“KISS”-ing 2022: Six Mental Mindsets for an Peaceful Life

“KISS”-ing 2022: Six Mental Mindsets for an Peaceful Life

by | Jan 1, 2022 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle, Reflections, Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus, Women's Topics

Happy New Years!

It’s a new year and I’m wearing my fairly new favorite hat. So far, so good here in 2022.

This isn’t a post about goals or resolutions. I just can’t with personal goals right now. (I’ve got business goals - that’s all good.)

But I do want to be intentional.

What’s a girl to do? I need to keep it simple if I want to be successful at being intentional.

Last year, my Word Of The Year (WOTY) was KISS or”Keep It Simple, Sweetheart” and I’m keeping it again for 2022.

(I figured that if the pandemic can stick around another year, so can  my WOTY because it’s still working for me. ALSO, I kissed absolutely no one at midnight last night because #omicron 😑. Kinda bummed about that.)

Here’s my thing:  Rather than goals, I focus on mindset habits that will position me for what I want to experience in life, which is to live beautifully strong and courageous in Christ.

It’s KISS that gets me there. So here is my KISS mindset for 2022:

  1. On my worst days, I will treat myself the best.
  2. I will faithful in the small things and trust that God will take care of all things.
  3. I will keep showing up and taking risks, even when I fail.
  4. I am not in control of others or outcomes, so Surrender is my path to God’s peace. *
  5. I will err on the side of choosing love, kindness and generosity.
  6. I will live from the truth that I am God’s beautiful, lovable, capable daughter. I am confident in Christ and worthy of God’s best.**

SHARE YOUR COMMENT BELOW: What’s your New Year’s habits, prayer, resolution, goal or intention for the upcoming year?

*from my Surrendered Bible study

**from my Breakthrough Bible study 

When Helping Your Adult Kids is Actually Hurting Them

When Helping Your Adult Kids is Actually Hurting Them

by | Feb 9, 2019 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics

How can we love our kids without robbing them of the important life lessons they need to learn?

I heard the long sigh in her voice.

Leah called me on a quiet Sunday afternoon because I saw her message on Facebook. It was something like “I’m so stressed I can’t stand it.” While I see those messages pretty frequently on social media, Leah wasn’t one to post something like that. So, I sent her an inbox and instead of writing me back, she gave me a call.

Turns out, Leah’s adult children were in the middle of crisis and Leah was overwhelmed with worry- among other things. Her 20-something daughter was pregnant and her son’s youthful irresponsibility turned into legal trouble, including a warrant for his arrest.

As a single mom, Leah spent her life working hard to provide a good life for her kids. She admitted that single-mom guilt propelled her to jump in and help her kids out whenever they asked. While she’d been an amazing single mom, Leah felt like she let her kids down by not having a dad in their lives. So, even though they were adults, Leah would slip them money to cover funding gaps in car payments, to keep cell phones from getting shut off or allow the kids to live with her when they were between jobs.

But all of that stress of caring for adults who should be caring for themselves exacted a toll on Leah. She felt stressed because they were desperate for her money, but not to correct the behaviors that created the situation. Leah would help them, hoping that it would be “just this time” and then feel crushed when the same situation would repeat itself later.

If you’ve been worn out by worrying about your adult kids, I’d like to introduce you to the Sort-It-Out tool from my Winning the Worry Battle book. This tool offers four questions to help you determine how you can show love and concern for your adult kids without letting their problems or worries wear YOU out.

So, when an adult child comes and asks for financial help, a place to stay, or for you to get involved with a conflict with another person, ask yourself these questions:

SORT-IT-OUT TOOL:

  1. Am I legally responsible? (Legal status)
  2. Is my adult child asking for support in an improving situation or for rescue from a self-inflicted AND declining situation. (improving)
  3. Does my adult child have a track record of irresponsible decisions? (track record)
  4. Will my assistance build my child’s self-reliance or make him or her more dependent in the future? (enabling)

I know that your situation is likely complex. For years, I’ve had to use this tool to deal with an addiction issue in my household. It’s tough! There are no easy answers and it’s not my role to tell you what to do. My hope is to help you see where your helping has the potential to hurt you both. It’s hurting your adult child because instead of allowing the consequences of his or her circumstances to push them toward God, you might be the one getting in the way of them asking God for help.

