by Barb Roose | Jun 3, 2015 | Women's Topics
I appeared on 13abc’s “Full Plate,” hosted by Rebecca Regnier to talk about my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. This was my first television interview related to the book and goodness, Rebecca made me feel so very confident and comfortable! I had great time! Here’s the interview – BUT keep scrolling down after the interview! Don’t miss this bonus: Rebecca graciously agreed to be interviewed for this week’s post. You can read her interview below the video. Enjoy!
Capturing a great moment with Rebecca after taping a segment for her show, “Full Plate.” She made me feel right at home and truly welcomed!
MY INTERVIEW WITH REBECCA REGNIER…As a long-time television personality and media professional, Rebecca understands the pressure and scrutiny that women face from others as well as themselves. I was thrilled when Rebecca agreed to let me interview her and share some of those thoughts with you!
Rebecca, you are public figure, so how much pressure do you feel to look or dress a certain way? How much of that pressure comes from within?
Incredible pressure, I’d say about 30 percent? It depends on the day. I am very okay with age, weight, and all that, but sometimes you just feel less than. It’s a fight to just give that up and be happy in your skin!
How do you handle situations where people make unsolicited comments about your appearance, whether positive or negative comments?
I usually feel like the comments are more about them, the negative ones I mean. I am a fairly modest dresser and I had a nasty comment once that the viewer can’t take healthy eating advice from me unless I show my body more. That’s not about me. If they’re mad at me because I’m not a stick-figure, that’s their issue. I’m a healthy, confident person – ask yourself why you have a problem with that next time you lash out at me. That said, most people are very nice.
When it’s a nice comment I have to better learn to take the compliment and not deflect. Self-deprecation is fine, funny, and can be charming, but I tend to be terrible at accepting a compliment. I’ve worked on saying “thank you” and moving on instead of tearing myself down in the name of comedy.
In 2011, you released a book called The Twitter Diet. What is your book about and how can we leverage social media to encourage and support each other as women trying to reach our goals?
The Twitter Diet is all about community and support. None of us have to be alone in whatever struggle we face whether it’s better eating, more exercise, motherhood.
The great thing is we can be supportive and get support. But keep that in mind, it is a two-way street, if you want to be lifted up you must first show people how. Be supportive and you’ll be surprised how many people are there in your time of need. And don’t forget to ask for help! I am terrible at that, I tend to “go it alone” thinking I’ll handle everything. Every single time I’m overwhelmed and reach out I am so incredibly amazed by how great people can be. They do want to help you.
Speaking of social media, there are so many messages that women absorb about beauty. How do you keep a healthy perspective about beauty as you watch articles, images and stories that flow through your newsfeed?
There is no one like me or you. Period. And while we’re bombarded by what we’re supposed to look like it is all ridiculous. Let models be models. I’m a witty, accomplished, career woman, wife, mother so are you. I know my value and what I have to offer and it does not have to do with smooth skin or size whatever.
My accomplishments and failures have zero to do with whether I was wearing skinny jeans or sweat pants that day. Zero.
As a woman, what do you think about when you look at yourself in the mirror?
Well, I think I have nice eyes that I look better when I smile, that the deep furrow in my brow was earned from being a mother of two sons and I wouldn’t erase it.
I’m less forgiving about my body, I am not a fan of some parts, I pick it apart if I catch it in a three-way mirror. I wish I had Michelle Obama or Kelly Ripa’s arms but I also remind myself that maybe if they met me they’d wish they had Rebecca Regnier-calves. I have nice calves sister. It’s all relative and we just have to appreciate all we can do. Someone said to me once that no matter who you are, ten years from now, you’ll wish you had this body/face. So, stop stressing out and enjoy the now of yourself.
On the day of the taping, I had a chance to hang out with the other guests while Rebecca’s team prepared for our interviews, yet everyone was kind and helpful – even when I accidentally got in the way while taking a few selfies…
I discovered that you are a certified fitness nutrition coach and a certified weight loss specialist. What inspired you to acquire those certifications and how do you use them?
