by Barb Roose | Oct 27, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I woke up this morning and realized that I have only 10 DAYS until my video debut in Nashville. A few months ago, I announced my new project, a six-week Bible study titled, “Beautiful Already.” This new project would include a companion DVD featuring me. Okay, so that previous sentence = mind blown. Honestly, life has kept me so busy this year that the reality of filming hasn’t sunk in until, well, basically this morning.
As I was standing in the bathroom, about two minutes ago, I might have started to freak out. Not much. Just a smidge. A little.
You’re no Beth Moore.
You’ll be fine. Pretend you’re Priscilla Shirer…
Priscilla Shirer is amazing! But, you can’t copy her, you’ve got to be you!
Is being me good enough?
Just a little freak out, right?
When I start freaking out about stuff, I like to capture my thoughts. As an added bonus, I’ve snookered you into reading some of those wacky, nerve-wrecked thoughts. I’m writing a bunch in order to capture my life over next 10 days. If anything, It’s a good idea to have a chronology of events in case I have an epic meltdown and someone needs to reconstruct the timeline…or accident scene.
Here’s two things that you should know about where my brain is that today…
Exhibit A: my flat iron
I was not kidding when I told you that I wrote this post in the bathroom this morning while doing my hair. I dictated while Siri typed…but I had to fix her typos. Blame her if I missed one. And yes, I’m kinda sideways in the picture. #thestrugglecontinues
I’m not a sophisticated thinker in the morning, but as I’m curling my hair this morning, I’ve had an epiphany: Filming a DVD is kind of big deal. No brag. Just a reality check.
Seriously, I’m not bragging. I just haven’t absorbed my soon-to-be reality. I’ve thought about all of the prep work. I’ve thought about what I will wear. I’ve poured hours into research and content. But, I haven’t thought about the road that I’ve traveled to this experience or celebrated that this opportunity has come my way.
Yes, these thoughts should have occurred to me earlier. However, it’s been a year filled with lots of changes, transitions, celebrations and tears, so much thinking about so many things. The DVD has been in the background of my life, looming, but not acknowledged nearly enough.
So, as I curl my hair this morning, I’m getting little excited (which is dangerous when one is holding a hot styling tool). I’M FILMING A DVD, Y’ALL! And since it’s not a workout DVD, I can still eat. However, I’m thinking about that big ‘ole camera and hoping that it makes me look 10 pounds thinner, rather then heavier.
I’m so excited about the opportunity to share with women about how much God loves them, about how we can support each other better, and important messages that we need to know about loving ourselves. I can’t wait to see what God does when this study is released next March!
While I’m doing my hair, I’m also experiencing a twinge of sadness. Now that I’m in the heavy preparation phase, it doesn’t leave a lot of time for celebrating this life-event. It’s go-time and I’m a go-girl – which is usually my problem. Go-girls don’t celebrate life well. #workingonthat
(Goodness, the things I think about when I’m holding a flat iron! So, take a moment to tuck this tidbit away: If you ever want Barb to do deep-thinking, put a styling tool in her hand.)
Exhibit B: #thatshoetho’
These shoes are amazing if you are standing or sitting. Not so much fun if you must walk for hours on end or hitchhike across the country.
These are my favorite pairs of shoes. I love them. Not as much as I love God, my husband or kids, but I totally love these shoes. They’re amazing, right! When I am 90 years old, God willing, I’ll be wearing these shoes! Even if I’m sitting in a wheelchair and these shoes have to be duct taped to my old, arthritic feet, I will keep wearing them.
Believe it or not, these shoes cost about $6.00. I know, right?!!! Four years ago, my dear friend, Lisa gave me a $50 gift card for my birthday. The shoes were $49.99 + tax and that wonderful gift card made those shoes truly a gift! After months of searching, I found these pretties the day before I left town for a speaking engagement with the fabulous Nicole Johnson. I was a special guest speaker for her “Seasons Weekend” experience and I wanted to have a crazy, amazing pair of shoes to wear. So, in true Barb-fashion, I discovered these beauties sitting on the rack just whispering my name. How do I know that they were whispering my name? I wear a size 11. There’s only a few big-feet names those shoes could call and I choose to believe that they called for me.
These shoes have been a part of some of the best moments of my life in the last four years. So, they will be one of the most important items in my suitcase. These shoes are an enduring symbol of how God has dropped unexpected joy, pizzazz and opportunity into my life, even as the circumstances around me didn’t always make sense. I’m looking forward to the moment before the cameras roll when I can look down at my feet and remember a gracious, faithful God who will be right beside me as I speak.
YIKES!!!
So, it’s time for me to get out of the bathroom and get dressed. And frankly, I need to stop typing because trying to flat iron my hair and write this post at the same time is really a dumb idea. Siri did a lot of the dictation, but she’s REALLY bad with the typos.
So, with 10 days before next week’s shoot, I’m going to do my best to celebrate this moment in my life. Today, I’m going to enjoy the new fluttering butterflies in my tummy. I am going to embrace the annoying insecurities that come along with this new experience on the horizon. I hope that I do a great job. I’m praying that God works in me and through me.
And most of all, today, I’m going to smile.
I’M FILMING A DVD NEXT WEEK, Y’ALL!
Thanks for sharing in the journey with me!
Join me! If you’d like to be in the studio audience, I would love to look out and see your smiling face. CLICK HERE for more information to sign up for studio audience!
By the way, my new project, “Beautiful Already” is already available for pre-order on Amazon! If you’re a part of a women’s Bible study group, check it out! Click here for more info!
Coming in March 2016!
by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
by Barb Roose | Sep 10, 2015 | Women's Topics
You hate shopping? You’re not alone!
“Getting half-naked in front of the dressing room mirror intimidates me.”
“I don’t know what looks good on me.”
“I’ll go shopping after I lose some weight.”
“I just don’t like my body.”
Are you unhappy with your current wardrobe situation? Do you have clothes in your closet with the tags still on? It’s no wonder that so many awaken to the dreaded daily question: “What am I going to wear today?” I think this is why we embrace yoga pants or sweats. We worship that stretchy material that slides over everything we hate about our size and shape. We know that those stretchy black and gray pants aren’t flattering, but when our other choices are naked or frustrated tears, we’ll choose stretchy pants every time.
This is how shopping feels sometimes, right?
Why the despair? What do we really want from our clothes, ladies? There are two things that we want from our clothes: We want our clothes to look good on us and we want our clothes to feel like us. When we get dressed, we want our clothes to feel as natural on our bodies as our skin does and our clothes should be a reflection of who we are on the inside. When that doesn’t happen, our clothes can feel like they suffocating us. No one wants to feel suffocated in her clothes.
We all face different clothing challenges. Some of you are petite. Others of you struggle with difficult proportions. Some of you lament your stick-straight profile and wish that people would stop telling you how lucky you are that you are so thin. Me? I’ve got my own issues. I’m 5’ 10” with long legs and big curves on the top and bottom. I know what it means to have clothing challenges!
