by Barb Roose | Sep 25, 2018 | Women's Topics
It seemed like yesterday when I gave birth to my oldest child. Of course, yesterday was actually 26 years ago. Now, that child is packing up her apartment in preparation for an overseas military deployment later this year. Following close on her heels is my 23-old daughter, who’s planning to sign a lease on her first apartment later this week. My youngest daughter, also known as the one who qualified me for the Empty Nest Club, is settling into her second week of college. Yesterday, she texted me from the coffee shop because she’d spent two hours studying the wrong material for her medical terminology quiz.
From the time that my kids were born until now, I’ve worried about keeping them safe, well fed, happy or secure. When they were newborns, I watched their tiny chests lift up and down to make sure they were breathing. I guarded my babies to keep them from tipping into sharp table corners as they tried to stand and take those wobbly first steps. And once my kids began walking, a multitude of new fears and worries walked into my life…
Once our kids start walking, we spend the rest of our lives gritting our teeth and wringing our hands worrying if our grown up bundles of joy will be okay. Will my son make the right decision about college? What if my daughter loses her job? What if that young woman isn’t good enough for my boy?
Some moms also have to face deeper, darker worries and heart-breaking questions. Like the mom who told me about how much she loved her 30-year old son, but his on-going drinking problem was wrecking his life. Out of guilt for her own mothering mistakes, she’d pay his bills, let him move back in and talked to creditors. However, the years of stress over his problems and the financial burden of bailing him out caused her to lose sleep at night and cry all of the time.
When I meet women at conferences or retreats to sign books, I always ask what they worry about most. At least half of the women say, “I worry about my adult kids.” Many of those women answer with shiny eyes filled with unshed tears. Sweet friend, if that is you today, you aren’t alone.
One of the most well-known verses in the Bible contains the wisdom and advice that all mamas, no matter the age or stage of their children – need to hear. Do me a favor and read this verse aloud so that your mind AND ears can hear the peace and the plan that God wants to give to you:
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
These verses are God’s encouragement for you, my friend. Whatever you are worried about today, give it to God. It doesn’t matter if you’re worried about your little ones, big kids, adult children or even children yet to be born, give those worries AND those kids over to God. Be real and honest about what is tearing up your heart, whether it’s a child who won’t do their homework or a son or daughter who never calls to check in. Tell God about it.
Then give thanks. Please don’t forget this part!
In the middle of our fear and worry, gratitude gets pushed aside. Our minds get so focused on what we lack, we forget the love that we’ve given and received. Thank God for the moments that you have spent with your children. Even when life is really hard, nothing is ever all bad. There is healing in gratitude, so don’t deprive yourself of it.
Ultimately, God wants us to give up our worries so that He can give us peace.
Mom, would you rather have worry or peace when your child is going through a tough time? Peace doesn’t come without surrendering your worry. If you want to hold onto all of those negative thoughts and panic, God will let you to do just that. But God has something better waiting for you.
If you’re ready to let God handle all of the worries about your kids, go ahead and tell God about it. If you need words, you can use these:
Dear God, I’m so overwhelmed with worry about my child. You know how much I love them and it’s so hard for me to see them in this situation. Yet, I know that my worries and my fears aren’t doing anything but making me miserable. God, I am so afraid that ___________________________ will happen. I need to surrender that fear to you and trust that You are watching over my child and that I can trust You with his/her life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
by Barb Roose | Sep 11, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
When we are intentional moms, it assists us in becoming less-stressed moms.
When we bring our babies home from the hospital, our dream is to raise them in a happy and healthy home. But, from the time that we get pregnant or we announce plans to adopt, others begin giving us their opinions about what we should or shouldn’t do. If we’re not careful, other people’s input will confuse us and add a lot of stress to our already busy lives.
Today, I’m continuing my fun and freeing conversation with my friend, Susan Seay. She’s a speaker, author, and homeschool mom to seven – yes, seven kids! Susan is the author of Intentional Motherhood: Parenting on Purpose When Life Gets Busy.
