by Barb Roose | Aug 2, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Three tips to calm down, step back and not freak out when people act all funky around you.
by Barb Roose
photo credit: reachingutopia.com
Yesterday, my husband and I were eating breakfast. Actually, he was eating breakfast while I stared at his plate. I slowly sipped a half a cup of orange juice because I planned to do my yoga workout later that morning. If you’ve done yoga, you know that eating before a workout is an express ticket pass to nausea and in my case, vomiting.
Without any food to keep my mouth busy, I decided to strike up a conversation. Attempt #1:
ME: “How do you feel about the upcoming election?”
HUBBY: “I’m taking a break from the coverage.”
ME: “Oh.” Strike One.
I sipped my juice and looked down again at the newspaper searching for a new topic of conversation. There wasn’t much to work with. Conversation attempt #2: “Hey babe, the National Amateur Baseball Federation is going to be in town.”
And you thought that my life was more interesting that yours…
My husband quirked an eyebrow and I took that as a cue that he wanted to hear more. So, I read the entire list of the conventions that would be in our area. Still, no response. So, I made one last attempt “Did you see the new patents issued in the business section today?”
I kid you not. I actually said that.
Matt kept eating and listened patiently as I read the list of new patents given out and I can never get those lame two minutes back ever again. Afterward, he thanked me for breakfast and hustled upstairs leaving me at the dining room table to sulk. Here I was available for thrilling conversation on a Monday morning and it seems that my husband had better things to do. Of all the nerve!
As I sat at the dining room table as the only guest to my Monday Morning Pity Party, I churned on how hurt I was over the morning’s lack of conversation. Clearly, I cared my deeply about our relationship more than my hubby. Armed with sufficient indignation, I worked up more woe-is-me sentiments:
If he really cared about me, he would have…
I can’t believe that he…
Why am I the only one who…
My husband bounded down the steps less than 10 minutes later. He grabbed his keys and kissed me on the cheek. Turns out, he’d been pre-occupied at breakfast with a list of important tasks. His goal that morning was to get out the door to take care of business before heading to work.
Interesting. He was pre-occupied with something that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me.
And yet, I’d spent the last 15 minutes of my life making our morning interaction ALL ABOUT ME…
THE FOUR LETTERS THAT I NEED TO TATTOO SOMEWHERE ON MY BODY
Have you ever heard of the phrase Q-TIP? It stands for Quit Taking It Personally. I heard this phrase about a month ago and when I manage to remember it, this phrase quickly changes my outlook on negative relational situations.
There are times in life when we feel that others are out to make our lives miserable by their actions or their attitudes. The closer we are to the individual, the more painful their behavior feels. Here are some examples of times when we’re tempted to take things personally:
- The co-worker who is always rude when you ask her to cover your shift.
- The Facebook friend who keeps posting stupid videos about the candidate that she knows that you can’t stand.
- The sister or sibling who constantly gossips about you or your kids.
- The neighbor who borrowed $200 last summer and hasn’t paid you back yet.
- The family member who lies or steals from you because of an addiction.
- When your best friend is always, always late. Like always. All of the time. She couldn’t be on time even if time stood still.
REPEAT AFTER ME: THEIR RUDE, CARELESS OR BAD BEHAVIOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
I love this quote:
In these situations, our first thought that they are intentionally trying to hurt our feelings or ruin our day with their funky behavior. Therefore, we conclude that their funky-funkiness is 100% absolute, undeniable proof that they do not care about us like we care about them.
So, what happens next? We get funky right back! Unfriend. Unfollow. Block. Ignore. Blame. Retaliate. They hurt our feelings and so we’re going to hurt their back, right?
Here’s the reality: When someone acts like a jerk or unintentionally hurts you, he or she is acting based on their own stress, selfishness, anger or pain. It has nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with you.
How does Q-TIP help us? Here are three ways that remembering this phrase can change or your day – or even your life:
- “Q-TIP” reminds me not to jump to conclusions.
