by Barb Roose | May 18, 2015 | Women's Topics
Let me fast-forward to the punch line of my story: Two buttons in the middle my button-down shirt popped while I was talking to a best-selling author. And, I didn’t know it until after our conversation was over.
I was hosting a book-signing event for this esteemed best-selling author, so I wanted to look smart and stylish, without appearing that I was trying too hard. So, that morning I selected a lovely plum button-down shirt with a smart, stylish collar. It was a shirt that I’d worn, without incident, many times before.
During our initial meeting, I escorted the author and his tour manager into the auditorium so that we could review the event. I enthusiastically gestured with my arms and pointed out various features in our large auditorium. The author and his road manager were quite engaged during my presentation. To their credit, their eyes were on my face the entire time.
I was on-stage doing weekend announcements and everyone thought that I had a cigarette in my hair. It was a pen. (But, my co-workers are still not convinced – ha!)
After they exited the auditorium stage, I walked down the corridor into the main hallway. A co-worker who was assisting me with the event pointed to the center of my chest. I looked down and I could plainly see the front of my sparkling white, padded bra was showing prominently for all to see. Oh, the horror…
I may be an African-American woman, but I can guarantee you in that moment, my face was as red as the bottom of the pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. I wanted to go home and hid under my comforter and never show my face again. But I couldn’t. The show had to go on!
I quickly buttoned my shirt and plastered a smile on my face before going back to work. I was dying inside, but I faked confidence until my real confidence returned. As the event leader, my team was counting on me not to go sulking into a corner. The night was a success and the author appreciated all of our hard work. He never made a comment about my wardrobe malfunction and to this day, I appreciate his gracious professionalism in the face of my horribly embarrassing moment.
But, that wasn’t my last embarrassing moment. As part of our church’s weekend team and women’s conference speaker, I’ve had a few unexpected clothing disasters over the years. I’ve lived through belts that come unhooked, scarves that slide off and zippers that fall down. I’m not special. We’ve all been there.
While the term “wardrobe malfunction” was made popular after the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson Super Bowl scandal, we’ve all experience one clothing catastrophe or another. We’ve left the house in mismatched socks or a shirt worn inside out. Many of us have split our pants or popped a button on a shirt. These moments are never convenient and the most we can hope for is that we discover that open zipper or stop Aunt Flo’s early arrival before anyone and everyone notices.
So, what do you do when a clothing catastrophe strikes? How do you handle that wardrobe catastrophe with style and sophistication AND without creating additional embarrassment:
- Stay calm – If something has come loose or split apart, stay calm and still. Quick or jerky body movements will make matters worse. Take a deep breath and repeat this: “I will be okay.”
- Enlist a friend – It’s not a good idea to yell, “Oh, my goodness! I just ripped a hole in my pants!” to the entire office. But, you can get the attention of a friend or co-worker you trust to be an ally. This person can be your excuse-maker, clothing donor or human shield, depending on the situation. I suggest asking another woman, but a good guy with a handy suit coat will do in certain situations.
- Plan your exit – Think about how you can discreetly exit from the your current situation with the least amount of attention. You may think that all eyes are own you, but trust me, most are checking their Twitter or playing 2048. Walk quietly and directly to the nearest exit. Beg a friend to follow behind if your wardrobe catastrophe needs a shield.
- Don’t overshare – Once you’ve addressed your clothing drama, come back to the gathering or slide back into your cubicle. Only do this if you can slip back in without drawing attention to yourself or outfit. Here’s the big tip: Don’t overshare about what happened. Letting folks know you had a clothing issue or malfunction is 100% satisfactory without going into details that could be used for office gossip later.
- Let it go. It happened. It was embarrassing. It’s over. You survived. Move on. Smile.
And remember, one day it will happen again.
Q4U: Do you have a wardrobe malfunction story that you’d like to share? Trust me, the best way to overcome the embarrassment is to share it and laugh about it! Let us laugh with you!
Thanks for stopping by and checking out today’s post. If you think that this post could bless another woman, feel free to share it! If you’d like to receive weekend encouragement, CLICK HERE to sign-up for my mailing list. I’d love to stay in touch!
by Barb Roose | May 4, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
News flash: According to our culture, thin is in. And, young is, too.