If you listened to part one of our interview, the podcast ended with Susan saying that she hit the wall after the birth of her seventh child.
“I became so burdened with my efforts to be a “good mom” and trying to do all the things a “good mom” should do. My list of “should’s” was so long I was ready to give up. In fact, I did give up. I announced it one night at dinner to my husband with a simple “I’m done!” – Susan Seay, speaker and author
During this episode, Susan shares about the crucial conversations that she had with her husband, Ron about their individual expectations of what it meant to be a good mom and a good dad. In Susan’s effort to be a great mom and Ron’s drive to be a great dad, the couple discovered that their unspoken expections actually drove a wedge in their relationship with each other.
As you listen to Susan talk about how they worked through this challenge to their marriage and family, you’ll love her sense of humor and insight. Ultimately, Ron and Susan discovered the key to reshaping their family and unifying them for the future.
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- How core values can keep your family focused and help you make decisions with less conflict;
- Why Susan always lets her kids let go of a hug first;
- How Susan uses technology to stay connected with her kids;
LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW: How do you sort out all of the opinions and information out there about how you should raise your kids?
LINKS FROM TODAY’S SHOW
Susan Seay Website | Facebook | Choosing Your Values Podcast
Through the “Mentor 4 Moms” Podcast and the relatable style found in her book The Intentional Parent: Parenting On Purpose When Life Gets Busy, you get a sense of Susan’s heart to provide encouragement to moms combined with helpful practical tools. As a wife and mom to 7, she truly understands the challenges of trying to be an Intentional Parent. Susan has been a mentor to women locally in Austin, Tx and Internationally for over a decade.
Check out these other Better Together episodes:
by Barb Roose | Sep 11, 2018 | Better Together Podcast, Women's Topics
I became so burdened with my efforts to be a “good mom” and trying to do all the things a “good mom” should do. My list of “should’s” was so long I was ready to give up. In fact, I did give up. I announced it one night at dinner with a simple- “I’m done!” -Susan Seay, mother of seven (yes, seven!)
Mom, do you ever “should” all over yourself?
- I should do another load of laundry…
- I should stay up late and make cookies for my daughter’s class…
- I should volunteer to drive carpool, even though I’m working late this week.
Sometimes those “should” feel so heavy and make us feel like we’re buried under unreasonable expectations.
If you’ve ever struggled with the “should,” you’ll love my conversation with my dear friend, Susan Seay. She’s a speaker and author living in Austin, TX. Susan and her husband, Ron are the parents to seven, yes seven kids. Not only that but Susan is a homeschool mom, who also supports and consults with other homeschooling moms on a national level. Susan is the author of Intentional Motherhood: Parenting on Purpose When Life Gets Busy.
Susan and I have been friends online for almost a year, but we met IRL (in real life) in July at the She Speaks Conference, hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. Susan actually flew from her home in Texas to help me out with my workshops –that’s a great friend! On top of that, I got to see Susan in action as she provided gentle and loving encouragement to every woman who crossed her path. If you meet Susan, she’s going to make your life better, whether you talk to her for one minute or an hour.
As a speaker and author, Susan’s wheelhouse is that she is a mentor for moms. And as the mother of seven, she’s got some great expertise in that area.
During our Better Together conversation today, Susan talks about a trap that is so easy for moms to fall into – the quest to be the mom that tries to do everything.
Susan and I will discuss:
- The crazy questions that people ask when they find out that she has seven kids;
- A GENIUS trick that Susan used when her kids lost their minds in the grocery store;
- What unreasonable expectations makes moms tired and discouraged;
- Stories of encouragement that will put a smile on your face;
- Overcoming the trap of perfection.
About Susan Seay…
Through the “Mentor 4 Moms” Podcast and the relatable style found in her book The Intentional Parent: Parenting On Purpose When Life Gets Busy, you get a sense of Susan’s heart to provide encouragement to moms combined with helpful practical tools. As a wife and mom to 7, she truly understands the challenges of trying to be an Intentional Parent. Susan has been a mentor to women locally in Austin, Tx and Internationally for over a decade.
