by Barb Roose | Mar 7, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
“They took me into the counseling room. The doctor gently told me that they tried everything that they could, but they were not able to revive my husband. So, I went home to do the hardest thing that I ever had to do.”
Lisa Appelo’s life changed forever in just one night.
On this new episode of Better Together podcast, I have a heartbreaking, yet hope–filled conversation with writer and speaker, Lisa Appelo. She’s a Florida native and a homeschooling mom to seven kids, now aged 27 to 10.
During our interview, Lisa tells us about the night in summer 2011 when she woke up in the middle of the night and realized that her 47-year old husband Dan was having a heart attack. After the paramedics took her husband to the hospital, Lisa went upstairs and noticed her kids huddled together with their arms around each other.
Not only did Lisa face the devastating loss of her high-school sweetheart husband, but the reality of being alone and a single mom to seven kids from college-aged down to just four years old.
In the difficult months that followed, Lisa remembers the powerful presence of friends and prayer holding her family up.
“I do remember thinking and knowing that we were being carried by prayer.”
Yet, as you listen to our interview, you’ll hear the incredible hope that Lisa share about the blessings and abundance of God. She talks about the pain of walking with her kids through the loss of their dad and the practical ways that she helped her kids open up and talk about their fears and loss.
During this episode, Lisa encourages us to remember:
- Grief comes in many forms and we don’t get over it, but we do learn to “live where we are”;
- We learn to live with the love, but without the person;
- God has as much abundance planned for us AFTER our loss as before our loss.
SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW: Is there a place in your life affected by grief? Have you lost a loved one, a dream, or a relationship? How are you dealing with your grief and what resources do you find most helpful in the grieving process?
CONNECT WITH LISA:
Lisa’ website | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
100 Days with Christ Bible Study Journal and Reading Plan
FIND OUT MORE ABOUT FINDING JOY LADIES NIGHT OUT EVENT! Click here for more details!
by Barb Roose | Jan 1, 2018 | Women's Topics
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! -Isaiah 30:18
Every new year, we say out with the old in with the new. But, what do you do when the old problems or struggles follow you into New Year?
I’m spending New Year’s in El Paso Texas with my oldest daughter. If you’ve been following me on social media, my daughter and I made two 1600 #roadtrips with her two puppies in the backseat before and after Christmas. We survived.
[ngg_images source=”galleries” container_ids=”7″ display_type=”photocrati-nextgen_basic_thumbnails” override_thumbnail_settings=”1″ thumbnail_width=”300″ thumbnail_height=”200″ thumbnail_crop=”0″ images_per_page=”12″ number_of_columns=”2″ ajax_pagination=”0″ show_all_in_lightbox=”0″ use_imagebrowser_effect=”0″ show_slideshow_link=”1″ slideshow_link_text=”[Show slideshow]” order_by=”sortorder” order_direction=”ASC” returns=”included” maximum_entity_count=”500″]
Yesterday, my daughter had a 24-hour shift at work, so I’ve been on puppy duty. As I walked the dogs toward a neighborhood park, I talked to God about the last 365 days of my life. I gave thanks for so many things: a loving family, supportive friends, good health, financial provision and many wonderful ministry opportunities. And I also plead with God about getting rid of an old unresolved heartache that I didn’t want to follow me into the new year. God, I’ve dealt with this for so long. Do I have to deal with this next year? Any chance you can make this go away by midnight?
What old situation has followed you into a new year?
While this isn’t the place for me to go into details, perhaps you can relate to how I describe the pain. It feels like a 1000-pound weight sits on your heart and cracks it all little each day. On bad days, I feel my heartbeat thumping in my chest and it hurts. This is the pain of being human and living in a fallen world. At this stage in my life, I can only bear to share this pain with the most trustworthy of friends and gratefully, an understanding Christian counselor.
God, my heart hurts…
This morning, God showed me that He heard my prayer on yesterday’s walk. One of the verses in my Bible study today was Isaiah 30:18: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”
God used this verse today to remind me of His heart toward me. The first day of this new year is a part of God’s gracefulness to me and you. Every time we say goodbye to a loved one, we are reminded of the preciousness of life. You’ve made it into the new year! No matter how much you don’t like what’s carried over from the old year, you’ve made it into the new one – and not everyone can say that!
Every day from God is a gift that we don’t deserve. Additionally, God longs to pour His graciousness into every deep crack in our heart and fill in those broken fissures with Himself. That’s actually the visual that I use when I’m praying through difficult days: God, my heart is broken right now. Please come and fill in those broken places with Yourself.” Just like the Kintsugi artists use liquid gold to fuse together broken pottery, God’s grace is that He infuses Himself into our heartache.
