by Barb Roose | Aug 17, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
"God, I can't do this."
In 2006, speaker and author Gail Cooper spoke these desperate words on her knees in a field on the way to where rescuers were looking for her 21-year old son. He'd been canoeing with a friend right before college graduation when his canoe went under - and Gail got the call in the middle of the night.
One of the goals of my Better Together podcast is to talk about real life issues that live deep in the souls of women. One of those issues is grief. These days, grief is a daily part of my life in losing my father and father-in-law in the past year. But there are other forms of grief - a lost dream, losing a job, divorce or marriage crisis. Friend, it's okay to give yourself permission to grieve if you've lost something important that you loved.
Grief is a part of life, but when we're afraid to feel grief or even talk about it, grief becomes a prison. How do we learn how to embrace grief as a process that God can bless with purpose?
Gail shows us what that looks like in her life during today's episode. We'll talk about that life-changing night and what happened during the five-days that it took researches to find her son's body. Gail tells us about her grief journey, her anger at God, and a prophetic moment at a Beth Moore event that left me with chill bumps! Twelve years after her son's death, Gail is living purposefully, even in grief.
Here are a few things that Gail said that blessed my heart:
"I gave to God what I could not handle on my own."
"I felt like God was telling me, 'Gail, you're driving into something bigger than you can handle on your own.'"
"I wake up celebrating life!"
When I finished talking with Gail, I was so encouraged by her passionate faith - and I think that you will be, too.
If you or someone that you know is struggling with grief at any stage, please share this podcast with them. You can share it, send the link via email or send it via Facebook messenger.
LINKS FROM TODAY'S PODCAST:
Gail Cooper website | facebook (She Shed Moments)
COMMENT: ARE YOU GRIEVING A LOSS IN YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WISH THAT PEOPLE WOULD STOP DOING OR SAYING WHEN SOMEONE IS GRIEVING?
by Barb Roose | Aug 17, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
How many times a week do you say, “I’m so tired?”
Here are some signs that you’re might be exhausted. If you say “yes” to one or more of these, keep reading!
- Do you get sick often – like sinus infections or headaches?
- Is your mind so cluttered that you can’t concentrate?
- Do you feel like you’re floating around aimlessly or that your life doesn’t have true purpose or calling?
- Do you feel too drained to be around people or do you often feel people are judging you?
Believe it or not, but these are the warning signs of rest deprivation. Too often, we think about rest as just getting a good night’s sleep or watching hours of tv.
Rest is much more than that! But, if we don’t figure out how to really rest, then we’re going to end up living really messed up lives.
Let me introduce you to someone who can give you the help and hope that you need today!
My Better Together guest is Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, an author, speaker, and board-certified internal medicine physician. She has an active medical practice in Alabama (near the Birmingham area).
Dr. Dalton-Smith is a national and international media resource on the mind, body, spirit connection and a top 100 medical expert in Good Housekeeping Doctors’ Secrets. She has been featured in many media outlets including Women’s Day, Redbook, First For Women, MSNBC, and Prevention. She is the author of Set Free to Live Free and Come Empty (winner 2016 Golden Scroll Nonfiction Book of the Year and 2016 Illumination Award Gold medalist).
Her newest release is Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, including ground-breaking insight on the seven types of rest needed to optimize your productivity, increase your overall happiness and live your best life.
Today, Dr. Dalton Smith answers these pressing questions about rest:
- How can we get a better night’s sleep?
- How do we know when we’re rested?
- What are some warning signs that we need to know?
- Why is there more than one type of rest?
- Why do women struggle with rest?
LINKS FROM TODAY’S EPISODE
Saundra Dalton-Smith: website | facebook page
Rest Test Quiz: http://ichoosemybestlife.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/
COMMENT: ON A SCALE OF 1 (A LITTLE) – 10 (EXTREMELY), HOW TIRED ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT YOU NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY IN ORDER TO EMBRACE MORE REST IN YOUR LIFE?
by Barb Roose | Aug 16, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
“Don’t burn bridges. Be graceful in all of your converations, especially when people say or do hurtful things.”
-Lisa Toney, speaker, author & leader
On this week’s Better Together podcast, we’re talking about one of my favorite ways for us to get better together. On today’s episode, we’re talking leadership! Not only that, but our leadership inspiration is Lisa Toney, an executive and teaching pastor from Purpose Church in California. She’s a seasoned leader who loves investing in both men and women, equipping them to lead at the highest levels of God’s call in their lives.