There is always a backstory to whatever people are saying or doing in front of us. As the popular saying goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Friends, we’re all slugging through life and we’re all doing the best that we can.
So, can we give people “grace and space.” If someone acts funky toward you, step back, stay calm and be silent. Hustle out of there if he or she has a track record of getting physically angry!
Wait for him or her to calm down and then, consider whether or not you need to speak up and address the situation.
Speak up because you respect yourself, not because you expect them to change or apologize.
2. “Q-TIP” reminds me that I don’t have to “feel their feelings.”
Oh, my sweet sisters! How many of us have messed up ourselves by getting too wrapped up in the lives of others? There’s a difference between holding someone’s hand for support versus being their emotional crutch. Honey, don’t let someone wear you out with her drama!
3. “Q-TIP” frees me to care about people, without having to control them.
We always get in trouble when we try to “fix” someone’s feelings. If we end up in a situation with someone who’s in a bad mood, let them be Mr. or Mrs. Grumpypants. Don’t try to talk them out of it. Why? Because they aren’t thinking about you in that moment, but they will turn on you because they’re looking for an outlet for their frustration. Don’t let it be you!
Thanks for checking out today’s post. I’d love for you to share a comment and tell me which one of these three Q-TIPS might be the most helpful for you? By the way, if you think that your friends might enjoy this post, use the share buttons at the top or bottom to pass it along!
by Barb Roose | Jun 13, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
This post is for my Jesus-loving Christian friends out there.
As we mourn the horrific national tragedy in Orlando, I’m holding my breath.
Why?
#BecauseChristians
Y’all know what I mean. And y’all know who I mean.
It’s already painful enough to look at the faces of the victims and watch the anguished grief across their family members’ faces.
It’s already hard enough to watch politicians turn this tragedy into an election-season ping-pong match.
It’s already scary enough listening to pundits discuss whether or not we need to re-evaluate an our constitutional right to privacy.
Now, I’m holding my breath as Christians take to social media. And I’m praying, too. I’m praying that God will allow the Facebook accounts of stupid, hateful Christians to get hacked and shutdown. Yes, I mean that.
I hate that certain groups of Christians will show up in the public arena saying that they are there in Jesus’ name. Then, they will proceed to spew hate and try to pass it off as Jesus’ truth.
(I know that somebody out there right now wants to see my “salvation card.” Don’t worry. I’ve got it, honey.)
I get you, Holier-Than-Thou, Christian. I know how much you want to speak the “truth in love.”
I’m totally down with speaking the truth in love. But why do we treat truth like a giant sledgehammer and then dispense love like the size of a tiny bandaid?
Here’s what someone from the LGBT community wrote on social media:
“People got hurt. This isn’t the time to condemn them for sin YOU think they’re doing.”
News Flash: LGBT people already know our script. And they aren’t deaf, so they’ve heard us out there beating them with truth in love:
We’ve yelled it at them.
We’ve screamed it at them.
We’ve used it to kick them out of our families.
We’ve written it on our signs and picketed them.
Is it no wonder that this community is eager to shut the door in our faces? We’ve given them no reason to keep it open.
As I was praying this morning for the people who died and their families, God prompted me to stop praying and go read 1 Corinthians 13. Since it came to me out of the blue during prayer, I stopped opened my YouVersion app. I saw Paul’s words through the context of the Orlando tragedy.
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.
3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
As believers, God has endowed us with the revelation of who He is through His Spirit. Not only that, but we’ve been given super-naturally charged spiritual gifts to do great things in Jesus’ name. And we’ve been given the Great Commission to bring the eternity-changing message of Christ to all people.
Yet, Paul points out there just ONE ingredient in our super-natural secret sauce that determines whether or not we will be effective or ineffective.
LOVE.
Notice how often he repeats the qualifier “…but didn’t love others.” That phrase identifies the great eraser of all of the things that we set out to do in Jesus’ name.
Now, let’s not get coy with the word “love.” Don’t get twisted. God defines “love” for us in the next few verses:
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
This is the definition of love. This is hard love, y’all. This is the kind of love that I fail at often with my husband and kids. This is the kind of love that I struggle to show the people that I already know and like.
