Today is one of those hard dates on the calendar that only I remember. Know what I mean?
It’s usually the date of an anniversary of something in your life that you don’t like to remember, but it broke your heart so deeply that you can’t forget.
Four years ago on March 13, I went to Family Court for the first time to stand before a divorce court judge. I would also see my then-spouse that I hadn’t seen in eight months since the start of our third separation. Every day, I prayed and begged for a miracle of reconciliation that only God could pull off.
On that day in front of the judge, I realized that the miracle wasn’t going to happen. The sound of the judge’s gavel sounded a lot like the closing of a coffin.
While it would take many more months and court appearances officially bury my 26 year marriage, that day in court changed me forever. I felt the ripping of the marriage union of one back into two now broken pieces and I couldn’t stop it.
Facing the death of my hopes, dreams and identity traumatized me in a way that literally left me speechless. For three days, I couldn’t speak. I could text, but words could not come out of my mouth. For a variety of reasons, I know that was God’s way of protecting me because I was forced to rest, be still and let my body deal with the trauma instead of trying to buck up and soldier on.
Last week, I could feel my body getting agitated. When my body starts feeling weird, I’ve learned to look at the calendar. I saw that March 13 was coming. Bingo.
Chances are, you’ve got a March 13 in your life. The date of loss that there are no Hallmark cards for but should be.
💔For you, it might have been the one who got away and you remember the date on the calendar when they left your life;
💔Perhaps it was the day when the doctor came in and shared a diagnosis that ended the life that you knew and changed how you life forever;
💔 An announcement that blindsided or broke your heart;
💔Or it was the day when an fiery fight ruined a friendship or family relationship;
💔 The day when a job loss or layoff that killed dreams of financial security or forced a new lifestyle that you weren’t prepared for…
For all of our differences, we all share the experience of grief, loss and broken dreams. It’s hard, but I promise that God can bringing restoration, healing and peace.
How do I know? That’s what He’s done for me since that painful day 💗
A few thoughts for you:
1. What you lost matters, even if the people around you don’t understand how important it was to you. God does. He validated your loss and He doesn’t minimize it. (Psalm 34:18)
2. Be honest about your loss. Stop stuffing it. Cry it out, my friend. If you don’t acknowledge it, the sadness and pain will ooze out as depression, anger and bitterness.
3. Grieve healthy: Get a counselor. It helps! Also You may need to have what I call “an emotional funeral.” I’ve been doing them for over a decade. This is a biblical tool that I developed to help me grieve, let go and make room for God’s peace and healing in my life. Here’s the link if you want to try the exercise this week.
God sees you, my friend. You aren’t alone in the losses that no one knows about 💗