by Barb Roose | May 5, 2016 | Uncategorized
Maybe no one has ever told you this before, but it’s good to grieve the dreams that never will be.
Almost 10 years ago, my Christian counselor taught me the importance of having ‘funerals’ for the dreams or expectations that were never going to be. I get real messed up when I hold onto certain expectations or hopes in life. As the Proverbs say, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” That can be so true for me! So, in order for me to live in God’s plan for my life, I have to practice letting go of my plans. But, it’s hard to let unrealized hopes and dreams die. That’s why “funerals” are an important ritual in my life.
Once a year or so, I take an afternoon and head down to my favorite spot at a local park overlooking the river and have a funeral for my lost dreams. I bring a blanket to sit on, my bible and lots of tissues!
I spend time with God acknowledging those things that will never be. I really wanted those dreams to come true! But they didn’t. So this is my funeral prayer:
“I dreamed that (insert dream) but that dream isn’t going to come true. I really wanted it God! And it hurts, but I need to let that dream die. I need to mourn it and move it out of my heart so that You can fill the space with a new thing for me.”
When we don’t grieve our lost dreams or unfulfilled expectations, our hearts get cluttered and chaotic.
Surrender is the path to peace.
God has great plans for you, my friends!
You have permission to bravely let go – and wait confidently for God to plant His new dream in your heart!
TALK BACK TIME: Have you let go of a dream and God gave you a new one? If so, share your comments with us and encourage someone today! We’d love to hear from you!
by Barb Roose | Dec 31, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
2014…Well, that went fast! It’s amazing how quickly 365 days pass by – especially the good days. Oh, how I wished some of those good days could have lasted a little longer. And the bad days…well, the bad days couldn’t end soon enough.
While I post a lot of positive things on social media about what’s happening in my life, my family or at our church, you’re all smart enough to know that even my sunny flower garden of life has a smelly pile of dog crap dumped in the corner.
Like you, my 2014 doled out it’s fair share of struggles with the kids, tough moments in our marriage, things that broke and cost a lot of money to fix – and so, so much more. There were moments when I thought life couldn’t get any better alternating with moments when I just wanted to crawl in bed and never get out. That’s just life, right?
“Edward Scraperhands” in February 2014
Now it’s December 31. Aaannnnd I’m still singing the song “Let It Go” from watching the movie for the first time on Christmas Eve. My husband rented the movie because we both secretly wanted to see it, but we were too cool to admit it to each other. How come no one told me that this was an animated movie disguised as a film for adults?
Photo credit: deviantart.com
If you’re hating me because you’re singing the song now, you’ll thank me later. “Let It Go” is a great song for leaving one year and heading into the next.
Can I admit that I teared up while listening to the song? Goodness, yes I did.
As we leave 2014, there are three lines from the song that resonated with me. I’d like to share those three lines and a few questions that you may consider as you reflect on how you lived over the past year:
1. “Here I stand, here I’ll stay…”
I love how Elsa stamped her little animated foot as she built her ice castle, causing the snowflake to form as a symbol of who she was. Once Elsa decided it was time to stop running, she didn’t waver or falter. She stomped her foot and stood her ground.
What about you? Did you live by your convictions in 2014 OR did you struggle to know what to believe or say when issues of racism, homosexuality or immigration took over our news feeds and Facebook threads?
In 2015, where do you need to respectfully stand up more for what you believe and not be intimated or hushed by opposing viewpoints?
In April, apparently I grew a moustache.
2. “I don’t care what they may say…”
If you watched the movie, you saw how Elsa became a prisoner to her fear of what would happen if people knew who she really was. So, she hid behind closed doors, shutting everyone – including her sister – out.
How much of 2014 did you live based on what others thought of you? How did it feel every time that you didn’t get a chance to say or think what was really on your mind? How can you live differently in 2015?
As long as we live according to other’s opinions of what we should think, say or feel, we will be miserable because we will not be living authentically. Ask yourself this: Who has God created me to be? What has God called me to do? How has God called me to live?
As we head into 2015, I hope you take the time to figure out the answers to those questions. Then, you tell everyone else with an opinion to shut-up. (Okay, I wanted to be dramatic. Don’t use “shut up” – it’s not a nice word and Jesus wouldn’t use it. At least I don’t think that he would.)
A few weeks ago, I went to Nashville to meet my publishers and I received a copy of my book. One of the best moments of the year
3. “The past is in the past…”
We’re all dragging around old records of life events in metaphorical suitcases shackled to our ankles. The number of those suitcases vary per person. Yet, I suspect that those of you carrying a full five-piece set know that you’re being crushed under the weight of your past.
