by Barb Roose | Dec 29, 2016 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Has holiday overeating left you feeling horrible? Here’s five positive ways to wrap up your holiday.
By Barb Roose
Anyone feeling guilty over the Mt. Everest-size mountain of food that they’ve consumed over the last couple of weeks?
Are you disappointed that your best intentions for self-control fell apart 88 cookies, 23 pieces of pie, a bazillion wings and 10 glasses of eggnog ago?
Maybe you’re wearing a Charlie Brown-sad face. Maybe not. A few days ago, I asked myself where I was at because frankly, I was feeling a little out of control. Which one describes where you’re at right now:
- Can’t. Stop. Eating.
- Doing okay.
- I’ve had fun, but I’m back on track.
- I can’t answer this question right now.
- Holidays don’t change my habits.
Honestly, I started out on track this holiday season. Yet, a single crockpot of rich, creamy, tangy buffalo chicken dip derailed all of my good intentions.
I attended a Christmas cookie exchange a week ago. When I entered the beautifully decorated home, I smelled the air and saw a crockpot on the counter. My heart fluttered with hope. My mind snapped to alert because I knew that a temptation that lurked within. Could I resist?
I grabbed a plate and made my plan. I scanned the counter. A giant bowl of Asian salad caught my eye. That’s it! Salad would be my salvation. Why do we women believe that salad will save us?
Let’s be honest: A salad is like wearing shorts during a snowstorm. Technically, you’re wearing something, but you really want to wear something that actually gets the job done. That salad wasn’t going to save me from buffalo chicken dip because I REALLY wanted buffalo chicken dip.
Still, I heaped my plate full of Asian kale salad hoping that my healthy food choice could change my heart’s desire.
Not a chance.
As I neared the crockpot of my downfall, my fork magically pushed back the hopeful avalanche of vegetables to create room for what I really wanted.
But wait. I paused to create a failsafe (kinda). I asked a woman that I’d just met that night to be the light of accountability for me: “Honey, I LOVE buffalo chicken dip. Can you make sure that I only have one serving?”
She agreed, but with a knowing smile on her face. We both knew that I wasn’t going to have just one serving, but I still gave myself an A for effort.
When I removed the lid, the rich, tangy smell hypnotized me with its heady scent. I scooped a not-too-big, yet not-too-small dollop of dip on my plate and quickly surrounded it with the wall of sturdy nacho chips.
Friends, I sat down, placed my napkin across my lap and proceeded to ravage that dip like a starving man who found water in the desert.
To be fair, that kale salad was amazing, too! But once I finished the salad, I immediately started thinking about how to justify getting another serving of Buffalo chicken dip. In fact, my life would no longer be complete unless I had another serving of that rich and creamy dip.
My name is Barb, and I am obsessed with buffalo chicken dip.
Filled with glee, I pranced back to that crockpot ‘o delicious wonder and loaded up again. However, the sweet ending fell flat. That second helping was too much and my tummy started to rumble. It sounded like, “You idiot! What have you done to me?” Remorse and guilt settled atop the once desired, now demonized substance. All I felt was the weight of rich and creamy regret.
What now?
For many of us, our relationship with food turns the most wonderful time of the year into the most horrible time of the year as we near the new year. The holiday food preparation and celebrations that brought us joy before Thanksgiving are occasions tinged with regret. How many of us feel anxious or regret over our lack of control. How many of us are tempted to shout, “I give up! I’m just gonna keep eating all.the.food because I’ve blown it already.”
I wrote this post, because I know how you feel. Just because I write to encourage women to see themselves as God sees them, doesn’t mean that I don’t have to fight off the feelings of overwhelmed and out of control.
There’s one thing that I want to say to you: Beating yourself up won’t change a thing.
Beating yourself up doesn’t burn calories.
Beating yourself up won’t change your behavior.
Beating yourself up will make you feel bad enough about yourself and drive you to consume much more.
