by Barb Roose | Aug 3, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Ladies, what words do you use to describe yourself in the mirror? Does it matter what you say to yourself?
It’s tough out there, isn’t it, ladies? As much as we love social media, we don’t love the constant barrage of culture telling us how we should look. There are a lot of “mirrors” out there. Lots of people with opinions about our size, shape and style. I can pick up one magazine that tells me young and thin is in, then click over to Buzzeed for the 25 reasons why having junk in my trunk is amazing. So many conflicting messages about beauty! Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the middle of something, but you don’t know which side to take?
Even Angelina struggles with beauty…
Angelina Jolie (credit to filmrise.com/getty images)
Actress Angelina Jolie is one of the one of the most recognizable and photographed women in the world. She appears in movies, magazines and tabloid publications on a regular basis. Angelina’s face, body and weight undergo constant scrutiny by anyone and everyone who feels the need to chime into the discussion. So, what does this famous woman think of all of the attention paid to her appearance? Does the fact that our culture considers her beautiful have any impact on her personal opinion of herself?
Here are some quotes that I found online from Angelina:
“I don’t see myself as beautiful, because I can see a lot of flaws. People have really odd opinions. They tell me I’m skinny, as if that’s supposed to make me happy.”
“I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.”
“I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it’s unbelievable.”
These quotes are not chronological and I don’t know in what context they were spoken. Even Angelina can have a few bad days. However, I think they demonstrate that even a woman plastered all over dozens of international magazine covers can think and feel the very same things that you do.
What fascinates me about women is that we would never criticize our friends the way that we harangue ourselves. Imagine the following dialogue:
“Hi Jessica.”
“Hello, Emily. How are you today?”
“I’m fine. But, honey, do you realize that your legs look like a sausage rolls stuffed in those jeans. Oh, and that muffin top? Girl, you look like a breakfast combination from Jimmy Dean.”
That conversation would never happen between friends. (If it does, you may want to rethink that friendship.) Yet, we engage in that kind of dialogue with ourselves every time we look into the mirror. Unfortunately, our mirrors have become an accessory to our campaign of self-condemnation and self-doubt. Too often we use our mirrors to confirm what culture says is wrong with our size, shape or style.
Why does it matter if we believe that we are beautiful?
It’s so easy to criticize ourselves in the mirror and photos. But, for this photo, I admit that I laughed pretty hard once I saw that fu-man-chu mustache!
We must understand what happens when we allow our feelings about our physical flaws undermine our true value. We’ll see how dangerous and hurtful it is for us to believe the ugly lie that we cannot be beautiful.
In my 2013 Created with Curves survey, I asked over 500 women the following open-ended question: “When you look into the mirror, what are some of the words you’ve used to describe yourself?” Here are some of the positive responses:
Gorgeous and blessed! Voluptuous! Precious as rubies. Woman of color
I’m beautiful, amazing, lovely, God-fearing, blessed, overcomer and a role-model
Strong and independent
I’m beautiful, confident and radiant
Strong, athletic, driven
Those are some fantastic responses! We love it when a woman feels good about herself in the mirror, but secretly, we really want that woman to be US!
Here’s another set of responses that women gave:
Ordinary, plain, nothing special
Fat. Ugly. Undesirable.
Gross. Why. Ehh, its okay. Fat. Ugly.
Flabby, dorky, let myself go…
Overweight, need to work on my abs
Hideous, disgrace, waste
Any of these words should familiar to you? The #1 word that women used to describe themselves in the survey was fat. In fact, only 6.7% of women used the word beautiful to describe themselves.
I actually broke down in sobs when I read the survey report. I was so thankful for the raw honesty, but that same honesty tore my heart out as well. But, does it matter that we say those words in the mirror? YES! The impact of those words and those beliefs are felt in many ways.
When we don’t believe that we are beautiful:
…We shrink back,
…We hold back,
…We don’t speak up,
…We hide behind,
…We avoid.
…We struggle to connect.
I’m not against the beauty industry. As soon as I publish this post, I”m going to put on some cute clothes and make-up. But, hair and make-up aren’t the cause of our issues. We’ve done this to ourselves. We’ve given others the power over our understanding and definition of beauty. Our culture has created a financially-driven faux beauty standard that smacks us around every time we pick up a magazine. It’s no surprise that we feel like we are losing. Our ugly struggle with beauty remains a dark, silent cloud hanging above our lives. We don’t like to acknowledge it, but it hovers over us when we look in the mirror and throughout the day when we want to live fully, not we don’t feel like we are enough so we back off.
