Last week I had a difficult conversation with someone important to me. This person carries a heavy grudge against God. A lifelong Christian, this person grew up in a home where Bible was weaponized and used as a reason to justify harsh words and frequent punishment. Instead of learning the fear of God as reverence for a holy God, this person was taught that God was hostile and he prioritized punishment over love. Even with a lifetime of knowing the Bible, this person still struggles with lingering hard feelings.

Maybe you can relate. You know that you are saved by God, but you question whether He loves you. Whether the trauma from your upbringing, you’ve been unlucky in love, suffered from poor health, stuck in a painful marriage, or constant financial insecurity you’re pretty sure that God has favorites, and you aren’t one of them.

When the person in my conversation admitted their grudge against God, my heart simply broke for them. If this is how you feel, my heart breaks for you as well. It’s devastating to wonder if God loves you or excruciating to believe that He doesn’t. Not feeling God’s love is like being stuck under a dark cloud. You know the sun is there, but you can’t feel its warmth.

God’s heart hurts for you as well. He knows that when we question His love, we’re vulnerable to Satan's lies. The Enemy of our soul knows that when we doubt God’s love, we’ll justify doing what God knows isn’t good for us. As the proverbs say, this path seems right at first. Instead of finding the substitute for God’s love that we long for, we unintentionally create pain, brokenness, and hurt people around us.

God wants us to experience His love because only He can satisfy our deepest longings for security, acceptance, and peace. If you’ve struggled with believing God’s love for you today, I don’t have any quick fixes or Band-Aids for your situation. But, I do want to share three important reminders that I believe God wants you to hear today:

Let’s pray together:

God, please remove the cloud that I feel between us. You didn’t put the cloud there, but I can’t make it go away alone. I want to experience the warmth of Your love. Help me to shift from judging Your love by my circumstances to trusting Your love by what You’ve already done for me through Jesus Christ in my eternal salvation. In Jesus' name, amen.

FINAL NOTE: If this isn't a challenging area for you, please don’t judge those who struggle with trusting God’s love. Pray for them. I do believe That God is ready and willing to meet anyone in the struggle. If they are willing, God will guide them out of confusion into the clarity and power of His love.

Let go of feeling like you are not a “good enough” Christian and find freedom in Christ by studying Paul’s letter to the Galatians in my Bible study, Breakthrough: Finding Freedom in Christ.

In this six-week Bible study of Galatians, you'll see that believers in the early church struggled to let go of rule-keeping and performance in order to embrace God’s free gift of grace.

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like God is disappointed with you, wondered if He loves you or you've felt trapped by rules or religion, this study will provide a path to discover your freedom in Christ.

On Friday, I walked with a young wife and mom across a parking lot to our cars. I wore a black top, black pants and black heels on a very warm Ohio day. We’d attended a funeral at my church that morning for an amazing young 39 year-old husband and father named Cory Stevenson.

He’d passed away suddenly on May 24 and it feels odd to say this, but I was thankful that I was able to attend his services. I’d been in North Carolina last week, but returned home the night before his funeral. I’d known Cory since his early 20’s.

When he was 17, Cory underwent an important surgery addressed a congenital heart defect. He started attending our church as a teenager, brought his family to church, graduated from college, married Bethany and started their family. He'd lived a life of purpose, faith, fun and adventure before an aneuryism in his heart suddenly shortened his life.

Whenever we lose someone too soon, the questions and confusion hits deep. For sure, Cory is with Jesus. His family celebrates his eternal life, the grief is hard and confusing. We miss him. Cory was the kind of husband and father who raised the bar into the stratosphere for other men because of how much he loved and served his family.

While I’d love to share more of Cory’s life with you, let me return to my parking lot walk with that young mom and why I’m writing today. After the funeral she text her husband and said, “Honey, we don’t have enough pictures with each other.”

During the funeral, this wife and mom had an a-ha moment. She realized that if something happened and she passed away, her husband and kids wouldn’t have many photos of her because she was too busy taking photos but not appearing in them.  

Cory’s beloved wife, Bethany, seized every opportunity to capture photos of everyone in their family, including herself. When Bethany had to choose photos for Cory’s wake and funeral, she remarked that she had too many photos. Yet now, she’s grateful for every single photo of her life with Cory now that he’s gone.