5 positive ways to wrap up your holiday
We’ve got just a few days left in the holiday season, and I want to share with you five tips to help you move away from beating yourself up to blessing yourself with kindness. Treating ourselves with kindness is the only path away from shame and guilt.
- Stop your stinkin’ thinking!
When you hate yourself for your behavior, you undermine your ability to see what God wants to do in you. Here’s something else: Shaming yourself with self-hating talk won’t help you make lasting changes.
Here’s a tidbit from my Enough Already book: “Stop blaming yourself for what you’ve allowed to happen. Whether because of gaining weight, letting your appearance fall apart or allowing yourself to become bitter, shame isn’t going to dig you out of the hole.”
Sweet sisters, self-hatred obscures the revelation of God’s love in our lives. When we see ourselves as God sees us, we’ll treat ourselves like women who are loved and valued.
ACTION STEP: If you’ve gotten in the habit of talking badly to yourself, try saying this each time you look in the mirror for the next seven days: “I am God’s beautiful, unique daughter.”
2. Get real about the real you.
Comparison is killing us, sisters! We’re so busy criticizing ourselves for not being like someone else that we’ve forgotten how to celebrate who God created us to be. Stop comparing yourself to other women, their diets or exercise habits. Comparison is a killer of self-esteem, motivation and joy.
ACTION STEP: Make a list of 10 things about yourself. Celebrate what you do well and where you aren’t perfect. God loves the real you. It’s time for you to love yourself like He loves you.
- Pick ONE thing.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So, instead of tackling weight loss, new eating habits and a new workout all at once, just pick ONE thing to do for the next 30 days. You’ll feel better about yourself for doing one thing than the avalanche of failure when you blow it trying to do too many things.
If you need a few ideas for your one thing, consider choosing ONE from this list:
-Eating some fresh fruit and fresh/steamed vegetables each day
-Drinking 8 glasses of water per day.
-Eliminate one unhealthy food
-Taking 10,000 steps per day or working out
(By the way, this list is actually from my own personal experience. On days when I’m overwhelmed or feeling blah, I simply choose to focus on doing one thing that day. Today, my energy was low so I focused on 10,000 steps.)
- Phone a friend
Don’t your friends get mad at you when you beat yourself up? Yes! So, let them hold you accountable to stop stinkin’ thinking or hold you accountable for the one healthy behavior that you choose. Give her permission to text you so that you can let her know how you are doing.
ACTION STEP: Choose a friend to help you stay on track. It’s best to find a friend who also wants to be held accountable. Make a pact to text each other for 30 days and then re-evaluate if you want to continue.
- Make imperfect progress
This phrase “imperfect progress” is taken from best-selling author Lysa TerKeurst’s book, Unglued. This brilliant phrase captures how we can continue to move forward while recognizing that we may stumble or even fall on occasion.
No one’s perfect! Friends, it’s time that we stop using perfection as the standard for our dietary or weight loss lives. I’ll never eat perfectly. I’ll never workout perfectly. Neither will you.
But, we CAN make imperfect progress. We can hold yourself accountable to the goals that we set. We can follow the conviction that God has given us about our health and lifestyle. That doesn’t mean that we’ll be perfect, but it does mean that we’ll be committed to “imperfect progress” and always moving forward.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE: Do you struggle with holiday eating? Which one of these five tips encourages you the most today?
by Barb Roose | Oct 30, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
This is an open letter written to any woman who has eagerly followed popular Christian speakers and authors…
Ladies, please get those women off of your spiritual pedestals!
In the past 72 hours, the fallout from Jen Hatmaker’s positional shift on a few theological areas has created a spiritual Chernobyl nuclear meltdown in the evangelical community.
I think that this mass meltdown creates a great opportunity for a long overdue discussion. If you haven’t read Hatmaker’s article, you can click here.
