Do You Often Take Matters Into Your Own Hands? I’m So Over It, Week Three

Do You Often Take Matters Into Your Own Hands? I’m So Over It, Week Three

Hi friends,
 
Happy Monday to all of you, including our new friends!  I’m thrilled that you’re here!
 
It’s week three of our series, “I’m So Over It.” We're looking at the four different types of overwhelm and how God may be trying to grab our attention so we can live in more peace and less stress. In week one, we discussed overthinking, and last week, we addressed over-functioning. (You can read those devotions at the end of this week's devotion.)
 
This week’s topic is OBSESSING. Do you tend to obsess? Here’s another quiz - and remember, don't beat yourself up! 
There’s nothing wrong with desiring good, even godly things like wanting our loved ones to know Jesus. We may long for physical healing or to experience a shift in one of our relationships. However, when we’re obsessed with how things should be, the danger is that we often become impatient when our prayers aren't answered according to our timing.
 
For example, take the Old Testament couple Abraham and Sarah, who spent years waiting for  God to keep His promise to give them a child. However, there seems to be a point at which Abraham and Sarah allowed their obsession with having a child to cause them to jump ahead of God’s timeline, resulting in significantly more stress and overwhelm than they bargained for.
 
I’m sharing their story today because I think there’s a little Abraham and Sarah in all of us: When we become obsessed with what we want, we must avoid the temptation to take matters into our own hands.
 
In Genesis 12, God told Abraham that He would make then-Abram into a great nation and all the people of the world would be blessed through him.  In Genesis 15, Abram questioned that promise because he didn’t have a son. God reassured Abram that a child was coming. Here’s Abram’s response in Genesis 15:6:
 
And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. - Genesis 15:6 NLT
 
In that moment, Abram had a bedrock, unshakeable belief. Perhaps you've heard, “God said it, so I believe it.”  That's how we want to live, right? But then, time goes on and nothing happens. 
 
In Genesis 16, the attention shifts to his wife, Sarai. She's impatient because there's no child yet. Abram agreed to his wife’s scheme to take matters into their own hands to produce the baby that God already promised. They forced their servant Hagar into a slave surrogacy. This wasn’t God’s plan. God doesn’t fulfill His promises through manipulation or prompting us to use controlling behaviors.
 
While I acknowledge Abram and Sarai’s lack of faith in that moment, I have compassion for all the years of their infertility-related heartache. Still, their obsession put them on a collision course with many years of unneeded pain. After Hagar became pregnant, there was abuse on all sides (Genesis 16: 4-7). After Hagar’s son, Ishmael, was born, that innocent little boy grew up in a home that held the tensions and likely resentments of adults who tried to play God and got burned.
 
Yet, through it all, God remained faithful to His promise. Fourteen years later, when Abram was 100 years old, a post-menopausal Sarai gave birth to their covenant miracle son, Isaac (Genesis 21:5).  In the end, Abraham and Sarah received their miracle baby, but relationships were damaged along the way.
 
WHY DO WE TAKE MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS?
It's usually one or more of these three reasons:
  1. God seems to be taking too long, and our hearts ache so much that we can’t stand it.
  2. We panic when we think of all the worst-case scenarios if what we’re praying for doesn’t happen.
  3. We’re afraid that God won’t give us what we’ve set our hearts on.
 
As you look at those three reasons, which one seems most relatable to you?
 
Just like I have compassion for Sarah, I have compassion for anyone who can relate to one of these three reasons. We don't have to beat ourselves for wanting something, but it should also prompt us to seek God’s help instead of going our own way. God invites us to share how hard it is to wait. In Psalm 13, where King David says, “How long, LORD?” four times in that one psalm! David poured his aching heart out, and that leads me to believe that God welcomes our lament and confusion when we’re in long waiting seasons as we're encouraged to keep trusting Him.
 
MY GO-TO PRAYER WHEN I’M TEMPTED TO HELP GOD OUT…
If you have a little Abraham and Sarah's impatience inside of you, then this is where God desires for you to surrender that deep desire or obsession to Him. There’s a brief prayer from my Stronger Than Stress Bible study that helps you step into trusting God. 
 
