by Barb Roose | Jul 31, 2018 | Women's Topics
It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m sitting at my departure gate at the Charlotte Airport, still hyped up by two glorious days at the She Speaks Conference hosted by Proverbs 31. Last summer I received an invitation to be a workshop presenter at this year’s conference. I loved attending as a participant in 2013 and 2014. Over the past twelve months, I prayed that God would use me to bless those ladies. On top of that She Speaks is a premier event, both highly respected and valued. I knew that teaching at the event would make the highlight reel of my career so far.
Little did I know that the 25 days before I left for the conference would be as P31 President Lysa TerKeurst characterized during her opening keynote message, “licking the floor of hell.”
Teaching at She Speaks Conference 2018 in the workshop “Keeping your J-O-B while launching your ministry.”
Figuring out how to start this post is tough, especially since the situation has been unfolding for many years and so much has happened just recently. I can’t really even point to a beginning, but by 2008 I realized that there might be an on-going problem. Back then, it was discussed. After, I figured that it was fixed. Then, a crisis in 2011, followed by a disaster in 2015. Now, this is just a season of on-going pain and loss.
It’s hard to figure out how to talk about something that you’re really not free to talk about…
If you come from a family that keeps white elephants as pets, you know what I mean. Over the past few years, I’ve tried to find ways to allude to what’s going on even though I couldn’t share the details. If you’ve read my Winning the Worry Battle book, there’s a low-key reference on page 14:
One of the scariest cliffhangers in my life has had me dangling by my fingertips on the edge for a few years. I wish I knew how or when it might end, but I don’t.
There’s another reference in the chapter titled, “Secret Weapon” on page 171:
Over the years, I’ve tried fasting periodically until a season of my life when my worry skyrocketed into the stratosphere. That new worry battle was either going to destroy me or create an opportunity for a new perspective on discipleship where I allowed God to reshape and remold me in a radical new way.”
Until recently, that was all that I could do. This might not be a big deal to you, but it has been painful for me. Integrity is at the top of my value list, along with authenticity and vulnerability. While our family and friends are fully aware of what’s been going on, it hasn’t been appropriate until now to talk about it in a public setting. In the past year, the gap between my ministry life and my actual life widened far past my comfort zone. I’ve felt the pain of that gap every single day. About 10 days ago I sensed a release from God to begin closing that gap.
But this means that I have to tell you the deepest, most painful place in my heart and life. It’s a raw, bleeding space with broken edges and dripping tears that I want to keep safe from criticism, gossip and well, nosy people. Telling my story opens up the possibility of more pain. But, as I learned last night when I spoke for the first time to a group of women at a Bible study at my church, maybe something good can happen. Like women who hugged my neck last night and whispered a low, “Thank you for sharing. This same situation happened to me.”
Here are words that I prayed for so long that I’d never have to say…
On July 1, I had to move myself and my two younger daughters out of our home and away from my husband of 26 years. I am the wife of a good man who struggles with a long-term alcohol addiction.
Family is a fabric. When someone we love begins to unravel, eventually we all fall apart. With a broken heart, I have to tell you that my family has fallen apart.
For the past 10 years, I’ve cried, plead, prayed, fasted, and begged God to rescue our family from a tool that Satan has been using to destroy someone that we deeply and dearly love.
If you grew up in a similar situation or lived in the pain of a marriage affected by this struggle, you know that every road is unique, but without recovery the end is the same – death. Without recovery, the destination of addiction spirals toward death, whether physical, relational, financial, or social, or a combination. We experienced some of this in our family, which led to the painful decision to separate.
While our family situation is complex, let me pause to emphasize three important things:
- My marriage and family are broken due to alcohol abuse, but there has never been a threat or instance of any physical or emotional abuse.
- I initiated the July separation as a last resort and in hope of future healing and restoration of our marriage and family.
- I am so grateful for recovery tools like Al-Anon as well as support from counseling, Bible study groups as well as our family and friends. I’ve used these tools and praise God for them! If you can relate to my story, I want to encourage you to jump into one of these recovery tools.
