This Mama is Not in Control!

This Mama is Not in Control!

by | Aug 30, 2021 | Uncategorized

It’s celebration time in my home! In the near future, my youngest daughter will be moving out and into her own place (again). When her off-campus housing lease ended last August, she moved back home – and into my living room. This weekend, my mom and aunties drove across the state to give her a sweet “moving-BACK-out” shower! Not pictured: A lot more stuff that I couldn’t fit into this photo!

I live in a two-bedroom apartment and when I moved in three years ago after living in a five-bedroom home for over twenty years, we nicknamed the smaller bedroom, “The Postage Stamp.” One of the lessons that I learned during my long wilderness season was how to live simply and be content with less, so that tiny bedroom is just fine with me. The second larger bedroom is my office and since my daughter has been in nursing school and works overnight at the hospital, I didn’t think that she’d sleep well during the day while I’m doing my zoom calls.

So, the past year has been a surrender journey for the both of us. We couldn’t change the size of my apartment. We couldn’t control the that created the problem nor force the timing of when she could move out again.

I had to let go of what I couldn’t control. Since she was living in my living room and most of her stuff was in storage, I had to let go of any expectations of a well-organized area.

Some of you are muttering under your breathe, “But Barb, this is your house. She should have to follow your rules.” You aren’t wrong. But, there’s another question that I had to ask myself: “How important is it?”

If I nagged my sweet girt to meet my standards for cleanliness and organization in a space that wasn’t set up for success, then what would the likely result be? Maybe the space looked better, but my relationship with my daughter would be have worse. Nagging never leads to better relationships! Frankly, it would have been foolish for me to die on the hill of unfolded laundry.

Now, it’s your turn. Can I ask you three questions on this Monday morning what might be bugging you these days?

Are you trying to control a person or a situation?

How important is it?

Are you willing to let go for your own mental or emotional health?

When something important wiggles the wrong way that’s when we’re tempted to press the power button on relationship-damaging control-loving behaviors. Here are the SHINE control-loving behaviors that I discuss in my Surrendered Bible Study and Surrendered Devotional. If you’ve been using any of the following lately, then that is a sign that may need to let go and surrender that situation to God:

S – Stonewalling

H – Helicoptering

I – Interrupting

N – Nagging

E – Excessive Planning/Excessive Stockpiling

Now, there are some matters that rate a 9/10 or 10/10 in importance, but if you don’t have control over the situation or the person, then you need to let go for your own spiritual and mental health. As we talk about in the Surrendered Study, letting go isn’t giving up, nor is it giving in. Letting go is giving that situation, big or small, over to God and trusting that He can handle it and that you won’t try to control it.

TELL ME: Are there any control-loving behaviors that you’ve been struggling with lately? (You aren’t alone!) What situation do you need to give over to God today?

I’ve included a guided prayer exercise below for you, especially if you need to let go. As an added practical step, here’s how I’ve been coaching myself with Surrender Principle #1: “I am not in control of others or outcomes.” You can use this principle to coach yourself as well!

GUIDED PRAYER EXERCISE

Dear God, thank you for the start of this new week. There’s a lot going on and there is a lot on my heart and mind. God, I’ve been struggling with ___________________ (control-loving behavior) because ______________________ (problem) situation seems out of my control and I’m afraid that _______________________(outcome) will happen. But, I have to give ________________________ (situation/person) over to You and trust in Your power to handle it. Help me to remember to keep surrendering today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Nachos, Guac and Freedom in Christ

Nachos, Guac and Freedom in Christ

by | Aug 26, 2021 | Uncategorized

Today, I ate chips and guac for breakfast. Am I having a nervous breakdown or mid-life crisis? Nope. This is a picture of my freedom! For so much of my 20’s and 30’s, I lived by an EXHAUSTING list of rules that I thought would help me be happy, healthy and a good Christian. I had rules about breakfast foods, how the groceries should be unloaded at checkout or how the laundry should be sorted. I lived by religious rules like avoid the three M’s: malt liquor, booty-shaking music and most movies. Rather than freedom, those rules only increased fear in my life. What happened if I accidentally broke a rule? Would I mess up my life, my kids’ lived or would God punish me? Freedom came into my life once I realized this powerful principle:
🦋 God’s faithfulness to me is based on His promises not my performance. Once I began living from that truth, I stopped believing that I had to perform a certain way in order to gain God’s protection, favor or blessing.
Rather than performance, I could praise God – meaning, give thanks to Him for power, protection and provision.
This is what this precious gift of freedom looks like for me:
🦋 In my daily life, I listen for God’s voice of guidance with confidence that He will help me.
🦋 When I mess up, I turn back to God for restoration instead of running from God out of guilt.
🦋 As I navigate hard times, I trust that God is with me and for me, even if I’m having a bad day.
Here is today’s truth for you: God’s faithfulness to you is based on His promises and not your performance. You don’t have to earn God’s love. You can mess up God’s love. Take a deep breath and exhale out your fears! If you long for this type of freedom, check out my newest Breakthrough: Finding Freedom in Christ Bible study so that you can let go of religious rules and discover freedom in Christ!
How to Pray When You’re Not Sure What to Think or Say

