by Barb Roose | Jan 15, 2017 | Better Together Podcast
Have you ever felt like your child was your parenting report card? If he or she was doing well in school, then you felt great. But, if your precious cherub was causing the teacher to pull her hair out, then you were failing.
How do we snap out of making our kids our “report card” and instead love and raise them as God calls us to do?
Proverbs 22:6 tells us to direct our children onto the right path so that when they are old, they will not leave it. If the Bible tells us to teach our kids God’s ways, how do we teach when we’re not always sure on how God wants us to live?
Today’s guest, Melissa Spoelstra coaches moms through eight areas that we need to teach our children so that they can develop their own relationship with God. As the mother of four kids, Melissa understands the difficulties and hard decisions that go along with parenting. According to Melissa, parenting is never about perfect, but intentionally planning out how to disciple our children so that they can learn to love Jesus.
In her book, Total Family Makeover, Melissa discusses how Jesus modeled certain disciplines, like prayer, mentoring and service. Then, Jesus taught the disciples how to integrate those same disciplines into their lives. Melissa will share her experiences as a mom, stories about how she’s “failed forward” as a parent and encouragement for any mom who’s at the end of her rope.
In today’s podcast, listen to my interview with Melissa as we discuss:
- Why we make our children into our parenting report card;
- How not to disciple your children into worriers;
- The CRUCIAL importance of finding a mentor mom to help you stay sane during your parenting years;
- The differences between parenting young kids and parenting older kids;
Melissa Spoelstra’s Website
Melissa’s Recommend Parenting Resources:
About Melissa…
Melissa Spoelstra is a popular women’s conference speaker, Bible teacher, and writer who is madly in love with Jesus and passionate about helping women of all ages to seek Christ and know Him more intimately through serious Bible study. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Bible Theology and enjoys teaching God’s Word to diverse groups and churches within the body of Christ.
She is the author of the First Corinthians: Living Love When We Disagree, Joseph: The Journey to Forgiveness, Jeremiah: Daring to Hope in an Unstable World Bible studies, and the soon to be released Total Family Makeover: 8 Steps to Making Disciples at Home book.
She lives in Dublin, Ohio, with her pastor husband and four kids. Find her on Twitter @melspoelstra and Instagram @daring2hope, and follow her blog at MelissaSpoelstra.com.
by Barb Roose | Jun 13, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
This post is for my Jesus-loving Christian friends out there.
As we mourn the horrific national tragedy in Orlando, I’m holding my breath.
Why?
#BecauseChristians
Y’all know what I mean. And y’all know who I mean.
It’s already painful enough to look at the faces of the victims and watch the anguished grief across their family members’ faces.
It’s already hard enough to watch politicians turn this tragedy into an election-season ping-pong match.
It’s already scary enough listening to pundits discuss whether or not we need to re-evaluate an our constitutional right to privacy.
Now, I’m holding my breath as Christians take to social media. And I’m praying, too. I’m praying that God will allow the Facebook accounts of stupid, hateful Christians to get hacked and shutdown. Yes, I mean that.
I hate that certain groups of Christians will show up in the public arena saying that they are there in Jesus’ name. Then, they will proceed to spew hate and try to pass it off as Jesus’ truth.
(I know that somebody out there right now wants to see my “salvation card.” Don’t worry. I’ve got it, honey.)
I get you, Holier-Than-Thou, Christian. I know how much you want to speak the “truth in love.”
I’m totally down with speaking the truth in love. But why do we treat truth like a giant sledgehammer and then dispense love like the size of a tiny bandaid?
Here’s what someone from the LGBT community wrote on social media:
“People got hurt. This isn’t the time to condemn them for sin YOU think they’re doing.”
News Flash: LGBT people already know our script. And they aren’t deaf, so they’ve heard us out there beating them with truth in love:
We’ve yelled it at them.
We’ve screamed it at them.
We’ve used it to kick them out of our families.
We’ve written it on our signs and picketed them.
Is it no wonder that this community is eager to shut the door in our faces? We’ve given them no reason to keep it open.
As I was praying this morning for the people who died and their families, God prompted me to stop praying and go read 1 Corinthians 13. Since it came to me out of the blue during prayer, I stopped opened my YouVersion app. I saw Paul’s words through the context of the Orlando tragedy.
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.
3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
As believers, God has endowed us with the revelation of who He is through His Spirit. Not only that, but we’ve been given super-naturally charged spiritual gifts to do great things in Jesus’ name. And we’ve been given the Great Commission to bring the eternity-changing message of Christ to all people.
