by Barb Roose | Nov 7, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
I struggle with patience. Not as much as I used to, but it stays on the top five of things I need to work on. So, I totally related to a hysterical video that I saw at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta last month. It’s called the “Marshmallow Experiment” on YouTube and has over two million hits. You can watch it below.
This video features school-aged kids who were given a marshmallow and told that if they waited patiently and didn’t eat the one marshmallow, they would receive another when the adult came back into the room. Sounds easy? Not so much.
As soon as the adult left the room, the great struggle began. It wasn’t long before kids abandoned their sedate, calm postures and got all handsy. I giggled while watching these school-aged kids sniff, roll, poke or lick those cylinders of sugary goodness. They kept a guilty eye on the door because of fear of getting caught. But fear didn’t stop a few of those kids from giving up the wait and shoving those fluffy puffs into their mouths.
After watching the video, I wondered what would happen if I switched places with those kids. Marshmallows wouldn’t thrill me, but brownies would. What would happen if I was placed in front of a dozen chocolate peanut butter brownies with chocolate ganache topping and told not to eat them for 60 minutes? What if those brownies looked like this:
Oh My! Photo from sixsistersstuff.com
Could I sit in front that tray for 60 minutes and not touch, sniff or poke them? I think so. (But, if you and I ever sit in front to a platter of brownies together, you should know that I probably licked the tops of them before you sat down. #dibs)
While I would not eat the brownies, I’d spend those 60 minutes feeling the pressure that the intense wanting applied to my waiting. I would bareknuckle my waiting until I came up with a guilt-free, Holy-Spirit approved way to eat a few of those brownies before the clock expired. And if I wasn’t able to think of anything, I would blow on those brownies until a few cocoa-laced crumbs accidently fell off.
When Our Wanting Pressures Our Waiting
Remember the old saying “Good things come to those who wait”? I hate that quote, mainly because if I know something good is waiting for me, then I want it now. I don’t want to have to wait for it. At times, patience feels like a head game. It can be confusing. There are so many things that we want, but we’re often confused about how we are to wait for them.
- Wives who long for husbands or children to go to church or get saved, yet guilt or blackmail their family members to attend each week.
- Christian single women waiting for a husband, but dating men who don’t share their faith.
- Wives angling for a certain type of house or neighborhood because of desire to be seen a certain way RIGHT NOW, even though it creates financial or lifestyle tension.
- Women who desperately want more kids but whose husbands or bodies won’t cooperate.
Just so you know, I’ve been guilty of a few of these. Not proud of admitting that. Just keeping it real.
“Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick…”*
We all know what it feels like to wait month after month for something to happen, but that something doesn’t happen. He isn’t asking you out…The house isn’t selling…You’ve been unemployed for months. Disappointment can chip away at our joy and our hope.
If we are not careful, our unfulfilled waiting desires will open like a giant sinkhole in our lives and suck the joy out of everything else. Has your waiting started to drain your joy?
In the Old Testament, there was a man named Abram (later changed to Abraham). He was married to a woman named Sarai (later changed to Sarah). God promised Abram that he would be the ancestor of many, many generations of people. Yet, Abram and Sarai had no biological children.
We often talk about this story from Abram’s perspective, but I like to think about Sarai. I think about Sarai and her waiting. She knew that God told her husband that they would have children. Yet, nothing happened. And Sarai struggled.
During that time, it wasn’t uncommon for a concubine (voluntary slave) to bear children for a barren wife.** A woman named Hagar was Sarai’s concubine. So, Sarai sent Hagar to Abram to get pregnant and bear a child, even though God told them otherwise. It seems that Sarai wanted to help God out, right? I can almost hear her thoughts, “Nothing is happening. I can’t get pregnant. God must have forgotten about me. I have to do something.” (I’ve shared those same thoughts.) So, Sarai gets busy and gets handsy. She sends Hagar to Abram. He literally gets handsy and in time, Hagar gives birth to a son.
Enter Hot Mess and A Crazy
After the baby was born, Sarai acts ugly to Hagar. All of Sarai’s unfulfilled waiting and wanting unleashed at Hagar and her son. Years of months of non-pregnant anguish poured out on a second-class woman, who was a pawn in this sad story. As I reflect on Sarai, perhaps some her bitterness also arises from the regret of trying to force God’s hand before His timing.
What do we learn from this part of Sarai’s life: There is never any peace or joy in trying to force God’s hand. Furthermore, we cannot wait in bitterness and disappointment and expect to develop patience.
