by Barb Roose | Jul 5, 2018 | Reflections
by Barb Roose
On the list of things that I hate in life, spiders lead the list. But, following close behind is when a server at a restaurant asks if I’m ready to order. Friends, I’m absolutely AWFUL at choosing what to eat. It doesn’t matter if I’m at a restaurant or my friendly neighborhood Chick-Fil-A. So many choices and I hate that I could make the wrong choice! Most of the time, I end up ordering the same thing just so that I can avoid the stress of chosing.
I wish that I was a little more like my friend, Ben. When he goes out to eat, he just tells the server to choose for him. That’s right! Ben lets the server make the choice and he’ll eat whatever the server brings. (If you ever decide to do that, let me know what happens!)
Making decisions can be so stressful. Perhaps you can relate to some of my thoughts:
- What if I make the wrong decision?
- What if someone gets hurt because I make the wrong choice?
- What if I hate the choice I make?
- What if there is something that I don’t know before I make this choice?
Any of those sound familiar? If so, you aren’t alone! Keep reading because I’m sharing wise words that I heard years ago that took the fear out of my decision making.
A few years ago I had a choice: stay at my beloved job working on a great church staff team and the security of a regular paycheck OR take a leap of faith into full time speaking and writing and give up my job, influence and financial security. I spent almost six months praying, working the numbers, and talking with friends. But, there came a time when I had to face my fork in the road and make a decision because the pressure of both was closing in. Anyone out there can relate?
What’s your “fork in the road?”
- Keeping your job or take a risk with a new career;
- Remaining in your hometown or move away to a new place with more opportunities;
- Saying “yes” to more influence and responsibility, but saying “yes” means a greater risk of failure;
- Staying in a friendship with an unreliable friend or nurture a promising new friendship;
Making decisions can be so stressful! How many times have you looked up and said, “God just tell me what to do!”
Too many times we think that there is only one right choice. Most times, both choices are right. But we think that God will only be on our side if we can just figure out the one choice that He prefers. But what if God isn’t as concerned about your choice, but your commitment to Him? Could the greater lesson be that God wants you to trust that His power to take care of you isn’t based on the choice you make, but WHO you’re trusting in when you make that choice.
Years ago I ran across a quote that helped me when I face forks in the road and have to make tough choices.
“Sometimes you make the right decision. Sometimes you make the decision right.”
Embedded in the wisdom of this quote is that both choices are God-honoring, that I’ve prayed for God’s wisdom and that I’ve asked others for wise counsel. Once all of that is done, then this quote has freed me to actually make my choices.
I can hear some you now: But Barb, what if I make the wrong choice? Then you make it right.
As far as I’m concerned, a wrong choice is when my decision moves me down a path away from of my relationship with God. That’s the flagship indicator of a wrong choice.
Important: Just because something is hard doesn’t mean that you’ve made the wrong choice. Often the harder choice is right because hard choices often mean we must trust God more. When you step out in faith you’ll discover that Satan wants to discourage your attempt at faith by throwing obstacles in your way to get you to question God’s ability to take care of you.
By the way, remember this: Sweet friend, there are few things in life that cannot be undone. And for a path that we choose that can’t be undone, then we trust God to take care of us as we forge our way.
As far as my journey a few years ago, I made the hard, hard choice to leave my staff job. As soon as I made the decision, I felt such peace after weeks of agonizing over the choice. But, I also cried every day for six weeks after making the choice because I knew what my choice ultimately meant. Furthermore, two weeks after I left my job, a financial crisis hit my family. Com’on God, are you kidding me, was my first thought. But, instead of regretting my choice or beating myself up for leaving, I let the shock pass and I dug my feet into praying and trusted God. It took six months for things to calm down. So, that meant that I had six months to learn more about trusting God in new ways.
COMMENT: How do you feel about the quote? Are there choices that you’re worrying about today? How can we pray for you?
by Barb Roose | Jun 19, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
“If we hide the fact that Dad drinks too much, then no one will know.”
Did you grow up in a home where things like drinking or drugs weren’t talked about? Too often, when someone that we love is struggling, silence seems easier than saying something or possibly the wrong thing.
