by Barb Roose | Jan 25, 2019 | Uncategorized
Focus on these three things to equip you to love yourself, no matter how much you weigh.
Can I ask you an important question about your bathroom scale. No, I’m not going to ask how much you weigh. Rather, a more sensitive question. But, I just have to ask it. Ready? Here it is: When did your bathroom scale get to be in charge of how you feel about yourself?
Think about it. Your bathroom scale just lies on the floor day after day. It doesn’t help you pay the bills and it definitely doesn’t clean toilets. It’s just laying on the floor not bothering anybody. Yet it’s large and in charge of how you feel about yourself.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “Barb, that scale isn’t bossing me around. Back off.”
Does your scale prompt you to either celebrate or criticize yourself?
Does you scale control what you will or won’t wear?
Does your scale influence how confident you feel when interacting with others?
If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, you are totally not alone. I’ll bet you five cookies and a quart of ice cream that you’re beating yourself up for gaining weight during the holiday season. (Anyone out there postponing a doctor’s visits until you have a chance to work off those Christmas cookies?)
How did our scales gain such control of how we see ourselves?
The easy answer is that we live in a culture that believes the lower the number on the scale, the more acceptable we are. And this is true of Christian women, who pretend not to care, but really do.
The real answer is that every woman, regardless of her age, struggle at some level with what I call our “ugly struggle with beauty.” The core of this struggle isn’t about the number on the scale or the size that we wear. Ladies, our struggle is because we’re losing the battle to hold onto our God-given identity in a world that wants us to believe that beauty is a prize that only a few women can claim.
Compounding this problem is that far too many Christian women think that it is unspiritual to talk about our physical bodies, our size, our shape, or our style. Christian women dropped out of the culture’s conversation about beauty. God owns beauty! He is the Creator of beauty, not us. Not celebrities. Not Instagram. Not Snapchat filters (even though they are pretty amazing)!
As God’s daughters and ambassadors, we need to be in charge!
In the world today when our young daughters and granddaughters are literally dying over their ugly struggle, we need to talk about inner and outer beauty MORE, not less! That’s why I wrote my Beautiful Already Bible Study because I want to help Christian women who love Jesus, but hate their bodies.
We are so much more than a number we see on our bathroom scale!
The battle is learning to see ourselves – both inside AND out - through God’s eyes.
If we know who God is, then we’ll have the right perspective on ourselves.
Let’s start with this cornerstone of truth: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. –Matthew 6:33
Notice the first part of the verse: Seek God first.
When we seek God first, that means we take our eyes off ourselves. This means that I subject my opinions and beliefs about my body through the filter of God’s truth. Our tendency is to look at our bodies through our past, our failures, and our comparisons to other women.
Seeking God’s kingdom above all else is an invitation to leave our prisons of judgment and shame for a place of freedom and hope!
So, what does this practically look like for us when we’re about to hop on the bathroom scale?
Here are three God-honoring truths to keep in mind when you’re tempted to let the numbers on the scales dictate your value as a woman. By the way, I share my weight pretty regularly when I talk to women and I’ll share it at the bottom of this post.
1. See the GOODNESS
Even though you may not like the number on the scale, or the size or shape of one of your body parts, focus on the idea that those parts were created for you by God. Remember, everything that God made fits His definition of Goodness. We need to proclaim that goodness and adopt God’s truth rather than our own.
Say this: God, thank you for my body, crafted by your all-powerful, creative hands. Genesis 1:31 says that You have made all things good, including me. I reject any whispers that I am unworthy because of the number on the scale and choose to focus on your truth. Amen.
2. See the BLESSING
Our bodies don’t have to be the world’s version of perfect for us to give God thanks for it. When’s the last time that you thanked God for the parts of you that are a little fluffier, saggy, or more flabby than you’d like?
God, you’ve blessed me with this body. The number on the scale is just a number, but it doesn’t compare to the beautiful, valuable creation that You’ve made me to be. Amen.
3. See the PURPOSE
Each part of our body has a God-defined purpose. We don’t have to overthink this one, but we can easily condemn our hips, stomachs, sagging arms, or thighs. We are all unique creations and God has a specific purpose for us. He wants to use YOU to bring value to others that far exceeds anything that you could ever ask or imagine.
