“Mom, can you just do what I asked?”

My sweet girl stood in front of me in her lacy wedding gown, rhinestone beaded veil and a scowl on her heart-shaped face. It was five minutes until the start of her wedding and she’d made a request that I didn’t think needed to be done. In my sweetest smile and “Mom Knows Best” voice, I tried to dissuade her.

As I mentally planned my better solution to her request, my daughter squeezed her fingers around her bouquet. I saw her chest lift and her cheeks expand to puff out frustrated air. Very calmly she said, “Mom, please just do what I asked.”

My daughter is a 26-year old woman and it was her wedding day. She had made a request.  While I had the right to help or not to help, it wasn’t my place to nudge or push her toward what I thought was best.

Turns out, I needed to walk out some repentance just before I walked down the aisle to my seat. I’d tried to control a situation that was none of my business. Even though I thought I knew best, that didn’t mean that my way was better. Worst of all, I justified my control loving behavior because I was doing it with a smile.

How often do you nudge people toward your view of how they should act, believe, think or live?

If you aren’t sure, here are five control-loving behaviors that indicate that you’re attempting to fix someone or force certain outcomes.

I call thesse the SHINE Control-Loving Behaviors:

Stonewalling - Inflexibility or unwillingness to cooperate or collaborate

Helicoptering - Micromanaging others to do something the way that you want it done

Interrupting - Either cutting off someone’s words or interfering with someone’s life choices

Nagging – Repeating requests (Generally, saying it once is asking, repeating more than once is nagging…)

Excessive Planning - Overplanning every minute detail so that your specific plan takes place.

Which ones are your go-to’s? Who do you tend to use these on most?

To be clear, no one is judging you for these behaviors. Additionally, struggling with control-loving issues doesn’t mean that you don’t love others – it often means that you do love them, but controlling others is actually unloving.

Why do we use control-loving behaviors?

The truth is that control-loving behaviors indicate that you’re trying to slide into God’s place in someone’s life, especially if it’s someone who should be responsible for themselves.

These behaviors are a reaction to our fears, our anxieties or reveal where we struggle to trust God.

In my case,  I served up of a hefty dish of interrupting my daughter’s wishes with a spicy side dish of helicoptering. I was worried that her pre-wedding ceremony request would offend our guests. Turns out, I was wrong and I caused unnecessary conflict between us.

It’s not easy letting the people that we love live their life on their own terms, is it? If they are irresponsible or lack life experience, we fear the consequences for their lives.

Let’s be honest, we also want to avoid feeling pain or inconvenience as well. But, is avoiding pain and consequences justification for us to play God in someone’s life?

Isn’t it God who knows what’s best, not us? Isn’t God sovereign, even in the small things? Yes, He is!

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”

-Isaiah 55:8 NLT

Anytime we pull out those control loving behaviors, it may seem like they are out of love but they often reveal our attempt to slide into the role of a god in someone else’s life. To be clear, we are pitiful and destructive substitutes for God.

I don’t know where today’s conversation meets you in your life. Perhaps, it’s good to take a moment to review today’s verse and reflect on whether you’re using any control-loving behaviors in a way that puts you in the position of God in someone else’s life. That can be heavy to consider, but worth it for both your sake, their sake, and your relationship with them.

Prayer

God, open my eyes and reveal my blind spots to where I have been subtly trying to control others. It’s hard when I’m worried and concerned about a situation or those that I love, but I need to turn all of my worries and cares over to You. I trust that You know what is best so help me to let go of trying to control. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: Which control-loving behaviors pop up for you? If you've battled to let go of control, share your story below to encourage others!

It’s the final summer holiday, friends! Traditionally, Labor Day is when we scramble to get in that last cookout or day at the lake before we turn our attention to pumpkin spice lattes and sweaters. Depending on your family or political background, Labor Day has varied importance. I’m not here to get into the background of Labor Day, but today does inspire today’s devotional:

Do you regularly take a break from your labor?

