by Barb Roose | Jan 9, 2017 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
I knew something was up when I received a link to the same blog post from several women’s Bible study leaders from around the country. The writer sent out a plea to women’s ministry leaders asking them to stop telling women that they are beautiful if that beauty message wasn’t tied to the gospel. Her blog connected with women across the country. What caught my attention were the comments from her readers. There were a lot of opinions and negative feelings out there about how beauty was addressed at women’s conferences and how beauty is taught by women’s ministry leaders.
As a communicator who speaks and writes about Christ-centered identity and beauty, I’ve heard women’s ministry leaders question whether beauty is a worthy spiritual topic. Some even rate beauty as watery spiritual milk rather than stick-to-the-bones spiritual meat. There’s a confusion about how we should talk about beauty, so without a clear way forward, women’s ministry leaders may settle for the simple “You are beautiful” cheer with no foundation or refuse to address the topic of beauty for fear of criticism from other Christians.
In either case, I fear that those two positions could actually hinder the effectiveness of women’s ministry now and into the next generation.
As long as we’re silent or hostile about talking about beauty, Satan will own the beauty dialogue. He already does. We’re seeing the results of his deception everywhere. There’s nothing fluffy or cute about beauty. The topic of beauty has become a bloody battlefield. Young girls are being bullied to death over their looks or weight. The lure of online fame compels our daughters and granddaughters to mimic the lifestyles of those that our culture worships and adores.
So, what should we be teaching women, both Christian and non-Christian women, about beauty? I believe that there are two things we must teach:
First, beauty is a topic that is wholly biblical!
Let’s stop treating the topic of beauty like an ugly scriptural stepsister. Did you know that the words “beauty” and “beautiful” appear in the Bible over 100 times?* In fact, beauty is a quality associated with the character of God, meaning that He has no ugliness or distortion.
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. –Psalm 27:4 NIV
The Bible talks about beauty on many levels and its impact on our lives. At its worst, we see how beauty fueled Rachel and Leah’s baby daddy rivalry and caused Abraham to fear for his life. At its best, God used beauty to influence the selection of Esther as Queen as well as her gentle and quiet inner beauty to gain favor with the king to save the Jewish people.
For a topic that is written about in many ways in scripture, it feels like we’re more in touch with culture’s perspective on beauty than God’s perspective. We define beauty by what we see in advertisements, social media “likes” and celebrity chatter. As Christian women, we find all of those expressions of beauty distasteful. But we don’t really have a good scriptural foundation, so we declare beauty a bad word.
Last week I interviewed Christian fashion expert Shari Braendel on my Better Together podcast. Shari is a bold woman of faith and considered America’s leading voice in fashion, beauty and dignity for Christian women. Yet she has been criticized by Christians who don’t believe that outer beauty is a spiritual topic that Christian women should care about. Regardless, over the past 12 years, God has used Shari to speak hope, truth and freedom to thousands upon thousands of women.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m a Christian women’s speaker and author who stands on platforms around the country and boldly tells women that they are beautiful because God created them. It’s biblical and needs to be said. Why? Because most women have no idea how God sees them! Far too women see themselves dipped in ugliness, guilt and shame over sin-related life experiences—some at the hands of another.
Women’s ministry leaders, we can tell a woman that she’s beautiful AND tell her that she is in need of a Savior. We can tell her about who God created her to be and how Jesus came to die so that she could experience life to fullest without guilt or shame. We can and should give both of those messages and repeat them as often as possible. Just the same as we never stop saying Jesus loves you because we think people should get it by now, we can never assume that a woman always remembers that her beautiful identity is solidified in God.
Secondly, when the Bible talks about beauty, it’s addressing both inner AND outer beauty.
When it comes to beauty, what’s on the inside does matter most, but it’s not the only thing that matters.
We’ve gotten in a habit of elevating inner beauty because of a few verses (Proverbs 31: 30 and 1 Peter 3:3-5) and pretending that we don’t care about outer beauty or that it’s bad. But God cares about both.
Who created the sunsets, flowers and rainbows that we obsessively photograph and post to social media? God created them to show us what He thinks about physical beauty.
In Genesis 1, God creates our physical world and the first humans. How often do we see the phrase “God saw that it was good” in this chapter? When God created the sun, moon, stars, trees, flowers and animals, God looked at their physical structure. The Hebrew word for good is towb, which is translated beautiful.
And God saw that it was beautiful.
In a world where women are targeted with 400-600 media advertisements a day, we cannot forget that God is the Creator of beauty, both inner AND outer beauty.