Let’s turn our attention to the etymological ancestor of the word patience. It’s a word that we don’t use much anymore: LONG-SUFFERING. This following definition of this word blows me away every time I read it. Here it is:
Long-suffering is the ability to endure what God allows without complaint.***
Long-suffering highlights the idea that waiting is the necessary ingredient in shaping our character and faith. God uses waiting to re-tool, re-shape and renew our character and faith. When we wait in a way that God desires, this means that we lean into our waiting situation and manage the intensity of our want and avoid the temptation to whine. Long-suffering (aka patience) is all about HOW we wait.
This means that we…
…Endure without complaint a family that hates our faith.
…Endure without complaint our difficult current reality.
…Endure without complaint our dreams that aren’t coming true.
…Endure without complaint children who go astray.
…Endure without complaint a marriage that is more struggle than blessing.
…Endure without complaint an illness that overwhelms our wellness.
How does this feel to you? I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me, too. But, learning to endure without complaint is what produces the ability to endure trials, something we all deeply desire. Long-suffering gives back to us in so many ways! It is an anchor to our faith and a catalyst for our character.
Here’s what I’m learning these days about what God wants to do in me through developing Long-suffering:
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering whispers God’s promises to me daily. Pursuing God’s best puts my wanting into perspective.
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering reminds me of the big picture of God’s plan for my life and that diminishes my whining.
As I learn to endure, Long-suffering illuminates God’s strength within me. It gives me the conviction to look into another woman’s eyes and tell her “You’re going to make it.”
As I learn endure, Long-suffering fuels the smile on my face and the joy in my heart during stormy days because I know that God’s got my back and I won’t fall down.
Now, what’s YOUR call-to-action? Do you need to change HOW you are waiting instead of focusing on WHAT you are waiting for? Where do you need to embrace long-suffering in your life?
I’d love to hear your comments. If you think this post might encourage someone else, please share it with them!
References: If you would like more information about the background of a few concepts discussed above, you can click on these links. Still got questions? Send me an email at barbr@cedarcreek.tv
* – Proverbs 13:12
** – http://www.gotquestions.org/concubine-concubines.html
*** – http://biblehub.com/commentaries/galatians/5-22.htm
by Barb Roose | Aug 10, 2014 | Women's Topics
Brittany Kaelber wants to live in a world where cookie dough is at the top of the food pyramid, leg warmers never go out of style and there are more spontaneous song and dance numbers in everyday life. When she’s not working as a full-time video producer and a part-time photographer at CedarCreek Church, you can find her hanging out with her favorite awesome nerds, doing a marathon (of the TV variety), attending a country concert, with her nose in a good book, napping, or planning her next Disney vacation.
Brittany believes that life’s a journey -a lovely, hilarious, heartbreaking, amazing journey – and she loves sharing the beautiful, the ugly, and the awkward moments of her journey with all of you!
“Ever since college, I make friends. They get married. I lose friends.” -Chuck Palahniuk
As I get older, most of the people I know are either getting into serious relationships, getting engaged, getting married, or having kids. In fact, at the age of 30, more of my friends, family and co-workers are married than not. On top of that, I have no close friends that have ever been 30 and single. This could easily put a divide between my married friends and I. We could slowly drift apart.We have different priorities and different schedules and different challenges and we can’t truly understand each other’s place in life.
I, however, do not believe this is a death sentence to relationships between married people and singles. I don’t want to lose friends just because they’re married and I’m not! My married friends and their families add so much to my life. I believe careful honesty is the key. We must have a determination not to project our own insecurities, longings, fears, and frustrations out on the other. If we do that, then we can still have real, beneficial, and meaningful relationships.
So, here it is, the truth: this is what singles believe married people have forgotten about being single (or aspects of single-ness they never even experienced because they got married much younger than 30).
Single + Single does not equal a perfect match…We get the impression that a lot of married people do the math and come up with: single guy + single girl = match made in heaven. No, nope. Thank you for thinking of us . . . but there’s a little more to it than that.
Speaking of matchmaking . . . I won’t speak for every single, but I was not built for online dating. I know that there are ‘Plenty of Fish’ that I could be ‘Match’ed with and we might fall in love and live in perfect ‘EHarmony,’ but let me just ‘Tinder’ my resignation now, because I’m out! #notinthislifetime. No need to ask me if I’ve thought of trying it. I’m an old-fashioned girl. And speaking of old-fashioned, if you come across a “great Christian guy,” don’t tell us girls about him– tell him about us! We want to be pursued.
