by Barb Roose | Mar 29, 2015 | Uncategorized
“What’s the craziest thing that you’ve done in the name of beauty?”
This was a question that I asked over 500 women around the world as part of my 2013 Created with Curves study on beauty.
Here were some of my favorite answers that didn’t make it into the book:
I wanted to be tan so badly, that one time I used Wesson oil and laid out in the sun for two hours! Needless to say I was fried!
I wore silicone breast enhancements that fit into a special bra in my 20’s. One night, I went dancing and one fell out onto the dance floor.
Tried to lighten my own hair. Went to bed brown, woke up orange.
I tried to wax “downstairs” by myself. It didn’t work had there was wax stuck for days…
(Is it wrong to admit that I screamed with laughter over a few of these…)
Some of the most oft-listed responses in the survey was the use of Preparation H to combat puffy eyes and dipping one’s self in vegetable oil before laying out in the sun. If you’ve ever done either of those, you’re probably experience some unpleasant flashbacks right now.
Once upon a time when I was growing up, there was no such thing as the Pinterest for beauty tips. Our beauty advice came from “Seventeen Magazine” or “Glamour.” There were some stupid ideas out there promising to help us get rid of acne or to lose 10 pounds. And some of us listened to every hair-brained idea out there. Like me. I wanted to lose weight my sophomore year of high school. Each day, I only ate a bagel, orange and can of fake generic lemon-lime pop. #didntloseapound #soooohangry
God gave us our bodies for a purpose far beyond what we can think, feel or see in the mirror. It’s a good thing to take care of ourselves – even getting hair highlighted, make-up, etc. But, we can’t just do anything and everything to our bodies .Last week, I read about a woman who died after receiving questionably butt injections in a back room at a beauty salon. My heart broke, for not only her death, but for all of the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that convinced her that she wasn’t enough already.
Wisdom is needed to discern what’s reasonable and wise when it comes to taking advantage of our beauty options. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! Pay attention to those words:
And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. –Proverbs 4:7
For those who love to read between the lines on things, don’t look for hidden meanings behind Proverbs 4:7. Just take the words in for what God is trying to tell you. That’s what I want to share with you today.
I don’t have a list of do’s or don’ts for you. While I have opinions about plastic surgery, HCG diets, oils or any other stuff, my opinions are really only for me. Not for you. Your job is to figure out what God’s conviction for you as it pertains to those beauty-related topics.
Here’s the most important part: Friend, if you don’t know, ASK God for wisdom and guidance. And then, as the verse says, use good judgment.
Too often, we’re looking for a shortcut to fast results, when most of us just need to start with eating more fruits and vegetables and getting more exercise, right? Don’t make it too hard on yourself, friends. Some of the stuff that we need to do to take care of ourselves is common sense.
Never forget, You are beautiful. Discipline yourself to use wisdom and apply good judgment in living out your faith and honoring God with your body.
Q4U: What’s the craziest thing that you’ve every done in the name of beauty?
Thanks for checking out today’s devotional! It’s been such a pleasure to offer the 7-day “Beautiful Devotional” this week. If you missed any of the other posts, I’d love for you to check them out! If you’d like weekly encouragement on topics related to our shape, style and soul, please subscribe by clicking here. It’s fast and easy!
by Barb Roose | Nov 24, 2014 | Uncategorized
Recently, we all got to see Kim Kardashians’ tuckus. While it wasn’t the first time we saw Kim’s undressed girly goodies populating our Twitter or Facebook newsfeeds, it was still a BIG surprise!
I’ve been thinking about what I should say about this for the past week. I’ve also been scanning social media waiting for other Christian women to chime in on the photo that Paper magazine staff wanted to break the Internet. I’ve wanted to say something, but I just wasn’t sure what that “something” should be.