You know what else occurred to me while reading these verses: These verses also capture HOW we must bring “Tell the Truth in Love. “
Our famous “truth in love” phrase comes from Ephesians 4:15:
“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies that sound so cleaver they sound like the truth. Instead we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
Paul was talking to believers who needed to be wary of false prophets with in the church. “Truth in Love” is a fruit of our discipleship that shows our growing maturity in Christ.
Okay, let’s start putting this together:
First – oh, this is fun: The Greek word “truth” in Ephesians 4:15 and the word “truth” Jesus uses to describe himself in John 14:6 are from the same root word “alethes.”
Now, let’s think about this:
Who is the Truth? Jesus ((John 14:6)
Why did Jesus come? Because God so LOVED the world (John 3:16).
Jesus IS Truth IN Love.
Our opinions are not ‘truth in love.’
Our passionate pleas are not ‘truth in love.’
Our best intentions are most definitely not ‘truth in love.’
Jesus IS TRUTH IN LOVE.
And if we realize that Jesus IS Truth In Love, then we don’t have to worry about love watering down the truth. Love opens the door so that truth can come into dark and desperate places where both are needed.
Jesus came to sacrifice himself for us. He gave up his eternal home in heaven while we were still dirty, perverted, stinky, sin-ridden people (Romans 5:8).
And it was his love for us and obedience to God that took him to the cross. And by Jesus’ sacrifice we are healed and made whole (Isaiah 53:5)
So, out of love, God met our greatest spiritual need: eternal salvation. But, have we gotten so used to being clean and whole that we’ve forgotten who we once were in God’s eyes?
Yes. The answer is YES, doggone it!
We’ve forgotten that we are being saved everyday through sanctification – a fancy word for God’s continual work in us (Galatians 2:20, 2 Peter 3:18). Let’s not forget that God knows the crap that we’ve still got floating in our hearts, minds and lives, friends. Yet, as we grow in maturity, our ability to speak the Truth In Love, to show Jesus in our hearts, minds and lives grows every day, too.
And that becomes evident in our speech, our interactions and our ability to connect with people of all races, ages, cultures and yes, sexual identities.
But, Barb “they” don’t listen to us.
So, that’s where verse 7 comes in: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Unfortunately, the LGBTQ community isn’t going to be open to us for a long time. Why?
Because they don’t trust us. They don’t like us. They are afraid of us. Many hate us. And we’ve earned every single bit of it. So, we will keep bringing the Truth In Love for as long as it takes. We’ve caused a lot of pain and we’ve broken a lot of trust.
Remember, once upon a time, we treated God the same way. He didn’t give up on us. I don’t know about you, but I’m so thankful that God didn’t abandon me when I refused Him.
His condemnation didn’t bring me to the cross. It was His love that drew me to the cross. (Romans 2:4)
Friend, I know that you are uncomfortable. The “what-if’s” are closing in:
What if other Christians judge me for having someone from the LGBTQ community over to dinner? Will my friends wonder if I’m still a committed Christian?
If I’m hanging out with someone who believes differently from me, am I slack on my faith if I don’t do a full gospel presentation and altar call before dessert?
How can I know if my friends are truly committed to Christ if I see them hanging out with Muslim people or LGBTQ people?
So here are three words to remember: Live like Jesus.
Check this out:
Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) -Mark 2:15
So, all of the things that we’re worried about, Jesus did them. And he wasn’t worried about what other people thought. Also, notice how MANY people that we avoid were attracted to Jesus. Hmmm…
Jesus came to our sorry, pitiful, fallen world and he became Truth In Love for us.
For me.
For you.
For the people that we’re afraid of.
For the people that make us uncomfortable.
For the people who live differently that us.
Jesus didn’t shy away from people who needed love, not condemnation. He never shied away rom the truth.
But he always won people with love.
Thanks for reading,
by Barb Roose | May 15, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Before I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I knew that I was struggling.
