by Barb Roose | May 15, 2016 | Christian Living/Discipleship, Women's Topics
Before I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I knew that I was struggling.
Even as my eyes remained closed, I felt the shadow of the dark cloud hovering over me. I struggled against some leaded, emotional weight pushing deep into my heart causing an ache that I couldn’t figure out.
I’m no Debbie Downer. Unless someone throws a spider at me or swipes the last cookie, I’m generally in a good mood. But, not always. Like you, there are times in life when I feel down.
Last Monday was one of those down days.
I felt as if my joy had been snatched away. My energy was MIA, too. Overnight, my mojo became a no-go.
Am I depressed?
Seven years ago, I endured a year-long struggle with depression and anger. At first, I went to counseling. Then, my wise family doctor suggested medicine. Yes, Lord! The combination of counseling and an antidepressant restored my mental wellness and clarity. I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without mental health and medical intervention.
So, last week I wondered if I was experiencing some early depression. I wasn’t bothered by the thought, especially since I knew where to find help. (By the way, here’s a tremendous article on anxiety and depression.)
As I pondered that question, I forced myself out of bed to start my morning routine. I still hoped that the solution to my sadness was simply explained.
I ate breakfast. Didn’t help.
I worked out. And I cried during my workout. Not good.
I engaged in my daily bible reading. Always helpful. But…
My sadness clung to me like a two-year toddler who doesn’t want to go to daycare.
Next, I went for a prayer walk. I ended up at the art museum in my neighborhood. There’s a beautiful sculpture garden in front of the museum that features large works of art with aromatic flower gardens all around.
As I stood in the sculpture garden, I begged God to lift my sadness.
God, if you can’t lift my sadness, PLEASE let me feel Your presence.
I spent about an hour walking among the flowers and laying atop a giant tire swing looking at the blue sky. Yet, streaming tears still flowed down my face.
The heaviness refused to go away. But, God was there with me.
Have you ever felt your joy just disappear?
Often, we can point to certain life circumstances that shift us from happy into sadness. Financial issues. Relationship conflict. Job drama. Rebellious kids. Lack of sleep. Medical issues. Any one or two of those rain down on our lives and we’re not surprised when we feel a little down.
Our usual strategy for dealing with our sadness includes the “four big binges”:
Binge eating
Binge watching
Binge drinking
Binge sleeping
When we’re feeling bad, it’s easy to overdo things that are bad for us. No judgement here. I’ve done it, too. But, there’s a truth that we cannot ignore: Over-doing anything on the binge list will undermine your mental and physical health.
“It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not safe to stay there.”
This is something that we say at our church often. Why? Because no one is perfect and we all struggle. However, struggle isn’t an excuse to sit and do nothing.
Taking care of yourself is an action and it doesn’t happen by accident. Your life matters and no one else can take care of you, but you!
Repeat after me: When I’m feeling my worst, I must care for myself the BEST!
For me, that means that I must be extra kind to myself. So, I followed this “Take Care of Me” plan on that difficult Monday:
I didn’t punish myself for having a bad day. No negative self-talk!
I ate healthy foods and stayed away from unhealthy foods that I would regret later.
I soaked in the bathtub and used all of my favorite bath salts and scrubs.
I listened to music and read books that were good for my heart, mind and soul.
Conclusion…
While my sad mood persisted, I felt good about taking care of myself. The next morning I reached out to a few close friends for support. I knew that if my sadness continued for a week that I’d get some medical help. NOTE: If you’ve been sad and feeling at a loss for more than two weeks, you NEED to call your healthcare provider.
For the next couple of days, I kept taking care of myself. Eventually, the dark cloud lifted and I know that intentional, active self-care made a HUGE difference.
TELL ME! How do you take care of yourself when you’re feeling down? Share your comments and help another woman out there! Share this post with your friends, too!
A FREE GIFT FOR YOU!
I’ve created a webpage with a list of 101 Ways for You to Care For Yourself. If you struggle with self-care, print this list and commit to doing at least five things on this list per day.