I wonder if I could do that? (photo credit: blacksportsonline.com)
What I don’t want to do is judge on Kim’s decision. I’m not saying that it was a good idea, the right idea or even a bright idea. That’s between her and God. (But you should know that there is no time NEVER, EV-AH that you will see my big behind shining brightly in your newsfeed. That’s not my thang.)
Yet, I’m all FOR having a dialogue about the photo. We don’t need to take shots at Kim’s choices in order to process through what we can learn from this situation and apply it to our lives.
This was the photo that was supposed to break the internet. Paper Magazine staff wanted to create a sensation so overwhelming that internet servers around the world would cripple under the pressure. Well, the photo didn’t break the internet, but over 5 million people visited the magazine’s website to peak at a beautiful smiling woman, wearing a high hairbun and pearls, posing with her glossy rearend showing sunnyside up.
Not only where there millions of page hits, but HuffPost reports that when her husband, Kanye West tweeted the photo, it was retweeted over 80,000. (Can you imagine your fully-clothed rearend getting retweeted 80,000? Try to not cry over that thought.)
A reported asked Kim why she did it. Kim replied that she looked at this magazine shoot as an art project. Her body was an artistic medium to be shaped and reimagined by the artistic eye of the photographer. When I read that sentence, I had an epiphany:
She’s right! Kim’s right! We are a work of art! You, me and Kim!
Our bodies are creations. We are designed by a magnificent Creator. Our bodies are beautiful masterpieces, created for a specific purpose.
One question that separates all of us is HOW will we use our bodies? And that is where me and Kim part company. I’m not judging her, I just think that my created body had a different purpose than how she sees her created body.
But, there is still something positive that I take away from Kim’s photo.
I love her attitude and confidence toward her body. This is the same woman that two years ago was publicly shamed for how her body grew during pregnancy. We all criticize ourselves in the mirror for how we look, yet imagine your face and body appearing online and supersize on magazine covers with millions of people calling you fat? I saw Kim in an interview after she had the baby. She talked about how painful and heartbreaking it was for people to be so mean about how she looked. If that were me, I’d be tempted to pull on a pair of yoga pants and bury myself inside of a carton after carton of chocolate peanut butter ice cream and never come out.
How many times have we just given up when we feel discouraged about ourselves? How many of us struggle with doing the things for ourselves that we need to do?
So, there is a part of me that admires her for not allowing her body critics to have the last word.
We don’t have to agree with how Kim displayed her body in that photo, but we can take something away from the obvious care that she puts into her body and the confidence it took to take those photos. While Photoshop could polish up that photo and her wealth can pay for trainers and special foods, it’s clear that she chooses to spend time on taking care of herself.
Some of us can learn a little something from her example, aye?
TALK BACK TIME! What did you think about my views on Kim’s photo? Do you agree or disagree? Differences of opinions are encouraged – just be nice!
And, if you think that this blog post would encourage a friend today, feel free to share it.
Barb Roose’s new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Stuggle with Beauty will be released in March 2015. Click here to order a copy: http://amzn.to/1rjsMaf
by Barb Roose | Sep 19, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m on my iPhone way too much. Yes, I admit it.
My phone is always beeping, buzzing, ringing (kinda), dinging and it’s got me trained to look at it every time. A few weeks ago, I realized that it was time to get a handle on this issue. So, I decided to activate a tech solution to help me with my tech problem. In fact, I found the “Moment” app to help me monitor social media usage.
Yet, salvation came from another place.
sad face…not really.
At some point during my daughter’s soccer game, I removed my phone from its safe place inside my wallet and placed it on my lap. As I jumped up to cheer for my girl, my phone tumbled down to the concrete ground and landed face down.
As I looked at the shattered screen, I wasn’t mad. Frankly, I was relieved. That spider web of new cracks across my screen looked horrible, but those razor sharp lines provided a powerful boundary. In my desire to avoid slicing my finger tip open, I immediately lost interest in picking up my phone every 10 minutes just to see what’s going on.