Why does it matter what you wear?
Think about your favorite (non-stretchy pants) outfit? In fact, if you can, go put it on. How does wearing that outfit make you feel? You stand a little taller, right? It’s easier to smile. Your eyes shine brighter and you feel more open to giving to the world around you. You feel like your best YOU. When you put on clothes that are the proper size, flatter shape and right style, everything about who you are on the inside translates on the outside.
Don’t write off that last sentence off as superficial or shallow. It’s not shallow to realize that when we invest the time into discovering our proper size, shape and style, that we walk stronger, taller and more confident as our authentic selves.
Why it only takes me five minutes to get dressed each morning…
I’m not a fashion professional. I haven’t had any formal training, but I do know how to buy clothes that are the proper size, flattering shape and reflect my natural style. As a result, it only takes me about five minutes to get dressed each morning, including shoes and accessories. Yes, five minutes. Which is good because I’m a night person and mornings are really rough for me.
Once I get dressed, I don’t think about what I’m wearing the rest of the day. I rarely look at a mirror unless I’m shooting a video or someone tells me that I’ve got food on my shirt, which happens frequently. What I love about feeling confident after I get dressed is that I don’t feel self-conscious. Also, my mental energy isn’t depleted by lingering doubts about how I look or how people think I look. In fact, when I feel good, then I am more likely to connect with others. It’s easier to give of myself when I feel good about me.
Three Promises I Made to Myself…
Would you believe that I’ve had that blazer for over 15 years? It used to be part of a suit that I paid $79.00 on clearance. That necklace was a $30 splurge for a special event in New York City, but I’ve been able to wear it often to add a little pop to simple garments like that plain white shirt.
After years of hating to shop and feeling badly in everything I wore, I decided to live by these three clothing promises:
- I would only purchase clothing or shoes that I absolutely, positively loved.
- I would only purchase items that looked great on me. Not good, but great.
- If something in my closet didn’t fit, I would get rid of it.
These three promises have simplified one of the most complicated decisions in my life – what I wear every day. Every morning, I have a 100% chance that I will feel great in what I am wearing. My closet is blessedly uncomplicated and I avoid feeling the pressure to keep buying clothes because what I own is already enough.
InStyle’s Social Media Assistant Editor, Jennifer Davis’ black dress
These shopping promises also mean that I can shop less. I don’t need to have overflowing closets of clothes. That’s right, you don’t need lots of clothes! InStyle’s Assistant Social Media Editor, Jennifer Davis1, wore the same little black dress for five work days and no one in her fashion-conscious office noticed. She mixed different accessories and layering options and no one ever knew that she repeated the same basic dress all week. Jennifer demonstrated how looking great isn’t about having more clothes or expensive clothes, but knowing how to mix and match what’s already there.
And, when I don’t love something anymore or it stops fitting like it used to, I don’t get emotional because I have lots of other things that I love. But, I do give it away. (By the way, I do own sweatpants and there are days when I want to wear them. In fact, while writing this article, I’m wearing sweats right now!)
Some of you feel intimidated or overwhelmed at the time and effort it will take to discover what is right for you. Yes, it will take an investment of time. However, you’ll end up saving hundreds of hours of frustration at the store or in your closet in the future. Once you know what you look great in, you won’t waste time or money buying things that make you less than beautiful.
Three Practical Tips for Your Current Closet
- Try on everything in your closet. I mean everything! Don’t be emotional about it. If you can’t fit something over your knees, slip it back off quickly and move on. You must control your thoughts and don’t let your clothes become a judge of your self-worth. You are more than your clothes! You are awesome! Keep repeating that to yourself!
- Divide your clothes and shoes into in two
piles: things that fit your proper size, have a flattering shape and style and then a pile for everything else. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself: Does this look and feel like me? Do I smile when I have this on?
- Let go of everything that doesn’t look or feel like you. Trust me. You won’t be
left naked. Let it go! Box it up and donate it. If you’re about to hyperventilate at the thought of doing this, invite a friend over to help you through this process.
I really wanted to buy this sweater – especially since I had a gift card! I tried this sweater on two different occasions. It was the right size and style, but the shape just wasn’t right for my body. So, I didn’t buy. And I don’t regret it!
Four Practical Tips For When You Do Need to Shop
- Let Your Clothes Be Your Guide – Review the pile of clothes that you love. Assess the colors, sizes, shape and style. Take pictures of your favorite shirts, pants and dresses. When you recognize the clothes that look good and makes you smile, then your shopping goal is to mimic what already works for you.
- Shop by Label – Look at the labels of the clothes that you already own and love. Shop at the stores that carry those labels. When it’s time to shop, go to those stores and start with trying on those labels first. You’ll get an extra boost of confidence knowing that that you’ve experienced success with that clothing brand. It will also reduce the amount of intimidation that you face when you walk into the store and see thousands of possibilities.
- Grab three sizes! We’ve got to make peace with the fact that clothing sizes aren’t consistent. You’ve just got to make peace with that. When I find an item, I grab the size that I think I wear as well as one size smaller and bigger. I try on all three without looking at the size. Then, I pick the one that fits best and makes me feel great about how I look! The feeling that I get from how I look that garment is much more satisfying than any shame or sadness over the number on the tag. No one knows what size you are unless you tell them, BUT they will notice if your clothes are too big or way too small.
- Listen to people – When you receive a compliment on an outfit, pay attention! Don’t brush off compliments or diminish them! Look that wonderful person in the eye and thank them. Compliments mean that you are moving about the world as your truest self and that’s a good thing!
I’d love your feedback! Did you try any of these clothing tips? How did you get through the process? Did you buy anything new? If so, let us see it!
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends! Hit the share buttons at the top or bottom of this post. Friends love friends who love and encourage them!
Source: http://news.instyle.com/2014/12/30/i-tried-it-i-wore-the-same-little-black-dress-for-a-week/
by Barb Roose | Sep 3, 2015 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Yesterday, I had the privilege of sitting across from a lovely woman and hear the dream that’s been growing in her heart for years. I watched her face light up and I listened to the words that come from the bravest who dream big:
“I hope…”
“I wish…”
“I think I can…”
I love dreams. But, dreams are scary. When we dream, we also fear that it won’t come true. For some of us, that fear eats our dreams before we ever get the chance to enjoy them. At our church, we’ve got a new series coming up titled #FAILPROOF – a series about how we can push past the fear that keeps us from living out God-sized dreams. Our fear of failure paralyzes us, doesn’t it? I hate failure. I hate feeling like a failure. In fact, once upon a time, the fear of failure almost got me…
Did you know that I wrote a book that never got published?
About 10 years before my Enough Already book, I wrote a fiction book that is still sitting on the shelf in my bedroom. I tried to get it published, but it didn’t work out. It was rejected and that rejection hurt. For a long time, I didn’t want to write a book because I didn’t want to be rejected ever again. Yet, I kept that book because it eventually taught me a lesson about dreams: A dream is precious and can be celebrated, even if it doesn’t become all that I hoped it to be.