Thanks to the ladies on my Enough Already Launch Team for helping me brainstorm the list!
by Barb Roose | Oct 15, 2015 | Scripture Devotional, Women's Topics
It was the end of a wonderful, yet long 12-day trip and I was ready to go home.
My friend and co-worker, Karen and I spent one week in beautiful La Ceiba, Honduras as part of a missions trip and women’s conference. Then, we traveled to San Pedro Sula for several more days so that I could speak at another women’s gathering. Karen and I loved sharing ministry with others. Yet, after almost two weeks away from our families, we yearned to return home.
My friend, Karen and I enjoying our favorite restaurant in Honduras…Power Chicken! Amazing!
On the morning of our departure, we tossed our clothes and souvenirs into the suitcases with reckless abandon. We didn’t give a rip about separating our dirty clothes from the clean ones. Souvenirs were mixed in with our sandals and flat irons. We were getting busy getting home and didn’t care about anything except making our plane.
Our airport checking-in put the brakes on our hurry. Bag #1 weighed 63 pounds. Yes, that’s right. 63 pounds. A full 13 pounds over the limit. Our second bag hovered a slice under 50 pounds. We surely weren’t going to pay those hefty excess baggage fees, so Karen and I got down on that floor make some quick decisions. In a flurry, we shifted contents from the over-the-limit bag to our backpacks and purses. If it didn’t fit, we got rid of it. Those suitcases barely made weight, but they made it.
As women, our lives are often packed to the max.
Our days are filled with work, family, friends, hopes, hobbies, dreams and drama. We collect experiences and memories daily. Coffee with a friend is a good memory. A bad conversation with your boss is a bad one. A phone call with your mom is a good memory, but a phone call with your mom that ends in a fight is a bad one.
By the end of each day, you’ve accumulated emotional and mental baggage – whether you realize it or not. The happy or satisfying memories don’t take up too much room. They are light and uplift our hearts. But, the sad memories or bad experiences feel like bricks in our emotional and mental suitcases. They’re heavy and take up a lot of space. And, when those sad memories or bad experiences are unresolved, they remain in the bottom of our memory suitcases day after day.
Imagine yourself right now standing gripping an emotional or mental suitcase in each hand. How much does that baggage weigh?
How much painful, unresolved baggage do you carry with you each day? We all carry heartache. We all carry disappointment. But, are you carrying unnecessary baggage like unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, untreated depression or abuse? At some point, the weight of that baggage becomes too heavy. When that happens, your quality of life pays the price. How much? That depends on how much excess weight you keep carrying around each day.
If you’ve ever lugged a super heavy bag around the airport, you know the misery. That bag takes A LOT of energy to push and move. It prevents you from the excitement of the journey. It distracts you from enjoying the company of those who travel with you. It’s exhausting! After awhile, we wonder if the journey is worth it. We wonder if we should just stay home…
If you’re struggling under the weight of mental or emotional baggage, you know how hard it is just to get out of the bed each morning. You know how tough it is to gather enthusiasm to hang out with friends. All of your energy is drained by managing the feelings and memories that go along with unforgiveness, bitterness, anger or whatever else is packed away in those bags. So, how can you let go?
In a word: SURRENDER.
Just as my friend and I needed to lighten our luggage to avoid excess fees, you’ve got to lighten the load on the things in life that weigh you down. Surrender means that you willingly decide to stop carrying those emotional and mental overstuffed bags around. You decide to drop them. Unpack them. Leave that baggage behind. Yes, it’s hard to do, but it’s worth doing.
A few years ago, I heard a talk from famed pastor and author, Rick Warren titled, “How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” and he shared some excellent tips on how to let go of the painful experiences and move on:
1. Accept what can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay or that you’ve given up or stopped caring. It means that you acknowledge the reality of the situation. It happened.
2. Remember that it’s not the end of your story. God has put more in you and God has more for you! Once you put that baggage down, your hands and heart will be free for the future. God has a future for you!
3. Take care of yourself! Sounds a little odd, but when we drag emotional and mental pain, taking care of yourself feels like a waste of time. It’s not! Get back into the habit of caring for your body and listening for its cues. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, eat better, go to the doctor – and even if you don’t feel like it, “fake it until you make it!”