Now, I’m on my phone less. While I can’t quantify how much less, I just know it’s less and that’s a good thing. Instead of looking down on a regular basis, I’ve been freed to keep looking up. And, it’s always good to remember that the best of life happens when we are looking up.
Just a reminder to treasure your present because you can’t get it back…
Every moment that I’m looking up rather than looking down is a moment that I can connect with someone, rather than something.
Every moment that I look up versus looking down is a chance to smile at or encourage someone who crosses my path.
Every moment that I look up instead of looking down is a moment to observe those that I love and think of how blessed I am to have them in my life.
Today’s lesson: Look up. Because you’ll never know what you’re missing if you don’t.
Earlier today, I watched a thought-provoking video called “Smart Phones and Dumb People.” It’s a few minutes long – and since social media has trained us to only watch videos that are :58 or less, you’ll have to just gut this one out because it’s worth the watch.
How are you doing with your technology use? Are you obsessed with your iPhone, iPad, Kindle, X-Box, etc? If you’ve conquered your tech obsession, how did you do it? Tell us more – and feel free to share this post if you think others might enjoy it.
P.S. Thanks to our CedarCreek MOMentum leadership team for creating such a great teaching moment and including this video as part of it.
by Barb Roose | Aug 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
If you need a recipe, here’s one for Nutella Ice cream: bit.ly/1rio3ut
We still have one more week of summer vacation at Casa de Roose. However, many of you are bundling your offspring back to school this morning, so I want to share my back-to-school tradition with you: After the kids leave the house, I eat a bowl of ice cream.
Yes, on the first day of school, after the photos are posted and the kids depart, I plop myself on the couch with a spoon. Straight out the container at 8am. And it’s AWESOME!
Why eat ice cream at 8am right out of the container? First, I earned it! You did, too! Let’s be serious – you managed your kids all.summer.long. Some of those days were pretty long. Certain years, my ice cream moment comes with sheer giddiness because we all got through the summer and no one (me) wrung anyone’s (them) neck.
Secondly, on some back-to-school years, ice cream helps to stop the tears. It’s a shock to realize that your baby is heading down the sidewalk toward kindergarten, sixth grade, high school or starting his or her senior year. That’s a lot for a mama heart to absorb! Sometimes, ice cream helps us to embrace that moment and all of the feelings that come with it. (And if you are a milestone-mama this morning or next week, You’re going to be okay.)
My oldest daughter, Kate (right), on her first LAST day of school this morning at West Point/USMA. Her roommate, Bri is on the left. Sigh.
Every day, we mamas grind it out. We’re caring, bossing and moving our kids along. Often, the days blur in and out. But, the first day of school is our annual reminder of how far we’ve come. Yet, that reality never seems to focus until we snap that back-to-school picture.
Seriously, that back-to-school photo crashes me some years. We see our kids with fresh eyes in their new clothes. We see them moving toward the future and we’re not always ready for that. But, that picture reminds us that it’s coming.
(I wish I was at your homes to see the five minutes BEFORE that calm, sweet back-to-school photo – ha! For many of us, the back-to-school photo is a hostage situation under the best of circumstances. I challenge some mom out there to post the picture BEFORE the picture. Who’s gonna do it!)
A moment to start looking forward…
As I sit with my container of ice cream, I envision my kids walking toward their classrooms for the first time. I pray their new classes, lunch time, the tricky combination lock and that their new friends will be good influences on them. I also pray for their teachers and administrators because, well, God bless ’em. By the way, I always toast one scoop to all the teachers out there. This one is for you, teachers!
So, that’s my tradition. I’ll do it next week. I’m only sending one kid back to school for the first time in 16 years. So, there will be a few tears in that ice cream. And a few smiles when I remember, two down, one to go.
Talk back to me! Do you have a back-to-school tradition? How’s the photo moment really going down at your house? What are you celebrating about your school year? Tell us about it!