Clearly, there’s more talk about. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to talk about a few tough questions that I’ve wrestled through over the years. I’ll talk more about the mistakes that I’ve made, what God has taught me and most of all, examples of God’s favor and faithfulness even in the midst of our messy situation.
Words of life…
For the past year, there is a verse that has been central to my life and my soul survival. I think that now that you know a little more about my story, perhaps the following words that God spoke to a man named Joshua as he stood looking across the Jordan might look a little different to you. These words have bought great hope to my heart over the past year:
“This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9 NLT
As I wrote the Joshua Bible study, I clung to these words last summer. God has taught me so much over the past 10 years about walking by faith in uncertainty. Perhaps this is why this Joshua study is so precious to me.
I understand what it’s like to stand on the edge of unknown challenges and know that I’m going to have to fight for my life. I know what it’s like to face giant problems and solid walls that I can’t take down on my own. But, most importantly, over these many years, I’ve experienced the strength, courage and peace that comes when I remember that God is with me and for me in every circumstance, real or imagined. I learned that I can cry and carry a sword at the same time. I can wipe tears and still fight like a warrior.
Without a doubt, I know is that God taking care of each person in my family, even though He has allowed the heartache that we’re all experiencing.
God has given me the strength and courage to keep going in a year that I’ve lost my dad, my father-in-law, my husband (for now), and my home (for now). God’s strength and courage is the source of fuel for my soul. It has to be. There’s not a chance that I could have survived this year without God holding me tight. Not a chance. Too much has happened. Much more than I could handle on my own.
I might be brokenhearted, but I’m not beaten down.
Even though I’m hurting, I am filled with hope.
I believe in a God that can make all things new, even when all seems lost.
I know that God is faithful and able – whether He heals my marriage or He heals me.
I trust in God to deliver on His promises.
Thanks,
P.S. If you live in my community or go to my church, please be cool around my kids. They’ve been through a lot. They didn’t ask for a mom who works in public ministry and they are part of the reason why I’ve kept things private because it’s been tough. Please understand that they won’t feel comfortable talking about this at church or the grocery story – even if you have the best intentions. A simple smile or a quick “Praying for your family” will be welcomed and appreciated or you can email encouragement to barb@barbroose.com.
Your prayers for my family and other families like mine are welcome. If you are walking a similar road, I’d love to pray for you. In fact, if there is anything in your life that is stressing you out during the day or keeping you up at night, I’d love to pray for you. Click here to share your prayer request. When I pray for others, it helps me to stay others-centered and not get focused on myself.
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by Barb Roose | Jan 15, 2017 | Better Together Podcast
Are you tired of watching people fight with each other? Do you get discouraged when you see Christians unfriending each other, not just on social media, but in families and friendships?
If so, then you’ll be encouraged by today’s podcast. I’m sitting down for an important conversation with Bible study teacher and author, Melissa Spoelstra for a kingdom conversation on the Bible teaches Christians to handle disagreement. She recently released a Bible study on the book of 1 Corinthians, a New Testament letter written to church leaders trying to deal with the fighting and drama in their churches. Sound familiar?
Melissa is the author of the Bible study, 1 Corinthians: Living Love When We Disagree. This is such a well-timed topic for our culture today, especially for Christians.
How do we love each other even though we don’t share the same perspective or convictions? We do know this: That when Christians disagree poorly, the gospel message gets lost and lost people stay lost without that message of hope. Friends, we’ve got to change this!
In today’s podcast, Melissa shares powerful content on living love by sharing:
- How Jesus proposed instead of imposed himself on others;
- How we establish middle ground or common ground when we’re in the midst of a disagreement;
- How Paul’s counsel to the leaders of the Corinthian church provides encourage and practical advice for us to apply to our lives today.
Find out more about Melissa’s book and Bible studies by clicking here.