It’s time to talk about the rockstar culture that WE – like you and me – have created. We have put women like Hatmaker, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and others on pedestals and worshiped at the feet of their blogs, Facebook posts, conferences, and events. We’ve waited in hour-long line for three-second selfies that we post and hope that every single one of our Christian girlfriends will see and envy. In full disclosure, I’m sitting in my office next to a large collage of photos of myself with a few of those women, so I’ve had my fan girl moments as well.
Here’s the ugly truth, friends: Our favorite speakers and authors did not ask to be put on our pedestals. We did that. They said “yes” to the using the gift God gave them and bless their hearts, they’ve done their jobs well. It’s us who began to exalt them for it.
Looking for some clues about whether or not you may have your favorite Christian women’s speaker or author on a pedestal?
- Do your thoughts sound more like your favorite Bible teacher or Jesus?
- How much instruction or advice flowing from your words comes from the Bible or from the latest book that you read by your favorite author?
- Do you choose your Bible studies based on who’s hot out there or the stubborn places where you need to surrender your heart to God?
Yes, these are hard questions, but we need to be honest about our complicity in this situation. Friends, point your finger at Hatmaker if you’d like, but pay heed to the other four fingers pointing back at you.
Somewhere along the line, our community decided that a certain category of women speakers and authors were more valuable than the Jesus-loving women who tirelessly serve in their children’s ministry for hospitality team every single weekend at church. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the Bible speak against that very thing?
People don’t belong on pedestals. Not even our favorite ones.
Friends, I so appreciate how Jen Hatmaker adds humor, richness and spark to our lives. Once, she liked one of my tweets and I think that I tweeted about that. But y’all, she is still a human, just like us. I never placed Hatmaker on any type of pedestal, so her theological shift doesn’t have a direct impact on my life. Am I curious about the details surrounding her spiritual journey? Not anymore than anyone else. Why? Because her spiritual beliefs aren’t a pillar supporting mine.
The nasty little problem with putting someone on a pedestal is that they never stay put. Hatmaker has wiggled off a number of your pedestals much to your dismay. You loved her because you felt that she was just like you and now she’s not. So, you’re throwing social media tantrums filled with unkind words and ugly comments.
Why is it is so easy for us to assassinate those that we once adored? Are those character-killing bullets about us or them?
For those standing up in righteous anger, I know that you are trying to stand for Jesus against a woman that you no longer feel is part of the team. But, is this the battle that Jesus has called you to fight or does this battle belong to the Lord? Every single one of our favorite speakers and authors is accountable to God for her faith and works. Voice your concerns and ask your questions, but give them the same love and respect that shows us as disciples of Christ. In Contrary to popular belief, these women are not ultimately accountable to us, even if we bought their books, subscribed to their blog or attended their events.
Even though she isn’t accountable to us, Hatmaker knew that the fur would fly. You see, when a person reveals his or her calling to teach or preach the gospel, a wise old pastor flips open the Bible and reads this verse from James 3:1: “Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly.”
If you choose to become a Christian teacher, author, preacher or speaker, you live with a target on your back. And beware because Christians love to shoot their own.
As a Bible teacher, I am aware of the responsibility that comes with the influence that God has given to me. Anyone who aspires to teach God’s word must be uber-conscious of what comes out of our mouths because we are accountable to God, but also because our words and actions can bring harsh reactions from others.
If you are unhappy with Hatmaker’s position…
The good news is that you get to adjust her influence in your life. Screaming, yelling, judging or snarking just proves once again that Christians know how to shoot down their own. You’ve still got the choice if you want to buy her books, subscribe to her blog or attend her events. You cannot, however, make her change her mind or apologize to you for shifting her position. Have we not learned this year from the current election cycle? Com’on people!