God, it is so easy for me to say mean things about my body or weight. Instead, I must see my body as a tool that you want to use to make a difference in someone’s life. Amen.
What’s our reward?
Our reward is that we learn to experience the joy that comes from seeing God’s goodness, bless and purpose for the body that He has given to us. Isn’t that a lot better than beating ourselves up, pulling on a pair of yoga pants, and binging on old Christmas cookies?
And if you’re not able to see yourself as God sees you get…
That’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. But, God doesn’t want you to stay that way. Might I suggest saying at least one of those prayers daily for a week. Be willing to let God work in your heart.
And my weight…
And what some of you have been “weighting” for – ha! My weight is 178 pounds. It’s just a number and determines nothing about my value as a beautiful daughter of God.
COMMENT: Do you feel like you can win your ugly struggle with your bathroom scale? What would it take for you to love yourself as God loves you – no matter your weight?
by Barb Roose | Jun 4, 2017 | Women's Topics
A challenge that just might change how you feel this summer when you’re wearing a swimsuit…
by Barb Roose
A few weeks ago, I went shopping to replace my swim top. I have a great swim skirt, but I’ve had bad luck with swim tops. I scoured the rack for possible hopefuls and with trotted off the dressing room where I spent the next 15 minutes bending and twisting my body in and out of those high-Lycra tops. Getting that material to stretch around my real-woman body is no joke! No doubt the woman in the adjacent room heard my fervent prayer. “God, PLEASE let me get this top off without passing out.”
I leaned, bounced and sweat so much in that dressing room that I counted it as a workout.
Even with everything that I know about how God sees me as His beautiful daughter, swimsuits tend to test me. After a winter of camoflauge clothing, swimsuits expose not just our skin, but how we feel about the skin that we’re in.
When it comes to swimsuits or any other shopping experience, we often engage in one or both of the following:
1. We COMPARE our bodies to other women’s bodies whether our friends, social media images or magazines.
2. 2. We CRITICIZE inner selves for failing to get our act together, whether we beat ourselves up for not eating healthier, not exercising or shame-related issues from our past.
In my Enough Already book, there is a controversial chapter called “The Vagina Dialogue.” I didn’t use any vulgar language or inappropriate content, but I dared to use a word that describes a body part that to the Almighty God created in each and every woman. Vagina. Some of you are quite uncomfortable right now…
Soon after Enough Already released, a Christian woman blasted me for using the word citing that proper Christian women shouldn’t use such language. I respectfully disagree. When we’re afraid to talk about our bodies in a God-honoring way – including the private parts, we’re likely to feel ashamed of our bodies. That shame is so easy to pass down to the daughters and granddaughters in our lives.
In the “Vagina Dialogue” chapter, I reflect on how one of the scripture authors – someone inspired to write by God – described the female body:
You are beautiful, my darling,
beautiful beyond words.
Your eyes are like doves
behind your veil.
Your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.
Your lips are like scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is inviting.
Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates
behind your veil.
Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David,
jeweled with the shields of a thousand heroes.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.
Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates
with rare spices—
(Song of Solomon 4:1,3-5,13)
What you just read is actually in the Bible. Think about how that man complimented his love. He wasn’t just saying things to sweet-talk her into bed. Instead, the metaphors that he used to describe her feminine body were thoughtful descriptions of the most magnificent and treasured jewels, perfumes, and creatures on earth.
Why can’t we appreciate our bodies like that? How can we testify God’s goodness to others if we can’t proclaim God’s goodness in ourselves? Friends, women are using their bodies like weapons and whipping posts because they don’t know God’s beautiful truth. If we want to shine the light of Christ, we’ve got to make sure that light is seen in us, both inside and out!
Are you ready for a challenge?
Do you want to stop condemning your God-given body and start celebrating yourself, even in a swimsuit?
Today, I’m giving you the same challenge that I gave women in the book: Using the passage that we read as an example, create your own positive descriptive phrases to characterize the following parts of your body:
My lips are like_________________________________
My neck is ____________________________________
My breasts are like _____________________________
My thighs shelter _______________________________
At first, this exercise was really hard for me. I wasn’t used to using positive words to describe myself. Here’s what I finally came up with:
My lips are like fluffy soft pillows that beckon a dreamy night’s sleep.
My thighs are like the strong trees standing tall in my front yard.
