by Barb Roose | Sep 10, 2015 | Women's Topics
You hate shopping? You’re not alone!
“Getting half-naked in front of the dressing room mirror intimidates me.”
“I don’t know what looks good on me.”
“I’ll go shopping after I lose some weight.”
“I just don’t like my body.”
Are you unhappy with your current wardrobe situation? Do you have clothes in your closet with the tags still on? It’s no wonder that so many awaken to the dreaded daily question: “What am I going to wear today?” I think this is why we embrace yoga pants or sweats. We worship that stretchy material that slides over everything we hate about our size and shape. We know that those stretchy black and gray pants aren’t flattering, but when our other choices are naked or frustrated tears, we’ll choose stretchy pants every time.
This is how shopping feels sometimes, right?
Why the despair? What do we really want from our clothes, ladies? There are two things that we want from our clothes: We want our clothes to look good on us and we want our clothes to feel like us. When we get dressed, we want our clothes to feel as natural on our bodies as our skin does and our clothes should be a reflection of who we are on the inside. When that doesn’t happen, our clothes can feel like they suffocating us. No one wants to feel suffocated in her clothes.
We all face different clothing challenges. Some of you are petite. Others of you struggle with difficult proportions. Some of you lament your stick-straight profile and wish that people would stop telling you how lucky you are that you are so thin. Me? I’ve got my own issues. I’m 5’ 10” with long legs and big curves on the top and bottom. I know what it means to have clothing challenges!
Why does it matter what you wear?
Think about your favorite (non-stretchy pants) outfit? In fact, if you can, go put it on. How does wearing that outfit make you feel? You stand a little taller, right? It’s easier to smile. Your eyes shine brighter and you feel more open to giving to the world around you. You feel like your best YOU. When you put on clothes that are the proper size, flatter shape and right style, everything about who you are on the inside translates on the outside.
Don’t write off that last sentence off as superficial or shallow. It’s not shallow to realize that when we invest the time into discovering our proper size, shape and style, that we walk stronger, taller and more confident as our authentic selves.
Why it only takes me five minutes to get dressed each morning…
I’m not a fashion professional. I haven’t had any formal training, but I do know how to buy clothes that are the proper size, flattering shape and reflect my natural style. As a result, it only takes me about five minutes to get dressed each morning, including shoes and accessories. Yes, five minutes. Which is good because I’m a night person and mornings are really rough for me.
Once I get dressed, I don’t think about what I’m wearing the rest of the day. I rarely look at a mirror unless I’m shooting a video or someone tells me that I’ve got food on my shirt, which happens frequently. What I love about feeling confident after I get dressed is that I don’t feel self-conscious. Also, my mental energy isn’t depleted by lingering doubts about how I look or how people think I look. In fact, when I feel good, then I am more likely to connect with others. It’s easier to give of myself when I feel good about me.
Three Promises I Made to Myself…
Would you believe that I’ve had that blazer for over 15 years? It used to be part of a suit that I paid $79.00 on clearance. That necklace was a $30 splurge for a special event in New York City, but I’ve been able to wear it often to add a little pop to simple garments like that plain white shirt.
After years of hating to shop and feeling badly in everything I wore, I decided to live by these three clothing promises:
- I would only purchase clothing or shoes that I absolutely, positively loved.
- I would only purchase items that looked great on me. Not good, but great.
- If something in my closet didn’t fit, I would get rid of it.
These three promises have simplified one of the most complicated decisions in my life – what I wear every day. Every morning, I have a 100% chance that I will feel great in what I am wearing. My closet is blessedly uncomplicated and I avoid feeling the pressure to keep buying clothes because what I own is already enough.
InStyle’s Social Media Assistant Editor, Jennifer Davis’ black dress
These shopping promises also mean that I can shop less. I don’t need to have overflowing closets of clothes. That’s right, you don’t need lots of clothes! InStyle’s Assistant Social Media Editor, Jennifer Davis1, wore the same little black dress for five work days and no one in her fashion-conscious office noticed. She mixed different accessories and layering options and no one ever knew that she repeated the same basic dress all week. Jennifer demonstrated how looking great isn’t about having more clothes or expensive clothes, but knowing how to mix and match what’s already there.
