by Barb Roose | Sep 12, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
How often do you look in the mirror and struggle with what you see?
Remember when we used to love hanging out with each other? Hmm, how old were we back then – two or three years old? How cute were we! Ahh, in those early years we couldn’t get enough of each other. We snuggle up close and do kissy-lips with at each other. We’d play endless games of hide-n-seek. By the way, you’re horrible at that game! Whenever it was my turn to count, I’d peek while counting and you never moved. What’s up with that?
Remember when I was ten years old? That’s when stupid Marcus told me that I was ugly and I had a big nose? I barely made it home from school without melting down. I ran right to the bathroom looking for you. Tears were streaming down my face as Marcus’ awful words screamed in my head.
Don’t you remember how I put my face right up against yours? I searched your eyes hoping that you’d show me that Marcus was wrong. I wanted you to smile at me and make me feel that I was okay as I was. But, you didn’t.
For me, that was the day that we stopped being friends. Correction: That was the day that YOU stopped being my friend.
Yet, we still see each other every day.
Let me apologize for what I look like in the mornings. I’ll admit that it’s a bad scene for both of us. My hot-mess hair and puffy eyes – okay, that’s all on me. (What happens overnight anyways? I always feel like I’m in some overnight street fight and lose every single time…)
Throughout the day, we catch glimpses of each other. A quick look here. A snatch of a glance there. You see me and just that quick, you always look away. No smiles. No kindness. No comfort. Whatever.
You’ve seen me I strap on my courage and strip down in the department store dressing room. Why weren’t you kinder when I tried on that pink skirt and got stuck in it? That size SHOULD HAVE FIT. I was so crushed when it didn’t. Again tears. Again I look at you. Again, all you gave me was a cold stare.
Sometimes I hate you.
Whenever I walk away from you, I want to turn back and scream, “Why aren’t you there for me? Why aren’t you on my side?”
You’ve betrayed me by not loving me. You’ve seen me at my best and worst. Yet, you never show me the support that I need. We share the same heart, the same mind and the same body and yet, you make me feel so bad about myself. I can’t win with you!
You can’t make me 20 pounds thinner, but is it so hard to give me a freakin’ smile every now and then?
Is it so hard for you to give me a thumbs up when I stop in the restaurant bathroom while I’m out with my skinner, more stylish friends?
It’s been a long time, but today, I’m getting all up in your face. We’ve got settle whatever is between us. This stops now. Today. We’re going stop blaming our issues on school bullies, skinny supermodels, unrealistic expectations or the cookies that we can’t stop eating.
This is between you and me.
Tell me, how do we patch things up between us?
I want to know that you are with me. When we look at each other, I want to look in your eyes and see that you’re on my side. I need you to stop giving me reason to criticize my face, hair, hips, breasts or arms and cheer for me instead. I want to look in your eyes and see that I am beautiful. I want to see that I am enough.
What will it take for you to do that?
Wait – are you saying something? Hold on…please whisper a little louder.
My friend, if you want me to love you, start with loving yourself. I’m just reflecting what’s going on inside of you.
The key to being friends with me is the show me what you want to see.
Do you want to see me smile? Then, you smile first.
Do you want to see me cheer for you? Then, you cheer first.
My beautiful friend, I’ll gladly follow your path, but you’ve got to learn how to lead the way.
TALK BACK TIME! What part of your body do you struggle with the most? Leave a comment below and share this post with your friends!
P.S. If you’re tired of hating the woman in the mirror, check out my Beautiful Already Bible study. Give God space to transform how you see yourself – inside AND out!
Available at major Christian retailers across the country.
by Barb Roose | Aug 15, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship
This year’s summer Olympics has been a breath of fresh air!
Have you had a chance to see team USA in action? For the past week, United States athletes like Michael Phelps, Kate Ledecky, Simone Biles, Simone Manuel and so many others have given us so much to cheer about!
For me, when I see are Olympic athletes take the world stage, I am filled with such a deep sense of pride. I feel like those athletes are my people!
photo credit below
Now, I’ve never met any of our Olympic athletes. I don’t know where they are from and I know very little about their lives. Yet, when they compete I cheer like crazy for them because they are wearing red, white and blue.
In fact, I believe that the Summer Olympics has divine timing…
Over the past three months, America has been more divided than it any other time in recent memory. And we are divided over so many things from the hate-filled election season, split opinions over social issues and an escalation in our centuries-old struggle with racism that’s tearing our country in half.