When we scroll through our social media newsfeeds or pretend not reading People or Star Magazine in line at the grocery store, our eyes capture image after image of youth. It’s hard to not notice the two-dimensional, digitized perfection of bright, unlined eyes, silky cellulite-free legs or taut tummies skin coming at us from every direction. We’re seen the photos of Hollywood starlets, barely out of high school, wearing grown-up hair and clothes posing for pictures that capture their shiny, smooth, youthful skin. No wrinkles. No puckers. Just smooth skin. From head to toe. Even if the photos are tweaked on someone’s laptop before posting, those images are evidence of what the message that our culture wants every woman to bathe in and believe: Only young is beautiful.
Once upon a time (not long ago), I bought into that message. When I was young, that message didn’t create any drama in my life. But, the day I turned 35, that message devastated me.
On the day I turned 35 years old, my husband and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary in glorious Grand Cayman. There I stood against the crystalline blue Caribbean waters with the man of my dreams at my side. I gazed at the beauty of my surroundings and slowly, emotionally began to disconnect from it. I could feel the beauty around me, but I could not feel it in me. I began to crumble. Right there in that perfect moment, I covered my eyes and sobbed in the middle of the street. Like an avalanche, my tears tumbled down my cheeks and a great cry rumbled from the pit of my soul, bulldozing through my tender heart and exploding out of my mouth. My anguish was apparent to the concerned tourists that strolled by. I didn’t care. I just leaned against my husband and mourned the fact that I was losing a connection to something that matter to me: youth.
So, I had the ugly cry. Snot. Loud gasps. More snot. Incoherent words. Doubled over. Tissues weren’t going to help and nothing was going to stop it. Once the ugly cry starts, you’re just in until it’s over.
Photo credit: Pinterest
Y’all know what I’m talking about, right. Oh, please tell me that you understand! It may not make rational sense, but I think you get where I’m coming from. If not, let me try to explain my mental math: 35 years old – day before = 34 years, 365 days = Youth versus 35th birthday = You ain’t no spring chicken anymore.
What a difference a day makes, right? Perhaps, your switch flipped at 29, 39, 49 or 69. I was fine at 29. Marginal at 39, but at least better prepared. But, on that day, my 35th birthday, I feared that the Hands of Time was waiting behind some mirror to start smacking me around. Remember getting birthday spanks for each year? I expected birthday slaps, expecting each strike would remove some evidence of my youth with every blow. What would I lose first?
I sobbed as I wondered, “Can I still go for IT?” “Should I still take risks or settle for easy success?” “Will the world listen to an older woman and take her seriously.“ I might have been standing in paradise on my 35th birthday, but in my heart and mind, I was in a abyss.
This photo was captured mid-air during my June 2011 skydive. I survived. Whew.
My devastation stemmed from the fear that my value was diminishing. Would I be enough as I got older? In my heart and mind, my younger years were filled with courageous moments, crazy risks and a sense that anything was possible. As a woman who loved to strap on her courage and clutched taking risks like a teddy bear, I worried that as I aged, I would lose that “let’s do this” abandon that comes with being a young woman. Deep inside, I still had hopes and dreams to achieve. I wondered if I could still build toward those dreams – and new ones – as an older version of the young-at-heart me.
I wish I could tell you that in the last seven years that I’ve settled into the aging process. (Let me save you the math, I’m 42 now). Don’t get me wrong, I love the wisdom that I’ve acquired with age. If I could go back to the younger version of myself and tell her anything, I’d smack her around a little instead. There were too many times when I knew better, but didn’t do better. I’d also tell her not to be in such a doggone hurry and enjoy life a lot more. #buytheshoes #gotoParis #letthekidseatcookiesfordinner
In the last few years, I’ve challenged myself to keep leaping for what’s next. I’ve gone skydiving, completed a survival race, gone on eight overseas missions trips, published a book, completed three very necessary rounds of professional counseling, graduated two kids from high school and so much more. I’ve got my eyes on going to trapeze school at some point in the future. I’m going to learn how to swing through the air (and hopefully, not die.) Why? Just because.
