by Barb Roose | May 1, 2020 | Uncategorized
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Recently I have been working through Melissa Spoelstra’s bible study “Jeremiah,” The other day during one of our weekly discussions we were talking about the verse Jeremiah 29:11. While looking at the verse it made me wonder, what if our definition of “good” and “disaster” are different than his definitions.
It reminded me of my miscarriages.
January 2017, my husband and I went in for our twelve week ultrasound expecting to see our baby and hear his heartbeat, but that is not what happened. We found out that Francis, (we named all our lost babies to help give us closure) had no heartbeat and was measuring about 7 weeks. We were heartbroken and devastated. It did not feel like a good thing. It was heartbreaking, terrible, a “disaster.” We didn’t know how God could call that “good.”
After we lost Francis we decided to wait to try for another baby, because although we wanted that baby we knew we were not ready to be parents. In September 2017 we celebrated our first anniversary and decided that we were ready to start trying again.
Begin our waiting room journey.
At first we were having no success. Then, in March 2018, we had our second positive test. We went in at 6 weeks for an ultrasound. In my effort to manage my fear of another loss, I told myself things such like “if we hear the heartbeat early then we can do something to prevent losing this one,” and “if we find out early, it will hurt less if we find out there isn’t a heartbeat.” I didn’t want to start loving a new baby and feel that awful hurt all over again.
There was no heartbeat.
Or should I say heartbeats.
At that ultrasound we found out there were TWO embryos, but neither (Samuel and Veronica) had a heartbeat and both were measuring a week smaller than they should be.
It did not hurt any less finding out so early.
I was angry. I was in pain emotionally. Angry that God finally allowed me to get pregnant, only to let it end with a painful result. I didn’t understand why He allowed this pain and hurt to happen.
In my anger, I told myself lies such as if God let this happen, then He didn’t care about me. I began therapy. My therapist kept quoting Romans 8:28:
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God.”
I kept asking her how this could be good? Why does God keep causing this pain?
My waiting room journey dd not get easier, later in 2018 we had another miscarriage (Jessee) bringing our baby loss to four. I struggled with my faith, asking God why we kept losing babies.
Fast forward to January 2019…
Barb was in the process of writing her I’m Waiting, God bible study. As her assistant, I had the opportunity to be on her pilot team that helped Barb put the study together. During the third week of the study there was a journaling exercise asking us to list truths we haven’t told anyone. I prayed and asked God what my truth was and He pointed out my truth was “I don’t want a baby, I want one of the babies I lost.”
That truth felt like a huge weight lifted because I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I had to let go of that dream - those lost babies - and come to terms with the fact that I would not meet them in this lifetime.
While I was writing the journal entry, I heard God speak to me. I asked Him why. He reminded me that He allows some things to happen so that we may be brought back to Him. God wasn’t the cause of my loss. We live in a broken and sinful world where sometimes we lose loved ones.
A week after that journal entry, we received another positive pregnancy test. However, this time, we had a positive outcome. My husband and I welcomed Sophie to the world in September 2019 - just a week after the launch of the I’m Waiting, God Bible study.
So, how was my struggle “good”?
Looking back it was good that we did not have a baby at that time. Am I happy we lost any of those babies? No. Do I wish that having multiple miscarriages were not His plan? Yes.
God knew the plans He had for me. If we had had a baby at any of the times we were pregnant, we would have struggled a lot financially. While we were waiting, we paid down a lot of our debt which allowed me to work part time so that I could be home with Sophie more.
The biggest blessing of His delay was that He brought me closer to Him. God worked these losses for my good. My faith was just coasting, doing the bare minimum, but through my losses I turned toward Him. I came back to Him. God knows the plans He has for me.
His plan was good. He gave 2017 Katherine a future where she was able to spend her time with her baby, a deeper relationship with Him, and compassion and relatability she would never have had otherwise.
For those things I am grateful to God.
by Barb Roose | Mar 27, 2020 | Uncategorized
My middle daughter, Sami, called me today because she was feeling embarrassed. She’s been laid off from her job and her wonderful boss is trying to help her find a temporary position.
However, Sami doesn’t drive and she walked to work. Any temporary job would be farther away from where she lived and taking an Uber twice a day wasn’t in her budget.
I asked her why she was embarrassed and she replied: “I don’t like having to ask for help for something that I should be able to do for myself.”
I could see her eyes shining as she spoke to me via video. She works so hard to be responsible and for now, she has a gap between what she has and what she needs. I could see her sadness shining in her eyes.