Yet, even as the United States is more divided than ever, this year’s Olympics reminds of how good unity can feel. We’re reminded that we could cheer for people that we don’t know and consider them “our people.” We’re reminded that we can celebrate athletes who don’t look anything like us and yet, feel like we’re winning right along with them.
Other than the Olympics, when’s the last time that you’ve seen that happen in the United States?
I’ve struggled for the past two months because there are no easy answers to the problems that divide us. I’ve been asking, “God, what do you want me to do?” My greatest fear was that I couldn’t make a difference.
After the first police shooting, I shared a story about my experience with race in America. To my surprise, hundreds and hundreds of people responded. A week later I wrote another story about my fears while raising bi-racial children and again, people responded.
Social media has proven over and over again that when our lips or fingers are typing, people are not listening. Our opinions often create more opposition.
But, as I prayed, God seemed to impress upon my heart the power of a story. I shared my story and people listened – and they responded. I began to wonder if God wanted me to create space for people to share where they come from and what they’ve been through.
Friends, let’s be honest: We don’t know how to talk to each other about race. BUT, we do know how to do a share our story.
Recently, I was reminded of the power of our stories.
Two weeks ago, I was in Roatan, Honduras. It’s a beautiful tropical island off the coast of La Ceiba, Honduras. I’ve traveled to La Ceiba many times on missions work. This time, I flew over La Ceiba and landed in Roatan to speak at a women’s conference on that beautiful tropical island.
Beautiful Roatan, Honduras
I’m hanging out with my friend and International Missions coordinator, Karen and my lovely translator, Sofia.
A gorgeous view of our final evening at the conference right on the edge of the Caribbean.
Celebrating the final night of the conference with sparklers and fireworks.
Before I spoke during the morning session, I was sitting at breakfast with my traveling companion, Karen. We joined six other Honduran women already sitting at the table. We were from different countries and spoke different languages. We had different socioeconomic and educational experiences. Yet, we were all sitting around the same table eating the same breakfast. Since my Spanish is muy mal, I asked our translator to offer a question to the women in order to break the silence. I didn’t even know what to ask. But, in that moment, God impressed upon my heart a simple list question: “Would you tell me about your families?”
For the next hour, those women spoke through our translator. They shared eloquently about their heartache, hardships as well as the trials and triumphs in their lives. Each one of the women had been through incredible hardship, yet their eyes lit up as they spoke of God’s faithfulness and how they overcame fear.
One woman told the story of a son who had been imprisoned in another country and she had not seen him in two years. However, the day before she left for the conference, he was miraculously released two years early and on his way home. Another woman shared of the death of her 13-year-old son from hydrocephaly and then a number of years later, she lost a young daughter to Down syndrome. Our translator shared of how her husband lost the use of his legs after suffering nerve damage during surgery. She shared how strong they’ve become in their faith as a result of this situation and she smiles and gives thanks to God anyways.
What a precious experience, friends! I gained a greater perspective on my life because of what those women went through. Spiritually speaking, God became even bigger to me because I had a chance to hear how He worked in their lives and in their circumstance. I was so blessed!
On that morning, I was reminded of how small our lives and faith remains when we only know our own story.
What if the first step was your decision to understand more about race was asking a question to discover more about where people have come from and what they’ve gone through?
Perhaps, you’ll consider asking someone who looks different than you out to coffee or inviting their family over to your home for dinner. Instead of worrying about what to say or obsessing about saying the wrong thing, consider beginning with the question: “Would you tell me about your family?”
Friends, I know that a single question isn’t going to be the magic fix that we need to heal of the miles-wide racial divide in America. BUT, we could reconcile the divide as we learn our stories one at a time?
I’m not sure what the answer to that question is, but what I do believe that it’s a positive step in the right direction.
SHARE YOUR STORIES WITH US!
I’ve launched a 30-day experiment called the “(g)race project.” Over the next 30 days, I’m asking 30 questions about race, grace and faith on this Facebook page. Just click here to join. You are invited to share your stories with us. My prayer is that over the next 30 days, we can begin to reconcile our country’s racial divide, one story at a time.
Photo credit: Aug 11, 2016; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Simone Manuel (USA) celebrates after the women's 100m freestyle final in the Rio 2016 Summer Olympic Games at Olympic Aquatics Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Erich Schlegel-USA TODAY Sports ORG XMIT: USATSI-GRP-746 ORIG FILE ID: 20160811_jel_usa_488.jpg
by Barb Roose | Nov 28, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
First, “srsly” isn’t a typo, just my lame attempt at being clever – especially since this blog title might be a little jarring for some. Trust me, what you’re about to read is ALL GOOD. It’s 100% goodness up in here.