While these descriptions might be a little silly, it’s a lot better than standing in front of the mirror crying or eating a quart of ice cream in shame. Instead of cursing our bodies, let’s celebrate them as God’s creation.
Will you please do this exercise? It’s okay if it takes a few days to complete but stick with it. Once you come up with positive descriptions for the body parts listed above, post the descriptions and read them each day for seven days. Instead of repeating the lies that our culture has told us about beauty, learn how to talk to yourself as God sees you! BONUS: Share one of your descriptions in the comments below and I’ll choose a winner on June 12 to win a copy of my Enough Already book.
My sweet friend, how you look in that swimsuit isn’t the issue. The problem is what your mind is saying to your heart about you.
You are God’s beautiful daughter, inside and out. Never tell yourself anything other than that!
P.S. On next week’s Better Together podcast, I’m interviewing my friend, Dr. Susan Pohlod about our female bodies. Sue is a long-time friend of mine and a passionate women’s health advocate. also provided the interview for “The Vagina Dialogue” chapter in my Enough Already book.
by Barb Roose | Feb 13, 2017 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
By Barb Roose
When’s the last time that you considered what it meant for your body to be the temple of the Holy Spirit?
I began contemplating 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 this weekend after my third BIG bowl of luscious, buttery pecan ice cream. There wasn’t anything sinful about eating ice cream, but when I started choosing to eat ice cream over real food, it was time for a reality check. In fact, I got a shock when I flipped over the ice cream container to review the nutritional information. Holy Moly, Batman!
Every half-cup serving contained a whopping 15 grams of fat and 240 calories. No wonder it tasted so good!
But just because it tasted good, didn’t mean that it was good for me.
When we consider the Apostle Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, we’re reminded that our bodies are not our own. As believers, we’ve chosen to offer our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1-2) in light of what Jesus Christ has done for us on the cross. So, while my temple may be named ‘Barbara” on my driver’s license and social security card, God owns my body.
With that in mind, I must determine if what I eat, drink, watch or wear will honor God’s authority over my body or not.
I’m not talking about following strict rules to gain God’s favor. Instead, it’s about the kind of relationship that I want to have with God. I love how God give me Himself, as well as a life of freedom and purpose. Since I want God to do more in me and through me, I must stay attune to God’s leadings in how I steward the temple that He’s given to me.
Because when we’re careless about the body that God has created for us, we’re essentially trashing our temple.
Here are a few “temple topics” that come to mind when I think about how I honor God with the body that He’s given to me.
Temple Topic #1: Movies
I have a vivid imagination. Anything that I see sticks in my mind for a very, very long time. Years ago, I felt that any movie rated over PG-13 had too much mind clutter for me. So, I made the decision to not allow extreme content in my mind.
Now, am I telling you that any movie over PG-13 is wrong or sinful? Nope. I’m just telling you that my temple mind can’t handle PG-13 or above. You’ve got to decide how God calls you to steward your temple.
Temple Topic #2: Exercise
Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God has created us to do good works. But, I’m concerned that too many of our lady temples are too tired and out of shape to do the work that God has called us to do. Even if you’ve got health limitations, are you treating your temple in a way that allows you to have as much energy as needed to serve where God calls?
I don’t love to exercise, but I need to have a healthy body because as God’s ambassador, He’s got things for me to do. So, I want to stay stretched and strong to the best of my ability. So, I get up and move my temple on a regular basis to get it stretched and strong.
Temple Topic #3: Sleep
When my husband began working nights last summer, my sleep schedule fell apart. My cherished eight hours per night plummeted to less than six hours per night. It didn’t take long for me to feel sluggish and grumpy. My temple needed more shut-eye!
It took some trial and error, but I now back on track. My Fit Bit gives me an honest and accurate record of how much sleep I’m actually getting. I started wearing a sleep mask and ear plugs so that I wouldn’t awaken at 3 or 4am when my husband got home.
A well-rested temple is important. How’s your temple doing in this area?
And finally…food.
I know that I’m getting up into some of your business right here. But, as God’s beautiful daughter, is it time for you to put a microscope over what you’ve been eating lately? Are you eating in a way that honors God’s authority over your body? Again, this isn’t trying to please God by following a bunch of rules. Jesus already freed us from that! Rather, ask yourself if you’ve consulted God lately about your eating or drinking habits. If so, are you walking in obedience to God’s leading in that area of your life?