And if you think that another mama might enjoy this post, please share it with her. Thanks!
by Barb Roose | Aug 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
Dear Marie, It’s your last day in the US. Today, I figured I would distract myself for a little while by writing this blog post. It’s Saturday morning and we’re in the living room.
You’re sitting in the chair across from me while Sami is braiding your hair one more time. You didn’t want have to deal with your hair over the 24-hour journey home. I want to be able to talk to you, however, the only words I’m capable of speaking without tears are coming through my fingertips…
Marie’s arrival at Toledo Express on August 30, 2012.
It’s been tough watching you say good-bye to our family and your friends. When your dad arrived last week, it seemed like a week would be a long time, until the final goodbyes began and time start moving quickly. It’s hard to believe that today is the day. Of course, it’s been quite a stressful morning for you… While we’ve enjoyed a year of shopping together, you’ve had to fit 10-months of American purchases into three suitcases – yikes!
As you’ve been packing, I haven’t been able to bring myself to walk past your room. After 10 months of watching bare walls fill with pictures and mementos of your life in America, my heart hurts at the thought of the looking at a bare room and bare walls. I am so happy that you are returning to your life in Denmark – so happy. But, I will miss seeing you stagger out of your room each morning, sharing beautifully ripe avocados with tomatoes or when you came down the steps calling out, “I got you.”
Marie’s first peanut butter sandwich. She wasn’t sure at first…now, peanut butter is her favorite!
Earlier this week I found the first photo of you coming down the hallway toward us at Toledo Express on August 30, 2012. We had only found out you were coming six days before you arrived. I wish the photo wasn’t blurry, but my hands were shaking so much as you came down the hallway. We weren’t sure how those early moments would go. Our family was so embarrassed that first night when we proudly served you a Danish for dessert – only to find out that Danishes weren’t actually Danish. Our bad.
There were so many “firsts” in the early weeks: first day of school, first American football game and how could we forget your first peanut sandwich. You hated peanut butter at first, but soon, you couldn’t live without it. As we promised, we’ll send over Kroger brand peanut butter when you need it. One of my favorite photos of this year was the picture of you with Kate, Sam and Abbie.
Abbie, Kate, Sami and Marie
The week before you came to America, Matt and I promised your parents that we would treat you like one of our own kids. When you and Kate met for the first time and we snapped the photo of all four of you girls, it was just like you had always been a part of our family. And you always will be.
As the months went on, we had the chance to experience a lot of ups and downs. You really grew up a lot while you were here in the US. Do you remember the chat we had a few months ago? It was late in the evening and you and I were in the living room talking about the important things to know in life. You had come to the realization as to why you were in America this year. And I agreed. My hope is that you will keep that in mind as you continue the next exciting phase of your life. You may be across time zones and a large ocean, but there are so many of us who have been invested in your life over the last 10 months. I think that one of the reasons I wrote those post is so that you might know that where you go and what you do in life matters to so many. no matter how much time or many miles are between us.
Well, Sami is done braiding your hair – and I need a kleenex. I know you see me doing a poor job of not crying. But, I see a few tears slipping down your face as well. That’s okay. Most importantly, your hair looks great! You’re going to look spectacular posing in front of the Eiffel Tower during your long layover in Paris. Lucky!
As you bounce up from the chair to finish packing upstairs, you exclaimed, “Well, looks like I am good to go.” And you’re right. It is time to go.
-Originally posted on June 1, 2013
by Barb Roose | Jul 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
-Andy Stanley
As of today, I’ve been married for 22 years. Double Deuces. Apparently, we’re supposed to exchange copper-theme gifts this year. Suggestions include copper mugs, pitchers or door knockers. Copper?
That’s not happening.