Today, I’m talking with author Kimberly Dewberry about her new book, Three Weeks to Forgiveness, which tells her story of God’s redemption in the dark places of addiction. In our conversation today, Kimberly talks about what it was like growing up with an addicted parent and perhaps, her reflections and stories might hit close to home.
Here is a recap of some of the questions that I asked Kimberly today. I’d encourage you to listen to and share today’s interview if you grew up with an alcoholic family or you know someone currently living in that difficult situation.
What are your earliest memories of your dad’s addiction in your life?
“I remember going through hiding places where my dad would hide his partial or empty bottles. My mom wanted me to help her get rid of my Dad’s alcohol and get it out of the house. But I didn’t understand what we were doing. At that point, I started to blame myself. Somehow, I thought that I was the one who made my dad start drinking again. I thought that I was being punished for something. At the time, I didn’t understand the feelings that I was having until I began going through recovery later in life.”
If you could go back and talk to yourself at 15 years old, what would you tell her?
“If I could go back and talk to my 15-year old self I would say, ‘You did not cause this. This isn’t something that we caused or something that we could control. Honey, your mom doesn’t know what to do. She’s desperate. She reached out to you because she didn’t know what else to do.'”
As a teen, how did you react to your dad’s alcoholism?
“I was rebellious. I made horrible choices as a teenager and during much of my adult life. I was constantly searching for something and at the time I didn’t know what I was searching for. Now, I know that I was searching for confirmation that I was loved.”
How did your dad’s alcoholism make you feel about yourself?
“I equated my dad’s isolation and silence with lack of love. That carried over to other relationships. So in other relationships, I felt that if they weren’t talking to me, then they didn’t love me.”
What role did God play in your life? Why did you turn away from God?
“Our family didn’t go to church when I was a kid. I got saved in my 20’s but one of the most important things that I didn’t have was a good mentor to help me or guide me. I was trying to do it on my own, but I didn’t know what to do. So, when I turned away from God, it was really out of selfishness.
I wasn’t angry or bitter at God. But I had done so many bad things that I didn’t feel like God could love me anymore. I felt like God was so disappointed with me. I thought that I was too far gone, so that’s why I turned away from God.”
What negative behaviors/patterns did you struggle with during your adult years?
“I’ve been married three times. I constantly sought my value in relationships, especially with men.” I also struggled with co-dependent tendencies. I thought that I’d be happy as long as everyone else is happy. So, I tried to control people, situations, finances, outcomes ,and kids. I felt so out of control on the inside that I tried to control everyone else on the outside.”
How did your dad come to live with your family before he died?
“After years away from the family and living on the streets, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He was released from the hospital and since he had nowhere to go, he came to live with me. It had been five years since I’d seen my dad.
It was through those three weeks of dad living in our home, that was the major event though God broke down the walls of anger, bitterness and how to show grace and forgiveness to my dad. I had a brick wall around my heart and God broke that wall down during those three weeks.”
What does it mean for you to find recovery as an adult child of an alcoholic?
“Who I am isn’t defined by my past. Who I am is defined by Christ. And I could not have realized that if it hadn’t been for God bringing Dad back into our lives for such a short period of time. After Dad died, I was grieving a lot. I got help from a Christian counselor and that’s when I heard terms like “adult child of an alcoholic” and “recovery.” I was really confused because I thought that it was my Dad with the problem. But, I realized that I needed help, so I started with Al-Anon and then moved over to Celebrate Recovery.
In recovery, I realized that I had a problem, too. I have issues that I need to work on. I cannot control what other people do, I cannot control what other people say and I cannot control how other people act. Through recovery I was able to see that God is in control and He is the one that plans our steps. It’s our decisions and our free will that allow us to either go God’s way or our own way. I have learned that by going God’s way that I can have peace, serenity, and love.”
Who needs to attend a recovery program?
Sometimes, we don’t know that we need recovery until we start going. If you are feeling out of control and yet you try to control everyone, then consider talking to a licensed therapist/counselor, Al-Anon, or Celebrate Recovery.