4. Focus on God through worship. Worship is connecting with God. Worship is enlarging our view of God. When we’re focused on the suitcases, we lose sight of God. When we surrender the suitcases, we need to shift our focus somewhere. The best shift is toward God. Listen to worship music. Find friends to pray with or join a Bible study.
5. Do something productive. After dropping those overloaded burdens, the best thing to do is find someone that you can serve. Get involved with helping others – start small. This will fill your heart and mind with new experiences and memories to fill the space left by your exhausting baggage. For example: Find a soup kitchen, rock babies in the church nursery or read to kids at school.
Friends, my prayer for you is peace. Yet, the first step to peace is surrendering what’s been weighing you down. Let God have it. He can handle it, because you can’t. Turn those overstuffed, too-heavy, life-crushing bags of bad memories and pain over to God and choose to move through those steps that I mentioned above. Here’s the verse that seems to just keep showing up in my life a lot lately:
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” -Psalms 29:11
Thanks for stopping by to read today’s post. Share this post with your friends if you believe this will uplift and encourage them today. By the way, I’d love to stay connected with you. Sign up for my mailing list and connect with me on social media at Facebook.com/shapestylesoul or @Barbroose.
by Barb Roose | Jun 29, 2015 | Christian Living/Discipleship
Congrats, Pixar. You made me cry during another one of your movies. Again.
My hubby, two younger daughter and I went to see “Inside Out” a few days ago. Imagine my annoyance when I had to reach for a tissue. It’s a cartoon for goodness’ sake! I think that making adults cry at movies is some kind on conspiracy. In fact, my conspiracy has a name. I call it the “Bambie Effect.” ‘Cause upon a time, Disney killed off Bambie’s mom and made adults cry. Walt’s people got away with it and Pixar has perfected the art of making adults cry at animated movies. #Up #ToyStory3
“Inside Out” is a movie about feelings. Yep, feelings finally got their own feature movie. This digital psychological journey animates all of the emotions that we have at some point or another. We meet colorful and interesting emotions named Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust. Movie watchers observe the dynamics and dynamite between those emotions as they struggle to help the main character, Riley, navigate her feelings after moving cross-country with her family.
It doesn’t take long before I realize that the movie’s theme presses us with the following question: Can our dogged pursuit of happiness actually hurt us?
Photo credit: hercampus.com
Photo credit: babyrazzi.com
The answer is yes. We watch as well-meaning Joy ends up causing Riley most amount of pain in the movie. As I watched Joy’s well-intentioned efforts cause pain and mayhem, a few thoughts came to mind during the movie:
When happiness is our highest goal, we’re tempted to manipulate what we value in order to achieve it.
How often do we long just to be happy? We want to be happy. We want to make other people happy. Yet, our pursuit of happiness might be at the expense of other more important things.
In her singular mission to try to keep Riley happy, Joy moved and manipulated the other emotions out of her self-righteous way. If Riley was in the midst of a bad day, Joy raced to replace Riley’s bad memory with a happy one. If Riley had a nightmare, Joy rushed in to whisk it away. As Joy bounced all over the command center switching and moving memories to keep Riley a happy girl, we had an impending sense of doom.
When things in our lives starts sliding in the wrong direction, we start clawing for happiness because anxiety, pain and anger just feel bad. There are times when we feel like we’re stuck on a losing streak, right? Our car breaks down. Then, the basement floods. Next, our kids’ get sick or we break the screen on our iPhone. When we have so many bad feelings, we are desperate to feel good. If we get desperate enough, we’ll grab for happiness wherever we can find it – even if it’s not good for us. You can fill-in-the-blank for whatever that might be for you: overspending, overeating, sexual irresponsibility, theft, etc. Have you ever made a bad decision because you wanted to enjoy a good feeling?
As the movie unfolds, young Riley’s distress mounts. The other emotions call out caution, but Joy pushes for happiness. She didn’t want Riley to dwell on sad memories. Furthermore, Joy doesn’t want listen to the other emotions’ input. I cringed as i watched Joy rush to phrases I’ve used before: “Let’s focus on the positive and what’s going right” or “It will be just fine.”