What’s the takeaway for you? Here’s what I’d like to offer:
First, live it out in over speaking it out. Hatmaker’s current theological position isn’t your responsibility and speaking out on social media isn’t the litmus test for standing for or against something. Anyone who really truly wants to stand for righteousness needs to do more than just post or comment about it. After you’re done making your public statements, then get back to the business of what God has called you to do and how He has called you to live. Stay in your life’s lane.
Second, be wise. Flip open James 3 again and pray for the wisdom that comes from God to decide on the level of influence you choose to give Hatmaker or any author. You are in charge of who you allow to influence or encourage your life, so pray and ask God, – not your girlfriends – to help you make a decision.
Third, keep doing Bible studies. It’s crucial to talk with each other over matters of faith, personal and social issues, just make sure to invite God’s truth into the dialogue. My preference is that the more controversial the issue, the closer in proximity you should be during the discussion. You should be doing Bible studies on sanctity of life, God and government, Christ-centered identity, sexuality and other hot button issues. Goodness, we have so many great studies available to us! I love that we can circle up together and open God’s Word along with gifted teachers who encourage us along the way. Just be careful to choose the studies that bring God’s focus to your fuzziness and not just pick someone whose popular.
Finally, as a speaker and author, I can tell you firsthand what a privilege it is to write and share what God has given to me. I can also tell you that I have to work out my faith just like you every single day. Just ask my hubby and my kids. So, I never, ever want a woman to believe that I’ve got my life more together than her just because I have a few books on a bookstore shelf or because I stand on a stage to speak. I’m a flawed, but deeply loved human who needs to surrender to a holy God every day of my life. If you want to show your appreciation, let your authors/speakers know how God has transformed your life through their work.
Friends, I hope that we can redeem this mess and let it be an important and lasting warning to get the stars out of our eyes so we can keep our adoration on God alone.
*NEW* YOU CAN COMMENT HERE AND YOUR RESPONSE WILL SYNC WITH FACEBOOK, SO TELL US WHAT YOU THINK: In what ways have we’ve created a rockstar culture in the Christian community? How do we appreciate our well-known Bible teachers and authors without putting them on pedestals?
by Barb Roose | Oct 28, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I don’t know about you, but sometimes it can be tough for me to distinguish between my need for food and my desire to eat.
Without being critical of my body size, I’m fairly certain that quite a bit of what I consume isn’t related to my biological need for food.
A couple of years ago, my friend Jera made a pecan pie for me. I love pecan pie! I took that pie into my house and set it on the counter. While I wasn’t physically hungry, that pie started to look really good to me. In fact, I could hear that pie talking to me. Seriously, it was! It said, “Barb I’m over here. It’s so lonely over here. I think I’d like to be in your tummy more than I’d like to be sitting on this counter.”
Have you ever had food speak to you like that?
I tried not to listen to that pie, but it kept talking! The only way for me to quiet the pie was for me to eat it.
So I did.
I ate the ENTIRE pie in one afternoon.
Are you horrified? Trust me, I was – especially since I wasn’t event hungry. So what happened? My appetite, that’s what happened!
God created our bodies to need food. However, God gave us appetites as well. In addition to an appetite for food, we are born with an appetite for love, acceptance, satisfaction, achievement, and connection. Think about those things you long for every day, such as someone to love, acceptance by others, or a deep sense of connection. Each of those things represents a craving or an appetite.
Here’s the most important part: How you manage your desire for love, acceptance, security or connection determines whether you are controlling your appetite or your appetite is controlling you.
As women, this concept is critical because we always have unfulfilled appetites; and when our craving for love, acceptance or connection goes unfulfilled, we often turn to food in order to temporarily satisfy that unmet need. Does the term, “comfort food,” sound familiar?
How often do we toss into that void a half dozen cookies or a carton of ice cream? One of my favorite quotes is from character Lavon Hayes from the tv show, Hart of Dixie. After his girlfriend breaks up with him, Lavon shows up on his friend’s doorstep with a big of donuts and says, “Help me eat my feelings.”