Connect with Kimberly – Three Weeks to Forgiveness Book | Facebook | IG | Twitter
About Kimberly Dewberry
Kimberly Dewberry struggled for 25 years to cope with the pain, hurt, guilt, regret, unworthiness, and shame brought on by her father’s addictions. Because of the loving grace of Jesus Christ, she has broken free from the shackles of rebellion and anger, and made it her life’s mission to share her journey through courageous prose.
Kimberly and her husband Patrick are the parents of 6 grown children between them and live in the Dallas area with their two super cute Boston terriers, Delilah and Daphne. Kimberly enjoys writing, reading, Bible art journaling, participating in Bible studies, and dating her husband.
SHARE A COMMENT WITH US: Did you grow up in an alcoholic home? How did your parent’s disease affect your life? How did God help you deal with the pain and brokenness?
by Barb Roose | Jun 11, 2018 | Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
Do you remember that 90’s song, “Y’all gonna make me lose my mind / Up in here, Up in here”?
While a hugely popular rap song, it’s also the unofficial anthem of the super-stressed out or anxious person. It’s the kind of song you’re tempted to spit out when the unexpected or uninvited chaos pushes you mentally, emotionally, or financially toward the edge. Have you ever felt like you might lose your mind over the following:
- …Your car repair cost may require listing your kidney on Ebay;**
- …You have to wait all weekend to call the doctor for test results on Monday morning;
- …You’ve been hearing layoffs rumors.
When uncertainty or chaos lands in our lives, our bodies feel the stress and we experience symptoms like: a racing heartbeat, nausea, sweaty palms, numbness, or the inability to sleep. It’s so hard to pray when we’re feeling stressed out! Yet, connecting with God is our best chance to find help and hope in our chaotic or uncertain situations.
A few weeks ago, I was heading out of town for multiple speaking engagements the weekend that my new book and Joshua Bible study launched. It was an important weekend! So, when I lost my rental car keys and then found them locked in my regular car (and my husband had the only keys to that car), my stress level soared through the roof.
Yet, I knew that I couldn’t let my emotions be in charge of the situation because God was truly in control.
So, I activated one of the tools that I developed to help me reduce those physical anxiety symptoms so that I could reconnect with God. It’s called the CALM Technique. This is one of the many tools that I’ve included in my new book, Winning the Worry Battle. Give it a try!
- Count to 10 (Inhale on the number; Exhale the word MISSISSIPPI)
- Acknowledge God’s presence by saying: God, I know that You’re here with me right now
- List – Tell God what you are afraid of or worried about
- Meditate – Keep repeating the following: God is here and He will take care of me/this
This exercise can reduce your physical distress so that you can open up a conversation with God. I love this tool because it equips us to walk in the blessing of God’s promise in Joshua 1:9: “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)
I don’t know what’s on your mind today. But, if you’re prone to meltdowns like me, practice the C.A.L.M. technique a few times today. Then you’ll be ready to use this tool to help you calm down during anxious times and connect with the God who promises to take care of you.
**Okay, so listing kidneys on Ebay is sooooo illegal. But, I don’t think that I needed to tell you that…
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: What are you stressed out about today?
by Barb Roose | Jun 4, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
If you’ve struggled with praying, figuring out what to say, felt guilty about not praying enough, or wondered about does prayer even make a difference, today’s episode is for you!
This week’s Better Together guest is best selling author, Janet McHenry. Janet is a national speaker and author of 23 books, including six on prayer, most notably the best-selling PrayerWalk and her new book, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, which is being released this week.
Janet’s prayer walking practices have been featured in magazines such as Health and Family Circle, and she has been interviewed widely on national and local radio programs about prayer and prayer-walking. A recently retired English teacher and academic advisor, Janet and her husband Craig have raised four children in the Sierra Valley, where she loves walking with her Personal Trainer, Jesus.
On this week’s episode, Janet and I discuss:
- How falling down her steps helped Janet discover a new way to pray;
- How God used a baby and single dad to teach Janet a powerful lesson about praying for others;
- How to pray “two-sided coin” prayers (love this!)