Even as my eyes remained closed, I felt the shadow of the dark cloud hovering over me. I struggled against some leaded, emotional weight pushing deep into my heart causing an ache that I couldn’t figure out.
I’m no Debbie Downer. Unless someone throws a spider at me or swipes the last cookie, I’m generally in a good mood. But, not always. Like you, there are times in life when I feel down.
Last Monday was one of those down days.
I felt as if my joy had been snatched away. My energy was MIA, too. Overnight, my mojo became a no-go.
Am I depressed?
Seven years ago, I endured a year-long struggle with depression and anger. At first, I went to counseling. Then, my wise family doctor suggested medicine. Yes, Lord! The combination of counseling and an antidepressant restored my mental wellness and clarity. I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without mental health and medical intervention.
So, last week I wondered if I was experiencing some early depression. I wasn’t bothered by the thought, especially since I knew where to find help. (By the way, here’s a tremendous article on anxiety and depression.)
As I pondered that question, I forced myself out of bed to start my morning routine. I still hoped that the solution to my sadness was simply explained.
I ate breakfast. Didn’t help.
I worked out. And I cried during my workout. Not good.
I engaged in my daily bible reading. Always helpful. But…
My sadness clung to me like a two-year toddler who doesn’t want to go to daycare.
Next, I went for a prayer walk. I ended up at the art museum in my neighborhood. There’s a beautiful sculpture garden in front of the museum that features large works of art with aromatic flower gardens all around.
As I stood in the sculpture garden, I begged God to lift my sadness.
God, if you can’t lift my sadness, PLEASE let me feel Your presence.
I spent about an hour walking among the flowers and laying atop a giant tire swing looking at the blue sky. Yet, streaming tears still flowed down my face.
The heaviness refused to go away. But, God was there with me.
Have you ever felt your joy just disappear?
Often, we can point to certain life circumstances that shift us from happy into sadness. Financial issues. Relationship conflict. Job drama. Rebellious kids. Lack of sleep. Medical issues. Any one or two of those rain down on our lives and we’re not surprised when we feel a little down.
Our usual strategy for dealing with our sadness includes the “four big binges”:
Binge eating
Binge watching
Binge drinking
Binge sleeping
When we’re feeling bad, it’s easy to overdo things that are bad for us. No judgement here. I’ve done it, too. But, there’s a truth that we cannot ignore: Over-doing anything on the binge list will undermine your mental and physical health.
“It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not safe to stay there.”
This is something that we say at our church often. Why? Because no one is perfect and we all struggle. However, struggle isn’t an excuse to sit and do nothing.
Taking care of yourself is an action and it doesn’t happen by accident. Your life matters and no one else can take care of you, but you!
Repeat after me: When I’m feeling my worst, I must care for myself the BEST!
For me, that means that I must be extra kind to myself. So, I followed this “Take Care of Me” plan on that difficult Monday:
I didn’t punish myself for having a bad day. No negative self-talk!
I ate healthy foods and stayed away from unhealthy foods that I would regret later.
I soaked in the bathtub and used all of my favorite bath salts and scrubs.
I listened to music and read books that were good for my heart, mind and soul.
Conclusion…
While my sad mood persisted, I felt good about taking care of myself. The next morning I reached out to a few close friends for support. I knew that if my sadness continued for a week that I’d get some medical help. NOTE: If you’ve been sad and feeling at a loss for more than two weeks, you NEED to call your healthcare provider.
For the next couple of days, I kept taking care of myself. Eventually, the dark cloud lifted and I know that intentional, active self-care made a HUGE difference.
TELL ME! How do you take care of yourself when you’re feeling down? Share your comments and help another woman out there! Share this post with your friends, too!
A FREE GIFT FOR YOU!
I’ve created a webpage with a list of 101 Ways for You to Care For Yourself. If you struggle with self-care, print this list and commit to doing at least five things on this list per day.
