Happy Labor Day weekend!

It's the last official weekend of the summer. Even though our country seems like it's in the midst of a national temper tantrum, I hope that you enjoy tension-free, argument-free time with friends and family.

I'm sharing five tools with you today so that YOU can enjoy yourself, no matter how anyone else behaves. These are tried-and-true strategies, all grounded in faith and practical wisdom.

1. PRAY

Before you open the door to guests or ring the doorbell of your host's home, invite the Holy Spirit to prepare your heart, mind and especially your mouth! Here are two verses that you can screenshot and use today or any other time:

"God, please give me kind words, a kind heart and a kind attitude toward this person that I'm about to talk to right now. In Jesus' name, Amen." (Inspired by Proverbs 16:24 NLT)

"God, You know that it's SO hard for me to keep quiet when ______________ starts in on ___________________ (controversial topic), so God, I pray that You help me to be QUICK to listen, SLOW to speak and SLOW to get angry. I can do this with Your help. Amen. (James 1:19 NLT)

2. Let Go of Expectations

Other people can't make you angry unless you let them. Most of what makes us angry is having unreasonable expectations of others or how things should go. You have to let go of expecting people to act a certain way, especially if they've proven otherwise. If you hold onto those expectations, then you're going to be miserable and you shouldn't blame them for it.

God, I need to let go of expecting _____________________ today so that I don't ruin my day.

Here's a helpful tool from my Surrendered Bible study that many of you already know: "I am not in control of others or outcomes".

Repeat it over and over again as needed.

3. "That's interesting. You may be right."

This reply validates someone's opinion without agreeing with or endorsing it. The keyword is "may be".

Use this response to avoid or end a potential argument. Don't ruin your day over a random conversation!

4. "I don't know how to answer that. Let me think about it and get back to you."

 Like the previous suggestion, this is a wise and wonderful way to short-circuit someone's attempt to bait you into an argument. Again, this is supposed to be a fun family gathering, not a presidential debate. Proverbs 26:4 warns us to avoid having conversations with people who are arguers. Why? Because their behavior drags us down to their level.

You are too valuable and precious to sling mud. Resist.

5. Pre-Set a "Bounce" Time

If every family gathering turns into a family temper tantrum, then perhaps, you need to arrange a pre-set "bounce" or departure time.

When people are full of food or feeling tipsy, it's easy for tongues to loosen. Years ago, a friend and her adult siblings instituted a two-hour rule at family gatherings. Family members only had to stay for two hours and then they could leave.

Over time, more family members showed up because there was less fighting. If a disagreement broke out, people could leave. The quality of their family time increased, even though the time that they spend together decreased. How cool is that?!

Happy Monday to you!

Love, Barb

I live in a two-bedroom apartment and when I moved in three years ago after living in a five-bedroom home for over twenty years, we nicknamed the smaller bedroom, “The Postage Stamp.” One of the lessons that I learned during my long wilderness season was how to live simply and be content with less, so that tiny bedroom is just fine with me. The second larger bedroom is my office and since my daughter has been in nursing school and works overnight at the hospital, I didn’t think that she’d sleep well during the day while I’m doing my zoom calls.

So, the past year has been a surrender journey for the both of us. We couldn’t change the size of my apartment. We couldn’t control the that created the problem nor force the timing of when she could move out again.

I had to let go of what I couldn’t control. Since she was living in my living room and most of her stuff was in storage, I had to let go of any expectations of a well-organized area.

Some of you are muttering under your breathe, “But Barb, this is your house. She should have to follow your rules.” You aren’t wrong. But, there’s another question that I had to ask myself: “How important is it?”

If I nagged my sweet girt to meet my standards for cleanliness and organization in a space that wasn’t set up for success, then what would the likely result be? Maybe the space looked better, but my relationship with my daughter would be have worse. Nagging never leads to better relationships! Frankly, it would have been foolish for me to die on the hill of unfolded laundry.

Now, it’s your turn. Can I ask you three questions on this Monday morning what might be bugging you these days?

Are you trying to control a person or a situation?

How important is it?

Are you willing to let go for your own mental or emotional health?

When something important wiggles the wrong way that’s when we’re tempted to press the power button on relationship-damaging control-loving behaviors. Here are the SHINE control-loving behaviors that I discuss in my Surrendered Bible Study and Surrendered Devotional. If you’ve been using any of the following lately, then that is a sign that may need to let go and surrender that situation to God:

S – Stonewalling

H – Helicoptering

I – Interrupting

N – Nagging

E – Excessive Planning/Excessive Stockpiling

Now, there are some matters that rate a 9/10 or 10/10 in importance, but if you don’t have control over the situation or the person, then you need to let go for your own spiritual and mental health. As we talk about in the Surrendered Study, letting go isn’t giving up, nor is it giving in. Letting go is giving that situation, big or small, over to God and trusting that He can handle it and that you won’t try to control it.

TELL ME: Are there any control-loving behaviors that you’ve been struggling with lately? (You aren’t alone!) What situation do you need to give over to God today?

I’ve included a guided prayer exercise below for you, especially if you need to let go. As an added practical step, here’s how I’ve been coaching myself with Surrender Principle #1: “I am not in control of others or outcomes.” You can use this principle to coach yourself as well!