And what about us? What about adult Christian women? How many of us are silently bearing the scars and shame of outer-beauty issues? Sister, I know that you love Jesus. But I also know that you’ve probably stood in front of the mirror at one time or another whispering that you are “fat” or “ugly.” If God were standing next to you, how would you explain that?
So, here’s an incredible opportunity for us to reach women with the hope and freedom of Christ IF we remember the big picture:
Talking about beauty is an open door to talk about redemption and restoration.
In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches a crowd on a hillside. He uses the beauty of flowers as a teaching tool to remind us of how God sees us and cares about our physical needs. Jesus also refocuses our perspective:
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. –Matthew 6:31-33
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt angst, guilt or shame over “What did I just eat or drink?” or “For the love, my pants are too small. What am I going to wear today?”
First, Jesus acknowledges the struggle. Then, He tells us what to do. For every struggle, Jesus shows us the solution: See God first.
There’s a lesson in that for women’s ministry leaders, small group leaders and all mature Christian women: Acknowledge your struggle. Share Jesus’ solution.
How can the women in our churches and communities come to Christ and confess their guilt and shame if we’re silent about ours?
Maybe this is why a certain segment of women aren’t registering for conferences or retreats. When a broken woman attends an event and all she can see are well-dressed, plastic-smiling women that look shiny and perfect, she’ll struggle to relate and leave still starving for connection.
If you plan women’s events, remember that women attend conferences because they want to find solutions for what’s missing, broken or changed in their lives.
Women don’t want perfect. Women want real. Real answers. Real stories. Real women who aren’t trying to market their Pin-Perfect lives.
If you want to draw women into your next women’s event, then think about what the women in your church and community are praying about. Where are they begging God to show up in their lives? Match up those prayers with God’s hope and truth. Now, those are the topics to plan around and invite speakers to address.
And to us speakers, we’ve got to show up and tell our “But for Jesus” stories. If we’re going to stand on the platform, it’s because we’ve got a story of how Jesus rescued us from the pit. We’ve got to talk about surrender and sanctification so that the women can see that we’re putting one foot in front of the other just like they are.
And we’ve got to talk about beauty.
When I talk about the topic of beauty, I begin with a photo of what I look like first thing in the morning. Why? Because I may show up to an event looking put together, but I don’t want the women in the audience to think that’s how I roll 24/7. They need to see the “before-and-after Barb.” I show them the physical before-and-after and talk about my spiritual before-and-after. I want every woman to know that what Jesus did for me, He can do the same for her.
I dream of the day when every Christian woman has the strength and conviction to also declare that she is beautiful—not just for her sake, but also so that she can be the city on a hill to reach the millions and millions of women out there lost in the land of guilt and shame.
Just to make sure that you know, I’m going to keep telling women that they are beautiful. I don’t need to know your name in order to look you in the eyes and tell you that you are beautiful. I can do it authentically and truthfully because God’s Word guarantees the truth of that statement with 100% certainty.
Thanks for stopping by and checking out this post. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your comments below.
*NIV version
by Barb Roose | Jan 1, 2017 | Better Together Podcast
Ladies, let’s admit that we have an awkward relationship with beauty. I actually have another phrase that I use: We have an ugly struggle with beauty.
This is such a shame because Psalm 45:11 tells us that God is enthralled with our beauty. Unfortunately, we are not so enthralled with our beauty.
How often do we criticize, complain or cry about how we look in our clothes? Furthermore, how many of us feel guilty, even less spiritual because we DO care about how we look?
We’re in for a treat today because my friend, Shari Braendel comes to our rescue! Shari is considered the leading voice for America’s Christian women when it comes to the topics of fashion, beauty, and dignity. She connects with thousands of women each year to inform, encourage and inspire them. Listen by clicking the play button:
In the very first episode of the Better Together podcast, Shari will tell you what you need to know about:
- Easily identify your body type and great tips on dressing for your body.
- How to tell if your bra is fitting correctly. Oh, my goodness, we had so much fun with this!
- She’ll teach us a helpful strategy to increase our confidence once we get dressed for the day.
And so much more!
- SPECIAL OFFER! Buy Shari’s 27 Hangers program for only $27! If you purchase the program by January 7, 10% of your purchase will be donated to Living In Truth, a ministry that focuses on body image, self-esteem and eating disorders. You can go to Shari’s website for more information.
SHOW LINKS: Shari’s website
You can subscribe to Shari’s weekly newsletter, learn more about her book, discover her products and much more!
TELL YOUR FRIENDS! Did you enjoy this episode of Better Together? Leave a comment and tell your friends by sharing this episode with them.
