Do You Need a To-Don’t List?

Do You Need a To-Don’t List?

by | Oct 7, 2024 | Stronger Than Stress

This weekend I was the guest speaker to a beautiful group  at Saturday's Northern Arizona Women's Conference in Flagstaff, AZ. We had a beautiful day in the Arizona mountains, worshipping, connecting, eating delicious food, and learning how to overcome our stress and overwhelm by living in Jesus' peace.

I shared the To-Don't List concept at the conference and the ladies responded so positively that I want to bring this conversation to you. 

Special Request: I’d love to hear your feedback about today’s devotional because I may turn this into a workshop. You can hit reply and type “Helpful,” “It’s okay,” or “Not an issue for me.”

What inspired my To-Don’t List concept…As I share key themes from my new Stronger Than Stress book and Bible study, women frequently comment that they are doing too much. One of the types of overwhelm that I address in the book and Bible study is OVER-FUNCTIONING.

This overwhelm happens when you say "yes" to more than you have time or energy to do. In my experience, women who over-function are often high-capacity women who can do lots of things. The problem is that just because you can doesn't mean you should.

With this in mind, listen to what Jesus teaches about our life priorities:

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.' The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these." - Mark 12:30-31 NLT

Loving God isn’t about performance, but it is about a personal relationship with a Holy God. How do you show love to the people in your life? Time spent with them. You are learning about them and enjoying the connection with them. Our relationship with God flourishes when we think about Him during the day, talk with Him, listen for His leadings, and obey what He calls us to do. However, if you're doing too much, an entire day can pass by without connecting with God or even thinking about Him.

What does this have to do with a To-Don't List? If we look at Jesus' declaration of our priorities, the two questions that we must ask ourselves is this:

  1. Do you take time to nurture your relationship with God each day?
  2. Do you make time to take care of yourself every day?

If the answer to those questions is "yes," that's great! However, if the answer to one or both questions is "no," then you may be over-functioning, and a To-Don't List could be a practical tool to help you.

The To-Don't List is a helpful, stress-preventing tool that equips you to pre-decide (a favorite word from my friend, Kathi Lipp) what distractions undermine or distract you from spending time with God and taking good care of yourself.

Step One: Be Clear About Your Daily To-Do List

Mindset matters! What you believe to be actual deep inside of you will reveal itself in your behaviors. Many of us love God, but we've put God off to the side because we're carrying too much on our plates. However, we forget that God is sovereignly and powerfully capable of carrying the weight on our plate.

Unfortunately, our mindset is that once we finish the urgent tasks in our lives, then we’ll make time for God. Except our daily to-do lists are so long that we never finish them, so time with God is hit or miss. This also happens with our self-care. We say we must, but we take care of everyone else first. By then, we're too tired we're too tired to work out or we’re too tired to make healthy meals so we grab fast food.

IMPORTANT: Please don't drift into self-condemnation on this - but if you feel the gentle conviction of God's Spirit, that’s because God wants more FOR you! God knows that you might be struggling through the day and that His strength can make you stronger than your stress. But only you can make room to receive it.

As someone who can easily over-function, I made a To-Do list years ago that reflected my belief that my top priority is loving God, myself, and others. My daily To-Do List has five items: good sleep, healthy food, moving my body, time with God, and meaningful connections with others.

I've discovered that when I take care of my daily To-Do's, I'm more productive than if I was sleep-deprived, eating poorly, achy from no exercise, etc. The blessing is that I can accomplish so much more because I'm connected to God and His strength, and my body is rested and prepared for the daily work that I need to do. One of the a-ha moments in my life was recognizing that my To-Do’s needed my best energy of the day, not my exhausted fumes.

Question: What To-Do's do you need to establish so that your everyday life reflects God's priorities?

Step Two: Investigate Why You're Over-functioning

Everything that we do is attached to some belief or motivation. This can be an uncomfortable process getting to the root of why you're over-function, but the truth can set you free.

Here are six questions that can help you identify some areas of your life that need to be added to your To-Don't List. Journaling these questions or processing them with a trusted friend might be helpful.

  1. What activity/obligation do you dread each time it comes up on your calendar?
  2. What obligation/possession costs you more time than you have available or more money than you can afford?
  3. What activity/obligation have you said "yes" to because you liked someone asking you or were expected to do it?
  4. What are you doing because it looks impressive to others or it props up your low self-esteem?
  5. Do you like being the one that comes to the rescue?
  6. What are you afraid to let go of? Why?

Step Three: Brainstorm Some To-Don'ts and Test Them Out

If you have your To-Do's and a few potential To-Don'ts, it's time to test them out. You don't start over-functioning overnight, so it might take 30-60 days to see if you have the right To-Do's and To-Don't for this season of your life. Don't forget to pray and ask God for His guidance!