I wanted something official. I knew a lot from reading everything out there and discovering what worked for me. So the certificates were more about formalizing it. I felt confident in what I knew and advise people in my writing and on my television show but I thought it was important for others to see that I had more than just life experience. I wanted to increase the trust that people I’m encouraging or supporting have in me.
What are you dreaming of next in life?
THIS LIFE! Writing a romantic comedy novel, creating hilarious videos for my YouTube channel, stand-up paddle boarding in the Virgin Islands!
Rebecca, I’ve got one final question – perhaps the most important of them all: Milk chocolate or dark chocolate?
My fitness nutrition brain says dark! But my inner five-year old says milk chocolate, baby!
Thanks, Rebecca! We love your amazing and authentic answers as well as your encouragement to women everywhere!
Ladies, you can watch Rebecca’s show, “Full Plate”, every Sunday on 13ABC and just recently announced that she’s joined “MomsEveryday”, a show to connect moms and families that broadcasts nationwide – so cool!
Thanks for stopping by today, ladies! If you’d like to receiving weekly encouragement or inspiration from me each week, subscribe to join my mailing list on this page. It’s easy and most importantly, your email address will stay between you and me!
God bless,
by Barb Roose | May 25, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I like to keep it real.
Why? Because it’s a compete waste of time for me to pretend that I’m all put together. My house is somewhat messy these days. I’m doing pretty well when it comes to making dinner, but where’s something tragic happening in my backyard. The weeds are winning, friends…
For the most part, I’m just trying to get through each day. Like you, I have happy days, cranky days, bossy days and sometimes, just plain ‘ole you-totally-don’t-want-to-be-around-Barb days. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon wearing dirty white socks and a bad attitude.
Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. Do you? When my life is full, that’s when the tears often overflow. I’m totally not complaining, but I hope that someone can relate to seasons of life that seem to hold more experiences that my tender heart can handle.
At times, I feel like I’m holding my life together with pieces of Scotch tape. Ever worked with Scotch tape? That stuff is so good when you’re taping paper together. However, Scotch tape is a fail if you want to join two items with any weight. That’s why Scotch tape needs to stick with paper and leave the heavy lifting to something better suited. No matter how hard we try, there is a limit to what Scotch tape can do.
Sometimes, it feels like I’m trying to fix the big, important things in life with my human effort, which often resembles Scotch tape. I can do a lot of things. But, when I’m faced with some situation that I can’t fix, my first reaction is to get mad.
from bucks.blogs.nytimes.com
What is the thing in your life that you can’t control? How do you react in that disappointing moment? How does your behavior impact your relationships and your faith?
A few months ago, I was getting frustrated over a number of situations that were out of my control. This lack of control led to disappointment and anger because what I expected didn’t match the reality of was truly happening.
After I journaled about those disappointments, I put an asterisk by the situations/events that I could control or improve. Out of seven disappointments, I could only place two asterisks. Ouch.
So, I realized I had two choices:
#1 – I could be perpetually ticked off about the situations that were out of my control;
#2 – OR, I would discipline myself to accept reality (I have no control!) and create a response to my disappointment that was consistent with reality.
Here is a phrase that I have decided to repeat when disappointment descends into my life:
Here are somethings that I try to remember:
1. Even when life is tough, I know God loves me and will take care of me. (Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 8:31, Philippians 4:6-7)
2. God has a plan and purpose for my life. He’s in control, even when I am not. (Jeremiah 29:11)
3. Difficult circumstances are often what God uses to help me become a better, more faithful person. (Romans 5:3-5)
I don’t know what you are up against today, but I do know that there are disappointments that frustrate and anger you. I also know that dealing with disappointment is often as difficult as dealing with the situation. So, I’m going to challenge you to say this phrase: “God is in control and He will take care of it” the next time you are faced with an uncontrollable situation.
While the situation might be difficult to get through, you’ll be able to endure the difficulty with confidence in God and His ability to take care of things in a way that you never could.
If you need to let God be in control of something in your life, let us know how we can pray for you in the comments below.
Thanks for stopping by! If you think that this post would bless a friend, feel free to share it!
by Barb Roose | May 18, 2015 | Women's Topics
Let me fast-forward to the punch line of my story: Two buttons in the middle my button-down shirt popped while I was talking to a best-selling author. And, I didn’t know it until after our conversation was over.
