by Barb Roose | Jun 19, 2017 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was 6:00am on Sunday morning when my cell phone rang.
I’m not usually up that early on a Sunday, but I had to get to church early that day to prepare for that morning’s activities, so I awoke thirty minutes earlier than usual. I snatched up my phone to view the caller ID. It was one of my closest girlfriends. I answered, “Hello.”
Sobs. All I could hear were soft, steady sobs.
I took a deep break and simply said, “I’m here.”
We sat in silence for several moments. As one who has sobbed on the other end, there’s nothing more soothing than knowing that the other person is willing to sit and wait, unrushed until words are ready to come.
After a few moments, she began to talk. Out pours a story of late night events that overflowed into the early morning hours – her painful recollections broke and joined my heart to hers simultaneously.
In that moment she just needed me to be her friend and present in her pain. We prayed that morning and for many days after that. As sad as that event was, I was grateful that she had invited me to share that difficult space with her life.
When life falls apart, we need a special group of friends to hold us up when our lives are falling down around us.
Do you remember the story of Moses’ arms tiring while he held them up as the Israelite army battled their enemies? As long as Moses’ arms remained in the air the Israelites had the advantage. Yet, Moses’ arms began to sag to the ground the army faltered.
Thankfully, Aaron and Hur showed up to hold up Moses’ arms and the army was victorious.
What would have happened if Moses refused Aaron and Hur’s help?
“Oh, no guys. You don’t have to help. I’ll be fine in just a minute. You guys are so busy, you don’t have to stop and help me.”
“Thank you for offering to help! But, I’m sure that there is someone out there who needs help more than me.”
Sisters, there are times when we need to put out the 911 call for help. Stop pretending that your life is fine when it’s not. Is it time to dial the digits and say, “I’m drowning here”?
I know that we all hate making that phone call. I do, too. In fact, I’ve really had to work hard to overcome my pride and fear. I hate being needy. But, I’ve learned that if I can get through tough times easier if I reach out to my special group of friends BEFORE I start to fall down.
I call this special group of friends “go-to girls,” This is a group of two to four women that you can call when your life flips upside down and burns to the ground.
My go-to girls held my hand when I went through a bout of depression many years ago. My go-to girls were there when my husband and I hit a hard wall or I’ve had crisis moments with my kids. My tears have soaked my go-to girls’ shoulders and my texts have filled their screens. I know that their lives are busy but yet they make time for me. And I thank God for them each and every day.
Do you have some go-to girls in your life? Tell us about how your friends have stood by you by leaving a comment below.
If you are struggling with finding significant friendships with other women, check out the “Just like eyebrows, two are better than one” chapter in my Enough Already book – on sale now here on my website until June 20! I’d love to sign it for you 🙂
by Barb Roose | Jun 10, 2017 | Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
Me first thing in the morning…
When I wake up in the morning, one of the first things that I do is a 101-point body inspection.
First, I survey the landscape of my face, hair, and neck to see if any new lines, spots, wrinkles or unwanted hair has appeared in places where they should not be.
Then, I turn sideways in the mirror to check whether my midsection looks thicker or thinner than the day before. I zero in on my lower stomach area because if something went wrong overnight, it’s going to appear there first. Next, I’ll swing my hips around to see if my rear end has lowered anymore since the day before. I admit that there is no objective ay to know for sure, but I check anyway.
Next, I’ll swing my hips around to see if my rear end has lowered anymore since the day before. I admit that there is no objective ay to know for sure, but I check anyway.
The final phase of the inspection is the weigh-in. Although many women avoid the scale, I invite this misery by stepping on the scale at least two or three times a week.
There are rules to the weigh-in to make sure the weight is the lowest possible. I believe that my most successful weigh-ins happen first thing in the morning after I’ve used the restroom and, most important when I am naked as a jaybird.
Even though I know how much God loves me, I’ve fought an ugly struggle with the numbers on my bathroom scale.
Why do we judge ourselves by the number on the scale? As much as we know that we shouldn’t, we do, right?
Have you seen this photo before?
photo credit: cutsandcurves.tumblr.com
Here are five women of varying body sizes and heights, but they all weight the same weight. For those who are nosy, these women weigh 159 pounds.
What’s the point of this photo?
Scales give us a report, but they don’t give us a right to beat ourselves up.
Friends, I weigh 172 pounds. But my weight doesn’t have anything to do with my gifts, talents or passion. It does impact what size clothes I wear and whether or not I can fit into a kiddie ride at the amusement part. Luckily, both of those situations can be navigated.
