by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
by Barb Roose | Jul 27, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
A few months ago, I realized that my back was really hurting. The first few minutes of each morning were getting really painful. Like OOUUUCCCHH! To make matters worse, when I did move, my bones were popping and cracking like a 90-year old man. Goodness!
My body was finally shouting loud enough for me to listen. You see, my workout regimen had been hit –miss – miss- miss – miss for many months. I’d get in a week of exercise here and there, nothing consistent. So after many months of excuses and good intentions that went nowhere my body’s pain protests were finally louder than the excuses I’d been telling myself. It was time to get back on it. Time to take care of my body. But, there’s one thing:
I don’t love exercise.
I just don’t. I hate admitting this, but I’ve got to keep it real. I love sports and competition, but I don’t love working out. I’m much rather consume a pile of cookies and unlimited Netflix over pulling out my workout mat and moving off the couch. Running, planks and yoga do not hold the same thrill as chocolate-peanut butter ice cream and streaming episodes of “Fixer Upper” with Chip and Joanna Gaines…I love them.
Yet, when I’m not taking care of my body, my body lets me know it.
I give thanks that my body started sending me angry, painful messages a few months back. That pain forced me to get my butt literally back into gear. You know what hurts worse than working out? The pain of a body that isn’t cared for! God created our bodies to move. This doesn’t mean that we’ve got to run 10 miles a day, but we’ve got to do something! While those managing fragile health issues must follow their doctor’s instructions, many have been encouraged by their doctors to engage in some form of physical movement. It’s how God designed us!
From a spiritual standpoint, I believe that caring my body honors God. I believe that caring for my body is one way to prepare for God to use me for the good works that He’s planned for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). While I have no control over whether or not some illness or medical condition will interfere with my current wellness, I am responsible for how I treat my body today.
While we know that what’s on the inside of a person matters most, but we should never take our bodies or health for granted. They are a gift from God!
Q4U (Question for you): How are you treating your God-given body? On a scale of 1 (bad)-10 (great) how well are you:
- …Nourishing your body in a way that will make you healthy and strong?
- …Getting a good night’s sleep?
- …Disciplining yourself to pursue fitness in some form most days of the week?
- …Experience connection with others?
For any question that you answered less than a “5,” then what do you need to do differently and most importantly, what’s going to be the reason “why” you need to behave differently. Without a compelling “why,” you probably won’t follow-through.
Meditate on this today: I honor God with my body when I care for it and strengthen it as much as I am able.
Thanks for stopping by today! If this devotional blessed you, share it with your friends!
by Barb Roose | May 4, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
News flash: According to our culture, thin is in. And, young is, too.
When we scroll through our social media newsfeeds or pretend not reading People or Star Magazine in line at the grocery store, our eyes capture image after image of youth. It’s hard to not notice the two-dimensional, digitized perfection of bright, unlined eyes, silky cellulite-free legs or taut tummies skin coming at us from every direction. We’re seen the photos of Hollywood starlets, barely out of high school, wearing grown-up hair and clothes posing for pictures that capture their shiny, smooth, youthful skin. No wrinkles. No puckers. Just smooth skin. From head to toe. Even if the photos are tweaked on someone’s laptop before posting, those images are evidence of what the message that our culture wants every woman to bathe in and believe: Only young is beautiful.
Once upon a time (not long ago), I bought into that message. When I was young, that message didn’t create any drama in my life. But, the day I turned 35, that message devastated me.
On the day I turned 35 years old, my husband and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary in glorious Grand Cayman. There I stood against the crystalline blue Caribbean waters with the man of my dreams at my side. I gazed at the beauty of my surroundings and slowly, emotionally began to disconnect from it. I could feel the beauty around me, but I could not feel it in me. I began to crumble. Right there in that perfect moment, I covered my eyes and sobbed in the middle of the street. Like an avalanche, my tears tumbled down my cheeks and a great cry rumbled from the pit of my soul, bulldozing through my tender heart and exploding out of my mouth. My anguish was apparent to the concerned tourists that strolled by. I didn’t care. I just leaned against my husband and mourned the fact that I was losing a connection to something that matter to me: youth.
So, I had the ugly cry. Snot. Loud gasps. More snot. Incoherent words. Doubled over. Tissues weren’t going to help and nothing was going to stop it. Once the ugly cry starts, you’re just in until it’s over.
Photo credit: Pinterest
Y’all know what I’m talking about, right. Oh, please tell me that you understand! It may not make rational sense, but I think you get where I’m coming from. If not, let me try to explain my mental math: 35 years old – day before = 34 years, 365 days = Youth versus 35th birthday = You ain’t no spring chicken anymore.