Maybe your eyes are shining with a few tears, too. The virus crisis has created a scary gap in your life between what you have and what you need…
You’ve got more month than money…
You have worry up to your eyeballs and you need peace…
You have other problems other than the virus crisis and you NEED help keeping yourself together!
We can’t remind ourselves of this enough: It’s okay for us to grieve the loss of the way that our life used to be. If you’ve got a scary gap that’s on your mind 24/7, don’t beat yourself up.
Sometimes, gaps and crisis reveal that we might be infected with another kind of virus, a spiritually-deadly virus. It's called the “I-can-take-care-of-myself” infection also known as pride.
For years, I’d rather die than admit that I needed help, especially when it came to finances or with my kids.
I had an ah-ha moment while I was writing my new Surrendered Bible Study this summer.
As I studied Jesus’ 40-days in the wilderness, Matthew 4:11 changed how I thought about asking for help.
Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.
After three tough temptations, Jesus tells Satan to get away from him and the angels show up to attend to Jesus. Imagine if the angels of showed up and Jesus said, “Nah. I’m good. I’m sure that you angels have other people who need help. I can take care of myself.”
How often do we say that? Most people who offer to help us are doing so because they want to help. When we offer to help someone, we don’t think less of them, do we?
Here’s the ah-ha moment that I had: Jesus said “yes” to help when it was offered.
After 40 days of hunger, spiritual tension, and demonic attack, Jesus allowed the angels to show up and care for him. He could have seen to His own needs, but Jesus was humble enough to allow the angels to give, bring, and provide.
Here are three takeaways that I want you to think about today if you have been struggling to ask for help:
1. You have permission to ask for help.
You may have grown up in a family that didn’t believe in asking others for help. I need to speak some truth to you: that is an attitude centered in dangerous pride. It's time to reject that lie and embrace truth:
If Jesus accepted help, you can, too. Keep telling yourself that.
Ask yourself if you need physical help, spiritual help, emotional help, or financial help. Keep giving yourself permission to ask for help until you find the right help that you need.
2. You need to ask for help when you feel the 3 H’s: hurt, hopeless, or helpless.
Don’t let pride or even Satan whisper that you can figure it out or that you should be ashamed. Stomp on those whispers in Jesus’ name!
We’ve all seen people in our lives that we love refuse to get the help that they needed. The right people will not judge you. They will offer you love and compassion.
If you need words to ask for help, you can use these three powerful words: “I need help.”
3. God takes care of His children at all times, especially hard times.
I’m clinging to #3 right now during the virus crisis. Like many of you, I’ve been deeply affected by the crisis financially. But, I know that God will be enough for whatever it is that I will need.
If you have a gap in any area of your life, that’s where God wants to fill up that space with MORE of Him.
QUESTION: When do you struggle with asking for help?
Need help letting go of control?
by Barb Roose | Sep 5, 2018 | Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
Are you struggling with a worry that you can’t seem to pray away? Sometimes, the roots of our worries are buried so deep into our hearts and minds that we need to give God special permission to dig deep and remove it.
Have you always been worried about money?
Do you always worry about the people in your life getting hurt or abandoning you?
Are you quick to flip out when uncertainty just won’t get certain fast enough?
Some of our toughest worries are like that stubborn plaque that mere brushing can’t remove. To eliminate those deep down, stuck-on worries, we must be willing to put up with being uncomfortable while God’s expert hand goes to work. Like a dental hygienist’s hook, God uses a secret weapon to scrape and chip away those hard-to-remove roots of worry from our lives.
Warning: This secret weapon is rejected by most Christians in the US because it makes most Christians feel too uncomfortable.
What is this secret weapon? Fasting.
By definition, fasting is to abstain from all or some things of food or drink, especially as a religious observance.
I know that bringing up fasting makes most Christians uncomfortable. If that’s you, I promise that it’s okay. It’s safe for you to be a little squirmy right now. My friend, no one is judging you. Especially not me! I refused to fast for years, but God gently led me toward fasting and I believe that God wants to gently lead you there as well.
Let’s start here – How do you feel about fasting?
- Don’t know much about it.
- Intimidated or uncomfortable just thinking about it.
- Tried it, but not a good experience.
- Fasted in the past, but not recently.
- Periodic or regular fasting.