So, how do we keep the scale from becoming the gauge of our self-worth?
Friends, keeping track of our weight is important for a variety of physical reasons, but here’s a great tip to keep your scale from imploding your mental or emotional outlook. Did you know that you could write on your scale? I found this picture on Pinterest and you can do it, too.
My personal strategy …
I got tired of struggling with the scale, so I found a way to sever the scale from my self-esteem.
I’ve decided to tie my weight to my water consumption. I shoot for drinking about ½ of my weight in ounces each day. If the numbers on the scale increase, it’s often because I’ve been eating bad calories instead of drinking more water.
This may not make sense to you, but this shift in focus has worked for me.
Now, when I look at the scale, the number is no longer tied to my self-worth because I’ve tied it to a healthy behavior that I can control.
What do you think of my strategy? Leave a comment below.Do you have a strategy for how you keep the scale from determining your self-worth?
Do you have a strategy for how you keep the scale from determining your self-worth? Share your tips with us and let’s encourage each other!
*Excerpts taken from my Enough Already book. It’s on sale and if you order, I’d love to sign it for you. Click here to order.
by Barb Roose | Jun 4, 2017 | Women's Topics
A challenge that just might change how you feel this summer when you’re wearing a swimsuit…
by Barb Roose
A few weeks ago, I went shopping to replace my swim top. I have a great swim skirt, but I’ve had bad luck with swim tops. I scoured the rack for possible hopefuls and with trotted off the dressing room where I spent the next 15 minutes bending and twisting my body in and out of those high-Lycra tops. Getting that material to stretch around my real-woman body is no joke! No doubt the woman in the adjacent room heard my fervent prayer. “God, PLEASE let me get this top off without passing out.”
I leaned, bounced and sweat so much in that dressing room that I counted it as a workout.
Even with everything that I know about how God sees me as His beautiful daughter, swimsuits tend to test me. After a winter of camoflauge clothing, swimsuits expose not just our skin, but how we feel about the skin that we’re in.
When it comes to swimsuits or any other shopping experience, we often engage in one or both of the following:
1. We COMPARE our bodies to other women’s bodies whether our friends, social media images or magazines.
2. 2. We CRITICIZE inner selves for failing to get our act together, whether we beat ourselves up for not eating healthier, not exercising or shame-related issues from our past.
In my Enough Already book, there is a controversial chapter called “The Vagina Dialogue.” I didn’t use any vulgar language or inappropriate content, but I dared to use a word that describes a body part that to the Almighty God created in each and every woman. Vagina. Some of you are quite uncomfortable right now…
Soon after Enough Already released, a Christian woman blasted me for using the word citing that proper Christian women shouldn’t use such language. I respectfully disagree. When we’re afraid to talk about our bodies in a God-honoring way – including the private parts, we’re likely to feel ashamed of our bodies. That shame is so easy to pass down to the daughters and granddaughters in our lives.
In the “Vagina Dialogue” chapter, I reflect on how one of the scripture authors – someone inspired to write by God – described the female body:
You are beautiful, my darling,
beautiful beyond words.
Your eyes are like doves
behind your veil.
Your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.
Your lips are like scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is inviting.
Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates
behind your veil.
Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David,
jeweled with the shields of a thousand heroes.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.
Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates
with rare spices—
(Song of Solomon 4:1,3-5,13)
What you just read is actually in the Bible. Think about how that man complimented his love. He wasn’t just saying things to sweet-talk her into bed. Instead, the metaphors that he used to describe her feminine body were thoughtful descriptions of the most magnificent and treasured jewels, perfumes, and creatures on earth.
Why can’t we appreciate our bodies like that? How can we testify God’s goodness to others if we can’t proclaim God’s goodness in ourselves? Friends, women are using their bodies like weapons and whipping posts because they don’t know God’s beautiful truth. If we want to shine the light of Christ, we’ve got to make sure that light is seen in us, both inside and out!
Are you ready for a challenge?
Do you want to stop condemning your God-given body and start celebrating yourself, even in a swimsuit?
Today, I’m giving you the same challenge that I gave women in the book: Using the passage that we read as an example, create your own positive descriptive phrases to characterize the following parts of your body:
My lips are like_________________________________
My neck is ____________________________________
My breasts are like _____________________________
My thighs shelter _______________________________
At first, this exercise was really hard for me. I wasn’t used to using positive words to describe myself. Here’s what I finally came up with:
My lips are like fluffy soft pillows that beckon a dreamy night’s sleep.
My thighs are like the strong trees standing tall in my front yard.