LINKS
Susan Seay Website | Podcast | Intentional Parenting Book
LEAVE A COMMENT: What’s the worst piece of mom-advice that you ever received?
by Barb Roose | Feb 7, 2018 | Better Together Podcast
Are you tired of cleaning up the same messes day after day? Are you tired of making dinner, changing diapers or driving carpool day after day?
If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, you aren’t alone! In fact, you’re invited into a guilt-free zone for a precious conversation today about embracing God’s grace in the messiness of motherhood.
On this episode of the Better Together podcast, my guest is speaker and author, Amy Seiffert. She’s the author of the new book, Chin Up: Wearing Grace, Strength and Dignity When Motherhood Unravels Our Soul. Amy and her husband, Rob live in NW Ohio and they are the parents of three kids. For the past 16 years, Amy has been writing and speaking on staff with Cru and she’s the Director of Outward Movement at Brookside Church in Bowling Green, OH. 
Before she became a mom, Amy pictured motherhood as a beautiful dress that she saw her friends wearing so beautifully. However, Amy felt that her motherhood dress felt floppy and didn’t fit quite right. She says that every time she tried to adjust or change, her motherhood dress would shift and expose the things that she wanted to keep covered up.
Amy and I talk about how she found God’s grace in the mundane and maddening tasks of motherhood. If you’ve ever struggled with endless laundry, Mom, I’m hungry, hated playing Barbies or was tempted to burn your kids’ puzzles, Amy’s been there.
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered around changing our perspective on the endless loads of laundry or those long sleepless nights. I love how Amy’s former seminar professor calls those seemingly mundane tasks “maintaining and sustaining.” In her book, Amy writes that when we see the sunrise and sunset or the seasons change, those are examples of how God maintains and sustains our world. Amy was encouraged when she realized that her maintaining and sustaining tasks like laundry, making dinner and changing diapers mirrored God’s work in our world. I hope that you listen in for that powerful conversation.
As we talk about Chin Up, Amy shares her struggle to overcome anger, letting go of unrealistic expectations and most of all, how she’s learning to embrace God’s grace in motherhood., if you’ve been beating yourself up for not being the kind of mom that you want to be or think that you should be, Amy’s story is you’ve been beating yourself up for not being the kind of mom that you want to be or think that you should be, Amy’s story is
Sweet friend, if you’ve been beating yourself up for not being the kind of mom that you want to be or feeling guilty about not always enjoying motherhood, Amy’s story is perfect encouragement for you.
SHARE A COMMENT! What are your favorite “mom” moments with your kids?
PODCAST SHOW LINKS:
Amy Seiffert’s website
Connect with Amy on Facebook
Buy Chin Up on Amazon.com
Barb Roose is the host of the Better Together podcast. Barb is passionate about reaching women and teaching them to win at life with God-empowered strength and dignity. She loves speaking at women’s conferences and events on the topics of fear and worry, self-care and leadership. Barb is the author of multiple books and Bible studies, including April 2018 releases, Winning the Worry Battle (book) and Joshua: Winning the Worry Battle (Bible study). Check out Barbroose.com for more information.
Check out this episode!
by Barb Roose | Apr 11, 2014 | Women's Topics
Samantha leaving for camp this past Monday
So, it’s the end of the school year. Many of you are celebrating kindergarten or high school graduations and every other kind of milestone in-between. If you’ve got a few tissues left and want to keep that nostalgic feeling going, this re-post about letting go of our children grow up is dedicated to you…
This week, my 18-year old daughter, Samantha, has been away at camp. A few months ago, she interviewed to be a 5th grade camp counselor and was thrilled to be selected.
My soon-to-be-graduated senior bolted from my car on Monday with a big smile on her face. As she grabbed her bags and slammed the car door (because SOMEONE doesn’t have her license yet…) Samantha’s final words were: “Have a great week, Mom. Don’t miss me.”