Ladies, far too many of us are missing in family photos or we’re tucked way in the back with just our head showing. Women are like ninjas when it comes to avoiding photos or hiding themselves. You know that I’m telling the truth. Look through the photos on your phone if you doubt me. I hope that I’m wrong!

Dove reported that 56% of women untag themselves from photos because they don’t like how they look. Additionally, women are usually the ones organizing the photo situation to capture the moment so “I’m the one taking the photo” is an oft-used excuse that is fine now, but your family will pay for it later.

You aren’t going to live forever. Be intentional now about leaving behind memories. We don’t know how long our lives will last, but those photos of you will can be a part of your legacy for generations to come.  

For we are God’s masterpiece.

He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

-Ephesians 2:10 NLT

This is God’s truth about you, my friend. You are God’s magnificent creation. When He made you, God did a beautiful work. Your value as God’s masterpiece isn’t dependent your hair is done, your make-up or your current weight. As Rick Warren says, “You are here on this planet on purpose and for a purpose.”

Taking photos is the evidence that you leave behind as evidence your life as a Christ-follower. I love that Bethany has photos of Cory playing bass on our church’s worship team. Cory’s faith and love for Jesus inspired his kids. Before the funeral, Cory’s son, Colton, asked Bethany if he could sing a worship song at his dad’s funeral. I used up many tissues as he sang in honor of his dad. Whew.

What if you could shift your mindset on taking photos?

If taking photos is tough because you don’t like how you look, there’s 100% compassion here. You aren’t alone. But what if you can shift your perspective? 

What if you put yourself into photos that capture how you live and love like Jesus with your friends, co-workers, family and others? Preserve memories of you hugging, creating, kissing, baking, driving - all the things that you do as the hands and feet of Jesus so that after your life here is over, your loved ones will be overwhelmed by the photos memories of you loving them well.

This all gives me an idea. Ready?

Introducing the 100 Photo Challenge!

It’s summertime, my friend. Here’s your chance to capture 100 photos of YOU in the picture with family and friends this summer. You can also take photos of yourself living out your faith, like reading your Bible or praying. Take one photo a day and you’ll have 100 pictures by fall.

Friends, let love to see your photos! I’d love to feature your photo and story in a future Happy Monday weekly,  email me at barb@barbroose.com   My lovely assistant, Kayla will remind me to check in with you throughout the summer to make sure that you are intentional about this challenge. Who’s with me? Email me and say “I’m in!”

Let’s do this!

Years ago, I returned home from a two-week mission trip to a house overrun by fleas. It seemed that our dog, Quimby was a mobile hotel and taxi service for untold numbers of tiny, winged terrorists infesting our home.

But, I didn’t see the fleas at first. When my family mentioned that the dog might have fleas I shrugged it off.She’d had fleas before and we dealt with them pretty quickly. Besides, after two weeks in hot humid Central American weather, I figured that the fleas could wait until I’d had a shower and a good night’s sleep.

When I sat up in bed the next morning, I noticed something hop across my comforter. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a flea. There was a flea in the bed with me!

I hopped out of bed and tried to block all thoughts of how many fleas jumped on me overnight. I made myself stop thinking about how many may have crawled in my mouth. According to one urban myth, people may swallow up to eight spiders a year during their sleep (Note: This is not true, but I still try real hard to keep my mouth shut when I sleep).

Our fears in life are a lot like my dog’s fleas. Left unaddressed, our fears can quickly multiple and overtake our life. One fear about your health can quickly multiple into other fears about your finances, the future or other fears. There are times when we are going to be afraid and we don’t need to beat ourelves up. But, what we can’t do is let fear become an infestation in our hearts and minds. If you’ve been overwhelmed by fear, today’s post is for you. Even if you have just a few fears, keep reading. Just like one flea can quickly turn into hundreds, so can unchecked fear.

Do you know that the Bible has over 300 verses stating “do not fear” or “do not be afraid”? Why? I believe it’s because God knows that our broken, uncertain world is tough to live in. Emergencies will happen. Bad news will come. Questions will be unanswered. It’s natural to feel afraid at times, but God wants to remind us that we don’t have to LIVE in fear.