Lisa is the author of Thrive: Live Like You Matter and her new book, The Scripture Challenge releases this fall.
Not only that, but Lisa is a new voice in the next generation of Women of Faith. Any Women of Faith fans out there? Me! For over 20 years, WOF events around the country mobilized hundreds of thousands of women and now, a generation of voices, including Lisa’s are on deck to make a global impact. Lisa tells us all about WOF’s vision to reach the world and how YOU can be a part of it.
In my humble opinion, today’s conversation is like a mini-leadership retreat that packs a big punch! You should listen to today’s podcast:
- If you’ve been struggling with confidence;
- If you’re trying to figure out how to be a leader, wife, mom, and friend;
- If you’re just tired and wanting to give up.
Friends, if any of those fit, then I believe that today’s podcast is exactly where you should be right now!
Let me share a few bits of Lisa’s inspiring wisdom:
“This competition thing that we have between women doesn’t get us very far. When I get together with other women and we exchange ideas, all of our lives get so much better!”
“When I think about work life balance, I just laugh. Is it ever balanced? I don’t know. I love living every day to the full.”
“I want people to see Jesus in me because that’s evidence that I’m living the call that God has placed on my life.”
SHARE YOUR COMMENT: Have you taken Myers-Briggs (MBTI), Strengths Finders, Enneagram, or other personality tests? Tell us about your results below.
LINKS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
Lisa Toney website | Facebook | book
Women of Faith Facebook Page (To find Scripture Challenge and Aloud)
Strengths Finders
by Barb Roose | Jul 31, 2018 | Women's Topics
It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m sitting at my departure gate at the Charlotte Airport, still hyped up by two glorious days at the She Speaks Conference hosted by Proverbs 31. Last summer I received an invitation to be a workshop presenter at this year’s conference. I loved attending as a participant in 2013 and 2014. Over the past twelve months, I prayed that God would use me to bless those ladies. On top of that She Speaks is a premier event, both highly respected and valued. I knew that teaching at the event would make the highlight reel of my career so far.
Little did I know that the 25 days before I left for the conference would be as P31 President Lysa TerKeurst characterized during her opening keynote message, “licking the floor of hell.”
Teaching at She Speaks Conference 2018 in the workshop “Keeping your J-O-B while launching your ministry.”
Figuring out how to start this post is tough, especially since the situation has been unfolding for many years and so much has happened just recently. I can’t really even point to a beginning, but by 2008 I realized that there might be an on-going problem. Back then, it was discussed. After, I figured that it was fixed. Then, a crisis in 2011, followed by a disaster in 2015. Now, this is just a season of on-going pain and loss.
It’s hard to figure out how to talk about something that you’re really not free to talk about…
If you come from a family that keeps white elephants as pets, you know what I mean. Over the past few years, I’ve tried to find ways to allude to what’s going on even though I couldn’t share the details. If you’ve read my Winning the Worry Battle book, there’s a low-key reference on page 14:
One of the scariest cliffhangers in my life has had me dangling by my fingertips on the edge for a few years. I wish I knew how or when it might end, but I don’t.
There’s another reference in the chapter titled, “Secret Weapon” on page 171:
Over the years, I’ve tried fasting periodically until a season of my life when my worry skyrocketed into the stratosphere. That new worry battle was either going to destroy me or create an opportunity for a new perspective on discipleship where I allowed God to reshape and remold me in a radical new way.”
Until recently, that was all that I could do. This might not be a big deal to you, but it has been painful for me. Integrity is at the top of my value list, along with authenticity and vulnerability. While our family and friends are fully aware of what’s been going on, it hasn’t been appropriate until now to talk about it in a public setting. In the past year, the gap between my ministry life and my actual life widened far past my comfort zone. I’ve felt the pain of that gap every single day. About 10 days ago I sensed a release from God to begin closing that gap.
But this means that I have to tell you the deepest, most painful place in my heart and life. It’s a raw, bleeding space with broken edges and dripping tears that I want to keep safe from criticism, gossip and well, nosy people. Telling my story opens up the possibility of more pain. But, as I learned last night when I spoke for the first time to a group of women at a Bible study at my church, maybe something good can happen. Like women who hugged my neck last night and whispered a low, “Thank you for sharing. This same situation happened to me.”
Here are words that I prayed for so long that I’d never have to say…
On July 1, I had to move myself and my two younger daughters out of our home and away from my husband of 26 years. I am the wife of a good man who struggles with a long-term alcohol addiction.