I was hosting a book-signing event for this esteemed best-selling author, so I wanted to look smart and stylish, without appearing that I was trying too hard. So, that morning I selected a lovely plum button-down shirt with a smart, stylish collar. It was a shirt that I’d worn, without incident, many times before.
During our initial meeting, I escorted the author and his tour manager into the auditorium so that we could review the event. I enthusiastically gestured with my arms and pointed out various features in our large auditorium. The author and his road manager were quite engaged during my presentation. To their credit, their eyes were on my face the entire time.
I was on-stage doing weekend announcements and everyone thought that I had a cigarette in my hair. It was a pen. (But, my co-workers are still not convinced – ha!)
After they exited the auditorium stage, I walked down the corridor into the main hallway. A co-worker who was assisting me with the event pointed to the center of my chest. I looked down and I could plainly see the front of my sparkling white, padded bra was showing prominently for all to see. Oh, the horror…
I may be an African-American woman, but I can guarantee you in that moment, my face was as red as the bottom of the pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. I wanted to go home and hid under my comforter and never show my face again. But I couldn’t. The show had to go on!
I quickly buttoned my shirt and plastered a smile on my face before going back to work. I was dying inside, but I faked confidence until my real confidence returned. As the event leader, my team was counting on me not to go sulking into a corner. The night was a success and the author appreciated all of our hard work. He never made a comment about my wardrobe malfunction and to this day, I appreciate his gracious professionalism in the face of my horribly embarrassing moment.
But, that wasn’t my last embarrassing moment. As part of our church’s weekend team and women’s conference speaker, I’ve had a few unexpected clothing disasters over the years. I’ve lived through belts that come unhooked, scarves that slide off and zippers that fall down. I’m not special. We’ve all been there.
While the term “wardrobe malfunction” was made popular after the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson Super Bowl scandal, we’ve all experience one clothing catastrophe or another. We’ve left the house in mismatched socks or a shirt worn inside out. Many of us have split our pants or popped a button on a shirt. These moments are never convenient and the most we can hope for is that we discover that open zipper or stop Aunt Flo’s early arrival before anyone and everyone notices.
So, what do you do when a clothing catastrophe strikes? How do you handle that wardrobe catastrophe with style and sophistication AND without creating additional embarrassment:
- Stay calm – If something has come loose or split apart, stay calm and still. Quick or jerky body movements will make matters worse. Take a deep breath and repeat this: “I will be okay.”
- Enlist a friend – It’s not a good idea to yell, “Oh, my goodness! I just ripped a hole in my pants!” to the entire office. But, you can get the attention of a friend or co-worker you trust to be an ally. This person can be your excuse-maker, clothing donor or human shield, depending on the situation. I suggest asking another woman, but a good guy with a handy suit coat will do in certain situations.
- Plan your exit – Think about how you can discreetly exit from the your current situation with the least amount of attention. You may think that all eyes are own you, but trust me, most are checking their Twitter or playing 2048. Walk quietly and directly to the nearest exit. Beg a friend to follow behind if your wardrobe catastrophe needs a shield.
- Don’t overshare – Once you’ve addressed your clothing drama, come back to the gathering or slide back into your cubicle. Only do this if you can slip back in without drawing attention to yourself or outfit. Here’s the big tip: Don’t overshare about what happened. Letting folks know you had a clothing issue or malfunction is 100% satisfactory without going into details that could be used for office gossip later.
- Let it go. It happened. It was embarrassing. It’s over. You survived. Move on. Smile.
And remember, one day it will happen again.
Q4U: Do you have a wardrobe malfunction story that you’d like to share? Trust me, the best way to overcome the embarrassment is to share it and laugh about it! Let us laugh with you!
Thanks for stopping by and checking out today’s post. If you think that this post could bless another woman, feel free to share it! If you’d like to receive weekend encouragement, CLICK HERE to sign-up for my mailing list. I’d love to stay in touch!
by Barb Roose | May 4, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
News flash: According to our culture, thin is in. And, young is, too.
