by Barb Roose | Aug 2, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Three tips to calm down, step back and not freak out when people act all funky around you.
by Barb Roose
photo credit: reachingutopia.com
Yesterday, my husband and I were eating breakfast. Actually, he was eating breakfast while I stared at his plate. I slowly sipped a half a cup of orange juice because I planned to do my yoga workout later that morning. If you’ve done yoga, you know that eating before a workout is an express ticket pass to nausea and in my case, vomiting.
Without any food to keep my mouth busy, I decided to strike up a conversation. Attempt #1:
ME: “How do you feel about the upcoming election?”
HUBBY: “I’m taking a break from the coverage.”
ME: “Oh.” Strike One.
I sipped my juice and looked down again at the newspaper searching for a new topic of conversation. There wasn’t much to work with. Conversation attempt #2: “Hey babe, the National Amateur Baseball Federation is going to be in town.”
And you thought that my life was more interesting that yours…
My husband quirked an eyebrow and I took that as a cue that he wanted to hear more. So, I read the entire list of the conventions that would be in our area. Still, no response. So, I made one last attempt “Did you see the new patents issued in the business section today?”
I kid you not. I actually said that.
Matt kept eating and listened patiently as I read the list of new patents given out and I can never get those lame two minutes back ever again. Afterward, he thanked me for breakfast and hustled upstairs leaving me at the dining room table to sulk. Here I was available for thrilling conversation on a Monday morning and it seems that my husband had better things to do. Of all the nerve!
As I sat at the dining room table as the only guest to my Monday Morning Pity Party, I churned on how hurt I was over the morning’s lack of conversation. Clearly, I cared my deeply about our relationship more than my hubby. Armed with sufficient indignation, I worked up more woe-is-me sentiments:
If he really cared about me, he would have…
I can’t believe that he…
Why am I the only one who…
My husband bounded down the steps less than 10 minutes later. He grabbed his keys and kissed me on the cheek. Turns out, he’d been pre-occupied at breakfast with a list of important tasks. His goal that morning was to get out the door to take care of business before heading to work.
Interesting. He was pre-occupied with something that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me.
And yet, I’d spent the last 15 minutes of my life making our morning interaction ALL ABOUT ME…
THE FOUR LETTERS THAT I NEED TO TATTOO SOMEWHERE ON MY BODY
Have you ever heard of the phrase Q-TIP? It stands for Quit Taking It Personally. I heard this phrase about a month ago and when I manage to remember it, this phrase quickly changes my outlook on negative relational situations.
There are times in life when we feel that others are out to make our lives miserable by their actions or their attitudes. The closer we are to the individual, the more painful their behavior feels. Here are some examples of times when we’re tempted to take things personally:
- The co-worker who is always rude when you ask her to cover your shift.
- The Facebook friend who keeps posting stupid videos about the candidate that she knows that you can’t stand.
- The sister or sibling who constantly gossips about you or your kids.
- The neighbor who borrowed $200 last summer and hasn’t paid you back yet.
- The family member who lies or steals from you because of an addiction.
- When your best friend is always, always late. Like always. All of the time. She couldn’t be on time even if time stood still.
REPEAT AFTER ME: THEIR RUDE, CARELESS OR BAD BEHAVIOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
I love this quote:
In these situations, our first thought that they are intentionally trying to hurt our feelings or ruin our day with their funky behavior. Therefore, we conclude that their funky-funkiness is 100% absolute, undeniable proof that they do not care about us like we care about them.
So, what happens next? We get funky right back! Unfriend. Unfollow. Block. Ignore. Blame. Retaliate. They hurt our feelings and so we’re going to hurt their back, right?
Here’s the reality: When someone acts like a jerk or unintentionally hurts you, he or she is acting based on their own stress, selfishness, anger or pain. It has nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with you.
How does Q-TIP help us? Here are three ways that remembering this phrase can change or your day – or even your life:
- “Q-TIP” reminds me not to jump to conclusions.
There is always a backstory to whatever people are saying or doing in front of us. As the popular saying goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Friends, we’re all slugging through life and we’re all doing the best that we can.
So, can we give people “grace and space.” If someone acts funky toward you, step back, stay calm and be silent. Hustle out of there if he or she has a track record of getting physically angry!
Wait for him or her to calm down and then, consider whether or not you need to speak up and address the situation.
Speak up because you respect yourself, not because you expect them to change or apologize.
2. “Q-TIP” reminds me that I don’t have to “feel their feelings.”
Oh, my sweet sisters! How many of us have messed up ourselves by getting too wrapped up in the lives of others? There’s a difference between holding someone’s hand for support versus being their emotional crutch. Honey, don’t let someone wear you out with her drama!
3. “Q-TIP” frees me to care about people, without having to control them.
We always get in trouble when we try to “fix” someone’s feelings. If we end up in a situation with someone who’s in a bad mood, let them be Mr. or Mrs. Grumpypants. Don’t try to talk them out of it. Why? Because they aren’t thinking about you in that moment, but they will turn on you because they’re looking for an outlet for their frustration. Don’t let it be you!
Thanks for checking out today’s post. I’d love for you to share a comment and tell me which one of these three Q-TIPS might be the most helpful for you? By the way, if you think that your friends might enjoy this post, use the share buttons at the top or bottom to pass it along!
by Barb Roose | Jul 18, 2016 | Reflections
My husband and I were talking about the events of the past few weeks. We've spent a lot of time parsing through the different shootings and political or media angles that Americans are struggling to understand.
During our conversation, it struck me that it takes A LOT for people of different races to actually be able to talk about race without getting angry or defensive. It is truly a hard thing to do. In our home, talking about race is complex. My husband is Caucasian and I’m African-American. We married only 25 years after Loving vs. Virginia (1967) legalized interracial marriage in all 50 states.
Richard and Mildred Loving and their children. A movie about their court case will release in Fall 2016.
My husband and I come from different backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. He grew up in a small, rural community and I was raised in a small town. Yet, we have to talk about race because it impacts our lives often. And not all of those conversations are easy. Some have been excruciatingly difficult.
I never set out to marry someone from a different race. I don’t think that my husband did either. Love happens, y’all. When we married, both sides of our families struggled with our union. And not just because of race. Also, because back then we were young, broke and expecting a child.
And one question persisted: “But what about your children?”
When I was in labor with my oldest child in 1992, our family held its collective breath. Not me. I needed to push a kid out. As I pushed, I also wondered whether we were having a boy or a girl. I also wondered if our baby would be light or dark. Which side of the melatonin gene pool would win?
When our child was born, skin-color took a backseat to love. For a short period of time. Our oldest daughter was the first grandchild on one side of the family and the first granddaughter on the other. Everyone fell in love at first sight.
We hoped that love would win out for good. It did for us. But not for everyone.
Raising our oldest opened our eyes to an entirely new experience with race. We still laugh about the time when my husband was out at the library with our oldest daughter. Someone asked him: “So, when did you get her?” It took my husband a few moments to realize that the person assumed that our daughter was adopted because of her latte-colored skin. My husband replied: "From the hospital."