Family is a fabric. When someone we love begins to unravel, eventually we all fall apart. With a broken heart, I have to tell you that my family has fallen apart.
For the past 10 years, I’ve cried, plead, prayed, fasted, and begged God to rescue our family from a tool that Satan has been using to destroy someone that we deeply and dearly love.
If you grew up in a similar situation or lived in the pain of a marriage affected by this struggle, you know that every road is unique, but without recovery the end is the same – death. Without recovery, the destination of addiction spirals toward death, whether physical, relational, financial, or social, or a combination. We experienced some of this in our family, which led to the painful decision to separate.
While our family situation is complex, let me pause to emphasize three important things:
- My marriage and family are broken due to alcohol abuse, but there has never been a threat or instance of any physical or emotional abuse.
- I initiated the July separation as a last resort and in hope of future healing and restoration of our marriage and family.
- I am so grateful for recovery tools like Al-Anon as well as support from counseling, Bible study groups as well as our family and friends. I’ve used these tools and praise God for them! If you can relate to my story, I want to encourage you to jump into one of these recovery tools.
Clearly, there’s more talk about. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to talk about a few tough questions that I’ve wrestled through over the years. I’ll talk more about the mistakes that I’ve made, what God has taught me and most of all, examples of God’s favor and faithfulness even in the midst of our messy situation.
Words of life…
For the past year, there is a verse that has been central to my life and my soul survival. I think that now that you know a little more about my story, perhaps the following words that God spoke to a man named Joshua as he stood looking across the Jordan might look a little different to you. These words have bought great hope to my heart over the past year:
“This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9 NLT
As I wrote the Joshua Bible study, I clung to these words last summer. God has taught me so much over the past 10 years about walking by faith in uncertainty. Perhaps this is why this Joshua study is so precious to me.
I understand what it’s like to stand on the edge of unknown challenges and know that I’m going to have to fight for my life. I know what it’s like to face giant problems and solid walls that I can’t take down on my own. But, most importantly, over these many years, I’ve experienced the strength, courage and peace that comes when I remember that God is with me and for me in every circumstance, real or imagined. I learned that I can cry and carry a sword at the same time. I can wipe tears and still fight like a warrior.
Without a doubt, I know is that God taking care of each person in my family, even though He has allowed the heartache that we’re all experiencing.
God has given me the strength and courage to keep going in a year that I’ve lost my dad, my father-in-law, my husband (for now), and my home (for now). God’s strength and courage is the source of fuel for my soul. It has to be. There’s not a chance that I could have survived this year without God holding me tight. Not a chance. Too much has happened. Much more than I could handle on my own.
I might be brokenhearted, but I’m not beaten down.
Even though I’m hurting, I am filled with hope.
I believe in a God that can make all things new, even when all seems lost.
I know that God is faithful and able – whether He heals my marriage or He heals me.
I trust in God to deliver on His promises.
Thanks,
P.S. If you live in my community or go to my church, please be cool around my kids. They’ve been through a lot. They didn’t ask for a mom who works in public ministry and they are part of the reason why I’ve kept things private because it’s been tough. Please understand that they won’t feel comfortable talking about this at church or the grocery story – even if you have the best intentions. A simple smile or a quick “Praying for your family” will be welcomed and appreciated or you can email encouragement to barb@barbroose.com.
Your prayers for my family and other families like mine are welcome. If you are walking a similar road, I’d love to pray for you. In fact, if there is anything in your life that is stressing you out during the day or keeping you up at night, I’d love to pray for you. Click here to share your prayer request. When I pray for others, it helps me to stay others-centered and not get focused on myself.
SaveSave
SaveSave
SaveSave
SaveSave
SaveSave
SaveSave
SaveSave
by Barb Roose | Jan 1, 2018 | Women's Topics
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! -Isaiah 30:18
Every new year, we say out with the old in with the new. But, what do you do when the old problems or struggles follow you into New Year?
I’m spending New Year’s in El Paso Texas with my oldest daughter. If you’ve been following me on social media, my daughter and I made two 1600 #roadtrips with her two puppies in the backseat before and after Christmas. We survived.