Thanks to the ladies on my Enough Already Launch Team for helping me brainstorm the list!
by Barb Roose | May 2, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Last week, someone posted a message to me on Facebook. I think that it was a misunderstanding, but when I read the message, I went “WHOA! What’s THIS?!” My eyes got real big and I re-read the message from a fellow believer. Someone who loved Jesus just like I do. However, the words I read felt like a slap across my face. And I got mad!
My first thought was: Oh-no-you-did-n’t!
Fast as lightening, I started typing back. My fingers flew over my keyboard as I clicked out a polite, yet sharp rebuttal. My heart felt like she did me wrong and I wanted to show her who was right!
The more I typed, the more I got more riled up. As I paused to read my brilliant response, I felt my spirit stir. I believe that it was the Holy Spirit that whispered, Stop. Delete.
Umm, I’ve got some good stuff here.
Delete.
I sighed and clicked delete. I sat and stewed in my hurt. Then, I tried to come up with another way around the Spirit’s leading. No dice. So, I bravely engaged in a little rumble with myself. If you’ve read Brene Brown’s Rising Strong, she talks about having the courage to “rumble” with difficult emotions. My rumble revealed that my pride was hurt. Simple as that. I was offended and I wanted to strike back.
The old saying remains the same: Two wrongs don’t make a right. If I would have sent that note, I wouldn’t have sent it the note in love. I would have sent it to prove that I was right.
(And if I proved that I was right, maybe my feelings wouldn’t be so hurt.)
Striking back just strikes another match by the gas can. How many relationships have we blown up over hurt feelings or hurt pride?
So, I had to sit there in my discomfort and let the bad feelings pass. Man, that was hard. Later, I sent a different response, thanking the individual for the comment and suggestion. It was hard, but God is ALWAYS teaching me humility!
The greatest commodity that we have is LOVE. It’s the currency that God requires us to share with the world. The coins of God’s love are kindness, respect and generosity. That’s why the following scripture is so powerful:
If someone says, "I love God" but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don't love the people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?' -1 John 4:20
The Greek word “hate” in this verse is miseo, which means to detest or love less. Yikes! Love is the one way that we can show the world that we are different. These days, Christians are working so hard to show the world that they are right, but we struggle to love toward each other.
Friends, if we mess this up, we might as cancel weekend services, shut up and go home.
While there’s a lot of things happening in our culture that swing far from God’s intentions, why do we think the world will be attracted to the gospel if we can’t be kind to each other? I know that the recent Target news is shocking, but ask yourself whether or not your posts and comments build a bridge for the gospel or put up barriers? When believers are fighting with each other, unbelievers see it and shake their heads. How can our world believe that God’s love can transform them if they can’t see the evidence in us?
Practically speaking, how do we do this? Here’s a verse that I’ve been meditating on a lot lately:
"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." -James 1:9
Question: Who’s usually quick to speak and slow to listen? (You should know that my hand is in the air…)
I’m not always a great listener and I can be Usain Bolt-fast with a reply. Yet, to love people means that I need to HEAR their words and hear their heart. How about you? How does this verse challenge you today?
So a quick temperature check for all of us:
Is there another believer that you need to forgive?
Is there another believer that you need to call and apologize to for something you’ve said?
Is there another believer that you need to reach out and help because he or she needs it?
How can you love others better today?
by Barb Roose | Apr 14, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Earlier this week I received the newest issue of Weight Watcher’s Magazine. I receive the subscription because a lady showed up at my door last summer. She had eight kids and selling magazines was her first legit job after a lifetime trapped in drugs and prostitution. While I’m normally a skeptic when I hear such stories, there was something about this woman that made me want to cheer for her. So, I bought a subscription.
As I looked at the cover of this month’s issue, I saw a picture of Oprah, who was sharing her newest favorite workout. My eye wandered and saw “101 Ways to Appreciate Food and Fun.” Then, I saw this headline:
“11 Incredible Women BARE ALL: A Weight Watchers First!”
Normally naked women appeared in magazines that arrive in doorsteps in brown paper bags. But, Weight Watchers must have felt adding the word “incredible” somehow justified the word “naked” hanging out next to it.