When our middle daughter was born in 1995, her skin color was lighter than my very fair husband’s skin. It freaked me out. When I placed my hand next to hers, the stark contrast overwhelmed me. A fear settled into my heart: What if no one believes that she’s mine? What if someone tries to take her from me?
Top left: Our oldest daughter; bottom left: our youngest daughter and our middle daughter is on the right.
If she was lost in a store or sick, I worried that someone in authority would question whether or not I was her mother.
Embedded within that worry was the fear that someone would look at my child’s light skin and decide that based on my skin color that some other mother - a Caucasian mother - was better for my daughter.
Was my fear irrational or not? Well, if I had a dollar for all of the times that I was asked if she was my daughter, I’d own a lot more shoes! In fact, I actually carried a family photo in my wallet until my middle daughter started calling me, “Mommy.”
Our youngest daughter arrived in August 2000 after a difficult pregnancy. She was our miracle baby. We gave thanks that she came out healthy. I also gave thanks because she came out mocha like than me, albeit a shade lighter. I was surprised and relieved. Also, selfish. Finally, I birthed a kid that I didn’t have to worry that someone would question whether I was her mother.
My kids' skin and hair color created an unwelcomed spectacle. When they were toddlers, I didn't put them on display, but people felt comfortable making all kinds of comments.
Over the years, I heard all of the comments, "Oh, bi-racial children are just the cutest." I'd smile and thank them - then move it along before my kids became a sideshow attraction.
At other times I would be asked, "Wow, are all of these yours?" I'm not sure if you've ever been questioned about whether or not your child was yours, but it's an experience that you'll want to skip. Quick tip: If you aren't sure about whether or not someone's child is theirs or not, don't ask. Unless you see that kid on a "Missing Child" poster, it's actually none of your business. If curiosity is killing you, try offering, "Tell me about your family."
Being the mama of three bi-racial girls with three different types of hair textures was a challenge. We owned A LOT of hair product. And none of their hair was exactly like mine. Their dad's genes showed up and scared me. Talk about a learning curve! I did not realize that Caucasian hair tangled so easily. Those tangles were no joke! I spent too much of my life combing out tangles. I spent my childhood in braids and mom only had to wash my hair a few times a month. With three bi-racial kids and daily hairwashing, there was a lot of crying in my house. Mostly by me. One of my daughters was just a few seconds from getting her hair completely buzzed....
One of the toughest race-related conversations my husband and I had was over what race circle our kids would fill-in on standardized testing. Talk about lots of long conversations! When my oldest daughter began school, kids still had to choose one racial demographic. That was stressful! We didn’t want our girls to deny any part of who they were for any reason.
We considered our nation’s history with race and decided at that time that we never wanted our kids to deny the African-American part of them. So, we made the decision for her to fill-in the African-American circle.Thankfully, a few short years later testing demographics expanded and all three girls could fill-in “bi-racial.” Now that my kids are older, I navigate the positives and consequences of the decisions that we made for them long-ago.
Fast-forward a lifetime. Our oldest two daughters are adults and one is in high school. We've navigated all types of experiences in life. Some good. Some bad. Some heartbreaking. Some experiences are still filtering through...
My girls are walking their own journey with race. I’m sure that there are a few stories that they’ll tell us in the years to come. I ask myself: Did we talk about race enough?
I hope so. Probably not. Maybe...
But, I hope that we raised them to feel connected to both sides of their heritage. Did we? I think, but I also wonder if it was enough. As their parents, we did our best to put them in environments where they could make friends of all races. We live in an urban neighborhood and our kids’ private Christian school grew in diversity over the years. In fact, one of our girls had three besties in high school. This group of brilliant young women were called “The United Nations” because of their diversity – and one of the girls actually landed a scholarship because of her friendships with the other girls. I love that story!
It's the kind of story that gives me hope.
I’m praying that if we can’t figure out how to get ourselves out of this mess, maybe our children will see our mistakes and steer a path far away from our prejudice and racism.
Thanks for stopping by! Join the conversation in the comments. What suprised you about my story? What is your experience? Let's listen and respect each other in the comments.
by Barb Roose | Jul 7, 2016 | Reflections
One night, I walked into a neighborhood pub. As soon as the door closed behind me, an unknown voice yelled: “What’s that nigger doing in here?”
Was someone talking about me?
I stopped. The room silenced. An electric pause buzzed the air.
My mind calculated what I’d just heard. Then, a thought: Oh, I KNOW that he did not just say that to me.
Another moment passed. A volcano of rage started to bubble deep within. Let me take my shoes off. Earrings, too. Somebody – SOMEBODY, hold my purse.
That incident happened over 20 years ago, however, I remember it like yesterday. On that night, I walked in to enjoy some dinner. Except someone decided that I didn’t belong.
Not based on my personality,
Not based on my family background,
Not based on my ability to pay,
Not based on my company,
BUT based on my skin color, I was unacceptable.
I gazed around the room wondering if anyone would speak up or even say something – anything.
Silence.
So, what did I do?
I held my head high, glided through the hushed crowd and took my seat at the table. Yes, I did.
I suspect that some of you are questioning, “Was it really that bad?” or “Are you sure?” You’re shocked that those things could have happened to me.
But they did. In my early adult years, I learned how to ignore the sales staff that helicoptered while I shopped for shoes. I learned the importance of not messing with my purse while browsing merchandise. I embraced driving 10 miles UNDER the speed limit in certain communities – especially if I was driving at night.
Those situations never shocked me, but I hesitated to recount them because of the shocked-responses from others. Racism thrives in part because it shocks the majority into disbelief. I’ve heard responses such as:
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t believe it…”
“That can’t be!”
“Say it ain’t so!”
Unless you’ve been a direct victim or eyewitness of someone who’s experienced racism, stories about racism will always be shocking.
Yesterday, a cell phone camera captured police restraining an African-American man named Alton Sterling on the ground. Then, those same officers fatally shot Sterling while restraining him. Much of America is in shock. But, not those who’ve been wrestled to the ground like Sterling. Not those of us who’ve witnessed our fathers and brothers stopped for no reason, hassled or pulled from their cars. We’re not in shock. We’re a lot of things – angry and sad sums up a lot. It seems that each #shootingincident buries us deeper into the struggle over of the color of our skin and the fear that lurks within.
There’s nothing about our first-world mindset that wants to accept that racism could be just as pervasive as it was when men began wearing white sheets and Africans exited boats in chains. Apparently, we’re not as awesome as we think we are. Seriously, we discovered how to fly, found a vaccine for polio, developed a nuclear bomb, put a man on the moon, learned how to record on a VCR, taught Grandma how to use Facebook and elected a black man as president twice —
Yet, we can’t accept that racism is woven deeply into the fabric of our American experience.
In our mental model, racists hang out with murders or pedophiles. So, a racist couldn’t possibly be the fun neighbor up the street or the sales manager in your office. We don’t want to call someone a racist unless we can SEE them being racist.
But, how do we call out people who harbor racism in their hearts? Even more so, how do we call it out in ourselves?
You just thought that I called you racist. I didn’t. Only you can answer that. But, I do want you to consider how you’ve been impacted by the roots of racism in your family of origin.