How to Pray When You’re Not Sure What to Think or Say

by | Aug 16, 2021 | Uncategorized

Happy Monday to you.

 But, it doesn’t exactly feel like a Happy Monday given the devastating earthquake this weekend in Haiti and the Taliban takeover of Kabul.

Whenever bad news comes in, we tend to handle it in one of three ways. Which approach best describes you:

  1. You watch or read as much as you can in order to find out every little detail;
  2. You “see, sigh and scoot” - scanning the headlines, feel a deep pit of “ugh” and then get back to the stress of your day;
  3. Avoidance and guilty. You've got a mountain of your own problems and you can't handle anyone else's - and that makes you feel like a bad human.

How do we care about what’s happening in our world without becoming so overwhelmed?

Since I don’t own a television, I’m at least a B. I pray, but I don’t want to see all of the pictures and pain that will make me feel even more helpfulness. 

Earlier this week, well-known speaker and author, Jennie Allen, founder of the “If: Gathering” posted a meme that went viral. She said “We weren’t built to carry the problems of the whole wide world.”

She’s right. But while we weren’t built to carry the problems of the whole wide world, what should our response be right now? 

 If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I want to share three things that I’m focused on and there’s a prayer that goes along with it. If you’ve been wanting to pray and need words, keep reading.

  1. Remember that God is near, even if you don’t understand why God let it happen.

Many of us gets stuck on the question of why God allows bad things to happen in our world. I don’t have an answer as to “why,” but I do not that God isn’t the cause.

We live in a sinful and fallen world. This is not the world that God created. Tragically, billions of imperfect people have lived since the beginning of human history. We’ve committed all types of atrocities to each other. While we’re overwhelmed right now, God’s heart has been broken over our sin for thousands of years.

Right now, God’s heart is broken over the Haitian mothers and fathers weeping over the loss of their children. God weeps over the Afghani mothers and fathers living in terror right now over what will happen in the future.

Even in their devastation, God is near. 

God promises in his presence. I believe that God is at work in ways that we can’t see or know, but His power and provision is at work.

PRAYER: God, I pray for those in Haiti and Afghanistan as well as  those who are afraid and grieving. I pray that they would call upon Your name right now and that according to Your promises, You would answer them.

I pray for the believers who are in those areas. Supply their needs. Let them see Your supernatural peace, presence and power flow through and break down the walls of fear and hopelessness. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

    1. We must always put hope in God, not headlines or humans.

    Is what is happening in our world bad. Yes. It's breathingly awful. If our hearts are not torn by the scenes of humans clinging to plane because they fear for their lives, then we've lost our humanity.  I've received information those work with Afghan believers that those believers are being targeted and massacred. This is real.

    In light of the horror, we cannot lose hope. We can't, but God can. Never forget that! The news helps us to see what is happening, but the news cannot predict how God will show up in that situations that will never be covered by the news.

    Be informed. But do not shape your perspective on news headlines. We cannot limit our view of God based on what we see. I believe that God will be faithful to his people around the world as well. We pray in faith and we will pray God's promises for His people in Afghanistan and Haiti. Let us pray without ceasing for them!

    QUESTION: Is your view of the world or your hope shaped by your view of God or is your hope shaped by the headlines or how people behave?

    PRAYER: God, remind us to lift our eyes from the news headlines on  our mobile devices and TV screens and put them on you. Remind us that what we see happening in our world today isn’t a surprise to you. Open our eyes today and remind us of Your promises and Your faithfulness. Amen.

    1. Prayer should be our first response, not a last resort.*

    Prayer is powerful. Jesus prayed - and he knew all about the sinful world that we live in today. He still prayed because God still answers prayer.

    Don’t let feeling helpless trick you into believing otherwise. Prayer is how we align our hearts with God and when we receive His promptings.  

    Yesterday, I exchanged some messages with friends who’ve served in Afghanistan. They are devastated because they want to help their friends, who are like family, but are currently enabled to do so. They have provided helpful prayer requests.

