Which door would you choose?

Which door would you choose?

This is one of my most favorite videos ever! 

Here's what happened with the Dove Campaign set up as an experiment at shopping areas in different cities around the world. Women had to choose which door they would walk through. This powerful video captures not only their choices, but some of their comments as well. If you've ever struggled with how you see yourself, please take a few minutes and watch!

Did you change your mind after watching the video?

Over the years, I've noticed that Christian women loathe to admit that they have "an ugly struggle with beauty." For some reason, we think that God only cares about our hearts, but we forget that He created our bodies as well. When we call ourselves "fat," "ugly," or "not enough," God cares about that pain in our lives as well.

If you've been struggling with what you see in the mirror, God has a lot of beautiful truth that YOU need to know! Check out my Beautiful Already Bible Study. Click the photo to find out more!

I have facilitated this wonderful study for 4 groups of women, and it is LIFE CHANGING! Great for all ages of women including teen girls!

-Amazon Reviewer

April 2017

Will Losing 25 Pounds Really Make You Happy?

Will Losing 25 Pounds Really Make You Happy?

Focus on these three things to equip you to love yourself, no matter how much you weigh.

Can I ask you an important question about your bathroom scale. No, I’m not going to ask how much you weigh. Rather, a more sensitive question.  But, I just have to ask it. Ready? Here it is: When did your bathroom scale get to be in charge of how you feel about yourself?

Think about it. Your bathroom scale just lies on the floor day after day. It doesn’t help you pay the bills and it definitely doesn’t clean toilets. It’s just laying on the floor not bothering anybody.  Yet it’s large and in charge of how you feel about yourself.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Barb, that scale isn’t bossing me around. Back off.”

 

Does your scale prompt you to either celebrate or criticize yourself?

Does you scale control what you will or won’t wear?

Does your scale influence how confident you feel when interacting with others?

 

If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, you are totally not alone. I’ll bet you five cookies and a quart of ice cream that you’re beating yourself up for gaining weight during the holiday season. (Anyone out there postponing a doctor’s visits until you have a chance to work off those Christmas cookies?)

 How did our scales gain such control of how we see ourselves?

The easy answer is that we live in a culture that believes the lower the number on the scale, the more acceptable we are. And this is true of Christian women, who pretend not to care, but really do.

The real answer is that every woman, regardless of her age, struggle at some level with what I call our “ugly struggle with beauty.” The core of this struggle isn’t about the number on the scale or the size that we wear. Ladies, our struggle is because we’re losing the battle to hold onto our God-given identity in a world that wants us to believe that beauty is a prize that only a few women can claim.

Compounding this problem is that far too many Christian women think that it is unspiritual to talk about our physical bodies, our size, our shape, or our style. Christian women dropped out of the culture’s conversation about beauty. God owns beauty!  He is the Creator of beauty, not us.  Not celebrities. Not Instagram. Not Snapchat filters (even though they are pretty amazing)!

 As God’s daughters and ambassadors, we need to be in charge!

In the world today when our young daughters and granddaughters are literally dying over their ugly struggle, we need to talk about inner and outer beauty MORE, not less! That’s why I wrote my Beautiful Already Bible Study because I want to help Christian women who love Jesus, but hate their bodies.

We are so much more than a number we see on our bathroom scale!   

The battle is learning to see ourselves – both inside AND out -  through God’s eyes.

If we know who God is, then we’ll have the right perspective on ourselves.

Let’s start with this cornerstone of truth: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. –Matthew 6:33 

Notice the first part of the verse: Seek God first.

When we seek God first, that means we take our eyes off ourselves. This means that I subject my opinions and beliefs about my body through the filter of God’s truth. Our tendency is to look at our bodies through our past, our failures, and our comparisons to other women.

Seeking God’s kingdom above all else is an invitation to leave our prisons of judgment and shame for a place of freedom and hope!

So, what does this practically look like for us when we’re about to hop on the bathroom scale? 

Here are three God-honoring truths to keep in mind when you’re tempted to let the numbers on the scales dictate your value as a woman.  By the way, I share my weight pretty regularly when I talk to women and I’ll share it at the bottom of this post.

 

1. See the GOODNESS

Even though you may not like the number on the scale, or the size or shape of one of your body parts, focus on the idea that those parts were created for you by God. Remember, everything that God made fits His definition of Goodness. We need to proclaim that goodness and adopt God’s truth rather than our own.

Say this: God, thank you for my body, crafted by your all-powerful, creative hands. Genesis 1:31 says that You have made all things good, including me. I reject any whispers that I am unworthy because of the number on the scale and choose to focus on your truth. Amen.

 

2. See the BLESSING

Our bodies don’t have to be the world’s version of perfect for us to give God thanks for it. When’s the last time that you thanked God for the parts of you that are a little fluffier, saggy, or more flabby than you’d like?

God, you’ve blessed me with this body. The number on the scale is just a number, but it doesn’t compare to the beautiful, valuable creation that You’ve made me to be. Amen.