What you believe about race is influenced by the generations of conversations and experiences that happened long before you were born. Your great-grandparents sat and around the table and talked about race. Your grandparents heard them. Your parents heard your grandparents. You listened to your parents. I’m not saying that you agreed with all that was said, but you’ve got to be aware of how those words and stories influenced your thoughts, feelings or behaviors.
Questions to consider:
- When you were a kid hanging out at family gatherings, how did your family talk about race or people from different races?
- Are there any race-related incidents in your family’s history that turned into stories that you were told as a child? How did those incidents impacted how your family lived?
- What are your operating stereotypes? (Asians are smart, black women are loud, black men are scary, white people are fake)
- What are some of the hot-button issues that you know would create tension if you discussed them with someone of another race? Why would those issues create tension?
- What would a friendship with someone from another race look like? (It would not be a true friendship unless you could talk about race.)
So, what now?
- Love must lead the way.
Some of you are tired of hearing people like me talk about ‘love.’ For you, love is for Valentine’s Day. Love is something that gets hot and heavy on Friday night. You don’t really believe that love is a potent power in our universe that can actually affect change. Maybe it’s because we really don’t know how to love. We’ve cheapened it and now, we think that the strategy of love has failed us. Except, our back-up plans of ignorance, hate and anger haven’t worked either.
I love Martin Luther King Jr’s vision for the future. He had hope because he believed in people. He believed in us! He knew that racism would never be eliminated by laws or lawsuits – even though he fought for legal and social justice. But Dr. King preached the same thing Jesus preached long ago: Unconditional love is the only road to the elimination of racism. Racism will die once our unconditional love for each other comes alive.
Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. Love is THE ONLY strategy that can save us from society-destructing ourselves. You’ve got to remove your limits on your love for people. Here’s the ultimate test for love: Decide now that you will lay down your life for another human, no matter their race or culture. When you decide to display that kind of love, then you carry the torch of hope for our tortured nation.
Check out Dr. King’s words:
“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”
2. Labels lie. Relationship reveals the truth.
Here’s the thing: We feed what we believe. As long as we believe that all black men might steal our purse or that all white people will stab us in the back, those lying labels will keep us far apart from each other. When we stop looking for evidence to feed our faulty beliefs, then we’ll be willing to open ourselves up.
What would it look like for you to develop a relationship with someone from another race? It’s more than having a “black friend at the office” or “having a white girl to roll with on Friday night.” It means that you get to know someone well enough that you can talk about the things that matter in life. It means that you can agree to disagree – still love each other. It means that you can come from different cultural or socioeconomic perspectives and still respect each other’s viewpoint, even though you may not completely understand it.
3. Start new conversations with your family
If you ever expect that future generations will move away from where we are today, then we have to give them a new target. Focusing them on the target of developing authentic relationships begins with authentic conversation.
How can you have new conversations with your kids or older family members? Consider this:
- Eliminate “them” and “they” when talking with your kids about race. Use actual names and tell personal stories when you talk with your kids about people from different races or cultures.
- Discover how race has impacted your family by talking with older members of your family. Start with the question: “What do you think about what happened to Alton Sterling?” Now, the tension reappears once they finish talking. How do you respond to their answer? Pastor Andy Stanley suggests these questions that you can ask without fear of offending: What led you to that viewpoint? Have you always believed this way?
- Can you promise me that you’ll memorize this verse before talking to ANYONE? Here it is: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” -James 1:19
Speaking out about race isn’t easy. Our experiences with race are just as personal as they are collective. So, thank you for stopping by and checking out this post. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we as individuals can be the light of hope in American’s dark night of racism. Please leave a comment below.
by Barb Roose | Jun 13, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
This post is for my Jesus-loving Christian friends out there.
As we mourn the horrific national tragedy in Orlando, I’m holding my breath.
Why?
#BecauseChristians
Y’all know what I mean. And y’all know who I mean.
It’s already painful enough to look at the faces of the victims and watch the anguished grief across their family members’ faces.
It’s already hard enough to watch politicians turn this tragedy into an election-season ping-pong match.
It’s already scary enough listening to pundits discuss whether or not we need to re-evaluate an our constitutional right to privacy.
Now, I’m holding my breath as Christians take to social media. And I’m praying, too. I’m praying that God will allow the Facebook accounts of stupid, hateful Christians to get hacked and shutdown. Yes, I mean that.
I hate that certain groups of Christians will show up in the public arena saying that they are there in Jesus’ name. Then, they will proceed to spew hate and try to pass it off as Jesus’ truth.
(I know that somebody out there right now wants to see my “salvation card.” Don’t worry. I’ve got it, honey.)
I get you, Holier-Than-Thou, Christian. I know how much you want to speak the “truth in love.”
I’m totally down with speaking the truth in love. But why do we treat truth like a giant sledgehammer and then dispense love like the size of a tiny bandaid?
Here’s what someone from the LGBT community wrote on social media:
“People got hurt. This isn’t the time to condemn them for sin YOU think they’re doing.”
News Flash: LGBT people already know our script. And they aren’t deaf, so they’ve heard us out there beating them with truth in love:
We’ve yelled it at them.
We’ve screamed it at them.
We’ve used it to kick them out of our families.
We’ve written it on our signs and picketed them.
Is it no wonder that this community is eager to shut the door in our faces? We’ve given them no reason to keep it open.
As I was praying this morning for the people who died and their families, God prompted me to stop praying and go read 1 Corinthians 13. Since it came to me out of the blue during prayer, I stopped opened my YouVersion app. I saw Paul’s words through the context of the Orlando tragedy.
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.
3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
As believers, God has endowed us with the revelation of who He is through His Spirit. Not only that, but we’ve been given super-naturally charged spiritual gifts to do great things in Jesus’ name. And we’ve been given the Great Commission to bring the eternity-changing message of Christ to all people.
Yet, Paul points out there just ONE ingredient in our super-natural secret sauce that determines whether or not we will be effective or ineffective.
LOVE.
Notice how often he repeats the qualifier “…but didn’t love others.” That phrase identifies the great eraser of all of the things that we set out to do in Jesus’ name.
Now, let’s not get coy with the word “love.” Don’t get twisted. God defines “love” for us in the next few verses:
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
This is the definition of love. This is hard love, y’all. This is the kind of love that I fail at often with my husband and kids. This is the kind of love that I struggle to show the people that I already know and like.
You know what else occurred to me while reading these verses: These verses also capture HOW we must bring “Tell the Truth in Love. “
Our famous “truth in love” phrase comes from Ephesians 4:15:
“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies that sound so cleaver they sound like the truth. Instead we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
Paul was talking to believers who needed to be wary of false prophets with in the church. “Truth in Love” is a fruit of our discipleship that shows our growing maturity in Christ.
Okay, let’s start putting this together:
First – oh, this is fun: The Greek word “truth” in Ephesians 4:15 and the word “truth” Jesus uses to describe himself in John 14:6 are from the same root word “alethes.”
Now, let’s think about this:
Who is the Truth? Jesus ((John 14:6)
Why did Jesus come? Because God so LOVED the world (John 3:16).
Jesus IS Truth IN Love.
Our opinions are not ‘truth in love.’
Our passionate pleas are not ‘truth in love.’
