It’s always cool to see when God drops you into someone’s life for a moment and for a reason...
Today, I met Katheryne when I checked into my new hotel in Houston. I’ve been in Texas for five days for a retreat and I arranged to stay an extra day to catch up on some writing away from the distractions of home.
As it turns out, God seemed to be doing some arranging of His own...
While she checked me at the new hotel, Katheryne looked at my age on my drivers license and asked how I stayed looking so young.
I gave her $100 for asking that. Ha!
I told Katheryne that I prayed each day, worked out, ate well, and got lots of sleep. I also mentioned that I speak kindly to myself, even when I make mistakes.
As I signed the hotel paperwork, Katheryne asked if I had kids and then she told me about her busy little toddler boy.
Then, she asked if I was married.
I told her that I was recently divorced.
She didn’t say anything for a few seconds. I looked up. While that sweet young woman was trying to be professional at work, the reality of life at home began to show up on her face.
She told me that she’d been separated for two months
I walked over to the edge of the counter and asked if I could give her a hug.
She said yes. I hugged her. Katheryne looked like she was around the age of my 24 year old daughter. She was far too young to experience such a heartache.
I asked if I could pray for her. She said yes. So I did.
I asked God to remind Katheryne that she was never alone and that He was always present with her. I asked Him to send people to surround her, support her, and love her through this.
I opened my eyes to see tears falling down her face.
Since Katheryne was at work, I kept the prayer brief. But she said that she felt better. She felt calm and peaceful. Katheryne added, “Sometimes I pray once every four or five days, but I think that I need to do it each day.”
I smiled. I don’t know what happened to her relationship or to her husband. But it’s none of my business. It’s not for me to figure out who was at fault. Too often we like to do that because we base our compassion on a sliding scale of how much we think that someone messed up.
Instead, I chose to be present in her pain. To show her love and remind her that God loves her.
Since I’ve walked on the broken, bumpy road of a wrecked relationship that she now travels, Katheryne felt safe enough to be real since I was like a temporary older sister who shared her story.
I didn’t have to give her advice or try to fix her feelings. I could say “I’m so sorry that this has happened.” And I could be give thanks that out of brokenness, I feel like a big sister in a silent group of women sitting alone on Sunday mornings. These are the women who often feel like failures or second-class Christians wearing the oft-embarrassing and painful “Scarlet D.” They remain painfully silent because they’ve learned the hard way that sometimes that is the only way they can avoid criticism, being shamed, or hold onto their church. I’ve learned to embrace the blessing that comes with being able to see them, meet them, and whisper a different kind of “Me, too.”
While marriage loss is always tragic, God has freed me from the guilt, the shame, and the weight of that "Scarlet D" that tends to crush the already broken pieces of a divorce-shattered heart. On the other side of freedom, I feel so strongly about showing up and loving on women who feel isolated, alone, and unloved. While it isn’t the main thing that God has called me to do, it’s a privilege that I’ve come to cherish.
As I wheeled my bags away from the front desk, I was so grateful that I stayed an extra day in Houston to catch up on some work. Usually I don’t tack a day onto a long trip because I prefer to get back home to my pajamas and favorite tea mugs.
I’m praying that I get a lot of words on the page today for my next book. But I’m already thankful that God gave me a chance to meet Katheryne.
Would you pray with me for Katheryne today?
Dear God, we thank you that there are no coincidences in life. Thank you for the opportunity to meet Katheryne. And while our paths may never cross again, I am grateful to know that you are present with her each second of every day. I pray that Katheryne remembers that you were always with her and for her. I pray that you give her wisdom and provision in this very tender season of her life. Surround her with wise and trusted voices and continue to draw her closer to you. In Jesus name, amen.
Are you facing a problem in life that you just can't fix, no matter what you do?
Are you a control-lover who needs to let go of control (but you don't know how)?
Perhaps you've heard the phrase "Let go and let God." But it's easier said than done. Is it possible that giving up on what you can't change is God's path to peace for your life? In my new Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus Bible study, you can follow Jesus into a hard-stretch in His life and learn principles that can bring freedom and peace into your life! Surrendered is a six-week Bible study of Jesus in the wilderness. I also explore Jesus' time of testing and temptation as well as contrast His faithfulness to the Israelites' failures in the wilderness.