We still believe in fairy tales…Well, kind of. We know now that it’s not as easy as falling in love and making darling, perfectly behaved babies and living happily-ever-after, but we still believe in having our own beautifully quirky love story. Help us believe. We’ve heard it’s a lot of hard work . . .like, more hard work and less sleep than you could have ever imagined! Now, tell us about how much fun it is! There are fun parts, right?! I love what Mindy Kaling says, “part of me still thinks … is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals?”
Plus one? More like, plus none…When you’re single, you don’t have a built in “plus one.” We want to come to weddings and parties and even dinner with you and your couple friends, but sometimes it’s harder than you’d imagine. So, unless our odd-numbered singleness throws off the aesthetics of your evening, please invite us, but give us grace on those nights we decline. It may surprise you that there are times when hanging out with all couples will actually make us feel lonelier than staying home alone and watching Netflix. Not to mention that standing on the dance floor at a wedding, under a spotlight, with six little girls dancing around you to the blaring refrain of Single Ladies is . . . just horrible.
There is no “I” in team! But there’s an “I” in Single…Having a plus one at parties is just a small perk of marriage. You are now part of a team! You’ve procured not only a built-in date but also a best friend and a confidant; someone you can do life with and make big decision with. Your moments are their moments, happy and sad. They know you better than anyone. You are two who have become one.
Imagine not having that built into your life. It can be hard and even scary at times. Doing it by yourself doesn’t always come with the kind of freedom you might imagine; it comes with doubt and insecurity and uncertainty and longing. So, take care in saying things like “enjoy your freedom” or “appreciate your single years while you can” or “you’re so lucky you don’t have anyone to check-in with!” We envy the partnership you have and we’d give up spontaneous Grecian vacations or control over the remote to be a part of a team like that …or, let’s be real, even just to have someone who paid half our bills! Just kidding… about the remote. 🙂
What’s NOW vs. What’s NEXT?…Have you heard the idiom “in the meantime”? It means, “Until something else happens.” As a single, it can feel like everyone is just waiting for us to reach the next big milestone in our lives. Until then, they’re compassionate to our being stuck “in the meantime.” However, sympathetic refrains, inspirational quotes, and future predictions can be more harmful than helpful. We know that phrases like “you’re going to make a great wife/mother one day” or “that’s ok, you will find someone” are meant to be comforting, but it can make us feel like who we are now (who we might be forever) is not enough.
We may get married. We may make great wives and great mothers; we may find someone. But we might not. We want to know that who we are is enough. In fact, we’d like to know it’s more than enough. We’d love to know that you don’t see us as incomplete or running behind or stuck in the great singles waiting room of life. We want to know that the lives we’re living now (as singles) are complete, significant, thriving, successful and meaningful.
So, ask us WHAT’S NOW instead of WHAT’S NEXT because “in the meantime” our real lives are happening and we want to share them with you!
This is how you can pray for us…There are aspects of the single life we appreciate and even love, so we don’t need pity, but we’d love your prayers.
- Pray that we’ll use our single lives to honor God and that we’ll rest in knowing His plans and timing are far greater than ours.
- Pray that we won’t settle, but will wait for a spouse who loves Jesus and us with their whole hearts for their whole lives.
- Pray that we are made complete in Christ, so that no matter where our journey takes us we find our identity and worth in Him and not in our relationship status.…And if you want to pray “Lord, if it’s your will, please send Brittany a tall, funny and handsome fella who loves pizza, Netflix, and country music,” well, who am I to argue with God’s will?!
Talk back time…Are you single? What are some of the parts of being single that celebrate? Where do you struggle? What kind of support or prayers would you like from others?
Thank you Brittany for sharing your perspective with us! Ladies, if you’ve got friends who would be encouraged by Brittany’s words, share this post up by clicking the any of the share buttons. If you’d like weekly encouragement like this, I’d love to share it with you. Just enter your email address to subscribe and that’s it. Thanks for stopping by!
by Barb Roose | Apr 18, 2014 | Reflections
Recently, I met my friend, Lisa, for lunch. It was a snowy day (so it could have been this past Tuesday, right?)
Anywhoo, Lisa and I arranged to meet at a little café about 30 minutes away from my office. It’s the kind of cute cafe that’s too quaint to show up on a GPS, so I drove past it a few times before I realized I had actually arrived.
