by Barb Roose | Aug 21, 2018 | Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
by Barb Roose
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do,
but gets you nowhere. –Anonymous
Have you ever found yourself worrying about the bad things that could happen-whether they involve your family, your job, your finances, your health, or your future? Me too!
Have you ever spent a sleepless night worrying about the state of our nation or our world? My friend, you are not alone. If I had a pair of shoes for every time that I worried about something in my life, I’d need 100 closets to hold all of those shoes.
Disclaimer…I do not actually own all of these shoes. But there are a few pairs in that pile that I’ve got my eyes on.
There have been many times in my life when I felt like I was losing the worry battle. I had so many headaches from worrying about my kids, my husband, my marriage, or my career. Oh, the hours I spent pacing the floor at night thinking, rethinking, and overthinking all of the worries in my life. Every question in my mind began with “what if” and ended with some awful worst-case scenario. I tried to control my worries by trying to control everything and everyone in my life. But that never worked!
When Jesus spoke to the crowd, I imagine that he was speaking to people just like me when he said in Matthew 6:27 (NLT), “Can all of your worries add a single moment to your life?”
That is such a powerful truth?!
One study reported that the average person worries 55 minutes per day. That’s one hour per day that you spend day-dreaming or obsession about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. This means that you spend almost an hour each day imagining or obsessing about bad things happening to you or the people that you love. Furthermore, what happens to us when we worry? We get headaches, jittery nerves, upset stomachs, and just so tired. Worry really wears us out!
Since research also tells us that 80% of what you worry about never happens, the reality is this: Your worrying time is likely wasted time. By the time that you’re 50 years old, you’ve spent over 1,000,000 minutes of your life worrying. You don’t have to live this way!
Your life is precious! Are you tired of losing the best and precious minutes of your life stressed out and sleepless from worry?
Here is a list of five healthy and productive things that you can do the next time your mind starts to fixate on “what if” worries:
- Replace “what if” with the “God if…”
Your first line of defense against worry is prayer. Now, you don’t have to be a perfect prayer to pray, just a person who is willing and humble enough to pray.
Worry is a sign that we’re trying to solve our problems on our own. Prayer is the symbol that we’re willing to let God help us with our problems. So when you think “what if,” practice saying “God, if…” and fill in your fear. That is the beginning of your prayer, friend. Be honest with God and He wants to hear what you have to say.
- Read favorite Bible verses or a devotional.
One of my favorite sayings about our mind is Beware, your mind is a dangerous neighborhood, don’t go there on your own.
If you’re in a bad place mentally, infuse your mind with a healthy voice. Keep a list of healthy Bible verses close by or pull out a devotional and fill your mind with words that will focus you on God.
- Make a gratitude list.
Author Ann Voscamp said it best when she said “Gratitude is the birthplace of joy.” We worry because we’re afraid of losing something or someone that we love or care about. So, gratitude list as an essential reminder of how God has taken care of us in the past. Give yourself a goal of writing down 100 blessings on your gratitude list. As you remember how big God is, your worries will shrink way.
- Listen to music.
Music will change your mood! I like to listen with my headphones in because they block out other distractions. If you want to really change your mood, sing-along. You can’t sing and worry at the same time! Don’t believe? Try it!
- Walk and listen to a Christ-centered or uplifting messages/podcasts.
This was my #1 go-to strategy for the past couple of summers during a very stressful time in my family’s life.
I’m sure that I looked like Forrest Gump walking and walking and walking through our neighborhood, but all of those miles really helped me in a powerful way! The physical act of walking allowed my body to release endorphins to uplift my mood so I physically felt better. Then, Christ-centered YouTube messages and podcasts kept my mind healthy, which is so, so important! By the way, it’s Podcast Week over on my Better Together podcast. Click here to listen to messages that with give you the hope, help, and the practical next steps to get better!
Some final thoughts…
Is there anything on this list that God might be nudging you to try today. It’s so important that you do anything other than nothing! BUT, you don’t have to do everything. This list provides options. You can take what you like and leave the rest.