One of my favorite “do not fear” verses is Isaiah 41:10 NLT: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

That’s good, isn’t it? Look at that verse. The reason that we don’t have to fear is because God is with us. What else does God say that He will do for us?

Here’s something to remember today: God is bigger than your biggest anxieties.

When God tells you not to be afraid, His character is the reason why. It is God’s faithfulness, His power, His love andHis strength that hold you secure in when everything is shaky around you. When we forget God or don’t believe that God is big enough, fear will show up and dig in.

In order to kill Quimby’s fleas, I had to find a weapon powerful enough to not just cripple, but kill those winged creatures. We can take the same approach to slaying our fear.

Are you ready for a practical tool to do this? I’ve shared it before and I’m going to do it again because it’s a tool that I still most many days of the week.

God-Morning/God-Night Technique

1. Take a notecard and write two or three “do not fear” verses on both cards.*
2. Put one card by your bed and tape one on your bathroom mirror.
3. Read read those verses first thing in the morning and read them again at night. You can also carry the card with you during the day.

Focus on God when fear creeps in. Let God win your worry battle! We can kill off fear and worry when we concentrate on God’s powerful Word!

Here are some verses that you can choose from: Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 56:3-4, John 14:27, Hebrews 13:6

JOIN THE CONVERSATION: What worries battles have you been fightng lately? Do you have a favorite "do not fear" verse that helps you to focus on God?

Have you ever tried to fight worry with faith and felt you were losing the battle?

Check out Barb’s Bible study, Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. In this six-week study on the book of Joshua, you’ll learn how to fight in faith and scripture-based new tools to overcome your daily struggles and the bigger battles of fear that we all face!  (Leaders’ guide and teaching DVD available separately.)

I received an email from a mother who has a good relationship with one of her young adult kids, but is concerned about the decisions that this child is making.

The mom wrote that she’s completed my Surrendered Study and has learned how to let go of control-loving behaviors. Yet, she sees her child making unwise decisions that will likely have long-term consequences.

She gave me permission to share a portion of her email with you:

“It’s not easy letting go but after my initial “letting go” of (my child’s) situation in fall 2021, I DO know that God answers prayer and is faithful. I’m struggling more this time around to be honest. Should I completely let go, not say anything or is it reasonable to provide some counsel (we actually have a fairly tight connection) and direction?”

Even though you hear me talk a lot about surrender and letting go, there are times when tough conversations must happen, especially when you observe dangerous behavior or you’re watching someone’s life slide sideways. Unfortunately, direct confrontations are tricky. It’s easy for out-of-control emotions to erupt into accusations and demands that wound relationships. Fortunately, there’s another way.

Today, I want to introduce you to a tool that I introduced in my Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle Bible study called the “Carefrontation Sandwich.”

Renowned psychotherapist Dr. Harris Stratyner created the term “Carefrontation” as a treatment approach to help addicted individuals. Rather than direct confrontation, which can create defensiveness or shutdown, Dr. Stratyner advocates a Carefrontation approach which allows for a kinder, gentler road toward accountability and treatment.

Since I like food, the best way for me to think about a Carefrontation conversation is like a sandwich. Keep scrolling down and I’ll explain.

Here is a peek into how a Carefrontation might look. By the way, I’ve created a printable FREE RESOURCE that includes a full Carefrontation example written out for you on the second page.

Step 1: Slice of Love on Top

Affirm the person’s value and the relationship. Tell them how important they are to you and WHY they are important to you.

Step 2: Meat of concern

Briefly express your observations, not your opinion. Also, be very careful about expressing others’ observations. Let them speak up on their own behalf.

Step 3: Finish with Slice of Encouragement

Communicate goodwill and share hope for the future. Tell them how you want the best for them, for them to live in peace, experience God’s best and let them know that you are there if they want to talk about healthy (or God-honoring) options to make things better.

NOTES:

• This conversation should actually only be two or three minutes long. An extended Carefrontation increases the risk of losing the other person’s attention span or willingness to listen.

• IMPORTANT: Rehearse your Carefrontation before sharing it! Write it out if you suspect that you might ramble or get emotional. It’s okay to read it.

As Galatians 6:1 teaches that we can directly address each other if we notice sin or struggle. But, more than just words, Galatians 6 also teaches us how to confront with a God-honoring attitude and posture. Even though Galatians 6 is specifically addressed to believers, it can also be a helpful guide when talking with those who don’t follow Jesus.

