Are there pressing questions on your mind about your sexuality as a single Christian woman but you don't know where to have that open and honest conversation? On this episode of the Better Together Podcast, Barb talks with author and podcast host, Kat Harris, who has a passion for coming alongside women and helping them understand God's good design for sex while also saying goodbye to sexual shame. 

In this conversation we talk about ALL.THE.THINGS. and don't shy away from questions like, "What is sex?", "Is it okay to masturbate?", and, "Is anyone else still waiting for marriage?"

Prepare for a power-packed, vulnerable and grace-filled conversation.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Kat's Website

Sexless In The City

The Refined Collective Podcast

Instagram: @therefinedwoman

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Kat Harris is the host of The Refined Collective Podcast, and Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman. Her first book Sexless in the City will hit bookstores April 2021. She has also been a full-time photographer for the last decade with her work featured in: Vanity Fair, GQ, Forbes, People, Who What Wear, US Weekly, Glamour UK, and more.
She coaches and equips women all over the world in dating, relationships, singleness, sexuality, faith and how to build a renewed and healthy biblical sexual ethic rooted in freedom, truth and grace as opposed to the oh-so-common shame and fear narratives so many experienced growing up in evangelical culture.
Kat loves God, personal development, a good Beyoncé dance party, + is a Ranch dressing connoisseur. She believes in the power of story, that done is better than perfect, quality triumphs quantity, and that the journey truly is the destination. Ultimately, her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity, worth and value and to experience untapped freedom and joy in their lives
regardless of their relationship status.
Check out this episode!

Do you have something that you’ve been praying about, BUT, you aren’t sure if God is calling you to move or wait?  How can you know when you’re called to make a bold move or when you’re trying to push or control the situation?

Here is an exercise from my I’m Waiting God Bible study that you can do as a way to determine if God might be preparing you to make a bold move even though you’re still waiting on an answer to prayer in some area of your life. Even if you aren’t considering a bold move, this is a good self-reflection exercise to make sure that you’re in position in case a bold move is necessary in the future. 

 Am I Prepared to Make a Bold Move?

1. Am I letting God lead me each day?

 Yes    No    Sometimes

If you are spending time in prayer, silent reflection, and scripture, you’re creating space for the Holy Spirit to flow in and through you. It is God’s Holy Spirit that leads you to God’s truth in your situation as well as provides divine guidance. Even when you don’t get turn-by-turn instructions, you can make your way through the messy middle in confident faith that you’re trusting God to lead you.

What stops me from feeling fully connected to God?

2. Do I have trusted voices that echo God’s Word in my life?

 Yes     No     Sometimes

When you have Jesus-loving people in your life who really know you—your desires and dreams as well as your struggles—then they are a great sounding board when you’re thinking of making big moves while you are waiting for God to answer your prayer.

Who are the trusted voices in my life? Am I tapping into their wisdom enough? Am I being completely honest with them about my struggle?

3. Do I consistently say “yes” to what God asks me to do?

Yes       No       Sometimes

 Part of your waiting journey is learning to be faithful to God in the everyday things—summed up as loving Him with all of your heart, mind, soul, and body as well as loving others (Luke 16:10, Mark 12:30). Though steadfast faithfulness isn’t a way to get God to give you what you want, faithfulness will bless you—because our obedience not only blesses us but also powers us up for whatever God has next for us (Luke 11:28, James 1:25).

 Where do you struggle to be consistently obedient?

4. If you’re letting God lead, listening to trusted voices, and walking in faithful obedience, then is there a step of faith that you sense God calling you to make?

Read Proverbs 16:9 below:

 In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps.

Here are some steps that God might be inviting you to take in this waiting season of your life:

If you’re out of your comfort zone, God invites you to take a step of faith. 

If you aren’t getting what you want, God invites you to take a step of surrender. 

If your plan is delayed, God invites you to take a step of patience. 

If you’ve made a mistake, God invites you to take a step of humility. 

If a friend or family fails you, God invites you to take a step of forgiveness. 

If you've fallen into sin, God invites you to take a step of repentance. 

 Which of these steps might be a bold next step for your life right now?

Prayer

Dear God, I am praying over the steps of faith that You might be calling me to make today. Of all of the steps, I need to take action by ____________________________.

God, as much as I want to be in charge of how my life goes, Ruth’s story teaches me that You are in charge of my steps. This is a good thing for me because when You are in charge, then I know that You will lead me down a road toward blessing, even if it’s rocky and painful along the way. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Find help and hope for times when it's hard to wait on God!