And yes, after almost 14 years, I’ll be leaving my full-time staff position at CedarCreek Church. My eyes get a little cloudy just a bit looking at that last sentence. Okay, deep breaths. (That’s for me, not you – ha!). If you haven’t seen my “ThankFULL” message at CedarCreek this weekend, you might want to check it because I’m talking about my exciting news during the talk. So, I decided to share this post and some pictures of just a few memories that I’ve had over the years.
I know that there are folks scratching-n-sniffing for some type of secret story or conspiracy. If you’re looking for some kind of “What-aren’t-they-telling-us” story about my departure, you’re going to be disappointed. Friends, here’s the real story:
- The reality is that I’ve been working TWO great jobs for the past year – my full-time Creek job and my hobby-turned-calling as an author. I’ve been trying to do both and frankly, by August I realized that I wasn’t doing either of them as well as they needed to be done. Both roles needed 100% and since there is only one me, it was time to let one go.
- My decision was driven by the need to focus on the ONE thing – connecting with women. My main thing will be speaking – whether at MOPS groups, churches or conferences. Here’s how it works: the goal of speaking is to inspire women to connect with Jesus’ heart and direction on a particular topic. After the talk, books equip women to learn, understand and apply what inspired them during the talk. If I truly want to connect with women for the long-haul, it starts with speaking. While the elders were generous with their permission for me to speak, the truth is that the speaking side of life takes more time than I have available.
- Change is hard, but I’m really excited! Ben’s excited, too. Okay, it took him a few minutes after I told him the news, but he’s been leading the “Go-Barb!” cheer. The elders are excited, too. One of my greatest encouragements was that CedarCreek Founding Pastor, Lee Powell, wrote a great reference for me to share with new churches who have no idea who I am. His words blessed me and I am so grateful for them.
I mustache you a question? Ha! One of our videographers noticed my mustache while editing a video for an April 2014 weekend message. Lots of laughs on this one!
“What’s next for you, Barb?”
Let me start with what’s NOT next. First, you’ll want to scrub any mental images of me rolling around in piles of $$$ like authors, J.K. Rowling or Jodi Piccault. I’m a newly published Christian author who’s still learning the ropes. I’m not leaving my staff job because I’ve sold tons of books. Truth is, I haven’t sold tons of books, but I’m working on it. One of these days, it would be cool to join a speaking tour like Women of Faith (WOF) but I’m looking forward to wherever God sends me to speak. (This is fun: Later this week, I am writing a blog for the WOF newsletter, but they really have no idea who I am – ha!)
All I know for sure is that God is calling me toward a new direction in this season of my life.
So, what IS next? I’ll be in full-time ministry as a Christian women’s speaker and author. I have a number of speaking events lined up for early 2016. I love speaking. If you’d like to see where I’ll be speaking for the next few months, check out barbroose.com/speaking. Feel free to share up this link with friends at other churches who are connected to their women’s ministry. (Make sure to tell them that you know me so I’m not just some random black woman with a big smile sitting in their inbox.)
I’ll also be writing. Lot’s of writing. I need to become a much better writer and that will take time and hard work. There are some writing projects in 2016 that I’m looking forward to diving into as well.
Also, I’ll be speaking a couple of times in the coming year at CedarCreek. Ben asked if I wanted to still speak occasionally and I was like “FO’ SHO!” I appreciated the ask and I’m looking forward to it. I’m actually scheduled for a date in February and looking forward to it! (By the way, our family will still be attending the Creek…)
Finally, I’ll be working on building new relationships with other Christian women speakers and authors and I’ve got a chance to explore some new ways to connect with women.
Where is all began! Here’s my first beauty talk at our CedarCreek MOPS group in 2010.
Are you scared?
Honey, they don’t call it a “leap of faith” for nothing! I’m running toward the edge of the great unknown and the only thing I can do is tuck my knees under and fold my hands to pray that God keeps me from falling.
Am I scared? YES! I’m leaving a great job that makes a difference in our world. I’m leaving a group of people who been like family to me for over a decade. I’m leaving a good salary complete with great healthcare and a retirement plan. Scared? HECK YEAH! And, every now and I ask myself: “Are you crazy?”
Yet, I feel that God is calling me to open my hands and trust whatever He will put in them or even, take away.
My concerns and worries aren’t anything special – and not even significant. Fact is, there are Christians all over the world putting their VERY BREATH AND LIFE on the line for the Gospel. So, while there are practical things in my life that are real concerns, I’m aware of how insignificant those things are in the light of eternity.
