How’d you do? Confession time: If I’m in an unhealthy place, I will hit the maximum score every time.  What about you? If we peel back the layers of overfunctioning, our doing-too-much dysfunction comes from a good place. As women, our goal is to protect what we love, fix what’s broken, and keep everyone and everything on track. However, when we’re not aware of our motives, we’re driven by guilt, or we’re afraid for any reason, our good intentions morph into unhealthy overfunctioning.

 

There’s a New Testament woman who was stressed because she was doing too much. We’ve covered her story in a past Happy Monday series, but let’s look at her story again from a different perspective. Even if you know the story of Martha and Jesus, pay attention to Jesus’ compassionate but very insightful response to Martha’s frustration.

 

 

Notice that Martha welcomed Jesus and his entourage with open arms. This shows us Martha’s heart came from a good place. It’s so easy for us to be critical of Martha, but let’s not overlook her strengths. Some of us are Marthas. Even if you’re not, let’s appreciate:

 

 

 

I point these reminders out so we don’t overlook the good in Martha. However, here’s where Martha lost herself:

 

 

So any of us could relate to Martha’s to-do list and her angst, but chances are Martha was doing more than needed because of her personal motives. In the midst of doing good things, Martha lost sight of her identity as a child of God.

 

This happens to so many of us. We make taking care of others our life’s purpose. Taking care of others can give us purpose, but let’s not confuse caring for others as our sole sense of purpose or identity. Our identity is God’s child, not taking care of others or a specific job. Too many of us hace attached our identity to what we do for others –  or worse yet, taking over for people who should be taking care of themselves.

 

This is why Jesus says the following to our friend, Martha:

 

 

Yes, Jesus affirmed Mary’s desire to sit and learn at his feet. At the same time, Jesus included a reminder to Mary that she was more than what she could do for others. Martha needed to know that she didn’t need to earn her self-worth by serving others. As I wrote in Stronger Than Stress, God created us as human be-ings, not human doings. Just being a child of God is always enough.

 

For so many years, I performed Christianity because I felt like God would love me to the extent that I did things that made Him happy. But, this error in understanding grace led to faith where I was always doing for God like Martha, but struggling to sit with God like Mary.

 

I transferred this overfunctioning mindset into my relationships. It seemed to work when I was a young wife and mother. My good intentions became dysfunctional when my then-spouse struggled with alcohol addiction.  When I felt my marriage slipping away, I kicked into overfunctioning overdrive. I’d checked every one of those on the quiz. And I was miserable because I was doing too much out of fear and a desire to fix what only God could handle.

 

The a-ha moment came when I began attending a family addiction support group meeting back in 2016 and learned one important slogan that has helped me so much:

 

 

This means that I need to take care of the things that I’m responsible for. Then, I need to be aware of not inserting myself into things that God is responsible for, which is other people and circumstances beyond my control. I learned how to do less to make room for God to do more.

 

Where do you need to “keep your eyes on your own hula hoop”? If you’re not sure, look back at that quiz.

 

There are certain phrases that overfunctioners tend say. I’ve listed a few below. If you recognize these, consider where God maybe prompting you to back off because you’re doing to much. Take this pause seriously because you maybe jumping into territory that are actually where God is working and you maybe getting in the way.

 

Ask: Should someone else take care of this, especially if I am tired or I haven’t been consistent with time with God or my own self-care?

Ask: Am I responsible for this, or am I overstepping where someone else should be taking the lead instead of me?

Ask: Am I doing it because I like feeling needed, or am I afraid that someone won’t do it as I would?