Do you ever feel like God is taking too long to answer your prayers? Have you ever taken matters into your own hands, only to discover that you’ve made the situation worse?

We know that God hears our prayers, but it’s hard when the clock is ticking yet He hasn’t shown us the answer.

In this four-week Bible study, Barb Roose invites us to explore the stories of women in the Bible who had to wait on God.

 Together we will discover that there is goodness and blessing to be found in times of waiting, including a closer relationship with God than we’ve ever dared to dream.

 On this episode of the Better Together Podcast, Barb talks with a woman who spent a lot of her life feeling guilty and now teaches other women how to walk in God's victory and grace.

Amy Martinez is a former radio show host, speaker, and author who is devoted to helping women with heart-shattered lives to become whole again in Christ. Barb and Amy discuss the overwhelming guilt that we can feel after making mistakes and how we can trust God's Holy Spirit to transform our mess if we are movable and teachable. If you've felt haunted by the mistakes of your past, this episode is for you.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

AmyElaine.com

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Amy Elaine is an inspirational speaker, former radio show host, and gifted teacher. Her ministry is devoted to helping women with heart-shattered lives become whole again in Christ. She loves to tell the story of how Jesus made her a broken girl made whole through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. Married to the love of her life, David, Amy Elaine is a mom of two boys now young men, Sidney (25) and Gabriel(22). She also has a daughter-in-love Riley and recently became "Yia Yia" to Raelynn Rose Elaine. Recently she left her beloved Colorado mountains to play on the plains of Historic Guthrie, Oklahoma. Most days you'll find her at a local coffee shop writing or ministering across the table to a friend. Her heart's desire is to see women walk in wholeness and develop an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Living the victorious life is one of the major themes of her ministry. She's available to speak at your next women's event. You can connect with her at: AmyElaine.com
Check out this episode!

How do we can keep the “thanks” in our Thanksgiving holiday this year?

As I was thinking about today's devotional, I came across this verse from a message that Moses gave to the Israelites while they were in the wilderness and this verse is in the sweet juicy middle of what we need to remember in our pandemic wilderness:

For the LORD your God has blessed you in everything you have done. He has watched your every step through this great wilderness. During these forty years, the LORD your God has been with you, and you have lacked nothing. -Deuteronomy 2:7 NLT

As the pandemic and problems of the world drag on, Moses’ message pierces our hearts with a relevant reminder of what we are quick to forget:

God has still taken care of us this year.

Do we have problems? Yes.

But God’s provision handles our problems. 

Is the future uncertain? Yep.

But God’s promises give us hope so we don’t have to fear.

Do we have control over our circumstances? Nope.

Yet, God’s power is big enough to handle what we can’t!

Can we say a collective “hallelujah” over all of this? Not only that, but giving thanks is our way of acknowledging all that God has done!

If you’ve not more grumpy than grateful OR you’re looking for a great, practical family experience on practicing gratitude, here’s a scripture-inspired activity for you!

This idea is inspired by Exodus 16 when God instructed Aaron to preserve a two-quart jar of manna in the Ark of the Covenant to remind future generations of how God provided for them. Here’s a photo of my two-quart jar inside of my time capsule. (I bought the jar from Dollar General for $3.00)

Then, I cut up a stack of 3”x3” squares of paper. I set the jar and the papers in the middle of my kitchen table so that I would see it each day. At some point during the day, I stopped to write down an observation on how God provided for me or blessed me. Sometimes, I wrote down two squares a day.

This exercise because it forced me to take the focus off myself and put it on God during my day. That refocus blessed me! Isaiah 26:3 reminds us that we live in perfect peace when we keep our minds fixed on God, so this exercise truly increased my peace and joy!

It took three months to fill the jar. Then, I set it inside of a lovely box as a time capsule, similar to God’s instructions for the manna to remain in the ark of the covenant for future generations to see. My time capsule sits in my closet. Note: I think that I’ll open it in two or three-year period. I look forward to reading the slips of paper and remembering how God was faithful to me during this long wilderness season.

I hope that you remember how God has taken care of you this year has uplifted your Monday. Before you move on to the rest of your day, here’s an invitation to reflect on the following questions:   

• What is God speaking to your heart right now?
• How has God taken care of you over this past year?
• What are the ways that you can be more intentional about creating gratitude and worship for what God has done?