As you learn from Jesus' example, you'll discover six Surrender principles that will equip you to let God lead you to victory despite your circumstances as you deal with the problems and pain you are facing:
1. Recognize You Can’t Handle It 2. Stop Following Your Feelings 3. Give Up Control and Reach for God 4. Embrace God’s Better Blessing 5. Let Go of Fear 6. Experience the Blessings of a Surrendered Life
My friends, learning how to let go and live like Jesus has been the key to my survival the past decade. If you're tired of following your feelings or being disappointed by unchanging circumstances, learn how to surrender like Jesus and experience God's power and peace in your life as never before. You can let go of control and let God lead you through wilderness seasons and tough times to His blessings. It's not easy, but it's WORTH IT!
My new Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like JesusBible study releases on April 7, 2020. The study guide, leader guide, and teaching DVD are all available now for pre-order. This would be a great study to finish out your women's ministry spring season! You can watch the promo video and then click here to check out pre-order information.
In last week’s newsletter and Focus 2020 video (that you can watch by clicking here) was all about helping you focus on what’s most important in your life. I want you to have an amazing 2020! I know that you have hopes and dreams, but you also have to deal with life! When life feels like a blur, we can feel lost, stuck, and even discouraged.
Is that how you’re feeling these days? If so, keep reading because I want to share something powerful with you that helps me create powerful spiritual clarity in my life each year!
For me, one of the best things I do each January is choose a word of the year. The word that I choose captures an inner quality that I want to be intentional about in the coming year.
What’s my word for 2020? My word is FOCUS. I feel pretty good about this because the year is 2020 and having 20/20 vision is considered to be in focus, meaning that someone can see with clarity.
In order for me to find my word of the year, I opened up my Bible. I asked myself this question: What word captures who I want to be this year in order for me to do my best?
As I read through some of my favorite Bible verses, I came across one verse that has been a special verse for many decades: “Seek the kingdom above all else and live righteously and He will give you everything that you need.” (Matthew 6:33 NLT)
Seek means to crave in the original language. If you’ve ever craved something, you know that you are focused on getting it into your belly, even if you’ve got to drive all the way across town to get it!
As I read that verse and thought about my current spiritual temperature, my hopes and dreams, as well as my current circumstances, I realized that I would need to be ruthlessly intentional about staying focused on God.
For me, clarity is so important. Life can get fuzzy when we’ve got too many “yeses” on our calendar. Life gets fuzzy when we don’t have solid spiritual anchors to ground us or the urgent in our lives always gets the attention over the important.
I’ve spent many fuzzy years in the past running around like a chicken with my head cut off while doing a lot of good things. Guess what? I was always tired. I got sick often. I felt stressed out all of the time.
I don’t want to live that way in more. I don’t think that God wants me to live that way anymore.
So, for me, the word is FOCUS. And I’ve even created an acryonym:
F- Five Verses (Repeat five Bible verses each morning when I awake)
O – Optimistic (Living with hope in God)
C – Commitments (Be aware of my “yeses”)
U – Ubuntu (African word for community – maintain life-giving connections)
S – Simplicity (Follow the KISS rule for my life, Keep It Simple, Sister!)
To help me stay connected to my word of the year, I will do three things:
Repeat Matthew 6:33 as much as possible. When I say the verse, it will trigger me to think about my word of the year.
Journal about my word of the year and how I am applying it to my life.
Pray about it because ultimately, I will need God’s help to stay focused this year.
QUESTION: Do you have a word of the year or verse for this year? Share it with us in the comments below.
We're a few days into the year 2020. If you're from my generation or before, you might have seen the memes and jokes about how badly we wanted Barbara Walters to show up everywhere saying, "This is 2020."
Since it's the start of not only a new year, BUT a new decade, it's a PERFECT opportunity to get clear about who we are and our purpose in the new year.
Today, I'm excited to offer you a fabulous opportunity to take some powerful and practical next steps on getting yourself focused and ready to be your best as well as walk closer with Christ in the upcoming year.
Are you ready to get clear about your new year?