Here’s the beautiful truth that pertains to you…
Here’s one thought that I’d like to share with you today. It’s a simple thought, but it can change how you see yourself – and others. That simple thought is this: You are beautiful because God created you.
Repeat that to yourself a few times. Just let your mouth and mind get the feel for those words:
“I am beautiful because God created me.”
For some, these words might be hard to choke out. Say it anyways. Some of you don’t believe them. Repeat it anyways.
Yes, our culture has tried to define beauty and convince us that their definition is right. But, here’s the thing: God trumps culture. So, IMO God’s definition of beauty is the only one that matters. So, let me draw the dots really close together on this one:
1. God created you.
2. The scriptures say that everything that God makes is “towb” which is the Hebrew word for “beautiful.”
3. So, if God created you, then you are beautiful. Another way of saying it: You are beautiful because God created you.
That is truth. Embrace it. Live it. Share it with other women that you know.
Thanks for stopping by! I hope that this post encouraged your heart and life today. If so, feel free to share this with your friends by clicking the share buttons at the top. By the way, some of today’s content came from my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty, Chapter 4: Flaw Finding. Click here to find out more about my book and the special Kindle pricing!
by Barb Roose | Jul 27, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
A few months ago, I realized that my back was really hurting. The first few minutes of each morning were getting really painful. Like OOUUUCCCHH! To make matters worse, when I did move, my bones were popping and cracking like a 90-year old man. Goodness!
My body was finally shouting loud enough for me to listen. You see, my workout regimen had been hit –miss – miss- miss – miss for many months. I’d get in a week of exercise here and there, nothing consistent. So after many months of excuses and good intentions that went nowhere my body’s pain protests were finally louder than the excuses I’d been telling myself. It was time to get back on it. Time to take care of my body. But, there’s one thing:
I don’t love exercise.
I just don’t. I hate admitting this, but I’ve got to keep it real. I love sports and competition, but I don’t love working out. I’m much rather consume a pile of cookies and unlimited Netflix over pulling out my workout mat and moving off the couch. Running, planks and yoga do not hold the same thrill as chocolate-peanut butter ice cream and streaming episodes of “Fixer Upper” with Chip and Joanna Gaines…I love them.
Yet, when I’m not taking care of my body, my body lets me know it.
I give thanks that my body started sending me angry, painful messages a few months back. That pain forced me to get my butt literally back into gear. You know what hurts worse than working out? The pain of a body that isn’t cared for! God created our bodies to move. This doesn’t mean that we’ve got to run 10 miles a day, but we’ve got to do something! While those managing fragile health issues must follow their doctor’s instructions, many have been encouraged by their doctors to engage in some form of physical movement. It’s how God designed us!
From a spiritual standpoint, I believe that caring my body honors God. I believe that caring for my body is one way to prepare for God to use me for the good works that He’s planned for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). While I have no control over whether or not some illness or medical condition will interfere with my current wellness, I am responsible for how I treat my body today.
While we know that what’s on the inside of a person matters most, but we should never take our bodies or health for granted. They are a gift from God!
Q4U (Question for you): How are you treating your God-given body? On a scale of 1 (bad)-10 (great) how well are you:
- …Nourishing your body in a way that will make you healthy and strong?
- …Getting a good night’s sleep?
- …Disciplining yourself to pursue fitness in some form most days of the week?
- …Experience connection with others?
For any question that you answered less than a “5,” then what do you need to do differently and most importantly, what’s going to be the reason “why” you need to behave differently. Without a compelling “why,” you probably won’t follow-through.
Meditate on this today: I honor God with my body when I care for it and strengthen it as much as I am able.
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by Barb Roose | Jul 20, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship
I love adventure! To a certain extent, I’m even wired for it. Embracing a challenge that makes my blood rush gives me a thrill. While I’m not interested in pushing the odds of an early demise, I like to push myself from time to time.
One of the best adventures of all was when I went skydiving in June 2011. Whenever I talk about going skydiving, the first question people ask is WHY?! Well, the simple answer is that I didn’t want to pet a tarantula. Ha!
In June 2011, I prepared to give a weekend message about Caleb and Joshua from the Old Testament. The message theme was courage, so as our top-notch programming team suggested that I do something courageous to kick off the series. The room started buzzing at that point and I knew what was coming:
Someone: “I’VE GOT IT! Barb, you could go to the zoo and pet a tarantula.”
Me: “No.”
Someone: “But, that would take courage.”
Me: “Sobbing hysterically and peeing my pants on camera isn’t courageous. What else we got?”