That dream didn’t come true, but it did serve a purpose in my life.
A few years later, God sent me a new dream as well as divine timing. That new dream grew into my Enough Already book. It was a costly dream, but that’s what making dreams-come-true is all about. Dreams ain’t easy, friends. And if it is, then it isn’t a real dream.
What are you dreaming about? Have you been holding onto a dream, but unsure what to do?
I’d love permission to encourage you today with a few suggestions:
- Tell someone. Dreams are hard, but there are some dreams that we make harder than they need to be. Let’s face it, some of your dreams, like repairing a relationship or getting out of debt – those dreams feel impossible as long as they are in your head. You’ve got to tell someone about your dream! For some of you, this will require courage, but I know you can do it! Pick someone you TRUST and lay it on them, but don’t expect them to do anything other than listen.
- Give your dream time to grow into reality. I finished my first book in 2004, but I didn’t publish my first solo book until 2015. So, what did I do during all of those unpublished years? I wrote. A lot. I prepared while I waited. So should you.
- Make an Ask. Be specific about what kind of help that you need, but don’t expect someone to work your dream. As a wise consultant and friend keeps saying, “Healthy people know how to ask for what they want, even if they don’t always get it.” (Now, before you all write me to ask for help about publishing a book, I’m still trying to figure it all out!)
- Take responsibility for your dream. A dream is like a baby. You’ve got to nurture it, direct it, reposition it and most of all, take responsible for the good, the bad and the ugly that happens when dreams become reality. Don’t orphan your dream when it gets shaky or off-course, stay with it!
A message for those who’ve stopped dreaming…
Life happens. We fail. We get beat up. Sometimes, we want to give up. Don’t give up on dreaming!
I don’t know why you’ve stopped dreaming, but I know what it feels like to be dream-less: it feels like death. In fact, there’s a verse in the Old Testament that I’m paraphrasing: “Without a vision (dream), the people will perish (die).” Without a dream, there’s part of you that feels like it’s dying inside.
So, what do you do? How can you start to dream again? Here’s a tip: Find someone with a dream and help him or her fulfill it. As you get involved in their dream, it will boost your confidence to begin to dream again for yourself.
Dream on, friends. It’s time for your dream ON!
Do you have a dream that you are ready to share? If you could do anything and knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do? Share your dream in the comments for us to cheer you on! If you think that this post would bless your friends, use the share buttons below.
Thanks for stopping by today! By the way, my new online magazine, FancyPants, launches on September 15 for barbroose.com subscribers ONLY. Each month, I’ll be sharing my favorite fashion stuff, style news and beautiful stuff for your faith and soul. Subscribe so that I can send you FancyPants each month!
by Barb Roose | Aug 27, 2015 | Uncategorized
We women don’t want to stop at just looking good – we want to smell good, too! As a matter of fact, an entire industry has been created to cater to that desire. Walk by any department store perfume counter, and you will see exotic names that promise romance, intrigue, mystique, and so much more: Endless Euphoria, Spellbound, Beyond Paradise, Pleasure, and Viva La Juicy, to name a few.
As a 13-year-old girl, I remember the awakening of my “feminine mystique.” I heard that every woman should have a signature fragrance – one that would speak of her essence and create a fragrant identity. I chose a perfume named “Wind Song.” It advertised, “Your Wind Song stays on his mind.” As a boy-crazy teenager, I was all about that!
Kathy Ptaszek (pronounced tay-zack) loves people and is known for her warmth and the ability to connect with audiences of all ages. She has spoken to thousands of women at retreats, as well as community and church events throughout Michigan, Ohio, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Colorado for over 40 years.
Change and loss have been a part of Kathy’s journey. Her husband Jon died in 1991, leaving her to single-parent their daughters, Aimee and Molly, who were ages 11 and 13 at the time. Through it all, she is convinced of the goodness and sovereignty of God. She found Him faithful in the darkest storms of life. She chose Psalm 66:16 as her purpose for speaking and writing:
When I shared that story years later, a friend laughed and said, “Oh, Honey! You were so innocent! If I had a signature fragrance in my youth, it would’ve been ‘My Sin’ by Lanvin!”
When my daughters were in high school, we shared a bottle of Calvin Klein’s CK-One. Once as a friend climbed into the car with the three of us, he sniffed the air appreciatively, and said, “That’s the Ptaszek women’s smell!” Signature fragrance? Nailed it!
I must admit that I still enjoy hearing someone say, “O-o-o-oh, you smell good!” However, although I do occasionally wear perfume, these days the scent that I hope would be my signature fragrance doesn’t come in a bottle, and no amount of money can buy it – it’s the fragrance of Christ. My desire is that as someone spends time in my air space, it would be the sweet aroma of Jesus in me that stays on their mind.
2 Corinthians 2:14-15 NIV says, “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ, and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life.”
What is the fragrance of Christ? English theologian F. B. Meyer said, “Wrap the habits of your soul in the sweet lavender of the Lord’s character.” If there is any fragrance more delightful than lavender, would someone please tell me! Whether it’s in candles, sachets, lotions or scented soap, I cannot inhale lavender deeply enough. Better than lavender, I think Jesus emitted the sweet aroma of grace.
When Philip Yancey was doing research for his best seller, What’s So Amazing About Grace?, he surveyed strangers by asking, “What comes to mind when I say ‘evangelical Christians?’” Not one person gave a description that sounded anything like grace. Yancey concluded, “Apparently, that is not the aroma Christians, in general, give off in the world.” Sisters in Christ – let that NOT be said of us!
How do we put on the fragrance of Christ? Have you ever hugged someone, and then realized that the scent of their perfume or aftershave lingers on you? Let it be the habit of your soul to press in close to Jesus. Embrace Him by spending time in God’s Word. Pray that God will make you more like Jesus: grace-filled, merciful, peace loving, humble, servant-like, nonjudgmental, compassionate, and forgiving. The world is hungry for these things! People will want to be in your air space if you are giving off “the sweet lavender of the Lord’s character.”
Photo credit: Kathy Ptaszek
Photo credit: Kathy Ptasek
Photo credit: Kathy Ptaszek
You might want to consider finding another woman whom you’ve noticed spreading the fragrance of Christ, and asking her to mentor you. Ask her how she got what she has. Be willing to cultivate the spiritual disciplines that will help you get to know Jesus better and love Him in a deeper way.
It is said, “You are known by the company you keep.” Keep company with Jesus, and it will show! The apostles did, and the religious leaders “were astonished, and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13b)
One day in church, as the service ended, a college student put her head on my shoulder and began to sob. Sitting under secular professors had taken its toll. She said, “I don’t know what I believe anymore, but I see Jesus in you – He’s so real in your life.” She saw Jesus. She smelled the sweet fragrance of Him, and it melted her heart.