When we scroll through our social media newsfeeds or pretend not reading People or Star Magazine in line at the grocery store, our eyes capture image after image of youth. It’s hard to not notice the two-dimensional, digitized perfection of bright, unlined eyes, silky cellulite-free legs or taut tummies skin coming at us from every direction. We’re seen the photos of Hollywood starlets, barely out of high school, wearing grown-up hair and clothes posing for pictures that capture their shiny, smooth, youthful skin. No wrinkles. No puckers. Just smooth skin. From head to toe. Even if the photos are tweaked on someone’s laptop before posting, those images are evidence of what the message that our culture wants every woman to bathe in and believe: Only young is beautiful.
Once upon a time (not long ago), I bought into that message. When I was young, that message didn’t create any drama in my life. But, the day I turned 35, that message devastated me.
On the day I turned 35 years old, my husband and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary in glorious Grand Cayman. There I stood against the crystalline blue Caribbean waters with the man of my dreams at my side. I gazed at the beauty of my surroundings and slowly, emotionally began to disconnect from it. I could feel the beauty around me, but I could not feel it in me. I began to crumble. Right there in that perfect moment, I covered my eyes and sobbed in the middle of the street. Like an avalanche, my tears tumbled down my cheeks and a great cry rumbled from the pit of my soul, bulldozing through my tender heart and exploding out of my mouth. My anguish was apparent to the concerned tourists that strolled by. I didn’t care. I just leaned against my husband and mourned the fact that I was losing a connection to something that matter to me: youth.
So, I had the ugly cry. Snot. Loud gasps. More snot. Incoherent words. Doubled over. Tissues weren’t going to help and nothing was going to stop it. Once the ugly cry starts, you’re just in until it’s over.
Photo credit: Pinterest
Y’all know what I’m talking about, right. Oh, please tell me that you understand! It may not make rational sense, but I think you get where I’m coming from. If not, let me try to explain my mental math: 35 years old – day before = 34 years, 365 days = Youth versus 35th birthday = You ain’t no spring chicken anymore.
What a difference a day makes, right? Perhaps, your switch flipped at 29, 39, 49 or 69. I was fine at 29. Marginal at 39, but at least better prepared. But, on that day, my 35th birthday, I feared that the Hands of Time was waiting behind some mirror to start smacking me around. Remember getting birthday spanks for each year? I expected birthday slaps, expecting each strike would remove some evidence of my youth with every blow. What would I lose first?
I sobbed as I wondered, “Can I still go for IT?” “Should I still take risks or settle for easy success?” “Will the world listen to an older woman and take her seriously.“ I might have been standing in paradise on my 35th birthday, but in my heart and mind, I was in a abyss.
This photo was captured mid-air during my June 2011 skydive. I survived. Whew.
My devastation stemmed from the fear that my value was diminishing. Would I be enough as I got older? In my heart and mind, my younger years were filled with courageous moments, crazy risks and a sense that anything was possible. As a woman who loved to strap on her courage and clutched taking risks like a teddy bear, I worried that as I aged, I would lose that “let’s do this” abandon that comes with being a young woman. Deep inside, I still had hopes and dreams to achieve. I wondered if I could still build toward those dreams – and new ones – as an older version of the young-at-heart me.
I wish I could tell you that in the last seven years that I’ve settled into the aging process. (Let me save you the math, I’m 42 now). Don’t get me wrong, I love the wisdom that I’ve acquired with age. If I could go back to the younger version of myself and tell her anything, I’d smack her around a little instead. There were too many times when I knew better, but didn’t do better. I’d also tell her not to be in such a doggone hurry and enjoy life a lot more. #buytheshoes #gotoParis #letthekidseatcookiesfordinner
In the last few years, I’ve challenged myself to keep leaping for what’s next. I’ve gone skydiving, completed a survival race, gone on eight overseas missions trips, published a book, completed three very necessary rounds of professional counseling, graduated two kids from high school and so much more. I’ve got my eyes on going to trapeze school at some point in the future. I’m going to learn how to swing through the air (and hopefully, not die.) Why? Just because.
So, the days of my life may be ticking by, but I realized that the number doesn’t determine the quality of my purpose. Only I do.
And you do, too.
Q4U: If fear or money wasn’t an issue, what would you love to accomplish or try out? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Post them in the comments below – and feel free to borrow some ideas from the other comments!
