by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
by Barb Roose | Aug 20, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
I’m Gaby Muñoz, I live in Guatemala and I’m the head of FaithSeeds, an organization dedicated to help children and break the cycle of poverty through love and education. My greatest dream is to build two schools and a shelter for the orphans, widows, and abandoned women. I love reading and dancing.
I never considered myself normal. I’ve never been someone that fit in the popular crowd. And I love it.
When I was young, I was the good kid with the best grades in school, so, of course, my parents were always proud of me. I came to Jesus when I was sixteen, because I was craving God. I wanted to know Him, to know if He was real.
At 17, I graduated high school. I was popular because I had the best grades, not because I was cool. I had already decided to save my first kiss for my husband, and I knew I was not going to get married while I was a teenager. So I had no problem staying away from boyfriend issues until I was twenty-two years old. By then, I was in business school, I was one of the youth leaders at church, and I was working as my pastor’s secretary. Life was good. Still I was after Jesus; I just knew there was more of Him.
So, I met this guy. He was a little shy, kind, very nice. As extra bonus, he was super cute. We became friends. Then, we developed feelings for each other. Still, I didn’t want a relationship though. I was waiting for the one I would marry, but I couldn’t deny my feelings for him. I don’t know how it happened, but he became very demanding about my looks. My features are not that of a skinny girl. They never have been, but I was okay with it. Every time we talked, he would ask me to go on a diet or to go to the gym; he thought I needed to lose weight. Then my closest friends joined him.
Gaby working with some of the kids through her organization, Faithseeds.
By the time I turned 24, I started to think that “the one” for me would never show up because I was fat. I believed that my friends and that guy were right; I needed to lose weight in order to be beautiful.
As a coincidence, I met this lady at the bus stop who happened to sell certain products to lose weight. They were very expensive, but I tried them. In two months, I lost 18 pounds. I started dropping sizes and everyone noticed how attractive I looked! This lady said I shouldn’t use the product anymore. According to her, I looked good already, so losing more weight wouldn’t be good for me.
However, I then had some guys interested in me and I liked the feeling. So, I couldn’t afford the risk of getting fat again. That’s when I decided to stop eating.
I got so obsessed that I thought that a glass of water would make me gain weight. My temper changed. I was grumpy all the time, and I learned to lie. When my friends would ask me if I ate, I told them I ate at home.
One day, my mom told me that my dad was crying the night before because he thought I might have issues with anorexia. God knows how I love my parents, so the fact that my dad was sad made me miserable. Of course, I denied it to my mom. I told her they were crazy and I felt bad about that. So, I decided to start eating again for them. However, I couldn’t stand the idea of having food in my body. First I tried throwing up, but I hated it. Then, I was introduced to the world of laxatives. I started using laxatives in a very abusive way to get rid of the food I ate.
I kept dropping weight and I looked terrible. Yet, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, in my head I looked obese. Deep inside I knew what I was doing to myself, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t eat; food was the most disgusting thing to me. I started losing my hair and my period stopped, but I just couldn’t eat. I wanted to be able to eat and not take laxatives, but it was stronger than me.
One night I felt so guilty. I prayed, “Jesus, if you are there and you can hear me, please help me get out of this.” But nothing changed. Then, one day I found the courage to confess to my mom. We both cried, and she encouraged me to hold on onto Jesus for this. She said they missed my joyfulness. They were worried about me because I looked like a walking bunch of bones.
At the city dump, Gaby serves one of the precious children that she works with in her organization.
My mom talked to my family and friends, and they all started a “Let’s save Gaby plan.” They called me often just to tell me I didn’t need to be skinny to be loved. There was always someone with me; they didn’t even let me go to the bathroom without someone waiting for me at the door. Somehow, it made me see that I was loved, and that made me want to stop. That is why I say that “Love rescued me.” It was a lot of prayer and love that gave me the strength to fight the voices in my head.
I went to the doctor and praise God, almost everything was normal. However, my stomach and my intestines were very hurt. My family and friends were very patient with me eating little by little again. Slowly, I started to heal. I felt forgiven by Jesus and by the people I love, but it took me a long time to forgive myself. I felt stupid knowing I could have diet and that I hurt my family and friends. Above all, I struggled with knowing that I had hurt Jesus. It took me about five years to heal emotionally.