While these descriptions might be a little silly, it’s a lot better than standing in front of the mirror crying or eating a quart of ice cream in shame. Instead of cursing our bodies, let’s celebrate them as God’s creation.
Will you please do this exercise? It’s okay if it takes a few days to complete but stick with it. Once you come up with positive descriptions for the body parts listed above, post the descriptions and read them each day for seven days. Instead of repeating the lies that our culture has told us about beauty, learn how to talk to yourself as God sees you! BONUS: Share one of your descriptions in the comments below and I’ll choose a winner on June 12 to win a copy of my Enough Already book.
My sweet friend, how you look in that swimsuit isn’t the issue. The problem is what your mind is saying to your heart about you.
You are God’s beautiful daughter, inside and out. Never tell yourself anything other than that!
P.S. On next week’s Better Together podcast, I’m interviewing my friend, Dr. Susan Pohlod about our female bodies. Sue is a long-time friend of mine and a passionate women’s health advocate. also provided the interview for “The Vagina Dialogue” chapter in my Enough Already book.
by Barb Roose | Feb 13, 2017 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
By Barb Roose
When’s the last time that you considered what it meant for your body to be the temple of the Holy Spirit?
I began contemplating 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 this weekend after my third BIG bowl of luscious, buttery pecan ice cream. There wasn’t anything sinful about eating ice cream, but when I started choosing to eat ice cream over real food, it was time for a reality check. In fact, I got a shock when I flipped over the ice cream container to review the nutritional information. Holy Moly, Batman!
Every half-cup serving contained a whopping 15 grams of fat and 240 calories. No wonder it tasted so good!
But just because it tasted good, didn’t mean that it was good for me.
When we consider the Apostle Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, we’re reminded that our bodies are not our own. As believers, we’ve chosen to offer our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1-2) in light of what Jesus Christ has done for us on the cross. So, while my temple may be named ‘Barbara” on my driver’s license and social security card, God owns my body.
With that in mind, I must determine if what I eat, drink, watch or wear will honor God’s authority over my body or not.
I’m not talking about following strict rules to gain God’s favor. Instead, it’s about the kind of relationship that I want to have with God. I love how God give me Himself, as well as a life of freedom and purpose. Since I want God to do more in me and through me, I must stay attune to God’s leadings in how I steward the temple that He’s given to me.
Because when we’re careless about the body that God has created for us, we’re essentially trashing our temple.
Here are a few “temple topics” that come to mind when I think about how I honor God with the body that He’s given to me.
Temple Topic #1: Movies
I have a vivid imagination. Anything that I see sticks in my mind for a very, very long time. Years ago, I felt that any movie rated over PG-13 had too much mind clutter for me. So, I made the decision to not allow extreme content in my mind.
Now, am I telling you that any movie over PG-13 is wrong or sinful? Nope. I’m just telling you that my temple mind can’t handle PG-13 or above. You’ve got to decide how God calls you to steward your temple.
Temple Topic #2: Exercise
Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God has created us to do good works. But, I’m concerned that too many of our lady temples are too tired and out of shape to do the work that God has called us to do. Even if you’ve got health limitations, are you treating your temple in a way that allows you to have as much energy as needed to serve where God calls?
I don’t love to exercise, but I need to have a healthy body because as God’s ambassador, He’s got things for me to do. So, I want to stay stretched and strong to the best of my ability. So, I get up and move my temple on a regular basis to get it stretched and strong.
Temple Topic #3: Sleep
When my husband began working nights last summer, my sleep schedule fell apart. My cherished eight hours per night plummeted to less than six hours per night. It didn’t take long for me to feel sluggish and grumpy. My temple needed more shut-eye!
It took some trial and error, but I now back on track. My Fit Bit gives me an honest and accurate record of how much sleep I’m actually getting. I started wearing a sleep mask and ear plugs so that I wouldn’t awaken at 3 or 4am when my husband got home.
A well-rested temple is important. How’s your temple doing in this area?
And finally…food.
I know that I’m getting up into some of your business right here. But, as God’s beautiful daughter, is it time for you to put a microscope over what you’ve been eating lately? Are you eating in a way that honors God’s authority over your body? Again, this isn’t trying to please God by following a bunch of rules. Jesus already freed us from that! Rather, ask yourself if you’ve consulted God lately about your eating or drinking habits. If so, are you walking in obedience to God’s leading in that area of your life?
If we truly believe that God has put more in us and that God wants more for us, then it’s up to us to pay attention to our temples and listen for how God wants us to use them.