Yet, Paul points out there just ONE ingredient in our super-natural secret sauce that determines whether or not we will be effective or ineffective.
LOVE.
Notice how often he repeats the qualifier “…but didn’t love others.” That phrase identifies the great eraser of all of the things that we set out to do in Jesus’ name.
Now, let’s not get coy with the word “love.” Don’t get twisted. God defines “love” for us in the next few verses:
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
This is the definition of love. This is hard love, y’all. This is the kind of love that I fail at often with my husband and kids. This is the kind of love that I struggle to show the people that I already know and like.
You know what else occurred to me while reading these verses: These verses also capture HOW we must bring “Tell the Truth in Love. “
Our famous “truth in love” phrase comes from Ephesians 4:15:
“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies that sound so cleaver they sound like the truth. Instead we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
Paul was talking to believers who needed to be wary of false prophets with in the church. “Truth in Love” is a fruit of our discipleship that shows our growing maturity in Christ.
Okay, let’s start putting this together:
First – oh, this is fun: The Greek word “truth” in Ephesians 4:15 and the word “truth” Jesus uses to describe himself in John 14:6 are from the same root word “alethes.”
Now, let’s think about this:
Who is the Truth? Jesus ((John 14:6)
Why did Jesus come? Because God so LOVED the world (John 3:16).
Jesus IS Truth IN Love.
Our opinions are not ‘truth in love.’
Our passionate pleas are not ‘truth in love.’
Our best intentions are most definitely not ‘truth in love.’
Jesus IS TRUTH IN LOVE.
And if we realize that Jesus IS Truth In Love, then we don’t have to worry about love watering down the truth. Love opens the door so that truth can come into dark and desperate places where both are needed.
Jesus came to sacrifice himself for us. He gave up his eternal home in heaven while we were still dirty, perverted, stinky, sin-ridden people (Romans 5:8).
And it was his love for us and obedience to God that took him to the cross. And by Jesus’ sacrifice we are healed and made whole (Isaiah 53:5)
So, out of love, God met our greatest spiritual need: eternal salvation. But, have we gotten so used to being clean and whole that we’ve forgotten who we once were in God’s eyes?
Yes. The answer is YES, doggone it!
We’ve forgotten that we are being saved everyday through sanctification – a fancy word for God’s continual work in us (Galatians 2:20, 2 Peter 3:18). Let’s not forget that God knows the crap that we’ve still got floating in our hearts, minds and lives, friends. Yet, as we grow in maturity, our ability to speak the Truth In Love, to show Jesus in our hearts, minds and lives grows every day, too.
And that becomes evident in our speech, our interactions and our ability to connect with people of all races, ages, cultures and yes, sexual identities.
But, Barb “they” don’t listen to us.
So, that’s where verse 7 comes in: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Unfortunately, the LGBTQ community isn’t going to be open to us for a long time. Why?
Because they don’t trust us. They don’t like us. They are afraid of us. Many hate us. And we’ve earned every single bit of it. So, we will keep bringing the Truth In Love for as long as it takes. We’ve caused a lot of pain and we’ve broken a lot of trust.
Remember, once upon a time, we treated God the same way. He didn’t give up on us. I don’t know about you, but I’m so thankful that God didn’t abandon me when I refused Him.
His condemnation didn’t bring me to the cross. It was His love that drew me to the cross. (Romans 2:4)
Friend, I know that you are uncomfortable. The “what-if’s” are closing in:
What if other Christians judge me for having someone from the LGBTQ community over to dinner? Will my friends wonder if I’m still a committed Christian?
If I’m hanging out with someone who believes differently from me, am I slack on my faith if I don’t do a full gospel presentation and altar call before dessert?
How can I know if my friends are truly committed to Christ if I see them hanging out with Muslim people or LGBTQ people?
So here are three words to remember: Live like Jesus.
Check this out:
Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) -Mark 2:15
So, all of the things that we’re worried about, Jesus did them. And he wasn’t worried about what other people thought. Also, notice how MANY people that we avoid were attracted to Jesus. Hmmm…
Jesus came to our sorry, pitiful, fallen world and he became Truth In Love for us.
For me.
For you.
For the people that we’re afraid of.
For the people that make us uncomfortable.
For the people who live differently that us.
Jesus didn’t shy away from people who needed love, not condemnation. He never shied away rom the truth.