So, the days of my life may be ticking by, but I realized that the number doesn’t determine the quality of my purpose. Only I do.
And you do, too.
Q4U: If fear or money wasn’t an issue, what would you love to accomplish or try out? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Post them in the comments below – and feel free to borrow some ideas from the other comments!
Thanks for stopping by,
by Barb Roose | Apr 27, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Reflections, Women's Topics
So, last week was the Fabulous Conference and my first book signing event. If I looked up the phrase “dream-come-true” on Google, that search would have shown the image of me sitting atop a bistro chair at the Seagate Centre in downtown Toledo with a line of women waiting for me to sign their copy of my book. Seriously, how did a little brown-skinned girl with big pop-bottle glasses and two giant front teeth grow up and find herself in such an amazing situation?
Thanks to my friend, Andrea Lyn of Proclaim FM 102.3 for taking these photos and creating this lovely collage of my book signing!
Y’all, I’m still pinching myself.
Book signing was just a thrill. A straight-up thrill! I perched myself on that chair during breaks and lunch and met so many women. (That chair thrilled me because it gave my feet a break from the pressure of my fabulous 4″ heels.)
I loved looking into the eyes of each woman who stepped up with my book. I wished that I could have talked to everyone longer, but I had to keep it moving. So, I scribbled brief, heart-felt messages onto the page and tried to engage in conversation. By the way, it’s really hard to write and talk at the same time!
When I handed the book back, there were many precious moments when I heard: “Barb, do you mind taking a photo?”
My heart smiled and I replied: “Not at all! I’d love to take a photo!”
I posed for countless photos, sucking in my stomach, shifting my body toward my “good” side and giving the biggest, hearty grin that I knew how to give. I cherished each and every one of the moments.
Then, I started seeing photos crop up on social media, I began to grit my teeth. Those teeth. My teeth.
If you’ve read through the “Flaw Finding” chapter of my book, you know that I have a difficult relationship with my teeth. Once upon a time, my nickname was “Buckteeth.” Sometimes, that nickname whispers in my ear when I see photos of my smile. When that happens, I’ve got to act quick! Instead of letting that insecurity take hold, I must focus on the goodness, blessing and purpose* that my teeth bring to my life. This is how I do it:
My teeth’s GOODNESS: Well, they let me chomp-chomp on Chipotle. Yum! And, I’d look waaayyy different if I didn’t have teeth. Teeth are good.
How about the PURPOSE of my teeth? For starters, my teeth keep my tongue inside my mouth. (A friend of mine had a dog, who was missing it’s front teeth. So, the dog’s tongue always flopped out the side of its mouth. It was the cutest thing…but it’s not quite the right look for me.) I also appreciate how my teeth allow my speech to be crisp and clear, an important skill for a communicator.
Finally the BLESSING: My teeth add to my hearts’ desire to connect with others because my teeth make my smile seem bigger. People often comment on my smile. (And no one has ever commented on my teeth.)
Thrilled to have Sally Sharpe of Abingdon Women present for my first official book signing at our Fabulous Conference.
Believe it or not, I have to do a lot of self-coaching whenever I see photos of me and my big smile on social media. Using the framework of remembering the goodness, purpose and blessing of my teeth helps me to reign in the attempted run-away feelings of inadequacy that only leads to bad places.
Then, I also work to remember this: Those photos aren’t about my teeth. Just the same as you may have to remember that your photos aren’t about your hips, your hair or your wrinkles.
Those photos are all about what it meant to be present in that moment. In each of those pictures, I want to remember those precious moments and I want to create more of those precious moments, so PLEASE KEEP ASKING ME TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU!
I thought that I’d share a little piece of what’s going on in my heart and mind today. Especially, since I know that many women are sifting through their Fabulous Conference pictures and looking at themselves with the same critical eye that I had to fight off earlier.
Here’s today’s thought: When looking at pictures, FOCUS on the precious moment, not the physical feature.