What a difference a day makes, right? Perhaps, your switch flipped at 29, 39, 49 or 69. I was fine at 29. Marginal at 39, but at least better prepared. But, on that day, my 35th birthday, I feared that the Hands of Time was waiting behind some mirror to start smacking me around. Remember getting birthday spanks for each year? I expected birthday slaps, expecting each strike would remove some evidence of my youth with every blow. What would I lose first?
I sobbed as I wondered, “Can I still go for IT?” “Should I still take risks or settle for easy success?” “Will the world listen to an older woman and take her seriously.“ I might have been standing in paradise on my 35th birthday, but in my heart and mind, I was in a abyss.
This photo was captured mid-air during my June 2011 skydive. I survived. Whew.
My devastation stemmed from the fear that my value was diminishing. Would I be enough as I got older? In my heart and mind, my younger years were filled with courageous moments, crazy risks and a sense that anything was possible. As a woman who loved to strap on her courage and clutched taking risks like a teddy bear, I worried that as I aged, I would lose that “let’s do this” abandon that comes with being a young woman. Deep inside, I still had hopes and dreams to achieve. I wondered if I could still build toward those dreams – and new ones – as an older version of the young-at-heart me.
I wish I could tell you that in the last seven years that I’ve settled into the aging process. (Let me save you the math, I’m 42 now). Don’t get me wrong, I love the wisdom that I’ve acquired with age. If I could go back to the younger version of myself and tell her anything, I’d smack her around a little instead. There were too many times when I knew better, but didn’t do better. I’d also tell her not to be in such a doggone hurry and enjoy life a lot more. #buytheshoes #gotoParis #letthekidseatcookiesfordinner
In the last few years, I’ve challenged myself to keep leaping for what’s next. I’ve gone skydiving, completed a survival race, gone on eight overseas missions trips, published a book, completed three very necessary rounds of professional counseling, graduated two kids from high school and so much more. I’ve got my eyes on going to trapeze school at some point in the future. I’m going to learn how to swing through the air (and hopefully, not die.) Why? Just because.
So, the days of my life may be ticking by, but I realized that the number doesn’t determine the quality of my purpose. Only I do.
And you do, too.
Q4U: If fear or money wasn’t an issue, what would you love to accomplish or try out? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Post them in the comments below – and feel free to borrow some ideas from the other comments!
Thanks for stopping by,
by Barb Roose | Apr 13, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Friends, the pace of our lives is exhausting. Who’s exhausted?
Thanks to technology and innovation, our complex world has created more complexity for our lives. Since we can do more, we do more. My iPhone is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. It allows me to talk, text, email, shop, schedule, purchase, play, and watch every single minute of every single hour of each day – even when I shouldn’t be doing all of those things.
Then, there’s life. Life wears us down, right? Every 24 hours, we cycle through highs, lows, smiles and struggles. We can be celebrating in one minute and feeling like our life is over in the next. It’s exhausted just navigating the emotional and relational swings we must manage throughout the day. How in the world can we stack the deck in our favor so that we don’t break down under the pressure of life. In a word: REST.
When was the last time that you completely disconnected from your life and did absolutely nothing?
Folding laundry while watching television doesn’t count.
Worrying about how you are going to get your life done doesn’t count.
Neither does paying bills on your iPad in bed.
When was the last time you rested? Rest happens when we stop working at our jobs AND at home. Rest happens when we choose to disengage our minds from thinking about those tasks and life’s other pressures. Let me ask you again: When was the last time you rested?
I’m not good at resting. (My friends are laughing at me right now.)
I think some of you are bad at it, too. We don’t want to be bad at resting, but we are – for good reason, right? We are always taking care of someone or something. It doesn’t matter if you are single, married or single again, our feminine mindset drives us to constantly nurture or fix our environments. It doesn’t matter if you are motivating your sales staff, raising children, cleaning the house, listening to friends on the phone or growing our garden, most of us are ALWAYS doing something. Good things.
But, here’s a truth: At some point, we’ve got to press the “power down” button and voluntarily – even forcefully remove ourselves from the worship of Busyness. We must take time to sit our down and rest.
God Blesses Rest
I love that God blesses rest in Genesis 2:2-3:
“On the seventh day God had finished His work of creation, so He rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all His work of creation.”
Here is how God models rest for us:
1. God prioritized what He needed to do.
2. When God’s work was finished, He stopped and didn’t add anything else to it.
3. He didn’t let the pressures of future tasks get in the way of rest.
The Jewish word we use to describe the kind of rest God models for us is called a Sabbath. During Sabbath rest, we cease our labor. So, if you are employed, you’ll need to establish your Sabbath on your day off. If you work seven days a week, you need to rethink your job. Why would I make such a bold statement?