About Melissa…
Melissa Spoelstra is a popular women’s conference speaker, Bible teacher, and writer who is madly in love with Jesus and passionate about helping women of all ages to seek Christ and know Him more intimately through serious Bible study. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Bible Theology and enjoys teaching God’s Word to diverse groups and churches within the body of Christ.
She is the author of the First Corinthians: Living Love When We Disagree, Joseph: The Journey to Forgiveness, Jeremiah: Daring to Hope in an Unstable World Bible studies, and Total Family Makeover: 8 Steps to Making Disciples at Home book. She lives in Dublin, Ohio, with her pastor husband and four kids.
Find her on Twitter @melspoelstra and Instagram @daring2hope, and follow her blog at MelissaSpoelstra.com.
by Barb Roose | Oct 30, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
This is an open letter written to any woman who has eagerly followed popular Christian speakers and authors…
Ladies, please get those women off of your spiritual pedestals!
In the past 72 hours, the fallout from Jen Hatmaker’s positional shift on a few theological areas has created a spiritual Chernobyl nuclear meltdown in the evangelical community.
I think that this mass meltdown creates a great opportunity for a long overdue discussion. If you haven’t read Hatmaker’s article, you can click here.
It’s time to talk about the rockstar culture that WE – like you and me – have created. We have put women like Hatmaker, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and others on pedestals and worshiped at the feet of their blogs, Facebook posts, conferences, and events. We’ve waited in hour-long line for three-second selfies that we post and hope that every single one of our Christian girlfriends will see and envy. In full disclosure, I’m sitting in my office next to a large collage of photos of myself with a few of those women, so I’ve had my fan girl moments as well.
Here’s the ugly truth, friends: Our favorite speakers and authors did not ask to be put on our pedestals. We did that. They said “yes” to the using the gift God gave them and bless their hearts, they’ve done their jobs well. It’s us who began to exalt them for it.
Looking for some clues about whether or not you may have your favorite Christian women’s speaker or author on a pedestal?
- Do your thoughts sound more like your favorite Bible teacher or Jesus?
- How much instruction or advice flowing from your words comes from the Bible or from the latest book that you read by your favorite author?
- Do you choose your Bible studies based on who’s hot out there or the stubborn places where you need to surrender your heart to God?
Yes, these are hard questions, but we need to be honest about our complicity in this situation. Friends, point your finger at Hatmaker if you’d like, but pay heed to the other four fingers pointing back at you.
Somewhere along the line, our community decided that a certain category of women speakers and authors were more valuable than the Jesus-loving women who tirelessly serve in their children’s ministry for hospitality team every single weekend at church. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the Bible speak against that very thing?
People don’t belong on pedestals. Not even our favorite ones.
Friends, I so appreciate how Jen Hatmaker adds humor, richness and spark to our lives. Once, she liked one of my tweets and I think that I tweeted about that. But y’all, she is still a human, just like us. I never placed Hatmaker on any type of pedestal, so her theological shift doesn’t have a direct impact on my life. Am I curious about the details surrounding her spiritual journey? Not anymore than anyone else. Why? Because her spiritual beliefs aren’t a pillar supporting mine.
The nasty little problem with putting someone on a pedestal is that they never stay put. Hatmaker has wiggled off a number of your pedestals much to your dismay. You loved her because you felt that she was just like you and now she’s not. So, you’re throwing social media tantrums filled with unkind words and ugly comments.
Why is it is so easy for us to assassinate those that we once adored? Are those character-killing bullets about us or them?
For those standing up in righteous anger, I know that you are trying to stand for Jesus against a woman that you no longer feel is part of the team. But, is this the battle that Jesus has called you to fight or does this battle belong to the Lord? Every single one of our favorite speakers and authors is accountable to God for her faith and works. Voice your concerns and ask your questions, but give them the same love and respect that shows us as disciples of Christ. In Contrary to popular belief, these women are not ultimately accountable to us, even if we bought their books, subscribed to their blog or attended their events.
Even though she isn’t accountable to us, Hatmaker knew that the fur would fly. You see, when a person reveals his or her calling to teach or preach the gospel, a wise old pastor flips open the Bible and reads this verse from James 3:1: “Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly.”