And, when I don’t love something anymore or it stops fitting like it used to, I don’t get emotional because I have lots of other things that I love. But, I do give it away. (By the way, I do own sweatpants and there are days when I want to wear them. In fact, while writing this article, I’m wearing sweats right now!)
Some of you feel intimidated or overwhelmed at the time and effort it will take to discover what is right for you. Yes, it will take an investment of time. However, you’ll end up saving hundreds of hours of frustration at the store or in your closet in the future. Once you know what you look great in, you won’t waste time or money buying things that make you less than beautiful.
Three Practical Tips for Your Current Closet
- Try on everything in your closet. I mean everything! Don’t be emotional about it. If you can’t fit something over your knees, slip it back off quickly and move on. You must control your thoughts and don’t let your clothes become a judge of your self-worth. You are more than your clothes! You are awesome! Keep repeating that to yourself!
- Divide your clothes and shoes into in two
piles: things that fit your proper size, have a flattering shape and style and then a pile for everything else. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself: Does this look and feel like me? Do I smile when I have this on?
- Let go of everything that doesn’t look or feel like you. Trust me. You won’t be
left naked. Let it go! Box it up and donate it. If you’re about to hyperventilate at the thought of doing this, invite a friend over to help you through this process.
I really wanted to buy this sweater – especially since I had a gift card! I tried this sweater on two different occasions. It was the right size and style, but the shape just wasn’t right for my body. So, I didn’t buy. And I don’t regret it!
Four Practical Tips For When You Do Need to Shop
- Let Your Clothes Be Your Guide – Review the pile of clothes that you love. Assess the colors, sizes, shape and style. Take pictures of your favorite shirts, pants and dresses. When you recognize the clothes that look good and makes you smile, then your shopping goal is to mimic what already works for you.
- Shop by Label – Look at the labels of the clothes that you already own and love. Shop at the stores that carry those labels. When it’s time to shop, go to those stores and start with trying on those labels first. You’ll get an extra boost of confidence knowing that that you’ve experienced success with that clothing brand. It will also reduce the amount of intimidation that you face when you walk into the store and see thousands of possibilities.
- Grab three sizes! We’ve got to make peace with the fact that clothing sizes aren’t consistent. You’ve just got to make peace with that. When I find an item, I grab the size that I think I wear as well as one size smaller and bigger. I try on all three without looking at the size. Then, I pick the one that fits best and makes me feel great about how I look! The feeling that I get from how I look that garment is much more satisfying than any shame or sadness over the number on the tag. No one knows what size you are unless you tell them, BUT they will notice if your clothes are too big or way too small.
- Listen to people – When you receive a compliment on an outfit, pay attention! Don’t brush off compliments or diminish them! Look that wonderful person in the eye and thank them. Compliments mean that you are moving about the world as your truest self and that’s a good thing!
I’d love your feedback! Did you try any of these clothing tips? How did you get through the process? Did you buy anything new? If so, let us see it!
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends! Hit the share buttons at the top or bottom of this post. Friends love friends who love and encourage them!
Source: http://news.instyle.com/2014/12/30/i-tried-it-i-wore-the-same-little-black-dress-for-a-week/
by Barb Roose | May 18, 2015 | Women's Topics
Let me fast-forward to the punch line of my story: Two buttons in the middle my button-down shirt popped while I was talking to a best-selling author. And, I didn’t know it until after our conversation was over.
I was hosting a book-signing event for this esteemed best-selling author, so I wanted to look smart and stylish, without appearing that I was trying too hard. So, that morning I selected a lovely plum button-down shirt with a smart, stylish collar. It was a shirt that I’d worn, without incident, many times before.
During our initial meeting, I escorted the author and his tour manager into the auditorium so that we could review the event. I enthusiastically gestured with my arms and pointed out various features in our large auditorium. The author and his road manager were quite engaged during my presentation. To their credit, their eyes were on my face the entire time.
I was on-stage doing weekend announcements and everyone thought that I had a cigarette in my hair. It was a pen. (But, my co-workers are still not convinced – ha!)