Our best intentions are most definitely not ‘truth in love.’
Jesus IS TRUTH IN LOVE.
And if we realize that Jesus IS Truth In Love, then we don’t have to worry about love watering down the truth. Love opens the door so that truth can come into dark and desperate places where both are needed.
Jesus came to sacrifice himself for us. He gave up his eternal home in heaven while we were still dirty, perverted, stinky, sin-ridden people (Romans 5:8).
And it was his love for us and obedience to God that took him to the cross. And by Jesus’ sacrifice we are healed and made whole (Isaiah 53:5)
So, out of love, God met our greatest spiritual need: eternal salvation. But, have we gotten so used to being clean and whole that we’ve forgotten who we once were in God’s eyes?
Yes. The answer is YES, doggone it!
We’ve forgotten that we are being saved everyday through sanctification – a fancy word for God’s continual work in us (Galatians 2:20, 2 Peter 3:18). Let’s not forget that God knows the crap that we’ve still got floating in our hearts, minds and lives, friends. Yet, as we grow in maturity, our ability to speak the Truth In Love, to show Jesus in our hearts, minds and lives grows every day, too.
And that becomes evident in our speech, our interactions and our ability to connect with people of all races, ages, cultures and yes, sexual identities.
But, Barb “they” don’t listen to us.
So, that’s where verse 7 comes in: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Unfortunately, the LGBTQ community isn’t going to be open to us for a long time. Why?
Because they don’t trust us. They don’t like us. They are afraid of us. Many hate us. And we’ve earned every single bit of it. So, we will keep bringing the Truth In Love for as long as it takes. We’ve caused a lot of pain and we’ve broken a lot of trust.
Remember, once upon a time, we treated God the same way. He didn’t give up on us. I don’t know about you, but I’m so thankful that God didn’t abandon me when I refused Him.
His condemnation didn’t bring me to the cross. It was His love that drew me to the cross. (Romans 2:4)
Friend, I know that you are uncomfortable. The “what-if’s” are closing in:
What if other Christians judge me for having someone from the LGBTQ community over to dinner? Will my friends wonder if I’m still a committed Christian?
If I’m hanging out with someone who believes differently from me, am I slack on my faith if I don’t do a full gospel presentation and altar call before dessert?
How can I know if my friends are truly committed to Christ if I see them hanging out with Muslim people or LGBTQ people?
So here are three words to remember: Live like Jesus.
Check this out:
Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) -Mark 2:15
So, all of the things that we’re worried about, Jesus did them. And he wasn’t worried about what other people thought. Also, notice how MANY people that we avoid were attracted to Jesus. Hmmm…
Jesus came to our sorry, pitiful, fallen world and he became Truth In Love for us.
For me.
For you.
For the people that we’re afraid of.
For the people that make us uncomfortable.
For the people who live differently that us.
Jesus didn’t shy away from people who needed love, not condemnation. He never shied away rom the truth.
But he always won people with love.
Thanks for reading,
by Barb Roose | Jun 7, 2016 | Uncategorized
Have you ever been caught in a raging summer storm? So scary! In Mark 6, Jesus’ disciples were caught in a storm that terrified them, too. Jesus showed up and spoke three phrases for us to remember when storms of life blow our way.
In Mark 6, Jesus and the disciples were out sharing the gospel. Ministry work can take a long time, so they ended up feeding 5,000 people with a young boy’s lunch of five loaves and two fishes.
I always wondered how the young man answered when his mom asked, “Honey, did you eat all of your lunch today?”
Afterward, Jesus told the disciples to meet him across the lake while he stayed behind to say good-bye to the crowds. The disciples got into their boat and began to row. However, as they reached the middle of the lake a fierce storm kicked up on the water. Quickly, their lives were in peril.
I’ve been on five cruises – and I always get sea sick. In fact, if I don’t wear Seabands and take oral medicine, it won’t take long before I toss my beloved cookies all over the place. #TMI
It was even worse for the disciples in their boat. Can you imagine their grim faces or hear their pounding heartbeats? Picture them shouting as they struggled to hold onto their slippery wet oars and row against the pounding waves. Can you see their battered boat slamming back and forth like a little ball between paddle-shaped waves.
It was in the middle of this chaos that Jesus shows up. Walking on the water.
NBD.
Funny, Jesus knew how to get their attention.
Furthermore, Mark 6:48 actually says, “He intended to go past them…” But, when the disciples saw Jesus, they freaked out. They forget about their current situation and yelled for help. Save us, Jesus! We’re going to die out here!
Jesus responded with the following three statements in Mark 6:50: Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I’m here!
These three statements tell us about how Jesus shows up during the storms in our lives. He doesn’t stand at a distance shouting, “Yikes, that’s a hot mess. Good luck with that.”
Jesus comes and climbs into our chaos with us. Most of all, he brings peace in the midst of our storm.
Is there a stormy place in your life today where Jesus is speaking those words to you?
The storms in our lives are just as real as what the disciples faced that day. This is hard to hear but God allows dark, painful and devastating storms in our lives. All of us. What’s your storm? Infertility. Abandonment. Depression. Financial Issues, Marriage Struggles. Divorce. Infidelity. Wayward kids. Addiction. Illness. Grief. Death. Heartache. Singleness. Shame. Abuse. Bullying. Or something else…
Some of us have been rowing through angry, crashing waves for a long time – and we’re tired.
Jesus, please make this go away…
I’m tired, Jesus. I don’t know if I can keep going…
Save me, Jesus. Oh, please save me…
We’re all in the same boat, sisters. There is always a storm brewing, raging or dying down in our lives. That is the painful rhythm of our fallen world.
But, we are never alone. Jesus shows up in our chaotic lives and whispers:
“Don’t be afraid. I know that it’s bad, but keep your eyes on me. You don’t have to figure it all out or fix it. Focus on me. I know what you need and I can give you peace.”
“Take courage, honey. You can do hard things because I will uphold and strengthen you. You will endure because I live within you and my Spirit gives you power to persevere.
“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. Others may have abandoned you, failed you or left you alone standing at the curb. But, I’m here right beside you. Always.”
You are never alone.
SHARE YOUR COMMENT BELOW: Which one of Jesus’ three statements did you need to hear today?
Thank you for checking out this post. If you think that it will encourage another woman in your life, feel free to share it!
by Barb Roose | May 15, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Before I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I knew that I was struggling.
Even as my eyes remained closed, I felt the shadow of the dark cloud hovering over me. I struggled against some leaded, emotional weight pushing deep into my heart causing an ache that I couldn’t figure out.
I’m no Debbie Downer. Unless someone throws a spider at me or swipes the last cookie, I’m generally in a good mood. But, not always. Like you, there are times in life when I feel down.
Last Monday was one of those down days.
I felt as if my joy had been snatched away. My energy was MIA, too. Overnight, my mojo became a no-go.
Am I depressed?
Seven years ago, I endured a year-long struggle with depression and anger. At first, I went to counseling. Then, my wise family doctor suggested medicine. Yes, Lord! The combination of counseling and an antidepressant restored my mental wellness and clarity. I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without mental health and medical intervention.