Someone else: “You could go skydiving. Hahaha!!”
We called 1-800-SKY-DIVE and just like that, I was going skydiving. THE NEXT DAY.
The next morning, I drove 2 1/2 hours east to a little town just outside of Canton, Ohio with one of our arts pastors and one of our videographers. My parents only lived about 30 minutes from where I would do the jump, but I figured I would call them after I survived instead of before. No need to worry them, right? After all, I promised my husband that I would try to not die and that I’d be home in time to make dinner.
On arrival, there were lots of papers to sign, but it really could have been summed up by stating “If you die, it isn’t our fault.” Then, I headed over to pick up my jumpsuit. I’m not a jumpsuit kinda girl, and they don’t exactly make them cute, but whatever.
Next, I participated in a 30-minute instructional session and learned how parachutes worked. They also explained what I needed to do in the air and most importantly, right before landing. Remembering those important details kept my mind off the fact that I would freefall 10,000 ft to the ground.
Then, I met my jump partner, Mike. My suit had a hook that would be tethered to Mike’s hook on the way down. Why? Because 30-minutes isn’t nearly enough time to learn how to jump out of an airplane on my own and survive. Imagine my thrill when Mike mentioned that he’s jumped out of an airplane over 5,000 times. Jumping out of a plane for Mike was like driving to work for me. And, Mike was tall, so I didn’t have to worry about squishing him if we landed wrong.
Mike and I walking out to the plane. Excited, but nervous!
Notice how I’m tucked up right next to the pilot. It was a tight space, but I had enough room to fold my little hands together and pray.
Finally, it was time.
Mike and I walked out to the teeniest, tiniest, dinky little plane I’d ever seen. There wasn’t enough room for me to sit in the back with the other two jumpers. So I sat in a space on the floor next to the pilot, facing toward the back of the plane. As we taxied down the field, the pilot told us that it would take about 20 minutes for us to reach our jump zone. That meant I had 20 minutes to think. And pray. And pray more. There was lots ‘o praying.
Here’s the video from the weekend message, including the skydive. Just keep reading after the video!
Lots of people asked me if I was scared. Not really. I like to sum it up in one word: crazy! Free-falling at 120mph is pretty wild. I loved how fast we were moving through the air and I was excited that Mike was doing all of the work so that I could enjoy the moment. I was tethered to someone who knew what he was doing and that made all of the difference.
Just the same is if you walk with God, you’re tethered to Him and He will never leave you alone.
So, the point of sharing my story wasn’t to convince you to go skydiving. But, I hope that my story might prod you toward in to take a brave step of faith toward some place God has been calling you to go. For every place God calls you to go, He goes with you – and that’s the most important thing to remember.
In the Old Testament, there were numerous times when God reminds His people to press forward, even though they might be worried about how things will turn out. Here’s God’s reminder:
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
These are the words I want to leave you with today. For whatever you are facing today that makes you anxious, afraid, or discouraged, you are not alone. When we think that we’re all alone, it’s never a good feeling. Yet, in both the Old and New Testament, we see God’s constant message that even though we live in a world where bad things happen and evil exists, God is present. We can press forward through difficult, even tragic circumstances with bravery and courage when we remember that God is present and will strengthen us through our trials.
Be strong and courageous, today.
This photo was captured mid-air during my skydive. I call it my “Kermit the Frog” picture.
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by Barb Roose | Jul 6, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Three years ago if you asked me what chronic illness was, I would have replied with something along the lines of, “I don’t know, but it sounds pretty terrible.”
Here’s the lovely Lauren Gaskill. We connected a few months ago and it’s been a blessing getting to know her. Check out Lauren’s beautiful blog, MakingLifeSweet.com for inspiration on topics related to happy, healthy living. She also share flavorful and easy food recipes – the photos will make your mouth water! Photo credit: A.Photographer
For the first 18 years of my life, I enjoyed a blissfully healthy existence. Every now and then I would get a sinus infection or the flu, but I never experienced any major complications. I was an optimistic, spunky, sassy and energetic young woman — and nothing could rob me of that. I had no problem waking up, going to swim practice two times a day, taking care of schoolwork and staying up late into the night hanging out with friends. On the side, I worked as a lifeguard and swim lessons instructor and never felt too fatigued to do my job.
I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but one day during my sophomore year of college in 2011, everything changed. One fall morning I woke up with lockjaw, a migraine and full body pain. Things were never the same after that. Headaches became a daily occurrence, my body felt like it had been hit with 2x4s, and my neck, jaw and back were in a constant state of semi-debilitating to unbearable pain.