This is why: When we rest, we turn the care and custody of our lives into God’s hands for Him to protect and provide for us while we rejuvenate.
I understand that there may be certain periods of life when we work more than usual, but this should not be your constant rhythm of life. For the months that I was writing this book, I missed out on regular rest. When the book is over, reinstituting this discipline is my first task. (Even before catching up on my laundry!)
Friday is my day of rest. I love Fridays! I work about six days a week, except on Friday. Thursday nights are exciting for me because I know Friday’s up next. My toughest challenge is shutting down my brain from thinking about work. So, I read fiction books and eat grocery store sushi in bed. I take long walks and practice deep breathing. I sit and pray. Sometime, I just wander around my house in the quiet.
No matter the stress and pressure of my life, by the end of each Sabbath rest, my soul is refreshed and I feel alive again. I’m much more equipped to handle those pressures and bear up under those stresses after choosing to rest. Life happens, so we must rest in order to deal with life. I want you to be able to deal with life from a place of strength, rather than a place of just-barely-hanging-in-there. The choice is up to you.
When will YOU take the time to rest?
Practical Tips:
1. When you choose your day of rest, keep it as consistent as possible. Be vigilant until this becomes a part of your regular rhythm of life.
2. Do not schedule anything on that day! It’s not rest if you’ve got a schedule to follow. Just be.
3. What about mothers with children or women caring for elderly loved ones? God still wants you to experience rest! This means that you might need to get creative with solutions such as trading babysitting or even paying for respite care. Trust me, any expense or effort you put into arranging for your Sabbath rest will have an incredible ROI (return on investment)!
QUESTIONS FOR YOU? If you had a free day with nothing to do, how would you rest? Would it be easy or difficult for you to wind down and just “be”? How would you know that you actually rested?
by Barb Roose | Apr 8, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
One day, I took my then five-year-old daughter, Abbie, shopping with me. I needed to check out some new clothes and didn’t want to pay for a sitter. My youngest little girl has a kind and loving heart, so I can always count on her to have sweet and supportive things to say. After we arrived at the store, it took a few minutes for me to choose some clothes to try on in the dressing room. As we went entered the hallway of the dressing room area, I realized that there wasn’t a place for Abbie to sit. So, I brought her inside of my small dressing room and settled her on the little perch in the corner of the room.
Promising to be quick, I handed Abbie some crackers and turned to disrobe. Since the dressing room can be a judgment room, I mentally prepared to get half-naked and try on clothes that may or may not fit. What if it doesn’t fit? I should have worked out more. I wish that I was 10 pounds thinner! My little cherub munched on her crackers as I slipped out of my coat and turned to remove my top. Then, her munching stopped and her little voice piped up: “It’s OK, Mommy. I won’t laugh.”
So much for thinking that I had kept my insecurities to myself!
I was wrong. Somewhere along the line, my five-year old daughter picked up on my frustration over my size, shape or style, otherwise known as my “ugly struggle with beauty”.
“Why don’t I ever look good in anything?”
“My feet are SO big! Goodness, someone could use these for a boat!”
“Look at these hips! Nothing ever fits right over these hips!”
I never wanted Abbie or my other daughters to sense my discomfort with my body. Yet, I had passed my negative thinking and feelings about my size and shape onto my daughters.
In October 2013, I surveyed over 500 women about the topic of beauty and how beauty has impacted their lives. Many women reflected on how their mothers’ ugly struggle with beauty was passed along to them. Here’s one woman’s story:
My mother is a beautiful woman by anyone’s standards, but she does not see it that way. To this day, she works to support her beauty habits. She’s had breast augmentation, countless peels and laser resurfacing and practically lives at the salon. This was my model. I remember my mother telling me that I was beautiful, but I also remember her worrying about what I was eating, and how my hair looked and what other people would think about me. I scrutinize every imperfection on my face. I have long, full hair that other women compliment me on, but it’s fake. I shop a lot. I constantly size myself up against other women. It is honestly exhausting at times.
Clearly, her mother never intended for her daughter to inherit her ugly struggle with beauty, but our words and actions influence our daughters more than we realize.
Protecting our daughters from our ugly struggle…
Moms, we never want for our daughters is to experience the same sadness and frustration that we encounter in the mirror, right? If our daughters express a beauty-related struggle, we’re quick to go out an buy something to help. We make sure they have acne-free skin, pay for nose jobs or by them stylish clothes. Yet, trying to address their physical struggle doesn’t matter if our girls are also carrying around OUR beauty-related pain in their hearts and minds.
So, what do we do to influence our daughters away from our ugly struggle? The best way to keep our daughters from inheriting our ugly struggle with beauty is for us to win OUR ugly struggle with beauty!