QUESTION: Is taking care of yourself a struggle for you? What gets in the way of good self-care?
by Barb Roose | Feb 8, 2017 | Better Together Podcast, Women's Topics
Does it seem like the same women volunteer all of the time and you’d like to see some new faces get involved?
If you answered ‘yes’, then I hope that you keep reading!
My name is Barb Roose and I’m a Christian speaker and author. However, I served on staff at a local church for 14 years, most recently as the Executive Director of Ministry. As a former volunteer, ministry leader and church staff, I know all of the hard work, late nights, sweat, tears and prayers that go into planning women’s events. I know what it’s like to dream and plan – only to feel frustration when volunteers don’t show up. But, I’ve learned some key principles to recruiting and retaining high caliber volunteers along the way.
One of the people that I’ve learned from is Cindy Casey, a fellow ministry leader and long-time local church staffer. Over the past 15 years, Cindy has recruited hundreds of volunteers. She is truly one of the best volunteer recruiters I know!
Take 10 minutes and listen to my short Better Together podcast interview with Cindy. She’ll talk about how she recruits leaders, especially young leaders. Cindy will also talk about how she activates and appreciates her volunteers.
If you enjoyed this podcast, leave a comment below and share it with your women’s ministry team. My hope is to bring hope and help to you. What you do in your church and community matters so much and my prayer is that God can use me to support you along the way.
Feel free to email me at barb@barbroose.com with your volunteer recruiting questions or issues. If there’s an interest, I’ll do another podcast with the answers to your questions.
Blessings,
by Barb Roose | Jan 9, 2017 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
I knew something was up when I received a link to the same blog post from several women’s Bible study leaders from around the country. The writer sent out a plea to women’s ministry leaders asking them to stop telling women that they are beautiful if that beauty message wasn’t tied to the gospel. Her blog connected with women across the country. What caught my attention were the comments from her readers. There were a lot of opinions and negative feelings out there about how beauty was addressed at women’s conferences and how beauty is taught by women’s ministry leaders.
As a communicator who speaks and writes about Christ-centered identity and beauty, I’ve heard women’s ministry leaders question whether beauty is a worthy spiritual topic. Some even rate beauty as watery spiritual milk rather than stick-to-the-bones spiritual meat. There’s a confusion about how we should talk about beauty, so without a clear way forward, women’s ministry leaders may settle for the simple “You are beautiful” cheer with no foundation or refuse to address the topic of beauty for fear of criticism from other Christians.
In either case, I fear that those two positions could actually hinder the effectiveness of women’s ministry now and into the next generation.
As long as we’re silent or hostile about talking about beauty, Satan will own the beauty dialogue. He already does. We’re seeing the results of his deception everywhere. There’s nothing fluffy or cute about beauty. The topic of beauty has become a bloody battlefield. Young girls are being bullied to death over their looks or weight. The lure of online fame compels our daughters and granddaughters to mimic the lifestyles of those that our culture worships and adores.
So, what should we be teaching women, both Christian and non-Christian women, about beauty? I believe that there are two things we must teach:
First, beauty is a topic that is wholly biblical!
Let’s stop treating the topic of beauty like an ugly scriptural stepsister. Did you know that the words “beauty” and “beautiful” appear in the Bible over 100 times?* In fact, beauty is a quality associated with the character of God, meaning that He has no ugliness or distortion.
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. –Psalm 27:4 NIV
The Bible talks about beauty on many levels and its impact on our lives. At its worst, we see how beauty fueled Rachel and Leah’s baby daddy rivalry and caused Abraham to fear for his life. At its best, God used beauty to influence the selection of Esther as Queen as well as her gentle and quiet inner beauty to gain favor with the king to save the Jewish people.
For a topic that is written about in many ways in scripture, it feels like we’re more in touch with culture’s perspective on beauty than God’s perspective. We define beauty by what we see in advertisements, social media “likes” and celebrity chatter. As Christian women, we find all of those expressions of beauty distasteful. But we don’t really have a good scriptural foundation, so we declare beauty a bad word.
Last week I interviewed Christian fashion expert Shari Braendel on my Better Together podcast. Shari is a bold woman of faith and considered America’s leading voice in fashion, beauty and dignity for Christian women. Yet she has been criticized by Christians who don’t believe that outer beauty is a spiritual topic that Christian women should care about. Regardless, over the past 12 years, God has used Shari to speak hope, truth and freedom to thousands upon thousands of women.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m a Christian women’s speaker and author who stands on platforms around the country and boldly tells women that they are beautiful because God created them. It’s biblical and needs to be said. Why? Because most women have no idea how God sees them! Far too women see themselves dipped in ugliness, guilt and shame over sin-related life experiences—some at the hands of another.