I have missed her this week. And, I’ve also realized that the time is quickly approaching that I will be missing her much more and often. She graduates from high school at the end of next month and my second child will be off to begin her life.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Springtime always reminds me that life is meant to grow and blossom. Even our kids…
Sami, Kate and Abbie – Christmas 2000
When my girls were babies, there was no Facebook or any other social media. Which meant that there was no reason to take weekly photos of my little Roosters spread on a pretty blanket with a chalkboard or ABC blocks with their ages on it.
But, I did have a disposable Fuji camera, y’all. Only 2 out of the 24 pictures ever turned out nicely, but those memories were captured just the same. I’ve got stacks of slightly blurry, kinda dark photos of some very special moments.
First smile…first up-the-back diaper blowout…first jar food…first sleeping in the crib…first ride on the tricycle…first unplanned haircut…
Back then, motherhood was all about getting my children to those “first” moments. “When will they…?” was always on my mind. The thrill of motherhood meant that I couldn’t wait for those “first” moments.
That is, until those “first” moments started to take my girls away from me…
Matt, Kate and Samantha on Kate’s first day of kindergarten. Seems like yesterday…
Mamas, remember those first steps? Remember the moment when your little one let go of your fingers? Your heart burst with pride and fear at the same time. Those first steps away from you were the best and worst moment of your life. As much as you embraced your child’s new journey, there was something deep inside that urged you to push that baby down and tie him or her to a safety seat. Go, go, go…no, stay with me…
Once our kids start moving on their own, it just seems that they are constantly moving away from us. And we want them to go. But, we want them to stay, right?
While writing this post, my oldest daughter emailed me to let me know that she’s going to New Mexico this summer. That’s in addition to her trip to South Korea and two weeks of training. So, this summer, she’ll be home for only five days. Less than 150 hours.
“Don’t miss me, Mom…”
Over the years I’ve discovered that ‘letting go’ is a season all it’s own. We don’t just let go on any given day. Instead, there are many, many letting go moments. Good moments that taste bittersweet. Good moments that make us smile and cry at the same time. Like the last time we nurse our babies or the day we dismantle the crib. Letting go moments when they go on the first sleepover or finish that big project on their own.
The year that my oldest daughter turned 16 was horrible. I knew that one day she would want to drive away without me. In my nightmares and daydreams, I could only think of her getting into a car accident and being taken from me. I didn’t want her to drive, but she insisted on getting her license. Months later, she hoped into the car and drove away on her own. Just like that.
I let go. (And I survived.)
After two decades of parenting, I finally settled into the realization that “letting go” is a season because it takes time for us mamas to do it. We don’t just wake up one morning and feel okay with the speed at which our children are growing up. We’re thrilled when they learn to tie their shoes, ride to the end of the block or stay over night. Yes! But, we struggle against the place that says It’s going so fast… Yep, it is.
And as much as want our kids to burst into independence and find their place in the world, deep in our hearts, we want to tie our children down to keep them close forever. But, we know that’s not love. That’s not what they need. We need to let go.
So, if you are like me and these days your children are growing up, smile. They are doing exactly what you’re nurturing them to do – even if right now they are making decisions that hurt your mama heart. They are taking on the world, whether they are scooting, crawling, walking, running, driving or flying away from you. You can’t always go with them, but your love is indelibly stamped on their lives. They’ll always take a piece of your heart whereever they go.
Samantha graduation on June 1. Photo Credit: Jeff Wirebaugh, MD
This summer, I’ll hold my breath while one piece of my heart criss-crosses the country for a few weeks before heading overseas. Another piece of my heart will cross a high school graduation stage and search for her place in the world (and I’ll embrace my role as an advisor on the sidelines). A third piece of my heart will travel to summer camp and to a lot of sleepovers. Don’t miss me, Mom!
I’ll try not to, honey…
If you enjoyed this blog and you think another mama might enjoy it, feel free to share. Thanks!