Yet, each wedding anniversary feels like a gold medal for me. I’m proud of every annual milestone. You see, our marriage is a bit like the old Shania Twain classic “Still The One.” Years ago, my parents told us that they figured our marriage would last about three years. Not because they wanted us to fail, but because we had so much NOT going our way. For instance, we were 20 and 19. We were an interracial couple making minimum wage and only halfway through college. Oh, and I was six months pregnant. The deck was definitely stacked against us.
However, I’ve learned that our circumstances weren’t our greatest challenge. Our greatest challenge in staying married was us – our personalities, our choices and our flaws.
Yet, in spite of us, we’ve stayed together. God gets the credit for it, because I sure don’t. Furthermore, I’m so grateful for the guy who stuck beside me all of these years while I’ve had to figure some things out.
I’m no expert on marriage, but I am wiser now. Mostly, because I’m learning from the mistakes I’ve made. So, to celebrate our 22nd anniversary, I thought I’d share some of the things that I’ve learned about myself, my husband and marriage.
What I’ve learned over the past 22 years of marriage…
1. Your wedding day should NOT be the best day of your marriage. My husband told me this on our wedding day and it’s the #1 advice I share with new brides. It’s okay to put lots of time and energy into planning a fantastic wedding. Just make sure that you put even more time and energy into making every day the best day of your marriage.
We married in a lilac preserve (that burned down the next year).
2. Smile. Smiling goes a long ways, ladies. But, when we get busy or tired, our smiles are the first to go. Here’s a quick exercise: Take out a mirror and say your husband’s name in your annoyed or exasperated voice. Look at your face while you are talking. Not attractive, right? Now smile and say his name in the mirror. That’s the smile he fell in love with. Let him see it more often.
3. Marriage is hard. Don’t forget that your flaws and struggles make your marriage hard. We are so quick to see the places where our husbands’ have failed us and blame them for our misery. What should you do? Instead of wanting your hubby to shape up or make your relationship better, step up and deal with your issues and let him handle his. (Even if he doesn’t deal with his issues, your relationship will be better just because you’ve dealt with yours.)
He still has that smile.
4. Let him decide on stuff. Wives don’t have the corner market on how stuff should get done. Husbands have good ideas, too. Different, but good. My hubby loves to grocery shop. For years, I didn’t want him to buy groceries because he didn’t do it my way. Then, I finally agreed to let him go grocery shopping. Sure, he does it his way. But, not my way. Yet, the world still turns. Most importantly, I don’t have to go grocery shopping anymore. Score!
5. Laughing together can overcome many, many bad days. Laughing together can keep you together – especially when times are tough. My husband and I laugh like rockstars together. Once, we watched all of the “Real Men of Genius” commercials in a row and laughed so hard that we drooled on each other. It was awesome.
6. You can be happy or right. Trust me, it’s not the same thing. You can’t be happy and right. Well, you can be, but your husband and marriage will suffer. Trying to be right will put you in the loser column every single time. Pick happy instead.
7. He isn’t saying everything he is thinking, so neither should you. This is pretty self-explanatory. Say less. Smile more. (I have to keep reminding myself of this.)
8. Be kind to your hubby and get some girlfriends. Your husband was not placed on this earth to fulfill all of your relational needs. Your guy loves you, but he doesn’t have enough bandwidth to cover all your emotional and relational needs. Girlfriends can. Kicking it with the girls can fill the needs that your husband isn’t equipped to fill.
9. Your husband already knows when he screws up. Seriously, you don’t have to tell him. As my husband told me once, “I am not stupid. I know when I mess up. You don’t have to tell me.” I think your husband would agree. If he blows it, he knows it. Pointing it out just makes things worse. A decent guy will handle his business without commentary or help from his wife.
10. Sometimes, he is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to be responsible for managing his feelings and you don’t have to try to fix his bad day. Just leave him alone.
11. Take care of yourself. Women are famous for taking care of everyone else before taking care of themselves. But, we can’t give what we don’t got. If you aren’t emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally healthy, then you will be operating from a deficit. Marriage requires too much for you to be operating from a negative. Figure out what you need to be whole and healthy. Then do it.