For many years, I tried fasting, but it wasn’t a good experience. I like food and it didn’t make sense as to why God would ask me to give it up during a fast. But then the pain of my life exceeded my cares about comfort. I encountered a spiritual battle so fierce and so difficult that I had to give God permission to use this secret weapon in my life. Not just so that I could survive my worry battle, but so that I could thrive in the midst of difficult circumstances.
What Jesus’ teaches us…
In Matthew chapter 4, God’s Spirit led Jesus into the desert to be tempted for 40 days and 40 nights. Think about what it must’ve been like for Jesus in the desert. There, He was fully exposed to harsh weather conditions and no protection from wild animals. He had no friends to call on and no place to lay His head.
Let’s not forget that Jesus didn’t eat for a very long time! Can you imagine going all that time without food? In the early days when I tried to fast, it only took about three or four hours before I wanted to give up and grab a snack. In this case, Jesus fasted for more than a month. If we calculate based on our Western diet, Jesus fasted 120 meals. And we feel like we could die after skipping just one meal!
Then the devil shows up. Note to self: Satan always show up when you’re in the midst of a difficult battle.
Why did God’s Spirit lead Jesus into the desert to be tempted?
It seems harsh that God would allow Jesus to endure spiritual temptation on an empty stomach. But God did this so that we could see how the power of God living within us can help us overcome our human desires, like worry, that can get out of control.
They say that a the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Thankfully Jesus proves that this isn’t the case. When the devil showed up, his first appeal was to Jesus’ hunger: “If you’re the Son of God, tell the stones to become loaves of bread” (Matthew 4:3).
When I read this verse, it’s not hard for me to imagine Satan holding a platter of fresh, hot bread with rich, melted butter slowly rolling down the sides. I can almost taste the yeasty aroma wafting through the air and floating under Jesus’ nose. Did Satan hope that Jesus would rationalize a reason to convert the stones on the ground in the hot, filling meal that would satisfy Jesus’ hunger, but scald his soul?
As a woman who has dealt with emotional eating as away to cope with stress and worry, I find that Jesus’ response in verse 4 ministers to my soul. Here’s what Jesus said: “People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
Jesus’ response to Satan reveals an essential need in my life: I can’t deal with my worry until I learn how to depend on God. It wasn’t until I fasted that I realized how often I sought comfort and security in other places instead of God.
When we voluntarily abstain from anything in our lives, it doesn’t take long for us to become uncomfortable with its absence as well. We’re upset by the loss of what comforts us and the exposure of that discomfort unsettles us. Richard Foster sums ups it up so well: “More than any other discipline, fasting reveals what controls us.”
When we fast, our thoughts and emotions reveal the rawest parts of us. Friend, when you fast and pray, ugly and very unspiritual thoughts WILL surface. That’s a good thing! This is the place where our most stubborn sin and fear hide away. But, once those places are exposed, God works on clearing them out so that we can experience freedom.
Jesus’ example of fasting isn’t just one that we can read and admire; it points to a pattern of discipleship that should be a part of every believer’s life. In Matthew 6:16, Jesus began his teaching on fasting with the phrase, “When you fast…” If you don’t have a “when” in your life, then perhaps today God’s gentle hand is leading you one step toward beginning that journey.
Do you need to fast?
Sometimes people get confused about whether or not Christians should fast. Jesus teaching on fasting emphasizes what not to do while fasting but it doesn’t discourage fasting itself. Here’s what Jesus says about fasting:
And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so that people will admire them for fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. (Matthew 6:16-18)
Jesus teaches that fasting should be the part of every believer’s life. But, Jesus entrusts us to figure out what kind of fasting we need. How you fast is between you and God. There is no perfect way to fast. If you need to start with just one meal, okay. If you need to start with fasting from one tv show, fine. Give yourself compassion if you halt a fast sooner than planned. Just keep praying and letting God’s Spirit move through you and within you – that’s the ultimate goal!
In my life, fasting happens on a weekly basis. I’m not super-spiritual. It’s actually the opposite. I share this just so you know how real and difficult my worry battle has been. I fast weekly because my faith needs it. It’s hard every time, but my fast day is when I trust God to work out my worry. I write about my personal fasting habits in my Joshua Bible study and Winning the Worry Battle book.
Next steps for you…
If you feel like God might be calling you to fast in order to deal with some stubborn worry in your life, here are a few next steps inspired by Campus Crusade Bill Bright’s classic guide on fasting:
- Identify WHY you need to fast – Do you need spiritual renewal, guidance, healing, resolution, courage or grace to handle a situation?
- Identify TYPE of fast – What do you use to give yourself comfort when you are stressed? Once you identify whether it’s food, social media, Netflix, alcohol, relational distractions, then that’s what you give up.