Here it is: God, I can’t. But You can. I will let You. Amen.
 
Do you need to pause right now and offer up that prayer? This maybe the most important prayer you pray today, especially if you've already been cooking up plans to deal with someone or something that is best left up to God. Stop now and pray!
 
MY OWN PERSONAL JOURNEY…
I’ve prayed for a spouse over five years. After fighting for my first marriage for many years, God healed my heart after my long, sad divorce. I was surprised that I would have a healthy desire for a second chance at love and marriage. But, the road hasn’t been easy. Either I’ve been criticized for wanting to remarry, told that I’m too old, too tall, or rejected because I’m abstinent until marriage (which has been the biggest issue by far!), waiting on God amid this deep desire has been hard. Yet, this journey continues to draw me closer to God as I wait instead of taking matters into my own hands.
 
I know that many of you can’t relate to my specific situation, even though some of you can. Maybe you’re wrestling with a desire to purchase a particular house, car, or possession, but the finances aren’t there yet. Perhaps your spouse isn’t going to church, and you’re tempted to use manipulation, nagging, or guilt to get them to attend. Some of you are navigating a long infertility journey like my daughter, Sami, and you've been praying for years for children. Whatever it is, there will always be a temptation to take a shortcut and grab what God hasn’t given to you yet. Getting what we want can't fill us like only God can.
 
PRACTICAL THINGS THAT HAVE HELPED ME
While there are seasons when I handle the longing desire better than others, I’ve chosen to anchor my soul into these words from Psalms 84:11:
 
The Lord will withhold no good thing
   from those who do what is right.
 
This psalm doesn’t promise that God will give us whatever we want, rather, the psalmist reminds us that God will not withhold all the goodness that comes from His nature as our Abba Father and Almighty God. When we fix our minds onwho God is  and live like we trust Him, we receive God's best for us right now. Here's what anchors my spirit when my feelings are all over the place:
 
I am receiving God’s best for me right now because God is with me at all times.
 
Here are three practical ways to live out trusting God while we wait:
  • Instead of lying awake all night thinking of how to get what we want, we turn on a worship song and focus on God so we can rest in His peace (Isaiah 26:3).  
  • Instead of thinking of worst-case scenarios if it doesn’t turn out as we’d hope, we practice gratitude and remember God’s faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23).
  • If we’re afraid we won’t get what we’d hoped for, we replay God’s promises and remember that He never withholds any good thing from us (Psalm 84:11).
 
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! What was your score on today's quiz? You can leave a comment and let me know. What has weighed heavy on your heart lately that you need to surrender to God? If today's devotion resonated with you, feel free to leave a comment with “surrender" so I'll know!

Read the Entire Series: God, I'm So Over It! Letting Go of Things That God Never Asked You to Carry

When Your Mental Health Messes with Your Faith | Interview with Dr. Jean Lee Neely

When Your Mental Health Messes with Your Faith | Interview with Dr. Jean Lee Neely

So many Christians struggle with mental health, and yet we still struggle to talk about it without shame. If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, depression or sadness because no one understands, this episode is for you.

In this honest and deeply compassionate conversation, Barb is joined by author Jean Neely to discuss her book Christ in the Abyss: Cultivating Deep Faith amid Depression and Despair. Drawing from her own decades-long journey with mental health challenges, Jean offers a powerful reminder: God’s presence isn’t reserved for when we feel strong—it meets us right in the depths of our pain.

Together, they explore how Christians can approach depression and mental health with honesty and faith, what to do when struggles begin to shake your beliefs, and how to navigate doubt when God feels silent. This episode offers reassurance that God sees you and loves you, even at your lowest points.