This got me to wondering: If these women are incredible, then why do they need to be naked? Why are they more incredible without clothes?
Has Weight Watchers has joined “The Naked Bandwagon”?
Yes, there is a naked bandwagon and it’s been around for a long time. You just haven’t seen it in your neighborhood. It mainly circled Hollywood, music, and advertising. Unlike the X-rated adult industry, The Naked Bandwagon insists on portraying coyly-positioned bodies with innocent smiles all covered under the cry of empowerment.
These days, there’s one celebrity most often associated with The Naked Bandwagon. Her recent clothing-free photo garnered over 200,000 shares on social media. While she’s made millions as a reality television star and businesswoman, she’s been deeply impacted by the harsh comments of others:
“I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world.”
It appears that her naked photos are her way of flipping off haters who’ve viciously body-shamed her over the years.
Yes, there are a lot of horrible people on social media. We should seriously consider making people prove they are responsible enough to use Facebook or Twitter, like making them get a social media learner’s permit. Women are bullied, shamed, critiqued and condemned for their size, shape or style on a regular basis.
It’s no wonder that women are banding together and pushing back.
Now, The Naked Bandwagon is rolling into middle America. The Naked Bandwagon champions want you to believe that posing nude will give you power over your sense of inadequacy. So, if you post a naked photo, then you’ll have the last say over everyone who might have called you “fat,” “ugly” or commented “At least you’ve got a pretty face.”
Sticks and stones may break our bones and shaming names can cut us deep.
Naked or not, we’ve got three big problems:
1. We don’t like ourselves as we are.
2. We don’t feel comfortable in the skin that we’re in.
3. We worry way too much about what other people think.
I’m not immune to those three problems. I spent far too man years comparing myself to other women and I never felt like I measured up. There was always someone who was “more” than me. Every time I didn’t feel that I measured up, I would put myself down.
“If you think like a throwaway person, you’ll act like a throwaway person.”
–Lysa TerKeurst
You can be sure that for whatever area of your life that you feel less than, you treat yourself horribly in that area.
If you don’t like your body, then you’ll treat your body like you don’t like it.
Hate your smile? You probably won’t smile much.
Don’t think that you make good decisions? Then, you probably letting other people tell you what to think or influence how you act?
While I like the idea of women’s empowerment as it pertains to how we cheer each other on in life, empowerment isn’t enough to create a all-important foundation for our identity.
Everyone wants to have power. When we feel empowered, then we don’t feel at-risk.
But, the quality of our power depends on its source. That’s why I like the following verse:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” -2 Timothy 1:6
There was a pastor in the New Testament named Paul. He sent a letter to his protégé Timothy to encourage the young man to boldly live out the call on his life. Paul references Timothy’s mother and grandmother as women of great faith and calls Timothy to that same conviction. I love that Paul highlights these women, who lived in a time when women were not often respected.
Imagine what would have happened if Timothy’s mother (Eunice) and grandmother (Lois) spent their days in fear of what others’ thought? Instead, these women knew that their empowerment to live their convictions came from God himself. That’s real empowerment!
These women were energized by God’s lavish love, the power of the Holy Spirit and the ability to patiently endure whatever came their way. While these women lived in a world that was not “for them,” they thrived because of their divine connection to an endless source of power.
For my fellow sisters in Christ, hear me on this: You’ve already got the power.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the fear that you aren’t enough as you are.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the shame of whatever happened in your past, whether it was forced on you or you did it to yourself.
By the power of the Holy Spirit living within you, there is no more need for shrink back or live small. God’s calling you to live BIG for Him. Honey, you can’t wait around for others to give you approval.
Stop waiting for people to give you self-worth. You are worthy because you are God’s precious daughter.
Now, live like it…with your clothes on.
REFERENCES:
1-Weight Watchers May/June 2016
2- http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/kim-kardashians-naked-selfie-is-now-a-mural-in-australia-w167359
by Barb Roose | Jan 28, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Barbie’s back with a new look and style. But will it make a difference?