If we truly believe that God has put more in us and that God wants more for us, then it’s up to us to pay attention to our temples and listen for how God wants us to use them.
QUESTION: Is taking care of yourself a struggle for you? What gets in the way of good self-care?
by Barb Roose | Sep 12, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
How often do you look in the mirror and struggle with what you see?
Remember when we used to love hanging out with each other? Hmm, how old were we back then – two or three years old? How cute were we! Ahh, in those early years we couldn’t get enough of each other. We snuggle up close and do kissy-lips with at each other. We’d play endless games of hide-n-seek. By the way, you’re horrible at that game! Whenever it was my turn to count, I’d peek while counting and you never moved. What’s up with that?
Remember when I was ten years old? That’s when stupid Marcus told me that I was ugly and I had a big nose? I barely made it home from school without melting down. I ran right to the bathroom looking for you. Tears were streaming down my face as Marcus’ awful words screamed in my head.
Don’t you remember how I put my face right up against yours? I searched your eyes hoping that you’d show me that Marcus was wrong. I wanted you to smile at me and make me feel that I was okay as I was. But, you didn’t.
For me, that was the day that we stopped being friends. Correction: That was the day that YOU stopped being my friend.
Yet, we still see each other every day.
Let me apologize for what I look like in the mornings. I’ll admit that it’s a bad scene for both of us. My hot-mess hair and puffy eyes – okay, that’s all on me. (What happens overnight anyways? I always feel like I’m in some overnight street fight and lose every single time…)
Throughout the day, we catch glimpses of each other. A quick look here. A snatch of a glance there. You see me and just that quick, you always look away. No smiles. No kindness. No comfort. Whatever.
You’ve seen me I strap on my courage and strip down in the department store dressing room. Why weren’t you kinder when I tried on that pink skirt and got stuck in it? That size SHOULD HAVE FIT. I was so crushed when it didn’t. Again tears. Again I look at you. Again, all you gave me was a cold stare.
Sometimes I hate you.
Whenever I walk away from you, I want to turn back and scream, “Why aren’t you there for me? Why aren’t you on my side?”
You’ve betrayed me by not loving me. You’ve seen me at my best and worst. Yet, you never show me the support that I need. We share the same heart, the same mind and the same body and yet, you make me feel so bad about myself. I can’t win with you!
You can’t make me 20 pounds thinner, but is it so hard to give me a freakin’ smile every now and then?
Is it so hard for you to give me a thumbs up when I stop in the restaurant bathroom while I’m out with my skinner, more stylish friends?
It’s been a long time, but today, I’m getting all up in your face. We’ve got settle whatever is between us. This stops now. Today. We’re going stop blaming our issues on school bullies, skinny supermodels, unrealistic expectations or the cookies that we can’t stop eating.
This is between you and me.
Tell me, how do we patch things up between us?
I want to know that you are with me. When we look at each other, I want to look in your eyes and see that you’re on my side. I need you to stop giving me reason to criticize my face, hair, hips, breasts or arms and cheer for me instead. I want to look in your eyes and see that I am beautiful. I want to see that I am enough.
What will it take for you to do that?
Wait – are you saying something? Hold on…please whisper a little louder.
My friend, if you want me to love you, start with loving yourself. I’m just reflecting what’s going on inside of you.
The key to being friends with me is the show me what you want to see.
Do you want to see me smile? Then, you smile first.
Do you want to see me cheer for you? Then, you cheer first.
My beautiful friend, I’ll gladly follow your path, but you’ve got to learn how to lead the way.
TALK BACK TIME! What part of your body do you struggle with the most? Leave a comment below and share this post with your friends!
P.S. If you’re tired of hating the woman in the mirror, check out my Beautiful Already Bible study. Give God space to transform how you see yourself – inside AND out!
Available at major Christian retailers across the country.
by Barb Roose | Apr 14, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Earlier this week I received the newest issue of Weight Watcher’s Magazine. I receive the subscription because a lady showed up at my door last summer. She had eight kids and selling magazines was her first legit job after a lifetime trapped in drugs and prostitution. While I’m normally a skeptic when I hear such stories, there was something about this woman that made me want to cheer for her. So, I bought a subscription.