Whenever womenfolk have lunch, we follow one of two strategies:
Lunch Strategy#1: The “Let’s celebrate and therefore eat whatever we want” strategy. This means that we’ll enjoy pasta, bread, butter and EVERYONE GETS dessert. #favorite
Lunch Strategy #2: The “Oh, I’m watching my weight” strategy. This means salad or a fruit bowl and sadly, no dessert.
Lisa and I rolled with option #2, but we had a great time anyways. When I checked my watch, I realized that it was time to scoot off for my next meeting. We hastily exchanged goodbyes and I fast-girly walked out of the café over an icy path to my car in 3″ heels.
Two hours later, I finished the next meeting and stopped for gas. When I opened my wallet, there was a $10 bill inside. It shouldn’t have been there because I had gone to lunch. Then, it hit me:
I SKIPPED OUT OF THE RESTAURANT WITHOUT PAYING FOR MY LUNCH!
I dined and dashed. Oh, no! Me? Yes! Of course, it was an accident, but I was a dine-and-dasher, just the same. Oh, shame, shame, shame on me!
In my mind’s eye, I could see the shocked look on that restaurant server’s face when a tall black woman in cute, heeled boots hightailed it up out of her small town café without paying for her lunch salad sans the dessert.
Shame on me…
Not to mention that the same tall black woman in the cute, heeled boots IS ALSO A PASTOR. And, for the record, pastors really should not dine-and-dash. It shouldn’t be a thing for anyone, but especially not pastors. It’s like #14 on the list of things pastors shouldn’t do, like right before “wear men’s skinny jeans.”
I tried calling the café from my car, but couldn’t get through. I thought it was because the café owner was on the phone with the police giving them a description of yours truly. At each stop light on the way back to the office, I practiced my mug shot face in the rearview mirror in case somehow I ended up on the news.
“Tonight on 13abc, local area pastor dine-and-dashes in 3″ heels. Full story at 6.”
On my third call, someone at the café picked up the phone. I blurted out my name and bumbled my way through a rambling, overly profuse apology. The woman on the other line was kind and gracious. When I finished making the messiest apology EVER, she laughed and replied, “Don’t worry it happens all of the time. Most people are honest and just drop off the money later.”
I couldn’t believe that instead of reading me the riot act and calling the police, the café lady excepted my apology and wished me a good day. (My friend, Tina, lives near the café so the next morning, she dropped off my payment, tip and another apology note.)
When I receive “good” but I deserve “bad”…
As a fugitive dine-and-dasher, I could have been tracked down and possibly arrested. And I would have deserved it.
Instead, the café owner forgave my offense. And in that moment, I was reminded of the principle of grace:
Grace is when we receive “good” even though we deserve “bad.”
God is in the “grace” business. He wants to give us what we don’t deserve. God wants to give us Himself, complete with access to His divine forgiveness, love, purpose, hope and power.
But, some are afraid to come close to Him: “Oh, I know that God says that He loves me, but look at my life. Look at the mistakes I’ve made.”
So, we try to fix ourselves. Must try to be a better person! We think God is a cosmic bean counter, so we can’t believe that God wants to give us “good” because we know that we deserve bad. How often have we tried to earn God’s goodness?
Here’s the truth: We can’t fix ourselves. We’re messed up at a level so deep that only God do anything about it.
So, what you and I need is GRACE. Grace is the very best of all good things.
Today is Good Friday. For many, it’s a religious day of observation or obligation. We’ll sit in church or see the photos of Jesus being beaten and crucified on this holy day. Whips, fists, blood, nails, cross. So many violent images – and while we may flinch in the moment, does the realization of this event impact our heart and lives? Did we forget that it is by his wounds that we are healed?
Jesus is our access to God’s grace…
Jesus came to give us “good” even though we deserve “bad” (photo credit: swordsoftruth.files.wordpress.com)
The simple truth is that God sent Christ to pay the cost for our sinfulness and instead of punishment, we received the free gift grace.
Doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.
My friends, avoid being like the “good people” who deny their desperate need for God. Remember, the good (religious) people were the ones screaming “Crucify him” on a Friday long ago. God’s lavish grace is for those of us who realize that we can never be good enough. This divine grace extends especially to those who don’t think that forgiveness is possible. Hear this: No matter who you are or what you’ve done, God’s grace through Christ is a free gift for you.
So, I’m going to go out on a limb here and close with the simple prayer for those of you who want to experience God’s grace for yourself. If this is the true intention of your heart, then pray this prayer:
Dear God, forgive me for living my life apart from You. Today, I want to live out the rest of my life connected to You. I accept your free gift of grace made possible through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. I invite you to come into my heart and life. Help me to learn what it means to trust you and follow you all of the days of my life. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer…
Great! While you might not have seen fireworks, heard angels or felt all tingly inside, your life – and eternity – have been forever changed! I’d love you to send me an email or you can CLICK HERE and you can receive a free New Testament (click on “Request Packet”) and some other materials to help you understand what it means to have a relationship with God.
Happy Good Friday everyone!
If you don’t have a place to attend church on Easter, you’re welcome to watch LIVE online at www.cedarcreek.tv/live
Times: Friday – 5:15pm/7pm; Saturday – 3:30pm/5:15pm/7pm; Sunday 9am, 10:45am and 12:30pm
by Barb Roose | Jul 24, 2013 | Christian Living/Discipleship
It was exactly a year ago that I woke up on my 40th birthday in a really bad mood.
I hated turning 40. Hated it. Even saying the words, “I’m 40” seemed to stick in my throat. Still does…
In the weeks leading up to my birthday last year, I sensed the likelihood of a meltdown, so I wisely planned a distraction: a partial kitchen remodel. Since I’m not super-handy, I had figured driving back and forth to Home Depot that week would keep me too busy to think about the Big 4-0.
On the morning of my July 24th birthday, I had planned to start painting the cabinet doors. As I mixed paint at 8:15am that morning, I groused to God about reaching this dreaded female milestone. Yet, I also felt guilty for being ungrateful. Afterall, I was alive, right? As I prepped the cabinets, I began to obsess (maybe even panic…) about what might be next in my life. And, what if there wasn’t a “next”? That thought terrified me. I begged God to help me shake off the “40-funk” that was settling into my heart.
At 8:30am, the phone rang. Then, everything changed:
“Barb, you need to meet Life Flight at St. V’s. Your sister-in-law and niece are headed there. They’ve been in an accident. Someone has died, but we don’t know who or in which car.”
Luckily, the hospital’s location is three minutes from my house and I was there within 10 minutes of the phone call. After waiting, I found out that my sister-in-law was alive and my niece was unconscious and in critical condition. Then, sadly, I learned that one of the passengers in the other vehicle had died. All I could do was cry and pray.
It was only 10am…and I was no longer concerned about turning 40.
As we paced through the hours of the day, our brains were in a haze from the overload of information and emotions. Yet, there are certain parts of life that just went on. For instance, it was my birthday, so I still had to get my car registration and tags renewed. At the BMV, I met saw a woman in line that I had seen at the hospital earlier in the day. Later, I found out her name was Ms. Lucy Oliver. As the battle for life and death circled around us, I had a chance to talk with one of St. V’s beloved employees. Weeks later, I would use her faith-filled testimony in one of my weekend messages.
In the days that followed the accident, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law held their daughter’s hand as her body struggled to survive surgery after surgery. Our immediate and distant family members would travel back and forth to the hospital to see and support in many different ways. Time moved fast and slow – simultaneously.
God spared my beautiful niece, Camie’s life. Over the past year, she’s worked so hard to regain the ability to walk and be mobile. She rocked out her academics and will graduate from high school next spring – an entire year early! Camie even got her driver’s license this year! Amazing! 365 days ago, I never could have imagined what today would look like.
As I think about the last 365 days of my life, there are so many different storylines to recall. Days of triumph, joy and peace mixed in with days of darkness, pain and confusion. Of course, I wish that there were more of the good days than bad ones, but as I get older, I’ve learned that the keeping score isn’t the point.
Sooooo, now I am 41. Yep, 41. This year, I choose to be grateful for the chance to live out every unknown (sometimes difficult or scary moments). When I remember that God has plans, not problems, I cope with life so much better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New Living Translation)
As a reforming control-freak, one of my biggest issues is not worrying about the future. Yet, God’s plans are for me. Whatever problems I am currently navigating are a part of His plan and thankfully, I can’t screw up His plan. Whew.
So, if you’re wondering what I am doing for my birthday this year, I’m repeating the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13 to myself. Over and over again…
If we are not careful, our unfulfilled waiting desires will open like a giant sinkhole in our lives and suck the joy out of everything else. Has your waiting started to drain your joy?
