“Mom, meet us here at open mic night and we’ll leave for dinner.”

Turns out “open mic night” was code for MY SURPRISE 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY planned by my beautiful sister, Tonya and my three wonderful kids on Friday night.

Well, my beautiful surprise party was scheduled to begin at 5:30pm...

But, at 5:30pm, I was at home in my bed asleep with a WHOLE hair bonnet on my head. For the record, when a black woman puts a bonnet on her head and climbs in the bed, she is communicating: "I'm out and leave me alone."

Therefore, when I arrived 45 minutes late to my party and heard everyone yelling "SURPRISE," I was still waking up and totally confused. Here's a video that captured the moment - ha!

So, earlier that day...

Friday was a blazing, ninety-five degree day at the zoo with my sister, Tonya, my kids, Abbie, Kai and Cass, our friend Heather and her baby, Hiro. (If you follow me on social media, you know that nine-month old baby Hiro has been battling cancer for the past four months. His family would appreciate your prayers.) Behind my smile and sunglasses, I was hiding a pretty broken heart...

(On Wednesday, my relationship ended with someone who was very special to me. He's a wonderful man. Sometimes, the outcome doesn't shape up as we'd hoped, no matter how badly we want it, right? Monday was my third post-divorce, non-anniversary. July 18 would have been 30 years, so I still need to do forgiveness and grief work on that day each year. While it wasn't the end of the world, I was having a really rough few days.)

However, I was fiercely committed to making the best of my birthday weekend since my sister and all of kids were in town. Still, sad tears periodically leaked from my eyes from time to time. During a low moment on Friday morning, I whispered to my youngest, Abbie: “I’m really glad that I didn’t plan a party for my birthday.”

Later, Abbie told me that she panicked because my surprise party had the planned for months. But, at the zoo, she didn't give anything away. Abbie just gave me a hug and then snuck away to snapchat a SOS to her siblings: Mom's a mess, guys...

I was hot, sweaty and drained by the end of the trip. Back when my kids were growing up, we had a saying in our house: Sometimes, the best way to make a bad day go away is to take a nap.

So, when we returned home, I put my bonnet on and climbed in my bed...at 3:30pm.

About 5:40pm, my sweet sister coaxed me awake from my really great nap. She remineded me that we needed to meet the kids downtown for dinner. I was just going to comb my hair and leave, but she smiled and suggested: "Hey, you should probably change from those sweaty zoo clothes. The kids might make this your birthday dinner."

That should have been a big clue, but sleepy-head me missed it.

When we rolled up to the coffee shop at 6:15pm, my oldest Kai was waiting out front. For someone who didn't care about open mic night, Kai hustled me inside. That should have been another clue. Missed that one, too.

Turns out, a surprise party with loved ones is what I needed!

I had no idea that everyone around me had been planning for months. My sister, Tonya, was just like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain managing dozens of details on a secret Facebook page. She and my Abbie coordinated all of the "who-is-doing-and-bringing-what" with friends and family. My heart was so touched when I found all the ways that everyone brought their loving touches to my special day. Makes me want to cry every time that I think about it.

During the party, everywhere my eyes landed in the room, I saw love, beauty, and connection.

Whether I visited with loved ones or took in the beautiful food and decorations, my tender heart savored it all, especially when I think about all of the sacrifices that everyone made to be a part of my speical day. 

Here's a picture of my family that we took at the end of the evening.

After the party was over, we had a huge laugh over all of the ways that I TOTALLY missed that they were planning a party. Even in the parking lot, I hopped out of the car and said, “Oh, that minivan looks just like my friend, Lauren’s.” My sister thought that I figured it out…still nope. Ha!

Having a 50th surpise party was wonderful! It was also a reminder to me that God doesn’t always give me what I want, but He always, always knows exactly what I need. On Wednesday, I was texting with friends after my breakup and the last line I wrote went like this: “Somehow God will make it okay. He always does.”

He totally did.

P.S. Today is my sister Tonya's birthday! Could you wish her a “Happy Birthday, Tonya” in the comments - add an emoji, too!

When life feels uncertain and we can't trace the hand of God in the middle of our trying circumstances, it can be easy to wonder if He's really there walking alongside us.