So, last week I wondered if I was experiencing some early depression. I wasn’t bothered by the thought, especially since I knew where to find help. (By the way, here’s a tremendous article on anxiety and depression.)
As I pondered that question, I forced myself out of bed to start my morning routine. I still hoped that the solution to my sadness was simply explained.
I ate breakfast. Didn’t help.
I worked out. And I cried during my workout. Not good.
I engaged in my daily bible reading. Always helpful. But…
My sadness clung to me like a two-year toddler who doesn’t want to go to daycare.
Next, I went for a prayer walk. I ended up at the art museum in my neighborhood. There’s a beautiful sculpture garden in front of the museum that features large works of art with aromatic flower gardens all around.
As I stood in the sculpture garden, I begged God to lift my sadness.
God, if you can’t lift my sadness, PLEASE let me feel Your presence.
I spent about an hour walking among the flowers and laying atop a giant tire swing looking at the blue sky. Yet, streaming tears still flowed down my face.
The heaviness refused to go away. But, God was there with me.
Have you ever felt your joy just disappear?
Often, we can point to certain life circumstances that shift us from happy into sadness. Financial issues. Relationship conflict. Job drama. Rebellious kids. Lack of sleep. Medical issues. Any one or two of those rain down on our lives and we’re not surprised when we feel a little down.
Our usual strategy for dealing with our sadness includes the “four big binges”:
Binge eating
Binge watching
Binge drinking
Binge sleeping
When we’re feeling bad, it’s easy to overdo things that are bad for us. No judgement here. I’ve done it, too. But, there’s a truth that we cannot ignore: Over-doing anything on the binge list will undermine your mental and physical health.
“It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not safe to stay there.”
This is something that we say at our church often. Why? Because no one is perfect and we all struggle. However, struggle isn’t an excuse to sit and do nothing.
Taking care of yourself is an action and it doesn’t happen by accident. Your life matters and no one else can take care of you, but you!
Repeat after me: When I’m feeling my worst, I must care for myself the BEST!
For me, that means that I must be extra kind to myself. So, I followed this “Take Care of Me” plan on that difficult Monday:
I didn’t punish myself for having a bad day. No negative self-talk!
I ate healthy foods and stayed away from unhealthy foods that I would regret later.
I soaked in the bathtub and used all of my favorite bath salts and scrubs.
I listened to music and read books that were good for my heart, mind and soul.
Conclusion…
While my sad mood persisted, I felt good about taking care of myself. The next morning I reached out to a few close friends for support. I knew that if my sadness continued for a week that I’d get some medical help. NOTE: If you’ve been sad and feeling at a loss for more than two weeks, you NEED to call your healthcare provider.
For the next couple of days, I kept taking care of myself. Eventually, the dark cloud lifted and I know that intentional, active self-care made a HUGE difference.
TELL ME! How do you take care of yourself when you’re feeling down? Share your comments and help another woman out there! Share this post with your friends, too!
A FREE GIFT FOR YOU!
I’ve created a webpage with a list of 101 Ways for You to Care For Yourself. If you struggle with self-care, print this list and commit to doing at least five things on this list per day.
Thanks to the ladies on my Enough Already Launch Team for helping me brainstorm the list!
by Barb Roose | May 5, 2016 | Uncategorized
Maybe no one has ever told you this before, but it’s good to grieve the dreams that never will be.
Almost 10 years ago, my Christian counselor taught me the importance of having ‘funerals’ for the dreams or expectations that were never going to be. I get real messed up when I hold onto certain expectations or hopes in life. As the Proverbs say, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” That can be so true for me! So, in order for me to live in God’s plan for my life, I have to practice letting go of my plans. But, it’s hard to let unrealized hopes and dreams die. That’s why “funerals” are an important ritual in my life.
Once a year or so, I take an afternoon and head down to my favorite spot at a local park overlooking the river and have a funeral for my lost dreams. I bring a blanket to sit on, my bible and lots of tissues!
I spend time with God acknowledging those things that will never be. I really wanted those dreams to come true! But they didn’t. So this is my funeral prayer:
“I dreamed that (insert dream) but that dream isn’t going to come true. I really wanted it God! And it hurts, but I need to let that dream die. I need to mourn it and move it out of my heart so that You can fill the space with a new thing for me.”
When we don’t grieve our lost dreams or unfulfilled expectations, our hearts get cluttered and chaotic.
Surrender is the path to peace.
God has great plans for you, my friends!
You have permission to bravely let go – and wait confidently for God to plant His new dream in your heart!
TALK BACK TIME: Have you let go of a dream and God gave you a new one? If so, share your comments with us and encourage someone today! We’d love to hear from you!
by Barb Roose | May 2, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Last week, someone posted a message to me on Facebook. I think that it was a misunderstanding, but when I read the message, I went “WHOA! What’s THIS?!” My eyes got real big and I re-read the message from a fellow believer. Someone who loved Jesus just like I do. However, the words I read felt like a slap across my face. And I got mad!
My first thought was: Oh-no-you-did-n’t!
Fast as lightening, I started typing back. My fingers flew over my keyboard as I clicked out a polite, yet sharp rebuttal. My heart felt like she did me wrong and I wanted to show her who was right!
The more I typed, the more I got more riled up. As I paused to read my brilliant response, I felt my spirit stir. I believe that it was the Holy Spirit that whispered, Stop. Delete.
Umm, I’ve got some good stuff here.
Delete.
I sighed and clicked delete. I sat and stewed in my hurt. Then, I tried to come up with another way around the Spirit’s leading. No dice. So, I bravely engaged in a little rumble with myself. If you’ve read Brene Brown’s Rising Strong, she talks about having the courage to “rumble” with difficult emotions. My rumble revealed that my pride was hurt. Simple as that. I was offended and I wanted to strike back.
The old saying remains the same: Two wrongs don’t make a right. If I would have sent that note, I wouldn’t have sent it the note in love. I would have sent it to prove that I was right.
(And if I proved that I was right, maybe my feelings wouldn’t be so hurt.)
Striking back just strikes another match by the gas can. How many relationships have we blown up over hurt feelings or hurt pride?
So, I had to sit there in my discomfort and let the bad feelings pass. Man, that was hard. Later, I sent a different response, thanking the individual for the comment and suggestion. It was hard, but God is ALWAYS teaching me humility!
The greatest commodity that we have is LOVE. It’s the currency that God requires us to share with the world. The coins of God’s love are kindness, respect and generosity. That’s why the following scripture is so powerful:
If someone says, "I love God" but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don't love the people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?' -1 John 4:20
The Greek word “hate” in this verse is miseo, which means to detest or love less. Yikes! Love is the one way that we can show the world that we are different. These days, Christians are working so hard to show the world that they are right, but we struggle to love toward each other.
Friends, if we mess this up, we might as cancel weekend services, shut up and go home.
While there’s a lot of things happening in our culture that swing far from God’s intentions, why do we think the world will be attracted to the gospel if we can’t be kind to each other? I know that the recent Target news is shocking, but ask yourself whether or not your posts and comments build a bridge for the gospel or put up barriers? When believers are fighting with each other, unbelievers see it and shake their heads. How can our world believe that God’s love can transform them if they can’t see the evidence in us?