If you choose to become a Christian teacher, author, preacher or speaker, you live with a target on your back. And beware because Christians love to shoot their own.
As a Bible teacher, I am aware of the responsibility that comes with the influence that God has given to me. Anyone who aspires to teach God’s word must be uber-conscious of what comes out of our mouths because we are accountable to God, but also because our words and actions can bring harsh reactions from others.
If you are unhappy with Hatmaker’s position…
The good news is that you get to adjust her influence in your life. Screaming, yelling, judging or snarking just proves once again that Christians know how to shoot down their own. You’ve still got the choice if you want to buy her books, subscribe to her blog or attend her events. You cannot, however, make her change her mind or apologize to you for shifting her position. Have we not learned this year from the current election cycle? Com’on people!
What’s the takeaway for you? Here’s what I’d like to offer:
First, live it out in over speaking it out. Hatmaker’s current theological position isn’t your responsibility and speaking out on social media isn’t the litmus test for standing for or against something. Anyone who really truly wants to stand for righteousness needs to do more than just post or comment about it. After you’re done making your public statements, then get back to the business of what God has called you to do and how He has called you to live. Stay in your life’s lane.
Second, be wise. Flip open James 3 again and pray for the wisdom that comes from God to decide on the level of influence you choose to give Hatmaker or any author. You are in charge of who you allow to influence or encourage your life, so pray and ask God, – not your girlfriends – to help you make a decision.
Third, keep doing Bible studies. It’s crucial to talk with each other over matters of faith, personal and social issues, just make sure to invite God’s truth into the dialogue. My preference is that the more controversial the issue, the closer in proximity you should be during the discussion. You should be doing Bible studies on sanctity of life, God and government, Christ-centered identity, sexuality and other hot button issues. Goodness, we have so many great studies available to us! I love that we can circle up together and open God’s Word along with gifted teachers who encourage us along the way. Just be careful to choose the studies that bring God’s focus to your fuzziness and not just pick someone whose popular.
Finally, as a speaker and author, I can tell you firsthand what a privilege it is to write and share what God has given to me. I can also tell you that I have to work out my faith just like you every single day. Just ask my hubby and my kids. So, I never, ever want a woman to believe that I’ve got my life more together than her just because I have a few books on a bookstore shelf or because I stand on a stage to speak. I’m a flawed, but deeply loved human who needs to surrender to a holy God every day of my life. If you want to show your appreciation, let your authors/speakers know how God has transformed your life through their work.
Friends, I hope that we can redeem this mess and let it be an important and lasting warning to get the stars out of our eyes so we can keep our adoration on God alone.
*NEW* YOU CAN COMMENT HERE AND YOUR RESPONSE WILL SYNC WITH FACEBOOK, SO TELL US WHAT YOU THINK: In what ways have we’ve created a rockstar culture in the Christian community? How do we appreciate our well-known Bible teachers and authors without putting them on pedestals?
by Barb Roose | Oct 28, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I don’t know about you, but sometimes it can be tough for me to distinguish between my need for food and my desire to eat.
Without being critical of my body size, I’m fairly certain that quite a bit of what I consume isn’t related to my biological need for food.
A couple of years ago, my friend Jera made a pecan pie for me. I love pecan pie! I took that pie into my house and set it on the counter. While I wasn’t physically hungry, that pie started to look really good to me. In fact, I could hear that pie talking to me. Seriously, it was! It said, “Barb I’m over here. It’s so lonely over here. I think I’d like to be in your tummy more than I’d like to be sitting on this counter.”
Have you ever had food speak to you like that?
I tried not to listen to that pie, but it kept talking! The only way for me to quiet the pie was for me to eat it.
So I did.
I ate the ENTIRE pie in one afternoon.
Are you horrified? Trust me, I was – especially since I wasn’t event hungry. So what happened? My appetite, that’s what happened!
