Original Post written on February 2019 by Barb Roose, updated February 2023
While this isn’t necessarily my first Valentine’s Day that I’ve spent alone, it’s the first Valentine’s Day where I’m on my own. Sheesh, I didn’t realize that one holiday could put so many holes in my heart.
I don’t think that I’m the only one who feels this way. At least I hope that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
This blog is directed to the brave woman who is alone on Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or single again, no matter how it happened. This is a safe place for you here.
Over the next few days, some of us single gals will need to take extra special care of ourselves and our hearts. There’s more triggers out there than military gun range. Whether you’re fighting tears looking at happy couples on social media, you’re remembering one who promised “till death,” but didn’t keep the promise or you’re battling a losing fight against a lonely hopelessness, I see you, brave friend.
To my single friends who are happy in singleness, I’m thrilled for you. Yet, I’ve got a request for you: Can you be patient, cheerleader of hope for the hurting brave gals who aren’t quite there yet?
For the brave single friends who are relucantly alone, Valentine’s Day brings up uncomfortable questions and unspoken insecurities.
Am I not pretty enough? Am I not thin enough? What did I do wrong? Will I always be alone?
Can I offer some gentle advice: Don’t beat yourself up today. You’re already fighting through enough already. Hint: Valentine’s Day is a great day to skip social media. Regardless, be kind to yourself and remember the answers to those questions have absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with who God says that you are.
Here are three truths that may provide validation, relief and comfort for you during Valentine’s week:
- You are God’s beautiful, lovable, treasured daughter. You are worthy of His best.
- God’s love will never let you down, even though romantic human love hasn’t lasted or come to reality.
- It’s not wrong for you to want to be loved and cherished.
To my brave, single gal friends who are fighting against heartache and hopelessness, I stand with you today. I want to tell you that you are brave and to keep fighting, even if you’re angry that the aching tears of loneliness are still rolling down your face. As I’ve said before, you can cry and fight at the same time!
Single Brave Woman Action Plan:
My friend, you need a plan to get through Valentine’s Day. Here’s my plan below. If you’ve got some to add, share your suggestions in the comments below:
1. Cry it and Write it out — Tears-R-Us is open for the next 72 hours! Give yourself permission to cry when you need to. Journaling is a powerful way to help you move forward in a healthy way instead of getting stuck in your emotions. Write it down to work through it!
2. Self-Care — Treat yourself like the wonderful, amazing human that you are! Celebrate yourself with healthy choices that reflect self-love as well as God’s love for you. I’ve got a list of 101 Self-Care ideas that you can download. Pick five or six things on that list and treat yo’ self like the brave and beautiful woman that you are!
3. Love the ones you’re with! — Make Galentine’s Day a thing! Celebrate each other! Order takeout, light candles, and tell each other how brave and awesome they are.
4. Share the Love – Every year, I throw a Valentine’s Day dinner for my kids. Now that they’re grown up and living on their own, I buy small gifts and chocolate and put them in gift bags. For my out of town kids, I mail it to them and that small gesture of unconditional love really makes me feel good as I share the love with them.
You can do this for your kids, parents, friends or extended family. It’s not too late to stop by the store and pick up little gift bags and drop in chocolate, a small gift card or a special handwritten note. It will make you feel all happy and wonderful inside!
5. Write yourself a letter for Valentine’s Day — I’m writing myself a letter this year. I have no idea what next year will look like, but I want This Year Me to let Next Year Me know just how awesome she is. That letter will include the truth about where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through. I will let her know what I’ve been celebrating and what I’m struggling with. I’ll tell her how I’m praying for her over the next year. Once I write and print the letter, I put it away and set a calendar reminder for next year, including the location of the letter!
6. Girl, leave him alone…you know who I’m talking about. Some of you need to temporarily block that guy. You know who I’m talking about. That low-effort guy knows that you’re feeling lonely and vulnerable sense it. Don’t take his pitiful bait, my brave friend!
TALK BACK TIME: What’s the hardest part about Valentine’s Day for you? What are your plans for show yourself love or how you’ll love others today?
*There’s a note it the comments for the married girlfriends reading today.