Does the following scenario between two good friends sound familiar?

My friend: "This was such a wonderful lunch! I'm glad we were able enjoy lunch together."
Me: "You're right. I'm having such a great time."
(Then, the server drops check off at the table.)
My friend: "I'm picking the tab today."
Me: "Oh no! I can't let you do that. Let me."
My sweet friend: "No, I want to do this."
Me: "Absolutely, not! I can't let you. Let's split the check. I ate more than you did."
My friend: "Seriously, Barb. Are we going to have this argument AGAIN..."

My friend, Jera and I have this discussion EVERY SINGLE TIME we go out to lunch.  Why don't you guys just ask for separate checks?! We never do separate checks because each of us always wants to do something nice for the other. The only problem is, we struggle to actually let the other person do something nice for us. 

So, I've come to an unpleasant truth about myself. Sometimes, I can be a bad gift-receiver.

What's so hard about just saying "thank you" when someone offers to do something nice or gives you a compliment? Why do we fight off another's kindness or generosity?

Here's the ugly truth about me in those moments: I'm often reacting out of pride and guilt. It's pride because I'm trying to manage my self-image and not feel like someone's charity case. It's also prideful to think that I have the power to stop someone from doing something he or she really wants to do. There's probably some guilt in there, too. I don't want someone to do something for me that they could be doing for someone else, so I try to stop them. Oh, wait...that's still pride. 

Used any of these following lines lately?

"No, it's okay. I've got the money to pay for this."
"You don't have to do that. I can fix it myself."
"Oh, you don't want to give that to me. I'm sure someone else could use it..."

Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone after you've rejected his or her goodwill or generosity? If we know how great it feels to do something special for someone else, then why are we depriving others of that great feeling? Being a great gift-receiver allows us to bless someone who wants to experience the joy of giving.

How do we re-frame our attitude toward receiving? Here's what I'm trying to remember as we head into the gift giving AND gift RECEIVING season:
1. Remember, most people give without expecting anything in return. Yes, we all know folks who give with strings attached. If you know who those people are, then be careful. But, if you've got wonderful folks in your life who want to show no-strings-attached-kindness, allow them to do so and just say "thank you." Don't hassle them.
2. Receiving from others teaches us humility. When we allow others to do things for us that we could do for ourselves, it helps us to be humble. Humility connects us together and keeps us from thinking ourselves better or worse than anyone else. (I love the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet! Check out John 13.)
3. Learning to receive helps us to experience more joy in giving! When we remember how great it feels to receive, that often motivates us to want to give more. Bottom line, if you want to find more joy in giving, remind yourself of how blessed you are by what you've already received!

Challenge yourself...So, the next time a friend offers to show you kindness with no strings attached, don't fidget, qualify, or justify, just say "thanks!" and allow them to bless you.

Talk back time...Where do you struggle to graciously say "thank you"? Feel free to leave a comment on this post thread.

Hope for the Holidays Special Event! Watch NOW!

Join me and my author besties, Jill Savage, Katy McCown, Shari Braendel and Susan Seay in Waco, TX for our “Hope for the Holidays” Event filmed in Waco, TX.

We're inviting YOU to gather around the table with us. We’re talking about how to set boundaries for the holidays, creating realistic expectations and so much more - including a special, powerful bonus segment on dealing with holiday grief.

You're about to spent dozens of hours making Christmas happen. Give yourself the gift of three hours of hope!

You can have instant access to watch! This three-hour special event is valued at $49.97, but you have access for ONLY $19.97!

We’re in the sweet juicy middle of the Christmas season right now, friends. I’m just back from my last speaking event of the year in Bloomington, Illinois. Here are photos from that beautiful event hosted by the Immanuel Bible Foundation.

Like you, I’m getting myself ready for the Christmas holiday. Last week, I shared my Christmas confessions with you and loved all of your emails about your Christmas confessions, like:

Hi Barb!

Thank you for sharing your Christmas confessions. I have one: I decided instead of going through the process of making a pork roast for hours then shredding it for sandwiches, I'm going to Gordon's and buying their already shredded pork and heating it up!! My stepdaughter and husband are flying home for Christmas from Arizona and I want to be able to spend as such time with them as I can. I pray you have a blessed Christmas. In Christ, -M

Today, I’m sharing my Holiday Don’t List with you. I created this list to help me let go of control, unrealistic expectations and cut down on frustrations.

1. I don’t assume that all Christmas traditions will stick around year after year.

I love Christmas traditions! Some of my favorite childhood memories include bundling up as a family and driving around our town’s stunning Christmas gazebo uptown and singing Christmas carols. As my kids were growing up, we put up multiple trees in our house and each tree was decorated with a specific theme. We also ate lots of snacks and watched movies on Christmas Eve after attending our church’s Christmas services.

However, seasons of life change. As our family changed, I was frustrated because I couldn’t hold onto those traditions like I wanted to. I spent a few years fighting for traditions that didn’t fit anymore. But, I finally had to let some go. I prayed and asked God to help me know which ones were important to keep and to also help me create and embrace some new traditions.

If you have a tradition that is increasingly difficulty to keep doing or you sense a lot of resistance, then perhaps, it may be time to let it go and allow something new to take its place.

List some of the traditions that you participated in last Christmas, like sending out Christmas cards, hosting family gatherings or opening presents on a certain day.

REFLECTION: Which traditions create connection and which traditions have become a source of conflict (either with others or within myself)? What might you need to let go of?

2. I don’t cook more than one large meal between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

First, let me say that you don’t have to agree with me, but this could rock your world – ha!