Are you being held hostage by painful memories or emotionally controlled by memories of the past?
While it’s not possible to erase the memories, you don’t have to suffer when you do remember. Holding onto every single memory of what was done to you doesn’t make you a survivor. Holding onto your need to know “why” something happened won’t make the real pain go away. Hostages are trapped with no means of escape. You aren’t a helpless hostage. God wants you to be free. Surrendering your grip of the pain, anger or worry and giving it up is what frees you!
Here’s some practical tips if you need a place to start moving away from the past:
1. You’ve got let it OUT before you can let it GO… Most of our bad memories stay trapped in our imagination on a continuous replay reel. It’s time to stop replaying the movie and acknowledge each event. Start with make a list of the past memories/incidents/people that cause you to feel pain, fear, guilt or anger. Be specific.
2. Sit down with someone that you trust and share those memories with him or her. There’s a wonderful scriptural principle (James 5:16) that tells us that when we talk about our struggles, that puts us on the path to healing. This is why counseling and recovery groups exist. You cannot let go of the painful past on your own!
3. You may need a recovery group like Celebrate Recovery or professional counseling…If you’ve got a lifetime of abuse and pain, your struggle may be more than a good friend can or should handle. Yes, it’s tough asking someone for help and sometimes, it’s expensive. But, the price you’ve paid for holding onto that baggage has been even higher.
4. Invite God into the new space…Holding onto the past occupies a lot of space in our lives. Letting go of baggage can oddly leave us feeling empty because we’re so used to that space being filled by pain, anger or fear. This is the place where you can invite God to fill. If you’re already a Christian, that’s great! Now God has more room to work in your life. If you aren’t a believer, then consider trusting God with your life and letting Him show you what a life of purpose and freedom looks like.
This year was the year one of my my life-long dreams came true…
My prayer for all of you is that 2015 is the year that you live fully, freely and faithfully. Let go of any past that is dragging you down and let go of the fears that keep you from living as God has called you to live.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your social media life this year. I’ve been honored by every person who has clicked the link to my blog. I pray that you’ve been blessed by what you’ve read. My words mean nothing if you aren’t encouraged, inspired or blessed.
Happy New Year!
Barb
By the way, my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty is available NOW wherever books are sold!
CLICK HERE for link to Amazon Kindle
CLICK HERE for link to Barnes & Noble
by Barb Roose | May 28, 2014 | Reflections
photo credit: https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000582327361/91aa81bf907abab992a495c605b4c187.png
Lifehacks are strategies or life management techniques. I love lifehacks because they expand the potential of what I am already doing so that I can do life better. So, I thought I would put together my own list of lifehacks. Now, this list won’t make you a millionaire or get you a date Friday night (well, it might…), but these can definitely make a difference in your life today. Enjoy!
1. If a task takes two minutes or less to complete, DO IT NOW.
Each day, we are inundated with dozens of small tasks that add up to lots of headaches. For instance, I didn’t want to get up and take the laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer. Why not? Because. When I finally took care of the task, I timed it. Guess how long it took? Two minutes. I spent 20 minutes doing other stuff (watching tv) to avoid it.
In many ways, we’re only two minutes away from de-stressing our lives and being more productive. How frustration could you eliminate if you took care of two-minute tasks right now? How many arguments could you avoid? How much money could you save?
So, make the phone call, return the email, pay the bill, schedule the appointment, etc.
DO IT NOW if it takes two minutes or less.
2. Let “It” Go
If you love the song from “Frozen,” please don’t start singing. I won’t be able to hear you and everyone else is over it. Seriously, I’ve only heard the song twice and I’m okay with not hearing it again. But, I do love the message of the song.
Do you realize that the phrase “let it go” is self-explanatory? So, why do we hold onto the things we should let go of?
photo credit: http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/vWHwSWkBjnY/maxresdefault.jpg
When we’re holding onto a hope, dream or experience that is holding us back or dragging us down, it’s often because we want to acknowledge the impact that hope, dream or experience on our lives. Failed marriage…lost job… unfilled dream…What we hold onto becomes a trophy or momento that we clutch to our hearts as a symbol of the truth of the event. This is what happened to me or what I hoped for. I’m holding onto it so that myself or others cannot deny it’s importance in my life.
But, that thing we won’t let go is getting old and outdated. We’re like a three-year old clinging to her mangled stuffed dolly. It’s missing an arm and both eyes, but little Becky will scream like a crazy person if you try to take it away. Even if you try to give her something better, little Becky will clamor to hold onto what she knows.