 

3. See the PURPOSE

Each part of our body has a God-defined purpose. We don’t have to overthink this one, but we can easily condemn our hips, stomachs, sagging arms, or thighs. We are all unique creations and God has a specific purpose for us. He wants to use YOU to bring value to others that far exceeds anything that you could ever ask or imagine.

God, it is so easy for me to say mean things about my body or weight. Instead, I must see my body as a tool that you want to use to make a difference in someone’s life. Amen.

 

What’s our reward?

Our reward is that we learn to experience the joy that comes from seeing God’s goodness, bless and purpose for the body that He has given to us. Isn’t that a lot better than beating ourselves up, pulling on a pair of yoga pants, and binging on old Christmas cookies?

And if you’re not able to see yourself as God sees you get…

That’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. But, God doesn’t want you to stay that way. Might I suggest saying at least one of those prayers daily for a week. Be willing to let God work in your heart.

 

And my weight…

And what some of you have been “weighting” for – ha! My weight is 178 pounds. It’s just a number and determines nothing about my value as a beautiful daughter of God.

 

COMMENT: Do you feel like you can win your ugly struggle with your bathroom scale? What would it take for you to love yourself as God loves you – no matter your weight?

When Heaven Holds Your Babies | Kaila Mugford

When Heaven Holds Your Babies | Kaila Mugford

"Hope is knowing that one day I will hold my babies in heaven." -Kaila Mugford

Today's episode is one of the most powerful and emotional conversations that I've ever had on the Better Together podcast.

I'm talking with my brave and courageous friend, Kaila Mugford about her journey as a mother with two children living with her on earth and two precious little boys in heaven. If you or a friend has suffered a miscarriage or infant loss, Kaila's speaks with bare honesty and vulnerability about her complicated feelings about God, faith, others' advice, and how to stand by friends who suffer a miscarriage or infant loss. After you listen to today's episode, please share it with a grieving friend and let her know that you love her.

Kaila blogs about her family's grief and the loss of two children at kailamugford.blogspot.com. Writing is healing for her, and she hopes that her words can bring comfort to others grieving too.

 

LINKS FROM TODAY'S SHOW:

Kaila's blog

Still Standing Magazine

 

Will You Allow God to Change Your Plans?

Will You Allow God to Change Your Plans?

In their hearts, humans plan their course but the LORD establishes their steps. –Proverbs 16:9 NLT 

I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of times when I think that my life should look like the top picture, but the bottom picture is a better description of how my life unfolds. Can you relate?

Look, if your life is always the top picture, let me know. I really would love to talk to you!

There's nothing like imagining life as a straight line but in reality, God allows my life to look a little more like an off-road adventure with no steering wheel.  

Most of us know what it's like to travel unplanned roads gathering vital life lessons, experience the good, the bad and the not fair. In high school, I thought that I'd be an English teacher. I ended up married. While married and in college, I planned to be an attorney. I ended up graduating from college earlier and becoming an insurance adjuster. I planned to have two kids, but God knew that we needed the third one who has added so much fun into our lives. 

Now, I’m traveling along a long, dark, bumpy road of an addiction issue in our family. God, I’m not a fan of this particular road. Can you re-route us back over to the familiar road where we could set the cruise control and enjoy the sun on our faces? 

God’s answer seems to be: Sweet Barb, this is the road I've allowed for you. Stop focusing on the bumps and look forward so that you won't miss my blessings.

Does that whisper sound familiar to you, too?

Some of you are totally grooving with me right now. We’re waking up each day living a life that we could have never imagined in our wildest dreams – or scariest nightmares.   

So, when I think about King Solomon’s observation in Proverbs 16:9 that we can make plans but God determines our steps, I think that there is tremendous wisdom that we can apply to our lives at the beginning of the new year. 

In this verse, we are reminded that God controls the speed and direction of our desired steps.  This means that there will likely be points in our life journey when our lives and plans will blow off course, like a ship blown off course in a storm. 

We have to move unexpectedly… 

We switch to a new career… 

We can’t pregnant… 

We get a life-changing diagnosis… 

We feel God’s prompting to change our lifestyle… 

We’ll face the loss of a child or spouse… 

When our lives seem to blow off course – even for good reasons – it can be a shock to our system. While there are some surprises like a promotion or new baby that we can get behind and get excited about, the tough unexpected changes can bring a kind of pain that tempts us to shake our fist at God and beg him to put our lives back on track. 

What if God changes your life so that you can take some life-changing steps of faith? 

In Proverbs 16:9, the last part of the verse says that God establishes our steps. As I reflected on those words, I realized that God’s plan for our lives includes an off-course invitation to take steps that are often difficult, but always have eternal value.  

Here's some steps of opportunity that God might be inviting you to take in this off-road season of your life:

If you're out of your comfort zone, God invites you to take a step of faith. 

If you aren't getting what you want, God invites you to take a step of surrender. 

If your plan is delayed, God invites you to take a step of patience. 

If you've made a mistake, God invites you to take a step of humility. 