- Identify how LONG – Pray and ask God to give you insight on how long you should fast. If prayer doesn’t provide clarity, then talk to a friend.
- Pray – Anytime that you fast, prayer should be a part of the experience. Otherwise, you’re just going hungry, right?! You can use the time that you’d normally eat as time to talk to God or in silence.
LEAVE A COMMENT: How do you feel about fasting? What’s easy or intimidating for you?
by Barb Roose | Aug 21, 2018 | Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
by Barb Roose
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do,
but gets you nowhere. –Anonymous
Have you ever found yourself worrying about the bad things that could happen-whether they involve your family, your job, your finances, your health, or your future? Me too!
Have you ever spent a sleepless night worrying about the state of our nation or our world? My friend, you are not alone. If I had a pair of shoes for every time that I worried about something in my life, I’d need 100 closets to hold all of those shoes.
Disclaimer…I do not actually own all of these shoes. But there are a few pairs in that pile that I’ve got my eyes on.
There have been many times in my life when I felt like I was losing the worry battle. I had so many headaches from worrying about my kids, my husband, my marriage, or my career. Oh, the hours I spent pacing the floor at night thinking, rethinking, and overthinking all of the worries in my life. Every question in my mind began with “what if” and ended with some awful worst-case scenario. I tried to control my worries by trying to control everything and everyone in my life. But that never worked!
When Jesus spoke to the crowd, I imagine that he was speaking to people just like me when he said in Matthew 6:27 (NLT), “Can all of your worries add a single moment to your life?”
That is such a powerful truth?!
One study reported that the average person worries 55 minutes per day. That’s one hour per day that you spend day-dreaming or obsession about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. This means that you spend almost an hour each day imagining or obsessing about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. Furthermore, what happens to us when we worry? We get headaches, jittery nerves, upset stomachs, and just so tired. Worry really wears us out!
Since research also tells us that 80% of what you worry about never happens, the reality is this: Your worrying time is likely wasted time. By the time that you’re 50 years old, you’ve spent over 1,000,000 minutes of your life worrying. You don’t have to live this way!
Your life is precious! Are you tired of losing the best and precious minutes of your life stressed out and sleepless from worry?
Here is a list of five healthy and productive things that you can do the next time your mind starts to fixate on “what if” worries:
- Replace “what if” with the “God if…”
Your first line of defense against worry is prayer. Now, you don’t have to be a perfect prayer to pray, just a person who is willing and humble enough to pray.
Worry is a sign that we’re trying to solve our problems on our own. Prayer is the symbol that we’re willing to let God help us with our problems. So when you think “what if,” practice saying “God, if…” and fill in your fear. That is the beginning of your prayer, friend. Be honest with God and He wants to hear what you have to say.
- Read favorite Bible verses or a devotional.
One of my favorite sayings about our mind is Beware, your mind is a dangerous neighborhood, don’t go there on your own.
If you’re in a bad place mentally, infuse your mind with a healthy voice. Keep a list of healthy Bible verses close by or pull out a devotional and fill your mind with words that will focus you on God.
- Make a gratitude list.
Author Ann Voscamp said it best when she said “Gratitude is the birthplace of joy.” We worry because we’re afraid of losing something or someone that we love or care about. So, gratitude list as an essential reminder of how God has taken care of us in the past. Give yourself a goal of writing down 100 blessings on your gratitude list. As you remember how big God is, your worries will shrink way.
- Listen to music.
Music will change your mood! I like to listen with my headphones in because they block out other distractions. If you want to really change your mood, sing-along. You can’t sing and worry at the same time! Don’t believe? Try it!
- Walk and listen to a Christ-centered or uplifting messages/podcasts.
This was my #1 go-to strategy for the past couple of summers during a very stressful time in my family’s life.
I’m sure that I looked like Forrest Gump walking and walking and walking through our neighborhood, but all of those miles really helped me in a powerful way! The physical act of walking allowed my body to release endorphins to uplift my mood so I physically felt better. Then, Christ-centered YouTube messages and podcasts kept my mind healthy, which is so, so important! By the way, it’s Podcast Week over on my Better Together podcast. Click here to listen to messages that with give you the hope, help, and the practical next steps to get better!
Some final thoughts…
Is there anything on this list that God might be nudging you to try today. It’s so important that you do anything other than nothing! BUT, you don’t have to do everything. This list provides options. You can take what you like and leave the rest.