Don’t be like little Becky. Let it go, whatever it is. Friends, something better waits for you, but you’ve got to let go so that you can grab onto what’s in the future, instead of holding onto the past, let “It” Go.
3. Laugh
“Sometimes life gets so difficult that you just need to laugh about it.”
Friends, sometimes life gets so difficult that you HAVE to laugh. Don’t settle for a smile or giggle, do yourself a favor and stalk a gut-busting, howling laugh until you find one. You’re life will be much better for it.
Of course, I also think that Jimmy Fallon is always a great go-to for laughs! photo credit: http://splitsider.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Tonight-Show-Jimmy-Fallon-Poster-Crop.jpg
Not only does laughter force our bodies to relax, but the act of laughter makes us draw in extra oxygen and clears our mind. When they say laughter is good for you, they mean it! Don’t underestimate the power of laughter to help you cope on tough days.
By the way, my favorite go-to for laughs is watching classic television comedies. My favorite? The episode of “Friends” where Rachel and Monica lose their apartment to Joey and Chandler during the Quiz Bowl Game. What’s Joey’s favorite food? Sandwiches!
(And that quote was from Katy Perry. Don’t judge.)
4. Stop Complaining on Facebook
I just made some of you mad. (Feel free to post about it on Facebook.)
Here’s the thing: People don’t care about your bad day as much has you do. Yes, that’s harsh, but here’s the reason why: Many of your Facebook friends are having a bad day, too. They care about their bad day much more than they care about yours.
Let’s face it, all of our cars break down at inconvenient moments. We all get diarrhea at the wrong times. (Some of us have had those two things happen at the same time, right?) Every toddler pulls an angry all-nighter and we all wish we had more money at some point or another. So, in many ways, we’re all in the same boat.
Friends, it’s okay thing to share the ups and downs about your day or make a specific ask for help, but reconsider posting just to complain or mining for sympathy. (I’m assuming that we all know the difference…)
Here’s why you might reconsider those “Woe-is-me” posts: What your social media “friends” won’t tell you is that they don’t know what to do when they see your Tragedy-Ann status updates or tweets. Your “real” friends will give you a call or text to check on you, but the for the rest of us (aka “Facebook friends”), those posts are straight-up awkward for us. Why? We’re not sure what you want from us. Most of us are decent folk. We care about you and we’ll help if you ask us. Otherwise, your “oh-no-not-again” updates leave us feeling uneasy. Of course that’s TOTALLY NOT your intention, but unfortunately, it’s the result. Yes, you just want to vent about your day. Okay, so, you’ll feel better, but you risk making others feel a bit weird.
What should you do? Great question! If you’re having a bad day, inbox specific friends and tell them what’s up and ask them to pray for you. Then, when the situation resolves itself, share the situation and resolution on Facebook so that people can cheer the answered prayer and/or your perseverance through a tough time.
By the way, it’s perfectly okay to be on Facebook and Twitter and not tell people everything that is going on in your life. You’re not being fake, rather, you’re just being wise.
5. Do Something for Someone Else TODAY
If your life is boring or uninspired, you need to strike out and do something for someone else TODAY! Right now if you have the time! This will totally change your day (and give you something much more interesting to post about other than feeding your cat or telling us you are going to bed.)
One of the reasons that “Random Acts of Kindness” or “Pay-It-Forward” moments catch on is because people have an immediate opportunity to make a difference in simple ways. If you’ve ever been the recipient of a “Random Act of Kindness,” you know how wonderfully surreal it feels to be blessed by someone you don’t know, but appreciate. Now, imagine just how much cooler it is to be the person actually doing the act of kindness.
Some of you NEED to do this today. Why? Because you are drowning in yourself. But, if you want the direction of your life to rocket upward, then you need to start today. Goodness, opportunities are everywhere! Just do something, such as: anonymously pick up someone’s tab at a restaurant (and leave a great tip!), buy someone’s coffee in the car behind you, plant flowers in your neighbors yard, make a meal for your friends and drop it off – the opportunities are nearly endless. But, if you are struggling, here’s a link that you can use for more ideas: http://loveistheword.org/101-random-acts-of-kindness/ (Yes, some of them are a little cheesy, so if you can do better, go for it!)
So, this is my list of lifehacks that you can use today. Tell me what you think. Any other life hacks that should have made my life? Tell me your thoughts!
Thanks for reading (and if you think others might like this post, feel free to share it!)