In today's conversation we have the privilege of hearing from special guests, Amy Carroll and Lynn Cowell, about their new Bible study, Esther: Seeing Our Invisible God in an Uncertain World. In this conversation, you will be encouraged with the reminder that God is always active, working out His bigger and better plan, even when we can't always see it in the moment.

ALSO! I had the honor of writing an endorsement for Lynn and Amy's Esther study - it's amazing. Here's my endorsement:

As a Bible teacher and lover of Esther's miraculous story, I thought that I knew everything about the book of Esther. Wrong! Amy and Lynn's new study provides fresh spiritual insights as well as humbly and lovingly raising the bar on Spirit-led personal application and spiritual challenge. Personally, I loved experiening fascinating new "a-ha" moments everyday of this study!

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

estherbookstudy.com

amycarroll.org

lynncowell.com

Esther: Seeing Our Invisible God in an Uncertain World

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUESTS

Check out this episode!

amberlyneese.com

The Belonging Project: Finding Your Tribe and Learning to Thrive

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

This week, I was reflecting on the Old Testament story of Ruth and Naomi. Most of us know that Naomi tried to push her daughter-in-laws, Ruth and Orpah, to leave her and return to their families. Have you ever considered why?

The answer to that question strikes an eerie familiarity to what I’ve seen happen with Christian women over and over again when awkward or embarrassing situations pop up in their lives or their families.

For Naomi, moving back home to Bethlehem would have been tricky if Ruth and Orpah came with her. Naomi knew that there would have been hometown whispers that her sons broke God’s law by marrying Moabite women (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). Additionally, she may not have wanted to explain why years ago her husband moved their family away to a pagan land instead of staying and trusting God to take care of them.

Perhaps, you can relate to Naomi. You’ve done your best to be or at least look like a good Christian family. Then, something awkward or embarrassing happened.

Maybe your spouse stopped going to church, you declared bankruptcy, one of your unmarried kids got pregnant (or got someone else pregnant), experienced adultery or pornography crisis, went through a divorce or your  kids are rebelling in a big way.

If this is you, are you avoiding your Bible study group, pastor or Christian friends (even though you may not want to admit that)?

When I speak at women’s conferences, I share snippets of my story so that women know that my life isn’t perfect. Afterward, far too many women come to whisper to me something that they are ashamed or embarrassed about. These days, a lot of women who are dealing with pornography in their marriages or a child that has come out as LGBTQ. Here’s what far too many say to me: “Barb, I haven’t admitted this to anyone at my church.”

Yes, we do need to get better about being safe, trusted voices for those who are struggling. At the same time, I know that many of you are avoiding or pushing away trusted Christian friends because you’re too embarrassed to speak up.

I remember season of my own life when I pushed away good Christian friends, like Naomi tried to push away Ruth. I didn’t want anyone to get too close and discover the truth about what was going on. I was worried that other Christians would question whether I’d prayed enough or if God was punishing me. Of course, I didn’t want other Christians to think badly of my loved ones or me.

If I had to identify what help me move from the space of secrecy and shame to greater faith and freedom, it was the unconditional love and presence of trusted friends.

Even though Naomi didn’t want to take Ruth back to Bethlehem for fear that Naomi’s friends would find out that her sons broke God’s command, Ruth refused to be pushed away. Here is her well-known response to Naomi:

“But Ruth replied: Don’t plead with me to abandon you or to return and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me, and do so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”

Ruth 1:16-17 CSB

 When I reflect on Ruth’s response to Naomi, here are four lessons for us:

1. When trusted Godly people are in your path, move closer, don't push them away.

Moving close means that you're willing to take off your "Good Christian" mask and be real about your life - BUT that doesn't mean that you have to share all of the details. Pray for discernment around what to share and when.

2. Invite trusted friends to share in your celebrations AND struggles.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reminds us that when we have others to rely on, their presence is one of the ways that God strengthens us.

3. Pray for spiritual sisters to make the tough journey of life with you.

If you are lacking spiritual sisters in your life, pray for them. Then, step out in faith and put yourself out there to establish new friends. God will fulfill His promise, but you’ve got to do your part.

4. Don’t allow your fears, insecurities or the enemy to plant seeds of fear or insecurity in your heart about your friendships.

If you’ve been hurt or betrayed by another friend, I’m so, so sorry. At the same time, I want to remind you that it was one person who betrayed you and there are lots of trustworthy Jesus-loving women out there. Go slow and build trust over time, but don’t give into fear and give up on finding those Jesus-loving sisters that you need.