 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Connect with Jean on Facebook

Connect with Jean on Instagram

Christ in the Abyss: Cultivating Deep Faith amid Depression and Despair

Visit Jean's Website

Read from Jean's Substack

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Jean Lee Neely is a Korean American writer and educator. She has degrees in comparative literature from the University of California, Irvine and Sorbonne University in Paris and a PhD in English literature from the University of Southern California. Jean writes regularly on issues of mental health and faith for Faith and Leadership, a resource from the Duke Divinity School for Christian leaders. She has also written for Sojourners, Inheritance, the Asian American Christian Collaborative (AACC), and Christians for Social Action. She has taught seminars on navigating the intersections of faith, spiritual formation, and mental health for college students and Christian faculty. She lives in Southern California with her husband and son.

Experience Life-Transforming Power of Prayer

Pray Like This Bible Study by Barb Roose

As a Christian, you know you’re supposed to pray. But do you ever find yourself wrestling with any of these questions related to prayer?

Do I have to pray the right way for God to answer my prayer?

Do I have to pray the right way for God to answer my prayer?

Am I still praying if I read pre-written prayers?

If you’ve pondered these questions or others about prayer, my Pray Like Bible Study is for you.

Even if you're a prayer warrior, Pray Like This sharpens your prayer focus and is a great resource for you to teach others about prayer.There's a reason why Jesus was passionate about prayer and I want to show you how!

Hope for Those Who Do Too Much! I’m So Over It, Week Two

Hope for Those Who Do Too Much! I’m So Over It, Week Two

Happy Monday, friends,
 
Wow! Lots of emails came in after last week’s kickoff of our I’m So Over It” series. Thank you for sharing your quiz scores and your resolve to overthink God instead of overthinking everything else. It was an honor to pray for you all!
Today is the second week of our series, and we’re tackling a topic that happens to be one of my personal struggles: OVERFUNCTIONING.
 
Do you overfunction? Not sure what that means or looks like? I created an overfunctioning quiz, but please don't beat yourself up! Happy Monday is a 100% grace place! We are all on this journey together. God sees us and loves us as we are. These self-assessments are invitations, not indictments on our worthiness or faith. Once you take the quiz, then invite God to speak as you read the rest of today’s devotion. Here’s the quiz:
How’d you do? Confession time: If I'm in an unhealthy place, I will hit the maximum score every time.  What about you? If we peel back the layers of overfunctioning, our doing-too-much dysfunction comes from a good place. As women, our goal is to protect what we love, fix what’s broken, and keep everyone and everything on track. However, when we’re not aware of our motives, we’re driven by guilt, or we’re afraid for any reason, our good intentions morph into unhealthy overfunctioning.
 
LET'S LEARN FROM AN OLD FRIEND
There’s a New Testament woman who was stressed because she was doing too much. We’ve covered her story in a past Happy Monday series, but let's look at her story again from a different perspective. Even if you know the story of Martha and Jesus, pay attention to Jesus’ compassionate but very insightful response to Martha’s frustration.
 
As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Luke 10:38 NLT
 
Notice that Martha welcomed Jesus and his entourage with open arms. This shows us Martha’s heart came from a good place. It’s so easy for us to be critical of Martha, but let’s not overlook her strengths. Some of us are Marthas. Even if you’re not, let’s appreciate:
 
It’s the Marthas who know how to cook and they remember to buy all of our favorite breakfast foods.
 
It’s the Marthas who spread the good-smelling sheets on the beds, and they love making sure everyone is taken care of.
 
I point these reminders out so we don’t overlook the good in Martha. However, here’s where Martha lost herself:
 
But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. -Luke 10:40 NLT
 
So any of us could relate to Martha's to-do list and her angst, but chances are Martha was doing more than needed because of her personal motives. In the midst of doing good things, Martha lost sight of her identity as a child of God.
 
This happens to so many of us. We make taking care of others our life’s purpose. Taking care of others can give us purpose, but let’s not confuse caring for others as our sole sense of purpose or identity. Our identity is God's child, not taking care of others or a specific job. Too many of us hace attached our identity to what we do for others -  or worse yet, taking over for people who should be taking care of themselves.
 