 You are more than welcome to share your stories of God’s provision or supernatural moments. I’d love to hear those stories from you. Hit “reply” and tell me all about it.

Let’s pray together before you continue your day –

Dear God, thank You for being my provider over the past year. I’m sorry for the times when I’ve forgotten about how You’ve taken care of me. I repent of the times when I was frustrated over not having enough because I’ve forgotten all that You’ve given me. God, I want to live with a heart of gratitude. Thank You for all that You’ve done for me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

There are times in life when it all falls apart and we wonder if we'll ever be right again. Barb's guest today declares that we can believe that God is the God of second chances! Barb's guest, best-selling author Kathleen Y'Barbo, was sure that her career was over after divorce in 2003.

Instead, Kathleen realized that God was there when she was certain that He wasn't, and He was working out a plan for her that she never could have imagined.

Seventeen years later, Kathleen is the traditionally published author of more than 100 books that have sold two million copies in the US and abroad.

In this episode, Barb and Kathleen talk about second chances, learning how to wait on God, and her newest book, The Yes Dare. This is a conversation you won't want to miss!

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

kathleenybarbo.com

The Yes Dare

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Publishers Weekly Bestselling author Kathleen Y'Barbo is a multiple Carol Award and RITA nominee and bestselling author of more than one hundred books with over two million copies of her books in print in the US and abroad. A tenth-generation Texan and certified paralegal, she is a member of the Texas Bar Association Paralegal Division, Texas A&M Association of Former Students and the Texas A&M Women Former Students (Aggie Women), Texas Historical Society, Sisters in Crime, and American Christian Fiction Writers.

Kathleen and her hero in combat boots husband have their own surprise love story that unfolded on social media a few years back. They make their home just north of Houston, Texas and are the parents and in-laws of a blended family of Texans, Okies, and a family of three adorable Londoners.

Check out this episode!

Yesterday, a series of bad moments wore me down.

So today, we’re going to discuss how to be gentle with ourselves when we’re having a bad day. There’s a powerful, yet simple verse that inspires this conversation.

Now, before yesterday, I was having a great weekend!

On Saturday, I spoke at the Guided by Promise Women’s Event at Timberline Church in Fort Collins, CO. About ten months ago, one of Timberline’s members, Nancy Vogt, was searching for a new Bible study and she discovered mine. Nancy enjoyed the study and she recommended me to Timberline’s women’s ministry director, Leigh Ann Dilley. Over the past six months, I’ve loved partnering with Leigh Ann in planning and praying for this weekend’s event.

Saturday’s event was a sweet oasis of sisterhood, connection, laughter and love. Best of all, our experience was centered around Jesus!

After the event, I began praying for God’s Spirit to protect my heart and soul. There’s a temporary emotional struggle that can happen  after powerful ministry moments. I’ve heard it referred to as the “Elijah Effect.”  After the prophet Elijah defeated the false prophets of Baal, he had an emotional meltdown and God sent an angel to feed him and order him to take a nap.

With a full and happy heart, I woke up at 4:30am on Sunday morning to catch my 7:00am flight out of Denver. (At 6:15am, I made a last-minute decision before boarding to get a seven-minute mechanical chair massage. It was fabulous decision!)

During the flight, I could feel the “Elijah Effect” creeping in.

I closed my eyes and prayed. For weeks, I’ve been wading through some complex emotions after my oldest child’s wedding earlier this month. Also, the anniversary of my dad’s passing in 2017 is later this week.

Then, on my trip home from the airport, I got stuck in a stand still construction detour after getting a $180 speeding ticket. (I hadn’t received a speeding ticket since November 2000.) Oh, and my rear tire on my new car was leaking air, too.

Cue my emotional meltdown.

At first, I was upset that I was so upset. After all, no one had died. I was safe, cared for, connected and loved. Still, my heart hurt and I couldn’t stop the hurt.

I don’t like admitting that I fell apart after enjoying a wonderful weekend serving God and others. Yet, I share this uncomfortable story with you because I suspect that you’ve had a similar experience.

Here’s what’s real for all of us: Sometimes the jumble of our emotions, spiritual battles and everyday life collides. A meltdown doesn’t mean that we don’t love Jesus, it just means that we’re human.

But, what we do next is what matters. Since that wasn’t my first meltdown, thankfully I knew what I needed to do.

At the conference this weekend, I shared my “Taking Care of You” message. The key verse in that talk is 1 Peter 5:7: Give all of your worries and cares to God because He cares about you.