Let the fragrance of Jesus be your signature fragrance. May it be the sweet smell of grace that makes people exclaim, “O-o-o-oh, you smell good!”
Kathy, thank you so much for sharing such tremendous inspiration and wisdom with us! Ladies, I encourage you to check out Kathy’s blog, Holy Ground All Around and follow her on Facebook. She’s been a friend of mine for many years and I’ve been so blessed by her wisdom and faith. Thanks for stopping by today! You can share your thoughts with Kathy by leaving a comment below and you can share this post with your friends by hitting the share buttons. Have a great day, ladies!
by Barb Roose | Aug 20, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I’m Gaby Muñoz, I live in Guatemala and I’m the head of FaithSeeds, an organization dedicated to help children and break the cycle of poverty through love and education. My greatest dream is to build two schools and a shelter for the orphans, widows, and abandoned women. I love reading and dancing.
I never considered myself normal. I’ve never been someone that fit in the popular crowd. And I love it.
When I was young, I was the good kid with the best grades in school, so, of course, my parents were always proud of me. I came to Jesus when I was sixteen, because I was craving God. I wanted to know Him, to know if He was real.
At 17, I graduated high school. I was popular because I had the best grades, not because I was cool. I had already decided to save my first kiss for my husband, and I knew I was not going to get married while I was a teenager. So I had no problem staying away from boyfriend issues until I was twenty-two years old. By then, I was in business school, I was one of the youth leaders at church, and I was working as my pastor’s secretary. Life was good. Still I was after Jesus; I just knew there was more of Him.
So, I met this guy. He was a little shy, kind, very nice. As extra bonus, he was super cute. We became friends. Then, we developed feelings for each other. Still, I didn’t want a relationship though. I was waiting for the one I would marry, but I couldn’t deny my feelings for him. I don’t know how it happened, but he became very demanding about my looks. My features are not that of a skinny girl. They never have been, but I was okay with it. Every time we talked, he would ask me to go on a diet or to go to the gym; he thought I needed to lose weight. Then my closest friends joined him.
Gaby working with some of the kids through her organization, Faithseeds.
By the time I turned 24, I started to think that “the one” for me would never show up because I was fat. I believed that my friends and that guy were right; I needed to lose weight in order to be beautiful.
As a coincidence, I met this lady at the bus stop who happened to sell certain products to lose weight. They were very expensive, but I tried them. In two months, I lost 18 pounds. I started dropping sizes and everyone noticed how attractive I looked! This lady said I shouldn’t use the product anymore. According to her, I looked good already, so losing more weight wouldn’t be good for me.
However, I then had some guys interested in me and I liked the feeling. So, I couldn’t afford the risk of getting fat again. That’s when I decided to stop eating.
I got so obsessed that I thought that a glass of water would make me gain weight. My temper changed. I was grumpy all the time, and I learned to lie. When my friends would ask me if I ate, I told them I ate at home.
One day, my mom told me that my dad was crying the night before because he thought I might have issues with anorexia. God knows how I love my parents, so the fact that my dad was sad made me miserable. Of course, I denied it to my mom. I told her they were crazy and I felt bad about that. So, I decided to start eating again for them. However, I couldn’t stand the idea of having food in my body. First I tried throwing up, but I hated it. Then, I was introduced to the world of laxatives. I started using laxatives in a very abusive way to get rid of the food I ate.
I kept dropping weight and I looked terrible. Yet, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, in my head I looked obese. Deep inside I knew what I was doing to myself, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t eat; food was the most disgusting thing to me. I started losing my hair and my period stopped, but I just couldn’t eat. I wanted to be able to eat and not take laxatives, but it was stronger than me.
One night I felt so guilty. I prayed, “Jesus, if you are there and you can hear me, please help me get out of this.” But nothing changed. Then, one day I found the courage to confess to my mom. We both cried, and she encouraged me to hold on onto Jesus for this. She said they missed my joyfulness. They were worried about me because I looked like a walking bunch of bones.
At the city dump, Gaby serves one of the precious children that she works with in her organization.
My mom talked to my family and friends, and they all started a “Let’s save Gaby plan.” They called me often just to tell me I didn’t need to be skinny to be loved. There was always someone with me; they didn’t even let me go to the bathroom without someone waiting for me at the door. Somehow, it made me see that I was loved, and that made me want to stop. That is why I say that “Love rescued me.” It was a lot of prayer and love that gave me the strength to fight the voices in my head.
I went to the doctor and praise God, almost everything was normal. However, my stomach and my intestines were very hurt. My family and friends were very patient with me eating little by little again. Slowly, I started to heal. I felt forgiven by Jesus and by the people I love, but it took me a long time to forgive myself. I felt stupid knowing I could have diet and that I hurt my family and friends. Above all, I struggled with knowing that I had hurt Jesus. It took me about five years to heal emotionally.
I still struggle with the “beauty” subject. It’s been ten years since my battle with anorexia, but it is a constant battle in my soul. Now, as time has passed and my sweet Papa God has made His plans known to me – plans for me to rescue children from garbage dumps in my Guatemala. I’m here to fight for them to have a future worthy of a child of God. I want to be a part of changing their destinies for the glory of my Father. Now, I understand that the Enemy will always do all he can to stop the plans and purposes of God in our lives. He almost got me, but Jesus in His mercy rescued me with His love, and He is rescuing His precious children now.
Another one of the children that Gaby serves. God’s given her a dream to bring hope and life to those children.
One morning, while I was praying, Papa God told me to read Psalm 96. There’s one verse that talks about the beauty of a holy life, and it hit me. Then he led me to Psalm 45, which says that “The King is in awe of your beauty” and I got i!
I am beautiful to Him.
I am cherished and loved.
My precious children in the communities will come to me saying I am the prettiest girl, the most beautiful princess in the world. I think God does that because He knows I need that. I can’t imagine the number of people that die every day because of anorexia and bulimia. It hurts to know the number of purposes that are stopped because people choose it. I know that Jesus never wanted me to go through that. It was my choice; I chose to believe those lies.
I know now, though those thoughts still come to my mind, above all, I am beautiful – not because of myself, but because I was wonderfully made by the best artist. I am beautiful because of a beautiful Holy Spirit living inside of me. His plans are perfect, His timing is perfect, and His creation is perfect.
Thanks Gaby for sharing your story! I know that you encouraged and inspired many reading today! Friends, share this post and encourage someone today! Also, Click here if you’d like to find out more about Gaby’s organization, Faithseeds.
Blessings,
by Barb Roose | Aug 3, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Ladies, what words do you use to describe yourself in the mirror? Does it matter what you say to yourself?
It’s tough out there, isn’t it, ladies? As much as we love social media, we don’t love the constant barrage of culture telling us how we should look. There are a lot of “mirrors” out there. Lots of people with opinions about our size, shape and style. I can pick up one magazine that tells me young and thin is in, then click over to Buzzeed for the 25 reasons why having junk in my trunk is amazing. So many conflicting messages about beauty! Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the middle of something, but you don’t know which side to take?