Practically speaking, how do we do this? Here’s a verse that I’ve been meditating on a lot lately:
"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." -James 1:9
Question: Who’s usually quick to speak and slow to listen? (You should know that my hand is in the air…)
I’m not always a great listener and I can be Usain Bolt-fast with a reply. Yet, to love people means that I need to HEAR their words and hear their heart. How about you? How does this verse challenge you today?
So a quick temperature check for all of us:
Is there another believer that you need to forgive?
Is there another believer that you need to call and apologize to for something you’ve said?
Is there another believer that you need to reach out and help because he or she needs it?
How can you love others better today?
by Barb Roose | Apr 14, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Earlier this week I received the newest issue of Weight Watcher’s Magazine. I receive the subscription because a lady showed up at my door last summer. She had eight kids and selling magazines was her first legit job after a lifetime trapped in drugs and prostitution. While I’m normally a skeptic when I hear such stories, there was something about this woman that made me want to cheer for her. So, I bought a subscription.
As I looked at the cover of this month’s issue, I saw a picture of Oprah, who was sharing her newest favorite workout. My eye wandered and saw “101 Ways to Appreciate Food and Fun.” Then, I saw this headline:
“11 Incredible Women BARE ALL: A Weight Watchers First!”
Normally naked women appeared in magazines that arrive in doorsteps in brown paper bags. But, Weight Watchers must have felt adding the word “incredible” somehow justified the word “naked” hanging out next to it.
This got me to wondering: If these women are incredible, then why do they need to be naked? Why are they more incredible without clothes?
Has Weight Watchers has joined “The Naked Bandwagon”?
Yes, there is a naked bandwagon and it’s been around for a long time. You just haven’t seen it in your neighborhood. It mainly circled Hollywood, music, and advertising. Unlike the X-rated adult industry, The Naked Bandwagon insists on portraying coyly-positioned bodies with innocent smiles all covered under the cry of empowerment.
These days, there’s one celebrity most often associated with The Naked Bandwagon. Her recent clothing-free photo garnered over 200,000 shares on social media. While she’s made millions as a reality television star and businesswoman, she’s been deeply impacted by the harsh comments of others:
“I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world.”
It appears that her naked photos are her way of flipping off haters who’ve viciously body-shamed her over the years.
Yes, there are a lot of horrible people on social media. We should seriously consider making people prove they are responsible enough to use Facebook or Twitter, like making them get a social media learner’s permit. Women are bullied, shamed, critiqued and condemned for their size, shape or style on a regular basis.
It’s no wonder that women are banding together and pushing back.
Now, The Naked Bandwagon is rolling into middle America. The Naked Bandwagon champions want you to believe that posing nude will give you power over your sense of inadequacy. So, if you post a naked photo, then you’ll have the last say over everyone who might have called you “fat,” “ugly” or commented “At least you’ve got a pretty face.”
Sticks and stones may break our bones and shaming names can cut us deep.
Naked or not, we’ve got three big problems:
1. We don’t like ourselves as we are.
2. We don’t feel comfortable in the skin that we’re in.
3. We worry way too much about what other people think.
I’m not immune to those three problems. I spent far too man years comparing myself to other women and I never felt like I measured up. There was always someone who was “more” than me. Every time I didn’t feel that I measured up, I would put myself down.
“If you think like a throwaway person, you’ll act like a throwaway person.”
–Lysa TerKeurst
You can be sure that for whatever area of your life that you feel less than, you treat yourself horribly in that area.
If you don’t like your body, then you’ll treat your body like you don’t like it.
Hate your smile? You probably won’t smile much.
Don’t think that you make good decisions? Then, you probably letting other people tell you what to think or influence how you act?
While I like the idea of women’s empowerment as it pertains to how we cheer each other on in life, empowerment isn’t enough to create a all-important foundation for our identity.
Everyone wants to have power. When we feel empowered, then we don’t feel at-risk.
But, the quality of our power depends on its source. That’s why I like the following verse:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” -2 Timothy 1:6
There was a pastor in the New Testament named Paul. He sent a letter to his protégé Timothy to encourage the young man to boldly live out the call on his life. Paul references Timothy’s mother and grandmother as women of great faith and calls Timothy to that same conviction. I love that Paul highlights these women, who lived in a time when women were not often respected.
Imagine what would have happened if Timothy’s mother (Eunice) and grandmother (Lois) spent their days in fear of what others’ thought? Instead, these women knew that their empowerment to live their convictions came from God himself. That’s real empowerment!
These women were energized by God’s lavish love, the power of the Holy Spirit and the ability to patiently endure whatever came their way. While these women lived in a world that was not “for them,” they thrived because of their divine connection to an endless source of power.
For my fellow sisters in Christ, hear me on this: You’ve already got the power.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the fear that you aren’t enough as you are.
In Jesus’ name, you’ve been freed from the shame of whatever happened in your past, whether it was forced on you or you did it to yourself.
By the power of the Holy Spirit living within you, there is no more need for shrink back or live small. God’s calling you to live BIG for Him. Honey, you can’t wait around for others to give you approval.
Stop waiting for people to give you self-worth. You are worthy because you are God’s precious daughter.
Now, live like it…with your clothes on.
REFERENCES:
1-Weight Watchers May/June 2016
2- http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/kim-kardashians-naked-selfie-is-now-a-mural-in-australia-w167359
by Barb Roose | Feb 10, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Scripture Devotional
Here’s a question that I’ve been asked many times over the years, but I’ve never had an answer for it:
“What are you giving up for Lent?”
To tell you the truth, I’ve never celebrated Lent. I grew up in the Baptist (meaning black Baptist – the clapping, shouting and gospel wing of the Baptist folks). My family also spent a few years in a Pentacostal church, too. In short, I grew up “Bapti-cost.”
In fact, I didn’t know anything about Lent until I attended junior high school. Classmates would disappear mid-morning on some random Wednesday in February. Now, during my growing years, the pastors talked A LOT about the rapture. Anytime I couldn’t find someone, I tended to get a little nervous…
Anywho, those classmates returned around lunchtime with a dark smudge on their forehead and with a solemn look on their face. It took me FOREVER to work up the nerve to point and ask, “So, what’s going on that?”
Back in the day, this is all my friends told me:
- We can’t eat meat on Fridays.
- We have to give up something that we really like.*
For my classmates, Lent drilled down to a long, miserable season of “I can’t…”
What are you planning to give up this year for Lent? Are you excited or are you dreading it?
photo credit: http://wellness.nifs.org
Is that how you feel about Lent? Are you now trapped in 40 days of “I can’t…”?
While I may not share your Lenten experiences, I regularly observe the spiritual discipline of fasting. When you think about it, Lent is just an organized, formalized expression of fasting. And as one who fasts, I share your “I can’t” Lenten struggles.
We HATE voluntarily saying “no” to something that we always say “yes” to. There’s a loud voice inside of our heads that objects to voluntary self-restraint. As soon as we make our Lenten or fasting commitment, we think that we’ll die without the thing we’re giving up. Maybe not die, but we’re going to be so miserable! If we’re being honest, we’re a little miffed at God for making us into give up stuff. Like it’s His fault that we have to do it. And, when people ask what we’re giving up, how often do we share our hostage-like sacrifice with a little sigh:
“I can’t have chocolate.”