ABOUT SHARI BRAENDEL: Shari is considered America’s leading Christian Style Authority, CEO of Fashion Meets Faith and developer of the 27 Hanger Closet Online Academy.
Inspiring thousands of women each year to new levels of confidence at conferences around the globe, she leads with an encouraging heart and vibrant spirit helping women see themselves the way God might.
Author of Help Me Jesus, I Have Nothing to Wear and the fashion editor of More To Life Christian Magazine, Shari desires to inspire females of all ages to dress with dignity and style.
She has been featured on Focus on the Family, The Total Christian Television Network, K-Love, Moody Radio and more.
Shari lives in Charlotte, NC with her husband Dave, three lazy cats and a very overweight yellow lab. Her only son Luke attends the United States Military Academy at West Point and is an Army Basketball player so she loves watching him play ball! She also has adult triplet stepdaughters and one precious grandchild.
Check out this episode!
by Barb Roose | Sep 12, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
How often do you look in the mirror and struggle with what you see?
Remember when we used to love hanging out with each other? Hmm, how old were we back then – two or three years old? How cute were we! Ahh, in those early years we couldn’t get enough of each other. We snuggle up close and do kissy-lips with at each other. We’d play endless games of hide-n-seek. By the way, you’re horrible at that game! Whenever it was my turn to count, I’d peek while counting and you never moved. What’s up with that?
Remember when I was ten years old? That’s when stupid Marcus told me that I was ugly and I had a big nose? I barely made it home from school without melting down. I ran right to the bathroom looking for you. Tears were streaming down my face as Marcus’ awful words screamed in my head.
Don’t you remember how I put my face right up against yours? I searched your eyes hoping that you’d show me that Marcus was wrong. I wanted you to smile at me and make me feel that I was okay as I was. But, you didn’t.
For me, that was the day that we stopped being friends. Correction: That was the day that YOU stopped being my friend.
Yet, we still see each other every day.
Let me apologize for what I look like in the mornings. I’ll admit that it’s a bad scene for both of us. My hot-mess hair and puffy eyes – okay, that’s all on me. (What happens overnight anyways? I always feel like I’m in some overnight street fight and lose every single time…)
Throughout the day, we catch glimpses of each other. A quick look here. A snatch of a glance there. You see me and just that quick, you always look away. No smiles. No kindness. No comfort. Whatever.
You’ve seen me I strap on my courage and strip down in the department store dressing room. Why weren’t you kinder when I tried on that pink skirt and got stuck in it? That size SHOULD HAVE FIT. I was so crushed when it didn’t. Again tears. Again I look at you. Again, all you gave me was a cold stare.
Sometimes I hate you.
Whenever I walk away from you, I want to turn back and scream, “Why aren’t you there for me? Why aren’t you on my side?”
You’ve betrayed me by not loving me. You’ve seen me at my best and worst. Yet, you never show me the support that I need. We share the same heart, the same mind and the same body and yet, you make me feel so bad about myself. I can’t win with you!
You can’t make me 20 pounds thinner, but is it so hard to give me a freakin’ smile every now and then?
Is it so hard for you to give me a thumbs up when I stop in the restaurant bathroom while I’m out with my skinner, more stylish friends?
It’s been a long time, but today, I’m getting all up in your face. We’ve got settle whatever is between us. This stops now. Today. We’re going stop blaming our issues on school bullies, skinny supermodels, unrealistic expectations or the cookies that we can’t stop eating.
This is between you and me.
Tell me, how do we patch things up between us?
I want to know that you are with me. When we look at each other, I want to look in your eyes and see that you’re on my side. I need you to stop giving me reason to criticize my face, hair, hips, breasts or arms and cheer for me instead. I want to look in your eyes and see that I am beautiful. I want to see that I am enough.
What will it take for you to do that?
Wait – are you saying something? Hold on…please whisper a little louder.
My friend, if you want me to love you, start with loving yourself. I’m just reflecting what’s going on inside of you.
The key to being friends with me is the show me what you want to see.
Do you want to see me smile? Then, you smile first.
Do you want to see me cheer for you? Then, you cheer first.
My beautiful friend, I’ll gladly follow your path, but you’ve got to learn how to lead the way.
TALK BACK TIME! What part of your body do you struggle with the most? Leave a comment below and share this post with your friends!
P.S. If you’re tired of hating the woman in the mirror, check out my Beautiful Already Bible study. Give God space to transform how you see yourself – inside AND out!
Available at major Christian retailers across the country.
by Barb Roose | Oct 27, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I woke up this morning and realized that I have only 10 DAYS until my video debut in Nashville. A few months ago, I announced my new project, a six-week Bible study titled, “Beautiful Already.” This new project would include a companion DVD featuring me. Okay, so that previous sentence = mind blown. Honestly, life has kept me so busy this year that the reality of filming hasn’t sunk in until, well, basically this morning.