    If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or feeling hopeless, prayer is the place where you can receive the supernatural guidance or inspiration that you may be looking for.

    PRAYER REQUESTS FOR AFGHANISTAN

    1. International forces need to keep airspace open and allow for commercial and evacuation rights.
    2. Countries to open borders for families trying to leave.

    PRAYER: Dear God, I pray for those who are living in fear and terror right now. While I may not understand what they are going through, You do. God, I don't know what to do, but I am willing to be Your light and love of Christ in the world. Show me how today. In Jesus' name, Amen.

    *This is borrowed from my church. Our motto is “Pray First.”

    Healthy, Holy Body Confidence: Barb’s Fitness and Eating Tips

    Healthy, Holy Body Confidence: Barb’s Fitness and Eating Tips

    by | Jul 1, 2021 | Uncategorized

    Just because we love Jesus, that doesn’t mean that we don’t struggle with what we see in the mirror.

    Join Barb and find out how she won her ugly struggle with beauty. She’ll provide Biblical wisdom and practical advice on how you can love your God-given body no matter your size, shape or style.

    Big Ideas from Today's Show

    1. What’s on the inside matters most, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

    God created both our insides and our outsides. When Jesus hung on the cross, it was His body that hung there for us. Barb gave us permission to stop ignoring our outward appearance and the impact that it has on our lives.

    2. Contrary to popular belief, beauty is a spiritual topic.

    We have allowed the world to hijack the definition of beauty, but God is the creator of beauty, not us. Beauty is not a worldly or secular topic. Take some time to read through Genesis 1 to see just how much God cares about beauty.

    3. You are beautiful because God created you.

    Genesis 1:26 shows us that we were intentionally created in God's very image. In verse 31, God then looked over everything He had made and saw that it was very good. Because humankind is part of God's creation, we can say with assurance that we are beautiful as well. When you look in the mirror, speak God's truth over you. I am beautiful because God created me.

    4. “You will not take care of a body that you do not love.”

    It is not wrong to take time to care for and steward our bodies. We as women tend to struggle with feelings of guilt for caring for our bodies, but it can be healthy to take the time to do nice things for ourselves such as finally getting that haircut or taking that time off.

    5. Smile in the mirror one minute each day.

    When we want to show appreciation to those we care about, we smile at them. Instead of picking yourself apart, take the time to smile at yourself.

    Links from today's episode:

    Barb's Better Together Moments Magazine

    Sign up here!

    Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty

    Get your copy here.

    Better Together host Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author with a passion to help women live beautifully strong and courageous in Jesus' name. She's the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus and Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. Visit Barb's online home at barbroose.com.

    Three Years Ago Today

    Three Years Ago Today

    by | Jul 1, 2021 | Uncategorized

    Three years ago today that I backed up a 18’ U-Haul truck down a narrow alley behind a newly renovated apartment building.

    It was over 90 degrees that day, so I couldn’t really tell the difference between my sweat and my tears.

    When I took French in school, we learned the phrase “C’est la vie” which is translates “such is life.” This phrase is used when life doesn’t go as planned.

    Three years ago today was never in my plans. 

    The addiction that robbed our family of its wholeness and then came back and suffocated us until we had to leave wasn’t in my plans. 

    Leaving my home of over 20 years where I raised my kids was never in my plans. 

    The divorce, starting my life over at 45 alone, still attending family addiction recovery support meetings…none of that was never in my plans. 

    C’est la vie.

    No doubt, you’ve got a few days on the calendar in your life that didn’t go as planned. Maybe right now, you’re in a life-or-death grip, holding on to someone or something that you’re trying to keep together…but it’s tearing you apart.

    The best that you can give yourself in life’s “C’est la vie” moments is the Gift of Surrender.

    Surrender isn’t giving up.

    Surrender isn’t giving in.

    Surrender is a gift that we give ourselves.

    We surrender when we give over what we love or care about to God because we finally humbly accept that only He can handle it.

    Surrender is your only path to peace.

    Today, there is still grief and sadness in remembering, but in my living there is blessed shalom. Over the years, God has been abundantly faithful to His promise to give me the peace that truly does blows my mind.

    God's love held me together when I was falling apart.

    God has provided more than I could ask or imagine.

    He healed the heartache.

    He surrounded me with the support that I needed.

    God wants to do the same for you. Is there something that you’re trying to hold together, but it’s tearing you apart?

    What or who do you need to surrender today?

    If you need a simple prayer, you can use this: God, I can’t, but You can and I will let you. Amen.

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