God created our bodies to need food. However, God gave us appetites as well. In addition to an appetite for food, we are born with an appetite for love, acceptance, satisfaction, achievement, and connection. Think about those things you long for every day, such as someone to love, acceptance by others, or a deep sense of connection. Each of those things represents a craving or an appetite.
Here’s the most important part: How you manage your desire for love, acceptance, security or connection determines whether you are controlling your appetite or your appetite is controlling you.
As women, this concept is critical because we always have unfulfilled appetites; and when our craving for love, acceptance or connection goes unfulfilled, we often turn to food in order to temporarily satisfy that unmet need. Does the term, “comfort food,” sound familiar?
How often do we toss into that void a half dozen cookies or a carton of ice cream? One of my favorite quotes is from character Lavon Hayes from the tv show, Hart of Dixie. After his girlfriend breaks up with him, Lavon shows up on his friend’s doorstep with a big of donuts and says, “Help me eat my feelings.”
In the Old Testament, Esau was a man with the ability to hunt his own food, but he struggled with an unidentified hunger. Maybe he wanted approval from his father or he was jealous of his brother – we don’t know. Something deep inside of him was hollow and empty enough to feel like hunger. Esau’s sneaky twin, Jacob took advantage his hunger and Esau ended up trading away his future.
How often do you eat when you feel lonely, angry, tired or sad? What are the foods that you pick up and have difficulty putting down when you are hurting?
If you get the chance, check out Matthew 4:1-11. It’s the story of Jesus’ temptation in the dessert, I mean desert. Why did God lead Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the devil anyways? It was because God wanted us to see how the power of God living within can overcome our human desires that can get out of control.
How do we deal with our hunger for love, acceptance, security, satisfaction or connection? In my Beautiful Already Bible Study, we talk about the tools that we can use to surrender our hunger to Christ and allow Him to fill us. Why? Because only Jesus satisfies!
If you struggle with emotional eating and want God to work in this area of your life, I’ve developed a HALT Food Diary. HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. These are often to triggers for binge eating. Click here to access a copy. Print it and tuck it into your purse. Keep track of what you eat for the next few days and make circle the emotions that you were feeling while eating. Once a day, talk with God about your eating habits and your unmet deep needs.
Give your unmet desires to God instead of giving in out of frustration to food. Let God fill you up!
SHARE A COMMENT WITH US: What’s your go-to comfort food? Are you more likely to eat it when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or all of the above?
by Barb Roose | Oct 27, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I woke up this morning and realized that I have only 10 DAYS until my video debut in Nashville. A few months ago, I announced my new project, a six-week Bible study titled, “Beautiful Already.” This new project would include a companion DVD featuring me. Okay, so that previous sentence = mind blown. Honestly, life has kept me so busy this year that the reality of filming hasn’t sunk in until, well, basically this morning.
As I was standing in the bathroom, about two minutes ago, I might have started to freak out. Not much. Just a smidge. A little.
You’re no Beth Moore.
You’ll be fine. Pretend you’re Priscilla Shirer…
Priscilla Shirer is amazing! But, you can’t copy her, you’ve got to be you!
Is being me good enough?
Just a little freak out, right?
When I start freaking out about stuff, I like to capture my thoughts. As an added bonus, I’ve snookered you into reading some of those wacky, nerve-wrecked thoughts. I’m writing a bunch in order to capture my life over next 10 days. If anything, It’s a good idea to have a chronology of events in case I have an epic meltdown and someone needs to reconstruct the timeline…or accident scene.
Here’s two things that you should know about where my brain is that today…
Exhibit A: my flat iron
I was not kidding when I told you that I wrote this post in the bathroom this morning while doing my hair. I dictated while Siri typed…but I had to fix her typos. Blame her if I missed one. And yes, I’m kinda sideways in the picture. #thestrugglecontinues
I’m not a sophisticated thinker in the morning, but as I’m curling my hair this morning, I’ve had an epiphany: Filming a DVD is kind of big deal. No brag. Just a reality check.