I am not sure what you are going through right now, but I know that God is standing right next to you. And just know, that I am cheering for you.
SHARE A COMMENT: What are some healthy ways that you deal with anxiety or worry? Share your tips below and allow God to use you to bless someone else!
MORE FROM BARBROOSE.COM
Gather your friends or women at your church for my Joshua Bible study this fall! If you or someone that you know struggles with worry or anxiety, the Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle Bible Study combines powerful Biblical principles and practical tools that work to end those stressed out days and sleepless nights!
BONUS: If you host the study at your church, let me know and I’ll provide a personalized invite video that you can use on Facebook or send via Youtube. Email barb@barbroose.com to request the video.
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by Barb Roose | Jul 30, 2013 | Christian Living/Discipleship
Our trip home from North Carolina was only supposed to take nine hours, expect it actually took 12 hours for my friend, Bobbie and I to get home. We were traveling in the wrong direction not once during our trip, but twice.
The first clue that we might be traveling in the wrong direction happened when we passed a Tanger Outlet Mall about two hours into our trip. Normally, seeing a Tanger Outlet Mall is cause for celebration. Except, that we realized that we hadn’t see that mall on our way down two days earlier.
So, I picked up my cell phone and discovered that while I had programmed our final destination into Google maps, I never did one important thing – I never pressed “START.”
When you’re lost and you don’t know it, it’s actually not that bad. After all, you don’t know that you’re lost. So, we were have a great time! Our cruise control was set at 76 mph and we chatted and laughed like teen girls about the highlights of our trip (more on that later this week!) and we listened to Dr. Brene Brown’s TedX podcasts (incredible!).
Noticing the outlet mall interrupted our reverie. All of the sudden, I sensed something wasn’t right. For the first time since we’d left two hours before, I picked up my phone and turned it over. There was a sick feeling in my stomach and all of the joy we had been experiencing until that point evaporated into a pile of bummer. Oh no!
We’d been driving 76 mph in the wrong direction for about previous 45 minutes. Not only had I made a mistake, but it was going to take twice the time to fix my stupid mistake. As they say, wasted time is a wasted of time.
Here’s quote from Andy Stanley. He’s smart dude, who knows stuff that I’ll never figure out: “Direction, not intention determines destination.”
My friend, Bobbie and I had every intention of getting back home to Ohio, yet our intentions meant nothing because our car was traveling in the wrong direction. In order to get home, our intention didn’t matter. We had to change our direction.
Now, back to you. Think about road trips as a metaphor for our lives. There are a lot of “destinations” that we have in life:
- We want to have fulfilling relationships…
- We want to be financially secure…
- We want to have peace or a life free from strife…
- We want to get to heaven…
Which “destination” are you trying to get to? How is your journey going? Do you feel like you are moving closer to the destination (not perfection!)?
If not, what do you need to do differently? Do you have intentions that are getting in the way of an actual re-direction? CLUE: If you are using the phrase “I’m trying to change,” you might consider dropping it. Like Star Wars’ Yoda says: “Do. Or do not. There is no try .'”
Now, I also have to confess that once Bobbie and I get ourselves back on track, we ended up getting off doing to wrong direction AGAIN a few hours later. (Feel free to make jokes about women drivers – I deserve it.) This time, we got distracted by talking. We really wanted to get home to see our families, but momentary distraction threw us off track again. Sheesh…
There are some important journeys that we all make in this life. We have relationships, careers, financial lives and spiritual journeys that must be intentionally navigated. We’ve got to keep our eyes on where we are actually going and we can’t get distracted. Afterall, isn’t the destination worth it? We want to experience the reality of healthy and nourishing relationships, financial security, tranquil living or eternal life – right? But, you won’t stumble on these by accident and getting distracted will sabotage your efforts every single time. So, here is a scriptural reminder of the high-stakes journeys that we are taking in this life:
There is a path before each person that seems right,
but it ends in death. -Proverbs 16:25 (New Living Translation)
But, it doesn’t have to be that way. The wise person knows how to find and walk the right path. If you are a person of faith, remember how many God-Positioning Scriptures that you have available to lead and guide you to the destinations of forgiveness, relational wellness, purpose, eternal life and so much more.
My favorite GPS (God-Positioning Scripture) is:
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. –Matthew 6:33 (New Living Translation)
Do you have a favorite GPS or God-Positioning Scripture? If so, share it on my Facebook page or in the comments section in order to encourage others. You might just be able to share a verse that someone else can use.