If you determine that it would not be healthy or helpful to bail your adult child out, here are some things that you can say:

  • I’m so sorry that you are going through this, but I am unable to help you.
  • This is so hard! Can I help you put together a plan that you can use to deal with this problem? (Only if you can plan without taking over responsibility!)
  • I know that you can figure this out. Keep me posted on how you are doing.

 Yes, it feels bad saying no to helping someone, but remember, you aren’t saying that the individual isn’t worthy of help, only that you choose not to get in the way of God doing His work in their lives.

 

Comments: Has there been a  time when you have been able to say "no" to someone when you really wanted to help them?

Make it Your Best Year Ever!

Make it Your Best Year Ever!

by | Jan 5, 2019 | Reflections, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics

Three Ways to Keep Your Heart and Life Turned Toward God 

 

Happy New Year friends! Are you ready for the start of a new year?  Let’s talk about what it means for us to have our BEST YEAR EVER! 

 Who doesn’t dream that this year can be better than last year? No matter our starting point, at the beginning of each year, we dream of whatever is missing to be found, whatever is broken to be fixed, and whatever has changed to feel like normal again. The difficulty is figuring out what we need to do in order to make that happen for us.  

Cue the New Year’s Resolution. Some are quick to hate on the idea of a New Year’s Resolution for a variety of reasons. But, all a New Year’s Resolution means is that someone wants to make something in her life better. A resolution isn’t a promise, nor is it a quick fix. In many ways, it’s a step away from denial toward a healthy truth that some part of life could or should be better than it is.   

One of the most popular New Year’s Resolutions that I heard while working on staff at my local church was “I want to get closer to God.” That’s a great New Year’s Resolution! 

Not only do I want to cheer you on, but I’d also like to offer a few ideas if you want to make this the best year ever when it comes to your faith.  

1. Stop feeling guilty!

Don’t let guilt be the biggest reason that you want to grow closer to God. Sure, you might have missed more church than planned or scrolled through Facebook more than your Bible.  But here’s the thing: Guilt might get you going, but it isn’t enough to get you to the goal. 

When we feel guilty about not connecting with God, that’s when we imagine that God is disappointed with us. Then we start trying to do things that we think will please God. But, when we falter, like miss church or forget to read our Bible then those guilty feelings come roaring back! Then, we might start easing our way as far away from God as possible. THAT IS the recipe for the worst year ever, not the best year ever. 

The path to the best year ever with God is to start with GRATITUDE. Each day, I take time and write down all of the big and little things that God has done for me. This means that I give thanks for the electric blanket that keeps me warm. I give thanks for the friend who met me for coffee and offered compassion, not judgment. I give thanks for God’s presence and provision as I navigate a heartbreaking relational trauma.    

The more that we give thanks to God for what He has done and how He takes care of us, the closer we will feel to God.  

2. Get Life-Giving Friends

If you want to have your best year ever, you won’t be able to do it on your own. You will need to have life-giving, like-minded people who love Jesus cheering you on and challenging you toward your best year ever.   

What does it mean to have life-giving Christians around you?   

  • They love Jesus and actually love ALL others (Mark 12:30).  
  • They don’t cut other people down for struggling with personal problems (Galatians 6:1-2) .
  • They are generous in giving their time and resources to others (1 Timothy 6:18).  
  • They live with hope (instead of negativity) (1 Peter 3:15).

The most important lesson is that we have to make room for these people in our lives. If you have too many negative people, even if they say that they are Christians, you will NEVER have your best year ever. The negative people won’t let you!  

How do you get away from negative, selfish people who suck the life out of you? You go out and fill your available time with life-giving people. You ask them out for coffee, make dinner plans, and join their Bible studies. The more your schedule is filled with life-giving people, the easier it will be for you to ease the life-sucking people out of your life.   

3. Pick a focus verse 

 Life is a roller coaster, isn’t it?  So, when my emotions are riding high or I’m feeling low, I need a way to steady my heart and mind so that I can make wise decisions that will honor my relationships and keep my heart and mind looking toward God.  

