When was the last time you were naked and felt no shame?
Take a deep breath. We’re not going to talk about being physically naked, or ‘nekkid’ as many like to say. Today, we’re going to delve into what it means to step up and live with authenticity and vulnerability – being real and inviting people to get real with us. That’s what we can refer to as “emotional nakedness.”
Ummm, Barb. Uh, I’m not comfortable talking about this…
I know that you don’t want to talk about this, but stay with me. You NEED to lean into this one. Why? Because I know that there are places in your life where you want MORE than how you are living now! You want to live with purpose. But, you can’t live purpose if you only skim the top of what it means to be real with the people around you that you love and care about.
Living authentically occurs when our actions, beliefs and character are the same, no matter if we’re overheard talking with our kids at the store or we’re hanging out in the lobby at church. Authenticity is best described by the phrase “keepin’ it real.” Like on Saturday, I had to do eight loads of laundry and clean my house. It was a wreck. #keepitSERIOUSLYreal
Vulnerability is much scarier than authenticity. When you’re authentic, you don’t have to care about what people think, you’re just putting you out there. In my opinion, vulnerability is the highest form of emotional and spiritual nakedness.
Storyteller and researcher, Dr. Brene Brown, has elevated the discussion about the power of vulnerability. Here’s how she describes vulnerability: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Vulnerability seems a little like living at a nudist colony (not that I’ve ever been to one…) You are completely exposed to those around you and they can give you feedback on what they think and see. Yet, under the right conditions, vulnerability is powerful. When we allow people that we love and trust to speak truth into our lives, we learn to see past the blind spots that are holding us back or taking us down. Vulnerability gives us the precious knowledge that we are loved as we are and most importantly, for who we are.
God loves you as you are. But, He loves you too much to leave you as you are. He’s got great plans for you!
As you read that, you may have many reasons why God shouldn’t love you for what you’ve done or how you screamed at your kid today – but He loves you. As the old saying goes: “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you less.” It’s a shame that some of us are plagued by secret whispers that we don’t deserve or shouldn’t expect God’s best for us. That’s the voice of shame.
When we feel shame, it is a self-imposed shackle that we must break free from as soon as possible. Shame clouds our ability to see what God wants to do in us and through us.
Here’s a few questions for you to consider today. You are welcome to share your answers in the comments below or find a trust Christian friend or counselor to discuss:
Where are the places where I feel ashamed, or unworthy of love or acceptance?
How willing am I to let people get to know the real me? Where do I start shutting people out? Do I know why?
What would it mean for my life if I could live “naked and unashamed?”
Only one more day left in our Beautiful Devotional! Thank you for joining me this week! I’d love to stay connected with you on a regular basis, so make sure to find me on Twitter (@barbroose) or join the community over at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul.
Have you ever run into a woman who was bad tempered, rude, or argumentative?
While I don’t watch many reality television shows lately, I see lots of previews or recaps. The shows all seem to have a few things in common: wealthy, physically-attractive women who scream, fight, scheme, claw, cuss, cheat or threaten each other.
These women spend thousands of dollars on hair, make-up, cosmetic surgery and personal trainers to look as beautiful or desirable as possible, yet their on-screen behavior is downright UGLY.
I don’t get it. But, the writer in Ecclesiastes says: There is nothing new under the sun.
In the New Testament, one of the scriptural authors addresses a community of married women who were new to following Christ. These women were wealthy and heavily influenced by their sophisticated, educated culture. They competed against each other for the best hair, make-up, and jewelry using strategies that probably wouldn’t be completely unfamiliar in our modern times. Like many of us, these women wanted to be admired and desired by all who saw them. If there was a reality television show during that time, these ancient women would have been all up in our television screens.
Yet, the scriptural author, Peter, calls the women to aspire to more than competition over hair, clothes or reputation. Check out the verse in the box from 1 Peter 3:4.
Peter, isn’t being harsh when he speaks to the women. He wasn’t bashing beauty enhancements, rather, he contrasts what a woman does with her outer appearance against what God accomplishes by His divine work within us.
There are two descriptives that Peter calls women who aspire toward: gentleness and quietness. These two words used to discourage me on a regular basis.
Friends, there is nothing conventionally gentle or quiet about me. I’m 5’10” with big feet and a loud voice. Everything about me looks like it is moving at 100mph. So, I felt like a failure every time someone shared Peter’s teachings on these two qualities of inner beauty.
Why can’t I be like the nice ladies with the polite smiles dressed in pearls and matching sweater sets. I can get frustrated and loud, yet those women never seemed to get kerfluffled? What’s wrong with ME?!!!
Years ago, I discovered God’s prescription for inner beauty was a mixture of qualities that would complement even my energetic, demonstrative nature. Here are the qualities of a gentleness and quietness:
Gentleness: Maintaining a gracious attitude, friendly behavior and humble character.