After they exited the auditorium stage, I walked down the corridor into the main hallway. A co-worker who was assisting me with the event pointed to the center of my chest. I looked down and I could plainly see the front of my sparkling white, padded bra was showing prominently for all to see. Oh, the horror…
I may be an African-American woman, but I can guarantee you in that moment, my face was as red as the bottom of the pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. I wanted to go home and hid under my comforter and never show my face again. But I couldn’t. The show had to go on!
I quickly buttoned my shirt and plastered a smile on my face before going back to work. I was dying inside, but I faked confidence until my real confidence returned. As the event leader, my team was counting on me not to go sulking into a corner. The night was a success and the author appreciated all of our hard work. He never made a comment about my wardrobe malfunction and to this day, I appreciate his gracious professionalism in the face of my horribly embarrassing moment.
But, that wasn’t my last embarrassing moment. As part of our church’s weekend team and women’s conference speaker, I’ve had a few unexpected clothing disasters over the years. I’ve lived through belts that come unhooked, scarves that slide off and zippers that fall down. I’m not special. We’ve all been there.
While the term “wardrobe malfunction” was made popular after the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson Super Bowl scandal, we’ve all experience one clothing catastrophe or another. We’ve left the house in mismatched socks or a shirt worn inside out. Many of us have split our pants or popped a button on a shirt. These moments are never convenient and the most we can hope for is that we discover that open zipper or stop Aunt Flo’s early arrival before anyone and everyone notices.
So, what do you do when a clothing catastrophe strikes? How do you handle that wardrobe catastrophe with style and sophistication AND without creating additional embarrassment:
- Stay calm – If something has come loose or split apart, stay calm and still. Quick or jerky body movements will make matters worse. Take a deep breath and repeat this: “I will be okay.”
- Enlist a friend – It’s not a good idea to yell, “Oh, my goodness! I just ripped a hole in my pants!” to the entire office. But, you can get the attention of a friend or co-worker you trust to be an ally. This person can be your excuse-maker, clothing donor or human shield, depending on the situation. I suggest asking another woman, but a good guy with a handy suit coat will do in certain situations.
- Plan your exit – Think about how you can discreetly exit from the your current situation with the least amount of attention. You may think that all eyes are own you, but trust me, most are checking their Twitter or playing 2048. Walk quietly and directly to the nearest exit. Beg a friend to follow behind if your wardrobe catastrophe needs a shield.
- Don’t overshare – Once you’ve addressed your clothing drama, come back to the gathering or slide back into your cubicle. Only do this if you can slip back in without drawing attention to yourself or outfit. Here’s the big tip: Don’t overshare about what happened. Letting folks know you had a clothing issue or malfunction is 100% satisfactory without going into details that could be used for office gossip later.
- Let it go. It happened. It was embarrassing. It’s over. You survived. Move on. Smile.
And remember, one day it will happen again.
Q4U: Do you have a wardrobe malfunction story that you’d like to share? Trust me, the best way to overcome the embarrassment is to share it and laugh about it! Let us laugh with you!
Thanks for stopping by and checking out today’s post. If you think that this post could bless another woman, feel free to share it! If you’d like to receive weekend encouragement, CLICK HERE to sign-up for my mailing list. I’d love to stay in touch!
by Barb Roose | Apr 20, 2015 | Women's Topics
We’re friends, right?
And even if you aren’t friends with me on social media or I haven’t been to your house to eat up your ice cream, you should know this about me: I really care about you.
I want you to wake up every morning and smile at yourself in the mirror – even with wicked bedhead and fuzzy teeth.
I want you to fling open your closet doors and slide into tops, bottoms, shoes or accessories that look like your “best you.”
Yet, there’s one thing that’s keeping you back. And, it’s the thing that I’m about to share with you.
My sweet, beautiful friend – lean in closely and read carefully:
GET RID OF THE CLOTHES THAT NO LONGER FIT YOU!