But he always won people with love.
Thanks for reading,
by Barb Roose | Feb 10, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional
Here’s a question that I’ve been asked many times over the years, but I’ve never had an answer for it:
“What are you giving up for Lent?”
To tell you the truth, I’ve never celebrated Lent. I grew up in the Baptist (meaning black Baptist – the clapping, shouting and gospel wing of the Baptist folks). My family also spent a few years in a Pentacostal church, too. In short, I grew up “Bapti-cost.”
In fact, I didn’t know anything about Lent until I attended junior high school. Classmates would disappear mid-morning on some random Wednesday in February. Now, during my growing years, the pastors talked A LOT about the rapture. Anytime I couldn’t find someone, I tended to get a little nervous…
Anywho, those classmates returned around lunchtime with a dark smudge on their forehead and with a solemn look on their face. It took me FOREVER to work up the nerve to point and ask, “So, what’s going on that?”
Back in the day, this is all my friends told me:
- We can’t eat meat on Fridays.
- We have to give up something that we really like.*
For my classmates, Lent drilled down to a long, miserable season of “I can’t…”
What are you planning to give up this year for Lent? Are you excited or are you dreading it?
photo credit: http://wellness.nifs.org
Is that how you feel about Lent? Are you now trapped in 40 days of “I can’t…”?
While I may not share your Lenten experiences, I regularly observe the spiritual discipline of fasting. When you think about it, Lent is just an organized, formalized expression of fasting. And as one who fasts, I share your “I can’t” Lenten struggles.
We HATE voluntarily saying “no” to something that we always say “yes” to. There’s a loud voice inside of our heads that objects to voluntary self-restraint. As soon as we make our Lenten or fasting commitment, we think that we’ll die without the thing we’re giving up. Maybe not die, but we’re going to be so miserable! If we’re being honest, we’re a little miffed at God for making us into give up stuff. Like it’s His fault that we have to do it. And, when people ask what we’re giving up, how often do we share our hostage-like sacrifice with a little sigh:
“I can’t have chocolate.”
“I can’t go shopping.”
“I can’t be on Facebook.”
“I can’t go out on Friday nights.”
Whatever comes after “I can’t” is often an indicator of what we love and value a little more than God. I’m not saying that you love chocolate more than God, but do you love indulging yourself over showing self-restraint? You may not love television more than God, but how often does television or the Internet hijack your prayer or Bible study?
What we sacrifice often reveals our spiritual struggle.
Recently, my church finished a 28-day fast in January. I decided that I would give up desserts. I LOVE DESSERT. Love, love, love, love, love dessert.
Guess what? As soon as I said that I would give up dessert, I got mad that I wouldn’t be able to have dessert. Pitiful, I know. Dessert really isn’t any big deal, but my first-world heart has become accustomed to having whatever it wants. I don’t like to eat one cookie. I like to eat lots of cookies. If you ever offer me a cookie, I hope you have a few more just in case…
Lent and fasting are all about teaching our hearts and minds to submit to God’s way of life in us. When we choose to give up something that we love for a season, we give ourselves space to strategically practice submitting to God. The more we practice submission, the less we feel terrorized by the pressure of our internal wants and desires.
Here’s a great question to ask yourself: What becomes possible when we give up something for Lent?**
Instead of focusing on the “I can’t…” of Lent or fasting, we have the incredible opportunity to transform our thinking into “I can connect…”
Think about what you’ve chosen to give up. What if during the next 40 days, you gave God that space and let Him fill it? What if the absence of that thing actually filled you with more time to connect more with God or others? Imagine the possibilities!
When I gave up desserts, each time I felt a desire for dessert, I made the choice to connect with God. I changed careers in January, so I needed to pray more. I faced some tremendous personal challenges as of late, so I needed more of God’s wisdom and peace.
Instead of looking for comfort from a sugary, creamy treat, I chose to find comfort in God. So, I prayed A LOT in January…and I lost quite a few pounds, too!
In giving up something that I loved, I gained something that I needed most: God.
What are you giving up for Lent this year? Instead of focusing on “I can’t” during this Lenten’s season, what opportunities do you have to connect with God or your family and friends more during this season? Share your Lenten memories and your suggestions that might help others in the comments.
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References:
- http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/news/2004/lent.html
- This question was inspired by a similar question that leadership guru, Michael Hyatt often asks when individuals are struggling or suffering through hardship.