Sometimes the pain was enough to make me skip class and stay in bed. But then there were periods of time — months even — when the pain wasn’t so bad. Half of my days were what I like to call “good” days and half were “bad” days. I had an MRI done of my head just to make sure nothing abnormal was happening and when the reading came back normal, I just carried on with life as I knew it. I tried not to think about the pain and if I needed to, I took Advil to help me get through the bad days.
Fast forward to 2014. From the outside looking in, it was a very happy year in my life. I landed two jobs fresh out of college, became engaged and married my best friend, and we bought our first home in Minnesota. But on the inside my chronic pain was worse than ever and I started sustaining injuries just from doing normal activities.
After a slew of doctor’s office visits, specialists’ visits and tests, I received an official diagnosis of fibromyalgia and hypermobility in March 2015. My family members and friends were devastated for me. We’re so sorry Lauren. That’s awful news, they said. But the truth was while others lamented, I felt relieved. For four years, I had stuffed and hidden my pain to keep doing life according to what I considered to be “normal.” But now that I had an official diagnosis, I knew I needed to start making health a bigger priority. I needed to start listening to my body so I could manage my condition.
If you’ve ever heard of the spoon theory, you know what I meant earlier by good days and bad days. Some days I wake up without a headache and feeling like myself. On those days, I am blessed with many spoons. Other times I wake up with maybe one spoon to make it through. On these days I must prioritize taking care of my health. I have learned that even though my soul wants to soldier on, it’s essential in these moments to back off, listen to my body, and treat it kindly.
If that means backing out of a dinner, canceling plans or taking a break from blogging to focus on my health, then that is what I’ll do.
Chronic illness has taught me that I can’t do it all — and that’s OK. This is where Jesus comes in.
All of these lessons aside, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that even though I can try to manage my chronic condition, ultimately relying on Jesus is the only thing that really gets me through. He gave me this one body and this one life to live. And I am called to take care of my relationship with Him just as much as I am called to take care of my health.
I have found that the more I focus on Jesus, the less I think about all of the pain and heartache that fibro and hypermobility can inflict upon me. On both the good and bad days, prioritizing Him is the best decision I could ever make because He is the supplier of my peace, joy and strength.
Thanks, Lauren for sharing your story with us!
Ladies, you can share your story, too! If you’re living with chronic pain, how do you take care of yourself? How can we best support you on those difficult days? If you want to read more from Lauren, check out her blog, Makinglifesweet.com.
I’m so glad that you stopped by to check out today’s post. It is such a pleasure and privilege to share inspiration and encouragement with you! Did you see last week’s post on why Pixar’s movie, “Inside Out” made me cry? Click here to check it out!
by Barb Roose | Jun 8, 2015 | Women's Topics
We all like to watch people.
Why? Because people are really interesting! This past weekend, my neighborhood hosted our annual Old West End Festival. Thousands of people descended upon our historical neighborhood to pursue garages sales, view parades or look at our grand historical homes (well, not mine. I live there, but mine isn’t quite in the same category as “grand”…more like old-fashioned lived-in.)
Here’s my favorite home in our neighborhood. It’s located a few streets over from my house. I don’t know anything about it other than I like to walk by it – and I’m thankful that I don’t have to clean it. (photo credit: Flickr)
As the visitors walk and gawk, residents like me spend the weekend just watching the crowd. It’s like the annual all-you-can-see people-watching buffet and I never had to leave my seat.
So, it is the people-watching experience of this weekend that inspires this post. There are lots of different kinds of people-watchers, but today, we’re talking about my two favorite types. First, the group of folks that I call “weird-watchers.”
Do what you gotta do…
Weird-watchers are folks that follow you with their eyes just a little bit too long and a way too intense. Truthfully, I may have accidentally weird-watched someone at least once or twice – like people who have tattoos with lots of words.
Moving on…
This week, a friend posted on Facebook that a weird-watcher was staring at her while she was sitting on the train in Chicago. She was a little freaked out by his persistent gaze, even though she was safely on the opposite side of a window. Like a good friend, I offered some handy Facebook advice to her – because on Facebook, we all LOVE to give advice. With weird-watchers, you’ve gotta fight fire with fire. My advice: “Stare back at him and pick your nose.” #nailedit
The “Body-Shoppers”
My favorite form of people-watching is body-shopping. I’m a body-shopper. That’s the kind of people-watcher that I am. Body-shopping is like shopping in a store, except there’s no store and the clothes are on moving bodies. One of my biggest pet-peeves in the store that the cellulite-free mannequins don’t realistically demonstrate how something could really fit. Yet, every woman is a real-life model and so I get to see how lots of different clothes look on a variety of sizes and shapes of bodies.