Sorry about the all caps action, but I wanted to make sure that you heard me. I feel bad – I know I just yelled at you. Why? Because I wanted to shout out what you’ve been thinking every time you put on those faded Mom-jeans, shapeless t-shirt or too-small top that won’t stretch anymore. I know you hate getting dressed in the morning because you don’t like what you see in the mirror. In this post, I want to shine some hope into your hearts. So, first let me remind you of an important truth that you might have forgotten:
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
(You know that I just saw you roll your eyes.). I know that many are discouraged by society’s obsession with perfection. But, the truth is that you are beautiful because God created you. Yet, I know that the images and messages around you have obscured that truth and you may not see it as clearly as you did at another time in life.
Beauty is a topic worth our attention. Too many women underestimate the impact of what we see in the mirror. Just get over yourself. Yes, that’s what we say to ourselves in the mirror. Oh, it’s not that important. That’s what we tell ourselves right before the tears stream down our face. Friends, beauty isn’t just about how we look, it’s about the impact on how we think and live. Who we are on the inside DOES matter most. But, how we think and present ourselves physically matters, too. You will connect more freely with the world around you if you feel better about yourself. Think about the people that you could love and serve if you weren’t so self-conscious or preoccupied with your size, shape or style.
Does it really matter if you get rid of the clothes that don’t fit?
Yes. Because every time you look at them, you attach meaning to those clothes. You know that you shouldn’t, but you do. So, I believe that what you own should be the reflection of your “best” you. Even if you toss out everything and have one amazing paid of jeans and one incredible shirt, that’s infinitely better than a closet full of those that make you sad. Don’t wear clothes that make you sad!
Ten years ago, I felt bad on the inside and out. On the outside, I wore shapeless t-shirts, gigantic sweaters, awful fitting Mom-jeans, etc. because I just didn’t care. Inside, I was overcome with disappointment, broken dreams and missed expectations. My clothes made me sad. Frankly, I didn’t care. Ever felt that way? Then, one day, a friend suggested that I simply put on a pair of earrings. Now, we both knew that earrings weren’t going to fix my life, but it forced me to take a moment to care for myself. This triggered something inside of me.
You can watch “What Not To Wear” on Netflix. I learned SOOO much about my personal fit and style from them!
One day, I started watching Clinton and Stacy on “What Not to Wear” and took notes on the clothes that women with my body shape were wearing. Buying new clothes wasn’t an option back then, so I decided to check out the Goodwill. Surprisingly, I found labels like Ann Klein, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, Gap and New York & Co. on those second-hand racks. When I stood before the mirror, wearing clothes that actually fit well, I cried. Why? I no longer saw a 31-year old woman broken down by her life. Instead, I saw a woman who was standing tall with a smile on her face. It felt great. I felt great.
I went home and got rid of everything that didn’t fit or didn’t not make me feel great about myself. for awhile, I wore the same clothes a lot, but I added great-fitting clothes as my budget allowed. These days, I can buy more, but I don’t. Why? I have one other important rule: I only buy what I absolutely, positively LOVE. If I don’t love it, it stays on the rack.
Now back to you: Is it time for you to care for yourself? Are you ready to get rid of the clothes that bum you out when you put them on? Even if you are down to one pair of pants and two shirts, if they make you feel like a million bucks – great! Rebuild from there. In the end, remember this: If it doesn’t “fit”, get rid of it!
Q4U (Question for you): What is one article of clothing that you’ve held onto for FAR too long? How long have you had it? Why do you hold on to it?
I’d love to hear your answers. Just take a moment to comment and let’s encourage each other! If you think this post could encourage another woman, feel free to share it up! By the way CLICK HERE to check out my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. Thanks for stopping by today,
by Barb Roose | Apr 8, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
One day, I took my then five-year-old daughter, Abbie, shopping with me. I needed to check out some new clothes and didn’t want to pay for a sitter. My youngest little girl has a kind and loving heart, so I can always count on her to have sweet and supportive things to say. After we arrived at the store, it took a few minutes for me to choose some clothes to try on in the dressing room. As we went entered the hallway of the dressing room area, I realized that there wasn’t a place for Abbie to sit. So, I brought her inside of my small dressing room and settled her on the little perch in the corner of the room.