If a friend or family fails you, God invites you to take a step of forgiveness. 

If you've fallen into sin, God invites you to take a step of repentance. 

A friendly reminder (or you might need the following as a warning against wrong expectations of God):  Just because you take the step doesn’t mean that God will put your plans back on track.

That’s not how God works. Rather, your step is a willingness to allow God to take you on a journey to a place that you’ve never been and lead you toward experiencing a level of faith and trust that you’ve never had. 

If I had to drill down what I’ve learned about what happens when God allows the plans for my life to go off-course, here’s a summary of what I’ve learned: 

It will be a wild ride. 

It will be an emotional journey. 

You’ll experience a closer relationship with God that you could never accomplish any other way. 

 

COMMENT: Has your life blown off your planned course? What step do you feel God might be calling you to take?

How to Talk About Hard Things | Lori Roeleveld

How to Talk About Hard Things | Lori Roeleveld

Did you grow up in a home where things were kept silent? Did your parents ask you to keep secrets or warn you not to talk about certain family problems outside of the house?

In today’s Better Together podcast, we’re talking about how to stop suffocating in silence and learn how to have hard conversations. Even as Jesus taught that the Truth of the gospel would set us free from eternal condemnation, we also know that speaking God’s Truth also frees us from the strongholds of secret sin, generational curses and other dysfunctional behaviors.

My guest is Lori Roeleveld, author of the new book, The Art of Hard Converations: Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks that Matter (2019). Today, Lori explains why we struggle to have hard conversations and how to learn how to have them. 

I know first hand how secrets are strongholds that can drain the hope of even the strongest families. If you’ve been sitting in silence and afraid of speaking up for any reason, Lori’s words just might be divine timing for you.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:

    • Three conversational styles: Turtle, Hawk, or Chameleon;
    • Two questions that you need to ask before beginning a hard conversation;
    • How to create a safe culture in your home so that your kids learn how to have healthy, hard conversations;
    • How to embrace hard conversations with adult kids and not alienate them.

 

Connect with Lori!

Website |  Facebook |  LinkedIn |  Twitter

The Art of Hard Conversations Book

About today’s guest…

Lori Stanley Roeleveld is an author, speaker, and disturber of hobbits who enjoy making comfortable Christians late for dinner. Biblical, funny, and real, she inspires courage and Christ-centered confidence. She’s authored three non-fiction books including Running from a Crazy Man, Jesus and the Beanstalk, and the upcoming, The Art of Hard Conversations, as well as a novella, Red Pen Redemption. Though she has degrees in Psychology and Biblical Studies, she learned the most from studying her Bible in life’s trenches. Blogger. Wife. Mother of adults. Part-time giant-slayer. Not available for children’s parties. Though she once tried to escape, she adventures with Jesus in a small town in Rhode Island where her husband is renovating his dream house. To join the adventure, knock on her door at www.loriroeleveld.com

Healing Father Wounds | Kia Stephens

Healing Father Wounds | Kia Stephens

 

Did you grow up with a father who was absent from your life? Have you felt the emptiness and ache that accompanies the absence of his love and involvement?

On this week's episode of Better Together, I'm talking with Kia Stephens about her story, her healing, and her mission to help women deal with their father wounds. Kia is the founder of the Father Swap Blog as well as Entrusted Women, an online community to encourage, equip, and uplift writers, bloggers, speakers, and authors who happen to be women of color.

She is a wife and homeschooling mom of two who is passionate about helping women know God as Father. For this reason, she created The Father Swap Blog to help women exchange their father wounds for the love of God the Father.

During today's podcast, Kia will talk not only about the definition of a "father wound," but she explains how this kind of loss can wreck woman's emotions and relationships with men if unaddressed.

When a father isn't a part of a woman's life, that loss can have a painful and negative impact on her relationship with God. If you've struggled with God because of your relationship with your father, Kia will speak to that struggle. She will share how her relationship with God helps her to walk in freedom and healing as well as offer practical tips, like how to write a forgiveness letter.

One of my favorite parts of the episode is when Kia preaches scriptural truth to us, especially if you've felt unloved, rejected, unwanted, or alone, let her bless you with God's truth.

Do you know a woman that struggles with the pain that comes with not having a loving or attentive father in her life? Please make sure to share this podcast on your social media.

LINKS TO RESOURCES

 

About your Better Together podcast host...

Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about equipping women to win at life with Christ-empowered strength and dignity. Barb loves speaking at women's conference and leadership events such as the Aspire Women's Events, She Speaks Conference and the UMC Leadership Institute.

Barb is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including her newest releases: Winning the Worry Battle: Life Lessons from the Book of Joshua and Bible study called Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle. Barb's writing has been featured in magazines or blogs such as Simple Truth Magazine, iBelieve.com, Crosswalk.com, More to Life Magazine, Just Between Us Magazine, Cherished, InCourage, and Women of Faith.

 An avid traveler, reader, and lover of all things chocolate-peanut butter, Barb and her family live in NW Ohio. Visit Barb's online home at barbroose.com.

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