 For me, choosing a few verses to repeat over and over to myself is an important tool to stay strong and stable while my life still on a wild, difficult ride toward an unknown future. At the time I’m writing these words to you, I have no idea what my living situation or marital status will be in six months. But I know this, if I can hang onto God’s promises, then I can hang in through anything. 

Hanging onto God’s promises means that I tuck God’s Word into my heart and mind so that I can hear Him later when He’s trying to speak to me.  God uses His words to speak to us, so if you don’t feel like you’re hearing from God enough, perhaps it’s because you need to know more of what He’s saying. 

This year, one of these verses that I am focused on is Psalm 46:10: 

Be still and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.  

Since this is a focus verse for me, I repeat it over and over again so that when I am in a situation where I’m anxious about the future or I want to control an outcome, then God will use His words to speak to me and calm me down.  

You can Google “popular Bible verses” and find one that fits your life. You can post on Facebook and ask people to share their favorite Bible verses if you feel too overwhelmed to find your own. 

It doesn’t matter if you choose the same verse as someone else. God will speak that verse back to you in a way that is personal and perfectly customized to whatever you are going through.  Each time you sense God bring that verse back up, you’ll feel loved, cared for and reminded about how much you matter to Him. 

And that is how you know that you’re living your best year ever!  

I’D LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU! Which one of the three “best year ever” tips interests you the most? Do you have any other ideas to share? 

 

 

Letting God Lead

Letting God Lead

by | Dec 11, 2018 | Women's Topics

I’ve struggled with being patient all of my life.

Once, I even purchased a house without telling my husband. It was awful. I had to make a lot of apologies. For me, I get impatient when I want something that will make me happy or feel secure and God isn’t moving fast enough.

Can you think of a few times when you struggled with impatience and jumped ahead to do the opposite of what God wanted for your life?

  • Your dream guy isn’t proposing fast enough so you compromise your standards in order to keep him….
  • You find a just-over-the budget dream home, but panic because you’re afraid of not getting it so you take out a hefty loan that keeps you up at night…
  • Your spouse is struggling or not getting with your program so you resort to nagging or lecturing to pressure him straighten up his wayward behavior.

It’s been said that while the early bird gets the worm, it’s the second mouse gets the cheese. We have to be careful and not jump too quick for something that God isn’t ready to give us. 

I love the story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan River before they entered the Promised Land (Joshua 3). God told Joshua to instruct the millions of Israelites to let the ark of the covenant start out toward the river before them. Joshua told the people to keep a half-mile distance or a 15-minute walk between themselves and the ark. Since the ark was the physical presence of God, the big picture principle behind the command to stand back was this: Let God lead.

For me, this distance is also symbolic. Sometimes we get in a hurry when we’re trying to get something done. We pray and ask God for help or a favor. At first, we try to be patient. But when God is taking too long to get us what we want, we rush ahead into the unknown just because we’re too scared to stand still. But there was a reason why God told the people to wait for the ark to lead. “Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.” (Joshua 3:4 NIV).

When life is uncertain, this is the most important time to slow down and let God lead.  Let’s be honest, when you don’t really know what you’re doing or where you’re going, there’s a greater chance that you’ll mess up or hurt others figuring things out.  But, God knows exactly what He is doing in your life at ALL times! There are no dark corners in God’s vision. He will always lead you to His best for you. 

What’s a clue that you’re rushing ahead of God? You know that you’re rushing ahead of God when you start stressing out, controlling people, and worrying about details. When you wait on God to lead you through uncertain times, you‘re far enough back to let God pave the way for you.

Learning to be patient and let God lead is a hard lesson. But every time I let go and let God, He shows up and leads me through uncertainty in a way that allows me to sleep well each night and manage through tough days with peace, strength, and courage.

When God Allows More Than You Can Handle

When God Allows More Than You Can Handle

by | Nov 27, 2018 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics

For years, my former pastor and boss encouraged our staff team to participate in an overseas missions trip. Not only would we receive our regular pay while we were gone, but we’d also receive an additional day off to rest when we returned. Sweet deal, right?! But, there was no amount of incentive that could convince me to leave the safety and security of my home for the unknown of a third-world country where I was afraid of the heat, bugs, strange food, and that I didn’t know the language. 