In the video below, I'm sharing with you a NEW special tool that I developed called Focus 2020. I will walk you through how to choose your word of the year, verse of the year, and help you identify three practical ways that you can be more intentional, let go, and practice self-care.
Getting started is easy! Just click the video below! The FREE Focus 2020 worksheet can be downloaded by clicking here.
One final thing...Even if you don't feel like doing this, just watch the video. I've got an inspiring and encouraging word for you, no matter if you do the Focus 2020 exercise or not. Please let me encourage you today!
Praying God's best for your new year!
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Originally posted to social media on December 24, 2019.
This little tree sits right outside my apartment door. I bought it last year. Before this little tree, my family had a ceiling scraping tree that took hundreds and hundreds of lights, decorations and muchas time to decorate.
But this little tree represents something very sweet to me. It was a new beginning, even though it was a small, difficult start.
We often get frustrated with small things. We underestimate little moments. We discount tiny gestures.
Yet I love the wisdom in Zechariah 4:10 when a messenger of God told the people: “Do not despise small beginnings.”
Ahhhh, that is so true isn’t it?
We treasure the biggest, best, fastest and most impressive. Yet, Christmas is a reminder that the very best does really come in a small package.
God’s people expected a Savior that would come guns - no - swords blazing. So they rejected the quiet arrival of a babe born in an unimpressive space with a lot of run of the mill company.
But there were a few people, some wise men who knew the power of a small beginning!
See those little boxes? I bought them at the same time as my tree.
Those boxes remind me of the precious gifts that the wisemen brought for that tiny heavenly king. They didn’t bring truckloads of stuff, rather a small priceless treasure that they carried close to their hearts.
Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.
The value would have been enough for Joseph’s family to live well for some time.
Small gifts can a big impact.
This Christmas, give yourself permission to stop stressing out about not being able to give or get enough.
Truth is, you’ve already been given everything that will ever matter.
That small beginning in Bethlehem thousands of years ago set the stage for a world-changing event decades later.
Jesus came so that you could have peace. He came to bring you hope. He died and then conquered death so that you could let go and find freedom from your past and look forward to a purposeFULL and eternal future.
Don’t overlook the small beginning of Christmas because you’re too busy going after the bigger or shinier things.
Everything you’ve ever needed is already given to you.
Be wise. Don’t miss him.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” -Luke 12:34 NIV
Are you looking for an excuse to postpone taking down your Christmas tree?
Do you need to do something with your hands other than eat another cookie?
Would you like to read some good news since things have been pretty tense in our country lately?
If so, I can help!
Here's my end-of-the year ministry and personal update. As you're reading this update, I'm cleaning up my apartment. I had a wonderful time celebrating Christmas with my three adult daughters. Last Christmas, my oldest daughter was on deployment in the Middle East, so I loved having her home this year. We enjoyed created special memories together during family game nights, a hysterical escape room adventure and visiting with extended family.
Speaking of blessings, I want to shout about how God has blessed my ministry this year. If you've prayed for me this year, purchased one of my Bible studies or attended one of my speaking events, TOGETHER we shared in what God was doing in and around me.
I'd love to share some of the highlights of what God has done through my ministry this year. Here are some photos that capture a small snapshot of all that God blessed me to be a part of in ministry this year. After the photos, I'm sharing an update on my family and marriage.
In 2019, my word-of-the-year was HOPE. That was inspired by my verse of the year below, which is Romans 12:12.
I chose the word HOPE because for the past few years, my greatest spiritual challenge has been learning to how to keep my focus on giving God glory, no matter the outcome of my personal story.
For those who are new to my email list, my family has been in the midst of a long and hard season due to an addiction issue in our home. I've refrained from sharing a lot of details because my family wanted - and at times - needed the privacy. I wrote a few blog posts in July and August 2018 about what was happening, so if you want background information, you can read here.
I've been grateful for the prayers and notes of support from so many of you. Over the past 16 months, I've heard from a heartbreaking number of wives who were dealing with addiction issues in their marriages and families. If you've been afraid to speak up or feeling ashamed of speaking up, please know that you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Most of all, you aren't alone. You are not solely responsible for saving your marriage. Be wise and talk about what's really going on - and be wise about who you choose to talk to!
