"My God is the author of resurrection." -Laney Houser

From the outside, everyone assumed that Laney Houser was a superwoman and had it all. She was a pastor's wife, had two Masters' degrees and owned a successful counseling practice. 

However, behind the successful and shiny veneer of ministry and career success, Laney didn't want people to know that she was crumbling from the inside out. For years, she didn't want to admit it to herself. Finally, the toll of living in an abusive marriage, excessive overworking and a chronic health condition pushed Laney over the edge into a complete mental health breakdown.

In this episode of the Better Together podcast, I talk with Laney about her decision to let go of everything in her life and check in for in-patient treatment to recover from her breakdown. It's a story that Laney is proud of because she explains that letting go of the life that was killing her opened the door for God to resurrect a new life filled with new purpose, passion and most of all, healing.

Now, she is living with pure joy each day and describes herself as "miracle-ly married" for the past 31 years as she and her husband both sought God's forgiveness, treatment and individual accountability to deal with the abuse situation in their home.

In this week's episode, Laney and I discuss:

• What are the signs of mental health breakdown?
• Identifying marriage abuse and why a woman shouldn't attend marriage counseling with her husband if he is abusive.
• Wisdom on how to safely exit a potentially abusive outburst from a spouse.
• The power of letting go and how God can bring healing, restoration and freedom from even the lowest points in our lives.

Now, Laney is a coach and enjoys teaching people how to live in joy and freedom. She says, "If you don't like the life that you're living, you can change it." 

Laney is also the host of the Unstoppable Women's Conference, an online event in December. Laney and I recorded an interview and we had a great time discussing what it means to be an unstoppable woman who lives with purpose in each. You can find out more information by clicking here.

RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE:

Connect with Laney   Website  | Facebook  | Instagram

Register for Unstoppable Women's Conference

Butcher Box

Good Housekeeping article on Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 

About today's guest:

Laney Houser is a joy-filled health and happiness coach who loves coaching successful Christian women to live with purpose and passion. Her curiosity and love for learning has helped her complete two Master's Degrees; one in Counseling and one in Theology, and certification in life coaching and health coaching. She is an emotional eating and eating disorder specialist and is currently working on her first book. She's got three fantastic grown kids, two of whom are married, and an awesome husband of 31 years. When she's not reading a good book she's hanging out with her amazing family hiking, biking, kayaking, skiing and just enjoying the great outdoors where she lives in beautiful Bend, Oregon.

Teach your kids how to be patient!

Here's a FREE resource that you can download to your phone or print with practical suggestion to teach your kids how to be patient. Use these practical tips when you're running errands or at home. Click here to download.

As moms, we want what’s best for our families. We want our kids to be healthy and to succeed. We dream of homes that or organized or at least the clutter is in piles to be dealt with later. If we’re homeschooling or working, we want to do a good job there, too. But what if our efforts to make all of those things happen is exactly what’s driving our impatience with our kids?

Have you ever gotten angry or impatient with you kids because they procrastinated, moved too slow or needed you to repeat the directions too many times? You’re not alone if you’ve lost your cool because your kids were moving at the slower, clumsier speed that kids tend to go?

 Com’on honey , I taught you how to tie your shoes two months ago. I know that you're only five, but is that the fastest you can do it? Hurry up, we’ve got to go!

You aren't dressed, YET?! We're going to be late to school!

(I’m sure there is a scientific study out there to prove that most kids do not want to wake up for school. So, why do we keep yelling at Sienna or Sam because they can’t get from bed to buttoned-up in two minutes flat? This isn't a question to parent-shame, only to challenge our expectations and our responses.)

Here's the thing: Kids are a lot like a kitchen remodel. Anything that they do will always take three times as long, go twice as slow and cost twice as much.

If you’re like me, you’ve prayed God, give me patience way more than you can remember. I lost my cool at times, too. We don’t want to be grumpy or cranky with our kids. So, what's secret sauce to patience? I discovered it a few years ago and this a-ha moment transformed my life and it can transform your life, too.

My patience ah-ha moment came to me after a job transition.  At the same time, we were going through a family crisis. The combination of those two events forced me to cut way back on my commitments and spend most all of my time at home. Then something pretty fabulous happened in the midst of a lot of hardache. Since the number of obligations on my schedule dropped dramatically, I realized that I'd stopped yelling at the kids to "hurry up" or felt frustrated because they asked questions (like kids to!)

All of the sudden, I felt like a more patient mom. Not because of my kids supernatually started moving fasting, but because I was finally moving slower.

For many years, I had so much on my to-do list that my priorities undermined all of my prayers asking God for patience. It's nearly impossible to be patient when we've got so much pressuring our hearts and minds each day.

I love the wisdom that Dallas Willard shared in John Ortberg’s book, Soulkeeping: “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” Hurry is when our minds are racing from one thing to the next. It's when you don't have a moment to spare for anything to go wrong or move less than 100mph. 

Can you see where that's not fair to our kids? They aren't the ones filling your schedule. Yet, when we're in a hurry, we're more likely to rush by what they need. We don't have time to observe, listen or just show love in a way that means most to them. Worst of all, we just might be too impatient to really see what's happening in their hearts.   