Even Angelina struggles with beauty…
Angelina Jolie (credit to filmrise.com/getty images)
Actress Angelina Jolie is one of the one of the most recognizable and photographed women in the world. She appears in movies, magazines and tabloid publications on a regular basis. Angelina’s face, body and weight undergo constant scrutiny by anyone and everyone who feels the need to chime into the discussion. So, what does this famous woman think of all of the attention paid to her appearance? Does the fact that our culture considers her beautiful have any impact on her personal opinion of herself?
Here are some quotes that I found online from Angelina:
“I don’t see myself as beautiful, because I can see a lot of flaws. People have really odd opinions. They tell me I’m skinny, as if that’s supposed to make me happy.”
“I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.”
“I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it’s unbelievable.”
These quotes are not chronological and I don’t know in what context they were spoken. Even Angelina can have a few bad days. However, I think they demonstrate that even a woman plastered all over dozens of international magazine covers can think and feel the very same things that you do.
What fascinates me about women is that we would never criticize our friends the way that we harangue ourselves. Imagine the following dialogue:
“Hi Jessica.”
“Hello, Emily. How are you today?”
“I’m fine. But, honey, do you realize that your legs look like a sausage rolls stuffed in those jeans. Oh, and that muffin top? Girl, you look like a breakfast combination from Jimmy Dean.”
That conversation would never happen between friends. (If it does, you may want to rethink that friendship.) Yet, we engage in that kind of dialogue with ourselves every time we look into the mirror. Unfortunately, our mirrors have become an accessory to our campaign of self-condemnation and self-doubt. Too often we use our mirrors to confirm what culture says is wrong with our size, shape or style.
Why does it matter if we believe that we are beautiful?
It’s so easy to criticize ourselves in the mirror and photos. But, for this photo, I admit that I laughed pretty hard once I saw that fu-man-chu mustache!
We must understand what happens when we allow our feelings about our physical flaws undermine our true value. We’ll see how dangerous and hurtful it is for us to believe the ugly lie that we cannot be beautiful.
In my 2013 Created with Curves survey, I asked over 500 women the following open-ended question: “When you look into the mirror, what are some of the words you’ve used to describe yourself?” Here are some of the positive responses:
Gorgeous and blessed! Voluptuous! Precious as rubies. Woman of color
I’m beautiful, amazing, lovely, God-fearing, blessed, overcomer and a role-model
Strong and independent
I’m beautiful, confident and radiant
Strong, athletic, driven
Those are some fantastic responses! We love it when a woman feels good about herself in the mirror, but secretly, we really want that woman to be US!
Here’s another set of responses that women gave:
Ordinary, plain, nothing special
Fat. Ugly. Undesirable.
Gross. Why. Ehh, its okay. Fat. Ugly.
Flabby, dorky, let myself go…
Overweight, need to work on my abs
Hideous, disgrace, waste
Any of these words should familiar to you? The #1 word that women used to describe themselves in the survey was fat. In fact, only 6.7% of women used the word beautiful to describe themselves.
I actually broke down in sobs when I read the survey report. I was so thankful for the raw honesty, but that same honesty tore my heart out as well. But, does it matter that we say those words in the mirror? YES! The impact of those words and those beliefs are felt in many ways.
When we don’t believe that we are beautiful:
…We shrink back,
…We hold back,
…We don’t speak up,
…We hide behind,
…We avoid.
…We struggle to connect.
I’m not against the beauty industry. As soon as I publish this post, I”m going to put on some cute clothes and make-up. But, hair and make-up aren’t the cause of our issues. We’ve done this to ourselves. We’ve given others the power over our understanding and definition of beauty. Our culture has created a financially-driven faux beauty standard that smacks us around every time we pick up a magazine. It’s no surprise that we feel like we are losing. Our ugly struggle with beauty remains a dark, silent cloud hanging above our lives. We don’t like to acknowledge it, but it hovers over us when we look in the mirror and throughout the day when we want to live fully, not we don’t feel like we are enough so we back off.
Here’s the beautiful truth that pertains to you…
Here’s one thought that I’d like to share with you today. It’s a simple thought, but it can change how you see yourself – and others. That simple thought is this: You are beautiful because God created you.
Repeat that to yourself a few times. Just let your mouth and mind get the feel for those words:
“I am beautiful because God created me.”
For some, these words might be hard to choke out. Say it anyways. Some of you don’t believe them. Repeat it anyways.
Yes, our culture has tried to define beauty and convince us that their definition is right. But, here’s the thing: God trumps culture. So, IMO God’s definition of beauty is the only one that matters. So, let me draw the dots really close together on this one:
1. God created you.
2. The scriptures say that everything that God makes is “towb” which is the Hebrew word for “beautiful.”
3. So, if God created you, then you are beautiful. Another way of saying it: You are beautiful because God created you.
That is truth. Embrace it. Live it. Share it with other women that you know.
Thanks for stopping by! I hope that this post encouraged your heart and life today. If so, feel free to share this with your friends by clicking the share buttons at the top. By the way, some of today’s content came from my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty, Chapter 4: Flaw Finding. Click here to find out more about my book and the special Kindle pricing!
by Barb Roose | Jul 27, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
A few months ago, I realized that my back was really hurting. The first few minutes of each morning were getting really painful. Like OOUUUCCCHH! To make matters worse, when I did move, my bones were popping and cracking like a 90-year old man. Goodness!
My body was finally shouting loud enough for me to listen. You see, my workout regimen had been hit –miss – miss- miss – miss for many months. I’d get in a week of exercise here and there, nothing consistent. So after many months of excuses and good intentions that went nowhere my body’s pain protests were finally louder than the excuses I’d been telling myself. It was time to get back on it. Time to take care of my body. But, there’s one thing:
I don’t love exercise.
I just don’t. I hate admitting this, but I’ve got to keep it real. I love sports and competition, but I don’t love working out. I’m much rather consume a pile of cookies and unlimited Netflix over pulling out my workout mat and moving off the couch. Running, planks and yoga do not hold the same thrill as chocolate-peanut butter ice cream and streaming episodes of “Fixer Upper” with Chip and Joanna Gaines…I love them.
Yet, when I’m not taking care of my body, my body lets me know it.
I give thanks that my body started sending me angry, painful messages a few months back. That pain forced me to get my butt literally back into gear. You know what hurts worse than working out? The pain of a body that isn’t cared for! God created our bodies to move. This doesn’t mean that we’ve got to run 10 miles a day, but we’ve got to do something! While those managing fragile health issues must follow their doctor’s instructions, many have been encouraged by their doctors to engage in some form of physical movement. It’s how God designed us!