Here was the problem I faced for years: I used to assemble a giant Christmas Eve spread, then cook a full Christmas breakfast the next morning too. But, I noticed that my family barely touched the third meal of Christmas dinner later that day because they’d already eaten so many large helpings of special foods in less than twenty-four hours already.

Here’s my strategy: I like to use the “Small, Medium, Large” approach between Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas morning breakfast and Christmas Day dinner.

So, I made one of these three meals small, one medium and one large. For my family, Christmas Eve dinner is medium-sized. I offer three or four appetizers and dessert that night because we play board games and watch a movie after church. Christmas morning breakfast is a small meal. I make homemade cinnamon rolls with bacon and orange juice. That’s it. Which means that Christmas dinner is the big meal and by then, everyone is hungry enough to enjoy the meal.

REFLECTION: How do you feel about the amount of time, energy and effort you spend on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day meals? Can you make any adjustments to reduce the amount of work you’re doing so you can spend that time and energy with your family or resting?

3. I don’t skip pictures.

Ladies, stop skipping the family photos or standing in the back where only your head is visible. Do me a favor…look in your phone at last year’s Christmas photos. How many photos are you in? If you’re in the photos, are you in the forefront or tucked in the back of the photo behind everyone?

Years from now, your grandchildren and great grandchildren should not only hear about your faith and love for others, but give them the gift of SEEING you live it out in photos during the holidays!

Christmas is more than the gifts that you buy, the meals that you cook or even the Advent study that you’re doing right now. Christmas is about being present in the celebration of God sending Jesus to earth for you. One way that you can honor the spirit of Christmas is actually being seen in the memories.

For me, this means not caring that my hair isn’t done on Christmas morning or that I don’t always have on cute pajamas. I want to be seen celebrating Jesus’ arrival on earth. (At the same time, let’s honor each other by getting permission about which photos we’ll share online and which ones will go into the family album.)

REFLECTION QUESTION: Do you need to make it a point to actually be a part of Christmas photos?

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK: This is my Holiday Don’t List and I’d love to know if you’re agreeing with any of these. What’s on your Holiday Don’t List? How are you making sure that you’re letting go of control and enjoying the holiday season?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with me!

Today, I’m sharing confessions with you and hopefully, giving you permission to step back from anything around the holidays that adds to your stress. Here are my Christmas confessions from years ago, but most of these are still true for me today:

5. NO COOKIES FOR YOU…I’ve baked no cookies. I want to bake them, but I’d eat them all. My hips ain’t got no time for that.
6. EMPTY MAILBOX BLUES… For years, I’ve felt guilty about not sending out more Christmas cards. This year, my level of guilt is finally going down. I’ve made peace with saying Merry Christmas on Facebook.
7. LIGHTS OFF…I’ve thought about going to our zoo’s magnificent annual lights display. It’s often ranked #1 in the nation. But you know what, it can take hours to actually get in and it’s really cold outside. I think that I’ll just drive back and forth past it to catch glimpses from my car instead.
8. EW…I haven’t had any eggnog. My confession is that I don’t like eggnog because I don’t like the mental picture of drinking eggs.
9. MY FINAL SECRET REVEAL…Here’s my actual tree. It’s been up since before Thanksgiving, but still undecorated. I’ve carefully cropped it out of all of my social media photos, but here it is in all its undecorated glory. At some point, I’ll toss the ornaments on…probably an hour or so before my guests arrive for my holiday gathering.

About you…Those are my Christmas confessions and perhaps you need to consider your own.

 BUT, can I offer a suggestion before you start making confessions or cancelling your plans? I don’t want to over-spiritualize your holiday activities, but this is a great time of year to practice listening for the Holy Spirit’s leading, especially when it comes to how you spend your time, effort and energy.

James 1:5 reminds us that “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” What does this mean? This means that God wants to help you navigate the complicated Christmas holiday, but YOU have to ask Him!

God will actually give you the wisdom that you need to help you make good decisions on how many or what gifts to buy, which gatherings to attend and even who you should or shouldn’t be around. Perhaps, this is a good time to pray if you haven’t done so:

Dear God,

It’s the thick of the holiday season and I don’t want to lose sight of the reason for the season. God, I am asking for Your wisdom and guidance before I get too far into the rush of the next few weeks.

Gifts: God, as I think about the gifts that I want to purchase for ____________________, impress upon my heart and mind what would be wise, helpful or meaningful.

Time: God, there are so many different activities that we have going on, so I ask for Your Spirit’s discernment on whether or not we should attend ____________________ because I’m not sure if that will bless my family or overburden our schedule.

Effort: God, as I look at my holiday “to-do” list, is there anything on that list that you want me to reconsider or remove so that I can have more time for rest and connecting with my family or You. 

Finally, God, thank you for promising to give me wisdom when I ask for it. I will keep my heart and mind open for Your Spirit’s leading so that I can experience a Christmas holiday full of Your joy and peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

SHARE WITH ME: Do you have any Christmas confessions to that you’d like to share with me? Also, did God reveal anything to you during today’s prayer? Join the conversations and leave a comment below.

To get ready for the busy holidays, my friends and I are talking about the real challenges that we all face this holiday season. This broadcast event is packed with hope, wisdom, laughter and more – just what we all need for the holidays!

Join me and my author besties, Jill Savage, Katy McCown, Shari Braendel and Susan Seay in Waco, TX for our “Hope for the Holidays” Event filmed in Waco, TX.

We're inviting YOU to gather around the table with us. We’re talking about how to set boundaries for the holidays, creating realistic expectations and so much more - including a special, powerful bonus segment on dealing with holiday grief.

You're about to spent dozens of hours making Christmas happen. Give yourself the gift of three hours of hope!

You can have instant access to watch! This three-hour special event is valued at $49.97, but you have access for ONLY $19.97!