I am not sure what you are going through right now, but I know that God is standing right next to you. And just know, that I am cheering for you.
SHARE A COMMENT: What are some healthy ways that you deal with anxiety or worry? Share your tips below and allow God to use you to bless someone else!
MORE FROM BARBROOSE.COM
Gather your friends or women at your church for my Joshua Bible study this fall! If you or someone that you know struggles with worry or anxiety, the Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle Bible Study combines powerful Biblical principles and practical tools that work to end those stressed out days and sleepless nights!
BONUS: If you host the study at your church, let me know and I’ll provide a personalized invite video that you can use on Facebook or send via Youtube. Email barb@barbroose.com to request the video.
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by Barb Roose | Aug 14, 2018 | Women's Topics
by Barb Roose
Thank you to those of you who continue to reach out to ask how our family is doing. You just don’t even know how much your words have encouraged my heart!
However, a few of your emails linger in my mind, particularly those of you who wrote something like this: “Barb, thank you for speaking up. I’m in the same situation with my husband, but it’s not something we talk about in our family.”
If you sent one of those emails, you are God’s answer to my prayer: “God, do I really have to keep talking about this? This is so hard! Can’t I just go back to posting Bible verses and pictures of flowers?”
In the past few weeks, God has led me down a different path. A scarier and harder path. Along the way, I’ve been so blessed by how you’ve prayed for my family, especially my kids and my husband. I believe that with God all things are possible. But, I also know that many of you prayed, yet your marriage still ended. I am so sorry for your heartache. The hard truth that I must embrace is that God will either heal my marriage or He will heal me. Since I don’t know what will happen, my plan is to walk by faith each day and leave the future to God.
Today, I’m sharing my journey from keeping our situation a secret, maintaining privacy and being led to make it public.
First, vocabulary time. Here’s the difference between bad secrets, privacy, and making something public:
- Bad Secret: Important information that affects the welfare of others but that information is withheld or there is a refusal to purposefully talk about it.
- Private: Information given to those who need awareness or protection but isn’t widely circulated to everyone else.
- Public: Putting it out there on Facebook…
Are ALL secrets bad?
`No. Not all secrets are bad. If there is something in your life that you don’t want to talk about and it affects only you, then keep it to yourself. Did you get cut from the cheer squad in high school but you don’t like to talk about it? You do you. Lose your first job out of college before you met your spouse? No worries.
However, a bad secret is a hush-hush matter that we don’t want to talk about it AND people have been hurt because of it. That’s a bad secret.
I spent three years keeping my husband’s suspected drinking problem a secret from my kids and family. I didn’t know how to talk about it. All I knew is that something was changing in our lives, but not for the better. Even though I started talking to a counselor, I never said a word to anyone else. Meanwhile, my fears mounted. I started losing my temper often. I cried a lot. Still, I kept silent.
Then, a major event happened and that was when I realized that I couldn’t keep silent any more…
My journey from secrecy to privacy…
After an alcohol-related crisis in 2011, my husband and I separated for two weeks. This was at my insistence. I was angry. I wasn’t kind or gracious about his struggle. All I could think about was my pain and what had happened to me. Now, it hurt too much to be silent, so I told the ladies in my small group at the time. I felt so sick sharing my secret, but they responded with compassion. Oddly enough, I felt less sick after talking.
About this same time, I called my father-in-law, Brent. He was the first person that I opened up and really talked with about my husband’s struggle. My father-in-law struggled with alcohol addiction until his 50’s before finding freedom in AA. His addiction cost him a lot, but he finally broke free of his painful past by walking the hard-fought road to recovery. Brent gave me helpful language to talk about addiction. Most of all, he didn’t criticize me for talking. He had compassion for the situation that we were in.
Once I began felt more comfortable after talking with my father-in-law, I began conversations with my husband, other family members, close friends, and my kids. I must be honest, the conversations in those early years didn’t go well. I was angry and scared, so I blamed, argued, and got defensive. I also discovered that I had to daily surrender my fears to God in order for counseling and recovery to actually make a difference. I knew that in order to give my kids the best chance for their future, we needed to talk openly and purposefully about what was happening in our family.
