by Barb Roose | Sep 12, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
How often do you look in the mirror and struggle with what you see?
Remember when we used to love hanging out with each other? Hmm, how old were we back then – two or three years old? How cute were we! Ahh, in those early years we couldn’t get enough of each other. We snuggle up close and do kissy-lips with at each other. We’d play endless games of hide-n-seek. By the way, you’re horrible at that game! Whenever it was my turn to count, I’d peek while counting and you never moved. What’s up with that?
Remember when I was ten years old? That’s when stupid Marcus told me that I was ugly and I had a big nose? I barely made it home from school without melting down. I ran right to the bathroom looking for you. Tears were streaming down my face as Marcus’ awful words screamed in my head.
Don’t you remember how I put my face right up against yours? I searched your eyes hoping that you’d show me that Marcus was wrong. I wanted you to smile at me and make me feel that I was okay as I was. But, you didn’t.
For me, that was the day that we stopped being friends. Correction: That was the day that YOU stopped being my friend.
Yet, we still see each other every day.
Let me apologize for what I look like in the mornings. I’ll admit that it’s a bad scene for both of us. My hot-mess hair and puffy eyes – okay, that’s all on me. (What happens overnight anyways? I always feel like I’m in some overnight street fight and lose every single time…)
Throughout the day, we catch glimpses of each other. A quick look here. A snatch of a glance there. You see me and just that quick, you always look away. No smiles. No kindness. No comfort. Whatever.
You’ve seen me I strap on my courage and strip down in the department store dressing room. Why weren’t you kinder when I tried on that pink skirt and got stuck in it? That size SHOULD HAVE FIT. I was so crushed when it didn’t. Again tears. Again I look at you. Again, all you gave me was a cold stare.
Sometimes I hate you.
Whenever I walk away from you, I want to turn back and scream, “Why aren’t you there for me? Why aren’t you on my side?”
You’ve betrayed me by not loving me. You’ve seen me at my best and worst. Yet, you never show me the support that I need. We share the same heart, the same mind and the same body and yet, you make me feel so bad about myself. I can’t win with you!
You can’t make me 20 pounds thinner, but is it so hard to give me a freakin’ smile every now and then?
Is it so hard for you to give me a thumbs up when I stop in the restaurant bathroom while I’m out with my skinner, more stylish friends?
It’s been a long time, but today, I’m getting all up in your face. We’ve got settle whatever is between us. This stops now. Today. We’re going stop blaming our issues on school bullies, skinny supermodels, unrealistic expectations or the cookies that we can’t stop eating.
This is between you and me.
Tell me, how do we patch things up between us?
I want to know that you are with me. When we look at each other, I want to look in your eyes and see that you’re on my side. I need you to stop giving me reason to criticize my face, hair, hips, breasts or arms and cheer for me instead. I want to look in your eyes and see that I am beautiful. I want to see that I am enough.
What will it take for you to do that?
Wait – are you saying something? Hold on…please whisper a little louder.
My friend, if you want me to love you, start with loving yourself. I’m just reflecting what’s going on inside of you.
The key to being friends with me is the show me what you want to see.
Do you want to see me smile? Then, you smile first.
Do you want to see me cheer for you? Then, you cheer first.
My beautiful friend, I’ll gladly follow your path, but you’ve got to learn how to lead the way.
TALK BACK TIME! What part of your body do you struggle with the most? Leave a comment below and share this post with your friends!
P.S. If you’re tired of hating the woman in the mirror, check out my Beautiful Already Bible study. Give God space to transform how you see yourself – inside AND out!
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by Barb Roose | Jan 28, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Barbie’s back with a new look and style. But will it make a difference?
As a kid, my friend knew never to call me “Barbie.” In fact, anyone who did call me by that horrible name got a push or a shove in reply. While I shared a similar name to the celebrated doll, I spent my childhood burdened by the fact that I didn’t look anything like the Barbie dolls I played with each day.
I’ve lived my life in the shadow of that manufactured creature known for her flawless perfection and radiant beauty. Little girls everywhere adored the 11 ½” plastic doll with an creamy white skin, anatomically impossible skinny waist, long blonde hair, freakishly long eye lashes and an enviable arched foot. With her perfect smile and innocent gaze, Barbie taunted me during my childhood.
As an adult, I know that just because I share a name with Barbie, that doesn’t mean that I should look like her. But, decades ago, that little brown-skinned me with pop-bottle glasses and two-large front teeth didn’t know any better. So, I would stare at my perfect, blond Barbie doll and feel less than.
On January 28 Mattel released a new line of Barbie’s with different body types and sizes. Which one would you choose? photo credit: mashable.com
During playtime, my cousins and I would dress our Barbie dolls in those luxurious, shiny gowns with the Velcro zippers and plastic stiletto heels. We dreamed that our superfly-looking dolls had high-paying jobs and lived in the palatial Barbie Mansion. Our Barbies did have Ken for a husband, but we didn’t actually have the money to buy Ken, so we always said that he was out of town.
Barbara, you don’t look like Barbie…
At some point while we played, one of the cousins or friends would point out the obvious: I didn’t look like Barbie, even though my name was Barbara. And I would nod my head and agree. I was a little, girl with a big name who didn’t look anything like the beautiful doll resting in her hand.
So, a particular narrative began to take shape in my little girl mind: “Since I don’t look like the pretty Barbie dolls, then I cannot be pretty. If I am not pretty, then I should not dream of all of the things that pretty little girls should dream about.”
For years, I pretended not to care about the fact that I wasn’t pretty because I didn’t look like those Barbie dolls. I decided to be smart instead. And I was. I wore my glasses and I made good grades.
But, I wanted to feel beautiful. Like Barbie.
Recently, Mattel announced the biggest change in Barbie’s 57-year history. After a half-century of predominately blond-hair, blue eye dolls, Barbie’s back…it might even be appropriate to say that in some cases, Barbie’s got back.
I found a Barbie that looked like me…not really, but she looks a lot more like me than my childhood Barbie’s ever did. photo credit: mashable.com
Now, Barbie will come with three different body types: petite, tall and curvy. Not only that, but curvy Barbie will truly be curvy with a little tummy in the front and a little junk in the trunk. And, when you see the side-by-side comparison of original Barbie and curvy Barbie, it’s shocking!
But, will it actually translate as a positive step to improving little girls’ self-image? What happens when a little girl has a skinny Barbie and a curvy Barbie, yet only has clothes for skinny Barbie? Mattel is actually setting up a call line to help parents navigate some of the new complexities of dressing curvy Barbie. Sometimes, her clothes don’t slide easily over her hips and thighs. Talk about art imitating life!
There are concerns that “curvy” Barbie might end up being branded as “fat” Barbie, creating some potentially awkward moments at Christmas or at birthday parties. Will a little girl want to receive curvy Barbie, even if she’s a curvy little girl? It will be interesting to see how parents and Mattel navigate this issue. Is it possible that for us to teach our kids how to do this even if we haven’t figure it out yet?
Yet, for all of the questions about the new line of Barbie dolls, I applaud Mattel for doing something! While previous generations of women sort through what I like to call our “Barbie baggage,” I’m thrilled that today’s young girls have a choice about the kind of Barbie they want to play and dream with each day.
As for me, I made peace with sharing Barbie’s name years ago. In fact, I’ve learned how to embrace it and have fun with it.
These days, my social media hastag is #TallbrownBarbie.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Do you think that the new curvy Barbie will be embraced by young girls? How would you talk with a little girl who prefers skinny or petite Barbie over curvy Barbie – or would you just let her figure it out?
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