For years, I said no when even God nudged me to say yes to that missions trip. My pastor would announce it at staff meetings and the guilt would be unbearable because I couldn’t believe that I was actually saying no to the God that I loved and wanted to serve with all my heart.

Finally, my life verse pushed back against my many fears: Seek the kingdom above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything that you need. –Matthew 6:33 NLT

If I loved God, then I realized that I needed to say yes to going on a missions trip.

But what about everything that I was afraid of? One of my biggest fears was running into a giant spider. I had nightmares of spiders crawling over me at night and that I was unable to get away.

But, when I thought about the words in Matthew 6:33, God’s promise was that if I trust Him and followed where He led me, then God would help me handle my fears.

Whenever people say to me, “Well, God never gives us more than we can handle,” I gently push back and say to them,

“I believe that God allows more than we can handle so that we’ll realize that there are situations that ONLY God can handle.”

On that first missions trip, I realized that my fears were more than I could handle. In fact, I barely got any sleep at night because I was so worried about a spider crawling on me or biting me. Each night, I’d wrap up inside of my comforter like a burrito. I was wrapped up so tight that I could barely breathe. Guess what? God did take care of me because even though I was in humid, tropical conditions, my beautiful host family had fantastic air conditioning. Even though I slept only a little each night, at least I didn’t suffocate!

In the midst of my great fear, I saw God do even greater work while on that trip. We carried rocks to fill a new home foundation for a hard-working mother with seven kids. I taught Jesus’ love through Bible lessons and face-painted dozens of kids. I worked in the clinic pharmacy and saw the life-changing effects of simple medicines that we took for granted here in the US.

My fears were more than I could handle, but God still took good care of me. Even though I didn’t handle my fears well, I experienced God in a great way that changed the trajectory of my life.

In fact, I’ve taken almost ten missions trips over the years. Get this: I’m still afraid of spiders. But, I’m more afraid of missing out on how God wants to use me. 

If what you’re facing today is bigger than what you can handle, that means that your situation is perfect for God’s power and might. Seek God first in your situation. He will give you the power and strength to handle whatever comes your way.

When Your Worry Keeps You Up At Night

When Your Worry Keeps You Up At Night

by | Nov 13, 2018 | Women's Topics

It was the middle of the night. I took five steps across the hardwood floor as quietly as I could, hoping not to jam my toes on the corner of dresser. When I took those five steps, I stopped and turned. Then, I padded five steps back in the other direction, quietly wiping the tears that were falling down my face.

Why did you let this happen, God?

When will this end, God?

I’m so miserable…

If you’ve ever paced the floor at night, you know that middle-of-the-night pacing is not exactly a party. When we’re watching the midnight minutes tick away because we can’t sleep, well let’s be honest, it sucks. #Christiancurseword

What’s been keeping you up at night lately? More importantly, how is the lack of sleep affecting your life? There’s only so much coffee can do for you. Good sleep is essential for good health. So how do we stop our worries from screwing up our sleep?

There’s a tool that I created to interrupt the worried thoughts that might prevent me from getting a good night’s sleep. It’s called the God-morning/God night technique. This simple tool is so easy to do and use! Best of all, it activates the power of God’s Word to work the worry out of your mind.

Every worry gets stopped in its tracks by the Word of God!

In order to use the God morning/God night technique, you’ll need a “starter set” of five short verses from the Bible. Search for verses that contain words or phrases like peace, do not fear, do not worry, or courage. Here are a few of my favorites:

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. –Psalm 56:3

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. –Philippians 4:13 

Give all of your worries and cares to God for He cares about you. -1 Peter 5:7

You can add two more verses to this starter set. You can store them in your phone, but I recommend writing them on a notecard or small sheet of paper and taping it to your nightstand or any place you’ll see it before going to bed. For the next 30 days, read those verses aloud before you go to settle down for bed. Don’t rush through reading them, take the time to hear the truth in the words as you read them. God’s truth always wins over your worry.

I use this technique in the morning, too. When I wake up, it’s easy for mind to spin about everything might go wrong.

However, when I start my day with God’s Word, my worries get shot down before they start.

If you try the “God morning/God night” technique, take a picture of your card by your bed and share it with me on my Facebook page. If you do this, you’ll encourage others to do it, too. Imagine how you can help others trust God and get a good night’s sleep!

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