For example, I don't keep my phone in my bedroom at night. I believe that I do better during the day when I start my day with God. If my phone stays next to me, I'm wise enough to know that my phone will distract me, so that's why plugging it in my room is on my To-Don't List. I also don't keep desserts in my home. I don't have good self-control with desserts. Since loving myself is a belief, I needed to put buying desserts at the store on my To-Don't List. (I happily eat dessert when I'm out, especially ice cream.)

My To-Don'ts are mine so you may have different ones on your list. But here's what's essential for you to understand about the To-Don't list: This specific list of behaviors reflects the mindset or beliefs you believe about yourself or want to be true about yourself.

In Case You're Anxious About Starting To-Don't List...

Feeling anxious or panicky about letting go of some things is okay. You might be worried about disappointing others or that things might fall apart. However, I have a few mindset shifts that you may need to pray about making your own:

God hasn't called you to be everything to everybody. You don't need to feel pressured to fix every problem you find out about.

People may be temporarily disappointed if you can't help them or you need to resign or quit. But it is better to temporarily disappoint them than negatively impact your physical, spiritual, or emotional health.

If your departure leaves an empty spot, they will either fill it if it's critical or left empty, which means it wasn't needed.

If you are working crazy hours toward a goal or achieving a dream, your achievement won't be worth it without a satisfying relationship with God.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! Is over-functioning a challenge for you? What is on your Daily To-Do List? What about your To-Don't List?

What do you think will happen?

What do you think will happen?

by | Oct 9, 2018 | Women's Topics

While enjoying a scrumptious cobb salad over lunch with a beautiful friend recently, she asked about what was happening in my life. I told her about the difficulties that my husband and I were facing. After I shared my story, this dear friend asked, “So, what do you think will happen?”

It’s not the first time that I’ve gotten that question. Most everyone asking wants to know because they are praying for us. So many of you care about our family. God bless you!

But, I also know that it’s human nature for us to want to fill in the blanks when the lines on the page are empty. Perhaps you’ve heard Aristotle’s classic quote: “Nature abhors a vacuum.” In other words, our world hates the unknown and we’ll fill in any answer just to make sure there is an answer, even if it’s wrong.

Uncertainty makes us uncomfortable because without answers, we’re not sure if we’re going to be okay.  It’s tempting for us to believe that God doesn’t care.  Seriously God, do you know see my life dangling over this cliff? Are YOU gonna fix this or what?!

The control freak in me loves to rebel against uncertainty. In years past I’d do everything in my power, including trying to force solutions to fill in the blanks of uncertainty. I used to rationalize that I was helping God out. Like God actually needed my help.  What I really wanted was peace. I thought that fixing people or situations would give me the peace that I was looking for. More often than not, my attempts would result in more pain, not peace. 

Uncertainty also creates a dangerous temptation for Christians.  The temptation is for us to get on our spiritual high horses and speculate on what we think that God will do. While I believe in spiritual gifts of prophecy and discernment, I cringe when I hear well-meaning Christians say things like, “Oh, I know that God will heal your sister of cancer” or “You just wait! God’s gonna give you a job real soon that will pay twice as much as your other job.”

Friends, we should be careful speculating about what God will and won’t do beyond the promises He has already made to us. 

We can trust this truth: God is always at work whether we can see it or not.

But, we cannot know what God is working out behind the scenes and within people’s hearts. Can God heal someone of cancer? Of course! Does He heal everyone? No. Just the same, God can provide jobs and double incomes, but He also allows long-term unemployment, too. God IS the God of miracles! I’ve seen it and you probably have, too. And then God also allows heartache. I’ve experienced it and you have, too. 

God hasn’t forgotten about you even as His answer to your prayers still seem to be “wait and see.”

In a long message to the Israelites before they entered the Promise Land, Moses said to the people: “The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions.” -Deuteronomy 29:29

The reality is that there are things that God only knows and we don’t need to carry the weight of trying to figure the future out. However, God has given us the responsiblity and accountablilty of trusting Him. That’s why I love God’s instructions to Joshua as the new leader of God’s people faced uncertainty at the entrance of the Promised Land. While God is working out His purpose in our lives, He gives us directions to follow Him while He is working. Trusting God in uncertain times doesn’t mean that we sit around and do nothing.

Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” -Joshua 1:8 NLT

Instead of speculating on the future, we study God’s words to us;
Instead of making guesses, we mediate on God’s promises;
Instead of operating on our own agenda, we obey God’s instructions.

God knows that when we assume accountability for what we can’t control, we will end up stressed out and out of control.