Surrounding myself with safe, wise, and trusted voices was essential to privacy. Anything less will drive you back to secrecy. What do safe, wise and trusted voices sound like? They know how to listen well. They do not shut down your opinions. Most of all, they don’t “should” all over you! Instead, they let you discover the path and they love and cheer you along the way.
This is why I’m a huge fan of recovery groups like Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), and Al-Anon. There’s a better chance of finding safe voices to help you break away from secrecy than any place else. What happens next is up to you. As they say in recovery, “It only works if you work it.” (By the way, you may be super angry the first time you attend a recovery meeting. It’s okay. Most all of us felt that way, too. Go for three meetings and then decide if you should keep going.)
Since my situation was no longer a secret, I began to get better. I talked. I learned. I felt healing come into my life.
But, I didn’t feel the need to talk about our family’s situation publicly, whether in books, keynote messages or social media. Privacy worked for me.
Until this year…
The line between private and public is a personal decision.
The tipping point is whether or not sharing one’s experience can making a lasting and positive impact on the lives of others.
(If you go to my church, you know that I totally ripped off that italicized phrase!)
I hadn’t planned on talking publicly about my marriage separation or my husband’s battle with alcohol addiction until later – much later. Like years from now. In my mind, I planned to tell our story in a blog post, book or keynote message. I planned to start my story with something sounded like: Well, there’s a story that I need to tell you about a difficult time in my life long ago. But praise God it’s over and we’re all together and doing great.
But that is not the story that I get to tell.
While writing this post, it occurred to me that my father-in-law was the person who helped me move from secrecy to privacy. Then, it was his death a month ago (July 19) that moved me from privacy to talking publicly. I will forever be grateful to Brent for being there and helping me learn how to talk about something that I didn’t know how to talk about.
My father-in-law passed away from a massive heart attack in my husband’s arms. Two days after Brent’s death, I felt God telling me that it was time to talk publicly about our situation. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. All of the fear and feelings that once came with secrecy came roaring back when I felt God calling me to talk publicly.
I began praying and asking God for wisdom to do what it seemed that He was leading me to do. I reached out to three wise friends who suggested that I wait until I had the margin to write and respond to emails. Ten days later, I spent an entire day writing that first public blog post. Seven girlfriends reviewed my blog to make sure that it was as kind, honest, and respectful as I possibly could be. Next, I sent the post in advance to my kids and husband. Then I sent it to my family and my husband’s side of the family. After they had a few days of time, then, I shared the public news.
How did it feel? I felt nauseous and sick.
I really wanted to escape the entire matter. I’ve had to fight waves of fear. I’m sharing them because if you’re facing some real and raw fears about sharing a secret or taking publicly, I want you to know that you’re not alone…
What if my husband’s side of the family stops speaking to me?
What if talking publicly is the final straw and my husband walks away for good?
What if people aren’t cool around my kids?
I wish that I could tell you that these fears have completely gone away. They haven’t. But, just because they are fears, I have the tools to help me not be afraid. I handle those fears when they pop up and I move on.
For those who are grappling with family secrets, I hope that sharing my story gives you a chance to think about what God may want you to do with your story. Notice how important it was for me to have safe and wise voices in my life to support me. Also, the choice to share can’t be made by anyone else other than you. Don’t let others force you into speaking up or out if you aren’t ready.
If you feel like it might be time to move from secrecy to privacy or from privacy to making something public, remember this:
It’s okay if it feels really hard;
It’s okay if you feel like you want to throw up;
Do it with kindness and respect so that others can support you;
It’s okay if you do it scared.
Most of all, you’ll survive.
LEAVE A COMMENT: Why is talking about our family secrets so hard?
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by Barb Roose | Aug 8, 2018 | Reflections
If you read my blog post last week, you know that I had to make a painful, but necessary decision to move out of my home due to a long-term, on-going addiction issue. Friends, I want to thank you for your respectfulness of our family, especially my husband and children in your comments. We are ever so grateful for your prayers.
