Single friend, there is nothing wrong with you.
However, the world will reinforce the opposite message over the next few days. This year, Love looks like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce smooching at the end of the Super Bowl. Love is lovely. If it wasn’t, V-Day wouldn’t be $25.9 billion holiday. Yes, that’s right. Of course, we know that not everyone is in a relationship, and no relationship is perfect. But it’s tough watching the world celebrate two-by-two’s, even the toxic ones, while we wonder if we’ll ever find our The One.
This week, many of us single Pringles will skip the grocery store, restaurants, flower shops, and social media in favor of spending extra money on DoorDash and cashing out our Amazon carts. Are we jealous of other couples? Maybe, maybe not. It depends.
If you are married or happily single, today’s message isn’t for you. I’m holding space here for those whose hearts are hurting, and no one is around to hold them. My words are for my single Christian ladies who’ve been unseen, unheard, and sometimes unloved.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Sadly, the messages we hear and see on social media and church send the opposite message. Bae-Day can be a tough holiday, but I’m here to tell why you are not less just because you lack an engagement or wedding ring.
When it comes to being a Christian single woman, it often feels like we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place – and that rock ain’t an engagement ring, honey. We’re hounded to find The One and get married but shamed if we express our dismay at the dating difficulties we encounter or discouragement if we’re still not married. You’re not wrong for hoping for support, not shame, in that struggle. We wouldn’t say to a woman battling infertility, “Well, not everyone is meant to be a mother,” or “Do you think that you might need to lose weight or get a haircut first?” I see your heart, especially the one rubbed raw by people who love you but aren’t listening enough to hear your aching heart. This is why I’m writing to you today.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong with your desire to be married.
If this week brings on the tears and you decide to spend quality time with Ben & Jerry’s, nothing is wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong with you for having standards and boundaries, even though it often leaves you ghosted after the first date.
There is nothing wrong with you for rejecting situationships or guys who aren’t sure they’re ready for commitment. #run
There is nothing wrong with you for upholding a biblical sexual ethic, even though many men (even Christian men) tell you that you’re destined to die alone.
There is nothing wrong with you if your friends are dating, getting engaged, or married before you.
There is nothing wrong with you if you have not been married, even though you thought you should be married long before now.
Your singleness isn’t a curse, a second-class sentance or even “a season.” Being single can be and should be the gold standard of wholeness that every human desires to attain whether they married or not.
Here’s what you need: Shalom. This is God’s gift as a single person.
God’s shalom is His peace, a wholeness of heart and mind that cancels the wrong belief that something is wrong with you. Shalom is a blessing from God and can only be experienced in God. Too many of us believe that we can’t be whole unless we’re with someone – and when we can’t, we assume something is wrong with us.
When you experience God’s wholeness, you realize that you are living God’s best life for you, whether you remain single or find The One.
Somebody needs to hear this next part: When you are whole in God, you are satisfied in Him, and you’ll become dissatisfied with the breadcrumbing efforts of low-effort men instead of desperately keeping them around.
After I became single again, I went through a season where I felt stripped and empty. I was no longer two, only a very broken one. Believing that a person could make me feel whole again was tempting. Yet, the wholeness I needed couldn’t be found in another human relationship. The same goes for you.
How can you shift your mindset? Invite God’s wholeness to replace the belief that something is wrong with you. Instead of chasing human love, realize that God pursues you with His love. He has already sent that love ahead through His promises and grace. It’s a matter of your decision to receive it. Dear friend, let yourself be loved by God. Stop assuming that your lack of someone means that God is against you. He is with you, and for you – and best of all, He will never fail or leave you.
This is the dream of the wholeness that God wants for you:
You are God’s beautiful, lovable, capable daughter. You don’t need a man or a relationship to be confident in Christ. And no matter what may have happened in the past, or even if it’s always only you, that will never stop God from giving you His best.
There is nothing wrong with you, my friend.
Be loved, Beloved.
JOIN TODAY’S CONVERSATION: What is the best advice that you can give about being single and Christian? Any encouragement for those who are having a tough time this week?
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