As I looked at the cover of this month’s issue, I saw a picture of Oprah, who was sharing her newest favorite workout. My eye wandered and saw “101 Ways to Appreciate Food and Fun.” Then, I saw this headline:
“11 Incredible Women BARE ALL: A Weight Watchers First!”
Normally naked women appeared in magazines that arrive in doorsteps in brown paper bags. But, Weight Watchers must have felt adding the word “incredible” somehow justified the word “naked” hanging out next to it.
This got me to wondering: If these women are incredible, then why do they need to be naked? Why are they more incredible without clothes?
Has Weight Watchers has joined “The Naked Bandwagon”?
Yes, there is a naked bandwagon and it’s been around for a long time. You just haven’t seen it in your neighborhood. It mainly circled Hollywood, music, and advertising. Unlike the X-rated adult industry, The Naked Bandwagon insists on portraying coyly-positioned bodies with innocent smiles all covered under the cry of empowerment.
These days, there’s one celebrity most often associated with The Naked Bandwagon. Her recent clothing-free photo garnered over 200,000 shares on social media. While she’s made millions as a reality television star and businesswoman, she’s been deeply impacted by the harsh comments of others:
“I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world.”
It appears that her naked photos are her way of flipping off haters who’ve viciously body-shamed her over the years.
Yes, there are a lot of horrible people on social media. We should seriously consider making people prove they are responsible enough to use Facebook or Twitter, like making them get a social media learner’s permit. Women are bullied, shamed, critiqued and condemned for their size, shape or style on a regular basis.
It’s no wonder that women are banding together and pushing back.
Now, The Naked Bandwagon is rolling into middle America. The Naked Bandwagon champions want you to believe that posing nude will give you power over your sense of inadequacy. So, if you post a naked photo, then you’ll have the last say over everyone who might have called you “fat,” “ugly” or commented “At least you’ve got a pretty face.”
Sticks and stones may break our bones and shaming names can cut us deep.
Naked or not, we’ve got three big problems:
1. We don’t like ourselves as we are.
2. We don’t feel comfortable in the skin that we’re in.
3. We worry way too much about what other people think.
I’m not immune to those three problems. I spent far too man years comparing myself to other women and I never felt like I measured up. There was always someone who was “more” than me. Every time I didn’t feel that I measured up, I would put myself down.
“If you think like a throwaway person, you’ll act like a throwaway person.”
–Lysa TerKeurst
You can be sure that for whatever area of your life that you feel less than, you treat yourself horribly in that area.
If you don’t like your body, then you’ll treat your body like you don’t like it.
Hate your smile? You probably won’t smile much.
Don’t think that you make good decisions? Then, you probably letting other people tell you what to think or influence how you act?
While I like the idea of women’s empowerment as it pertains to how we cheer each other on in life, empowerment isn’t enough to create a all-important foundation for our identity.
Everyone wants to have power. When we feel empowered, then we don’t feel at-risk.
But, the quality of our power depends on its source. That’s why I like the following verse:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” -2 Timothy 1:6
There was a pastor in the New Testament named Paul. He sent a letter to his protégé Timothy to encourage the young man to boldly live out the call on his life. Paul references Timothy’s mother and grandmother as women of great faith and calls Timothy to that same conviction. I love that Paul highlights these women, who lived in a time when women were not often respected.
Imagine what would have happened if Timothy’s mother (Eunice) and grandmother (Lois) spent their days in fear of what others’ thought? Instead, these women knew that their empowerment to live their convictions came from God himself. That’s real empowerment!
These women were energized by God’s lavish love, the power of the Holy Spirit and the ability to patiently endure whatever came their way. While these women lived in a world that was not “for them,” they thrived because of their divine connection to an endless source of power.
For my fellow sisters in Christ, hear me on this: You’ve already got the power.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the fear that you aren’t enough as you are.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the shame of whatever happened in your past, whether it was forced on you or you did it to yourself.
By the power of the Holy Spirit living within you, there is no more need for shrink back or live small. God’s calling you to live BIG for Him. Honey, you can’t wait around for others to give you approval.
Stop waiting for people to give you self-worth. You are worthy because you are God’s precious daughter.
Now, live like it…with your clothes on.
REFERENCES:
1-Weight Watchers May/June 2016
2- http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/kim-kardashians-naked-selfie-is-now-a-mural-in-australia-w167359