Do you remember that scene at the beginning of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy gets hit in the head by a piece of wood and she wakes up in the middle of a tornado? There she is sitting on her bed, flying through the air and watching parts of her life fly by the window. Dorothy can’t do anything in that moment but watch and go with the uncontrollable flow.
This is a pretty apt description of my life.
Like the rotating wind in a tornado, my life is spinning real fast. Storms are uncontrollable and scary. Not only that, but they can cause a lot of damage! Last week, a small tornado struck the town next to me. A Facebook video showed a SUV sitting in a parking lot minding its own business before high winds whisked it away from its former place. Likewise, much of what I’ve known, loved, protected, wished for, or dreamed about feels swept up and away. I see everything and everyone moving around me, but much of my life is out of place. Each day I wonder when and how things will land. I wonder what will be left when the fierce winds die down…
What will survive the storm undamaged?
What treasures will be broken, but salvageable?
What will be mourned, swept up and thrown away?
The past six weeks have been pretty rough and painfully raw. However, the reality is that this crisis has been going on for a long time. It’s become a form of normal that I’d never wish on anyone. We’ve broken and been put back together at other times. So many times I’ve wondered how much could one relationship endure? For the past year, I feared another separation. I wonder if the third time will be the charm or if we’re looking at three strikes and we’re out. I don’t know.
If we jump out of my story for a moment, I’ve heard from so many of you. Wow. There’s a large and silent community of spouses whispering another form of “me, too.” In the middle of my tornado, I’ve felt an instant connection of new friends who understand the tension between the need to speak a painful truth while trying to protect the privacy of kids and struggling spouses. I’m so proud of each of you that shared your story with me and I’m praying for each and every one of you!
Then, I received a few emails from individuals who struggled on and off with alcohol addiction. They wrote to say that they needed to recommit to recovery and they asked me to pray for their families. Wow. Just wow.
God is always at work. Even in my crazy, swirling, unpredictable tornado.
One of the questions that I’m asked is “How do you get through this?” I like this question so much more than “How are you doing?” I don’t have an answer for that question because too much has happened. But, I do have an answer for the first question: Let God lead and the answers will come.
Letting God lead is the necessary cure for anyone that struggles with patience. Like me. Anyone else struggle with patience?
In my blog last week, I mentioned that I would share some of the mistakes that I’ve made. Impatience caused many mistakes and much heartache. Years ago, I pulled together a poorly-planned family intervention to force my husband into recovery. I was tired of hurting, so I decided that it was time to “fix” him. It was a disaster because I got in a hurry and pushed an agenda that God wasn’t in charge of. Yes, I prayed about the intervention, but I didn’t let God lead the timing. I made myself in charge of that.
When we don’t let God lead our plans, then our plans often lead us toward an outcome that we don’t want. In my case, Fear plus impatience equaled disaster.
Can you think of a few times when you struggled to let God lead and ended up with a disaster? Any of these resonate with you?
Your dream guy isn’t proposing fast enough so you compromise your standards in order to keep him….
You find a just-over-the budget dream home, but panic because you’re afraid of not getting it so you take out a hefty loan that keeps you up at night…
Your spouse is struggling or not getting with your program so you resort to nagging or lecturing to pressure him straighten up his wayward behavior.
It’s been said that while the early bird gets the worm, it’s the second mouse gets the cheese. Don’t jump too quick for something that God isn’t ready to give you.
How do we let God lead?
I love the story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan River before they entered the Promised Land (Joshua 3). God told Joshua to instruct the millions of Israelites to let the ark of the covenant start out toward the river before them. Joshua told the people to keep a half-mile distance or a 15-minute walk between themselves and the ark. Since the ark was the physical presence of God, the big picture principle behind command to stand back was this: Let God lead.