For the past 10 years, I prayed and asked God to rescue my marriage and restore our family. But, that didn't happen. After 26-years of marriage, my spouse no longer wanted to continue being married even after numerous pleas for counseling and reconciliation.
Over the year of court hearings and delays, I slugged through crippling grief, anger, loss of confidence, shame and a two-week depression in late-March. The depression set in after an emotionally traumatic court date. I had the face the reality that I was not going to get the miracle that I prayed for. The pain of it all was too much. I lost the ability to speak for a few days. Other than a brief workout each morning, I stayed in bed for days. Thankfully, I had a break in my speaking and writing schedule so that I could get the help and rest that I needed.
This summer, I wrote the Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus Bible study. This Bible study is about letting go of what we can't control. I focused on Jesus' time in the wilderness. I spent a lot of time meditating on Jesus' response to Satan in Matthew 4:4: People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.
During those dark days in March when I barely felt like I had enough life to keep breathing, I would lay in bed and repeat every Bible verse I knew. I couldn't eat. I could barely move. But it was God's Word that sustained me.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because the LORD is with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! -Isaiah 26:3
The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. -Psalm 29:11
These verses and dozens of others breathed life into me when nothing else on the planet could help. If you've read about my God-Morning/God-Night Technique from Winning the Worry Battle, you know that I repeat five verses every morning before I get out of bed each day. God has used this as a healing and strengthening exercise for my heart and mind.
Our divorce was settled at the end of September 2019. It took a few more months of final paperwork, but at the end of the year, the divorce is done.
During this long season, God also surrounded me with an incredible support system of friends, both from church and Al-Anon. My accountability partner and Christian counselor provided a safe spaces for me to be 100% real and deal with messy emotions. The truth does set us free - but first, it does hurt. And that's okay! Freedom is worth it!
I felt the God's conviction be vigilant about carrying for my body and soul. God created our bodies and commands us to take care of them.
I cried through a lot of workouts, but exercised anyways because it helped me stay upbeat and positive. Exercise energized me and even helped me with staying consistent with my own daily Bible study and prayer.
I've noticed that when I felt physically worn out or down, it's tough to be spiritually engaged. So working out helps me stayed engaged with God.
In addition to exercise, I've kept up a weekly fast for the past four years. This spiritual discipline built up my self-control and prayer muscles so that I could battle against the various temptations like emotional over-eating, control-loving issues or holding onto resentment. I need new spiritual muscles now that I am single. I'm still a whole woman so self-control is needed in new ways, like avoiding inappropriate relationships (which wasn't challenging, but a new aspect of life that I've had to adjust to this year).
I'm still trust God's sovereignty over how addiction and divorce have destroyed precious family relationships.
My adult daughters are still dealing with some hard things. I've dealt with family and friends who been critical, in denial, judgmental or cut off contact. It's painful. Yet, wise voices around me encourage me toward showing grace, keeping good boundaries and walking out Romans 12:18: As much as it is up to you, live at peace with everyone. So, while there are people in my family who no longer want to have a relationship with me. But I can let go of the hurt and forgive, even if there is no reconciliation. There is great freedom in forgiving and letting go!
As you know, my most recent Bible study is I'm Waiting, God: Finding Blessing in God's Delays. Not only did I experience God's provision while writing the study, I had live out the spiritual principles that I wrote about in the study. In the final week of the Bible study, I write about letting go when God's answer is no. This is a hard part of life that we don't like to acknowledge.
For reasons that we don't understand, God allows loss, pain, death, addiction, divorce, infertility, etc. He didn't cause these tragedies, but God is the only One who can redeem our pain.
God's glory is never dependent on how He answered our prayers. God's goodness isn't diminished one iota even though my marriage ended. He is still good. He is still a good God. At the same time, God is compassionate and loving. I've sensed His love and presence every single moment of this heartbreaking situation.
Divorce is the death of a sacred, holy union. If you've been through a divorce, you've experienced the shocking physical pain of being emotionally gutted by the ripping apart of that union. It's the death of companionship, love, intimacy and a future. I spent the first half of 2019 coming to grips with the loss of my marriage.