There are three things that we need to do in order to win our ugly struggle or reduce our struggle’s impact on our daughter’s lives:
1. Understand your “beauty narrative” – What’s your beauty story? Talking about beauty is more than just talking about how we look, it’s about understand it’s impact on how we think and live. Are there nicknames or painful memories that you’ve carried around since childhood that whisper back to you each time you look in the mirror? When we don’t acknowledge the things that happened to us, we carry them around and give them the power to influence our thinking, feelings.
2. Re-Think Your Body – Your relationship with beauty begins in your mind. What you think drives how you feel and behave. If you struggle with you’re a certain body part or facial feature, then a practical tip would be re-frame how you think about that feature. How does that body part bless your life? What purpose does that body part serve in helping you love and care for the people around you? I struggle with the gap between my front teeth. Yet, my mouth affords me the opportunities to speak with women and encourage them. I know that my voice and smile would not be as effective without my two front teeth. So, those teeth are a blessing because they allow me to encourage others.
3. BE Beautiful! Beauty isn’t about our size, shape or style. Instead, we are beautiful when we recognize ourselves as creations of an Almighty God. We are not doomed because our hips may be too wide or our skin isn’t youthful or smooth. We are beautiful because God created us. Period.
When our daughters see us smiling at ourselves in the mirror, our daughters will remember and mimic that behavior. When our daughters overhear blessing our bodies, in spite of what our culture says about beauty, then our daughters will learn to bless their bodies in spite of what culture says about their beauty.
While we can’t protect our daughters from their own ugly struggle with beauty, we can protect them from inheriting ours.
QUESTION: How did your mom influence your opinions about beauty? What beliefs or attitudes have you carried from childhood into your adult years? Share your story by leaving a comment below.
Friends, thanks for stopping by today! If you think that this post could bless your friends, I’d love for you to share it!
by Barb Roose | Mar 28, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
When was the last time you were naked and felt no shame?
Take a deep breath. We’re not going to talk about being physically naked, or ‘nekkid’ as many like to say. Today, we’re going to delve into what it means to step up and live with authenticity and vulnerability – being real and inviting people to get real with us. That’s what we can refer to as “emotional nakedness.”
Ummm, Barb. Uh, I’m not comfortable talking about this…
I know that you don’t want to talk about this, but stay with me. You NEED to lean into this one. Why? Because I know that there are places in your life where you want MORE than how you are living now! You want to live with purpose. But, you can’t live purpose if you only skim the top of what it means to be real with the people around you that you love and care about.
Living authentically occurs when our actions, beliefs and character are the same, no matter if we’re overheard talking with our kids at the store or we’re hanging out in the lobby at church. Authenticity is best described by the phrase “keepin’ it real.” Like on Saturday, I had to do eight loads of laundry and clean my house. It was a wreck. #keepitSERIOUSLYreal
Vulnerability is much scarier than authenticity. When you’re authentic, you don’t have to care about what people think, you’re just putting you out there. In my opinion, vulnerability is the highest form of emotional and spiritual nakedness.
Storyteller and researcher, Dr. Brene Brown, has elevated the discussion about the power of vulnerability. Here’s how she describes vulnerability: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Vulnerability seems a little like living at a nudist colony (not that I’ve ever been to one…) You are completely exposed to those around you and they can give you feedback on what they think and see. Yet, under the right conditions, vulnerability is powerful. When we allow people that we love and trust to speak truth into our lives, we learn to see past the blind spots that are holding us back or taking us down. Vulnerability gives us the precious knowledge that we are loved as we are and most importantly, for who we are.
God loves you as you are. But, He loves you too much to leave you as you are. He’s got great plans for you!
As you read that, you may have many reasons why God shouldn’t love you for what you’ve done or how you screamed at your kid today – but He loves you. As the old saying goes: “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you less.” It’s a shame that some of us are plagued by secret whispers that we don’t deserve or shouldn’t expect God’s best for us. That’s the voice of shame.
When we feel shame, it is a self-imposed shackle that we must break free from as soon as possible. Shame clouds our ability to see what God wants to do in us and through us.
Here’s a few questions for you to consider today. You are welcome to share your answers in the comments below or find a trust Christian friend or counselor to discuss:
- Where are the places where I feel ashamed, or unworthy of love or acceptance?
- How willing am I to let people get to know the real me? Where do I start shutting people out? Do I know why?
- What would it mean for my life if I could live “naked and unashamed?”
Only one more day left in our Beautiful Devotional! Thank you for joining me this week! I’d love to stay connected with you on a regular basis, so make sure to find me on Twitter (@barbroose) or join the community over at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul.