Sometimes, we need to lean into our sadness…
I learned the most from Sadness in the movie. I’m an realistic optimist. I know that bad things happen in this world. I’m not stranger to problems and heartache, but I maintain my optimism. So, the movie’s character, Sadness, grated on my nerves. Sadness shuffled around with seemingly nothing to offer. There were problems to solve and frankly, Sadness wasn’t helping. At one point, Joy drew a circle and asked Sadness to step inside and stay out of the way. As rude as that moment seemed, I’ve been guilty of something similar. If I just stay positive…No negative thinking…
As the movie went on, Joy and Sadness were separated from the rest of the emotions. This ends up being a good thing. There is a pivotal scene where Sadness creates an opportunity for another character to grieve and move on past a painful event and smile again. Joy realizes letting Sadness be a part of Riley’s memories wouldn’t ruin the joy of those memories. Instead, Sadness gave Riley’s memories much more impact and depth.
This is a deep and profound truth for all of us.
My most precious memories are made up of heartbreaking moments combined with the presence of treasured friends. In difficult moments, sadness is the emotion that slows us down so that others can care for us.
Sadness creates space for friends to sit with us in our despair and let us know that we are not alone. During sad times, friends embrace us and comfort us just by being there. Sadness is often the emotion that attracts compassion and pours it into our lives.
If heartache is part of our humanity, then it’s possible for sadness to be a gift.
Imagine how cold and callous we would be if bad things happened and we didn’t pause to feel them deeply or acknowledge their impact on our lives? Pretending that life doesn’t hurt actually hurts us. Pretending that we aren’t wounded may actually come from a place of pride. We don’t want others to know that we are just like everyone else. If I am not careful, this is the very place I can end up. The healthiest of humans know that deep pain cannot be healed in a vacuum. Time does not heal all wounds, but friends can. And we should not be afraid or ashamed to let others comfort us.
Compassion is powerful and helps us heal. Often, won’t realize how much we need compassion until we receive it. We shouldn’t be afraid to let others who us compassion, especially since the givers of such compassion have experienced the power of receiving it. Here’s a verse that I think of when I hear of sad moments. This is a great reminder and prompt for people like me, who can underestimate the power of sadness, comfort and compassion:
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New Living Translation)
STUFF TO THINK ABOUT:
How has sadness or heartache prompted you to refocus or prioritize your life? When’s the last time you let someone be there for you during a time of great sadness? How did their presence impact your life?
Thanks for checking out this week’s post! Did you see “Inside Out”? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you think this post might bless someone else, please hit the “share” button at the top of the post. God bless!
by Barb Roose | Nov 10, 2014 | Christian Living/Discipleship
How do you feel when other people celebrate the good things happening in their lives?
Do you celebrate wholeheartedly with them or are you a teensy-bit envious because their lives always seem sunny-side up?
Yesterday, I went to see the movie “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” with my daughter, Sami. We weren’t planning to go. In fact, we made the decision to go to the movie at 11:23am. The movie started at 11:50am. Out of consideration for the folks in the theater, I managed a quick shower before we dashed out the door and hustled to the theater.
Movie day! Cheap tickets and buttery soft pretzels. Good times with my girl 🙂
Even though we had to park at least a quarter mile from the building because we forgot that it was SATURDAY AT FRANKLIN PARK MALL and people were EVERYWHERE, we got into our seats just as the movie began. God bless those endless movie previews.
The storyline is simple. Twelve-year old Alexander Cooper thinks his life is awful and he feels that his parents and siblings enjoy wonderful, trouble-free living. At the beginning of the movie, Alexander struts across the lawn toward the girl of his dreams, but trips over a lawn sprinkler and falls on his face. Moments later, the popular kid at school snaps Alexander’s photo and attaches his head atop a lingerie model – and then, texts the photo to the entire school. The rest of Alexander’s day is filled numerous woe-is-me moments that made us all feel bad for the kid.