The last part of that verse say “Blessed are all who wait for him.” What does it mean to wait for God? Before my daughter takes her puppies outside, she makes them sit before snapping on their leashes. Then she says the word, “wait.” Both puppies must to sit until she gives them the command to move forward. While they are waiting, the dogs’ eyes are fixed on her face. Now, when I told them that it was time to sit, the results were pretty spotty. Those puppies love my daughter. I’m just the random lady who took them on a few walks.
The word wait in Isaiah 30:18 means to long for. When the puppies hear the word “wait,” they fix their focus on my daughter and sit until she tells them to move. For us, waiting is focus on an unknown period of time, but spiritually, our waiting should be a fixating on a Person.
Why is this important? When we’re waiting on something that isn’t happening, our hearts get weighed down and discouraged (Proverbs 13:12). But, when we’re fixated on God, we actually get stronger and can accomplish more (Isaiah 40:31)
Are you currently weighted down by the old situation that has followed you into the new year OR are you waiting on God and enjoying the blessing of His grace and compassion?
Might I offer two next steps if you’re dealing with an old situation in this new year?
First, start with talking to God and surrender the heavy weight of your old situation over to Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to give all of our worries and cares to God because He cares about us. One of my favorite movie lines is “Get off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood.”
“God, it’s a new year, but I don’t want to carry the pain around of this situation anymore. If it isn’t your timing to remove this hardship from my life, then God, I’m asking you to renew my heart and filling in the broken places with yourself.”
Second, increase your longing for God to keeping your eyes focused on him. Corrie ten Boom once said, “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest.”
One suggestion is to sign-up for resources like ReFocus App, My First 5, YouVersion or livingitout.tv that will deliver a devotional or verse of the day directly to you. But, don’t just sign up and think something will change. Set aside 15 minutes per day to read and reflect. The more you fix your heart and mind on God, the more you’ll focus on Him – and the more blessed you will be.
That’s what happened to me today. As I spent time in my Bible study and writing this post, God has truly blessed me today. Even as my old situation follows me into a new year, I’m going to be like my daughter’s puppies and keep my eyes focused on God as I wait on Him.
SHARE WITH US: Is there an old situation that you are dealing with in the new year? How has reading this post and Isaiah 30:18 encouraged you? Leave your comments below.
by Barb Roose | Nov 26, 2017 | Christian Living/Discipleship
At midnight on the day after Thanksgiving, my oldest daughter sailed down the stairs with her iPod on full blast with Christmas music. “It’s finally time!” she proclaimed.
In my house, all Christmas music is banned until the day after Thanksgiving. I don’t have anything against Christmas music, but I can only hear Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” so many times before I feel a little Grinchy inside.
Now it’s Christmas season.
This year, I’m grappling with a few tensions that most of you understand: First, how do I celebrate the holiday without making myself crazy?
Next, I’m dealing with the recent loss of my father, so I’m still adjusting to that new normal in my life. How do I balance the time that I need to grieve with desire to spend time celebrating one of the wonderful times of the year with friends and family?
For the past few years, I’ve worked on actually planning how I want to experience the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years’. This planning isn’t about what I want to do, but who do I want to be during this amped up, non-stop season.
Here are a few goals that I try to hold onto each Christmas season. Perhaps, one or two of these might inspire you:
1. Let Christmas begin IN you.
People talk about letting Christmas begin WITH them, like taking the first step. But, what if you and I decided that our Christmas was already complete because of Christ? If our Christmas was already complete, then we can reject the pressure of to-lists, unrealistic expectations, and the materialistic allure of more, more, more. Letting Christmas begin IN me is the attitude that Jesus came to fill in my deepest longings and each day I will celebrate that over everything else.
2. Be JoyFULL.
The perfect Christmas family photo will look great on Facebook, but it won’t fill your heart. Planning the perfect Christmas dinner might make you happy in the moment, but what about after the meal is over?
Gratitude will fill the empty place in your heart, even if the kids can’t make it home this year or there’s less on the tree. Gratitude keeps you from chasing the crazy of Christmas.
Start filling up with joy by listing 25 blessings each day, like enjoying a hot cup of coffee or a well-timed hug from a friend. Making a list of 25 causes you to dig deep and really pay attention to what God is doing all around you that you’ve likely missed.
3. Be PeaceFULL
Be filled with calm that comes from knowing that you are only in control of one thing this Christmas season: you.
We get all crazy during the holidays because we think everything needs to be done. Everything doesn’t need to be done and we don’t need to do it.
If you want to do something, then do it. If you have to do something, that’s another thing. But, we don’t need to be Christmas martyrs. If someone at school doesn’t sign up to bring cookies and you don’t like to bake them, don’t sign up. The kids won’t die without the cookies. Same for the office or family gathering.
For all you self-proclaimed martyrs out there, here’s one of my favorite movie lines every from Dolly Parton’s character in the movie Straight Talk: “Get off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood.”