We usually criticize ourselves for crying or for not being stronger. Beating ourselves up never helps, it only hurts us more. Besides, God isn’t condemning us. He cares that we’re hurting. First Peter 5:7 is proof that God knew that we can’t carry the weight of life without Him. So, we need to ourselves a break!

When we’re crying or losing hope, that’s a HUGE cue that should prompt us on what to do. Here’s what we need to do:

Be gentle with ourselves.

What does “be gentle with yourself” mean?

Being gentle means treating yourself like you matter.

Being gentle means that you stop expecting yourself to push through, buck up or ignore your heartache.

Being gentle means that you slow down and give yourself permission to listen to what your heart, body and soul needs.

For me, being gentle with myself meant giving way to to those tears without judgement, suspending my to-do list and crawling into bed with a hot cup of chai tea and watching puppy videos on YouTube, like this one.

Being gentle also meant giving myself permission to ask for prayer and support. When I got home, I text some trusted friends to share my struggle and ask for prayer.

Did you need this message today?

Maybe you don’t, but tuck this “be gentle with yourself” lesson in a handy place by because you will need it.

If you need some ideas on how to care for yourself, here is the link to my popular e-book, “Taking Care of You in Tough Times: 101 Self-Care Tips” that I’ve developed years ago.

If you know someone who needs to be gentle with herself, you can share this email with her.

So, this wasn’t the post I planned to share today. But, I trust that God knew someone needed it. If not, I’m grateful for a opportunity to testify about how remembering that God cares for me makes a huge difference when I’m struggling.

I’d love to pray with you as we start off this new week:

Dear God, I am praying for my friend right now as she begins her week. God, I pray that she remembers that because You care for her, she has permission to be gentle with herself. I pray that she recognizes the condemning lies and deceptive tricks of the enemy. Surround her with loving and trusted voices that will remind her of Your love and truth.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Are you a people pleaser? Today's conversation is so good and so needed! Join Barb and her friend best-selling author Karen Ehman for a much needed, soul-freeing conversation about her new book, "When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable". Karen will tell you how to break the pattern of people pleasing and confidently live your life in a way that pleases God while still loving others. Oh, and you've got to hear Karen's 7 "stop it" statements for people pleasers!

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

www.karenehman.com

When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Karen Ehman is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, a New York Times bestselling author, and a writer for Encouragement for Today, an online devotional that reaches over 4 million people daily. She has written seventeen books including Keep It
Shut, Pressing Pause, and Keep Showing Up. Karen's passion is to help women to live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. Married to her college sweetheart, Todd, Karen is the mother of three, and mom-in-law of two. She enjoys antique hunting, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table for a taste of Mama Karen's cooking.

Check out this episode!

Do you ever wonder if you’re helping or hurting someone who is making bad life decisions?

If you’ve experienced my Joshua Bible study, you may remember a story that I tell about my friend, Leah. She struggled with young adult children who weren’t making healthy or helpful decisions. At the time, Leah lived stressed-out because whenever her 20-something kids would call in crisis, she didn’t know if coming to their rescue was actually helping or hurting them.

Perhaps, you can relate. Whether it’s your teen or adult kids, a sibling, parent or friend, we all want to show up and be there when they are struggling. But, how do we lovingly respond when their crisis is the result of self-inflicted pain, such as irresponsibility, addiction or unrepentance.

In Joshua 10, a group of foreigners visit Joshua and the other Israelite leaders. The foreigners present evidence of their long journey to make a treaty with the Israelites, who’ve gained quite a reputation for defeating the Canaanite kings. Somehow, they knew that the Israelites were forbidden from making a treaty with their Canaanite neighbors.

Joshua and the Israelite leaders believed the story of the foreigners and made a treaty with them. However, they quickly found out that the foreigners’ detailed story was all a lie! The foreigners, known as the Gibeonites, made up the story because they were afraid of being conquered. Since Joshua and the leaders didn’t prayerfully discern the treaty request, the Israelites ended up being responsible for an entire group of people that they never should have been responsible for. This meant bearing an extra burden of responsibility that God never intended for the Israelites to carry.

Anyone ever bail out someone and then regretted it later?

The sad reality is that desperate people who are in the habit of making bad decisions will often resort to making up stories or manipulating you as the listener to guilt you into rescuing them or shouldering their responsibility. However, God hasn’t called you to carry the load of anyone’s life, but your own.