Could it be that Ruth’s faithfulness is what overcame Naomi’s fear?

We don’t know why Naomi acquiesced. However, Naomi’s courage changed the trajectory of her life and legacy. She took Ruth with her back to Bethlehem and God blessed Naomi in so many ways!

For me, the reminder is to not push away faithful and trusted friends because I’m embarrassed or afraid.

QUESTION: As you reflect on Naomi’s situation, when do you avoid or push away your Christian friends? If you've learned how to lean into your trusted Christian friends when life is awkward or embarassing, how has this blessed you?

After serving as a pastor for 20 years, Mark Savage hit a crisis point in his own life. Festering childhood wounds combined with the stresses of marriage and life erupted in Mark's life like a devastating tornado. There was a season where Mark turned his back on God, left his wife and five childen and he nearly self-destructed.

After a dark year, Mark experienced his own resurrection on an Easter Sunday twelve years ago. He stopped fighting with God and began to climb out of the hole of his own making. Now, Mark helps others do the same. 

In this new episode of The Better Together Podcast, I'm thrilled to talk with my friend Mark Savage as he shares about 5 things that a struggling husband wished that his wife knew. Mark and his wife, Jill Savage (one of my favorite people!), speak internationally, and around the country. They also host marriage intensives in their home, helping couples in every stage of married life.

Mark Make sure to tell your girlfriends to check out this interview!

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

www.markandjill.org

No More Perfect Marriages by Mark and Jill Savage

Courses:

No More Perfect Marriages: Home Edition

The Wait is Not Wasted

Rebuilding Trust

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Check out this episode!

Two Hundred Tuesdays by Dianne Derby

Connect with Dianne on Facebook!

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

As mental health awareness month continues, I’m talking about the four types of worriers from my Winning the Worry Battle book.

• Silent Sufferer

• Busy Body

• Control Freak

• Mother Hen

After discussing about the four types of worriers, I’ll teach you one of the most effective faith-based tools that I created years ago and I still use today. It’s simple and easy, so you can use it, too. In fact, you can download a notecard that you can use with the tool right by clicking here.

Now Available on Audiobook!

Hi friends!

I’m changing this up this week! Since it’s May and mental health awareness month, I’m sharing a little of my journey with anxiety as well as teaching YOU my popular C.A.L.M. technique. As I was studying the first chapter of Joshua, this verse inspired me to create this powerful technique.

I don’t know what’s happening in your life today, but read this verse and imagine God speaking it over you and what you’re facing today:

No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you... I will not fail you or abandon you. -Joshua 1:5 NLT

Can you choose to believe God for this today? When you’re tempted to doubt, come back to this verse and say, “God, I will believe You are for me!”

This verse impacted me so much that I created the C.A.L.M technique, which I’ve taught this to tens of thousands of people. It effectively equips you to reduce your painful anxiety symptoms so that you can think more clearly AND most importantly, reconnect with God!  

Where is God in the middle of our suffering? How can we come to grips with the goodness of God when so much in life just doesn't seem to make sense?

Join Barb on this new episode of The Better Together Podcast as she speaks with special guest Alexandra V. Hoover. From poverty to abuse to abandonment, Alexandra knows what it looks like to walk through suffering that she just couldn't come to grips with as a young Latina. It was not until she took the time to look back and trace the hand of God in her life that she was able to begin receiving the healing that she desperately needed. And now she wants to help you do the same. This is a powerful conversation that will speak to your heart and remind you of the goodness of God in your past and in your present.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Eyes Up: How to Trust God's Heart by Tracing His Hand 

alexandravhoover.com

Instagram: @alexandravhoover

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Alexandra V. Hoover is a wife, mother of three, daughter, sought-out speaker, and writer. She's passionate about communicating the gospel's beauty and hope, whether through writing or speaking, online or in person. Her words spur people on to hope, healing, and their mission. She has the privilege of serving on staff at Transformation Church and spends her days loving on her family, dancing with her kids, and living on mission right where God has her.
Check out this episode!

Have you ever heard the story about my grandmother Magnolia’s blue eyebrows? It’s one of my FAVORITE stories ever! There’s a video below where I share that hysterical story! But, in honor of Mother’s Day, I’d like to tell you another story about Grandma Magnolia. Her painful circumstances and radical step of forgiveness not only changed me, but in many ways, saved my life.