This is why Jesus says the following to our friend, Martha:
 
There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her. -Luke 10:40 NLT
 
Yes, Jesus affirmed Mary’s desire to sit and learn at his feet. At the same time, Jesus included a reminder to Mary that she was more than what she could do for others. Martha needed to know that she didn’t need to earn her self-worth by serving others. As I wrote in Stronger Than Stress, God created us as human be-ings, not human doings. Just being a child of God is always enough.
 
MY OVERFUNCTIONING A-HA MOMENT
For so many years, I performed Christianity because I felt like God would love me to the extent that I did things that made Him happy. But, this error in understanding grace led to faith where I was always doing for God like Martha, but struggling to sit with God like Mary.
 
I transferred this overfunctioning mindset into my relationships. It seemed to work when I was a young wife and mother. My good intentions became dysfunctional when my then-spouse struggled with alcohol addiction.  When I felt my marriage slipping away, I kicked into overfunctioning overdrive. I’d checked every one of those on the quiz. And I was miserable because I was doing too much out of fear and a desire to fix what only God could handle.
 
The a-ha moment came when I began attending a family addiction support group meeting back in 2016 and learned one important slogan that has helped me so much:
 
"Keep your eyes on your own hula-hoop."
 
This means that I need to take care of the things that I’m responsible for. Then, I need to be aware of not inserting myself into things that God is responsible for, which is other people and circumstances beyond my control. I learned how to do less to make room for God to do more.
 
Where do you need to “keep your eyes on your own hula hoop”? If you’re not sure, look back at that quiz.
 
ASK THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU OVERFUNCTION
There are certain phrases that overfunctioners tend say. I've listed a few below. If you recognize these, consider where God maybe prompting you to back off because you're doing to much. Take this pause seriously because you maybe jumping into territory that are actually where God is working and you maybe getting in the way.
 
1. Instead of automatically saying “Don't worry, I’ve got it.”
Ask: Should someone else take care of this, especially if I am tired or I haven’t been consistent with time with God or my own self-care?
2. Instead of saying, “I’ll take care of it.”  
Ask: Am I responsible for this, or am I overstepping where someone else should be taking the lead instead of me?
3. Instead of  saying“No problem, I want to do it.”
Ask: Am I doing it because I like feeling needed, or am I afraid that someone won’t do it as I would?
 
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! What was your score on today's quiz? You can hit reply and let me know. Could you relate to Martha's story today? If so, I'd love to hear about it, or you can leave a comment with “Do Less” and I'll know today's devotion resonated with you.

Read the Entire Series: God, I'm So Over It! Letting Go of Things That God Never Asked You to Carry

Do You Overthink? I’m So Over It, Week One

Do You Overthink? I’m So Over It, Week One

Happy Monday everyone,
 
Today is the kickoff of our new series called “I’m So Over It!” This series aims to tackle the four ways we experience overwhelm. Put a mental checkmark on the one(s) that you can relate to. We’ll address one of these each week with scriptural wisdom:
  • Overthinking - Trying to control situations with our thinking, but unable to make decisions
  • Overfunctioning - Taking on people and things we’re not responsible for
  • Obsessing - Fixing our expectations on a specific outcome
  • Overloaded - Shouldering more than we can handle
Let me add this: There’s nothing wrong or sinful in experiencing overwhelm. There’s no need to beat ourselves up or feel ashamed.  However, when we know we're struggling, that’s when we must realize that God is trying to get our attention. God promises freedom, but our part is to allow God to work in us because far too many of us are holding on to things God has never asked us to carry.
 
TODAY’S TOPIC: OVERTHINKING!
 
Do you overthink? Not sure? Here’s a fun, but helpful temperature check. Count how many apply to you - and feel free to hit reply and tell me your score. Note…please don’t overthink this exercise. Make sure to keep reading for today’s teaching!
Today, let’s look at the story of an Old Testament man that I consider an overthinker in the Bible by the name of Gideon. The words “overthinker” or “overthinking” are not specifically mentioned in his story. However, as we focus on Gideon’s story, he’s rocking an overthinking vibe, for sure!
 