Quietness: Choosing to possess tranquility, respectfulness and submissiveness as opposed to worry or rebelliousness.
First, how do we cultivate gentleness? Where do we start? One of the first steps would be self-awareness. I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I don’t know how I look or sound to others. So, practice your conversations in front of the mirror. Pretend like you are talking to your family or friends and look at your facial expressions. Does your face look friendly and kind or put-upon and bothered? After self-awareness comes another tip: Just be nice to people. (Yep, I’m working on that, too…)
Now, quietness might be freaking some of you out right now. You saw the words “respect” and “submit” and you’re concerned that I’m going to try to sell you a page from “The Caveman Times.” I can see you rolling your eyes and saying:
“I’m a modern woman, Barb. Don’t you try to tell me that I should let someone rule over me.”
Ladies, respect and submission have nothing to do with coercion or weakness. In fact, they are wholly the opposite. Both are a 100% free act of the will. You can choose or not choose. Before you choose, answer this: What is the opposite of quietness? If the idea of not having the final say-so (control/manipulation) is so horrible for you, then what’s your other choice? Answer: It’s a life of constant worry and strife.
Some of you know what I’m talking about right now.
When you constantly fight for control or assert your right to be right in front of your spouse, kids, friends or co-workers, chances are that your life is filled with frustration, worry or strife. Might I ask with complete humility: How’s that working for you?
When life isn’t going our way, our first inclination is to rise up and fight for control. And the fighting and the resistance makes us miserable – and our reactions probably look pretty ugly. Yet, God has chosen women to be the standard-bearers of His beauty in our cold, harsh world. What kind of light for Christ could we be if we practiced the beauty of gentleness and humility?
Q4U: Which one – gentleness or quietness – feels like more of a challenge for you? Leave a comment below!
Thanks for stopping by! We’ve got just a few days left in the Beautiful Devotional and I hope that you’ve been blessed. I’d love to hear how God has used this devotional in your life. Feel free to leave a comment below! If this post has blessed you today, please share it with others!
How many of us are still carrying around painful words spoken to us during our childhood or teenage years?
“Your nose looks like Captain Hook!”
“You’re so dark that we’d lose you if the lights were off.”
“My dog is cuter than you.”
Ouch. No only do those phrases hurt our eyes, but if those words were ever directed at you, those horrible words hurt your heart, too.
While we can’t undo what we heard as kids, we can be proactive about who we allow access to the most important part of us: our heart. The question is: How do we protect our hearts?
Do you realize that your heart is your most valuable possession? This is why God says that we must guard our hearts because the rest of our life depends on the condition of our hearts!
We’re switching things up today! This 2-minute video clip was from our February 2015 LivingItOut video podcast titled “Strengthening Your Relationships.” In this clip, I’m discussion how to “guard our hearts” when it comes to relationships with others.
Q4U #1: What are some of the things you heard about your size, shape or style as a kid that still stick in your memories today? How did those words impact your life?
Q4U #2 – Think about some of your most difficult relationships. Where are people crossing the line in your life? What are some sensors or triggers that you need to install in order to protect your heart? (How do you need to restructure how/when you interact with them?
Thanks for joining me for the Beautiful Devotional Day #3! Please share this post with others and invite them to subscribe to Barbroose.com for more encouragement and inspiration for the remaining days of this devotional and in the weeks to come!
There are few movies that have transcended the generations. The “Wizard of Oz” is one of those movies. While my kids weren’t swept away with the same sense of awe that I experienced in my younger years, I could tell they enjoyed it just the same. Seriously, who wouldn’t enjoy the snappy, happy songs, and exciting pre-CGI moments like when mean Ms. Gulch morphed into a witch and the movie switched from black-n-white to Technicolor. It’s like a retro-thrill for us.
Each main character in the movie had a specific need and they believed that there was One who could fulfill that need:
The Scarecrow wanted a brain.
The Tin Man wanted a heart.
The Cowardly Lion wanted courage.
And Dorothy wanted to go home.
(Frankly, I think Dorothy should have been happy enough with those sparkly red shoes. Holla.)
Anywhoo, after the group sashayed down the Yellow Brick Road and crashed the gates of the Wizard’s Emerald City, they had a chance to make the big “Ask.” Yet, the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion all wimped out, instead pushing Dorothy to the forefront to present their needs.
For all of their intent to obtain their heart’s desire, the characters let fear and worry strip away their opportunity to make the “ask.”
And we do, too. Too often, we pass on making the “ask.”
A few days ago, I sat in the bed with a deep pit in my stomach – a deep pit filled to the brim with acidic worry. It wasn’t a life or death situation, but something serious enough for a deep, dark crater to open in the center of my being and fill with burning, bubbly anxiety and fear. The pit seemed to whisper “doom and gloom” over and over again. And, the longer I felt worried, the bigger the pit seemed to get.