As women, we tend to feel guilty about taking breaks or stopping our work. It doesn’t matter if we’re single, married, single again, with or without children, there always seems to be one more thing that we can do, right?

Yet, our bodies are not built for endless work, endless planning or endless activity. Like a gas tank, we run out. In fact, we KNOW that we’ll run out of energy and yet, we keep going. But why?

It's often because we believe two things:

1. It won't get done unless we do it.

2. Unless we work 24/7, our lives will fall apart unless we're to keep everyone and everything together and moving forward.

That's the mindset for exhaustion! When we're exhausted, we tend to let it show. Which one of these are true for you?

Easily annoyed...

Overly sensitive...

Impatient...

Desparate...

Here’s a hard question: How do your loved ones experience you when you’re exhausted? Do they feel more or less loved about you?

The truth is that when you and I don’t stop to rest, the quality of our relationships reflect our exhaustion. You can’t give what you don’t have, my friend.

In Genesis 1, God creates the world and if you’re familiar with this story, you recall how God stopped working at the end of each day. Then, He took a break at the end of His project, which was creating the world. So, God took regular breaks and then, He took a rest.

To be clear, God didn’t need to do that. But, He did to show us the principle of working hard and then, choosing to take breaks and allowing ourselves regular periods of rest.

It took years for me to break the habit of non-stop work. In my mind, I used to say things like, “I’ll just do one more thing” or “If I don’t do this, I’ll be behind later.” Can you relate?

Do you want to know what helped me break my bad habit of not taking breaks or resting? Sabbath or what I call "Shut Down Days."

For my entire life, I've been a work-a-holic until fifteen years ago when I began to follow God’s Sabbath example, which Jesus reaffirmed in the New Testament. 

Shut Down Days mean that I have no apointments or obligations on my calendar for work. I don't plan housework or errands. I let my mind rest from problem-solving.  (Even when I was married and had kids at home, I would do urgent cleaning the night before my Shut Down Day and arrange a crock pot meal or takeout.)

On Shutdown Days, my soul takes a deep breath because I'm not pushing myself. I am gentle with my body and I can literally feel my brain recharging and my body repairing itself.

Here's a bottom line that I use to remind myself: "You are blessed when you rest."

I know that many of you know that you need to do this, but you aren’t sure that you can make it work for your life. Here’s what years of a weekly Shutdown Day has done for me:

1. Increased Faith - I also have time to reflect on my relationship with God and I can listen for any the Spirit’s without feeling rushed.
2. Freedom from Control-Loving Behaviors - Each week, I must trust God with whatever I am not getting done that day. Practicing letting go of control on my Shutdown Day makes it easier for me to let go of control on other days.
3. Stronger Mental Health - Our brains need rest just like our bodies. Giving my brain a break from planning and problem-solving allows it to recharge and work better the rest of the week. Trust me, this works!
4. Loving Others Better - Since I have a whole day with no meetings or obligations, I can catch up with my loved ones and friends. I can ask how people are doing, listen and pray for others. A Shutdown Day is a great way to improve relationships!

Which one of these looks the most attractive to you?

If you feel like you're about to fall apart because you're life is spinning out of control or you exhuasted, a Shut Down Day maybe what God wants to use to recharge and recalibrate your mind, bodies and souls.

Friends, when people ask me how I can keep my busy travel, write books and encourage others, my weekly Shutdown Day is a huge reason why.

I’d love for you to try a Shutdown Day if you don’t always have a rest day. FREE RESOURCE: I’ve got a quick start-up guide and you can download here.

Don’t worry about being perfect to start. As a best-selling author says, “Make progress, not perfection.”

I truly hope that today’s Labor Day inspires you to start this life-giving habit!

COMMENT BELOW: Which one of the Shut Down Day Benefits is most attractive for you? If you regularly take a Sabbath, how are you blessed?