This weekend I was the guest speaker to a beautiful group at Saturday's Northern Arizona Women's Conference in Flagstaff, AZ. We had a beautiful day in the Arizona mountains, worshipping, connecting, eating delicious food, and learning how to overcome our stress and overwhelm by living in Jesus' peace.
I shared the To-Don't List concept at the conference and the ladies responded so positively that I want to bring this conversation to you.
Special Request: I’d love to hear your feedback about today’s devotional because I may turn this into a workshop. You can hit reply and type “Helpful,” “It’s okay,” or “Not an issue for me.”
What inspired my To-Don’t List concept…As I share key themes from my new Stronger Than Stress book and Bible study, women frequently comment that they are doing too much. One of the types of overwhelm that I address in the book and Bible study is OVER-FUNCTIONING.
This overwhelm happens when you say "yes" to more than you have time or energy to do. In my experience, women who over-function are often high-capacity women who can do lots of things. The problem is that just because you can doesn't mean you should.
With this in mind, listen to what Jesus teaches about our life priorities:
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.' The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these." - Mark 12:30-31 NLT
Loving God isn’t about performance, but it is about a personal relationship with a Holy God. How do you show love to the people in your life? Time spent with them. You are learning about them and enjoying the connection with them. Our relationship with God flourishes when we think about Him during the day, talk with Him, listen for His leadings, and obey what He calls us to do. However, if you're doing too much, an entire day can pass by without connecting with God or even thinking about Him.
What does this have to do with a To-Don't List? If we look at Jesus' declaration of our priorities, the two questions that we must ask ourselves is this:
- Do you take time to nurture your relationship with God each day?
- Do you make time to take care of yourself every day?
If the answer to those questions is "yes," that's great! However, if the answer to one or both questions is "no," then you may be over-functioning, and a To-Don't List could be a practical tool to help you.
The To-Don't List is a helpful, stress-preventing tool that equips you to pre-decide (a favorite word from my friend, Kathi Lipp) what distractions undermine or distract you from spending time with God and taking good care of yourself.
Step One: Be Clear About Your Daily To-Do List
Mindset matters! What you believe to be actual deep inside of you will reveal itself in your behaviors. Many of us love God, but we've put God off to the side because we're carrying too much on our plates. However, we forget that God is sovereignly and powerfully capable of carrying the weight on our plate.
Unfortunately, our mindset is that once we finish the urgent tasks in our lives, then we’ll make time for God. Except our daily to-do lists are so long that we never finish them, so time with God is hit or miss. This also happens with our self-care. We say we must, but we take care of everyone else first. By then, we're too tired we're too tired to work out or we’re too tired to make healthy meals so we grab fast food.
IMPORTANT: Please don't drift into self-condemnation on this - but if you feel the gentle conviction of God's Spirit, that’s because God wants more FOR you! God knows that you might be struggling through the day and that His strength can make you stronger than your stress. But only you can make room to receive it.
As someone who can easily over-function, I made a To-Do list years ago that reflected my belief that my top priority is loving God, myself, and others. My daily To-Do List has five items: good sleep, healthy food, moving my body, time with God, and meaningful connections with others.
I've discovered that when I take care of my daily To-Do's, I'm more productive than if I was sleep-deprived, eating poorly, achy from no exercise, etc. The blessing is that I can accomplish so much more because I'm connected to God and His strength, and my body is rested and prepared for the daily work that I need to do. One of the a-ha moments in my life was recognizing that my To-Do’s needed my best energy of the day, not my exhausted fumes.
Question: What To-Do's do you need to establish so that your everyday life reflects God's priorities?
Step Two: Investigate Why You're Over-functioning
Everything that we do is attached to some belief or motivation. This can be an uncomfortable process getting to the root of why you're over-function, but the truth can set you free.
Here are six questions that can help you identify some areas of your life that need to be added to your To-Don't List. Journaling these questions or processing them with a trusted friend might be helpful.
- What activity/obligation do you dread each time it comes up on your calendar?
- What obligation/possession costs you more time than you have available or more money than you can afford?
- What activity/obligation have you said "yes" to because you liked someone asking you or were expected to do it?
- What are you doing because it looks impressive to others or it props up your low self-esteem?
- Do you like being the one that comes to the rescue?
- What are you afraid to let go of? Why?
Step Three: Brainstorm Some To-Don'ts and Test Them Out
If you have your To-Do's and a few potential To-Don'ts, it's time to test them out. You don't start over-functioning overnight, so it might take 30-60 days to see if you have the right To-Do's and To-Don't for this season of your life. Don't forget to pray and ask God for His guidance!
For example, I don't keep my phone in my bedroom at night. I believe that I do better during the day when I start my day with God. If my phone stays next to me, I'm wise enough to know that my phone will distract me, so that's why plugging it in my room is on my To-Don't List. I also don't keep desserts in my home. I don't have good self-control with desserts. Since loving myself is a belief, I needed to put buying desserts at the store on my To-Don't List. (I happily eat dessert when I'm out, especially ice cream.)
My To-Don'ts are mine so you may have different ones on your list. But here's what's essential for you to understand about the To-Don't list: This specific list of behaviors reflects the mindset or beliefs you believe about yourself or want to be true about yourself.
In Case You're Anxious About Starting To-Don't List...
Feeling anxious or panicky about letting go of some things is okay. You might be worried about disappointing others or that things might fall apart. However, I have a few mindset shifts that you may need to pray about making your own:
God hasn't called you to be everything to everybody. You don't need to feel pressured to fix every problem you find out about.
People may be temporarily disappointed if you can't help them or you need to resign or quit. But it is better to temporarily disappoint them than negatively impact your physical, spiritual, or emotional health.
If your departure leaves an empty spot, they will either fill it if it's critical or left empty, which means it wasn't needed.
If you are working crazy hours toward a goal or achieving a dream, your achievement won't be worth it without a satisfying relationship with God.
I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! Is over-functioning a challenge for you? What is on your Daily To-Do List? What about your To-Don't List?