As I was standing in the bathroom, about two minutes ago, I might have started to freak out. Not much. Just a smidge. A little.
You’re no Beth Moore.
You’ll be fine. Pretend you’re Priscilla Shirer…
Priscilla Shirer is amazing! But, you can’t copy her, you’ve got to be you!
Is being me good enough?
Just a little freak out, right?
When I start freaking out about stuff, I like to capture my thoughts. As an added bonus, I’ve snookered you into reading some of those wacky, nerve-wrecked thoughts. I’m writing a bunch in order to capture my life over next 10 days. If anything, It’s a good idea to have a chronology of events in case I have an epic meltdown and someone needs to reconstruct the timeline…or accident scene.
Here’s two things that you should know about where my brain is that today…
Exhibit A: my flat iron
I was not kidding when I told you that I wrote this post in the bathroom this morning while doing my hair. I dictated while Siri typed…but I had to fix her typos. Blame her if I missed one. And yes, I’m kinda sideways in the picture. #thestrugglecontinues
I’m not a sophisticated thinker in the morning, but as I’m curling my hair this morning, I’ve had an epiphany: Filming a DVD is kind of big deal. No brag. Just a reality check.
Seriously, I’m not bragging. I just haven’t absorbed my soon-to-be reality. I’ve thought about all of the prep work. I’ve thought about what I will wear. I’ve poured hours into research and content. But, I haven’t thought about the road that I’ve traveled to this experience or celebrated that this opportunity has come my way.
Yes, these thoughts should have occurred to me earlier. However, it’s been a year filled with lots of changes, transitions, celebrations and tears, so much thinking about so many things. The DVD has been in the background of my life, looming, but not acknowledged nearly enough.
So, as I curl my hair this morning, I’m getting little excited (which is dangerous when one is holding a hot styling tool). I’M FILMING A DVD, Y’ALL! And since it’s not a workout DVD, I can still eat. However, I’m thinking about that big ‘ole camera and hoping that it makes me look 10 pounds thinner, rather then heavier.
I’m so excited about the opportunity to share with women about how much God loves them, about how we can support each other better, and important messages that we need to know about loving ourselves. I can’t wait to see what God does when this study is released next March!
While I’m doing my hair, I’m also experiencing a twinge of sadness. Now that I’m in the heavy preparation phase, it doesn’t leave a lot of time for celebrating this life-event. It’s go-time and I’m a go-girl – which is usually my problem. Go-girls don’t celebrate life well. #workingonthat
(Goodness, the things I think about when I’m holding a flat iron! So, take a moment to tuck this tidbit away: If you ever want Barb to do deep-thinking, put a styling tool in her hand.)
Exhibit B: #thatshoetho’
These shoes are amazing if you are standing or sitting. Not so much fun if you must walk for hours on end or hitchhike across the country.
These are my favorite pairs of shoes. I love them. Not as much as I love God, my husband or kids, but I totally love these shoes. They’re amazing, right! When I am 90 years old, God willing, I’ll be wearing these shoes! Even if I’m sitting in a wheelchair and these shoes have to be duct taped to my old, arthritic feet, I will keep wearing them.
Believe it or not, these shoes cost about $6.00. I know, right?!!! Four years ago, my dear friend, Lisa gave me a $50 gift card for my birthday. The shoes were $49.99 + tax and that wonderful gift card made those shoes truly a gift! After months of searching, I found these pretties the day before I left town for a speaking engagement with the fabulous Nicole Johnson. I was a special guest speaker for her “Seasons Weekend” experience and I wanted to have a crazy, amazing pair of shoes to wear. So, in true Barb-fashion, I discovered these beauties sitting on the rack just whispering my name. How do I know that they were whispering my name? I wear a size 11. There’s only a few big-feet names those shoes could call and I choose to believe that they called for me.
These shoes have been a part of some of the best moments of my life in the last four years. So, they will be one of the most important items in my suitcase. These shoes are an enduring symbol of how God has dropped unexpected joy, pizzazz and opportunity into my life, even as the circumstances around me didn’t always make sense. I’m looking forward to the moment before the cameras roll when I can look down at my feet and remember a gracious, faithful God who will be right beside me as I speak.
YIKES!!!
So, it’s time for me to get out of the bathroom and get dressed. And frankly, I need to stop typing because trying to flat iron my hair and write this post at the same time is really a dumb idea. Siri did a lot of the dictation, but she’s REALLY bad with the typos.