“I can’t go shopping.”
“I can’t be on Facebook.”
“I can’t go out on Friday nights.”
Whatever comes after “I can’t” is often an indicator of what we love and value a little more than God. I’m not saying that you love chocolate more than God, but do you love indulging yourself over showing self-restraint? You may not love television more than God, but how often does television or the Internet hijack your prayer or Bible study?
What we sacrifice often reveals our spiritual struggle.
Recently, my church finished a 28-day fast in January. I decided that I would give up desserts. I LOVE DESSERT. Love, love, love, love, love dessert.
Guess what? As soon as I said that I would give up dessert, I got mad that I wouldn’t be able to have dessert. Pitiful, I know. Dessert really isn’t any big deal, but my first-world heart has become accustomed to having whatever it wants. I don’t like to eat one cookie. I like to eat lots of cookies. If you ever offer me a cookie, I hope you have a few more just in case…
Lent and fasting are all about teaching our hearts and minds to submit to God’s way of life in us. When we choose to give up something that we love for a season, we give ourselves space to strategically practice submitting to God. The more we practice submission, the less we feel terrorized by the pressure of our internal wants and desires.
Here’s a great question to ask yourself: What becomes possible when we give up something for Lent?**
Instead of focusing on the “I can’t…” of Lent or fasting, we have the incredible opportunity to transform our thinking into “I can connect…”
Think about what you’ve chosen to give up. What if during the next 40 days, you gave God that space and let Him fill it? What if the absence of that thing actually filled you with more time to connect more with God or others? Imagine the possibilities!
When I gave up desserts, each time I felt a desire for dessert, I made the choice to connect with God. I changed careers in January, so I needed to pray more. I faced some tremendous personal challenges as of late, so I needed more of God’s wisdom and peace.
Instead of looking for comfort from a sugary, creamy treat, I chose to find comfort in God. So, I prayed A LOT in January…and I lost quite a few pounds, too!
In giving up something that I loved, I gained something that I needed most: God.
What are you giving up for Lent this year? Instead of focusing on “I can’t” during this Lenten’s season, what opportunities do you have to connect with God or your family and friends more during this season? Share your Lenten memories and your suggestions that might help others in the comments.
Thanks for stopping by! If you’ve like to read more stuff like this, make sure to subscribe to barbroose.com at the top of the page. I’d love encourage you and stay in touch! Feel free to share this post with your friends – just use the share buttons at the top!
References:
- http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/news/2004/lent.html
- This question was inspired by a similar question that leadership guru, Michael Hyatt often asks when individuals are struggling or suffering through hardship.
by Barb Roose | Jan 28, 2016 | Reflections, Women's Topics
Barbie’s back with a new look and style. But will it make a difference?
As a kid, my friend knew never to call me “Barbie.” In fact, anyone who did call me by that horrible name got a push or a shove in reply. While I shared a similar name to the celebrated doll, I spent my childhood burdened by the fact that I didn’t look anything like the Barbie dolls I played with each day.
I’ve lived my life in the shadow of that manufactured creature known for her flawless perfection and radiant beauty. Little girls everywhere adored the 11 ½” plastic doll with an creamy white skin, anatomically impossible skinny waist, long blonde hair, freakishly long eye lashes and an enviable arched foot. With her perfect smile and innocent gaze, Barbie taunted me during my childhood.
As an adult, I know that just because I share a name with Barbie, that doesn’t mean that I should look like her. But, decades ago, that little brown-skinned me with pop-bottle glasses and two-large front teeth didn’t know any better. So, I would stare at my perfect, blond Barbie doll and feel less than.
On January 28 Mattel released a new line of Barbie’s with different body types and sizes. Which one would you choose? photo credit: mashable.com
During playtime, my cousins and I would dress our Barbie dolls in those luxurious, shiny gowns with the Velcro zippers and plastic stiletto heels. We dreamed that our superfly-looking dolls had high-paying jobs and lived in the palatial Barbie Mansion. Our Barbies did have Ken for a husband, but we didn’t actually have the money to buy Ken, so we always said that he was out of town.
Barbara, you don’t look like Barbie…
At some point while we played, one of the cousins or friends would point out the obvious: I didn’t look like Barbie, even though my name was Barbara. And I would nod my head and agree. I was a little, girl with a big name who didn’t look anything like the beautiful doll resting in her hand.
So, a particular narrative began to take shape in my little girl mind: “Since I don’t look like the pretty Barbie dolls, then I cannot be pretty. If I am not pretty, then I should not dream of all of the things that pretty little girls should dream about.”
For years, I pretended not to care about the fact that I wasn’t pretty because I didn’t look like those Barbie dolls. I decided to be smart instead. And I was. I wore my glasses and I made good grades.
But, I wanted to feel beautiful. Like Barbie.
Recently, Mattel announced the biggest change in Barbie’s 57-year history. After a half-century of predominately blond-hair, blue eye dolls, Barbie’s back…it might even be appropriate to say that in some cases, Barbie’s got back.
I found a Barbie that looked like me…not really, but she looks a lot more like me than my childhood Barbie’s ever did. photo credit: mashable.com
Now, Barbie will come with three different body types: petite, tall and curvy. Not only that, but curvy Barbie will truly be curvy with a little tummy in the front and a little junk in the trunk. And, when you see the side-by-side comparison of original Barbie and curvy Barbie, it’s shocking!
But, will it actually translate as a positive step to improving little girls’ self-image? What happens when a little girl has a skinny Barbie and a curvy Barbie, yet only has clothes for skinny Barbie? Mattel is actually setting up a call line to help parents navigate some of the new complexities of dressing curvy Barbie. Sometimes, her clothes don’t slide easily over her hips and thighs. Talk about art imitating life!
There are concerns that “curvy” Barbie might end up being branded as “fat” Barbie, creating some potentially awkward moments at Christmas or at birthday parties. Will a little girl want to receive curvy Barbie, even if she’s a curvy little girl? It will be interesting to see how parents and Mattel navigate this issue. Is it possible that for us to teach our kids how to do this even if we haven’t figure it out yet?
Yet, for all of the questions about the new line of Barbie dolls, I applaud Mattel for doing something! While previous generations of women sort through what I like to call our “Barbie baggage,” I’m thrilled that today’s young girls have a choice about the kind of Barbie they want to play and dream with each day.
As for me, I made peace with sharing Barbie’s name years ago. In fact, I’ve learned how to embrace it and have fun with it.
These days, my social media hastag is #TallbrownBarbie.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Do you think that the new curvy Barbie will be embraced by young girls? How would you talk with a little girl who prefers skinny or petite Barbie over curvy Barbie – or would you just let her figure it out?
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by Barb Roose | Nov 28, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
First, “srsly” isn’t a typo, just my lame attempt at being clever – especially since this blog title might be a little jarring for some. Trust me, what you’re about to read is ALL GOOD. It’s 100% goodness up in here.