I still struggle with the “beauty” subject. It’s been ten years since my battle with anorexia, but it is a constant battle in my soul. Now, as time has passed and my sweet Papa God has made His plans known to me – plans for me to rescue children from garbage dumps in my Guatemala. I’m here to fight for them to have a future worthy of a child of God. I want to be a part of changing their destinies for the glory of my Father. Now, I understand that the Enemy will always do all he can to stop the plans and purposes of God in our lives. He almost got me, but Jesus in His mercy rescued me with His love, and He is rescuing His precious children now.
Another one of the children that Gaby serves. God’s given her a dream to bring hope and life to those children.
One morning, while I was praying, Papa God told me to read Psalm 96. There’s one verse that talks about the beauty of a holy life, and it hit me. Then he led me to Psalm 45, which says that “The King is in awe of your beauty” and I got i!
I am beautiful to Him.
I am cherished and loved.
My precious children in the communities will come to me saying I am the prettiest girl, the most beautiful princess in the world. I think God does that because He knows I need that. I can’t imagine the number of people that die every day because of anorexia and bulimia. It hurts to know the number of purposes that are stopped because people choose it. I know that Jesus never wanted me to go through that. It was my choice; I chose to believe those lies.
I know now, though those thoughts still come to my mind, above all, I am beautiful – not because of myself, but because I was wonderfully made by the best artist. I am beautiful because of a beautiful Holy Spirit living inside of me. His plans are perfect, His timing is perfect, and His creation is perfect.
Thanks Gaby for sharing your story! I know that you encouraged and inspired many reading today! Friends, share this post and encourage someone today! Also, Click here if you’d like to find out more about Gaby’s organization, Faithseeds.
Blessings,
by Barb Roose | Mar 28, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
When was the last time you were naked and felt no shame?
Take a deep breath. We’re not going to talk about being physically naked, or ‘nekkid’ as many like to say. Today, we’re going to delve into what it means to step up and live with authenticity and vulnerability – being real and inviting people to get real with us. That’s what we can refer to as “emotional nakedness.”
Ummm, Barb. Uh, I’m not comfortable talking about this…
I know that you don’t want to talk about this, but stay with me. You NEED to lean into this one. Why? Because I know that there are places in your life where you want MORE than how you are living now! You want to live with purpose. But, you can’t live purpose if you only skim the top of what it means to be real with the people around you that you love and care about.
Living authentically occurs when our actions, beliefs and character are the same, no matter if we’re overheard talking with our kids at the store or we’re hanging out in the lobby at church. Authenticity is best described by the phrase “keepin’ it real.” Like on Saturday, I had to do eight loads of laundry and clean my house. It was a wreck. #keepitSERIOUSLYreal
Vulnerability is much scarier than authenticity. When you’re authentic, you don’t have to care about what people think, you’re just putting you out there. In my opinion, vulnerability is the highest form of emotional and spiritual nakedness.
Storyteller and researcher, Dr. Brene Brown, has elevated the discussion about the power of vulnerability. Here’s how she describes vulnerability: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Vulnerability seems a little like living at a nudist colony (not that I’ve ever been to one…) You are completely exposed to those around you and they can give you feedback on what they think and see. Yet, under the right conditions, vulnerability is powerful. When we allow people that we love and trust to speak truth into our lives, we learn to see past the blind spots that are holding us back or taking us down. Vulnerability gives us the precious knowledge that we are loved as we are and most importantly, for who we are.
God loves you as you are. But, He loves you too much to leave you as you are. He’s got great plans for you!
As you read that, you may have many reasons why God shouldn’t love you for what you’ve done or how you screamed at your kid today – but He loves you. As the old saying goes: “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you less.” It’s a shame that some of us are plagued by secret whispers that we don’t deserve or shouldn’t expect God’s best for us. That’s the voice of shame.
When we feel shame, it is a self-imposed shackle that we must break free from as soon as possible. Shame clouds our ability to see what God wants to do in us and through us.
Here’s a few questions for you to consider today. You are welcome to share your answers in the comments below or find a trust Christian friend or counselor to discuss:
- Where are the places where I feel ashamed, or unworthy of love or acceptance?
- How willing am I to let people get to know the real me? Where do I start shutting people out? Do I know why?
- What would it mean for my life if I could live “naked and unashamed?”
Only one more day left in our Beautiful Devotional! Thank you for joining me this week! I’d love to stay connected with you on a regular basis, so make sure to find me on Twitter (@barbroose) or join the community over at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul.
by Barb Roose | Mar 24, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
Allison’s name was changed in the story as a protection for her family members who were involved in some of the more difficult places in her life.