In the Old Testament, Esau was a man with the ability to hunt his own food, but he struggled with an unidentified hunger. Maybe he wanted approval from his father or he was jealous of his brother – we don’t know. Something deep inside of him was hollow and empty enough to feel like hunger. Esau’s sneaky twin, Jacob took advantage his hunger and Esau ended up trading away his future.
How often do you eat when you feel lonely, angry, tired or sad? What are the foods that you pick up and have difficulty putting down when you are hurting?
If you get the chance, check out Matthew 4:1-11. It’s the story of Jesus’ temptation in the dessert, I mean desert. Why did God lead Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the devil anyways? It was because God wanted us to see how the power of God living within can overcome our human desires that can get out of control.
How do we deal with our hunger for love, acceptance, security, satisfaction or connection? In my Beautiful Already Bible Study, we talk about the tools that we can use to surrender our hunger to Christ and allow Him to fill us. Why? Because only Jesus satisfies!
If you struggle with emotional eating and want God to work in this area of your life, I’ve developed a HALT Food Diary. HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. These are often to triggers for binge eating. Click here to access a copy. Print it and tuck it into your purse. Keep track of what you eat for the next few days and make circle the emotions that you were feeling while eating. Once a day, talk with God about your eating habits and your unmet deep needs.
Give your unmet desires to God instead of giving in out of frustration to food. Let God fill you up!
SHARE A COMMENT WITH US: What’s your go-to comfort food? Are you more likely to eat it when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or all of the above?
by Barb Roose | Oct 3, 2016 | Women's Topics
Sometimes, it good to have a little good old fashion fun! Here’s a quick one-question quiz to find out if your coffee style matches your fashion style. Leave a comment to let us know if your quiz results were as a right as a pumpkin spice latte on a cold day or if your results fell flatter whip cream after two minutes in your cinnamon dolce latte.
[qzzr quiz=”274225″ width=”100%” height=”auto” redirect=”true” offset=”0″]
by Barb Roose | Sep 12, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
How often do you look in the mirror and struggle with what you see?
Remember when we used to love hanging out with each other? Hmm, how old were we back then – two or three years old? How cute were we! Ahh, in those early years we couldn’t get enough of each other. We snuggle up close and do kissy-lips with at each other. We’d play endless games of hide-n-seek. By the way, you’re horrible at that game! Whenever it was my turn to count, I’d peek while counting and you never moved. What’s up with that?
Remember when I was ten years old? That’s when stupid Marcus told me that I was ugly and I had a big nose? I barely made it home from school without melting down. I ran right to the bathroom looking for you. Tears were streaming down my face as Marcus’ awful words screamed in my head.
Don’t you remember how I put my face right up against yours? I searched your eyes hoping that you’d show me that Marcus was wrong. I wanted you to smile at me and make me feel that I was okay as I was. But, you didn’t.
For me, that was the day that we stopped being friends. Correction: That was the day that YOU stopped being my friend.
Yet, we still see each other every day.
Let me apologize for what I look like in the mornings. I’ll admit that it’s a bad scene for both of us. My hot-mess hair and puffy eyes – okay, that’s all on me. (What happens overnight anyways? I always feel like I’m in some overnight street fight and lose every single time…)
Throughout the day, we catch glimpses of each other. A quick look here. A snatch of a glance there. You see me and just that quick, you always look away. No smiles. No kindness. No comfort. Whatever.
You’ve seen me I strap on my courage and strip down in the department store dressing room. Why weren’t you kinder when I tried on that pink skirt and got stuck in it? That size SHOULD HAVE FIT. I was so crushed when it didn’t. Again tears. Again I look at you. Again, all you gave me was a cold stare.
Sometimes I hate you.
Whenever I walk away from you, I want to turn back and scream, “Why aren’t you there for me? Why aren’t you on my side?”
You’ve betrayed me by not loving me. You’ve seen me at my best and worst. Yet, you never show me the support that I need. We share the same heart, the same mind and the same body and yet, you make me feel so bad about myself. I can’t win with you!