You know the feeling?
Luckily, I realized that the pit didn’t own me. I remembered that I didn’t have to listen to the lies from that pit.
Neither do you. We don’t have to let it grow out of control. Here’s some encouragement for you today:
Give all of your worries and cares to God for he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:7
We give our worries to God when we pray. Prayer is talking to God. You don’t need fancy words. My friends, prayer is the only way to combat that horrible doom feeling inside. Prayer fills in the pit. But, you can’t pawn this off on someone else. You have to pray. Even if you are praying for someone else and you are afraid, only you can give your worries to God.
How can you do this today?
1. What specifically are you worried about? Clarify your thoughts as well as your feelings.
2. Tell God about it. Use regular words. Be honest. If you haven’t prayed in awhile, today’s a good day to start!
3. God’s not your magical genie and prayer isn’t an “Easy Button.” The purpose of prayer is to connect yourself to God’s heart and eliminate worry, not to have God give you exactly what you want. The Bible tells us to boldly make our requests known to God, but trust in God’s sovereignty for the outcome.
4. Once you give your fears, worries or anxieties over to God, don’t try to take them back!
Thanks for reading today! What do you worry about? Do you struggle with praying? Tell us about your experience – you can leave a comment here or on my Facebook page. Also, if you think that others would find this post helpful, I’d love you to share it with them. God bless! Barb
My dog, Quimby and I were out on a walk. I was preoccupied with dark thoughts of disappointment and frustrations while Quimby checked the neighborhood canine newsfeed along the trees.
As we walked down the street next to ours, my eyes focused on a particular home. I quickly remembered a date: June 6. The front door swung open and my eyes shifted. I saw a couple walking down the sidewalk toward their car. I only speak to them once every few years or so. It happened that today would be one of those days. I took a deep breath and spoke: “Excuse me.”
As the couple turned, I felt uncharacteristically bashful, but pressed on: “I just wanted you to know that at this time every year, I remember your daughter.”
Their daughter, Ellie, passed away in early June about 10 or so years ago. Ellie was only eight or nine – the age of my oldest daughter. On our nightly family walk, I would see her parents sitting on their front porch next to Ellie in her wheelchair. Her body slowly draining from the tumor that was ending her life.
We didn’t know their family well, actually, but we heard stories of Ellie’s funeral. A neighbor told me that Ellie’s mother, an school administrator, wanted an over-the-top celebration her daughter’s short life because Ellie would not have a graduation party or wedding to plan for.
A mother’s greatest fear is the loss of a child. Out of that nightmare and through the tears, Ellie’s mother birthed a celebration, complete with beautiful white doves. And I have quietly admired her all of these years for her strength and determination.
This morning, Ellie’s parents were leaving for a birthday party. Yet, after I spoke, Ellie’s dad got out of the car and walked toward the house. My heart sank because I thought that my words may have been ill-timed. Then, Ellie’s mother said: “Thank you. Sometimes, we feel that no one remembers Ellie anymore.”
I stood quietly and looked at the ground. A moment later, Ellie’s dad walked up and extended his hand to me and said: “I’ll give you this and you hand me that.” Well, this was a beautiful flower in full bloom and that, well it was a bag of dog poo. Yep. Hardly an even exchange – but I gratefully accepted the gift anyways.
It was a blurry half-mile walk back to my house. In my mind, I reflected on the hurt that I harbored on this morning’s walk. The pain was real, but as I thought about life’s regrets, mistakes, pain and suffering, I looked through my tears and gazed at the beautiful flower in my hand. The flower that I held was created by the same God who created me. It is fragile, like me. It could be crushed, like me. Yet, it was created to bloom…like me.
Here is the flower that Ellie’s dad gave me.
Then an ancient verse came to mind:
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.*
We all have bad days. Tough days. And, today is one of mine. So, I reflect on this verse and know that the promise that the scriptural author made long ago to the captive people of ancient Israel is the same promise that is recorded in many places later in the Bible for believers today.
Even after loss, life goes on. After heartache, life goes on. After struggle, life goes on. But, the question is how will it go on?
Will your life go on in hope or despair?
I choose hope. I’m not just wishing things will get better, I have hope that they will. A proven hope in a God that sees things from beginning to end and isn’t daunted by my failures or the failures of others.
Ellie’s life might have ended on this earth many years ago. Yet, today was a moment to remember her life and gives thanks to God for the lesson that it taught me.
Barb Roose is a speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous so that they experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives.
Check out Barb’s new releases, Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm book and Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelms Bible study.
Barb lives in NW Ohio and is proud mother of three adult kids. Whenever possible, Barb prefers to eat dessert first. Visit Barb’s online home at barbroose.com.