For me, this distance is also symbolic. Sometimes we get in a hurry when we’re trying to get something done. We pray and ask God for help or favor. At first, we try to be patient. But when God’s taking too long to get us what we want, we rush ahead into the unknown just because we’re too scared to stand still. But there was a reason why God told the people to wait for the ark to lead. “Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.” (Joshua 3:4 NIV).
When life is uncertain, this is the most important time to slow down and let God lead. Let’s be honest, when you don’t really know what you’re doing or where you’re going, there’s a greater chance that you’ll mess up or hurt others figuring things out. But, God knows exactly what He is doing in your life at all times! There are no dark corners in God’s vision. He will always lead you to His best for you.
What’s a clue that you’re rushing ahead of God? You know that you’re rushing ahead of God when you start stressing out, controlling people and worrying about details. When you wait on God to lead you through uncertain times, you ‘re far enough back to let God pave the way for you.
Learning to be patient and let God lead is a hard lesson. But every time I let go and let God, He shows up and leads me through uncertainty in a way that allows me to sleep well each night and manage through tough days with peace, strength and courage.
Eight months ago, we were all feeling tremendous pain and strain from an addiction that was advancing and not retreating. I began praying for direction. I stayed put and waited for God to reveal an answer. Six months ago, an event occurred and I heard a clear whisper in my heart that it was time. It wasn’t time to move in that moment, but time to begin the process. First, I sat down with my husband and let him know. I asked him again to pursue recovery because we didn’t want to leave. As the months unfolded without any change, I kept praying, wiping many tears and starting to prepare for what I’d hoped wouldn’t need to come.
But it did. So, I let God lead even though I didn’t want to go.
It was amazing how God dropped the details into place. An affordable and ideally located place to live opened up. As a bonus, the apartment was owned by a friend. The timing of the move left room for my girls and I to settle in and to grieve before getting back to work. By letting God lead, I didn’t have to force a single solution. He provided what needed, even in the middle of what seemed like chaos to me.
Letting God move means that we learn to wait on Him. Even when our lives feel like a tornado or we stuck in a season of uncertainty, we wait. God likes to make us wait so that we can watch Him move miraculously in our favor.
LEAVE A COMMENT: Do you struggle with letting God lead? When do you get impatient and want to rush ahead of God?
by Barb Roose | Apr 25, 2018 | Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
Last week was an incredible week! On Tuesday, I celebrated the launch of my new Bible study, Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle AND my new book, Winning the Worry Battle. It was a thrill to partner with the lead pastor of my church, Ben Snyder, to host a launch event titled, “Finding Freedom from Worry and Anxiety” Event on Tuesday, April 17. Here’s a quick slideshow of some of the fun photos from last week. (Pictures change every six seconds 🙂
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Over 400 people attended the one-hour event at my church and the event ran on Facebook Live with over 1700 views. Rather than just host a “buy my book” event, I dreamed of encouraging and equipping people to win their worry battle. Ben and I talked about the spiritual impact of worry and anxiety. My friend and church communications director, Eric, was our emcee and he worked behind the scenes to help me organize the entire night. I interviewed my friend and fellow leader, Lauren Snyder. Eight years ago, Lauren had to fight her own worry battle when a friend of hers passed away after battling cancer. Lauren talked about how God led her toward health and wholeness with the help of her healthcare provider, wise voices in her life, and an ongoing commitment to community and accountability.
After the Tuesday night launch event, I joined the Aspire Women Events tour for three days of events in Cincinnati, Medina, and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. What a thrill! Holy moly friends, it was such a wonderful experience! Not only did I have a chance to share a message from my new Joshua Bible study and Winning the Worry Battle book, but I partnered in ministry with some extraordinary women. Aspire Events emcee and worship leader, Mia Koehne has an incredible talent for music and an inspiring personal story. Comedians Anita Renfroe and Kristin Weber made my face cheeks hurt with their hysterical stories and great songs.
The cherry on top of every event is connecting with the ladies, whether they stop by to buy a book or just want to say “hi.” God uses the women that I meet to bless me, encourage me, and remind me of just how much God takes care of us.