Seriously, I’m not bragging. I just haven’t absorbed my soon-to-be reality. I’ve thought about all of the prep work. I’ve thought about what I will wear. I’ve poured hours into research and content. But, I haven’t thought about the road that I’ve traveled to this experience or celebrated that this opportunity has come my way.
Yes, these thoughts should have occurred to me earlier. However, it’s been a year filled with lots of changes, transitions, celebrations and tears, so much thinking about so many things. The DVD has been in the background of my life, looming, but not acknowledged nearly enough.
So, as I curl my hair this morning, I’m getting little excited (which is dangerous when one is holding a hot styling tool). I’M FILMING A DVD, Y’ALL! And since it’s not a workout DVD, I can still eat. However, I’m thinking about that big ‘ole camera and hoping that it makes me look 10 pounds thinner, rather then heavier.
I’m so excited about the opportunity to share with women about how much God loves them, about how we can support each other better, and important messages that we need to know about loving ourselves. I can’t wait to see what God does when this study is released next March!
While I’m doing my hair, I’m also experiencing a twinge of sadness. Now that I’m in the heavy preparation phase, it doesn’t leave a lot of time for celebrating this life-event. It’s go-time and I’m a go-girl – which is usually my problem. Go-girls don’t celebrate life well. #workingonthat
(Goodness, the things I think about when I’m holding a flat iron! So, take a moment to tuck this tidbit away: If you ever want Barb to do deep-thinking, put a styling tool in her hand.)
Exhibit B: #thatshoetho’
These shoes are amazing if you are standing or sitting. Not so much fun if you must walk for hours on end or hitchhike across the country.
These are my favorite pairs of shoes. I love them. Not as much as I love God, my husband or kids, but I totally love these shoes. They’re amazing, right! When I am 90 years old, God willing, I’ll be wearing these shoes! Even if I’m sitting in a wheelchair and these shoes have to be duct taped to my old, arthritic feet, I will keep wearing them.
Believe it or not, these shoes cost about $6.00. I know, right?!!! Four years ago, my dear friend, Lisa gave me a $50 gift card for my birthday. The shoes were $49.99 + tax and that wonderful gift card made those shoes truly a gift! After months of searching, I found these pretties the day before I left town for a speaking engagement with the fabulous Nicole Johnson. I was a special guest speaker for her “Seasons Weekend” experience and I wanted to have a crazy, amazing pair of shoes to wear. So, in true Barb-fashion, I discovered these beauties sitting on the rack just whispering my name. How do I know that they were whispering my name? I wear a size 11. There’s only a few big-feet names those shoes could call and I choose to believe that they called for me.
These shoes have been a part of some of the best moments of my life in the last four years. So, they will be one of the most important items in my suitcase. These shoes are an enduring symbol of how God has dropped unexpected joy, pizzazz and opportunity into my life, even as the circumstances around me didn’t always make sense. I’m looking forward to the moment before the cameras roll when I can look down at my feet and remember a gracious, faithful God who will be right beside me as I speak.
YIKES!!!
So, it’s time for me to get out of the bathroom and get dressed. And frankly, I need to stop typing because trying to flat iron my hair and write this post at the same time is really a dumb idea. Siri did a lot of the dictation, but she’s REALLY bad with the typos.
So, with 10 days before next week’s shoot, I’m going to do my best to celebrate this moment in my life. Today, I’m going to enjoy the new fluttering butterflies in my tummy. I am going to embrace the annoying insecurities that come along with this new experience on the horizon. I hope that I do a great job. I’m praying that God works in me and through me.
And most of all, today, I’m going to smile.
I’M FILMING A DVD NEXT WEEK, Y’ALL!
Thanks for sharing in the journey with me!
Join me! If you’d like to be in the studio audience, I would love to look out and see your smiling face. CLICK HERE for more information to sign up for studio audience!
By the way, my new project, “Beautiful Already” is already available for pre-order on Amazon! If you’re a part of a women’s Bible study group, check it out! Click here for more info!
Coming in March 2016!