You can read Gideon’s story in Judges 6. We’re introduced to his situation before we meet him. The Israelites are in the Promised Land, and their leader Joshua is dead. Sadly, God’s people broke their promise to serve God with their whole hearts. So, God allowed attackers to go after the Israelites. Judges 6:6 sums up the dire nature of the situation:
 
So Israel was reduced to starvation by the Midianites. Then the Israelites cried out to the Lord for help. -Judges 6:6 NLT
 
Afterward, God sent a prophet to tell the people that they’d messed up by worshiping other gods. He also set a rescue plan in motion. An angel (whom we’ll later see is God) visits a man named Gideon who is hiding in a winepress. Pay attention to how the angel greets Gideon and keep this in mind as we read Gideon’s later responses:
 
The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” -Judges 6:12 NLT
 
There are two important pieces of information in that greeting: First, Gideon is called a hero, and the angel says that God is with him. Now, at the time, this goes right over Gideon’s head. He is hiding in a winepress, trying to secure food that the Midianites can’t steal. Gideon also feels pretty sure that God has abandoned His people. We can see that Gideon is skeptical of the angel’s words because of the hardship.
 
Undaunted, the angel (who we learn is actually God) tells Gideon about the mission: he will rescue Israel from the Midianites. Best of all, the angel assures Gideon that no special skills are required:
 
Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!” -Judges 6:14 NLT
 
God’s words should have made Gideon excited! Here was a chance for a powerless Gideon to set out with God’s power to free the Israelites. Instead of climbing out of the winepress and shouting “Let’s gooooo,” Gideon had a “But.”
 
But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” -Judges 6:15 NLT
 
God gave Gideon a promise and Gideon’s first word back to God was a “but.” Sometimes, “but” is a polite way of saying, “nope.” God has told the man to go, and Gideon’s brain spit out not one but TWO reasons that God’s promises couldn’t be true.
  
WHAT’S YOUR “BUT, GOD?”
 
How many of us struggle to trust what we read about God in the Bible?  We second-guess God’s unconditional love or His promises to forgive. Some of you who believe in God’s love or grace at 99%. It’s true for you 99% of the time, but there’s that 1% that you’re not sure about. So you question it, you’re anxious about it, which means you never fully rest in it.
 
Here’s what I’ve learned about overthinking…Often, the roots of our constant rethinking stretch back to our younger years, when we tried to figure out how to meet our needs for safety, love, or belonging. We spent those years paying attention to what drew attention, what was rewarded, or what we needed to avoid. So, we became pros at scrutinizing every single detail.  
 
What made us feel safe as kids can make it challenging to trust God as an adult.  We’re so used to picking apart, second-guessing, or being skeptical that we struggle with trusting God. We pick up our Bibles, we look at verses about God’s love, grace, or the promise of His presence, and we have our own “But God” issues.
 
Look at the first five words of God’s response to Gideon’s overthinking error:
 
The Lord said to him, “I will be with you. And you will destroy the Midianites as if you were fighting against one man.” -Judges 6:16 NLT
 
Once again, God assures Gideon that He will be with him. God promised Himself. I will be with you. It’s the same promise we experience in the Person of Jesus Christ, our Emmanuel, which is that God is with us. For all of the reasons why Gideon didn’t think success was possible, God reminded him that those reasons didn’t matter because God was with him.
 
I encourage you to read Gideon’s story in Judges 6. After a few more false starts, Gideon finally set out on the campaign to rescue God’s people. But, Gideon kept asking God for reassurance that he was on the right track. He kept coming up with reasons that kept him from believing God’s promise to be with him.
 
Can you relate?
 
A CHALLENGE FOR A DIFFERENT KIND OF OVERTHINKING!
 
Instead of overthinking negative thoughts, catastrophizing, or trying to control, I’d like to challenge you to think differently. It's time to drop our “but's” and fully embrace what God says is true. Here's the challenge: What if we committed to overthinking God’s presence and His provision? 
 
