by Barb Roose | May 15, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Before I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I knew that I was struggling.
Even as my eyes remained closed, I felt the shadow of the dark cloud hovering over me. I struggled against some leaded, emotional weight pushing deep into my heart causing an ache that I couldn’t figure out.
I’m no Debbie Downer. Unless someone throws a spider at me or swipes the last cookie, I’m generally in a good mood. But, not always. Like you, there are times in life when I feel down.
Last Monday was one of those down days.
I felt as if my joy had been snatched away. My energy was MIA, too. Overnight, my mojo became a no-go.
Am I depressed?
Seven years ago, I endured a year-long struggle with depression and anger. At first, I went to counseling. Then, my wise family doctor suggested medicine. Yes, Lord! The combination of counseling and an antidepressant restored my mental wellness and clarity. I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without mental health and medical intervention.
So, last week I wondered if I was experiencing some early depression. I wasn’t bothered by the thought, especially since I knew where to find help. (By the way, here’s a tremendous article on anxiety and depression.)
As I pondered that question, I forced myself out of bed to start my morning routine. I still hoped that the solution to my sadness was simply explained.
I ate breakfast. Didn’t help.
I worked out. And I cried during my workout. Not good.
I engaged in my daily bible reading. Always helpful. But…
My sadness clung to me like a two-year toddler who doesn’t want to go to daycare.
Next, I went for a prayer walk. I ended up at the art museum in my neighborhood. There’s a beautiful sculpture garden in front of the museum that features large works of art with aromatic flower gardens all around.
As I stood in the sculpture garden, I begged God to lift my sadness.
God, if you can’t lift my sadness, PLEASE let me feel Your presence.
I spent about an hour walking among the flowers and laying atop a giant tire swing looking at the blue sky. Yet, streaming tears still flowed down my face.
The heaviness refused to go away. But, God was there with me.
Have you ever felt your joy just disappear?
Often, we can point to certain life circumstances that shift us from happy into sadness. Financial issues. Relationship conflict. Job drama. Rebellious kids. Lack of sleep. Medical issues. Any one or two of those rain down on our lives and we’re not surprised when we feel a little down.
Our usual strategy for dealing with our sadness includes the “four big binges”:
Binge eating
Binge watching
Binge drinking
Binge sleeping
When we’re feeling bad, it’s easy to overdo things that are bad for us. No judgement here. I’ve done it, too. But, there’s a truth that we cannot ignore: Over-doing anything on the binge list will undermine your mental and physical health.
“It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not safe to stay there.”
This is something that we say at our church often. Why? Because no one is perfect and we all struggle. However, struggle isn’t an excuse to sit and do nothing.
Taking care of yourself is an action and it doesn’t happen by accident. Your life matters and no one else can take care of you, but you!
Repeat after me: When I’m feeling my worst, I must care for myself the BEST!
For me, that means that I must be extra kind to myself. So, I followed this “Take Care of Me” plan on that difficult Monday:
I didn’t punish myself for having a bad day. No negative self-talk!
I ate healthy foods and stayed away from unhealthy foods that I would regret later.
I soaked in the bathtub and used all of my favorite bath salts and scrubs.
I listened to music and read books that were good for my heart, mind and soul.
Conclusion…
While my sad mood persisted, I felt good about taking care of myself. The next morning I reached out to a few close friends for support. I knew that if my sadness continued for a week that I’d get some medical help. NOTE: If you’ve been sad and feeling at a loss for more than two weeks, you NEED to call your healthcare provider.
For the next couple of days, I kept taking care of myself. Eventually, the dark cloud lifted and I know that intentional, active self-care made a HUGE difference.
TELL ME! How do you take care of yourself when you’re feeling down? Share your comments and help another woman out there! Share this post with your friends, too!
A FREE GIFT FOR YOU!
I’ve created a webpage with a list of 101 Ways for You to Care For Yourself. If you struggle with self-care, print this list and commit to doing at least five things on this list per day.