4. Be HopeFULL
Even as our world feels crazy and out-of-control, the people in Jesus’ time felt the same about Roman rule. Yet, hope was born in manager and most of the world never knew it. The same applies today. We have hope and the world doesn’t yet know the same hope that we have. When you live with hope, those around you take notice. One of the greatest gifts that you can give this Christmas season is to share Jesus’ hope with those around you.
I’d love to hear from you! Post a comment below and share: Are you dealing with difficult circumstances this year? Which one of the four suggestions above is most helpful for you to focus on this year?
Pssst…looking for a gift idea for your daughter, niece, granddaughter or friend. Click here for a special gift offer!
by Barb Roose | Jun 26, 2017 | Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
Fifteen years ago, I lived on empty. Stressful job. Small kids. My issues. Marriage.
If I was a car, my gas gauge warning light was ALWAYS on.
Don’t you hate it when that warning light is on? My gas gauge warning light always comes on when I’m in the middle of doing other things – buy groceries, running errands, picking up kids. That warning light pressures me because fuel is important, but so is everything else in our lives.
How often did I keep around pushing the limits of a near-empty gas tank in order to keep continue trying to accomplish other things?
I used to live the same way.
My “warning-light-life” (say that three times fast) had become a painful and pitiful way of life.
When I ran out of energy at the end of each day, everyone in my household knew about it. Short temper. Snippy Words. Poor listening. Fitful sleep filled with nightmares about unfinished to-do lists and often dreams of running away from it all.
Yes, I was a Christian and I loved my family. I knew that I was blessed. But I for a long time, I was an-empty Christian. Instead of being filled with the Fruit of the Spirit, the only thing that I was full of was exhaustion.
I’m pretty sure that someone out there can relate to what I’m saying…
If your well-being or energy could be measured like a gas gauge, how much gas do you have today?
If you’ve got a full tank, you’re giving thanks right now. You know that it’s not easy keeping a full tank, but bless you to being out there as a beacon of hope that other women can see.
But, if you’re riding your warning light or if you’re out of gas, you may feel a combination of guilt and desperation right now. You feel guilty because you don’t have any more to give, but everyone seems to need you. You feel desperate because you don’t want to live this way anymore BUT you also aren’t sure if you can change (and you aren’t even sure what change is.)
Sweet sister, I know your kind of tired. I know your tears.
I may not know your circumstances, but I know that you don’t want to let the people down in your life. I know that you believe that if you fill in all of the gaps, then that’s how you show you love them.
I know.
I thought that I was supposed to be the gap-filler, too. If there was a gap between someone’s need and their ability, I thought that loving them meant that I should fill in that gap with my energy, my money or time. After all, if I loved them, then I should be there for them no matter when they called or no matter what I was doing, right?
Here’s something that I want to share with you, but not all of you will agree with me. But, keep reading anyways:
Love may mean sacrifice, but love isn’t suicidal.
Love IS sacrificial.
But we’ve got to know the difference between loving sacrifice and killing ourselves when caring for people.
Jesus didn’t run after people wearing himself out trying to fix their problems. We never read about the Savior of the world worn out after serving people. Jesus let people be responsible for themselves. When we show love through sacrifice, our effort is to bring hope to others, but it also should bless us, too. Our sacrifice should satisfy us, not suck us dry.
What do I mean when I say that love is suicidal? Talking about suicide is a tender conversation. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, my heart breaks for you. It’s devastating when a loved one reaches a place where he or she comes to believe that there was no hope left.
Have you worn out, ruined or even killed your health, career, emotional well-being or financial security to try to rescue someone who refuses to be responsible for themselves?
You’re trying to help people, but is it wise to ruin your health, finances or well-being to try to save someone else’s? Only Jesus saves. We can’t. But, without meaning to, you may be sending the message that if you don’t step in and fix their lives, then they have no hope.
When there are gaps in someone’s lives, those are the spaces for God to fill in, not you.
If we’re always filling the spaces for people when they have a track record of not paying their bills, can’t maintain a job, often need bail money or always running short on the rent, then we’re filling the space that just might be keeping them from seeking God. Stop filling the potholes dug up by the irresponsible decisions of others. Don’t kill yourself trying to save someone from their bad choices and decisions. Only Jesus can save them.
Here’s the spiritual implication of it all: Are you praying that someone will come to know Jesus? Keep praying, but make sure that you aren’t filling the spaces in your life that keep them from running into Jesus open arms.
Best advice that I ever received from a friend and therapist, Tim Butler: “We have to let people discover their need for God.”
Most of us came to Jesus because we didn’t have anything left in the tank. That’s why we ran to Jesus. Let’s give our adult children, wayward siblings and parents or friends – give them ALL a chance to run to Jesus, too.