And yes, after almost 14 years, I’ll be leaving my full-time staff position at CedarCreek Church. My eyes get a little cloudy just a bit looking at that last sentence. Okay, deep breaths. (That’s for me, not you – ha!). If you haven’t seen my “ThankFULL” message at CedarCreek this weekend, you might want to check it because I’m talking about my exciting news during the talk. So, I decided to share this post and some pictures of just a few memories that I’ve had over the years.
I know that there are folks scratching-n-sniffing for some type of secret story or conspiracy. If you’re looking for some kind of “What-aren’t-they-telling-us” story about my departure, you’re going to be disappointed. Friends, here’s the real story:
- The reality is that I’ve been working TWO great jobs for the past year – my full-time Creek job and my hobby-turned-calling as an author. I’ve been trying to do both and frankly, by August I realized that I wasn’t doing either of them as well as they needed to be done. Both roles needed 100% and since there is only one me, it was time to let one go.
- My decision was driven by the need to focus on the ONE thing – connecting with women. My main thing will be speaking – whether at MOPS groups, churches or conferences. Here’s how it works: the goal of speaking is to inspire women to connect with Jesus’ heart and direction on a particular topic. After the talk, books equip women to learn, understand and apply what inspired them during the talk. If I truly want to connect with women for the long-haul, it starts with speaking. While the elders were generous with their permission for me to speak, the truth is that the speaking side of life takes more time than I have available.
- Change is hard, but I’m really excited! Ben’s excited, too. Okay, it took him a few minutes after I told him the news, but he’s been leading the “Go-Barb!” cheer. The elders are excited, too. One of my greatest encouragements was that CedarCreek Founding Pastor, Lee Powell, wrote a great reference for me to share with new churches who have no idea who I am. His words blessed me and I am so grateful for them.
I mustache you a question? Ha! One of our videographers noticed my mustache while editing a video for an April 2014 weekend message. Lots of laughs on this one!
“What’s next for you, Barb?”
Let me start with what’s NOT next. First, you’ll want to scrub any mental images of me rolling around in piles of $$$ like authors, J.K. Rowling or Jodi Piccault. I’m a newly published Christian author who’s still learning the ropes. I’m not leaving my staff job because I’ve sold tons of books. Truth is, I haven’t sold tons of books, but I’m working on it. One of these days, it would be cool to join a speaking tour like Women of Faith (WOF) but I’m looking forward to wherever God sends me to speak. (This is fun: Later this week, I am writing a blog for the WOF newsletter, but they really have no idea who I am – ha!)
All I know for sure is that God is calling me toward a new direction in this season of my life.
So, what IS next? I’ll be in full-time ministry as a Christian women’s speaker and author. I have a number of speaking events lined up for early 2016. I love speaking. If you’d like to see where I’ll be speaking for the next few months, check out barbroose.com/speaking. Feel free to share up this link with friends at other churches who are connected to their women’s ministry. (Make sure to tell them that you know me so I’m not just some random black woman with a big smile sitting in their inbox.)
I’ll also be writing. Lot’s of writing. I need to become a much better writer and that will take time and hard work. There are some writing projects in 2016 that I’m looking forward to diving into as well.
Also, I’ll be speaking a couple of times in the coming year at CedarCreek. Ben asked if I wanted to still speak occasionally and I was like “FO’ SHO!” I appreciated the ask and I’m looking forward to it. I’m actually scheduled for a date in February and looking forward to it! (By the way, our family will still be attending the Creek…)
Finally, I’ll be working on building new relationships with other Christian women speakers and authors and I’ve got a chance to explore some new ways to connect with women.
Where is all began! Here’s my first beauty talk at our CedarCreek MOPS group in 2010.
Are you scared?
Honey, they don’t call it a “leap of faith” for nothing! I’m running toward the edge of the great unknown and the only thing I can do is tuck my knees under and fold my hands to pray that God keeps me from falling.
Am I scared? YES! I’m leaving a great job that makes a difference in our world. I’m leaving a group of people who been like family to me for over a decade. I’m leaving a good salary complete with great healthcare and a retirement plan. Scared? HECK YEAH! And, every now and I ask myself: “Are you crazy?”
Yet, I feel that God is calling me to open my hands and trust whatever He will put in them or even, take away.
My concerns and worries aren’t anything special – and not even significant. Fact is, there are Christians all over the world putting their VERY BREATH AND LIFE on the line for the Gospel. So, while there are practical things in my life that are real concerns, I’m aware of how insignificant those things are in the light of eternity.
Leaving the comfort of the USA to go on short-term missions changed my life. Sure, I helped build a few houses, but the relationships that I’ve developed have changed my life. I’m looking forward to continuing those relationships with my friends in Latin America. Mi familia!
Over the last 14 years as a staffer and 19 years as a CedarCreek attendee, I’ve seen thousands of lives changed and transformed for eternity. What would be scary was if I was leaving my Creek job and cutting myself off from opportunities to help others discover life transformative power of Christ.
I have no idea how God will use my life, but I’m going to open my hands and let God put in or take away according to His plan. Just so you know, that last sentence was tough to write because I’ve been alive long enough to know that some of what will go in and what will come out will hurt – even devastate me at times. Yet, on the same note, God will also overflow my heart with peace, joy and fulfillment. My main job is to trust that God will be faithful and good in both sets of circumstances.
Oh, Hanz and Frieda! In late December 2014, I spent an afternoon stuffed full of foam, wore a blond wig with fake eyelashes and pedaled a bike in high-heeled boots. Just another day at the office – ha!
“What do you need? How can we pray for you?”
I’m so glad that you asked! I’m not shy, so here’s a list:
- Pray for FOCUS. I want to travel in the lane God created for me. I’m not trying to be Lysa TerKeurst, Priscilla Shirer or the other amazing women that do what I do. I want to focus on God to see the direction where He calls me to do.
- Pray for NEW CONNECTIONS. I know that God has given me a message for women that can transform their lives. I’m praying for opportunities to share this message wherever God would lead – even if it’s out of my comfort zone.
- Pray for PROVISION. There are some specific things that I am praying about for 2016, mainly speaker and writer development and leadership mentoring that I’d like to participate in this year. Pray that God will provide according to His plan for me. (By the way, I’d challenge you to create your own “getting-better” wish list. My “wish list” is at the bottom.
- Pray for FAMILY. Transition can be tough. No complaints, friends. I totally get that people have it much worse than Casa de Roose. Still, we’re navigating all of the relationship and economic issues that come with transitions. On top of that, my oldest daughter leaves for South Korea in two weeks for her first assignment after graduating from West Point. Pray that our dependence will be on God and that we choose to live with ThankFULL hearts at all times.
Thank you for checking out my exciting news! Again, I’d like to thank everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging to me. I’ve been so very blessed by all of you.
MY 2016 DEVELOPMENT WISH LIST (click on the titles to find out more about these)
She Speaks Conference hosted by P31.org and Lysa TerKeurst) – if you are a Christian woman and you want to speak/write for an audience, THIS IS THE CONFERENCE! I’ve been twice and it’s amazing!
The Storyline Conference hosted by Donald Miller
Catalyst Conference (either two-day or one-day event)
Global Leadership Summit hosted by WillowCreek Church
Truth@Work Roundtables
Books-n-Such Literary Agency Retreat – hosted by my literary agency for the writers.