Friends, for those who have been praying for me over these months, thank you. You know that it’s been a long road. Writing two books in less than a year, losing my dad, and navigating a few other life situations has made for quite challenging year. So, to God to be the glory! He has brought me through and I am celebrating with you!
Thank you all for your love and support!
by Barb Roose | Mar 27, 2018 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Joshua & Winning the Worry Battle
By Barb Roose
For most of my adult life, I thought that being a worrier was a sign that I cared about others.
If I worried about someone that meant that I cared about their safety and happiness. So, I would devote my mental energy to identifying all of the ways that my family or friends might miss optimum happiness, hurt or kill themselves. It didn’t matter if they were thinking about trying a new hairstyle or daring to attend a college across the country, I was going to point out everything that could possibly go wrong so that they could avoid a tragedy.
But, what happens to us when we spend our time thinking about all of the things that could hurt, harm or kill the people in our lives? Eventually, our minds get stuck in that kind of worst-case scenario thinking. Did you know that 85% of what we’re afraid of happening never actually happens? So, when you’re churning all of the “what-if” scenarios about your daughter going on a missions’ trip or your son heading off to college, 85% of what you are stressing out about won’t happen.
Why do we believe that worrying is a symbol of caring for others?
If we worry about people because we care about them, then why does worry only produce negative feelings in us? I don’t know about you, but the more I allowed myself to worry, the more trapped I felt in a world of worry. Instead of feeling happiness for the people that I loved, I began to only feel fear, which opposes and tries to suffocate the power of love.
Here are three ways that worry makes us feel crazy:
1. Worry pretends to be productive.
When nothing changes, you feel crazy because you thought that by worrying you were actually doing something to make positive change happen.
2. Worry doesn’t have to work hard work to take over your mind.
Worry feels like your subscription to Netflix. It’s always available and once you begin streaming WorryFlix, you end up binge-worrying your entire life before you know it.
3. Worry produces horrible feelings that stress you out during the day and keep you up at night.
Isn’t it amazing how something in your mind makes your body respond in real ways? While you’re imagining the worst, your heart is racing and you feel real fear. Have you ever finished worrying and REAL tears were streaming down your face? And it was all in your imagination…
How worry made me feel crazy and out of control…
Seventeen years ago, my battle with worry peaked when one of my kids was struggling at school. Her teacher sent home notes and we had numerous meetings. I loved my sweet girl, but my fear over her future consumed me. Dozens of “what if” worst case scenarios drove me crazy! For weeks, I stressed out over my child’s health during the day and I paced the floor because I couldn’t sleep at night. Like Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, all of my worries didn’t add a single quality moment to my life or my child’s life.
So, what changed? I had to admit that worry was my flawed way of playing God instead of taking the time to pray to God.
Then, I had to replace those places in my mind where worry got good and comfortable with God’s Word. I had to commit myself to filling my brain with Bible verses that spoke against worry like this one:
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
—1 Peter 5:7
If you’ve always been a worrier, can I suggest that you either memorize this verse or type it into your cell phone. Whenever worry tries to take up space in your life, allow God to use this verse to kick that worry out of your mind and replace it with peace. Trust me, it does work! But, you’ve got to put the work into it!
Do I still worry at times? Yes! I’ll always have to fight against worry, but I don’t have to live as a worrier.
When you know how to use God’s Word to win against worry, you will wake up energized every day and excited about life because you know that God will give you victory over any worry that comes your way. Don’t waste another day of your life fighting a losing worry battle!
Don’t waste another day of your life fighting a losing worry battle!
LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW: Are you a worrier? What things do you worry about most?
About Barb Roose…
Barb loves reaching women and teaching them to win at life with God-empowered strength and dignity. She is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including April 2018 releases, Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle (Bible study) and Winning the Worry Battle. She is the host of the Better Together Podcast and loves diving into tough topics that women want to know. Barb and her husband, Matt, are the parents of three daughters. Barb loves Jesus, travel, her FitBit, chocolate-peanut butter ice cream, and fabulous high heel shoes.