From a spiritual standpoint, I believe that caring my body honors God. I believe that caring for my body is one way to prepare for God to use me for the good works that He’s planned for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). While I have no control over whether or not some illness or medical condition will interfere with my current wellness, I am responsible for how I treat my body today.
While we know that what’s on the inside of a person matters most, but we should never take our bodies or health for granted. They are a gift from God!
Q4U (Question for you): How are you treating your God-given body? On a scale of 1 (bad)-10 (great) how well are you:
- …Nourishing your body in a way that will make you healthy and strong?
- …Getting a good night’s sleep?
- …Disciplining yourself to pursue fitness in some form most days of the week?
- …Experience connection with others?
For any question that you answered less than a “5,” then what do you need to do differently and most importantly, what’s going to be the reason “why” you need to behave differently. Without a compelling “why,” you probably won’t follow-through.
Meditate on this today: I honor God with my body when I care for it and strengthen it as much as I am able.
Thanks for stopping by today! If this devotional blessed you, share it with your friends!
by Barb Roose | Jul 20, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship
I love adventure! To a certain extent, I’m even wired for it. Embracing a challenge that makes my blood rush gives me a thrill. While I’m not interested in pushing the odds of an early demise, I like to push myself from time to time.
One of the best adventures of all was when I went skydiving in June 2011. Whenever I talk about going skydiving, the first question people ask is WHY?! Well, the simple answer is that I didn’t want to pet a tarantula. Ha!
In June 2011, I prepared to give a weekend message about Caleb and Joshua from the Old Testament. The message theme was courage, so as our top-notch programming team suggested that I do something courageous to kick off the series. The room started buzzing at that point and I knew what was coming:
Someone: “I’VE GOT IT! Barb, you could go to the zoo and pet a tarantula.”
Me: “No.”
Someone: “But, that would take courage.”
Me: “Sobbing hysterically and peeing my pants on camera isn’t courageous. What else we got?”
Someone else: “You could go skydiving. Hahaha!!”
We called 1-800-SKY-DIVE and just like that, I was going skydiving. THE NEXT DAY.
The next morning, I drove 2 1/2 hours east to a little town just outside of Canton, Ohio with one of our arts pastors and one of our videographers. My parents only lived about 30 minutes from where I would do the jump, but I figured I would call them after I survived instead of before. No need to worry them, right? After all, I promised my husband that I would try to not die and that I’d be home in time to make dinner.
On arrival, there were lots of papers to sign, but it really could have been summed up by stating “If you die, it isn’t our fault.” Then, I headed over to pick up my jumpsuit. I’m not a jumpsuit kinda girl, and they don’t exactly make them cute, but whatever.
Next, I participated in a 30-minute instructional session and learned how parachutes worked. They also explained what I needed to do in the air and most importantly, right before landing. Remembering those important details kept my mind off the fact that I would freefall 10,000 ft to the ground.
Then, I met my jump partner, Mike. My suit had a hook that would be tethered to Mike’s hook on the way down. Why? Because 30-minutes isn’t nearly enough time to learn how to jump out of an airplane on my own and survive. Imagine my thrill when Mike mentioned that he’s jumped out of an airplane over 5,000 times. Jumping out of a plane for Mike was like driving to work for me. And, Mike was tall, so I didn’t have to worry about squishing him if we landed wrong.
Mike and I walking out to the plane. Excited, but nervous!
Notice how I’m tucked up right next to the pilot. It was a tight space, but I had enough room to fold my little hands together and pray.
Finally, it was time.
Mike and I walked out to the teeniest, tiniest, dinky little plane I’d ever seen. There wasn’t enough room for me to sit in the back with the other two jumpers. So I sat in a space on the floor next to the pilot, facing toward the back of the plane. As we taxied down the field, the pilot told us that it would take about 20 minutes for us to reach our jump zone. That meant I had 20 minutes to think. And pray. And pray more. There was lots ‘o praying.
Here’s the video from the weekend message, including the skydive. Just keep reading after the video!
Lots of people asked me if I was scared. Not really. I like to sum it up in one word: crazy! Free-falling at 120mph is pretty wild. I loved how fast we were moving through the air and I was excited that Mike was doing all of the work so that I could enjoy the moment. I was tethered to someone who knew what he was doing and that made all of the difference.
Just the same is if you walk with God, you’re tethered to Him and He will never leave you alone.
So, the point of sharing my story wasn’t to convince you to go skydiving. But, I hope that my story might prod you toward in to take a brave step of faith toward some place God has been calling you to go. For every place God calls you to go, He goes with you – and that’s the most important thing to remember.
In the Old Testament, there were numerous times when God reminds His people to press forward, even though they might be worried about how things will turn out. Here’s God’s reminder:
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
These are the words I want to leave you with today. For whatever you are facing today that makes you anxious, afraid, or discouraged, you are not alone. When we think that we’re all alone, it’s never a good feeling. Yet, in both the Old and New Testament, we see God’s constant message that even though we live in a world where bad things happen and evil exists, God is present. We can press forward through difficult, even tragic circumstances with bravery and courage when we remember that God is present and will strengthen us through our trials.
Be strong and courageous, today.
This photo was captured mid-air during my skydive. I call it my “Kermit the Frog” picture.
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by Barb Roose | Jul 6, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Three years ago if you asked me what chronic illness was, I would have replied with something along the lines of, “I don’t know, but it sounds pretty terrible.”
Here’s the lovely Lauren Gaskill. We connected a few months ago and it’s been a blessing getting to know her. Check out Lauren’s beautiful blog, MakingLifeSweet.com for inspiration on topics related to happy, healthy living. She also share flavorful and easy food recipes – the photos will make your mouth water! Photo credit: A.Photographer
For the first 18 years of my life, I enjoyed a blissfully healthy existence. Every now and then I would get a sinus infection or the flu, but I never experienced any major complications. I was an optimistic, spunky, sassy and energetic young woman — and nothing could rob me of that. I had no problem waking up, going to swim practice two times a day, taking care of schoolwork and staying up late into the night hanging out with friends. On the side, I worked as a lifeguard and swim lessons instructor and never felt too fatigued to do my job.
I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but one day during my sophomore year of college in 2011, everything changed. One fall morning I woke up with lockjaw, a migraine and full body pain. Things were never the same after that. Headaches became a daily occurrence, my body felt like it had been hit with 2x4s, and my neck, jaw and back were in a constant state of semi-debilitating to unbearable pain.
Sometimes the pain was enough to make me skip class and stay in bed. But then there were periods of time — months even — when the pain wasn’t so bad. Half of my days were what I like to call “good” days and half were “bad” days. I had an MRI done of my head just to make sure nothing abnormal was happening and when the reading came back normal, I just carried on with life as I knew it. I tried not to think about the pain and if I needed to, I took Advil to help me get through the bad days.
Fast forward to 2014. From the outside looking in, it was a very happy year in my life. I landed two jobs fresh out of college, became engaged and married my best friend, and we bought our first home in Minnesota. But on the inside my chronic pain was worse than ever and I started sustaining injuries just from doing normal activities.