Leaving the comfort of the USA to go on short-term missions changed my life. Sure, I helped build a few houses, but the relationships that I’ve developed have changed my life. I’m looking forward to continuing those relationships with my friends in Latin America. Mi familia!
Over the last 14 years as a staffer and 19 years as a CedarCreek attendee, I’ve seen thousands of lives changed and transformed for eternity. What would be scary was if I was leaving my Creek job and cutting myself off from opportunities to help others discover life transformative power of Christ.
I have no idea how God will use my life, but I’m going to open my hands and let God put in or take away according to His plan. Just so you know, that last sentence was tough to write because I’ve been alive long enough to know that some of what will go in and what will come out will hurt – even devastate me at times. Yet, on the same note, God will also overflow my heart with peace, joy and fulfillment. My main job is to trust that God will be faithful and good in both sets of circumstances.
Oh, Hanz and Frieda! In late December 2014, I spent an afternoon stuffed full of foam, wore a blond wig with fake eyelashes and pedaled a bike in high-heeled boots. Just another day at the office – ha!
“What do you need? How can we pray for you?”
I’m so glad that you asked! I’m not shy, so here’s a list:
- Pray for FOCUS. I want to travel in the lane God created for me. I’m not trying to be Lysa TerKeurst, Priscilla Shirer or the other amazing women that do what I do. I want to focus on God to see the direction where He calls me to do.
- Pray for NEW CONNECTIONS. I know that God has given me a message for women that can transform their lives. I’m praying for opportunities to share this message wherever God would lead – even if it’s out of my comfort zone.
- Pray for PROVISION. There are some specific things that I am praying about for 2016, mainly speaker and writer development and leadership mentoring that I’d like to participate in this year. Pray that God will provide according to His plan for me. (By the way, I’d challenge you to create your own “getting-better” wish list. My “wish list” is at the bottom.
- Pray for FAMILY. Transition can be tough. No complaints, friends. I totally get that people have it much worse than Casa de Roose. Still, we’re navigating all of the relationship and economic issues that come with transitions. On top of that, my oldest daughter leaves for South Korea in two weeks for her first assignment after graduating from West Point. Pray that our dependence will be on God and that we choose to live with ThankFULL hearts at all times.
Thank you for checking out my exciting news! Again, I’d like to thank everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging to me. I’ve been so very blessed by all of you.
MY 2016 DEVELOPMENT WISH LIST (click on the titles to find out more about these)
She Speaks Conference hosted by P31.org and Lysa TerKeurst) – if you are a Christian woman and you want to speak/write for an audience, THIS IS THE CONFERENCE! I’ve been twice and it’s amazing!
The Storyline Conference hosted by Donald Miller
Catalyst Conference (either two-day or one-day event)
Global Leadership Summit hosted by WillowCreek Church
Truth@Work Roundtables
Books-n-Such Literary Agency Retreat – hosted by my literary agency for the writers.
by Barb Roose | May 25, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I like to keep it real.
Why? Because it’s a compete waste of time for me to pretend that I’m all put together. My house is somewhat messy these days. I’m doing pretty well when it comes to making dinner, but where’s something tragic happening in my backyard. The weeds are winning, friends…
For the most part, I’m just trying to get through each day. Like you, I have happy days, cranky days, bossy days and sometimes, just plain ‘ole you-totally-don’t-want-to-be-around-Barb days. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon wearing dirty white socks and a bad attitude.
Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. Do you? When my life is full, that’s when the tears often overflow. I’m totally not complaining, but I hope that someone can relate to seasons of life that seem to hold more experiences that my tender heart can handle.
At times, I feel like I’m holding my life together with pieces of Scotch tape. Ever worked with Scotch tape? That stuff is so good when you’re taping paper together. However, Scotch tape is a fail if you want to join two items with any weight. That’s why Scotch tape needs to stick with paper and leave the heavy lifting to something better suited. No matter how hard we try, there is a limit to what Scotch tape can do.
Sometimes, it feels like I’m trying to fix the big, important things in life with my human effort, which often resembles Scotch tape. I can do a lot of things. But, when I’m faced with some situation that I can’t fix, my first reaction is to get mad.
from bucks.blogs.nytimes.com
What is the thing in your life that you can’t control? How do you react in that disappointing moment? How does your behavior impact your relationships and your faith?
A few months ago, I was getting frustrated over a number of situations that were out of my control. This lack of control led to disappointment and anger because what I expected didn’t match the reality of was truly happening.
After I journaled about those disappointments, I put an asterisk by the situations/events that I could control or improve. Out of seven disappointments, I could only place two asterisks. Ouch.