Bringing up hard topics with someone you care about isn’t easy, but I hope that this tool equips you to have a hard and necessary conversation in a healthy, God-honoring way.

I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU: What’s tough about having these hard conversations with loved ones? What part of the Carefrontation Sandwich could be helpful for you? Hit “reply” and tell about it.

You Can Win Your Worry Battle!

Do you or someone that you know struggle with worry or anxiety? Research reports that the average person worries one hour per day. In fact, over 20% of adults struggle with anxiety disorders. So, if it's not you, then it's definitely people that you love.

He's not beating you up for struggling with worry. Instead, God wants to give you victory over your worry battle!

Join Barb for a six-week in-depth study on the book of Joshua where you'll explore powerful Biblical principles and learn practical tools that really work.

Today is one of those hard dates on the calendar that only I remember. Know what I mean?

It’s usually the date of an anniversary of something in your life that you don’t like to remember, but it broke your heart so deeply that you can’t forget.

Four years ago on March 13, I went to Family Court for the first time to stand before a divorce court judge. I would also see my then-spouse that I hadn’t seen in eight months since the start of our third separation. Every day, I prayed and begged for a miracle of reconciliation that only God could pull off.

On that day in front of the judge, I realized that the miracle wasn’t going to happen. The sound of the judge’s gavel sounded a lot like the closing of a coffin.

While it would take many more months and court appearances officially bury my 26 year marriage, that day in court changed me forever. I felt the ripping of the marriage union of one back into two now broken pieces and I couldn’t stop it.

Facing the death of my hopes, dreams and identity traumatized me in a way that literally left me speechless. For three days, I couldn’t speak. I could text, but words could not come out of my mouth. For a variety of reasons, I know that was God’s way of protecting me because I was forced to rest, be still and let my body deal with the trauma instead of trying to buck up and soldier on.

Last week, I could feel my body getting agitated. When my body starts feeling weird, I’ve learned to look at the calendar. I saw that March 13 was coming. Bingo.

Chances are, you’ve got a March 13 in your life. The date of loss that there are no Hallmark cards for but should be.

💔For you, it might have been the one who got away and you remember the date on the calendar when they left your life;

💔Perhaps it was the day when the doctor came in and shared a diagnosis that ended the life that you knew and changed how you life forever;

💔 An announcement that blindsided or broke your heart;

💔Or it was the day when an fiery fight ruined a friendship or family relationship;

💔 The day when a job loss or layoff that killed dreams of financial security or forced a new lifestyle that you weren’t prepared for…

For all of our differences, we all share the experience of grief, loss and broken dreams. It’s hard, but I promise that God can bringing restoration, healing and peace.

How do I know? That’s what He’s done for me since that painful day 💗

A few thoughts for you:

1. What you lost matters, even if the people around you don’t understand how important it was to you. God does. He validated your loss and He doesn’t minimize it. (Psalm 34:18)

2. Be honest about your loss. Stop stuffing it. Cry it out, my friend. If you don’t acknowledge it, the sadness and pain will ooze out as depression, anger and bitterness.

3. Grieve healthy: Get a counselor. It helps! Also You may need to have what I call “an emotional funeral.” I’ve been doing them for over a decade. This is a biblical tool that I developed to help me grieve, let go and make room for God’s peace and healing in my life. Here's the link  if you want to try the exercise this week.

God sees you, my friend. You aren’t alone in the losses that no one knows about 💗

I’ve noticed that when I have conversations with my friends or colleagues, there’s a marked increase in comments like, “Sheesh, life feels so much harder than before…” So many of us are having such a hard time.

I receive your emails and DM’s about your medical diagnosis, rebellious children, troubled marriages, financial stress and the loss of loved ones. In the last few years, it feels like we’ve all lost so much.

Did you know that there is a word that describes the sense of loss, sadness, depression or anger? It’s called grief.

How you handle your grief determines if you will get better in life or if you will live bitter.

When life doesn’t go as planned, it’s easy for us to get depressed, angry or both. We know that bad things will happen, but we get bitter when we hold onto what’s missing, broken or changed and refuse to let go. In the face of loss, grief plays an important role in giving us an opportunity to let go, move forward and find peace.