Thanks for stopping by,
by Barb Roose | Apr 27, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Reflections, Women's Topics
So, last week was the Fabulous Conference and my first book signing event. If I looked up the phrase “dream-come-true” on Google, that search would have shown the image of me sitting atop a bistro chair at the Seagate Centre in downtown Toledo with a line of women waiting for me to sign their copy of my book. Seriously, how did a little brown-skinned girl with big pop-bottle glasses and two giant front teeth grow up and find herself in such an amazing situation?
Thanks to my friend, Andrea Lyn of Proclaim FM 102.3 for taking these photos and creating this lovely collage of my book signing!
Y’all, I’m still pinching myself.
Book signing was just a thrill. A straight-up thrill! I perched myself on that chair during breaks and lunch and met so many women. (That chair thrilled me because it gave my feet a break from the pressure of my fabulous 4″ heels.)
I loved looking into the eyes of each woman who stepped up with my book. I wished that I could have talked to everyone longer, but I had to keep it moving. So, I scribbled brief, heart-felt messages onto the page and tried to engage in conversation. By the way, it’s really hard to write and talk at the same time!
When I handed the book back, there were many precious moments when I heard: “Barb, do you mind taking a photo?”
My heart smiled and I replied: “Not at all! I’d love to take a photo!”
I posed for countless photos, sucking in my stomach, shifting my body toward my “good” side and giving the biggest, hearty grin that I knew how to give. I cherished each and every one of the moments.
Then, I started seeing photos crop up on social media, I began to grit my teeth. Those teeth. My teeth.
If you’ve read through the “Flaw Finding” chapter of my book, you know that I have a difficult relationship with my teeth. Once upon a time, my nickname was “Buckteeth.” Sometimes, that nickname whispers in my ear when I see photos of my smile. When that happens, I’ve got to act quick! Instead of letting that insecurity take hold, I must focus on the goodness, blessing and purpose* that my teeth bring to my life. This is how I do it:
My teeth’s GOODNESS: Well, they let me chomp-chomp on Chipotle. Yum! And, I’d look waaayyy different if I didn’t have teeth. Teeth are good.
How about the PURPOSE of my teeth? For starters, my teeth keep my tongue inside my mouth. (A friend of mine had a dog, who was missing it’s front teeth. So, the dog’s tongue always flopped out the side of its mouth. It was the cutest thing…but it’s not quite the right look for me.) I also appreciate how my teeth allow my speech to be crisp and clear, an important skill for a communicator.
Finally the BLESSING: My teeth add to my hearts’ desire to connect with others because my teeth make my smile seem bigger. People often comment on my smile. (And no one has ever commented on my teeth.)
Thrilled to have Sally Sharpe of Abingdon Women present for my first official book signing at our Fabulous Conference.
Believe it or not, I have to do a lot of self-coaching whenever I see photos of me and my big smile on social media. Using the framework of remembering the goodness, purpose and blessing of my teeth helps me to reign in the attempted run-away feelings of inadequacy that only leads to bad places.
Then, I also work to remember this: Those photos aren’t about my teeth. Just the same as you may have to remember that your photos aren’t about your hips, your hair or your wrinkles.
Those photos are all about what it meant to be present in that moment. In each of those pictures, I want to remember those precious moments and I want to create more of those precious moments, so PLEASE KEEP ASKING ME TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU!
I thought that I’d share a little piece of what’s going on in my heart and mind today. Especially, since I know that many women are sifting through their Fabulous Conference pictures and looking at themselves with the same critical eye that I had to fight off earlier.
Here’s today’s thought: When looking at pictures, FOCUS on the precious moment, not the physical feature.
Q4U: Whenever you see yourself in a photo, what’s the first physical feature that you lock in on? Do you ever delete or untag yourself from photos on social media?
I’d love to hear your comments! Please share them below. If you think that this post may be a blessing to others, feel free to share it! Thanks for stopping by,
*from Chapter 7 “See God First” in Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty by Barbara L. Roose
Speaking of social media, there are so many messages that women absorb about beauty. How do you keep a healthy perspective about beauty as you watch articles, images and stories that flow through your newsfeed?