So, I realized I had two choices:
#1 – I could be perpetually ticked off about the situations that were out of my control;
#2 – OR, I would discipline myself to accept reality (I have no control!) and create a response to my disappointment that was consistent with reality.
Here is a phrase that I have decided to repeat when disappointment descends into my life:
Here are somethings that I try to remember:
1. Even when life is tough, I know God loves me and will take care of me. (Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 8:31, Philippians 4:6-7)
2. God has a plan and purpose for my life. He’s in control, even when I am not. (Jeremiah 29:11)
3. Difficult circumstances are often what God uses to help me become a better, more faithful person. (Romans 5:3-5)
I don’t know what you are up against today, but I do know that there are disappointments that frustrate and anger you. I also know that dealing with disappointment is often as difficult as dealing with the situation. So, I’m going to challenge you to say this phrase: “God is in control and He will take care of it” the next time you are faced with an uncontrollable situation.
While the situation might be difficult to get through, you’ll be able to endure the difficulty with confidence in God and His ability to take care of things in a way that you never could.
If you need to let God be in control of something in your life, let us know how we can pray for you in the comments below.
Thanks for stopping by! If you think that this post would bless a friend, feel free to share it!
by Barb Roose | Jul 24, 2013 | Christian Living/Discipleship
It was exactly a year ago that I woke up on my 40th birthday in a really bad mood.
I hated turning 40. Hated it. Even saying the words, “I’m 40” seemed to stick in my throat. Still does…
In the weeks leading up to my birthday last year, I sensed the likelihood of a meltdown, so I wisely planned a distraction: a partial kitchen remodel. Since I’m not super-handy, I had figured driving back and forth to Home Depot that week would keep me too busy to think about the Big 4-0.
On the morning of my July 24th birthday, I had planned to start painting the cabinet doors. As I mixed paint at 8:15am that morning, I groused to God about reaching this dreaded female milestone. Yet, I also felt guilty for being ungrateful. Afterall, I was alive, right? As I prepped the cabinets, I began to obsess (maybe even panic…) about what might be next in my life. And, what if there wasn’t a “next”? That thought terrified me. I begged God to help me shake off the “40-funk” that was settling into my heart.
At 8:30am, the phone rang. Then, everything changed:
“Barb, you need to meet Life Flight at St. V’s. Your sister-in-law and niece are headed there. They’ve been in an accident. Someone has died, but we don’t know who or in which car.”
Luckily, the hospital’s location is three minutes from my house and I was there within 10 minutes of the phone call. After waiting, I found out that my sister-in-law was alive and my niece was unconscious and in critical condition. Then, sadly, I learned that one of the passengers in the other vehicle had died. All I could do was cry and pray.
It was only 10am…and I was no longer concerned about turning 40.
As we paced through the hours of the day, our brains were in a haze from the overload of information and emotions. Yet, there are certain parts of life that just went on. For instance, it was my birthday, so I still had to get my car registration and tags renewed. At the BMV, I met saw a woman in line that I had seen at the hospital earlier in the day. Later, I found out her name was Ms. Lucy Oliver. As the battle for life and death circled around us, I had a chance to talk with one of St. V’s beloved employees. Weeks later, I would use her faith-filled testimony in one of my weekend messages.
In the days that followed the accident, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law held their daughter’s hand as her body struggled to survive surgery after surgery. Our immediate and distant family members would travel back and forth to the hospital to see and support in many different ways. Time moved fast and slow – simultaneously.
God spared my beautiful niece, Camie’s life. Over the past year, she’s worked so hard to regain the ability to walk and be mobile. She rocked out her academics and will graduate from high school next spring – an entire year early! Camie even got her driver’s license this year! Amazing! 365 days ago, I never could have imagined what today would look like.
As I think about the last 365 days of my life, there are so many different storylines to recall. Days of triumph, joy and peace mixed in with days of darkness, pain and confusion. Of course, I wish that there were more of the good days than bad ones, but as I get older, I’ve learned that the keeping score isn’t the point.
Sooooo, now I am 41. Yep, 41. This year, I choose to be grateful for the chance to live out every unknown (sometimes difficult or scary moments). When I remember that God has plans, not problems, I cope with life so much better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New Living Translation)
As a reforming control-freak, one of my biggest issues is not worrying about the future. Yet, God’s plans are for me. Whatever problems I am currently navigating are a part of His plan and thankfully, I can’t screw up His plan. Whew.
So, if you’re wondering what I am doing for my birthday this year, I’m repeating the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13 to myself. Over and over again…