So, with 10 days before next week’s shoot, I’m going to do my best to celebrate this moment in my life. Today, I’m going to enjoy the new fluttering butterflies in my tummy. I am going to embrace the annoying insecurities that come along with this new experience on the horizon. I hope that I do a great job. I’m praying that God works in me and through me.
And most of all, today, I’m going to smile.
I’M FILMING A DVD NEXT WEEK, Y’ALL!
Thanks for sharing in the journey with me!
Join me! If you’d like to be in the studio audience, I would love to look out and see your smiling face. CLICK HERE for more information to sign up for studio audience!
By the way, my new project, “Beautiful Already” is already available for pre-order on Amazon! If you’re a part of a women’s Bible study group, check it out! Click here for more info!
Coming in March 2016!
by Barb Roose | Sep 3, 2015 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Yesterday, I had the privilege of sitting across from a lovely woman and hear the dream that’s been growing in her heart for years. I watched her face light up and I listened to the words that come from the bravest who dream big:
“I hope…”
“I wish…”
“I think I can…”
I love dreams. But, dreams are scary. When we dream, we also fear that it won’t come true. For some of us, that fear eats our dreams before we ever get the chance to enjoy them. At our church, we’ve got a new series coming up titled #FAILPROOF – a series about how we can push past the fear that keeps us from living out God-sized dreams. Our fear of failure paralyzes us, doesn’t it? I hate failure. I hate feeling like a failure. In fact, once upon a time, the fear of failure almost got me…
Did you know that I wrote a book that never got published?
About 10 years before my Enough Already book, I wrote a fiction book that is still sitting on the shelf in my bedroom. I tried to get it published, but it didn’t work out. It was rejected and that rejection hurt. For a long time, I didn’t want to write a book because I didn’t want to be rejected ever again. Yet, I kept that book because it eventually taught me a lesson about dreams: A dream is precious and can be celebrated, even if it doesn’t become all that I hoped it to be.
That dream didn’t come true, but it did serve a purpose in my life.
A few years later, God sent me a new dream as well as divine timing. That new dream grew into my Enough Already book. It was a costly dream, but that’s what making dreams-come-true is all about. Dreams ain’t easy, friends. And if it is, then it isn’t a real dream.
What are you dreaming about? Have you been holding onto a dream, but unsure what to do?
I’d love permission to encourage you today with a few suggestions:
- Tell someone. Dreams are hard, but there are some dreams that we make harder than they need to be. Let’s face it, some of your dreams, like repairing a relationship or getting out of debt – those dreams feel impossible as long as they are in your head. You’ve got to tell someone about your dream! For some of you, this will require courage, but I know you can do it! Pick someone you TRUST and lay it on them, but don’t expect them to do anything other than listen.
- Give your dream time to grow into reality. I finished my first book in 2004, but I didn’t publish my first solo book until 2015. So, what did I do during all of those unpublished years? I wrote. A lot. I prepared while I waited. So should you.
- Make an Ask. Be specific about what kind of help that you need, but don’t expect someone to work your dream. As a wise consultant and friend keeps saying, “Healthy people know how to ask for what they want, even if they don’t always get it.” (Now, before you all write me to ask for help about publishing a book, I’m still trying to figure it all out!)
- Take responsibility for your dream. A dream is like a baby. You’ve got to nurture it, direct it, reposition it and most of all, take responsible for the good, the bad and the ugly that happens when dreams become reality. Don’t orphan your dream when it gets shaky or off-course, stay with it!
A message for those who’ve stopped dreaming…
Life happens. We fail. We get beat up. Sometimes, we want to give up. Don’t give up on dreaming!
I don’t know why you’ve stopped dreaming, but I know what it feels like to be dream-less: it feels like death. In fact, there’s a verse in the Old Testament that I’m paraphrasing: “Without a vision (dream), the people will perish (die).” Without a dream, there’s part of you that feels like it’s dying inside.
So, what do you do? How can you start to dream again? Here’s a tip: Find someone with a dream and help him or her fulfill it. As you get involved in their dream, it will boost your confidence to begin to dream again for yourself.
Dream on, friends. It’s time for your dream ON!
Do you have a dream that you are ready to share? If you could do anything and knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do? Share your dream in the comments for us to cheer you on! If you think that this post would bless your friends, use the share buttons below.
Thanks for stopping by today! By the way, my new online magazine, FancyPants, launches on September 15 for barbroose.com subscribers ONLY. Each month, I’ll be sharing my favorite fashion stuff, style news and beautiful stuff for your faith and soul. Subscribe so that I can send you FancyPants each month!