While we think that knowing everything that God knows will relieve the stress of uncertainty in our lives, that’s actually not the case. Think about how complex your life is today. Now, imagine God sent you an email telling you about all of the job changes, babies born, health issues, exciting summer trips, and goodbyes of the next ten years. The stress of all of that information would be too much bear, wouldn’t it?

In my struggle with uncertainty, I’ve discovered three insights that have brought me peace and helped me to embrace uncertainty:

  1. God protects me with what He doesn’t tell me as much as He blesses me with what He does reveal.
  2. I don’t want to be responsible for everything that God knows.
  3. God has given me the knowledge and information that I can handle right now.

So, when my friend asked me over lunch, “What do you think will happen with your marriage?” I answered confidently, “I don’t know. I’m waiting for God’s future for me to unfold.”

It feels good to say that and actually find peace in it and know that I’ve surrendered control. God’s promises are far greater than whatever we’re facing today. As we walk the messy middle of uncertainty by keeping our eyes on God, we actually get stronger!

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31 NLT

If uncertainty is causing you a great deal of stress today, stop in this moment and take a deep breath. God is with you and for you in every circumstance. 

Uncertainty is tough. But you can take a first step to letting go of trying to figure things out. Can you start with believing just a little that God has only given you the knowledge and resources that you can handle right now? Just believe that a little bit. Whatever you are missing in your life is where God will fill in the blanks in His time. You can be certain that as you trust Him, He will take care of you every step of the way.

Made Like Martha | Interview with Katie M. Reid

Made Like Martha | Interview with Katie M. Reid

by | Oct 4, 2018 | Better Together Podcast

 

Are you a woman that likes to get things done?

If you love to-do lists, then you’re going to love my conversation with Katie M. Reid, author of Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done. Katie is a self-described modern-day Martha who struggled with the well-known story of two women with two different approaches to life in Luke 10.

Have you ever read the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10? It’s a story of two women named Martha and Mary. In one particular situation, Martha worked to get her home prepared to offer hospitality while her sister, Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. When Martha asked Jesus to instruct Mary to help, Jesus answered with the following words: “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all of these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT)

Too many of us have read this story and walked away with the conclusion that Jesus was criticizing Martha for trying to get things done. However, Katie challenges us to consider that Jesus didn’t condemn Martha’s method. Rather, Jesus invited her to change her mindset. Instead of being worried and distracted, Martha was encouraged to experience Jesus’ inner peace instead of trying to live up to unrealistic expectations.

So, if you’re made like Martha and you’re tired of trying to do it all, live up to unrealistic expectations or you’re beating yourself up for not being perfect, today’s conversation is just for you.

 

Join today’s conversation and listen as Katie and I discuss:

  • How to stop beating yourself up for being a hard-working Martha;
  • How to say “yes,” “no” and most importantly, when to ask for help;
  • How to swap out trying to balance our lives and learn how to “steward” our lives instead;
  • Helpful tips to enjoy being made like Martha and get things done without getting burnt out.

Bonus! Talk back to us and share your answers to the following:

  • Should bathroom toilet paper be hung over or under?
  • Do you squeeze toothpaste be squeezed from the middle or rolled from the bottom?
  • Do your fold or crumple your toilet paper before wiping?

 

LINKS FROM TODAY’S EPISODE

Katie M. Reid   Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter

Made Like Martha: Good News for Women Who Like to Get Things Done

 

About your Better Together podcast host… 

Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about equipping women to win at life with Christ-empowered strength and dignity. Barb loves speaking at women’s conference and leadership events such as the Aspire Women’s Events, She Speaks Conference and the UMC Leadership Institute.

Barb is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including her newest releases: Winning the Worry Battle: Life Lessons from the Book of Joshua and Bible study called Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. Barb’s writing has been featured in magazines or blogs such as Simple Truth Magazine, iBelieve.com, Crosswalk.com, More to Life Magazine, Just Between Us Magazine, Cherished, InCourage and Women of Faith.

An avid traveler, reader, and lover of all things chocolate-peanut butter, Barb and her family live in NW Ohio with their dog, Quimby and a very grumpy 10-year rabbit. Visit Barb’s online home at barbroose.com.

Check out this episode!

Does Facebook Feel Fake?

Does Facebook Feel Fake?

by | Sep 15, 2018 | Women's Topics

There’s a reason that you may leave your time on Facebook feeling sad, annoyed, jealous or lonely…

In 2015, Christian women were studied and the result found that many women felt worse about themselves after using social media- whether lonely, envious or angry. Any of these ever go through your mind?

“Why does her life look so perfect?”
“Everything on social media is so fake.”
“If I had (that job, money, spouse or house) I’d be happy, too.”

Guess what? I’ve said these things at times as well.