- Hope if you’ve been wondering if prayer really matters.
Janet will be such an encouragement to you if prayer has been tricky. She gives some great advice as well as shares stories from how others have leaned into prayer for everyday life.
Janet’s book, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus: What Jesus Prayed and How It Can Change Your Life Today, is now available at Christian bookstores and all online booksellers. So many speakers and authors that I admire have amazing things to say about this book.
BEST OF ALL! Janet also sent me a copy to give away to one of you! Just leave a comment on the below about this episode and I’ll pick a winner on Wednesday, June 13.
LINKS FROM TODAY’S SHOW:
Janet McHenry’s website | Facebook | Prayer Walking
The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus: What Jesus Prayed and How It Can Change Your Life Today
50 Life Lessons for Grads
About the Better Together podcast?
Barb Roose is host of the Better Together podcast. She is a speaker and author with a passion to help women win at life with strength and dignity. Barb has been speaking at women’s conferences, events and retreats since 2005. She is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including the new book Winning the Worry Battle and Bible study Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle.
Barb and her husband, Matt are the parents of three daughters, Kate, Sami ,and Abbie. They love their dog, Quimby and a now 10-year old rabbit that threatens to live forever. She loves Jesus, new adventures, her FitBit, chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and fabulous high heels.
by Barb Roose | May 23, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
What are you missing out on if you aren’t connected with any millennials?
It’s become really easy for us to criticize the Millennial generation, those individuals born between 1981 and 1996 (according to Pew Research). How many times have you heard or maybe you referred to Millennials as “entitled” or said “they have a poor work ethic”?
My Better Together guest today is the exact opposite of the common (and untrue) stereotypes attributed to today’s Millennials. Lauren Gaskill is a speaker, author, podcaster, and entrepreneur – and she’s 25 years old. That’s right! Seriously, what were you doing at 25?
Lauren has been my friend for a long time – I’m so excited that you get to meet her. Lauren emailed me years ago because she wanted to connect with women in ministry who were farther down the road in experience and faith. But, friends, I’ve learned so much from this brilliant young woman.
Her first book, Into the Deep, comes out in November 2018 (Abingdon Press). A long-time competitive swimmer, Lauren uses water as a word picture and writes about intentionally stepping out in faith and asking Jesus to show up big in our lives. While many of us get accustomed to playing it safe, this young woman just might light a fire under your complacency as you listen to her today.
Lauren knows what it’s like to face real struggle, both in circumstances and faith. She was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome years ago. It’s a connective tissue disorder that often leaves her in tremendous pain and suffering from anxiety.
“A year ago, I was in a pretty bad spot. I remember looking at my husband and saying, “‘I think that I might need to be in a psych ward.’ It was a scary place. I am so glad that my faith got me through it. The Jesus inside of me is stronger than the darkness that tries to overtake me.”
Girl, preach.
During today’s conversation, you get the chance to hear from one of the best and brightest leaders that we have, especially in the Church today.
CONVERSATION STARTERS WITH MILLENNIALS
If you feel like God wants you to invest more of your life and time into the young people at your church or in your community, here are few “conversation starters”:
- Who are the people that you admire?
- What kind of parent do you want to be?
- If you could fix any problem in the world, what would it be?
- What are some issues that older adults get crazy about that you don’t understand?
- In addition to preaching the Gospel, how else can the Church help you grow in your faith?
- How can I help you?
LINKS FROM TODAY’S PODCAST
Lauren Gaskill Website | Facebook
Ticket information – She Found Joy Tour (Fall 2018)
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
About the Better Together podcast…
Barb Roose is host of the Better Together podcast. She is a speaker and author with a passion to help women win at life with strength and dignity. Barb has been speaking at women’s conferences, events and retreats since 2005. She is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including the new book Winning the Worry Battle and Bible study Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle.
Barb and her husband, Matt are the parents of three daughters, Kate, Sami, and Abbie. They love their dog, Quimby and a 9-year old rabbit that threatens to live forever. She loves Jesus, new adventures, her FitBit, chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and fabulous high heels.
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