Thanks to the ladies on my Enough Already Launch Team for helping me brainstorm the list!
by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
by Barb Roose | Nov 10, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
How do you feel when other people celebrate the good things happening in their lives?
Do you celebrate wholeheartedly with them or are you a teensy-bit envious because their lives always seem sunny-side up?
Yesterday, I went to see the movie “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” with my daughter, Sami. We weren’t planning to go. In fact, we made the decision to go to the movie at 11:23am. The movie started at 11:50am. Out of consideration for the folks in the theater, I managed a quick shower before we dashed out the door and hustled to the theater.
Movie day! Cheap tickets and buttery soft pretzels. Good times with my girl 🙂
Even though we had to park at least a quarter mile from the building because we forgot that it was SATURDAY AT FRANKLIN PARK MALL and people were EVERYWHERE, we got into our seats just as the movie began. God bless those endless movie previews.
The storyline is simple. Twelve-year old Alexander Cooper thinks his life is awful and he feels that his parents and siblings enjoy wonderful, trouble-free living. At the beginning of the movie, Alexander struts across the lawn toward the girl of his dreams, but trips over a lawn sprinkler and falls on his face. Moments later, the popular kid at school snaps Alexander’s photo and attaches his head atop a lingerie model – and then, texts the photo to the entire school. The rest of Alexander’s day is filled numerous woe-is-me moments that made us all feel bad for the kid.
Photo credit: IMDB
After his family goes to bed, Alexander sits in front of a homemade ice-cream birthday sundae at midnight on his 12th birthday. He blows out the birthday candle, wishing that his family would experience the same kind of terrible luck that frequents his life.
His wish comes true.
The fun of the movie is watching over-the-top, cringe-worthy mayhem that results from young Alexander’s wish. His unemployed dad, played by Steve Carrell, finally gets a job interview, then bombs it. Alexander’s mom, played by Jennifer Garner, works for a publishing company and launches a children’s book. The book instructs children to jump all over the place. Except there was a very unfortunate typo and the “j” was replaced by the “d.” So, she was having a very bad day, too. (Since I’m proofing my book right now, I broke out in a sweat during that scene).
Alexander watches as his parents, brother and sister experience horrible, terrible failures. We see that as much as Alexander wanted his family to understand how he felt, he hated seeing them actually experience those moments.
And that’s when I got to thinking…
There was a phase in my life – some of you have heard me refer to them as my “Dark Years.” During this time in life, NOTHING ever seemed to go right. #fail felt like the perfect description for my life.
During these years, I struggled to watch good things happening in other people’s lives. This was a time before social media or else I would have had to delete my Facebook page. I couldn’t have handled happy vacation photos, new house photos or someone celebrating anything good happening because envy would scream over their good news.
I felt entrenched in an endless series of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that I resented other’s good news. I wanted to be happy for them. Yet, my thoughts and emotional bandwidth was consumed by my disappointment with life. My head was filled with phrases like:
“I wish…”
“Why doesn’t…”
“When will I…”
I have so many journals containing those phrases for several years. “Joy” seemed like a word that only went to people who weren’t named Barb and didn’t live in my skin. I kept waiting for that magic moment for things to turn around AND ONLY THEN, I would be happy. Whatever that thing was didn’t happen and so I continued to fight through disappointment each day.
What changed? In a word: GRATITUDE.
I realized the importance of having gratitude for what I still had. I woke up to the realization that I had to stop meditating on what I didn’t have. When we “meditate” on something, we think about it over and over and over and over – you get the drift. When we meditate on unhealthy thoughts, those joy-destroying thoughts become fixed in our mind, continuously spinning like a hamster on a wheel. Those thoughts spin and spin until we have the discipline to stop them.
Meditating on the wrong things puts you in the wrong place. You’ll end up in the wrong place emotional, spiritually and relationally.
(And, while writing this blog, I am convicted of a few things that I need to stop meditating on. I HATE it when that happens – ha!)