Can I introduce you to a biblical healing tool that I created: The "Emotional Funeral." Here are three indicators in your life that you need to have an Emotional Funeral:

1. The opportunity or experience is no longer possible, even if you want it to be.
2. The person or people involved are not willingly cooperating.
3. You sense that God is calling you to let it go.

You have permission to have a funeral right now, if necessary. Give God time to move out your hurt and pain in order to fill that space with His love, healing and peace.

In many cultures, grief is honored. There's an understanding that when someone or something is lost, everyone has permission to feel the pain and sadness.

Unfortunately, in our American culture, grief is considered an inconvenience. It's an uncomfortable emotion that we'd rather shove at the back of the line behind our need to be productive, successful or unbothered.

But grief is big. It's loud, even when we think that we've silenced it. If we don't listen to Grief, it starts to scream in other languages, like self-medicating, depression or  self-harm until it gets our attention.

But, if we honor Grief, it has the potential to be a gift. Grief can become the fertile ground for new joy, hope and even purpose.

Grief plays an important role in helping us accept that pain and disconnection are part of our fallen world. The only way toward health and healing is to embrace grief, fully feel it, and then learn the practice of releasing it back to God.

We all need to grieve these days. I want to help you. If you set aside time to do the following exercise, you will feel relief from some of the tremendous sadness that is building up within all of us.

Here’s how I do this exercise. There are three steps:

Step #1: Be Real

I choose an afternoon for this experience. Then, I pack a blanket, my Bible, a notebook, and a packet of tissues. Then I drive down to a beautiful river a few miles from my house. First, I lay out my blanket on a patch of grass overlooking the water. Then I open up my notebook and begin listing all the unanswered prayers, unmet expectations, and unfilled dreams. I have to be real about what I've lost.  On that day, I need to go through the process of letting go of lost time, lost opportunities, or lost options. Holding onto what has died isn’t healthy or helpful. Letting go is painful but important.

I’m often writing with one hand and wiping my tears with a tissue in the other. The sentences in my notebook begin with phrases such as, “I really hoped,” “I wished,” “I truly thought,” or “I prayed so hard that …” Here are some of my funeral notebook entries:

I wished that I had more time with my dad…

God, I really prayed hard for You to remove the addiction from our home…

God, I hoped so much for a chance to speak at that event…

Step #2: Remember God's Promises

Once I empty myself of disappointments and dead dreams, I grab my Bible and my go-to verses on hope are Jeremiah 29:11 or Isaiah 61:1-3.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I read these verses slowly and even insert my name into the verses. I reflect on God's faithfulness and how He brought me through the difficult circumstance even though it didn't turn out as I'd hoped.

Step #3: Release It All to God

Finally, I pray and surrender the hopes, dreams, expectations that will not be. I acknowledge that my prayer wasn't answered as I'd hoped. This is often a time where the tears flow and big feelings rise up. Sometimes, you may not even have words to say, but you can trust God’s Holy Spirit to speak when I can’t say the words. My funeral prayer is in below.

Letting go and trusting God to bring new life from what you've lost is essential if you want to get better and not bitter.

Here's the Prayer of Release:

I dreamed that (name of dream), but that dream isn’t going to come true. I really wanted it, God! And it hurts. But I need to let that dream die. I need to mourn it and move it out of my heart so that You can fill the space with a new thing for me. Amen.

Conclusion:

What I’ve learned over the past decade of having  emotional funerals is that when I let go of my dead dreams, God plants new ones in the fertile soil of faith that has formed as I fought in prayer for those dying dreams or desires.

My prayer is that when you engage in this exercise, you recognize that God can take your grief and give you healing peace and new dreams for your life.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! LEAD A COMMENT BELOW: What are you grieving these days?  Do any of those indicators apply to your life? Is this Emotional Funeral something that you think that you'd like to do? 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Are You in a "Waiting Room Season" of Life?

In my four-week study, I'm Waiting, God, you'll step into the lives of four women in the Bible who experienced waiting room seasons of life. It's never easy when we pray and have to wait on God, yet, God is always working, even if when you can't see Him.

I'm Waiting, God offers you deep Bible study, extensive verses on hope as well as practical tools that you can use to learn how to wait well on God. Click here to learn more about this Bible study!