My grandparents had a toxic relationship filled with shortcomings on both sides, including my grandfather’s long-term infidelity and my grandmother’s not-so-calm reaction to it. Back then, everyone on the black side of my little hometown knew what was going on, and it was traumatic for everyone involved, especially my mom and aunts. My grandparents divorced just before I was born, but the wake of the affair and divorce sent my grandma into what we’d now call a mental health crisis that destroyed her physical health.

Most of my early memories of Grandma include visiting her in the hospital. She suffered from bleeding ulcers and a myriad of physical issues that were likely connected to her emotional distress. She also waged a quiet, real prescription drug addiction to cope with her pain.

In time, things began to change. It began with Grandma changing first. Grandma was a Christian, but there was a renewal of her decision of follow Jesus. Part of that decision included let go of her anger and bitterness toward my grandfather. That decision would change the trajectory of all of her family’s lives.

One day after school when I was ten years old, I visited Grandma. I soon realized that my grandfather, her ex-husband, was resting in her bedroom. I generally only saw my grandfather on holidays, even though we lived in the same small town. He’d had hip replacement surgery and had nowhere to go.  Grandma took him in and cared for him while he recovered. At the time, Grandma and my aunts lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Granddaddy stayed in Grandma’s room, and she moved in with my aunts.

After Grandma nursed Granddaddy back to health, he began to appear in our lives more often. He’d visit my home a few times a week and showed up at family gatherings. Not only did I get a chance to get to know my grandfather, but over the years, I saw my grandfather change, too. In my adult years, I overheard my grandfather quietly ask my mom and aunts if my grandmother needed anything. He slipped them funds to help Grandma with car repairs or to buy something nice for her birthday. While the past still reared its ugly head at times, forgiveness helped to hold our family together until we could find a bridge through the pain and move forward together again.

Within days of my grandfather passing away many years later, my grandmother told me: “Barbara, the single most important decision that I’ve ever made in my life was to forgive your grandfather.”

My grandmother passed away in January 2009 from pancreatic cancer. The church was filled with people who came out to honor her. This 75-year-old woman was well-known because she loved everyone so well. You’d never know that Grandma had survived two divorces, rape, racism, infidelity, a prescription drug addiction and more. All anyone saw was the love of Jesus that shone through her life.

Many years later, my grandmother’s example saved my life. As I went through long seasons of pain and the life I’d planned ripped away from me, I remembered how forgiveness healed my grandmother’s heart from bitterness and pain. I remembered how her forgiveness shaped the future of our family. As I remembered her words and wisdom on forgiveness years after her death, Grandma's example inspired me to trust God and let go of my anger rather than risk my emotional and spiritual health in the poison of unforgiveness. I can see how forgiveness was part of God’s healing plan for me.

Just to be clear:

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting.

Forgiveness isn’t ignoring or denying what happened.

Forgiveness definitely isn’t remaining passively  in harm’s way.

But as I write in my Surrendered Devotional,

“As much as we know that we should forgive, the barrier to our forgiveness is pain. Our painful memories scream ‘They should have to pay for this!’ Yet, Jesus shows us how we can forgive, even in the midst of our pain so that we can experience God’s healing and restoration in our lives.

 In Luke 23:34, Jesus says, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

 Did you get that? Jesus forgave out of his pain. Jesus didn’t wait until after He was resurrected and pain-free. He extended forgiveness as the blood flowed from the crow of thorns atop His head and the spikes that split his skin. Most remarkably, Jesus forgave even though the people weren’t even sorry.”

In this season of Mother’s Day, chances are there are a lot of wounds that either ooze or reopen as we deal with the memories of the past or the circumstances of the present. I see you today if you’re dreading this Sunday’s holiday. You aren’t alone. I wanted to share my grandmother’s story in hopes that if you are on a forgiveness journey, or you’re considering it, forgiveness is a step that you’re never regret. In many ways, forgiveness is a form of surrender because you’re trusting God will make right more than you’ve been wronged.

COMMENT: Is there a Mother’s Day-related situation that needs your forgiveness? What’s hard about forgiveness for you right now? If you have forgiven, how has that blessed you or brought healing into your life?