If we're overthinking other things, then we're underthinking God. Let's flip that! When we’re overthinking God, we’re fixed and focused on God's presence and power. Here’s a short list of what that means for me and you:
 
God promises peace in every situation. (Philippians 4:7)
God promises grace upon grace. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
He promises strength to endure. (Romans 5:3-5)
He promises divine wisdom when it’s needed. (James 1:5)
God promises unconditional love. (Romans 8:39)
 
Who's going to overthink God with me this week? I dare you to try it! Whenever you catch yourself puzzling over a conversation, text message, big problem or frustration, shift to my list about God’s promise to be with you and overthink that.
 
For me, overthinking shows up most often in situations where I feel out of control or where I'm feeling rejected. So, overthinking about God in those situations replaces my fears and sadness with God's peace and His love. That feels way better than all those negative thoughts!
 
PRACTICAL APPLICATION
If you’re an overthinker, this isn’t a switch you can flip off without God’s help. Here are some spiritual practices that I’ve done and God’s Spirit helped me to let go of a lot of overthinking:  
 
  1. God Morning/God Night Technique - This is easy! Write five promises of God on a notecard and set it by your bed. (I also taped a card to my bathroom mirror.) Read those promises each morning and each night to train your mind to meditate on God, not your problems. Here’s a resource on this.
  2. Journaling - Writing down your thoughts helps you notice where you’re overthinking and where you need to invite God in to help you stop fixing things in your mind.
  3. Ask yourself these clarifying questions: Is this a situation or problem that I need to solve right now? Is this my problem to solve, or do I need to surrender it to God?
 
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! What was your score on the “Are You An Overthinker”? You can leave a comment and let me know. If you need to let God work on your overthinking this week, just message me with “Overthinker” and I can pray with you this week.

Read the Entire Series: God, I'm So Over It! Letting Go of Things That God Never Asked You to Carry

A Biblical Path to Healing From Racial Trauma | Interview with Sheila Wise Rowe

A Biblical Path to Healing From Racial Trauma | Interview with Sheila Wise Rowe

In this powerful and hope-filled conversation, Barb speaks with counselor, spiritual director, and author Sheila Wise Rowe about her book Seeds of Racial Healing: Fifty-Two Devotions for Navigating Through Trauma. With over thirty years of experience counseling trauma survivors and ministering to marginalized communities, Sheila offers a deeply compassionate, trauma-informed approach to addressing both personal and systemic racism through the lens of Scripture.

They talk about how racial trauma impacts the body and soul, why rest and resilience are essential for Christians of color, and how being rooted in God’s Word can nurture healing and justice. 

If you are seeking Christian encouragement, spiritual formation, and practical tools for navigating racial trauma, this conversation offers hope, wisdom, and a path toward renewal.

 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Connect with Sheila on Facebook

Connect with Sheila on Instagram

Seeds of Racial Healing: Fifty-Two Devotions for Navigating Through Trauma

Visit Sheila's Website

 

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Sheila Wise Rowe (MEd, Cambridge College) has over thirty years of experience offering counseling and spiritual direction to individuals, couples, leaders, and trauma survivors. Sheila also spent a decade ministering to unhoused and abused women, children, and youth in Johannesburg, South Africa, where she was a lay pastor and taught Christian counseling and trauma-related courses. Sheila is a speaker, trainer, and writer, authoring the award-winning Healing Racial Trauma and Young, Gifted, and Black. She and her husband, Nicholas Rowe, live in Boston, Massachusetts, and coauthored Healing Leadership Trauma.

Experience Life-Transforming Power of Prayer

Pray Like This Bible Study by Barb Roose

As a Christian, you know you’re supposed to pray. But do you ever find yourself wrestling with any of these questions related to prayer?

Do I have to pray the right way for God to answer my prayer?

Do I have to pray the right way for God to answer my prayer?

Am I still praying if I read pre-written prayers?

If you’ve pondered these questions or others about prayer, my Pray Like Bible Study is for you.

Even if you're a prayer warrior, Pray Like This sharpens your prayer focus and is a great resource for you to teach others about prayer.There's a reason why Jesus was passionate about prayer and I want to show you how!

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