Is there a mistake from your past or a struggle with your size, shape or style that overcomes your heart with embarrassment or regret?
In my book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty, I interviewed a friend and former stripper, named Allison*, whose story is shared in Chapter 16 titled, “What we’ll give away for love.” The chapter opens with a line from her husband: “Honey, God took you from the pole to the pulpit.”
When Allison turned 18 years old, she began working in a strip club. Early in life, Allison learned that a woman could use her body to get men and things, so she decided to give dancing a try. At first, Allison’s new job was thrilling because she felt powerful. She decided who to dance with and for how much. Before long, Allison realized that she was being controlled and used by not just the customers, but the people who owned the club. That crushing revelation heaped pain and shame into her life.
Yet, she couldn’t break free. Allison continued to dance after she married and even until she was eight months pregnant.
It wasn’t until she looked into the eyes of her newborn daughter that Allison realized she needed to change: “I couldn’t keep showing myself to anyone and everyone who would give me a buck.”
Yet, after leaving the industry, the shame followed Allison around in the form of a secret that she couldn’t tell.
A few years later, Allison and her husband joined a local church and came to faith in Christ. Yet, she didn’t believe that she could truly be free and forgiven for her life choices. Her shame ran deep and strong.
For many years, Allison hoped that God would destroy the memories of who she was. She wanted to kill off that part of her indentity in hopes that the shame would die, too.
It wasn’t until Allison finally realized that freedom from shame wouldn’t happen until she fixed her heart and mind on the truth of God’s great love for her. The remaining part of the chapter deals with how God lovingly, yet painfully led Allison out of her shame toward God’s truth that she best sums up in Romans 8:1: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Instead of keeping her past a secret of out of shame, Allison allowed God to use her past to create connections with women who are working in the adult entertainment industry today. She brings love and hope to women who are looking for a way out as well as unconditional love and an open invitation to prayer for women who plan to keep dancing.
Now, God uses Allison in amazing ways that go far beyond what she ever could have dreamed!
Q4U: What kind of shame do you see women struggling to overcome? What stops Christian women from embracing the fullness of God’s forgiveness? Where do we struggle to forgive ourselves?
Beating yourself up won’t change a thing. Listen to this: You’ve got to let it out, before you can let it go! By the way, the BEST way to fight back is to share your struggle or secret with either a trusted Christian friend or counselor. Invite someone into your struggle today and ask them to journey with you and pray specifically for you.
Thanks for stopping by today! If this post has blessed you, please share this post on your social media! You can also read Allison’s entire story in my new book, Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty. Find out more by clicking HERE.
by Barb Roose | Aug 10, 2014 | Women's Topics
Brittany Kaelber wants to live in a world where cookie dough is at the top of the food pyramid, leg warmers never go out of style and there are more spontaneous song and dance numbers in everyday life. When she’s not working as a full-time video producer and a part-time photographer at CedarCreek Church, you can find her hanging out with her favorite awesome nerds, doing a marathon (of the TV variety), attending a country concert, with her nose in a good book, napping, or planning her next Disney vacation.
Brittany believes that life’s a journey -a lovely, hilarious, heartbreaking, amazing journey – and she loves sharing the beautiful, the ugly, and the awkward moments of her journey with all of you!
“Ever since college, I make friends. They get married. I lose friends.” -Chuck Palahniuk
As I get older, most of the people I know are either getting into serious relationships, getting engaged, getting married, or having kids. In fact, at the age of 30, more of my friends, family and co-workers are married than not. On top of that, I have no close friends that have ever been 30 and single. This could easily put a divide between my married friends and I. We could slowly drift apart.We have different priorities and different schedules and different challenges and we can’t truly understand each other’s place in life.
I, however, do not believe this is a death sentence to relationships between married people and singles. I don’t want to lose friends just because they’re married and I’m not! My married friends and their families add so much to my life. I believe careful honesty is the key. We must have a determination not to project our own insecurities, longings, fears, and frustrations out on the other. If we do that, then we can still have real, beneficial, and meaningful relationships.
So, here it is, the truth: this is what singles believe married people have forgotten about being single (or aspects of single-ness they never even experienced because they got married much younger than 30).
Single + Single does not equal a perfect match…We get the impression that a lot of married people do the math and come up with: single guy + single girl = match made in heaven. No, nope. Thank you for thinking of us . . . but there’s a little more to it than that.