It was a spiritual battle for me to hold onto hope.
I ruthlessly cling to Jeremiah 29:11 - that even in this heartbreak that God's plan's for my life and my family's life are for good and not evil. I believe this for each one of us, including my former husband. I am grateful for God's mercy that my girls and I have been freed from the pain of living in addiction. Every single day, I pray that he will experience God's freedom and rescue as well.
Friends, in this 47th year of my life, I experienced the power of God working in my life in miraculous ways. This year, I've experienced the blessing of living for God's glory, no matter the outcome of my story. Too often we get wrapped up in the way that we think that our lives should look or turn out - and when God doesn't answer those prayers, we get discouraged.
In my I'm Waiting, God study, I say it like this: What if God has better blessings for us when He doesn't give us what we want?
That's a hard and scary question, isn't it? Especially if you're praying for something that means a lot to you. I get that. My marriage and my family meant a lot to me. I may never know why God allowed this to happen, but I don't need to know either. Even if I did know, the tragedy still happened.
So, I decided to trust God and focus on what I could do:
I can lean in. I can hold on. I can choose faith. I can be strong.
So much has happened this year, so it wasn't possible for me to get through what I've been through on my own.
I could not have filmed two teaching DVDs in my own strength.
God's strength got to me through.
Not a chance I could have managed 31 speaking events across the country and given 70, yes 70 separate talks at those speaking events.
God's strength got me through.
I wouldn't have tremendous joy, peace, courage and strength to embark upon a new year with hope and excitement. All Glory to God!
Thank you for reading my long update. I know that I'm not the only one going through a hard time. If that's you, know that I am hugging you and praying for you, my friend. You are not alone! If you've got any questions about my ministry or family update, you're welcome to email me at barb@barbroose.com.
So what now? Well, next week I'm sharing a post about preparing ourselves for 2020. In fact, I've got a fun planning sheet for YOU! It's not a goals sheet, but a focus sheet to help you pick what's going to be important to you this year.
Do you realize that your encouraging words can give others courage?
I saw this little ginkgo leaf laying alone on a walk recently. Ginkgo leaves always remind me of Mr. Pete Frazier, my sixth grade teacher who was the first person who told me that I had a gift for writing.
He taught our class English for 90 minutes each day. We’d groan and complain, but he’d teach on. But he was also generous with extra recesses and taking our class on walks.
His house was near the school and one day he took us there to see his favorite ginkgo tree. I loved the shape of the leaves and Mr. Frazier’s enthusiasm.
My neighborhood is filled with ginkgo trees and each time I look at the leaves, like this one, I’m reminded of every time Mr. Frazier looked that tall, awkward, brown-skinned girl with giant glasses in the eyes and how he encouraged her to write on. His encouragement gave me courage! Ultimately, Mr. Frazier’s kind words paved a portion of the road that led to my life today.
Three years ago, I had the precious opportunity to email Mr. Frazier and thank him. It was a precious moment for me.
🍁 Here’s one of my very favorite wisdom sayings: “Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” -Proverbs 16:24
YOUR ACTION STEP: Today, find someone and call out whatever is special or wonderfully unique about them. Send a text, a note or make a call. Or, make that call and say “thank you” to whoever has made a difference in your life. This is a great time of the year to let people know that they matter!
I remember standing over my toddler’s crib as she screamed in her sleep. Bless her little heart, she was having a nightmare so I didn’t want to jar her awake by picking her up. It hurt to see that her little eyes were screwed shut while juicy teardrops clung to her soaked eyelashes. Each sharp cry bounced off each wall before slamming into my aching mother’s heart.
I leaned over her crib to rub her back and soothe her pain. I cooed soft words toward her little ears.
Shhhhh, don’t cry, sweetheart. Mama is right here.
Shhhhh, don’t cry. You’re safe. You’re going to be okay.
It broke my heart that she couldn’t hear my comforting words because of the fearful cries. As her mother, I knew that she didn’t have anything to fear because I was watching over her. It’s hurt to see her in pain, but I knew that she couldn’t receive the comfort until she was ready to stop crying.