[ngg_images source=”galleries” container_ids=”7″ display_type=”photocrati-nextgen_basic_thumbnails” override_thumbnail_settings=”1″ thumbnail_width=”300″ thumbnail_height=”200″ thumbnail_crop=”0″ images_per_page=”12″ number_of_columns=”2″ ajax_pagination=”0″ show_all_in_lightbox=”0″ use_imagebrowser_effect=”0″ show_slideshow_link=”1″ slideshow_link_text=”[Show slideshow]” order_by=”sortorder” order_direction=”ASC” returns=”included” maximum_entity_count=”500″]
Yesterday, my daughter had a 24-hour shift at work, so I’ve been on puppy duty. As I walked the dogs toward a neighborhood park, I talked to God about the last 365 days of my life. I gave thanks for so many things: a loving family, supportive friends, good health, financial provision and many wonderful ministry opportunities. And I also plead with God about getting rid of an old unresolved heartache that I didn’t want to follow me into the new year. God, I’ve dealt with this for so long. Do I have to deal with this next year? Any chance you can make this go away by midnight?
What old situation has followed you into a new year?
While this isn’t the place for me to go into details, perhaps you can relate to how I describe the pain. It feels like a 1000-pound weight sits on your heart and cracks it all little each day. On bad days, I feel my heartbeat thumping in my chest and it hurts. This is the pain of being human and living in a fallen world. At this stage in my life, I can only bear to share this pain with the most trustworthy of friends and gratefully, an understanding Christian counselor.
God, my heart hurts…
This morning, God showed me that He heard my prayer on yesterday’s walk. One of the verses in my Bible study today was Isaiah 30:18: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”
God used this verse today to remind me of His heart toward me. The first day of this new year is a part of God’s gracefulness to me and you. Every time we say goodbye to a loved one, we are reminded of the preciousness of life. You’ve made it into the new year! No matter how much you don’t like what’s carried over from the old year, you’ve made it into the new one – and not everyone can say that!
Every day from God is a gift that we don’t deserve. Additionally, God longs to pour His graciousness into every deep crack in our heart and fill in those broken fissures with Himself. That’s actually the visual that I use when I’m praying through difficult days: God, my heart is broken right now. Please come and fill in those broken places with Yourself.” Just like the Kintsugi artists use liquid gold to fuse together broken pottery, God’s grace is that He infuses Himself into our heartache.
The last part of that verse say “Blessed are all who wait for him.” What does it mean to wait for God? Before my daughter takes her puppies outside, she makes them sit before snapping on their leashes. Then she says the word, “wait.” Both puppies must to sit until she gives them the command to move forward. While they are waiting, the dogs’ eyes are fixed on her face. Now, when I told them that it was time to sit, the results were pretty spotty. Those puppies love my daughter. I’m just the random lady who took them on a few walks.
The word wait in Isaiah 30:18 means to long for. When the puppies hear the word “wait,” they fix their focus on my daughter and sit until she tells them to move. For us, waiting is focus on an unknown period of time, but spiritually, our waiting should be a fixating on a Person.
Why is this important? When we’re waiting on something that isn’t happening, our hearts get weighed down and discouraged (Proverbs 13:12). But, when we’re fixated on God, we actually get stronger and can accomplish more (Isaiah 40:31)
Are you currently weighted down by the old situation that has followed you into the new year OR are you waiting on God and enjoying the blessing of His grace and compassion?
Might I offer two next steps if you’re dealing with an old situation in this new year?
First, start with talking to God and surrender the heavy weight of your old situation over to Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to give all of our worries and cares to God because He cares about us. One of my favorite movie lines is “Get off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood.”
“God, it’s a new year, but I don’t want to carry the pain around of this situation anymore. If it isn’t your timing to remove this hardship from my life, then God, I’m asking you to renew my heart and filling in the broken places with yourself.”
Second, increase your longing for God to keeping your eyes focused on him. Corrie ten Boom once said, “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest.”
One suggestion is to sign-up for resources like ReFocus App, My First 5, YouVersion or livingitout.tv that will deliver a devotional or verse of the day directly to you. But, don’t just sign up and think something will change. Set aside 15 minutes per day to read and reflect. The more you fix your heart and mind on God, the more you’ll focus on Him – and the more blessed you will be.
That’s what happened to me today. As I spent time in my Bible study and writing this post, God has truly blessed me today. Even as my old situation follows me into a new year, I’m going to be like my daughter’s puppies and keep my eyes focused on God as I wait on Him.
SHARE WITH US: Is there an old situation that you are dealing with in the new year? How has reading this post and Isaiah 30:18 encouraged you? Leave your comments below.
