Ladies, it’s go time! We have just over two weeks until Thanksgiving. While we’re thinking about what dishes we’re serving, travel plans, or stretchy pants to wear, some of us are already stressed or overwhelmed.
My goal is to equip you with godly wisdom and practical tools so that you can face this holiday season with less stress and more peace. Today, I’ll share a short, but powerful verse and then we’ll apply it using Surrender Principle #1. (If you need to know this principle, I’ll tell you more soon. Trust me; it’s so helpful!).
Let’s start with Romans 12:18 in the Amplified Version: If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Friends, there’s rich biblical wisdom in this verse, so focus on this: Romans 12:18 is one of many relational teachings from a first-century pastor named Paul, also known as the Apostle Paul. He planted a church and here, he’s writing to that church about how to live in a manner that honored God. Paul’s teaching in Romans 12:18 patterns after how Jesus lived.
The Greek word for “peace” (eiréneuó) that Paul used doesn’t mean that you’re silent or have no opinions. Rather, in this context peace means that you work toward being an agent for healthy wholeness. You actively maintain Spirit-led wholeness in yourself and contribute toward the holy and healthy wholeness of others.
What is Paul not saying here? He’s not teaching us to be doormats or targets. To be an agent of wholeness, you need boundaries around people who like to stir the pot, poke at your tender wounds, or even those who love you, but are careless with their words.
Romans 12:18 demonstrates that Paul is realistic about our lives as believers. Not everybody will act right. Just because you put a turkey on the table doesn’t mean that people will get along or be less vocal about their political views. Jesus never expected mean people to be kind, and neither should we. At the same time, the way of Jesus is knowing how to keep your peace and not lose it. (Remember, boundaries aren’t about trying to control the behavior of others. Boundaries are how you protect your heart, body, time, or resources. People may not agree with your boundaries, but the good news is that you don’t need their permission.
In my Surrendered Bible study, there are six principles that help us let go of control and find peace. This is so important during the stressful holiday season. Here’s Surrender Principle #1: I am not in control of others or outcomes.
Depending on your situation, that might be a different principle to accept. It’s okay. I still have to coach myself on this principle, especially when it comes to family situations involving my adult kids, and I don’t have the power to change. Rather than become stressed or depressed, I can turn that principle into a prayer: God, I am not in control of others or outcomes. But, You are in control, so I surrender this situation to You and accept Your peace. Amen.
You may need to pray that prayer, too. I also want to share some practical tools for you to consider as you’re planning your Thanksgiving time with family or friends. Ready? Here we go!
- Two-Hour Time Limit – There’s no law that says you need to stay at the family gathering beyond the meal. Unless you are a hostage, you can leave. In fact, for decades, one of my dearest friends has kept a two-hour limit at her family gatherings. She noticed that after two hours, certain family members’ tongues loosened due to full tummies and alcohol. After witnessing one too many upsetting post-meal family meltdowns, my friend enacted her two-hour limit. After eating, she visits, helps with early cleaning, and enjoys herself. Then, at the two-hour mark, she exits and doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. Other family members started following her example. Their family gatherings are more peaceful and enjoyable. Think about trying this!
- “You may be right.” – I learned this reply in Al-Anon years ago as a coping tool to deal with an intoxicated spouse who would often pick arguments to deflect guilt and shame. This phrase offers an escape path if you have someone who argues, doesn’t listen, or tries to dominate conversations. Warning: This phrase might be tricky, especially if you know you’re right, but humility reminds us that we’re not right about everything Ultimately. But this response may offer a way to exit a conversation without getting pulled into an argument.
- QTIP – If you’ve done my Surrendered Bible study, you know how much I love QTIP! I also share this tool in my Stronger Than Stress book on page 80: “(This) slogan is a favorite of mine because it reminds me that whatever someone else is doing usually has nothing to do with me. This is the slogan you apply when someone does something that hurts you, but they act out of their own pain, selfishness, or wrong beliefs. Remind yourself that the actions of others do not determine your response. Keep your on Jesus and keep good boundaries.”
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Let me know if Romans 12:18, Surrender Principle #1, or the three practical tools inspired you. I’d love to hear from you!