Many of you know that this is a difficult time of my life. For me and perhaps some of you, seeing photos of date nights, weddings and, anniversaries are tough. Maybe you struggle with seeing pregnancy announcements or engagement photos. You try not to care, but that little voice inside whispers “It’s not fair” and you shake your head and release a few tears as you agree.

When we see other people getting what we want, it’s tough. But what do we do – other than silently raging, getting depressed, or deleting our Facebook page?

There’s some helpful wisdom that I cling to these days: “Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15 NLT)

This wisdom is a reminder that we must ride the ups and downs of life together, even when we’re not getting what we want, but others are. When we celebrate with each other and cry with each other, our togetherness is what helps us to heal and handle the hardships of life.

IMPORTANT: Celebrating others doesn’t mean that you go to the baby shower if you’re battling painful feelings of infertility. Or, I declined a bachelorette party a few weeks ago because while I loved my friend, my heart was too tender, but I celebrated big time at her wedding.

Celebrating means that we are grateful for God’s blessing in others’ lives. We can post “Congratulations!” or “Happy for you!” when they share 1000 pictures of the person or thing that we wanted, too – like the new kitchen, new car, great spouse, behaving kids with awards, or weight loss – we can be happy and that gratitude keeps joy, not jealously flowing through our lives.

This is why I ask my friends to not hide their anniversary pictures or date night photos. I can be 1000% happy for them even as I’m sad about my situation. It’s like learning to walk and chew gum at the same time. It’s possible if you want to figure it out.

When we surround our hurting friends and weep with them, we are Jesus’ arms of hope. Weeping needs no words. Our presence – and maybe an iced coffee or pint of ice cream with two spoons is enough. When we weep with our friends, we are reminded that it is pain, not pleasure that draws us together. If you’re hurting today, reach out to a friend that is hurting, too. For the love, don’t try to fix them, give advice or “at least” them. Sit with them. Cry with them. Let them talk it out or not say a word. When you leave you’ll find that your sadness is lessened. Helping someone helps our sadness doesn’t makes sense, but it’s totally true.

In the end, when I celebrate others, I’m reminded that my day to celebrate will come, too. And when I weep with others, I’m reminded to not be so wrapped up in my own stuff.

That wisdom of riding the ups and downs of life with others has been a lifeline for me. I hope that these words encourage you. 💕

LEAVE A COMMENT: When do you feel discouraged by social media? What helps you handle that discouragement?

Learning how to REALLY rest – Interview with Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith

Learning how to REALLY rest – Interview with Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith

by | Aug 17, 2018 | Better Together Podcast

 

 

How many times a week do you say, “I’m so tired?”

Here are some signs that you’re might be exhausted. If you say “yes” to one or more of these, keep reading!

  • Do you get sick often – like sinus infections or headaches?
  • Is your mind so cluttered that you can’t concentrate?
  • Do you feel like you’re floating around aimlessly or that your life doesn’t have true purpose or calling?
  • Do you feel too drained to be around people or do you often feel people are judging you?

Believe it or not, but these are the warning signs of rest deprivation. Too often, we think about rest as just getting a good night’s sleep or watching hours of tv.   

Rest is much more than that! But, if we don’t figure out how to really rest, then we’re going to end up living really messed up lives.  

Let me introduce you to someone who can give you the help and hope that you need today!

My Better Together guest is Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, an author, speaker, and board-certified internal medicine physician. She has an active medical practice in Alabama (near the Birmingham area).

Dr. Dalton-Smith is a national and international media resource on the mind, body, spirit connection and a top 100 medical expert in Good Housekeeping Doctors’ Secrets. She has been featured in many media outlets including Women’s Day, Redbook, First For Women, MSNBC, and Prevention. She is the author of Set Free to Live Free and Come Empty (winner 2016 Golden Scroll Nonfiction Book of the Year and 2016 Illumination Award Gold medalist).

Her newest release is Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, including ground-breaking insight on the seven types of rest needed to optimize your productivity, increase your overall happiness and live your best life.

 Today, Dr. Dalton Smith answers these pressing questions about rest:

  • How can we get a better night’s sleep?
  • How do we know when we’re rested?
  • What are some warning signs that we need to know?
  • Why is there more than one type of rest?
  • Why do women struggle with rest?

LINKS FROM TODAY’S EPISODE

Saundra Dalton-Smith:   website | facebook page

Rest Test Quiz: http://ichoosemybestlife.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/

 

COMMENT: ON A SCALE OF 1 (A LITTLE) – 10 (EXTREMELY), HOW TIRED ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT YOU NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY IN ORDER TO EMBRACE MORE REST IN YOUR LIFE?

 

 

 

 

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