Now some of you are wondering if you stop fixing someone else’s life, then what do you do with yourself? How do you fill your tank back up again? Here are some questions that you need to answer for yourself:
What do you need to thrive spiritually?
What do you need to thrive financially?
What do you need to thrive socially?
What do you need to thrive emotionally?
What do you need to thrive in your relationships?
Thriving means that you are maturing and growing. It’s knowing how to fill your tank and live without draining your tank.
Just because you are thriving doesn’t mean that you don’t love the other people in your life. In fact, when you take care of yourself, you model the right kind of behavior you want for them one day.
Here are three ways that you can begin to focus on how to stop filling the gaps for others and begin filling your tank instead:
- Memorize 1 Peter 5:7: “Give all of your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.” Make sure the first thing you do each day is tell God about all of the situations in your life. Stop carrying those burdens around. When people try to give you their burdens, look them in the eyes and say, “Hang in there! The answers will come. I will pray for you.” Then pray for them, but clamp your mouth shut before you say the phrases, “I can…” or “Would you like me…” or “Let me…”
- Say this: “No is not a bad word.” If you struggle with saying “yes” all of the time, make it a goal to say three “No’s” this week. Are there things that you know that you shouldn’t be doing to fill the gaps in someone else’s life? It’s time to let them do their own #adulting. But be kind: As they say: “Say what you mean and mean what you say, but don’t say it meanly.”
- Check out my list of 101-ways to take care of yourself. Pick one thing to do for yourself each day for the next seven days. Self-care is not selfish. CLICK HERE to access the list.
LEAVE A COMMENT! Is your tank on full, half-tank or are you running on empty? How has God spoken to you through what you’ve read today?
[fbcommentssync]
by Barb Roose | Apr 20, 2017 | Better Together Podcast
Oh my, goodness!
Last week, I shared my story about a year-long battle with depression as well as a powerful podcast interview with my friend, Melissa Maimone.
Boy, did I hear from you! I’ve gotten more notes and messages about this podcast than any other. One woman shared that God used our discussion to confirm that she needed to talk to her doctor about depression. Praise God!
Depression is a medical condition that can make us feel alone, fearful and hopeless. At its worst, depression can make us feel that we’re too broken or damaged to be loved. Even by God.
God loves you just the way that you are. There is nothing that you can do to change His opinion about you.
Christians are uncomfortable with depression. By refusing the recognize depression as a medical issue, Christians often downplay, even dismisses its devastating impact on families, our careers and our health. Too often, Christians feel ashamed about being depressed or they’re shamed by others who tell them to pray harder or think more positively.
In this week’s Better Together episode, Melissa and I tackled depression, God and faith. For years, Melissa felt like she’d disappointed God, which totally wasn’t true! She speaks to us in a powerful way about a compassionate God who loves us as we are and gives us the strength that we need. Melissa discovered that depression doesn’t mean that she’s sentenced to a life of unhappiness. Friends, Melissa is one of the most radiant people that I know!
If you’ve been dealing with depression or you secretly wonder if you are depressed, I hope that you’ll listen to this week’s podcast. Also, check out the resource links provided below. You can take a quick screening quiz to find out if you should talk to your doctor about depression. I’m also sharing some other resources that will equip and encourage you.
Did you enjoy this episode? Tell other women about it! Click here to rate this episode or the Better Together podcast on iTunes. Your review makes it easier for other women to discover the Better Together podcast – thanks!
RESOURCES FOR YOU!
PODCAST: Part 1 – God, Why am I Still Depressed – Melissa Maimone
ARTICLE: “God is not Silent When We Suffer” – Edward T. Welch, Family Life Today
ARTICLE: “5 Things Christians Should Know About Depression and Anxiety” – by Brandon Peach, Relevant Magazine
ARTICLE: “7 Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Christian” – C. Michael Patton, Credo House
ARTICLE: “To the Depressed Christian” – by Mary Leigh Keith, Cru
ARTICLE: “Depression: What it is and How to Help” – by Dr. Tim Clinton, American Association of Christian Counselors
BOOK – Gathering Dandelions: Meditations and Musings on Faith, Fracture, and Beauty Mistaken for a Weed by Melissa Maimone
VIDEO: Mental Health and the Church – Interview with Rick Warren
About Melissa Maimone…
Melissa Maimone is a vibrant, inspirational Christian speaker and author of “Gathering Dandelions: Meditations and Musings on Faith, Fracture, and Beauty Mistaken for a Weed.”
Affected by depression and anxiety from a young age, Melissa inspires women to discover the beautiful strength and grace available to them?even in the darkest of places. With her unique blend of theology, humor, insight, and storytelling, Melissa shares with powerful vulnerability that a hopeful, joyous life is possible no matter what your circumstance.
She lives in Southern California with her husband Danny their two children, Elizabeth and Cole.
Check out this episode!