Q4U: Whenever you see yourself in a photo, what’s the first physical feature that you lock in on? Do you ever delete or untag yourself from photos on social media?
I’d love to hear your comments! Please share them below. If you think that this post may be a blessing to others, feel free to share it! Thanks for stopping by,
*from Chapter 7 “See God First” in Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty by Barbara L. Roose
by Barb Roose | Apr 24, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Ladies, if you are at our 2015 Fabulous Conference, I hope that you are having a great time! It’s been a pleasure and honor to serve alongside my co-leader, Lauren Miller for the past five years. Thank you for being a part of something that I will remember for the rest of my life.
The following are contains the outline and some of the notes that accompany my afternoon talk called, “The Fabulous Life.” For those who want to listen and enjoy (without the pressure of taking notes), you can follow along on this page. If you didn’t attend the Fabulous Conference, I hope that these notes can be a blessing to you, no matter where you are at in life these days.
This was the opening speech at the beginning of my talk by President Theodore Roosevelt in 1910.
The first time that I heard this quote was from 2012 & 2013 Fabulous Conference special guest, Shauna Niequist. Her good friend, Dr. Brene Brown had written a book titled Daring Greatly, a book about authenticity, vulnerability and making the choice to live wholeheartedly, no matter the obstacles in our way.
There will always be a critic. You will always have critics.
Who are your critics? How are the critics stopping you from living life to it’s fullest?
You have a story.
You have passion.
You have hopes & dreams.
You have a God-Given purpose.
Speaking of God, he is the reason why the critics don’t count. And there are four reasons why:
First, God loves you more than you could ever know.
Second, there is more to God then what you understand.
Third, God has put more in you.
Lastly, God wants more for you.
You were made to live.
You were made to thrive
You were made to love.
YOU WERE MADE TO BE FABULOUS!
What would it look like to live the Fabulous life? This morning I talked about how we live joyfully, purposely, and generously.
1. A life that is FOCUSED
It doesn’t matter if you are single, married, single again. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or not, there are a lot of things that you think and care about on a daily basis. Generally, guys can think about a lot of things, but they usually think about them one at a time.
However, I believe that women have what I like to call a “one room heart.” This means that everything that we think and care about flow into each other without boundaries and sometimes all at once.
Living the fabulous and beautiful life, requires focus. What is focus: It’s when we live knowing what we are doing and why we are here.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. – Matthew 6:33
This verse calls us to start with God. When you think about what your plans are or you think about what your purposes, start with God.
“I try to avoid looking backward or forward and try to keep looking upward.”
Author, Charlotte Brontë
A life that is CONNECTED
Who are your “go-to” girls? – if you are going to show up and if you are going to go for “it”, you need cheerleaders who are wise and for you.
A life that is BROKEN & BEAUTIFUL
Kintsukuroi – I wanted to find a picture that described the beautiful life, the Fabulous life.
from Pinterest
Pottery comes in all shapes and sizes. Pottery comes with different purposes.
Yet every piece of pottery is formed from a single piece of clay that is shaped and formed and molded.
There is nothing like a beautiful piece of flawless pottery. When it is glazed and fired and the surface gleams brightly.
But, what happens to a piece of pottery when it breaks? When something breaks, our first impulse is to discard it. When something like pottery is broken, we don’t think that it has any additional usefulness.
In Japan, Kinsukuroi is a form of pottery that was created when individuals begin taking their broken pottery to an artisan in who would put the pieces back together using a special ingredient: gold
The name of the pottery means ‘beautiful for being broken.’
You look at the cracks and see what you did and God wants you to look at the cracks to see what he’s done.
God owns it. He owns the spaces where you think you’re broken.
There will never be a time when gold won’t be valuable.
-2 Corinthians 5:4
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Remember…
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE GOD MADE YOU.
God bless you, friends!
by Barb Roose | Apr 20, 2015 | Women's Topics
We’re friends, right?
And even if you aren’t friends with me on social media or I haven’t been to your house to eat up your ice cream, you should know this about me: I really care about you.
I want you to wake up every morning and smile at yourself in the mirror – even with wicked bedhead and fuzzy teeth.
