Do you ever experience impatience when a Christian friend can’t seem to get herself together? Maybe you’re tired of hearing the same problem repeated or you’re frustrated because she won’t take the needed steps to address her issues. What can you do?

Today’s post offers a powerful biblical reminder and practical wisdom so we can love our friends well – especially when their healing journey with God is moving slower or messier than we’d like.

Why do we become impatient or frustrated when someone in our lives can’t get it together?

Maybe we’re tapping our feet wondering when God’s going to answer our prayers on their behalf. Perhaps, we feel like our friend isn’t working hard enough or trusting God enough to get it together. Or, are we struggling with our own control issues that sound like: “If she would only do what I’m telling her to do, then she’d get over this!”

Can you relate to any of these?

There could be other possibilities, but those came to mind. Now, what I’m not saying here is that we should be overlook or become complacent with a friend’s never-ending struggle, a repeating sin or spiritual immaturity. Galatians 6:1 teaches us to gentle and humbly help those who are struggling. Sometimes, we forget the gentle and humble part and instead, we become annoyed and impatient.

Here’s the question: How do we love our Christian sisters in a way that reflects God’s grace, His desire for their freedom AND healthy boundaries?

Our attitude toward our Christian sisters should reflect the teaching in Colossians 3:12-14 NLT:

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Look at all of the characteristics that we’re to display. Don’t miss this – notice the underlined portion. How do you make allowance for your friend’s struggle? Do you need to stop expecting her to get it together on your timeline?

Here are some practical tools that may help you today:

Validate her struggle as an act of love: This sounds like, “That must be so hard for you!” Validation doesn’t mean that you approve of her struggle or behavior, only that you’re listening to her pain with your head and heart. Bonus: I’ve included great “listening” questions to ask at the end of this devotional!
Avoid minimizing – Minimizing can happen when you say, “Oh, at least you’re not going through what Susie experienced…” or shift from her struggle to talking about yours. While your attempt is to relate or show empathy, it conveys that others’ experiences are more important than hers.
Don’t panic! Don’t apply your worst-case scenarios to her life. Unless a friend is facing a physical threat, take your finger off the temptation trigger of “She’s doomed if she can’t get it together.” God is still in control, so remember that the Bible’s promises are just as true for her as they are for you.
Consider whether your opinion or advice should be prayers to God instead: It’s so easy to use our words to fix others, but what if you stopped giving advice to your friend and put that effort into praying for her this week?
Know your boundaries & set your limits – You have permission to set limits on conversations for your own mental health and well-being. Wait to return texts or phone calls when you can handle them. Also, you can set a timer for the duration you can handle. Maybe it’s ten minutes or even only two minutes. You have permission to say, “I can talk about this for five minutes. Then I want to pray for you, or else I’ll be tempted to give advice, and you need God’s help more than my opinion.”

Ultimately, loving our Christian sisters means we must make allowances for their struggles, even when they aren’t getting over them as quickly as we’d like. Healthy Christian sisterhood can include prayer and boundaries. Most of all, there’s hope in remembering that God sees your friend and you aren’t responsible for fixing her struggle.

Great Questions to Ask Your Struggling Friends – from my Stronger than Stress book: