by Barb Roose | Sep 10, 2015 | Women's Topics
You hate shopping? You’re not alone!
“Getting half-naked in front of the dressing room mirror intimidates me.”
“I don’t know what looks good on me.”
“I’ll go shopping after I lose some weight.”
“I just don’t like my body.”
Are you unhappy with your current wardrobe situation? Do you have clothes in your closet with the tags still on? It’s no wonder that so many awaken to the dreaded daily question: “What am I going to wear today?” I think this is why we embrace yoga pants or sweats. We worship that stretchy material that slides over everything we hate about our size and shape. We know that those stretchy black and gray pants aren’t flattering, but when our other choices are naked or frustrated tears, we’ll choose stretchy pants every time.
This is how shopping feels sometimes, right?
Why the despair? What do we really want from our clothes, ladies? There are two things that we want from our clothes: We want our clothes to look good on us and we want our clothes to feel like us. When we get dressed, we want our clothes to feel as natural on our bodies as our skin does and our clothes should be a reflection of who we are on the inside. When that doesn’t happen, our clothes can feel like they suffocating us. No one wants to feel suffocated in her clothes.
We all face different clothing challenges. Some of you are petite. Others of you struggle with difficult proportions. Some of you lament your stick-straight profile and wish that people would stop telling you how lucky you are that you are so thin. Me? I’ve got my own issues. I’m 5’ 10” with long legs and big curves on the top and bottom. I know what it means to have clothing challenges!
Why does it matter what you wear?
Think about your favorite (non-stretchy pants) outfit? In fact, if you can, go put it on. How does wearing that outfit make you feel? You stand a little taller, right? It’s easier to smile. Your eyes shine brighter and you feel more open to giving to the world around you. You feel like your best YOU. When you put on clothes that are the proper size, flatter shape and right style, everything about who you are on the inside translates on the outside.
Don’t write off that last sentence off as superficial or shallow. It’s not shallow to realize that when we invest the time into discovering our proper size, shape and style, that we walk stronger, taller and more confident as our authentic selves.
Why it only takes me five minutes to get dressed each morning…
I’m not a fashion professional. I haven’t had any formal training, but I do know how to buy clothes that are the proper size, flattering shape and reflect my natural style. As a result, it only takes me about five minutes to get dressed each morning, including shoes and accessories. Yes, five minutes. Which is good because I’m a night person and mornings are really rough for me.
Once I get dressed, I don’t think about what I’m wearing the rest of the day. I rarely look at a mirror unless I’m shooting a video or someone tells me that I’ve got food on my shirt, which happens frequently. What I love about feeling confident after I get dressed is that I don’t feel self-conscious. Also, my mental energy isn’t depleted by lingering doubts about how I look or how people think I look. In fact, when I feel good, then I am more likely to connect with others. It’s easier to give of myself when I feel good about me.
Three Promises I Made to Myself…
Would you believe that I’ve had that blazer for over 15 years? It used to be part of a suit that I paid $79.00 on clearance. That necklace was a $30 splurge for a special event in New York City, but I’ve been able to wear it often to add a little pop to simple garments like that plain white shirt.
After years of hating to shop and feeling badly in everything I wore, I decided to live by these three clothing promises:
- I would only purchase clothing or shoes that I absolutely, positively loved.
- I would only purchase items that looked great on me. Not good, but great.
- If something in my closet didn’t fit, I would get rid of it.
These three promises have simplified one of the most complicated decisions in my life – what I wear every day. Every morning, I have a 100% chance that I will feel great in what I am wearing. My closet is blessedly uncomplicated and I avoid feeling the pressure to keep buying clothes because what I own is already enough.
InStyle’s Social Media Assistant Editor, Jennifer Davis’ black dress
These shopping promises also mean that I can shop less. I don’t need to have overflowing closets of clothes. That’s right, you don’t need lots of clothes! InStyle’s Assistant Social Media Editor, Jennifer Davis1, wore the same little black dress for five work days and no one in her fashion-conscious office noticed. She mixed different accessories and layering options and no one ever knew that she repeated the same basic dress all week. Jennifer demonstrated how looking great isn’t about having more clothes or expensive clothes, but knowing how to mix and match what’s already there.
And, when I don’t love something anymore or it stops fitting like it used to, I don’t get emotional because I have lots of other things that I love. But, I do give it away. (By the way, I do own sweatpants and there are days when I want to wear them. In fact, while writing this article, I’m wearing sweats right now!)
Some of you feel intimidated or overwhelmed at the time and effort it will take to discover what is right for you. Yes, it will take an investment of time. However, you’ll end up saving hundreds of hours of frustration at the store or in your closet in the future. Once you know what you look great in, you won’t waste time or money buying things that make you less than beautiful.
Three Practical Tips for Your Current Closet
- Try on everything in your closet. I mean everything! Don’t be emotional about it. If you can’t fit something over your knees, slip it back off quickly and move on. You must control your thoughts and don’t let your clothes become a judge of your self-worth. You are more than your clothes! You are awesome! Keep repeating that to yourself!
- Divide your clothes and shoes into in two
piles: things that fit your proper size, have a flattering shape and style and then a pile for everything else. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself: Does this look and feel like me? Do I smile when I have this on?
- Let go of everything that doesn’t look or feel like you. Trust me. You won’t be
left naked. Let it go! Box it up and donate it. If you’re about to hyperventilate at the thought of doing this, invite a friend over to help you through this process.
I really wanted to buy this sweater – especially since I had a gift card! I tried this sweater on two different occasions. It was the right size and style, but the shape just wasn’t right for my body. So, I didn’t buy. And I don’t regret it!
Four Practical Tips For When You Do Need to Shop
- Let Your Clothes Be Your Guide – Review the pile of clothes that you love. Assess the colors, sizes, shape and style. Take pictures of your favorite shirts, pants and dresses. When you recognize the clothes that look good and makes you smile, then your shopping goal is to mimic what already works for you.
- Shop by Label – Look at the labels of the clothes that you already own and love. Shop at the stores that carry those labels. When it’s time to shop, go to those stores and start with trying on those labels first. You’ll get an extra boost of confidence knowing that that you’ve experienced success with that clothing brand. It will also reduce the amount of intimidation that you face when you walk into the store and see thousands of possibilities.
- Grab three sizes! We’ve got to make peace with the fact that clothing sizes aren’t consistent. You’ve just got to make peace with that. When I find an item, I grab the size that I think I wear as well as one size smaller and bigger. I try on all three without looking at the size. Then, I pick the one that fits best and makes me feel great about how I look! The feeling that I get from how I look that garment is much more satisfying than any shame or sadness over the number on the tag. No one knows what size you are unless you tell them, BUT they will notice if your clothes are too big or way too small.
- Listen to people – When you receive a compliment on an outfit, pay attention! Don’t brush off compliments or diminish them! Look that wonderful person in the eye and thank them. Compliments mean that you are moving about the world as your truest self and that’s a good thing!
I’d love your feedback! Did you try any of these clothing tips? How did you get through the process? Did you buy anything new? If so, let us see it!
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends! Hit the share buttons at the top or bottom of this post. Friends love friends who love and encourage them!
Source: http://news.instyle.com/2014/12/30/i-tried-it-i-wore-the-same-little-black-dress-for-a-week/
by Barb Roose | Jun 8, 2015 | Women's Topics
We all like to watch people.
Why? Because people are really interesting! This past weekend, my neighborhood hosted our annual Old West End Festival. Thousands of people descended upon our historical neighborhood to pursue garages sales, view parades or look at our grand historical homes (well, not mine. I live there, but mine isn’t quite in the same category as “grand”…more like old-fashioned lived-in.)
Here’s my favorite home in our neighborhood. It’s located a few streets over from my house. I don’t know anything about it other than I like to walk by it – and I’m thankful that I don’t have to clean it. (photo credit: Flickr)
As the visitors walk and gawk, residents like me spend the weekend just watching the crowd. It’s like the annual all-you-can-see people-watching buffet and I never had to leave my seat.
So, it is the people-watching experience of this weekend that inspires this post. There are lots of different kinds of people-watchers, but today, we’re talking about my two favorite types. First, the group of folks that I call “weird-watchers.”
Do what you gotta do…
Weird-watchers are folks that follow you with their eyes just a little bit too long and a way too intense. Truthfully, I may have accidentally weird-watched someone at least once or twice – like people who have tattoos with lots of words.
Moving on…
This week, a friend posted on Facebook that a weird-watcher was staring at her while she was sitting on the train in Chicago. She was a little freaked out by his persistent gaze, even though she was safely on the opposite side of a window. Like a good friend, I offered some handy Facebook advice to her – because on Facebook, we all LOVE to give advice. With weird-watchers, you’ve gotta fight fire with fire. My advice: “Stare back at him and pick your nose.” #nailedit
The “Body-Shoppers”
My favorite form of people-watching is body-shopping. I’m a body-shopper. That’s the kind of people-watcher that I am. Body-shopping is like shopping in a store, except there’s no store and the clothes are on moving bodies. One of my biggest pet-peeves in the store that the cellulite-free mannequins don’t realistically demonstrate how something could really fit. Yet, every woman is a real-life model and so I get to see how lots of different clothes look on a variety of sizes and shapes of bodies.
For me, body-shopping begins once I see a necklace or accessory that captures my attention. It’s often a necklace or another accessory to turns my head and makes me smile. This is important: body-shopping isn’t about looking for something to criticize. People-watchers are known for their biting criticism or rude, whispered comments. When I body shop, there’s no room for Judge Judy, rather it’s more like channeling Paula Abdul from her early days on American Idol. Remember how Paula could always find something positive to say about someone, no matter how bad they saying or looked.
Body-shopping Rule #1: Compliment, never criticize!
Yesterday, a lady walks by wearing this phenomenal long, white summer dress. It was a chilly morning, so she layered it with white, cropped jean jacket, summer flip-flops and gold jewelry. My favorite part, she finished her look with a big smile. I’m a guaranteed train wreck waiting-to-happen when I wear white. Yet, this lady looked so lovely that I started to wonder what I could look like if I had such a dress. Sure, I’d have to send the day in a bubble only drinking clear pop or water, but it might be worth it!
As the lady walked by, I simply said: “Wow, I love your dress. It looks great on you.”
One of the most important rules of body-shopping is to let the person know that you love how something looks on her. Just compliment just one thing, though. Don’t be like “Oh, I love your dress. Wow, you’re shoes are amazing. What gorgeous eyes you have! Those earrings are just EVERYTHING!”
Unless you’re talking to your best friend, don’t do that. Don’t compliment everything. That’s creepy.
Body-shopping Rule #2: Find out where and how long ago it was purchased
I don’t know where she was heading to, but after my compliment, the lovely lady’s smile grew wider and she stopped. This is one of the great rewards of body-shopping: You can make people smile. Everyone loves a compliment, especially a genuine, unsolicited compliment.
Lovely dress lady told me that the dress was purchased for one of her favorite stores, which turned out to be one of my favorite stores, too! Which brings me to one of the next most important features of body-shopping: you must ask how long ago they acquired the item. Lucky for me, she mentioned that the dress was purchased just a few weeks ago. I’ve got plans to stop by the store later this week and I’ve got a gift card!
Sometimes, my body-shopping inquiry will be an item purchased long ago or a treasured hand-me-down. I’ve heard great stories over the years about jewelry bequeathed from a relative, a garage sale treasure or a special gift from a loved one. Not only do I love hearing those great stories, but it brings people such joy sharing them with me.
Body shopping Rule #3: Be affirming
Yesterday, I engaged in a little more body-shopping. A long-time friend wore sparkly eyeshadow as an eyeliner across her top eye lid. She looked amazing! Usually, sparkly eyeshadow is a Friday night weekend thing, but she wore a light-colored sparkle shadow as a thin liner that made her bright eyes even brighter on a Sunday morning. It was a perfect match her personality and style. So, here we go: Rule #1: I told her that her eyes looked amazing. She smiled big. Then, Rule #2: I asked there she purchased it from and when. She mentioned a company that I have been watching on Twitter for a few months, so I made the mental decision to check it out.
But this happened, too:
Me: “When you applied that eye shadow this morning, weren’t you just giddy? You knew that it looked fantastic, right?”
Super cute friend: “Really? Does it look that good? Like, I knew that I looked nice this morning, but I wasn’t sure.”
Me: “You look spectacular. That shadow highlights the sparkle already in your eyes!”
(Then, I asked her out for a date. Ha! No, I didn’t. Calm down.)
What happened here? I shared a compliment about something that I hoped that she already believed for herself. This particular lovely is a highly successful business woman who is smart and stylish. Yet, even those who look the most confident still need encouragement and affirmation. We should never build Our identities on the words of others. But, we should affirm and encourage each other, especially other women.
It’s always about connection…
As much as we hate to admit this: Humans judge people based on what they see. God looks at the heart, but He designed us with eyes that pay attention to facial expressions, postures, features and clothing styles. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what we do with is.
Here’s my thing: I people-watch with purpose. Body-shopping has opened the door to some pretty cool connecting moments over the years. I’ve made new friends, discovered mutual acquaintances and gotten some great inspiration for my own closet – all through just paying attention and using my voice to encourage another.
You can do this, too.
I CHALLENGE YOU: Try some body-shopping this week. Pay attention to the women around you and if you’re brave enough, engage in the body-shopping experience just once this week. If you’re an introvert, you can choose someone that you already know that feel comfortable with to start.
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by Barb Roose | Apr 20, 2015 | Women's Topics
We’re friends, right?
And even if you aren’t friends with me on social media or I haven’t been to your house to eat up your ice cream, you should know this about me: I really care about you.
I want you to wake up every morning and smile at yourself in the mirror – even with wicked bedhead and fuzzy teeth.
I want you to fling open your closet doors and slide into tops, bottoms, shoes or accessories that look like your “best you.”
Yet, there’s one thing that’s keeping you back. And, it’s the thing that I’m about to share with you.
My sweet, beautiful friend – lean in closely and read carefully:
GET RID OF THE CLOTHES THAT NO LONGER FIT YOU!
Sorry about the all caps action, but I wanted to make sure that you heard me. I feel bad – I know I just yelled at you. Why? Because I wanted to shout out what you’ve been thinking every time you put on those faded Mom-jeans, shapeless t-shirt or too-small top that won’t stretch anymore. I know you hate getting dressed in the morning because you don’t like what you see in the mirror. In this post, I want to shine some hope into your hearts. So, first let me remind you of an important truth that you might have forgotten:
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
(You know that I just saw you roll your eyes.). I know that many are discouraged by society’s obsession with perfection. But, the truth is that you are beautiful because God created you. Yet, I know that the images and messages around you have obscured that truth and you may not see it as clearly as you did at another time in life.
Beauty is a topic worth our attention. Too many women underestimate the impact of what we see in the mirror. Just get over yourself. Yes, that’s what we say to ourselves in the mirror. Oh, it’s not that important. That’s what we tell ourselves right before the tears stream down our face. Friends, beauty isn’t just about how we look, it’s about the impact on how we think and live. Who we are on the inside DOES matter most. But, how we think and present ourselves physically matters, too. You will connect more freely with the world around you if you feel better about yourself. Think about the people that you could love and serve if you weren’t so self-conscious or preoccupied with your size, shape or style.
Does it really matter if you get rid of the clothes that don’t fit?
Yes. Because every time you look at them, you attach meaning to those clothes. You know that you shouldn’t, but you do. So, I believe that what you own should be the reflection of your “best” you. Even if you toss out everything and have one amazing paid of jeans and one incredible shirt, that’s infinitely better than a closet full of those that make you sad. Don’t wear clothes that make you sad!
Ten years ago, I felt bad on the inside and out. On the outside, I wore shapeless t-shirts, gigantic sweaters, awful fitting Mom-jeans, etc. because I just didn’t care. Inside, I was overcome with disappointment, broken dreams and missed expectations. My clothes made me sad. Frankly, I didn’t care. Ever felt that way? Then, one day, a friend suggested that I simply put on a pair of earrings. Now, we both knew that earrings weren’t going to fix my life, but it forced me to take a moment to care for myself. This triggered something inside of me.
You can watch “What Not To Wear” on Netflix. I learned SOOO much about my personal fit and style from them!
One day, I started watching Clinton and Stacy on “What Not to Wear” and took notes on the clothes that women with my body shape were wearing. Buying new clothes wasn’t an option back then, so I decided to check out the Goodwill. Surprisingly, I found labels like Ann Klein, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, Gap and New York & Co. on those second-hand racks. When I stood before the mirror, wearing clothes that actually fit well, I cried. Why? I no longer saw a 31-year old woman broken down by her life. Instead, I saw a woman who was standing tall with a smile on her face. It felt great. I felt great.
I went home and got rid of everything that didn’t fit or didn’t not make me feel great about myself. for awhile, I wore the same clothes a lot, but I added great-fitting clothes as my budget allowed. These days, I can buy more, but I don’t. Why? I have one other important rule: I only buy what I absolutely, positively LOVE. If I don’t love it, it stays on the rack.
Now back to you: Is it time for you to care for yourself? Are you ready to get rid of the clothes that bum you out when you put them on? Even if you are down to one pair of pants and two shirts, if they make you feel like a million bucks – great! Rebuild from there. In the end, remember this: If it doesn’t “fit”, get rid of it!
Q4U (Question for you): What is one article of clothing that you’ve held onto for FAR too long? How long have you had it? Why do you hold on to it?
I’d love to hear your answers. Just take a moment to comment and let’s encourage each other! If you think this post could encourage another woman, feel free to share it up! By the way CLICK HERE to check out my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. Thanks for stopping by today,
by Barb Roose | Jul 30, 2013 | Women's Topics
Last week was one of the most incredible weeks of my life. And, when I say the word “incredible,” I’m not just talking about spectacular. I’m talking about “are-you-kidding-me-is-this-actually-going-down-like-this” kind of incredible.
I traveled to North Carolina on Thursday with my friend, Bobbie, to attend Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks Writer and Speaker Conference. I met P31 president and best-selling author, Lysa TerKeurst back in May when I co-hosted the Fabulous Conference with my friend, Lauren. Lysa is an in-demand national keynote speaker, so when I found out that she was hosting a conference for emerging speakers and authors, I plunked down my money and registered.
One of the benefits of registering for the conference was an opportunity to meet with publishers and agents from all over the country. Since I had written a book proposal back in January, I figured it was time for me to pitch my book proposal while I was at the conference.
When I arrived at the conference on Friday morning, I had to hustle to schedule my publisher appointment. Hundreds of women were already scheduled to meet with agents and publishers and I was praying there would be a slot for me. A lovely woman named Sheila took my card and scheduled me for a 4pm Saturday appointment with a publisher from Abingdon Press named Pamela Clements.
Abingdon Press! It was the best news I could have gotten. My friend and author, Sandie Bricker (www.sandradbricker.com) published a very successful series of books with Abingdon Press, so I immediately inboxed her on Facebook. Within a few hours, Sandie responded and let me know that Ms. Clements was her editor’s boss. She included some important guidance to help me with my due diligence in preparing for my appointment.
After attending Friday’s incredible conference, from Lysa’s morning keynote, divinely-appointed breakout sessions and social media juggernaut, Michael Hyatt’s evening talk, I was baked – in a good way, not the kind of way that gets one arrested.
On our way back to the hotel, I remembered that the shirt I packed for the next day had two mysterious brown stains. I couldn’t wear it. I started brainstorming a Plan B. While brainstorming, I drove right past the street of our hotel. Rather than turn around on the busy highway, I asked Bobbie if I could drive over to the RossForLess retail store I had seen earlier in the day. Since I needed to buy a new outfit early in the morning, I wanted to see what time the store opened.
We pulled up to RossForLess at 10:24pm. I noticed that there were people still in the store. Could it be open? Yes! The store was open until 10:30pm. What store closes at 10:30pm? 10pm, yes. 11pm, yes. 10:30pm…what? I popped out of the car in my 4″ wedge sandals and hustled toward store. The automatic doors slid open and I scooted in at 10:26pm. Ignoring the stare of the cashier who was probably hoping I’d drop dead so she could clock out and go home, I ran to the dress section and started rifling through the racks until I found two dresses in my size and style.
Back at the hotel, I tried on the first dress and looked in the mirror. It fit fine and it was my style, but I wasn’t sure. Bobbie told me I was crazy, but I just didn’t feel confident when I looked in the mirror. A little too much shake and shimmy, if you know what I mean…
So, at 7:30am the next morning, I jumped out of bed and left the hotel search of Spanx. (For any guys reading, Spanx are like Magic Eraser for women’s bodies.) Ross For Less didn’t open until 9:00am and I needed to be at the conference by then. So, I kept driving even though I had no idea what to do next.
After two minutes, I turned my head to the right and saw a Wal-Mart off in the distance. When I checked my GPS earlier, Google Maps said the nearest Wal-Mart was 20 minutes away. Finally, a GPS error in my favor!
Did you ever stop to think about the most important decisions in your life and how 98% of the time, Wal-Mart is involved in those decisions. Buying a house? Chances are, you’ll be stopping at Wal-Mart. Getting married? You’ll be stopping by Wal-Mart. Having a baby? Wal-Mart. Pitching your first book proposal to a publisher? Definitely, Wal-Mart.
Now, Wal-Mart doesn’t actually carry the brand name, Spanx. Only certain fine department stores do. However, I really don’t want to use the word “girdle” over and over again. That would be awkward for all involved. So for the purposes of this blog post, Spanx = girdle. So, I ran into Wal-Mart and gratefully purchased the Spanx and drove back to the hotel.
Here’s the crazy part: Before my 4pm book pitch that afternoon, I had to give a five-minute talk to a group of ladies in an advanced speakers group. I obsessed over this talk for weeks. On my way back from Wal-Mart, I was inspired to completely change my five-minute talk to include my Spanx story. I dictated the new talk into my iPhone and finished it as I pulled into the hotel parking lot.
My new Spanx-inspired talk was completely and utterly me. During my five-minute presentation, I shared my insecurities about my appearance. I shared my heart to help other ladies learn to see God first in the mirror rather than focusing on the things that made them feel “less-than.” The ladies laughed about the Spanx and each gave me a knowing look when I talked about how much we hate feeling insecure about our appearance. Next, it was time for me to face the moment I’d waited a lifetime for…my publisher appointment.
I entered the room and extended my hand toward Ms. Clement. After sitting down and introducing myself, I took a deep breath and shared my Spanx story again. She listened as I recounted my struggles as well as what I’ve learned over the years about seeing myself through God’s eyes. To my surprise, Ms. Clements shared some of her life journey with me. We laughed over the ways the lengths that women go to in order to deal with their insecurities. At the end of my appointment, Ms. Clements asked if she could have my book proposal. I walked out of that room and felt the overwhelming lift of a lifetime’s worth of prayers answered. Then, I cried.
I couldn’t believe that a stained shirt could set into motion a series of events that would change my life over the course of 48-hours. I still can’t believe that RossForLess was open until 10:30pm and the only reason I found that out was because I accidently drove past the road to our hotel. I can’t believe that we happened to show up to the store four minutes before it closed – and I was able to find two dresses in less than 10 minutes. By the way, the dress I purchased was a Calvin Klein dark denim beauty for only $24.99. Girls, you know I had to share that!
I know that God set those series of events into motion and I am awestruck – and thankful. Soooo thankful. No, I don’t know how it will all turn out. I hope that the book will work out, but I’m grateful for how much I’ve gained and grown over this weekend.
Now, I’m back in Ohio, trying to adjust to post-vacation life. I’ve got a long week at work, kids playing soccer and a dog that has developed an skin allergy that will need some veterinary attention.
Yet, I have the memory of an incredible weekend when I was reminded that when things seem to be going wrong, it was just the preparation for God to show up.
STAY TUNED: On Friday, in my next post “Barb’s Vacation, Part II,” I’ll tell you about why Platform author Michael Hyatt tweeted me. Yes, me!