Promising to be quick, I handed Abbie some crackers and turned to disrobe. Since the dressing room can be a judgment room, I mentally prepared to get half-naked and try on clothes that may or may not fit. What if it doesn’t fit? I should have worked out more. I wish that I was 10 pounds thinner! My little cherub munched on her crackers as I slipped out of my coat and turned to remove my top. Then, her munching stopped and her little voice piped up: “It’s OK, Mommy. I won’t laugh.”
So much for thinking that I had kept my insecurities to myself!
I was wrong. Somewhere along the line, my five-year old daughter picked up on my frustration over my size, shape or style, otherwise known as my “ugly struggle with beauty”.
“Why don’t I ever look good in anything?”
“My feet are SO big! Goodness, someone could use these for a boat!”
“Look at these hips! Nothing ever fits right over these hips!”
I never wanted Abbie or my other daughters to sense my discomfort with my body. Yet, I had passed my negative thinking and feelings about my size and shape onto my daughters.
In October 2013, I surveyed over 500 women about the topic of beauty and how beauty has impacted their lives. Many women reflected on how their mothers’ ugly struggle with beauty was passed along to them. Here’s one woman’s story:
My mother is a beautiful woman by anyone’s standards, but she does not see it that way. To this day, she works to support her beauty habits. She’s had breast augmentation, countless peels and laser resurfacing and practically lives at the salon. This was my model. I remember my mother telling me that I was beautiful, but I also remember her worrying about what I was eating, and how my hair looked and what other people would think about me. I scrutinize every imperfection on my face. I have long, full hair that other women compliment me on, but it’s fake. I shop a lot. I constantly size myself up against other women. It is honestly exhausting at times.
Clearly, her mother never intended for her daughter to inherit her ugly struggle with beauty, but our words and actions influence our daughters more than we realize.
Protecting our daughters from our ugly struggle…
Moms, we never want for our daughters is to experience the same sadness and frustration that we encounter in the mirror, right? If our daughters express a beauty-related struggle, we’re quick to go out an buy something to help. We make sure they have acne-free skin, pay for nose jobs or by them stylish clothes. Yet, trying to address their physical struggle doesn’t matter if our girls are also carrying around OUR beauty-related pain in their hearts and minds.
So, what do we do to influence our daughters away from our ugly struggle? The best way to keep our daughters from inheriting our ugly struggle with beauty is for us to win OUR ugly struggle with beauty!
There are three things that we need to do in order to win our ugly struggle or reduce our struggle’s impact on our daughter’s lives:
1. Understand your “beauty narrative” – What’s your beauty story? Talking about beauty is more than just talking about how we look, it’s about understand it’s impact on how we think and live. Are there nicknames or painful memories that you’ve carried around since childhood that whisper back to you each time you look in the mirror? When we don’t acknowledge the things that happened to us, we carry them around and give them the power to influence our thinking, feelings.
2. Re-Think Your Body – Your relationship with beauty begins in your mind. What you think drives how you feel and behave. If you struggle with you’re a certain body part or facial feature, then a practical tip would be re-frame how you think about that feature. How does that body part bless your life? What purpose does that body part serve in helping you love and care for the people around you? I struggle with the gap between my front teeth. Yet, my mouth affords me the opportunities to speak with women and encourage them. I know that my voice and smile would not be as effective without my two front teeth. So, those teeth are a blessing because they allow me to encourage others.
3. BE Beautiful! Beauty isn’t about our size, shape or style. Instead, we are beautiful when we recognize ourselves as creations of an Almighty God. We are not doomed because our hips may be too wide or our skin isn’t youthful or smooth. We are beautiful because God created us. Period.
When our daughters see us smiling at ourselves in the mirror, our daughters will remember and mimic that behavior. When our daughters overhear blessing our bodies, in spite of what our culture says about beauty, then our daughters will learn to bless their bodies in spite of what culture says about their beauty.
While we can’t protect our daughters from their own ugly struggle with beauty, we can protect them from inheriting ours.
QUESTION: How did your mom influence your opinions about beauty? What beliefs or attitudes have you carried from childhood into your adult years? Share your story by leaving a comment below.
Friends, thanks for stopping by today! If you think that this post could bless your friends, I’d love for you to share it!