After a slew of doctor’s office visits, specialists’ visits and tests, I received an official diagnosis of fibromyalgia and hypermobility in March 2015. My family members and friends were devastated for me. We’re so sorry Lauren. That’s awful news, they said. But the truth was while others lamented, I felt relieved. For four years, I had stuffed and hidden my pain to keep doing life according to what I considered to be “normal.” But now that I had an official diagnosis, I knew I needed to start making health a bigger priority. I needed to start listening to my body so I could manage my condition.
If you’ve ever heard of the spoon theory, you know what I meant earlier by good days and bad days. Some days I wake up without a headache and feeling like myself. On those days, I am blessed with many spoons. Other times I wake up with maybe one spoon to make it through. On these days I must prioritize taking care of my health. I have learned that even though my soul wants to soldier on, it’s essential in these moments to back off, listen to my body, and treat it kindly.
If that means backing out of a dinner, canceling plans or taking a break from blogging to focus on my health, then that is what I’ll do.
Chronic illness has taught me that I can’t do it all — and that’s OK. This is where Jesus comes in.
All of these lessons aside, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that even though I can try to manage my chronic condition, ultimately relying on Jesus is the only thing that really gets me through. He gave me this one body and this one life to live. And I am called to take care of my relationship with Him just as much as I am called to take care of my health.
I have found that the more I focus on Jesus, the less I think about all of the pain and heartache that fibro and hypermobility can inflict upon me. On both the good and bad days, prioritizing Him is the best decision I could ever make because He is the supplier of my peace, joy and strength.
Thanks, Lauren for sharing your story with us!
Ladies, you can share your story, too! If you’re living with chronic pain, how do you take care of yourself? How can we best support you on those difficult days? If you want to read more from Lauren, check out her blog, Makinglifesweet.com.
I’m so glad that you stopped by to check out today’s post. It is such a pleasure and privilege to share inspiration and encouragement with you! Did you see last week’s post on why Pixar’s movie, “Inside Out” made me cry? Click here to check it out!
by Barb Roose | Jun 29, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship
Congrats, Pixar. You made me cry during another one of your movies. Again.
My hubby, two younger daughter and I went to see “Inside Out” a few days ago. Imagine my annoyance when I had to reach for a tissue. It’s a cartoon for goodness’ sake! I think that making adults cry at movies is some kind on conspiracy. In fact, my conspiracy has a name. I call it the “Bambie Effect.” ‘Cause upon a time, Disney killed off Bambie’s mom and made adults cry. Walt’s people got away with it and Pixar has perfected the art of making adults cry at animated movies. #Up #ToyStory3
“Inside Out” is a movie about feelings. Yep, feelings finally got their own feature movie. This digital psychological journey animates all of the emotions that we have at some point or another. We meet colorful and interesting emotions named Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust. Movie watchers observe the dynamics and dynamite between those emotions as they struggle to help the main character, Riley, navigate her feelings after moving cross-country with her family.
It doesn’t take long before I realize that the movie’s theme presses us with the following question: Can our dogged pursuit of happiness actually hurt us?
Photo credit: hercampus.com
Photo credit: babyrazzi.com
The answer is yes. We watch as well-meaning Joy ends up causing Riley most amount of pain in the movie. As I watched Joy’s well-intentioned efforts cause pain and mayhem, a few thoughts came to mind during the movie:
When happiness is our highest goal, we’re tempted to manipulate what we value in order to achieve it.
How often do we long just to be happy? We want to be happy. We want to make other people happy. Yet, our pursuit of happiness might be at the expense of other more important things.
In her singular mission to try to keep Riley happy, Joy moved and manipulated the other emotions out of her self-righteous way. If Riley was in the midst of a bad day, Joy raced to replace Riley’s bad memory with a happy one. If Riley had a nightmare, Joy rushed in to whisk it away. As Joy bounced all over the command center switching and moving memories to keep Riley a happy girl, we had an impending sense of doom.
When things in our lives starts sliding in the wrong direction, we start clawing for happiness because anxiety, pain and anger just feel bad. There are times when we feel like we’re stuck on a losing streak, right? Our car breaks down. Then, the basement floods. Next, our kids’ get sick or we break the screen on our iPhone. When we have so many bad feelings, we are desperate to feel good. If we get desperate enough, we’ll grab for happiness wherever we can find it – even if it’s not good for us. You can fill-in-the-blank for whatever that might be for you: overspending, overeating, sexual irresponsibility, theft, etc. Have you ever made a bad decision because you wanted to enjoy a good feeling?
As the movie unfolds, young Riley’s distress mounts. The other emotions call out caution, but Joy pushes for happiness. She didn’t want Riley to dwell on sad memories. Furthermore, Joy doesn’t want listen to the other emotions’ input. I cringed as i watched Joy rush to phrases I’ve used before: “Let’s focus on the positive and what’s going right” or “It will be just fine.”
Sometimes, we need to lean into our sadness…
I learned the most from Sadness in the movie. I’m an realistic optimist. I know that bad things happen in this world. I’m not stranger to problems and heartache, but I maintain my optimism. So, the movie’s character, Sadness, grated on my nerves. Sadness shuffled around with seemingly nothing to offer. There were problems to solve and frankly, Sadness wasn’t helping. At one point, Joy drew a circle and asked Sadness to step inside and stay out of the way. As rude as that moment seemed, I’ve been guilty of something similar. If I just stay positive…No negative thinking…
As the movie went on, Joy and Sadness were separated from the rest of the emotions. This ends up being a good thing. There is a pivotal scene where Sadness creates an opportunity for another character to grieve and move on past a painful event and smile again. Joy realizes letting Sadness be a part of Riley’s memories wouldn’t ruin the joy of those memories. Instead, Sadness gave Riley’s memories much more impact and depth.
This is a deep and profound truth for all of us.
My most precious memories are made up of heartbreaking moments combined with the presence of treasured friends. In difficult moments, sadness is the emotion that slows us down so that others can care for us.
Sadness creates space for friends to sit with us in our despair and let us know that we are not alone. During sad times, friends embrace us and comfort us just by being there. Sadness is often the emotion that attracts compassion and pours it into our lives.
If heartache is part of our humanity, then it’s possible for sadness to be a gift.
Imagine how cold and callous we would be if bad things happened and we didn’t pause to feel them deeply or acknowledge their impact on our lives? Pretending that life doesn’t hurt actually hurts us. Pretending that we aren’t wounded may actually come from a place of pride. We don’t want others to know that we are just like everyone else. If I am not careful, this is the very place I can end up. The healthiest of humans know that deep pain cannot be healed in a vacuum. Time does not heal all wounds, but friends can. And we should not be afraid or ashamed to let others comfort us.