12. Marriage is hard. I know I already covered this, but it’s important enough for me to say it again.
Drawing by Gus Galvez (2011)
13. Some of your marriage dreams won’t come true. This is great! If all of your marriage-related dreams came true, you’d miss out on something that was even better than your dream. Over the years, I’ve forgotten about the houses I wanted to buy or the furniture I set my heart on. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I wrecked my relationship by getting upset about things (from the past) that I no longer cared about? In the past 22 years, we’ve share some amazing unplanned moments. These moments that were far better than any failed dreams.
14. Forgive. Sister, you gotta let go of stuff. Forgiveness gives you an opportunity to be the best spouse that you can be. Being angry or bitter is just as wrong as his bad behavior that hurt you. Holding a grudge won’t change his behavior, especially bad behavior. It just makes you miserable. Forgiveness keeps you healthy and whole, even if he’s having issues. You’ve messed up, too. Give what you someday want to receive.
15. Never put the kids (even adult kids) before your relationship with your husband. If you love your kids, take care of your marriage first. Taking good care of your marriage will naturally overflow into taking good care of your kids. (This also goes for women who still have a close relationship with Mom. Don’t make your husband compete with your mom.)
16. Date Night or Divorce. Your marriage has a high mortality rate without a regular date night. It’s cheaper to go out for regular date night and reconnect than pay financially and emotionally for divorce.
17. If your relationship falls apart, start over and make new beginning. We survived a traumatic event in our marriage years ago. It almost ended our relationship. The pain was crushing all around. It took a long time, a lot of forgiveness and individual work on both sides. Now, we have a different, but better marriage. We wouldn’t have gotten to this point if we would not have experienced such pain and hurt. We had to start over again and rebuild in a new direction. It’s possible. (Okay, I know you’re wondering what it is. No one was unfaithful or anything like that. Stuff happens and praise God, we got through it.)
18. Only You…This next one will ruffle some feathers. I don’t think a married woman should have dinner alone with another man who is not her husband. As a former business woman, I know that you have meetings with co-workers or the need to entertain clients. I’m just stating what has been a good boundary for me over the years. We all know co-workers who hooked up because meetings led to lunch. Then, multiple lunches led to dinners. In time, those dinners led to emotional attachments that wrecked a marriage. I hope this one has created some tension for some of you. It’s one of those issues that can put a chink in the trust wall of your marriage relationship. Add a few other marriage stresses and those tiny chinks can turn into cracks. Cracks are bad. Say “no” to crack.
19. You’ll want to give up on your marriage at times. Don’t let the feeling of wanting to give up on your marriage scare or discourage you. Just because you think “it’s over” doesn’t make it true. When that thought or feeling crops up, you’ll have to push through it. There’s no shortcut. You have to choose to stay it in. (This doesn’t apply to those of you who are being abused or with men who are unfaithful. You need to get somewhere safe and get help. NOW!)
20. There’s a time and place for everything to say everything. If your hubby is way off base on an issue, instead of arguing him down, take a break from the drama. You don’t need to have the last word. Just calmly walk away. A smart guy who values his wife will take his cue from your self-control and seek out your opinion once tempers cool.
21. Don’t compare. Theodore Roosevelt once said that “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Don’t judge your relationship with your husband based on what you think someone else’s relationship with their spouse is like. Check out the Steven Furtick quote. Right?
22. Commitment is the path to the “win.” Our goal should be to win in our marriage. What does the “win” look like? A lifetime of growing, changing and learning from each other about what it means to love unconditionally.
I hope that a few things on this list were helpful for you. If you don’t agree with some of them, I’m okay with that. This is just the stuff I’ve learned over the years. Twenty-two years from now, I’ll have another list. Maybe it will be shorter.
Share your thoughts with me – and share this post if you think that it might bless someone else.
Barb