Women’s ministry leaders, we can tell a woman that she’s beautiful AND tell her that she is in need of a Savior. We can tell her about who God created her to be and how Jesus came to die so that she could experience life to fullest without guilt or shame. We can and should give both of those messages and repeat them as often as possible. Just the same as we never stop saying Jesus loves you because we think people should get it by now, we can never assume that a woman always remembers that her beautiful identity is solidified in God.
Secondly, when the Bible talks about beauty, it’s addressing both inner AND outer beauty.
When it comes to beauty, what’s on the inside does matter most, but it’s not the only thing that matters.
We’ve gotten in a habit of elevating inner beauty because of a few verses (Proverbs 31: 30 and 1 Peter 3:3-5) and pretending that we don’t care about outer beauty or that it’s bad. But God cares about both.
Who created the sunsets, flowers and rainbows that we obsessively photograph and post to social media? God created them to show us what He thinks about physical beauty.
In Genesis 1, God creates our physical world and the first humans. How often do we see the phrase “God saw that it was good” in this chapter? When God created the sun, moon, stars, trees, flowers and animals, God looked at their physical structure. The Hebrew word for good is towb, which is translated beautiful.
And God saw that it was beautiful.
In a world where women are targeted with 400-600 media advertisements a day, we cannot forget that God is the Creator of beauty, both inner AND outer beauty.
And what about us? What about adult Christian women? How many of us are silently bearing the scars and shame of outer-beauty issues? Sister, I know that you love Jesus. But I also know that you’ve probably stood in front of the mirror at one time or another whispering that you are “fat” or “ugly.” If God were standing next to you, how would you explain that?
So, here’s an incredible opportunity for us to reach women with the hope and freedom of Christ IF we remember the big picture:
Talking about beauty is an open door to talk about redemption and restoration.
In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches a crowd on a hillside. He uses the beauty of flowers as a teaching tool to remind us of how God sees us and cares about our physical needs. Jesus also refocuses our perspective:
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. –Matthew 6:31-33
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt angst, guilt or shame over “What did I just eat or drink?” or “For the love, my pants are too small. What am I going to wear today?”
First, Jesus acknowledges the struggle. Then, He tells us what to do. For every struggle, Jesus shows us the solution: See God first.
There’s a lesson in that for women’s ministry leaders, small group leaders and all mature Christian women: Acknowledge your struggle. Share Jesus’ solution.
How can the women in our churches and communities come to Christ and confess their guilt and shame if we’re silent about ours?
Maybe this is why a certain segment of women aren’t registering for conferences or retreats. When a broken woman attends an event and all she can see are well-dressed, plastic-smiling women that look shiny and perfect, she’ll struggle to relate and leave still starving for connection.
If you plan women’s events, remember that women attend conferences because they want to find solutions for what’s missing, broken or changed in their lives.
Women don’t want perfect. Women want real. Real answers. Real stories. Real women who aren’t trying to market their Pin-Perfect lives.
If you want to draw women into your next women’s event, then think about what the women in your church and community are praying about. Where are they begging God to show up in their lives? Match up those prayers with God’s hope and truth. Now, those are the topics to plan around and invite speakers to address.
And to us speakers, we’ve got to show up and tell our “But for Jesus” stories. If we’re going to stand on the platform, it’s because we’ve got a story of how Jesus rescued us from the pit. We’ve got to talk about surrender and sanctification so that the women can see that we’re putting one foot in front of the other just like they are.
And we’ve got to talk about beauty.
When I talk about the topic of beauty, I begin with a photo of what I look like first thing in the morning. Why? Because I may show up to an event looking put together, but I don’t want the women in the audience to think that’s how I roll 24/7. They need to see the “before-and-after Barb.” I show them the physical before-and-after and talk about my spiritual before-and-after. I want every woman to know that what Jesus did for me, He can do the same for her.
I dream of the day when every Christian woman has the strength and conviction to also declare that she is beautiful—not just for her sake, but also so that she can be the city on a hill to reach the millions and millions of women out there lost in the land of guilt and shame.
Just to make sure that you know, I’m going to keep telling women that they are beautiful. I don’t need to know your name in order to look you in the eyes and tell you that you are beautiful. I can do it authentically and truthfully because God’s Word guarantees the truth of that statement with 100% certainty.
Thanks for stopping by and checking out this post. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your comments below.
*NIV version