I want you to fling open your closet doors and slide into tops, bottoms, shoes or accessories that look like your “best you.”
Yet, there’s one thing that’s keeping you back. And, it’s the thing that I’m about to share with you.
My sweet, beautiful friend – lean in closely and read carefully:
GET RID OF THE CLOTHES THAT NO LONGER FIT YOU!
Sorry about the all caps action, but I wanted to make sure that you heard me. I feel bad – I know I just yelled at you. Why? Because I wanted to shout out what you’ve been thinking every time you put on those faded Mom-jeans, shapeless t-shirt or too-small top that won’t stretch anymore. I know you hate getting dressed in the morning because you don’t like what you see in the mirror. In this post, I want to shine some hope into your hearts. So, first let me remind you of an important truth that you might have forgotten:
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
(You know that I just saw you roll your eyes.). I know that many are discouraged by society’s obsession with perfection. But, the truth is that you are beautiful because God created you. Yet, I know that the images and messages around you have obscured that truth and you may not see it as clearly as you did at another time in life.
Beauty is a topic worth our attention. Too many women underestimate the impact of what we see in the mirror. Just get over yourself. Yes, that’s what we say to ourselves in the mirror. Oh, it’s not that important. That’s what we tell ourselves right before the tears stream down our face. Friends, beauty isn’t just about how we look, it’s about the impact on how we think and live. Who we are on the inside DOES matter most. But, how we think and present ourselves physically matters, too. You will connect more freely with the world around you if you feel better about yourself. Think about the people that you could love and serve if you weren’t so self-conscious or preoccupied with your size, shape or style.
Does it really matter if you get rid of the clothes that don’t fit?
Yes. Because every time you look at them, you attach meaning to those clothes. You know that you shouldn’t, but you do. So, I believe that what you own should be the reflection of your “best” you. Even if you toss out everything and have one amazing paid of jeans and one incredible shirt, that’s infinitely better than a closet full of those that make you sad. Don’t wear clothes that make you sad!
Ten years ago, I felt bad on the inside and out. On the outside, I wore shapeless t-shirts, gigantic sweaters, awful fitting Mom-jeans, etc. because I just didn’t care. Inside, I was overcome with disappointment, broken dreams and missed expectations. My clothes made me sad. Frankly, I didn’t care. Ever felt that way? Then, one day, a friend suggested that I simply put on a pair of earrings. Now, we both knew that earrings weren’t going to fix my life, but it forced me to take a moment to care for myself. This triggered something inside of me.
You can watch “What Not To Wear” on Netflix. I learned SOOO much about my personal fit and style from them!
One day, I started watching Clinton and Stacy on “What Not to Wear” and took notes on the clothes that women with my body shape were wearing. Buying new clothes wasn’t an option back then, so I decided to check out the Goodwill. Surprisingly, I found labels like Ann Klein, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, Gap and New York & Co. on those second-hand racks. When I stood before the mirror, wearing clothes that actually fit well, I cried. Why? I no longer saw a 31-year old woman broken down by her life. Instead, I saw a woman who was standing tall with a smile on her face. It felt great. I felt great.
I went home and got rid of everything that didn’t fit or didn’t not make me feel great about myself. for awhile, I wore the same clothes a lot, but I added great-fitting clothes as my budget allowed. These days, I can buy more, but I don’t. Why? I have one other important rule: I only buy what I absolutely, positively LOVE. If I don’t love it, it stays on the rack.
Now back to you: Is it time for you to care for yourself? Are you ready to get rid of the clothes that bum you out when you put them on? Even if you are down to one pair of pants and two shirts, if they make you feel like a million bucks – great! Rebuild from there. In the end, remember this: If it doesn’t “fit”, get rid of it!
Q4U (Question for you): What is one article of clothing that you’ve held onto for FAR too long? How long have you had it? Why do you hold on to it?
I’d love to hear your answers. Just take a moment to comment and let’s encourage each other! If you think this post could encourage another woman, feel free to share it up! By the way CLICK HERE to check out my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. Thanks for stopping by today,
by Barb Roose | Apr 13, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Friends, the pace of our lives is exhausting. Who’s exhausted?