Still, it’s not easy when someone is pouring out their sob story. So, how can you respond in a way that is respectful and loving, but without giving in? Here’s a tool from my Surrendered Bible study called “Validate and Wait.” I created this tool for myself years ago while I was dealing with an addiction issue in my household. Using this tool allowed me to speak and act in a respectful manner, but without offering help that could harmfully enable someone who refused to do what was healthy or helpful for themselves.

Here’s how you can use this tool:

First: Validate the person’s stress, fear, or even panic by patiently listening to his or her story.

 Coach yourself to listen without interrupting, judging or asking a lot of questions. Just listen. Avoid giving advice, because that’s often like turning the doorknob on the temptation to rescue.

While advice can be a good thing, it’s not helpful when the other person has a track record of ignoring wisdom and good advice. Instead, you can say things like, “I’m so sorry to hear this,” or “Gosh, that sounds like it is really hard for you to deal with.”

 Second: Give God space to work.

Once they’ve shared their entire story, they may be waiting for you to make an offer to step in and help. However, the best thing you can do is give God space to work in their lives by saying one or both of the following responses:

“Oh, I am so glad that you’ve shared all of this with me. This is going to be a pretty tough problem for you to deal with, but I know that you can do it.”

I’m going to take some time to pray for you and ask God to give me some encouragement to share with you.” (You might even offer to pray with the person right then.)

You may need to repeat these phrases if they call you again the next day. You do not need to make any offers to help until you’ve prayed and asked other trusted voices for input on what you should do.

For sure, this isn’t an easy situation, especially if you’re struggling with your own anxiety. However, as a therapist said to me years ago, “Barb, you’ve got to let them discover their need for God.”

The tough truth is that when someone is struggling for a long time, we need to step aside and allow them to experience the natural consequences of their behavior and trust that God will meet them in that place.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK: This may have been a pretty tough devotional for you to read because it’s a hard topic. Are you dealing with a situation right now where helping someone might actually be hurting them? How are you doing with it? Is the Validate and Wait tool helpful for you?

Why do Christian women report sexual satisfaction rates 47 points lower than their husbands? What if Christian women experience lower sexual satisfaction because of how we teach about sex in sermons and popular marriage books?

These provocative questions are answered by Sheila Gregoire, author of the new research based book, The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How To Recover What God Intended. Sheila and Barb dive into an honest, controversial, yet absolutely necessary conversation about marriage and everything that Christian women are taught about sex. Sheila teaches us that great sex is the fulfillment of a longing for intimacy rather than just one-sided pleasure. In our conversation, she is going to equip us to see sex as God intended: personal, pleasurable, pure, prioritized, pressure-free, and passionate. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

The Great Sex Rescue

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST

Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com, the largest single-blogger marriage blog. A sought-after speaker, she's also an award-winning author of nine books, including The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex. Sheila has a Masters in Public Administration and Master of Arts in Sociology both from Queen's University. Sheila built the successful blog, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, with traffic of one million page views a month. Her email list is 45,000 strong and her social media reach is over 100,000. Her podcast, Bare Marriage, has more than 5,000 downloads each week. She is an award-winning author with seven royalty published books. A sought after speaker, Sheila has spoken at churches and conferences around the globe. She is a frequent contributor at Family Life Canada events. Her latest book, "The Great Sex Rescue" was featured in the New York Times Book Review, Publishers Weekly, and the Washington Post. She has bylines at Religion News Service, Relevant Magazine, and other news sources. Sheila and her husband Keith, a pediatrician, live in Belleville Ontario. They have two grown daughters and one very adorable grandson who lives down the road. She enjoys hiking, birdwatching, RV camping trips, and board games. And she knits - even in line at the grocery store.

Check out this episode!

Marriage is a good thing! God is still raising up the next generation of husbands and wives who are passionate about godly marriage. 

 If you are a parent of young adults, you don't want to miss this episode as Barb talks with Malachi and Courtney Green about hope for marriage and the lessons that they are teaching about God-honoring marriage to the next generation.

Malachi and Courtney are passionate about growing together as a couple as well as growing God's kingdom. In this episode, they are sharing with Barb and Tabitha important lessons that you can share with the young adults in your life. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Malachi and Courtney's YouTube Channel

As You Wait Academy

ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUESTS

Malachi and Courtney Green are the Pastors of Heart of God Ministry although online many know them as The Greens. Their mission is to normalize Christ and never dilute his power. Their ministry focus is to train, and disciple Christians in all aspects of life. They also share a strong passion for Christ centered singleness and relationships.

Check out this episode!