Compassion is powerful and helps us heal. Often, won’t realize how much we need compassion until we receive it. We shouldn’t be afraid to let others who us compassion, especially since the givers of such compassion have experienced the power of receiving it. Here’s a verse that I think of when I hear of sad moments. This is a great reminder and prompt for people like me, who can underestimate the power of sadness, comfort and compassion:
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New Living Translation)
STUFF TO THINK ABOUT:
How has sadness or heartache prompted you to refocus or prioritize your life? When’s the last time you let someone be there for you during a time of great sadness? How did their presence impact your life?
Thanks for checking out this week’s post! Did you see “Inside Out”? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you think this post might bless someone else, please hit the “share” button at the top of the post. God bless!
by Barb Roose | Jun 8, 2015 | Women's Topics
We all like to watch people.
Why? Because people are really interesting! This past weekend, my neighborhood hosted our annual Old West End Festival. Thousands of people descended upon our historical neighborhood to pursue garages sales, view parades or look at our grand historical homes (well, not mine. I live there, but mine isn’t quite in the same category as “grand”…more like old-fashioned lived-in.)
Here’s my favorite home in our neighborhood. It’s located a few streets over from my house. I don’t know anything about it other than I like to walk by it – and I’m thankful that I don’t have to clean it. (photo credit: Flickr)
As the visitors walk and gawk, residents like me spend the weekend just watching the crowd. It’s like the annual all-you-can-see people-watching buffet and I never had to leave my seat.
So, it is the people-watching experience of this weekend that inspires this post. There are lots of different kinds of people-watchers, but today, we’re talking about my two favorite types. First, the group of folks that I call “weird-watchers.”
Do what you gotta do…
Weird-watchers are folks that follow you with their eyes just a little bit too long and a way too intense. Truthfully, I may have accidentally weird-watched someone at least once or twice – like people who have tattoos with lots of words.
Moving on…
This week, a friend posted on Facebook that a weird-watcher was staring at her while she was sitting on the train in Chicago. She was a little freaked out by his persistent gaze, even though she was safely on the opposite side of a window. Like a good friend, I offered some handy Facebook advice to her – because on Facebook, we all LOVE to give advice. With weird-watchers, you’ve gotta fight fire with fire. My advice: “Stare back at him and pick your nose.” #nailedit
The “Body-Shoppers”
My favorite form of people-watching is body-shopping. I’m a body-shopper. That’s the kind of people-watcher that I am. Body-shopping is like shopping in a store, except there’s no store and the clothes are on moving bodies. One of my biggest pet-peeves in the store that the cellulite-free mannequins don’t realistically demonstrate how something could really fit. Yet, every woman is a real-life model and so I get to see how lots of different clothes look on a variety of sizes and shapes of bodies.
For me, body-shopping begins once I see a necklace or accessory that captures my attention. It’s often a necklace or another accessory to turns my head and makes me smile. This is important: body-shopping isn’t about looking for something to criticize. People-watchers are known for their biting criticism or rude, whispered comments. When I body shop, there’s no room for Judge Judy, rather it’s more like channeling Paula Abdul from her early days on American Idol. Remember how Paula could always find something positive to say about someone, no matter how bad they saying or looked.
Body-shopping Rule #1: Compliment, never criticize!
Yesterday, a lady walks by wearing this phenomenal long, white summer dress. It was a chilly morning, so she layered it with white, cropped jean jacket, summer flip-flops and gold jewelry. My favorite part, she finished her look with a big smile. I’m a guaranteed train wreck waiting-to-happen when I wear white. Yet, this lady looked so lovely that I started to wonder what I could look like if I had such a dress. Sure, I’d have to send the day in a bubble only drinking clear pop or water, but it might be worth it!
As the lady walked by, I simply said: “Wow, I love your dress. It looks great on you.”
One of the most important rules of body-shopping is to let the person know that you love how something looks on her. Just compliment just one thing, though. Don’t be like “Oh, I love your dress. Wow, you’re shoes are amazing. What gorgeous eyes you have! Those earrings are just EVERYTHING!”
Unless you’re talking to your best friend, don’t do that. Don’t compliment everything. That’s creepy.
Body-shopping Rule #2: Find out where and how long ago it was purchased
I don’t know where she was heading to, but after my compliment, the lovely lady’s smile grew wider and she stopped. This is one of the great rewards of body-shopping: You can make people smile. Everyone loves a compliment, especially a genuine, unsolicited compliment.
Lovely dress lady told me that the dress was purchased for one of her favorite stores, which turned out to be one of my favorite stores, too! Which brings me to one of the next most important features of body-shopping: you must ask how long ago they acquired the item. Lucky for me, she mentioned that the dress was purchased just a few weeks ago. I’ve got plans to stop by the store later this week and I’ve got a gift card!
Sometimes, my body-shopping inquiry will be an item purchased long ago or a treasured hand-me-down. I’ve heard great stories over the years about jewelry bequeathed from a relative, a garage sale treasure or a special gift from a loved one. Not only do I love hearing those great stories, but it brings people such joy sharing them with me.
Body shopping Rule #3: Be affirming
Yesterday, I engaged in a little more body-shopping. A long-time friend wore sparkly eyeshadow as an eyeliner across her top eye lid. She looked amazing! Usually, sparkly eyeshadow is a Friday night weekend thing, but she wore a light-colored sparkle shadow as a thin liner that made her bright eyes even brighter on a Sunday morning. It was a perfect match her personality and style. So, here we go: Rule #1: I told her that her eyes looked amazing. She smiled big. Then, Rule #2: I asked there she purchased it from and when. She mentioned a company that I have been watching on Twitter for a few months, so I made the mental decision to check it out.
But this happened, too:
Me: “When you applied that eye shadow this morning, weren’t you just giddy? You knew that it looked fantastic, right?”
Super cute friend: “Really? Does it look that good? Like, I knew that I looked nice this morning, but I wasn’t sure.”
Me: “You look spectacular. That shadow highlights the sparkle already in your eyes!”
(Then, I asked her out for a date. Ha! No, I didn’t. Calm down.)
What happened here? I shared a compliment about something that I hoped that she already believed for herself. This particular lovely is a highly successful business woman who is smart and stylish. Yet, even those who look the most confident still need encouragement and affirmation. We should never build Our identities on the words of others. But, we should affirm and encourage each other, especially other women.
It’s always about connection…
As much as we hate to admit this: Humans judge people based on what they see. God looks at the heart, but He designed us with eyes that pay attention to facial expressions, postures, features and clothing styles. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what we do with is.
Here’s my thing: I people-watch with purpose. Body-shopping has opened the door to some pretty cool connecting moments over the years. I’ve made new friends, discovered mutual acquaintances and gotten some great inspiration for my own closet – all through just paying attention and using my voice to encourage another.
You can do this, too.
I CHALLENGE YOU: Try some body-shopping this week. Pay attention to the women around you and if you’re brave enough, engage in the body-shopping experience just once this week. If you’re an introvert, you can choose someone that you already know that feel comfortable with to start.
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