I wonder if the sound of our cries often drowns out the comforting words and promises that God wants us to hear from Him? In times of hardship or pain, our fears can make us forget that God is near and watching out for us.
In Joshua 1, the Israelites prepared to enter the Promised Land. I'm sure that they had a lot of questions and concerns about what would happen next. Afterall, they’d heard about the giants and powerful enemies living in the land. I’m sure that a few people let their imaginations run wild, likely resulting in some anxious thoughts or fears. In fact, those fears led the previous generation to rebel against God many years before.
Yet, God speaks a series of powerful reminders about victory to their new leader, Joshua. In fact, there’s a well-known phrase that God repeats to Joshua. God uses the phrase “be strong and courageous” three times in Joshua 1:6-7 and 9. That phrase also pops up in various other scripture verses, too.
Here’s what God proclaims to Joshua in verse 9: “This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Before Joshua and the Israelites ever set one foot in the Promised Land, God promised them of His power and presence in their lives. This meant that even in the moments when they couldn’t feel God, He was there. Furthermore, even when their circumstances looked messy or they made mistakes, God was still here. Most of all, even in their darkest hours, God would still be there.
This is such an encouragement to us, isn’t it?! Especially since there are times in life when we feel like we’re lost, alone or in the middle of nightmare, God’s power and presence are with us giving us the ability to be strong and courageous in our circumstances.
For me, the practical application comes down to something that I write about in my Joshua Bible Study: The difference between worry and worship is WHO I’m talking to. The most powerful way to flip from fear to faith is to tackle every “what, if “ fear that keeps us up at night and instead pray with a “God, if…” faith that connects us to God’s power, presence and ultimately His victory!
"My God is the author of resurrection." -Laney Houser
From the outside, everyone assumed that Laney Houser was a superwoman and had it all. She was a pastor's wife, had two Masters' degrees and owned a successful counseling practice.
However, behind the successful and shiny veneer of ministry and career success, Laney didn't want people to know that she was crumbling from the inside out. For years, she didn't want to admit it to herself. Finally, the toll of living in an abusive marriage, excessive overworking and a chronic health condition pushed Laney over the edge into a complete mental health breakdown.
In this episode of the Better Together podcast, I talk with Laney about her decision to let go of everything in her life and check in for in-patient treatment to recover from her breakdown. It's a story that Laney is proud of because she explains that letting go of the life that was killing her opened the door for God to resurrect a new life filled with new purpose, passion and most of all, healing.
Now, she is living with pure joy each day and describes herself as "miracle-ly married" for the past 31 years as she and her husband both sought God's forgiveness, treatment and individual accountability to deal with the abuse situation in their home.
In this week's episode, Laney and I discuss:
What are the signs of mental health breakdown?
Identifying marriage abuse and why a woman shouldn't attend marriage counseling with her husband if he is abusive.
Wisdom on how to safely exit a potentially abusive outburst from a spouse.
The power of letting go and how God can bring healing, restoration and freedom from even the lowest points in our lives.
Now, Laney is a coach and enjoys teaching people how to live in joy and freedom. She says, "If you don't like the life that you're living, you can change it."
Laney is also the host of the Unstoppable Women's Conference, an online event in December. Laney and I recorded an interview and we had a great time discussing what it means to be an unstoppable woman who lives with purpose in each. You can find out more information by clicking here.
Laney Houser is a joy-filled health and happiness coach who loves coaching successful Christian women to live with purpose and passion. Her curiosity and love for learning has helped her complete two Master's Degrees; one in Counseling and one in Theology, and certification in life coaching and health coaching. She is an emotional eating and eating disorder specialist and is currently working on her first book. She's got three fantastic grown kids, two of whom are married, and an awesome husband of 31 years. When she's not reading a good book she's hanging out with her amazing family hiking, biking, kayaking, skiing and just enjoying the great outdoors where she lives in beautiful Bend, Oregon.
Here's a FREE resource that you can download to your phone or print with practical suggestion to teach your kids how to be patient. Use these practical tips when you're running errands or at home. Click here to download.