For me, body-shopping begins once I see a necklace or accessory that captures my attention. It’s often a necklace or another accessory to turns my head and makes me smile. This is important: body-shopping isn’t about looking for something to criticize. People-watchers are known for their biting criticism or rude, whispered comments. When I body shop, there’s no room for Judge Judy, rather it’s more like channeling Paula Abdul from her early days on American Idol. Remember how Paula could always find something positive to say about someone, no matter how bad they saying or looked.
Body-shopping Rule #1: Compliment, never criticize!
Yesterday, a lady walks by wearing this phenomenal long, white summer dress. It was a chilly morning, so she layered it with white, cropped jean jacket, summer flip-flops and gold jewelry. My favorite part, she finished her look with a big smile. I’m a guaranteed train wreck waiting-to-happen when I wear white. Yet, this lady looked so lovely that I started to wonder what I could look like if I had such a dress. Sure, I’d have to send the day in a bubble only drinking clear pop or water, but it might be worth it!
As the lady walked by, I simply said: “Wow, I love your dress. It looks great on you.”
One of the most important rules of body-shopping is to let the person know that you love how something looks on her. Just compliment just one thing, though. Don’t be like “Oh, I love your dress. Wow, you’re shoes are amazing. What gorgeous eyes you have! Those earrings are just EVERYTHING!”
Unless you’re talking to your best friend, don’t do that. Don’t compliment everything. That’s creepy.
Body-shopping Rule #2: Find out where and how long ago it was purchased
I don’t know where she was heading to, but after my compliment, the lovely lady’s smile grew wider and she stopped. This is one of the great rewards of body-shopping: You can make people smile. Everyone loves a compliment, especially a genuine, unsolicited compliment.
Lovely dress lady told me that the dress was purchased for one of her favorite stores, which turned out to be one of my favorite stores, too! Which brings me to one of the next most important features of body-shopping: you must ask how long ago they acquired the item. Lucky for me, she mentioned that the dress was purchased just a few weeks ago. I’ve got plans to stop by the store later this week and I’ve got a gift card!
Sometimes, my body-shopping inquiry will be an item purchased long ago or a treasured hand-me-down. I’ve heard great stories over the years about jewelry bequeathed from a relative, a garage sale treasure or a special gift from a loved one. Not only do I love hearing those great stories, but it brings people such joy sharing them with me.
Body shopping Rule #3: Be affirming
Yesterday, I engaged in a little more body-shopping. A long-time friend wore sparkly eyeshadow as an eyeliner across her top eye lid. She looked amazing! Usually, sparkly eyeshadow is a Friday night weekend thing, but she wore a light-colored sparkle shadow as a thin liner that made her bright eyes even brighter on a Sunday morning. It was a perfect match her personality and style. So, here we go: Rule #1: I told her that her eyes looked amazing. She smiled big. Then, Rule #2: I asked there she purchased it from and when. She mentioned a company that I have been watching on Twitter for a few months, so I made the mental decision to check it out.
But this happened, too:
Me: “When you applied that eye shadow this morning, weren’t you just giddy? You knew that it looked fantastic, right?”
Super cute friend: “Really? Does it look that good? Like, I knew that I looked nice this morning, but I wasn’t sure.”
Me: “You look spectacular. That shadow highlights the sparkle already in your eyes!”
(Then, I asked her out for a date. Ha! No, I didn’t. Calm down.)
What happened here? I shared a compliment about something that I hoped that she already believed for herself. This particular lovely is a highly successful business woman who is smart and stylish. Yet, even those who look the most confident still need encouragement and affirmation. We should never build Our identities on the words of others. But, we should affirm and encourage each other, especially other women.
It’s always about connection…
As much as we hate to admit this: Humans judge people based on what they see. God looks at the heart, but He designed us with eyes that pay attention to facial expressions, postures, features and clothing styles. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what we do with is.
Here’s my thing: I people-watch with purpose. Body-shopping has opened the door to some pretty cool connecting moments over the years. I’ve made new friends, discovered mutual acquaintances and gotten some great inspiration for my own closet – all through just paying attention and using my voice to encourage another.
You can do this, too.
I CHALLENGE YOU: Try some body-shopping this week. Pay attention to the women around you and if you’re brave enough, engage in the body-shopping experience just once this week. If you’re an introvert, you can choose someone that you already know that feel comfortable with to start.
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