You can’t make me 20 pounds thinner, but is it so hard to give me a freakin’ smile every now and then?
Is it so hard for you to give me a thumbs up when I stop in the restaurant bathroom while I’m out with my skinner, more stylish friends?
It’s been a long time, but today, I’m getting all up in your face. We’ve got settle whatever is between us. This stops now. Today. We’re going stop blaming our issues on school bullies, skinny supermodels, unrealistic expectations or the cookies that we can’t stop eating.
This is between you and me.
Tell me, how do we patch things up between us?
I want to know that you are with me. When we look at each other, I want to look in your eyes and see that you’re on my side. I need you to stop giving me reason to criticize my face, hair, hips, breasts or arms and cheer for me instead. I want to look in your eyes and see that I am beautiful. I want to see that I am enough.
What will it take for you to do that?
Wait – are you saying something? Hold on…please whisper a little louder.
My friend, if you want me to love you, start with loving yourself. I’m just reflecting what’s going on inside of you.
The key to being friends with me is the show me what you want to see.
Do you want to see me smile? Then, you smile first.
Do you want to see me cheer for you? Then, you cheer first.
My beautiful friend, I’ll gladly follow your path, but you’ve got to learn how to lead the way.
TALK BACK TIME! What part of your body do you struggle with the most? Leave a comment below and share this post with your friends!
P.S. If you’re tired of hating the woman in the mirror, check out my Beautiful Already Bible study. Give God space to transform how you see yourself – inside AND out!
Available at major Christian retailers across the country.
by Barb Roose | Aug 29, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Did you see the movie “War Room” with Priscilla Shirer?
It came out last year, and I highly recommend it! After watching the movie, I immediately felt compelled to create my own “war room” at home.
Bible study teacher, speaker and author Priscilla Shirer starring in “War Room.” If you haven’t seen the movie, rent it or stream it online today!
In the movie, Priscilla’s “war room” was a spacious walk-in with a lovely light and carpeting. That’s not my set-up, friends. My “war room” is 112-years old little cubbie with a fickle lightbulb. Since I share the space with my office supplies, I have to fold myself down onto a tiny little cube. I’m a tall girl. It’s a tight fit.
Written prayers and scripture verses decorate the cracking plaster walls. Keep scrolling down and you’ll see some of the cards on my wall. I like to write dates on those cards, so it feels like a spiritual journal when I walk in. I often read the walls and give thanks for how God uses words written weeks or months before to uplift and encourage me. There’s even a blanket in the space for the times when the tears are flowing fast. I use that blanket and pretend that God is wrapping His arms around me.
While lacking ambiance and Joanna Gaines’ touch, my prayer closet is a sacred space is where God shapes me and molds me in spite of myself.
In this space, I pray and I listen for God’s leading in my heart. I pour my praise and cry out my pain before the God who hears and cares for me. (My poor dog sits outside of the door and I’m sure that she must think that I’m crazy!)
Why am I telling you about my prayer closet? Because I think that you should consider making one for yourself. You need a space to shut out the world in order to give yourself completely and God’s attention.
Sweet sisters, we’re all fighting a hard battle. I don’t have to list out what we’re fighting because our personal battles are hand-to-hand combat day after day. Our hearts, minds and bodies are marred with the battle scars of our sinful world.
When we go into our war rooms, we’re reminded of the most powerful truth: The battle is the Lords!
In that war room meeting space, God reminds us that there’s nothing that we’ll fight that He hasn’t already won for us!
How does the power of prayer impact your life? If you’ve got a War Room and want to share a War Room prayer story with us, share it in the comments below! Thanks for stopping by!
I wrote this post, because I know how you feel. Just because I write to encourage women to see themselves as God sees them, doesn’t mean that I don’t have to fight off the feelings of overwhelmed and out of control.