Photo credit: Pinterest Ann Voscamp
In 2011, I read Ann Voscamp’s One Thousand Gifts. Many of you have read it and loved it. In the book, Ann challenges her readers to list 1000 moments that they are thankful for. It’s been three years since I’ve read the book and I’ve only listed 600. It’s not like I haven’t had thousands of moments to be thankful for, but I’m not always intentionally about acknowledging those moments.
Truth is, we are not mindful of all that God has blessed us with. We know this is true because way too much of the time we’re unhappy. Including me.
Too often, I blow right by my blessings and mediate on the bad stuff. It’s so easy to remember the bad stuff, isn’t it?
Gratitude changes and transforms our hearts. You cannot practice heart-felt gratitude and not have a heart filled with joy.
If you are in the midst of a continuous string of terrible, horrible, no good days, I challenge you to grab a notebook or open a note on your phone and keep track of all of the good moments in each day. In fact, I double-dare you. Warning: THIS IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK! You’ll have to discipline yourself to recognize those thankful moments and record them. This is how we become mindful of all that God has done for us.
So, if you are doing the November Thankful Challenge, keep going with that. But, for those who are struggling with feeling trapped in terrible, horrible, no good days, you absolutely need to get connected with gratitude. In fact, you can start here 🙂
How quickly can you list 10 moments that you are thankful for TODAY? I’ll be giving one Kindle or Nook digital gift copy of Ann Voscamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, to one person who leaves a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner on Wednesday. (It has to be a digital gift because I want to make sure that you get it quickly.)
If you think this post might encourage someone, feel free to share! In fact, that would be awesome!
by Barb Roose | Oct 7, 2014 | Scripture Devotional
There are few movies that have transcended the generations. The “Wizard of Oz” is one of those movies. While my kids weren’t swept away with the same sense of awe that I experienced in my younger years, I could tell they enjoyed it just the same. Seriously, who wouldn’t enjoy the snappy, happy songs, and exciting pre-CGI moments like when mean Ms. Gulch morphed into a witch and the movie switched from black-n-white to Technicolor. It’s like a retro-thrill for us.
Each main character in the movie had a specific need and they believed that there was One who could fulfill that need:
The Scarecrow wanted a brain.
The Tin Man wanted a heart.
The Cowardly Lion wanted courage.
And Dorothy wanted to go home.
(Frankly, I think Dorothy should have been happy enough with those sparkly red shoes. Holla.)
Anywhoo, after the group sashayed down the Yellow Brick Road and crashed the gates of the Wizard’s Emerald City, they had a chance to make the big “Ask.” Yet, the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion all wimped out, instead pushing Dorothy to the forefront to present their needs.
For all of their intent to obtain their heart’s desire, the characters let fear and worry strip away their opportunity to make the “ask.”
And we do, too. Too often, we pass on making the “ask.”
A few days ago, I sat in the bed with a deep pit in my stomach – a deep pit filled to the brim with acidic worry. It wasn’t a life or death situation, but something serious enough for a deep, dark crater to open in the center of my being and fill with burning, bubbly anxiety and fear. The pit seemed to whisper “doom and gloom” over and over again. And, the longer I felt worried, the bigger the pit seemed to get.
You know the feeling?
Luckily, I realized that the pit didn’t own me. I remembered that I didn’t have to listen to the lies from that pit.
Neither do you. We don’t have to let it grow out of control. Here’s some encouragement for you today:
Give all of your worries and cares to God for he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:7
We give our worries to God when we pray. Prayer is talking to God. You don’t need fancy words. My friends, prayer is the only way to combat that horrible doom feeling inside. Prayer fills in the pit. But, you can’t pawn this off on someone else. You have to pray. Even if you are praying for someone else and you are afraid, only you can give your worries to God.
How can you do this today?