Thanks to technology and innovation, our complex world has created more complexity for our lives. Since we can do more, we do more. My iPhone is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. It allows me to talk, text, email, shop, schedule, purchase, play, and watch every single minute of every single hour of each day – even when I shouldn’t be doing all of those things.
Then, there’s life. Life wears us down, right? Every 24 hours, we cycle through highs, lows, smiles and struggles. We can be celebrating in one minute and feeling like our life is over in the next. It’s exhausted just navigating the emotional and relational swings we must manage throughout the day. How in the world can we stack the deck in our favor so that we don’t break down under the pressure of life. In a word: REST.
When was the last time that you completely disconnected from your life and did absolutely nothing?
Folding laundry while watching television doesn’t count.
Worrying about how you are going to get your life done doesn’t count.
Neither does paying bills on your iPad in bed.
When was the last time you rested? Rest happens when we stop working at our jobs AND at home. Rest happens when we choose to disengage our minds from thinking about those tasks and life’s other pressures. Let me ask you again: When was the last time you rested?
I’m not good at resting. (My friends are laughing at me right now.)
I think some of you are bad at it, too. We don’t want to be bad at resting, but we are – for good reason, right? We are always taking care of someone or something. It doesn’t matter if you are single, married or single again, our feminine mindset drives us to constantly nurture or fix our environments. It doesn’t matter if you are motivating your sales staff, raising children, cleaning the house, listening to friends on the phone or growing our garden, most of us are ALWAYS doing something. Good things.
But, here’s a truth: At some point, we’ve got to press the “power down” button and voluntarily – even forcefully remove ourselves from the worship of Busyness. We must take time to sit our down and rest.
God Blesses Rest
I love that God blesses rest in Genesis 2:2-3:
“On the seventh day God had finished His work of creation, so He rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all His work of creation.”
Here is how God models rest for us:
1. God prioritized what He needed to do.
2. When God’s work was finished, He stopped and didn’t add anything else to it.
3. He didn’t let the pressures of future tasks get in the way of rest.
The Jewish word we use to describe the kind of rest God models for us is called a Sabbath. During Sabbath rest, we cease our labor. So, if you are employed, you’ll need to establish your Sabbath on your day off. If you work seven days a week, you need to rethink your job. Why would I make such a bold statement?
This is why: When we rest, we turn the care and custody of our lives into God’s hands for Him to protect and provide for us while we rejuvenate.
I understand that there may be certain periods of life when we work more than usual, but this should not be your constant rhythm of life. For the months that I was writing this book, I missed out on regular rest. When the book is over, reinstituting this discipline is my first task. (Even before catching up on my laundry!)
Friday is my day of rest. I love Fridays! I work about six days a week, except on Friday. Thursday nights are exciting for me because I know Friday’s up next. My toughest challenge is shutting down my brain from thinking about work. So, I read fiction books and eat grocery store sushi in bed. I take long walks and practice deep breathing. I sit and pray. Sometime, I just wander around my house in the quiet.
No matter the stress and pressure of my life, by the end of each Sabbath rest, my soul is refreshed and I feel alive again. I’m much more equipped to handle those pressures and bear up under those stresses after choosing to rest. Life happens, so we must rest in order to deal with life. I want you to be able to deal with life from a place of strength, rather than a place of just-barely-hanging-in-there. The choice is up to you.
When will YOU take the time to rest?
Practical Tips:
1. When you choose your day of rest, keep it as consistent as possible. Be vigilant until this becomes a part of your regular rhythm of life.
2. Do not schedule anything on that day! It’s not rest if you’ve got a schedule to follow. Just be.
3. What about mothers with children or women caring for elderly loved ones? God still wants you to experience rest! This means that you might need to get creative with solutions such as trading babysitting or even paying for respite care. Trust me, any expense or effort you put into arranging for your Sabbath rest will have an incredible ROI (return on investment)!
QUESTIONS FOR YOU? If you had a free day with nothing to do, how would you rest? Would it be easy or difficult for you to wind down and just “be”? How would you know that you actually rested?