As a kid, my friend knew never to call me “Barbie.” In fact, anyone who did call me by that horrible name got a push or a shove in reply. While I shared a similar name to the celebrated doll, I spent my childhood burdened by the fact that I didn’t look anything like the Barbie dolls I played with each day.
I’ve lived my life in the shadow of that manufactured creature known for her flawless perfection and radiant beauty. Little girls everywhere adored the 11 ½” plastic doll with an creamy white skin, anatomically impossible skinny waist, long blonde hair, freakishly long eye lashes and an enviable arched foot. With her perfect smile and innocent gaze, Barbie taunted me during my childhood.
As an adult, I know that just because I share a name with Barbie, that doesn’t mean that I should look like her. But, decades ago, that little brown-skinned me with pop-bottle glasses and two-large front teeth didn’t know any better. So, I would stare at my perfect, blond Barbie doll and feel less than.
On January 28 Mattel released a new line of Barbie’s with different body types and sizes. Which one would you choose? photo credit: mashable.com
During playtime, my cousins and I would dress our Barbie dolls in those luxurious, shiny gowns with the Velcro zippers and plastic stiletto heels. We dreamed that our superfly-looking dolls had high-paying jobs and lived in the palatial Barbie Mansion. Our Barbies did have Ken for a husband, but we didn’t actually have the money to buy Ken, so we always said that he was out of town.
Barbara, you don’t look like Barbie…
At some point while we played, one of the cousins or friends would point out the obvious: I didn’t look like Barbie, even though my name was Barbara. And I would nod my head and agree. I was a little, girl with a big name who didn’t look anything like the beautiful doll resting in her hand.
So, a particular narrative began to take shape in my little girl mind: “Since I don’t look like the pretty Barbie dolls, then I cannot be pretty. If I am not pretty, then I should not dream of all of the things that pretty little girls should dream about.”
For years, I pretended not to care about the fact that I wasn’t pretty because I didn’t look like those Barbie dolls. I decided to be smart instead. And I was. I wore my glasses and I made good grades.
But, I wanted to feel beautiful. Like Barbie.
Recently, Mattel announced the biggest change in Barbie’s 57-year history. After a half-century of predominately blond-hair, blue eye dolls, Barbie’s back…it might even be appropriate to say that in some cases, Barbie’s got back.
I found a Barbie that looked like me…not really, but she looks a lot more like me than my childhood Barbie’s ever did. photo credit: mashable.com
Now, Barbie will come with three different body types: petite, tall and curvy. Not only that, but curvy Barbie will truly be curvy with a little tummy in the front and a little junk in the trunk. And, when you see the side-by-side comparison of original Barbie and curvy Barbie, it’s shocking!
But, will it actually translate as a positive step to improving little girls’ self-image? What happens when a little girl has a skinny Barbie and a curvy Barbie, yet only has clothes for skinny Barbie? Mattel is actually setting up a call line to help parents navigate some of the new complexities of dressing curvy Barbie. Sometimes, her clothes don’t slide easily over her hips and thighs. Talk about art imitating life!
There are concerns that “curvy” Barbie might end up being branded as “fat” Barbie, creating some potentially awkward moments at Christmas or at birthday parties. Will a little girl want to receive curvy Barbie, even if she’s a curvy little girl? It will be interesting to see how parents and Mattel navigate this issue. Is it possible that for us to teach our kids how to do this even if we haven’t figure it out yet?
Yet, for all of the questions about the new line of Barbie dolls, I applaud Mattel for doing something! While previous generations of women sort through what I like to call our “Barbie baggage,” I’m thrilled that today’s young girls have a choice about the kind of Barbie they want to play and dream with each day.
As for me, I made peace with sharing Barbie’s name years ago. In fact, I’ve learned how to embrace it and have fun with it.
These days, my social media hastag is #TallbrownBarbie.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Do you think that the new curvy Barbie will be embraced by young girls? How would you talk with a little girl who prefers skinny or petite Barbie over curvy Barbie – or would you just let her figure it out?
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