Speaking of matchmaking . . . I won’t speak for every single, but I was not built for online dating. I know that there are ‘Plenty of Fish’ that I could be ‘Match’ed with and we might fall in love and live in perfect ‘EHarmony,’ but let me just ‘Tinder’ my resignation now, because I’m out! #notinthislifetime. No need to ask me if I’ve thought of trying it. I’m an old-fashioned girl. And speaking of old-fashioned, if you come across a “great Christian guy,” don’t tell us girls about him– tell him about us! We want to be pursued.
We still believe in fairy tales…Well, kind of. We know now that it’s not as easy as falling in love and making darling, perfectly behaved babies and living happily-ever-after, but we still believe in having our own beautifully quirky love story. Help us believe. We’ve heard it’s a lot of hard work . . .like, more hard work and less sleep than you could have ever imagined! Now, tell us about how much fun it is! There are fun parts, right?! I love what Mindy Kaling says, “part of me still thinks … is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals?”
Plus one? More like, plus none…When you’re single, you don’t have a built in “plus one.” We want to come to weddings and parties and even dinner with you and your couple friends, but sometimes it’s harder than you’d imagine. So, unless our odd-numbered singleness throws off the aesthetics of your evening, please invite us, but give us grace on those nights we decline. It may surprise you that there are times when hanging out with all couples will actually make us feel lonelier than staying home alone and watching Netflix. Not to mention that standing on the dance floor at a wedding, under a spotlight, with six little girls dancing around you to the blaring refrain of Single Ladies is . . . just horrible.
There is no “I” in team! But there’s an “I” in Single…Having a plus one at parties is just a small perk of marriage. You are now part of a team! You’ve procured not only a built-in date but also a best friend and a confidant; someone you can do life with and make big decision with. Your moments are their moments, happy and sad. They know you better than anyone. You are two who have become one.
Imagine not having that built into your life. It can be hard and even scary at times. Doing it by yourself doesn’t always come with the kind of freedom you might imagine; it comes with doubt and insecurity and uncertainty and longing. So, take care in saying things like “enjoy your freedom” or “appreciate your single years while you can” or “you’re so lucky you don’t have anyone to check-in with!” We envy the partnership you have and we’d give up spontaneous Grecian vacations or control over the remote to be a part of a team like that …or, let’s be real, even just to have someone who paid half our bills! Just kidding… about the remote. 🙂
What’s NOW vs. What’s NEXT?…Have you heard the idiom “in the meantime”? It means, “Until something else happens.” As a single, it can feel like everyone is just waiting for us to reach the next big milestone in our lives. Until then, they’re compassionate to our being stuck “in the meantime.” However, sympathetic refrains, inspirational quotes, and future predictions can be more harmful than helpful. We know that phrases like “you’re going to make a great wife/mother one day” or “that’s ok, you will find someone” are meant to be comforting, but it can make us feel like who we are now (who we might be forever) is not enough.
We may get married. We may make great wives and great mothers; we may find someone. But we might not. We want to know that who we are is enough. In fact, we’d like to know it’s more than enough. We’d love to know that you don’t see us as incomplete or running behind or stuck in the great singles waiting room of life. We want to know that the lives we’re living now (as singles) are complete, significant, thriving, successful and meaningful.
So, ask us WHAT’S NOW instead of WHAT’S NEXT because “in the meantime” our real lives are happening and we want to share them with you!
This is how you can pray for us…There are aspects of the single life we appreciate and even love, so we don’t need pity, but we’d love your prayers.
- Pray that we’ll use our single lives to honor God and that we’ll rest in knowing His plans and timing are far greater than ours.
- Pray that we won’t settle, but will wait for a spouse who loves Jesus and us with their whole hearts for their whole lives.
- Pray that we are made complete in Christ, so that no matter where our journey takes us we find our identity and worth in Him and not in our relationship status.…And if you want to pray “Lord, if it’s your will, please send Brittany a tall, funny and handsome fella who loves pizza, Netflix, and country music,” well, who am I to argue with God’s will?!
Talk back time…Are you single? What are some of the parts of being single that celebrate? Where do you struggle? What kind of support or prayers would you like from others?
Thank you Brittany for sharing your perspective with us! Ladies, if you’ve got friends who would be encouraged by Brittany’s words, share this post up by clicking the any of the share buttons. If you’d like weekly encouragement like this, I’d love to share it with you. Just enter your email address to subscribe and that’s it. Thanks for stopping by!