As moms, we want what’s best for our families. We want our kids to be healthy and to succeed. We dream of homes that or organized or at least the clutter is in piles to be dealt with later. If we’re homeschooling or working, we want to do a good job there, too. But what if our efforts to make all of those things happen is exactly what’s driving our impatience with our kids?
Have you ever gotten angry or impatient with you kids because they procrastinated, moved too slow or needed you to repeat the directions too many times? You’re not alone if you’ve lost your cool because your kids were moving at the slower, clumsier speed that kids tend to go?
Com’on honey , I taught you how to tie your shoes two months ago. I know that you're only five, but is that the fastest you can do it?Hurry up, we’ve got to go!
You aren't dressed, YET?! We're going to be late to school!
(I’m sure there is a scientific study out there to prove that most kids do not want to wake up for school. So, why do we keep yelling at Sienna or Sam because they can’t get from bed to buttoned-up in two minutes flat? This isn't a question to parent-shame, only to challenge our expectations and our responses.)
Here's the thing: Kids are a lot like a kitchen remodel. Anything that they do will always take three times as long, go twice as slow and cost twice as much.
If you’re like me, you’ve prayed God, give me patience way more than you can remember. I lost my cool at times, too. We don’t want to be grumpy or cranky with our kids. So, what's secret sauce to patience? I discovered it a few years ago and this a-ha moment transformed my life and it can transform your life, too.
My patience ah-ha moment came to me after a job transition. At the same time, we were going through a family crisis. The combination of those two events forced me to cut way back on my commitments and spend most all of my time at home. Then something pretty fabulous happened in the midst of a lot of hardache. Since the number of obligations on my schedule dropped dramatically, I realized that I'd stopped yelling at the kids to "hurry up" or felt frustrated because they asked questions (like kids to!)
All of the sudden, I felt like a more patient mom. Not because of my kids supernatually started moving fasting, but because I was finally moving slower.
For many years, I had so much on my to-do list that my priorities undermined all of my prayers asking God for patience. It's nearly impossible to be patient when we've got so much pressuring our hearts and minds each day.
I love the wisdom that Dallas Willard shared in John Ortberg’s book, Soulkeeping: “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” Hurry is when our minds are racing from one thing to the next. It's when you don't have a moment to spare for anything to go wrong or move less than 100mph.
Can you see where that's not fair to our kids? They aren't the ones filling your schedule. Yet, when we're in a hurry, we're more likely to rush by what they need. We don't have time to observe, listen or just show love in a way that means most to them. Worst of all, we just might be too impatient to really see what's happening in their hearts.
The secet sauce to patience with our kids is to take the pressure off our schedule.
Eliminating hurry in my life meant that I had to get ruthlessly clear about my “yeses” and “no’s.” I had to set boundaries and learn how to be okay with diappointing people. Most of all, I had to trust God’s promises that as I say more “no’s” than “yes’s” that God will take are of my business so that I could be present and attentive to my kids. Here's some of my ways that I've learned to say "no":
I'm so flattered that you've asked. Thank you for thinking of me. Right now, my schedule is maxed so I'm going to have to miss out on what you've offered.
I love this! I love that you asked me. Right now, I can't. Life is so full already, so I need keep a simple schedule to I don't get stressed out.
One scheduling strategy that I use is to schedule appointments or requests for meetings/coffee on one day per week. I keep 2-3 spots on that one day per week and that keeps me from overscheduling.
This means that I don't attend most of the cool-kid places around town and my face is missing from the photos at cool events. And I've learned to be okay with that because I don't have hurry in my life.
The payoff is worth it! I love knowing that I am a more patient mom. My girls are all grown up now and live in different states. Yet, they will need a mom who can be available to talk on their schedule. They need a mom who has time to pray about the difficult circumstances in their lives and to pray over the choices they’re considering.
Do you want to be a more patient mom? When are the times that you struggle to be patient with your kids?
It was two years ago today that my 67-year old dad, Bobby, passed away from lung cancer - only eight days after being diagnosed. Dad lived over 24, 455 days. He only died on one of those days, so I want to remember his long life. Here's a picture of one of those 24,000 days.
In 2016, we traveled to New York City because my beautiful opera-singing sister Tonya was performing at Carnegie Hall. Dad was a homebody, so it was a big deal that he agreed to go. Before her performance, I talked my family into visiting one of my favorite places: Midtown Manhattan.