Photo credit: IMDB
After his family goes to bed, Alexander sits in front of a homemade ice-cream birthday sundae at midnight on his 12th birthday. He blows out the birthday candle, wishing that his family would experience the same kind of terrible luck that frequents his life.
His wish comes true.
The fun of the movie is watching over-the-top, cringe-worthy mayhem that results from young Alexander’s wish. His unemployed dad, played by Steve Carrell, finally gets a job interview, then bombs it. Alexander’s mom, played by Jennifer Garner, works for a publishing company and launches a children’s book. The book instructs children to jump all over the place. Except there was a very unfortunate typo and the “j” was replaced by the “d.” So, she was having a very bad day, too. (Since I’m proofing my book right now, I broke out in a sweat during that scene).
Alexander watches as his parents, brother and sister experience horrible, terrible failures. We see that as much as Alexander wanted his family to understand how he felt, he hated seeing them actually experience those moments.
And that’s when I got to thinking…
There was a phase in my life – some of you have heard me refer to them as my “Dark Years.” During this time in life, NOTHING ever seemed to go right. #fail felt like the perfect description for my life.
During these years, I struggled to watch good things happening in other people’s lives. This was a time before social media or else I would have had to delete my Facebook page. I couldn’t have handled happy vacation photos, new house photos or someone celebrating anything good happening because envy would scream over their good news.
I felt entrenched in an endless series of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that I resented other’s good news. I wanted to be happy for them. Yet, my thoughts and emotional bandwidth was consumed by my disappointment with life. My head was filled with phrases like:
“I wish…”
“Why doesn’t…”
“When will I…”
I have so many journals containing those phrases for several years. “Joy” seemed like a word that only went to people who weren’t named Barb and didn’t live in my skin. I kept waiting for that magic moment for things to turn around AND ONLY THEN, I would be happy. Whatever that thing was didn’t happen and so I continued to fight through disappointment each day.
What changed? In a word: GRATITUDE.
I realized the importance of having gratitude for what I still had. I woke up to the realization that I had to stop meditating on what I didn’t have. When we “meditate” on something, we think about it over and over and over and over – you get the drift. When we meditate on unhealthy thoughts, those joy-destroying thoughts become fixed in our mind, continuously spinning like a hamster on a wheel. Those thoughts spin and spin until we have the discipline to stop them.
Meditating on the wrong things puts you in the wrong place. You’ll end up in the wrong place emotional, spiritually and relationally.
(And, while writing this blog, I am convicted of a few things that I need to stop meditating on. I HATE it when that happens – ha!)
Photo credit: Pinterest Ann Voscamp
In 2011, I read Ann Voscamp’s One Thousand Gifts. Many of you have read it and loved it. In the book, Ann challenges her readers to list 1000 moments that they are thankful for. It’s been three years since I’ve read the book and I’ve only listed 600. It’s not like I haven’t had thousands of moments to be thankful for, but I’m not always intentionally about acknowledging those moments.
Truth is, we are not mindful of all that God has blessed us with. We know this is true because way too much of the time we’re unhappy. Including me.
Too often, I blow right by my blessings and mediate on the bad stuff. It’s so easy to remember the bad stuff, isn’t it?
Gratitude changes and transforms our hearts. You cannot practice heart-felt gratitude and not have a heart filled with joy.
If you are in the midst of a continuous string of terrible, horrible, no good days, I challenge you to grab a notebook or open a note on your phone and keep track of all of the good moments in each day. In fact, I double-dare you. Warning: THIS IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK! You’ll have to discipline yourself to recognize those thankful moments and record them. This is how we become mindful of all that God has done for us.
So, if you are doing the November Thankful Challenge, keep going with that. But, for those who are struggling with feeling trapped in terrible, horrible, no good days, you absolutely need to get connected with gratitude. In fact, you can start here 🙂
How quickly can you list 10 moments that you are thankful for TODAY? I’ll be giving one Kindle or Nook digital gift copy of Ann Voscamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, to one person who leaves a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner on Wednesday. (It has to be a digital gift because I want to make sure that you get it quickly.)
If you think this post might encourage someone, feel free to share! In fact, that would be awesome!