1. What specifically are you worried about? Clarify your thoughts as well as your feelings.
2. Tell God about it. Use regular words. Be honest. If you haven’t prayed in awhile, today’s a good day to start!
3. God’s not your magical genie and prayer isn’t an “Easy Button.” The purpose of prayer is to connect yourself to God’s heart and eliminate worry, not to have God give you exactly what you want. The Bible tells us to boldly make our requests known to God, but trust in God’s sovereignty for the outcome.
4. Once you give your fears, worries or anxieties over to God, don’t try to take them back!
Thanks for reading today! What do you worry about? Do you struggle with praying? Tell us about your experience – you can leave a comment here or on my Facebook page. Also, if you think that others would find this post helpful, I’d love you to share it with them. God bless! Barb
by Barb Roose | Jul 24, 2013 | Christian Living/Discipleship
It was exactly a year ago that I woke up on my 40th birthday in a really bad mood.
I hated turning 40. Hated it. Even saying the words, “I’m 40” seemed to stick in my throat. Still does…
In the weeks leading up to my birthday last year, I sensed the likelihood of a meltdown, so I wisely planned a distraction: a partial kitchen remodel. Since I’m not super-handy, I had figured driving back and forth to Home Depot that week would keep me too busy to think about the Big 4-0.
On the morning of my July 24th birthday, I had planned to start painting the cabinet doors. As I mixed paint at 8:15am that morning, I groused to God about reaching this dreaded female milestone. Yet, I also felt guilty for being ungrateful. Afterall, I was alive, right? As I prepped the cabinets, I began to obsess (maybe even panic…) about what might be next in my life. And, what if there wasn’t a “next”? That thought terrified me. I begged God to help me shake off the “40-funk” that was settling into my heart.
At 8:30am, the phone rang. Then, everything changed:
“Barb, you need to meet Life Flight at St. V’s. Your sister-in-law and niece are headed there. They’ve been in an accident. Someone has died, but we don’t know who or in which car.”
Luckily, the hospital’s location is three minutes from my house and I was there within 10 minutes of the phone call. After waiting, I found out that my sister-in-law was alive and my niece was unconscious and in critical condition. Then, sadly, I learned that one of the passengers in the other vehicle had died. All I could do was cry and pray.
It was only 10am…and I was no longer concerned about turning 40.
As we paced through the hours of the day, our brains were in a haze from the overload of information and emotions. Yet, there are certain parts of life that just went on. For instance, it was my birthday, so I still had to get my car registration and tags renewed. At the BMV, I met saw a woman in line that I had seen at the hospital earlier in the day. Later, I found out her name was Ms. Lucy Oliver. As the battle for life and death circled around us, I had a chance to talk with one of St. V’s beloved employees. Weeks later, I would use her faith-filled testimony in one of my weekend messages.
In the days that followed the accident, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law held their daughter’s hand as her body struggled to survive surgery after surgery. Our immediate and distant family members would travel back and forth to the hospital to see and support in many different ways. Time moved fast and slow – simultaneously.
God spared my beautiful niece, Camie’s life. Over the past year, she’s worked so hard to regain the ability to walk and be mobile. She rocked out her academics and will graduate from high school next spring – an entire year early! Camie even got her driver’s license this year! Amazing! 365 days ago, I never could have imagined what today would look like.
As I think about the last 365 days of my life, there are so many different storylines to recall. Days of triumph, joy and peace mixed in with days of darkness, pain and confusion. Of course, I wish that there were more of the good days than bad ones, but as I get older, I’ve learned that the keeping score isn’t the point.
Sooooo, now I am 41. Yep, 41. This year, I choose to be grateful for the chance to live out every unknown (sometimes difficult or scary moments). When I remember that God has plans, not problems, I cope with life so much better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New Living Translation)
As a reforming control-freak, one of my biggest issues is not worrying about the future. Yet, God’s plans are for me. Whatever problems I am currently navigating are a part of His plan and thankfully, I can’t screw up His plan. Whew.
So, if you’re wondering what I am doing for my birthday this year, I’m repeating the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13 to myself. Over and over again…