The secet sauce to patience with our kids is to take the pressure off our schedule.

Eliminating hurry in my life meant that I had to get ruthlessly clear about my “yeses” and “no’s.” I had to set boundaries and learn how to be okay with diappointing people. Most of all, I had to trust God’s promises that as I say more “no’s” than “yes’s” that God will take are of my business so that I could be present and attentive to my kids. Here's some of my ways that I've learned to say "no":

I'm so flattered that you've asked. Thank you for thinking of me. Right now, my schedule is maxed so I'm going to have to miss out on what you've offered.

I love this! I love that you asked me. Right now, I can't. Life is so full already, so  I need keep a simple schedule to I don't get stressed out.

One scheduling strategy that I use is to schedule appointments or requests for meetings/coffee on one day per week. I keep 2-3 spots on that one day per week and that keeps me from overscheduling.

This means that I don't attend most of the cool-kid places around town and my face is missing from the photos at cool events. And I've learned to be okay with that because I don't have hurry in my life. 

The payoff is worth it! I love knowing that I am a more patient mom. My girls are all grown up now and live in different states. Yet, they will need a mom who can be available to talk on their schedule. They need a mom who has time to pray about the difficult circumstances in their lives and to pray over the choices they’re considering.

Do you want to be a more patient mom? When are the times that you struggle to be patient with your kids?

It was two years ago today that my 67-year old dad, Bobby, passed away from lung cancer - only eight days after being diagnosed. Dad lived over 24, 455 days. He only died on one of those days, so I want to remember his long life. Here's a picture of one of those 24,000 days.

In 2016, we traveled to New York City because my beautiful opera-singing sister Tonya was performing at Carnegie Hall. Dad was a homebody, so it was a big deal that he agreed to go. Before her performance, I talked my family into visiting one of my favorite places: Midtown Manhattan.

"Being strong isn't about perfection and it's not about having it all together. It's about having the tools to shift and turn it around when we're feeling overwhelmed, distracted and looking for a pathway out."

-Susan Seay

How do you define a "strong woman"?

This is one of those phrases that represents what we want to be, but often we never quite feel strong, especially when our lives are filled with struggle. Strong isn't having it all together and strong isn't perfection. In my experience, I've learned that strength is often something that I can't always see in myself, but I can make decisions that will make me strong - whether I feel it or not.

On today's Better Together podcast, my friend Susan Seay shares the three decisions that can start making today that will infuse your life with strength. Best of all, today's conversation is deep and 'fo real! As a wife and homeschool mother of 7, Susan talks about tough family challenges that their family has navigated such as parenting, marriage struggles and work-life balance issues.

She's the author of Intentional Parenting: Parenting on Purpose When Life Gets Busy and speaks nationally at conferences and events. Susan hosts a highly engaging podcast called the "Mentor 4 Moms" podcast.

Imagine what it would feel like each day for you to wake up with the:

Strength to face any challenge;

Strength to overcome failure;

Strength to go for your dreams;

Strength to trust God no matter what happens!

If you want to have this kind of strength, buckle up and press play for today's conversation. You deserve to invest these 30 minutes in yourself, your life and your future.

What are the three decisions that strong women must make? 

1. A strong woman establish an answer to the question "Who is God?" (Warning: This question has two different meaning, so listen as Susan brilliantly explains!)
2. A strong woman determines what it means to live intentionally in her present moment.
3. A strong woman are committed to trusting that better days are ahead

RESOURCES FROM TODAY'S PODCAST

Connect with Susan on Facebook  |  Instagram

Susan's Mentor 4 Mom Podcast

Better Together Episode - "Intentional Motherhood" Podcast

Better Together Episode - "You aren't a bad mom" Podcast

About today's guest:

Susan Seay has a highly engaging podcast- "Mentor 4 Moms" and she's also the Author of The Intentional Parent: Parenting On Purpose When Life Gets Busy.

As a wife and mom to 7, she understands the challenges of trying to raise kids in a noisy and distracted world. Her mission is to help families create a culture in their homes that is both on purpose and full of purpose. It's what Susan refers to as - Intentional Parenting. Her commitment to being a Mentor 4 Moms on Intentional Parenting has given her the opportunity to share with women both locally and Internationally reaching women all over the globe. Every time Susan speaks her goal is to provide encouragement combined with helpful practical tools.

You can find out more about her work and stay connected by visiting SusanSeay.com

About your Better Together Podcast Host...

Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about equipping women to win at life with Christ-empowered strength and dignity. Barb loves speaking at women's conference and leadership events such as the Aspire Women's Events, She Speaks Conference and the UMC Leadership Institute.

Barb is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including her newest releases: I'm Waiting, God: Finding Blessings in God's Delay and Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. Barb's writing has been featured in magazines or blogs such as Simple Truth Magazine, iBelieve.com, Crosswalk.com, More to Life Magazine, Just Between Us Magazine, Cherished, InCourage and Women of Faith.

 An avid traveler, reader, and lover of all things chocolate-peanut butter, Barb lives in NW Ohio and she's the proud mother of three adult daughters. Visit Barb's online home at barbroose.com.