We're weren't in Midtown long before I noticed that Dad didn't love the hustle and bustle of the city. He wasn't a complainer, but I knew that NY wasn't his thing.
Sure enough, after 40 minutes and one picture in front of an NYC police car, Dad announced, "Welp, I think that it's time to go back to the car."
I was like, "Wait, what?" But the look on his face let me know that Bob Neal had seen all of NYC that he'd planned to see.
I think that Dad had more fun walking back to the car than actually hanging out in midtown. He bought a snack from a street vendor, took pictures with the street performers and walked with mom through one of those cheesy gift shops. He was smiling by the time that we got back to the car.
One of the things that I loved most about my dad is that he knew what he liked and what he didn't. But, he also respected that about others as well. Dad had a lot of friends because of he loved and cared about people without trying to fix them.
I miss Dad, but I'm grateful that I got to spend a pretty good chunk of those 24, 455 days with him. Even more grateful that I'll get to spend eternity with him and never have to say goodbye again.
"Being strong isn't about perfection and it's not about having it all together. It's about having the tools to shift and turn it around when we're feeling overwhelmed, distracted and looking for a pathway out."
-Susan Seay
How do you define a "strong woman"?
This is one of those phrases that represents what we want to be, but often we never quite feel strong, especially when our lives are filled with struggle. Strong isn't having it all together and strong isn't perfection. In my experience, I've learned that strength is often something that I can't always see in myself, but I can make decisions that will make me strong - whether I feel it or not.
On today's Better Together podcast, my friend Susan Seay shares the three decisions that can start making today that will infuse your life with strength. Best of all, today's conversation is deep and 'fo real! As a wife and homeschool mother of 7, Susan talks about tough family challenges that their family has navigated such as parenting, marriage struggles and work-life balance issues.
Imagine what it would feel like each day for you to wake up with the:
Strength to face any challenge;
Strength to overcome failure;
Strength to go for your dreams;
Strength to trust God no matter what happens!
If you want to have this kind of strength, buckle up and press play for today's conversation. You deserve to invest these 30 minutes in yourself, your life and your future.
What are the three decisions that strong women must make?
A strong woman establish an answer to the question "Who is God?" (Warning: This question has two different meaning, so listen as Susan brilliantly explains!)
A strong woman determines what it means to live intentionally in her present moment.
A strong woman are committed to trusting that better days are ahead
Susan Seay has a highly engaging podcast- "Mentor 4 Moms" and she's also the Author of The Intentional Parent: Parenting On Purpose When Life Gets Busy.
As a wife and mom to 7, she understands the challenges of trying to raise kids in a noisy and distracted world. Her mission is to help families create a culture in their homes that is both on purpose and full of purpose. It's what Susan refers to as - Intentional Parenting. Her commitment to being a Mentor 4 Moms on Intentional Parenting has given her the opportunity to share with women both locally and Internationally reaching women all over the globe. Every time Susan speaks her goal is to provide encouragement combined with helpful practical tools.
You can find out more about her work and stay connected by visiting SusanSeay.com
About your Better Together Podcast Host...
Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about equipping women to win at life with Christ-empowered strength and dignity. Barb loves speaking at women's conference and leadership events such as the Aspire Women's Events, She Speaks Conference and the UMC Leadership Institute.
Barb is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including her newest releases: I'm Waiting, God: Finding Blessings in God's Delay and Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. Barb's writing has been featured in magazines or blogs such as Simple Truth Magazine, iBelieve.com, Crosswalk.com, More to Life Magazine, Just Between Us Magazine, Cherished, InCourage and Women of Faith.
An avid traveler, reader, and lover of all things chocolate-peanut butter, Barb lives in NW Ohio and she's the proud mother of three adult daughters. Visit Barb's online home at barbroose.com.
Barb Roose is a speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous so that they experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives.
Check out Barb’s new releases, Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm book and Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelms Bible study.
Barb lives in NW Ohio and is proud mother of three adult kids. Whenever possible, Barb prefers to eat dessert first. Visit Barb’s online home at barbroose.com.
